Re: Don't Rot Your Brains Completely

1

[redacted]

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2

I will admit that I prefer the cock jokes.

Besides, it's Friday night. Time for a frat party. Who's buying the keg? Or perhaps we can do upside down margarita shots?

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3

Oh jesus, would someone mix me a margarita, stat?

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4

pg, why do you tease us? Sure, you're all "let's drink," "take me out," "here's a naked picture of me...when I was two", but here I am, turkey sandwich in hand, watching L&O by myself.

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5

Hey ... I was probably 3 in that photo! ;)

And is turkey sandwich a euphemism? (In which case I assume the L&O chick is doing it for you tonight?)

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6

Turkey sandwich is dinner. And it's a L&O rerun, with goddam Angie Harmon, so I'm watching just for the story.

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7

sigh. that's boring. have more fun. FUN I say.

And pour a margarita for me and bphd.

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8

Here's more information to make you want me: I haven't the foggiest how to make a margarita. I have beer, wine, and scotch. Take your pick.

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9

I would drink wine or scotch. I don't know how to make a margarita either. Can you make a martini? Or a cosmo?

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10

Ogged: take the beer pint glass, rim it with salt, pour in the beer, an ounce of lemon/lime juice, and season with tobasco (if you're feeling outré). It's a michelada, and in Mexico, it's the Margarita you drink at lunch.

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11

I'm pretty happy with my selection. pg, I don't know how to make any drinks, but I *am* willing to pay a premium for people to make my drinks for me.

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12

well then we'll just have to go out to some swanky bar to drink, then!

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13

Terrific. I won't tell you until tomorrow that I have no idea where the swanky bars are.

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14

You have until May to figure it out :)

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Hey 30000 google hits for "swanky bars oggedville." Bring comfortable shoes.

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16

I know how to make margaritas. I make 'em damn well, too. (Either: 2 parts tequila to 1 part each lime juice and cointreau, shaken and strained into a glass rimmed [haw!] with salt, or 3 parts tequila to two parts cointreau to 1 part lime juice.)

In fact, I know how to make lots of drinks!

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17

Girl27's not enough for you now, player? Anyway, you were doing fine until you Beavised "rimmed."

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18

I figured if I didn't, someone else would, so why not defang the possibilities beforehand?

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19

Anyway, I more or less threatened to eat pg's hedgehog, so I figure I've got no in with her.

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20

You did? Who was being punished? You, Trev, or pg?

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In the comments. It's not really a direct threat, I suppose.

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No, it's a much more ominous insinuation. But it does sound intriguing.

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Apparently they taste not unlike rabbit.

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hedgehog

Please, can we all just think the joke instead?

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Which is yummy. Let's eat Trevor!

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26

I have this horrible feeling that someday soonish I'm going to be at a bar, maybe at a conference, chatting up some woman, and, just as I'm about to seal the deal, she'll leave with some other guy, and just as they walk out the door I'll realize that's Wolfson!

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27

*prickles*

shut up and pour me a scotch, ogged.

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Hey pg, are you bringing Trev on our date?

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I'll realize that's Wolfson!

Too true. I'm rereading this thread: pg flirty at #5, forgiving at #9, throwing herself at me at #'s 12 and 14. Then, at 16, Wolfson. Jesus.

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30

He said he'll come along if he can double ... with Wolfson.

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BTW, since when is letting you buy me a drink the same as throwing myself at you?

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32

To console myself for missing the concert, and for having totally fuxxored up the motherboard transfer (and now the shiny new RAID array isn't showing up as a device, either) I made myself a totally delicious Aviation. Mmm.

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I don't know what you're trying to say, pg, but the Grad Student totally wanted me.

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34

That, my dear ogged, is painfully obvious. Now pour me another drink.

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35

Then, at 16, Wolfson.

Tell me about it. I can make drinks too, but does that count for anything? Apparently not. My only hope is that, as he's on the way out of the bar with my erstwhile hookup, he says things like the shiny new RAID array isn't showing up as a device, either. Otherwise, it's the monkish virtues for the rest of my days.

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These drinks are piling up pg. I'm going to have to invite the single dad next door to help me out. (Yeesh, someone else who asked me to socialize that I turned down.)

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37

Ben does have the virtue of fucking up his pitch, as noted with "rimmed," above.

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Nevertheless, ogged, I have a girlfriend.

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39

[redacted]

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40

Well, well, FL, if you can make drinks then where were you earlier when bphd and I were looking for margaritas?

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41

someone else who asked me to socialize that I turned down

So you're saying you like to play this I-want-you-to-be-interested-so-I-can-pretend-to-not-be-interested game with the boys, too?

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42

I'll mail you a thermos, PG. I was busy, you know, working at the time. Which I should get back to doing...

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43

So you're saying

So busted, dude.

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44

Labs, you're really not helping. My neighbor's weird. But yeah, with the ladies, that's totally my game.

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45

That's an awesome game. I bet it works about as well as my "don't ever go out except with people from work" game.

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46

Hey, I never have to deal with interactions, you can get nookie during lunch. Are there other ways?

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47

My neighbor's weird

Uhhh, pot? Kettle? ;)

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48

Huh? Who is getting lunchtime nookie? And why am I not?

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49

Uhhh, pot? Kettle?

No no, he wears those photochromic glasses that change tint depending on the light. Known, in my world anyway, as "child molester glasses."

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[redacted]

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51

In case there's any concern about lunchtime sex, I meant "go out" in the social, not romantic, sense.

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Damn. That guy sounds really creepy. Don't drink with him, ogged. He may try to take advantage of you.

And FL, I'm terribly disappointed.

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You and me both, pg. On the up side, dating people from work is not so good, I think, so I'm spared all the drama from that end. The down side, of course, is...well, I'm writing this on Friday night.

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54

You know, Trevor sure is cute. But what I really want to see is a blog about a star nose mole.

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Deal, Labs. I'll let you know when I've figured out a way you can help me out. Ogged does seem to be claiming he gets lunchtime sex. 'Splain, please.

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How do you figure, Matt? Read my 46. I say that I don't have to deal with interacting with anyone, because I only ever lead people on; and then say that Labs' policy of only dating people from work should have the benefit of lunchtime sex--all relevant parties being present midday.

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lunchtime sex. 'Splain, please.

Must we connect every dot for you, Matt?

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It could also have been read as a careless pronoun shift, with "you" being indeterminate: "hey, my method's great! I don't have to deal with people, plus you can get all the lunchtime sex you want! Be honest—are there other ways?". Like that.

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Ah, I was reading "you" as a variable rather than as the second person pronoun--as b-wo points out. If I wanted to be a little bitch I would claim that it would've been easier for me to understand it if the comma had been a semicolon. But it's perfectly acceptable with the comma.

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60

As Friday night turns into the harsh light of Saturday, sex turns into grammar. Honestly, people.

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That last sentence could've begun "As Weiner comes back online...." But notice how it's working already? You should be making time with pg while b-wo's distracted.

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62

She hasn't woken up yet.

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63

So, boys, who wants to come to Italy with me for the week? Or should I just pick up some hot Italian dude while there to meet my needs?

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pg, someday someone's going to take you up on this....

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Someday? I want to go to Italy right now!

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Someday? I want to go to Italy right now!

Conspicuously absent from your excited outburst is any mention of profgrrrrl. How telling.

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Gibbon observes that in the Arabian book par excellence, in the Koran, there are no camels; I believe if there were any doubt as to the authenticity of the Koran, this absence of camels would be sufficient to prove it is an Arabian work.

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Okay so help me out here. In your analogy, is profgrrrrl as unto a camel? And while not mentioning camels proves Arabicity, what does your completely forgetting about profgrrrrl in your overheated appetite to go to Italy prove?

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Or am I reading you uncharitably?

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Yes, uncharitably. The intention was that I didn't mention profgrrrl because she's so suffused my very being that I can't conceive of wanting to do something without her. Or some such.

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(aside)Dude, I know. I was being your wingman and giving you a chance to declare your profgrrrl suffusion without looking too effusive and foppish, as is your wont.

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What kind of Scotch do you drink, ogged?

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73

Where in Italy are you going, pg? That's my very favorite country in the whole wide world.

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So, boys, who wants to come to Italy with me for the week?

Where are ye going? Tuscany? Venetia? Roma? Or down south? I, of course, am utterly fascinated with Etruscans, so any trip to Tuscany is right up my alley.

ash

['Of course, I'd have to travel in your luggage...']

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75

B, I like various kinds of scotch, so I'm a fan of Glenmorangie and Lagavulin, for example, but the one I buy is Macallan.

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I'm a Laphroaig girl myself, but my boyfriend tells me I have shitty taste. But I kind of like the iodiney thing.

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77

Lagavulin is iodiney, and it's delicious.

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78

wow, it's cock jokes all the way down.

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79

Yes, I agree with you on Lagavulin.

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80

I report, with regret, that pg has gone to Italy without any of us, unless one of us is Dr. Mentor posting under a different pseudonym.

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