Re: Fame Goggles, With Apologies to John Holbo

1

Also Julia Roberts.

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2

I agree with Ogged and disagree with Wolfson.

I have never found Patricia Arquette plausible as the "sexy woman" of any movie she's in -- maybe it's just those damn super-short hipster bangs. I hate super-short bangs.

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3

Britney Spears

The whole Baywatch cast WITH THE EXCEPTION of Erika Eleniak

Jennifer Lopez

Colin McFerrel

Hugh Grant

This should get me a few lawyers phone calls

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4

Patricia Arquette

Agreed! In fact, WTF?

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5

Trinity

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6

Julia Roberts, Adam, if she were to meet you, would probably bite your head off. She could do it. The only reason I can conceive of for her having such a huge jaw is that she, like many snakes, consumes her prey whole.

Agreed with Michael, though.

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7

Paris Hilton!!!

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8

Is Paris Hilton really "supposed" to be attractive, though? I thought that she was supposed to be just a grotesque walking piece of shit, as though the bare reality of Capital itself had a TV show. "A porn video -- starring... MONEY!"

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9

Jack Nicholson. Not just because he's a hideously preserved mummy at this point, but even when he was young, he wasn't attractive.

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10

Ashton Kutcher. boney farm hick. Where does he gets off ruining all my memories of the 80s by running around with Demi Moore?

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11

Renee Zellweger

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12

I think it's pretty strange that her sister has the same name as her grandfather.

If it weren't for her weird cheeks, ridiculous lips, inability to hold her head upright, and general skankiness, Paris would be pretty attractive.

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13

With Mikez's comment, the list is now effectively complete. And I am now effectively going to get away from my damn computer.

For at least ten minutes.

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14

I find most of the woman that are presented as "attractive" to be, in fact, rather attractive. (Including Patricia Arquette.) The only glaring, terrible exceptions I can think of, besides Sarah Jessica Parker, are:

Minnie Driver

Amanda Peet

Sarah Michelle Gellar (nowadays; she got wicked angular in her 20s)

Renée Zellweger

Mena Suvari, most of the time


I'm not a good judge with guys, so I'll just say that, until I saw Kevin Costner named "Sexiest Man Alive" by People, it literally never occurred to me that he was good looking. Same with (I think) Nick Nolte.

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15

Maybe THAT was why he was edited out of "The Big Sleep"

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16

Mena Suvari? Say it ain't so, Ted?

How about Christina Aguilera?

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17

Lets make that"The Big Chill" shall we!

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18

Total disagreement on Minnie Driver.

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19

Christina Aguilera, for me, comes under the heading of "Sexy but not attractive." I' ve a notion this might apply to porn models too.

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20

this blog is getting to be an uncomfortably misogynistic place, lately.

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21

Christina Aguilera, to me, is a lovely young woman frequently buried below a thick layer of oil, Man-Tan, fright wigs, and/or atrocious outfits.

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22

Disagree on Minnie Driver.

Julia Roberts falls into that strange category of women whose still photos look bad but whose moving image is generally pretty good. That _Girl with Pearl Earing/Lost in Translation girl is much the same. Of course you get people who run the other way as well --- great in stills, lousy in motion.

My personal choice would be Brittany Murphy. My god, just what does this junkie-looking woman have on Hollywood producers that she keeps getting roles?

Also what's the deal with Ashley Simpson? Given that she has no vocal talent and no dance talent, I assume she is supposed to be attractive, but does anyone actually claim this? The only reason she's not on my list with Brittany Murphy is that I know of no media blitz that's actually trying to pretend she's worth looking at.

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23

If it weren't for her weird cheeks, ridiculous lips, inability to hold her head upright, and general skankiness, Paris would be pretty attractive.

But she'd still be a lousy lay.

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24

For me, the list would be:

1) Gwyneth Paltrow

2) Julia Roberts

3) Gwyneth Paltrow

4) Gwyneth Paltrow

5) Charlize Theron

For my wife, it is:

1) Brad Pitt

2) Russell Crowe

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25

I'm a bit leery of the SJP bashing--Fametracker says of her, "Has built a career in Hollywood as a leading lady despite not being conventionally attractive"--and look! here we are talking about how unattractive she is!

I'm also a bit uncomfortable with this because the first time I had the "SJP is not all that" reaction, it occurred to me that an ex of mine, who I still think is tremendously beautiful, looks kind of like her with completely different coloring.

(Note also the followup from FT: "If by 'not conventionally attractive' you mean 'Lee Harvey Schnozzwald,' then, yes, she's not conventionally attractive. She's still a size 0, though.)

(Also, I hope the ex isn't lurking or worse yet commenting pseudonymously. Or maybe I don't. Hi!)

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26

Pjs, you just ain't right.

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27

But she'd still be a lousy lay.

Speculation, Moorean belief or prooven fact?

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28

Lindsay Lohan.

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29

Pjs's just ain't right either.

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30

More than misogynistic, I think it's homophobic -- none of us guys want to sit around talking about whether men are or are not attractive. It's not as much of a problem, culturally, for women to have strong opinions on other women, so we fall into these ruts.

Or maybe it's both misogynistic and homophobic. And racist! We're talking about a whole lot of white women, here. In fact, the most racial diversity I've noticed is a shift from white to white trash (i.e. Christina Aguilera).

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31

29 should have read "Pjs's wife just ain't right either". Damnit.

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32

Penelope Cruz.

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33

"More than misogynistic, I think it's homophobic"

I can't speak for others, but for myself I frequently can't tell movie men apart. It's a real problem (and one of the reasons I don't watch many movies) in that many of them look the same to me. Of course there are those who, for whatever reason, stand out --- Tom Cruise, Tommy Lee Jones, Jeff Goldblum. But I don't know if I could pick Colin Farrell out of a lineup. I think I know what Nick Nolte looks like, but Kevin Costner is kinda vague --- I might well have him confused with Mel Gibson.

As for the supposed racism thing, well we're dealing with the hand the US media gives us. Personally I think many East Asian women are quite lovely, but we don't have many of them appearing in US media,, and so evenn if I knew names (which I don't) those names wouldn't mean much to other people. It's not a racist thing --- heck most of us, I'm sure, would look on in bafflement when presented with a list of supposedly hot European women, a list that grows ever more obscure as one moves from the UK to France/Italy to Germany to Holland and the Nordics to the Poland/Hungary area to Ukraine and Romania.

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34

Courtney Cox.

(...I love you...you're so hot...on that show...)

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35

#33 ("Personally I think many East Asian women are quite lovely")

oh, this is getting so very fd up.

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36

this blog is getting to be an uncomfortably misogynistic place, lately.

You only think that because you're just a girl.

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37

Does guys talking about attractive women automatically make for misogyny? Or is there a larger trend that I'm too blinkered to see?

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38

Well, I'm not homophobic so I'm going to jump on the:

Paris Hilton

Julia Roberts

Ashley Simpson

Christina Agulera

bandwagon and raise you:

chick-who-ran-over-20-people-in-her-SUV-and-now-has-her-own-realityTV-show

And as for men:

50 Cent

Leonard DiCaprio

Sean Connery (i just don't get it--even his younger days; I've always found Brosnan to be a MUCH more attractive Bond--but "attractive" doesn't always mean "better!")

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39

Well, Ben, we're currently talking about how unattractive women are, and the women in question are all way out of our league.

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40

Who did that? (I think it's "Ashlee", too.)

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41

Courtney Love.

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42

Ben, was that re 39 or 38? If 38, Lizzie Grubman. I don't know that she was supposed to be attractive, more "excessively tan."

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43

The SUV thing? I'm not sure of her name but she's def. got a reality show on MTV (caught a commercial for it last night and me and my roommate couldn't get over how...just...bleH) called PowerGirls or something like that. I remember it a while back, 2002 I think--she just drove over people and then like 3 days later, issued an apology only after she was facing legal action

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44

#37: i think the misogynistic bit was sort of b/c this post is *not* men talking about attractive women, but rather, men talking about women they found unattractive, giving reasons like she's a "grotesque walking piece of shit" and the like.

but what the hell, i'll join. here's my list:

- jessica simpson: wtf?

- colin farrell

- brad pitt

- russell crowe

- joseph fiennes


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45

oh, sorry. #44 was me

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46

mina -- how do you feel about John Cusack?

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47

Agree Russell Crowe and Colin Farrell (and Simpson, but doesn't that go without saying?). Further nominate Sandra Bullock.

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48

This is interesting. I think that most of the women listed so far (with the exception of SJP, who I've never found attractive) would nonetheless be the most attractive person in, say, your office. Shrug. The ones I don't get:

Justin Timberlake (looks like a Mon-chee-chee)

Tori Spelling

Pamela Anderson

Melanie Griffith

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49

Further nominate Sandra Bullock.

Second.

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50

Molly Ringwald.

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51

It was re 38. Re 39: I'm tempted to say, "so?".

44: The last thread was men talking about attractive women, and a trend was implied. I think Adam's flights of fancy regarding Paris Hilton don't really constitute misogyny. Baa might should pop in here to ask him what he's got against capital per se, though.

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52

#46

joe: it's true. i love john cusack (although i wouldn't put him on my celebrity 5). specifically, the underage "say anything" jc, in the clash t-shirt.

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53

SJP is one of those women who women think are more attractive than men do.

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54

The most attractive woman in the office I theoretically work in, but for the past few weeks have not been working in, is pretty fucking attractive.

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55

Pretty, fucking, and attractive? Someone is happy.

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56

Justin Timberlake (looks like a Mon-chee-chee)

I do all right, but I certainly wouldn't mind looking like this.

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57

I wish I could might should pop in from time to time, ben.

My friend says Jennifer Garner is too mannish.

I say Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston, and most playboy centerfolds. Don't know why.

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58

specifically, the underage "say anything" jc, in the clash t-shirt.

Sometimes, I think we are all children of Lloyd Dobler.

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59

Jennifer Aniston

She's got to be #1 with re to hype/actual attractiveness.

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60

That's certainly the best picture I've seen of him, Joe. The mental image I have is of him standing beside Janet Jackson's exposed nipple, looking for all the world like he was retarded.

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61

Well, that's probably the image he'll be most associated with, so.

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62

Another vote for Jessica Simpson. The most boring sort of bleach-blonde room temperature IQ airhead I can think of. Her celebrity escapes me.

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63

"The requested page could not be found.

Page not found - /mt-static/images/sjp.jpg"

I might observe that since beauty is subjective, this entire comment thread is pointless, but it seems overly obvious, so, you know, I won't.

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64

I don't know that subjectivity makes it pointless. We're not looking for definitive answers, after all.

Justin Timberlake reminds me of an unpopular boy in my grade school whose real name was Michael, but, for some reason, people took to calling Ned. Then he got a buzz cut (to his curly hair), so people started calling him Ned Sped Scrotumhead.

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65

On the contrary, a thousand different sentiments, excited by the same object, are all right: Because no sentiment represents what is really in the object. It only marks a certain conformity or relation between the object and the organs or faculties of the mind; and if that conformity did not really exist, the sentiment could never possibly have being. Beauty is no quality in things themselves: It exists merely in the mind which contemplates them; and each mind perceives a different beauty. One person may even perceive deformity, where another is sensible of beauty; and every individual ought to acquiesce in his own sentiment, without pretending to regulate those of others. To seek in the real beauty, or real deformity, is as fruitless an enquiry, as to pretend to ascertain the real sweet or real bitter....

But though this axiom, by passing into a proverb, seems to have attained the sanction of common sense; there is certainly a species of common sense which opposes it, at least serves to modify and restrain it. Whoever would assert an equality of genius and elegance between OGILBY and MILTON, or BUNYAN and ADDISON, would be thought to defend no less an extravagance, than if he had maintained a mole-hill to be as high as TENERIFFE, or a pond as extensive as the ocean. Though there may be found persons, who give the preference to the former authors; no one pays attention to such a taste; and we pronounce without scruple the sentiment of these pretended critics to be absurd and ridiculous.

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66

I was speaking somewhat in psychoanalytic terms with my comments about Paris Hilton -- she is the "excremental remainder" of the system of celebrity.

I think there are some forms of feminism, at least, that would not find pot-shots at Paris Hilton to be misogynistic.

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67

Your speech continues to be Greek to me, but whatevs.

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68

67, on the heels of 65, is just fun knee.

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69

this entire comment thread is pointless

Hardly. Who a person finds attractive and unattractive is pretty revealing about that person.

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70

What's so hard to follow about 65?

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71

Ask 66.

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72

Touché

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73

So would you say we're just about done here?

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74

Celebrity animals that aren't as cute as advertised!

The Taco Bell chihuahua.

(Holy shit, I know how to spell "chihuahua.")

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75

Bloggers who are far better looking than you would guess!

??

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76

Best blog with the worst comments!

Washington Monthly?

Crooked Timber?

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77

Most annoying commenter at Unfogged!

Ash!

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78

Any other questions, Adam?

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79

With your last five you might be giving ash a run for his money, ogged.

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80

Nuh uh.

-ogged

[sez u]

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81

Commenters count?

Ben Wolfson!

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82

Hey, Ash is pretty funny.

And I think this thread ought to be retitled "Ain't supposed to die a natural death."

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83

Damn y'all comment fast.

Comments:

Awesome, Ash beat me.

And I'm voting for Crooked Timber.

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84

Yikes; that was sort of rough.

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85

I nominate myself for far better looking than you'd guess, even though I know you all would guess I am, as they say, hott.

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86

I guess I'd better revise this, then.

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87

Only because I have fears about the same being said about me.

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88

Relax, even ash isn't so bad, though those bracketed sign-offs do make me want to wring his neck.

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89

Re 85

Sure they do, honeybuns. Don't take Ash's crown away from him too fast.

86

Ogged, behind the frat room tone, this is insecurity-blog. Picking on commentators can be dangerous.

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90

Just natural new-kid blahblah, on my end. Not even worth mentioning, except to point out why the above struck me as a tad harsh.

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91

Michael, you might want to re-read 85, with the knowledge that "hott" really is a term in use. I think you mean "sure we would"?

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92

Nuh-uh, no "we." *I* do not use the term "hott."

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93

In that case, since you don't use the term, it would be appropriate for you to say "sure we would, honeybuns", since that actually conveys that you wouldn't.

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94

I think you should wonder whether you want me to use "we."

From your link:

II. One who you would:

a. lick

b. suck/ blow

c. nibble

d. flirt with

e. have sexual relations with *Fuck especially*

f. want to get with

III. One who makes you:

f. fantasize

h. (if guy) hard

i. masturbate

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95

But I meant merely to patronizingly indulge you in your fantasies, not outright discredit them.

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96

Hey, I'm not saying I'd reciprocate.

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97

But not ruling it out, either, I see.

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98

Is there any Ogged Slashfic? Because I sense that there will be soon.

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99

I meant "Unfogged Slashfic," naturally.

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100

I think unf/ogged slash would involve ogged waiting around forever for unf to come.

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101

100 made this thread worth reading. It also may cause nightmares in small children.

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102

Yes, with comment #100, we can officially declare this thread over.

I'm going to turn my back now for a few minutes, so feel free to post forty more comments, as expected.

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103

Aw, I'm late to the thread I suggested. Bummer.

But, I am relieved to see that my number one pick, Julia Roberts, is on so many lists. I'm sure she is a nice person, etc, but why do we all pretend she is beautiful? She has a horse-mouth. I'm not trying to bash her. Really, I'm not.

And am I the only one who thought Janet was hotter than Chrissy on "Three's Company?"

More currently, Paris's sidekick (that Richie kid) is not hot, and Paris is . . . weird. Cute poses, and a kinda cute scrunchy face, but not beautiful. She does make a good example of how not all wealthy people deserve their money.


For guys - I've never been able to tell. I can guess, and I suppose I can spot hideous, but I don't feel anything.

A lotta people dislike Keanu Reaves, but I like him.

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104

Hey Tripp, we'd succeeded in closing the thread there. In fact, since nothing was happening here all day, I had thought that maybe Wolfson's 100 had finished off the site completely. Or maybe everyone's, you know, spending Saturday away from a computer.

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105

Unfogged is dead; netcraft confirms it. 101 through 105 are just mindless twitchings.

(Matt, where is this "away from a computer" of which you speak?)

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106

if only slashdot were dead... what?

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107

slashdot jokes are dead; witcraft confirms it.

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108

Best blog with the worst comments!

Washington Monthly?

Crooked Timber?

I presume that includes moi? (I can't really say anything about CT, since I mostly don't read it, and when I do, I don't read the comments. How many leftish academic angels can tapdance on a data point? Answer:{snore} Note that this does not include the female bloggers over there, who are all very nice, if infrequent.)

Most annoying commenter at Unfogged! Ash!

Yay, I win a prize! I've worked so hard for this, too.

With your last five you might be giving ash a run for his money, ogged.

Nah.

Matt Weiner:

Hey, Ash is pretty funny.

Thank you.

Yikes; that was sort of rough.

Depends on what you tend to classify as 'rough'. Since I have a tougue like a razor and a hide like a rhino (no, not making that up, someone said this about me, while I was in the middle of verbally beating the shit out of him), my response can be summarized as follows:

'Huh.'

Only because I have fears about the same being said about me.

L'audace. Toujours l'audace. It's all just dots on phospher.

Ogged, behind the frat room tone, this is insecurity-blog. Picking on commentators can be dangerous.

Enh. I thought that was more of that repressed middle/upper-class hostility kind of thing. Anyways, I must point out that when mina says: 'this blog is getting to be an uncomfortably misogynistic place, lately.' You've got a bit more of a problem than somebody coming after you. ('sides, 's better if I get picked on than having a woman picked on, what with being made for that sort of thing.)

Relax, even ash isn't so bad, though those bracketed sign-offs do make me want to wring his neck.

I've been using lower case for my name since, eh 1982 (Yes! I have connected at 180 baud!), because it's less likely to generate errors. The kicker line was added in 1985 (ala Bloom County/Doonesbury counterpunchline). Quotes added in '87ish, I think (to clarify that it was possibly a sotto voce comment, or possibly quoting someone else, but meant to be spoken aloud). Parentheses added laterish, then rapidly became brackets around 1992 (since people started copying the kicker line). As a wild guess I've probably written 50,000-100,000 posts with the brackets. It's a specific signature and serves the purpose of identification. If it hasn't got the signature and the brackets it is not me, and if it does, it IS me, regardless of whatever 'Name:' field is attached to the post, regardless of the medium used. Full stop.

ash

['This post not previewed at 06:18 CST, 12:18 UT.']

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109

If it hasn't got the signature and the brackets it is not me, and if it does, it IS me, regardless of whatever 'Name:' field is attached to the post, regardless of the medium used. Full stop.

You sure about that?

ash

['ya shouldn't be.']

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110

Style will out!

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111

You sure about that?

Tsk. I knew somebody would try that. I am referring to whether I posted an item. That is, if it doesn't have the name and the brackets, *I* didn't post it. I might be spoofed, but it's hard to spoof me for long.

It's really HaRD to SiMULATE mY BRAND of _cranky_ *mania*.

ash

['

ONE MORE MOUTH TO FEED IS ONE MORE MOUTH TO FEED

one more mouth to feed is one more mouth to feed

']

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