I posted an add on Match, and titled it "petting Cerberus" which phrase I stole from a friend, but which phrase also garnered me interesting responses.
The idea is not to list a lot of activities and likes and dislikes, but rather to say something interesting -anything -and the more literate, the better. A vignette of some kind is best, so that a person reading can get a sense of how one actually sees the world.
I (a woman) tend only to reply to advertisements that acknowledge the centrality of a sense of equal partnership. And I never reply to anyone who uses the locution "girl(s)."
Always post a picture, and always provide as much information in the little check boxes as possible.
I actually met my wife through posting an online personal ad. I posted to several sites, in fact (including match.com) and got a number of responses but the one that paid off was on www.dragonsurf.com.
I looked at it this way: Do I want to meet and become involved with someone who liked my personal ad but with whom I'm not really that compatible, or do I want to meet someone who likes me as me. The answer was obvious, of course. So if anything I erred on the side of "brutal honesty." It can be an effective filter. Definitely filtered out those who were interested in playing games.
Of course, if you like to play games, well, go for it!
But be prepared to be observed by everyone you know. I have a friend who surfs the local Match.com and Yahoo! Personals ads. He regularly forwards me the ads for our mutual friends.
Once you put up your picture, odds are good that your friends and co-workers will find it.
Stories about online dating are that attractive women definitely get flooded with mail. I'm sure one good strategy is to check in very regularly, spot the new ads early, and be among the first into their inbox.
Rather than brutal honesty, I'd propose an ad designed to attract the kind of woman you want. So some honesty is warranted, but it's mainly in your best interest to screen in all the women you could want rather than to screen out those you don't. As you exchange e-mail after the initial contact there will be plenty of chances to screen the bad ones out.
Don't restrict yourself to Match. Remember the sites such as Salon that effectively restrict their dating service to one potentially attractive demo (Salon readers). One company does the back end for all those sites -- you can find out who they are and pick the sponsor sites that are most likely to generate a good match for you. (ABA Date? :-P)
hm. i don't mind "girl". in fact, i rather like it, used in an appropriate, non-condescending way. but to each her own, lol. i got a lot of responses to my match ad...one of which has worked out quite nicely so far. i actually cribbed from the salon format--"why should you get to know me? well, because...". answering that question made it a bit easier to say interesting things about myself (i have that self-deprecation thing goin' on too--it is *not an assest in the dating arena, alas). which is why i was moved to comment in the first place. i agree that honesty is the best policy when filling out an ad--but more than that (because i feel like i'm being honest when i'm being self-deprecating), it's being open. willing to write down what you *really think, what you really want, in the hopes that someone out there gets it, too--i mean, that's what we're all really looking for, no? someone who "gets" us, and all the little quirks and weird obsessions and whatnot. who treasures us for our uniqueness. those are the things i looked for in others' ads--i mean *everyone* says they love their family, movies, blah blah blah. be specific. be different. be you.
(extra tip for the actual date: ask lots of questions, and *try not to lapse into self-immolation mode when answering theirs--sarcasm is ok in small doses, however, as long as you don't direct it at youself. anyway, the asking questions thing makes you feel like a star conversationalist--even girls like to talk about themselves!).
I posted an add on Match, and titled it "petting Cerberus" which phrase I stole from a friend, but which phrase also garnered me interesting responses.
The idea is not to list a lot of activities and likes and dislikes, but rather to say something interesting -anything -and the more literate, the better. A vignette of some kind is best, so that a person reading can get a sense of how one actually sees the world.
I (a woman) tend only to reply to advertisements that acknowledge the centrality of a sense of equal partnership. And I never reply to anyone who uses the locution "girl(s)."
Always post a picture, and always provide as much information in the little check boxes as possible.
Posted by Anonymous | Link to this comment | 04-23-03 2:02 PM
Be honest.
I actually met my wife through posting an online personal ad. I posted to several sites, in fact (including match.com) and got a number of responses but the one that paid off was on www.dragonsurf.com.
I looked at it this way: Do I want to meet and become involved with someone who liked my personal ad but with whom I'm not really that compatible, or do I want to meet someone who likes me as me. The answer was obvious, of course. So if anything I erred on the side of "brutal honesty." It can be an effective filter. Definitely filtered out those who were interested in playing games.
Of course, if you like to play games, well, go for it!
Posted by Frank Mayhar | Link to this comment | 04-24-03 3:39 AM
But be prepared to be observed by everyone you know. I have a friend who surfs the local Match.com and Yahoo! Personals ads. He regularly forwards me the ads for our mutual friends.
Once you put up your picture, odds are good that your friends and co-workers will find it.
Stories about online dating are that attractive women definitely get flooded with mail. I'm sure one good strategy is to check in very regularly, spot the new ads early, and be among the first into their inbox.
Rather than brutal honesty, I'd propose an ad designed to attract the kind of woman you want. So some honesty is warranted, but it's mainly in your best interest to screen in all the women you could want rather than to screen out those you don't. As you exchange e-mail after the initial contact there will be plenty of chances to screen the bad ones out.
Don't restrict yourself to Match. Remember the sites such as Salon that effectively restrict their dating service to one potentially attractive demo (Salon readers). One company does the back end for all those sites -- you can find out who they are and pick the sponsor sites that are most likely to generate a good match for you. (ABA Date? :-P)
-Magik
Posted by Magik Johnson | Link to this comment | 04-24-03 7:49 AM
hm. i don't mind "girl". in fact, i rather like it, used in an appropriate, non-condescending way. but to each her own, lol. i got a lot of responses to my match ad...one of which has worked out quite nicely so far. i actually cribbed from the salon format--"why should you get to know me? well, because...". answering that question made it a bit easier to say interesting things about myself (i have that self-deprecation thing goin' on too--it is *not an assest in the dating arena, alas). which is why i was moved to comment in the first place. i agree that honesty is the best policy when filling out an ad--but more than that (because i feel like i'm being honest when i'm being self-deprecating), it's being open. willing to write down what you *really think, what you really want, in the hopes that someone out there gets it, too--i mean, that's what we're all really looking for, no? someone who "gets" us, and all the little quirks and weird obsessions and whatnot. who treasures us for our uniqueness. those are the things i looked for in others' ads--i mean *everyone* says they love their family, movies, blah blah blah. be specific. be different. be you.
(extra tip for the actual date: ask lots of questions, and *try not to lapse into self-immolation mode when answering theirs--sarcasm is ok in small doses, however, as long as you don't direct it at youself. anyway, the asking questions thing makes you feel like a star conversationalist--even girls like to talk about themselves!).
Posted by Anonymous | Link to this comment | 04-24-03 3:25 PM