I've been working in my current office for about six months, so I'm still establishing a real rapport with my coworkers, but there's one guy at the other end of the office who I immediately fell into the default American-male banter with [hang that participle- i don't feel like rewriting!].
We started out with the standard Chevy Chase/Fletch "Doctor" "Doctor" exchange, but over the course of time it's evolved to now we salute and refer to each other as "Admiral". I may have to draw the line at genuflecting.
hanging out there by itself, mike thought that final preposition was a dangling participle .
ben your powers of intimidation are really awe-inspiring. a couple of snarky grammar corrections and people are peeing their pants in anticipation of your arrival. that should serve you well in philosophy or law.
Why must you constantly assert your comfort with your alone-ness? Don't give into the fear monster, ogged, there is love and companionship out there for everyone.
Ogged just meant that he doesn't need an audience present to him physically, thereby re-establishing his concord with bloggy catechism, as established in the A-List Bull Nostrum Regnum.
Be it hereby recorded that if I ever see Wolfson snarking on sentences ending with prepositions, I will smack him into the middle of next week. It's OK to end a sentence with a preposition. (I don't think Wolfson has ever 'corrected' anyone on this or has any inclination to. I just want to state the acceptability of this dramatically.)
Apostropher--I think that the infinitival 'to'--which is what the sentence excerpted in 13 ends with--is not technically a preposition. (Don't start none, won't be none.)
SCMT, I am not a thick woman. I cannot bench-press ogged.
My comment had nothing to do with your weight. My sister, who's a Size 2, might be able to bench press 150 lbs. (I'm tetchy about having my comments on a woman's weight misinterpreted, as an innocent and humorous attempt to justify taking a very attractive woman's dessert once own-goaled me out of any chance at sex).
My personal bet is that PG's arranging comfort sex with the ex, but I haven't read enough of her blog to make a considered guess.
PG is totally not into the ex-sex scene. I suppose one might think it is comforting. I think a hug from ex is comforting. Sex would be ... inappropriate.
SCMT, I wasn't taking it wrong. I just couldn't pass the opportunity to bring up the thick woman thing.
(I'm tetchy about having my comments on a woman's weight misinterpreted, as an innocent and humorous attempt to justify taking a very attractive woman's dessert once own-goaled me out of any chance at sex).
This is truly, truly, hysterical. Was the dessert worth it? Or did you not get any of that either?
That, my dear, is "Day in the Life" stuff. That's why I said that your nude wedding story wouldn't make my top 10. And no, I didn't get the cake. I did get fairly nasty looks from all of the other women at the table, though.
I must have oversold it, because there's really not much to it. I had been hitting on an attractive woman, and things were, if not encouraging, certainly not discouraging. She was your classic GND attractive: tall, thin, blond, and cute. I innocently suggested that, given her thighs (IIRC), she didn't really need the cake. I assumed, b/c she was pretty, it would be an obvious joke (like calling ogged fat). I was younger and stupider then.
Isn't there some complicated system for hitting on women that involves being insulting in the expectation that they will then fall all over themselves and have sex with you in an effort to gain your good opinion? The words neurolinguistic programming are coming to mind, although it doesn't look as if that can be right. It also doesn't sound like it works, at least not for you.
Isn't there some complicated system for hitting on women that involves being insulting in the expectation that they will then fall all over themselves and have sex with you in an effort to gain your good opinion?
I thought this was the "junior-high dating system." Also, hitting the girl meant you liked her, right (bring on the wife-beater jokes)?
"We all prefer a clean break but let's face it, a whimpster breakup can drag on pathetically, for weeks, even months, as he nobly attempts to 'just be friends.' The drunken apologetic phone calls, the Craigslist missed connections, the messages of his burning heartbreak sent through mutual friends. Or, for the most dramatic whimpster effect: he'll write a letter and then wait for it to rain in the middle of the night so he can bring it to you."
You know, half the country's problems could be solved if women would (to quote W. Smith) "give it up, nice and eas-y." (Yes, I took the test. Safely metrosexual.)
Isn't there some complicated system for hitting on women that involves being insulting in the expectation that they will then fall all over themselves and have sex with you in an effort to gain your good opinion?
LB: The problem with that scenario is that first one would have to find a girl who values one's good opinion...
that is awesome.
I've been working in my current office for about six months, so I'm still establishing a real rapport with my coworkers, but there's one guy at the other end of the office who I immediately fell into the default American-male banter with [hang that participle- i don't feel like rewriting!].
We started out with the standard Chevy Chase/Fletch "Doctor" "Doctor" exchange, but over the course of time it's evolved to now we salute and refer to each other as "Admiral". I may have to draw the line at genuflecting.
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 8:45 AM
That's not a participle!
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 8:52 AM
fuck. i give up! you're not supposed to end a sentence with "with", and i did. mea maxima culpa!
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 8:53 AM
That's not a participle, that's my wife!
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 9:02 AM
hanging out there by itself, mike thought that final preposition was a dangling participle .
ben your powers of intimidation are really awe-inspiring. a couple of snarky grammar corrections and people are peeing their pants in anticipation of your arrival. that should serve you well in philosophy or law.
Posted by cw | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 9:08 AM
Is your wife a fan of the pre-position?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 9:08 AM
Me: I don't need an audience.
Why must you constantly assert your comfort with your alone-ness? Don't give into the fear monster, ogged, there is love and companionship out there for everyone.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 9:16 AM
Ogged just meant that he doesn't need an audience present to him physically, thereby re-establishing his concord with bloggy catechism, as established in the A-List Bull Nostrum Regnum.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 9:22 AM
Precisely.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 9:29 AM
Should have been Regnum Nostrum.
Remember, most a-list bull is no better than a nostrum.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 9:33 AM
Be it hereby recorded that if I ever see Wolfson snarking on sentences ending with prepositions, I will smack him into the middle of next week. It's OK to end a sentence with a preposition. (I don't think Wolfson has ever 'corrected' anyone on this or has any inclination to. I just want to state the acceptability of this dramatically.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 9:56 AM
Don't worry, Matt, I'm on the side of the angels.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 10:02 AM
has any inclination to
...do so.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 10:37 AM
You want a piece of me, Weiner?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 10:37 AM
Re #14 -- just change an e to a y and remove the comma ... Does this change the meaning? Or maybe not.
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 10:48 AM
Re #15.
In a pinch you don't even have to change the e.
And "No, no I do NOT!"
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 10:58 AM
In a pinch
Or if you're a pirate.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 11:15 AM
Ah good, I vaguely remembered that, b-wo.
Apostropher--I think that the infinitival 'to'--which is what the sentence excerpted in 13 ends with--is not technically a preposition. (Don't start none, won't be none.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 12:08 PM
infinitival 'to'
I'll just be sitting down now. Can I get you anything?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 12:17 PM
Does that exchange someone illustrate the unfogged commenters masochists-posing-as-sadists theory?
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 12:25 PM
Fuck. Someone=somehow.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 12:25 PM
Fuck. Someone
Many of us are trying, few succeeding.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 12:30 PM
Yet another possible motto.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 12:39 PM
Many of us are trying, few succeeding.
I just may be lining up my options right now ... SCMT, you can get out of bed soon
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 1:58 PM
Sorry, pg, but I'm spoken for.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:00 PM
Wait a second. You announce on my blog, a few weeks before our date, that you're about to get some? Dios mio!
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:04 PM
ogged, you're the one who said it must be a sexless marriage. Can't blame a grrrrl for taking care of business.
Nice try, b-wo. Hiding your disappointment that you're not the chosen one ...
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:05 PM
This is twisted and wrong. I can't promise that my post date blogging will correspond in any way to what actually happens on our date.
Oh, by the way, did that "find pg a boy" contest bear fruit?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:11 PM
Fairly standard story so far:
"Boy meets girl on blog. Boy trips (not quite falls) for girl. Girl finds out that she can bench-press boy. Girl gets some elewhere."
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:14 PM
It isn't a done deal yet, ogged ... calm down!
And I thought we were liveblogging the date?
SCMT, I am not a thick woman. I cannot bench-press ogged. The problem is that he cannot bench-press me :)
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:18 PM
Oh ... and re: the contest. Nope. Try again. (You can probably put 2 + 2 together and figure out what 4 is)
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:18 PM
I swear the only person more concerned with my weight is my mother.
Anyway, do you really think that I'd ever get naked in front of someone who has a blog? Good grief.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:19 PM
Oh, I'm supposed to have a clue who you're about to bed? Um, nope...
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:20 PM
Anyway, do you really think that I'd ever get naked in front of someone who has a blog?
You always wear the titanium superhero underwear, eh? Even when you're the only person around? (Since we are currently communicationg on *your* blog)
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:20 PM
I cannot bench-press ogged. The problem is that he cannot bench-press me
I can't imagine a bench would be very comfortable anyway.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:21 PM
Oh, I'm supposed to have a clue who you're about to bed
Ummm, Labs, of course!
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:21 PM
Er, when I put 24, 28, and 31 together it adds up to "It's a girl." But I may be reading that wrong.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:22 PM
Labs! Of course!
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:23 PM
You're reading that wrong.
Anyone who has read my blog for ... I guess 4 months or so? ... might be able to figure it out.
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:24 PM
Yes, ogged, Labs. I fell for him after I saw his leathery leathery chair.
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:24 PM
Damn.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:25 PM
Wait, the "boy" then? After that, I'm all out of guesses.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:26 PM
oh, ogged, my sexless marriage husband. you are so smart!
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:31 PM
By the way, don't think I didn't notice that you declined to enter the "find pg a boy" contest.
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:31 PM
Dignity, pg, dignity.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:32 PM
SCMT, I am not a thick woman. I cannot bench-press ogged.
My comment had nothing to do with your weight. My sister, who's a Size 2, might be able to bench press 150 lbs. (I'm tetchy about having my comments on a woman's weight misinterpreted, as an innocent and humorous attempt to justify taking a very attractive woman's dessert once own-goaled me out of any chance at sex).
My personal bet is that PG's arranging comfort sex with the ex, but I haven't read enough of her blog to make a considered guess.
Posted by SomeCallMeMom | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:33 PM
Wrong again, I see.
(OT: out of curiousity, Ogged, (1) can you tell what browser most people use, and (2) if #1, are most people using IE?)
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:35 PM
PG is totally not into the ex-sex scene. I suppose one might think it is comforting. I think a hug from ex is comforting. Sex would be ... inappropriate.
SCMT, I wasn't taking it wrong. I just couldn't pass the opportunity to bring up the thick woman thing.
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:38 PM
(I'm tetchy about having my comments on a woman's weight misinterpreted, as an innocent and humorous attempt to justify taking a very attractive woman's dessert once own-goaled me out of any chance at sex).
This is truly, truly, hysterical. Was the dessert worth it? Or did you not get any of that either?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:40 PM
Browser stats from March here.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:41 PM
Yes, Tim, please tell the story.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:41 PM
Yes, tell the story!
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:42 PM
That, my dear, is "Day in the Life" stuff. That's why I said that your nude wedding story wouldn't make my top 10. And no, I didn't get the cake. I did get fairly nasty looks from all of the other women at the table, though.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:44 PM
Aw, c'mon, what did you say?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:46 PM
And did you establish whether she got mad because you insulted her weight, or because you tried to take her food?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:48 PM
I must have oversold it, because there's really not much to it. I had been hitting on an attractive woman, and things were, if not encouraging, certainly not discouraging. She was your classic GND attractive: tall, thin, blond, and cute. I innocently suggested that, given her thighs (IIRC), she didn't really need the cake. I assumed, b/c she was pretty, it would be an obvious joke (like calling ogged fat). I was younger and stupider then.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:53 PM
Hahaha!
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:54 PM
GND?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:57 PM
GND?
Isn't there some complicated system for hitting on women that involves being insulting in the expectation that they will then fall all over themselves and have sex with you in an effort to gain your good opinion? The words neurolinguistic programming are coming to mind, although it doesn't look as if that can be right. It also doesn't sound like it works, at least not for you.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:59 PM
here
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 2:59 PM
girl next door
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 3:00 PM
I assumed "General, non-descript," but goole suggests it's "girl next door"
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 3:00 PM
Google, obvs.
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 3:01 PM
Let's see if we can hit 100 explanations!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 3:02 PM
gigantic natty dyke?
Posted by profgrrrrl | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 3:04 PM
Isn't there some complicated system for hitting on women that involves being insulting in the expectation that they will then fall all over themselves and have sex with you in an effort to gain your good opinion?
I thought this was the "junior-high dating system." Also, hitting the girl meant you liked her, right (bring on the wife-beater jokes)?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 3:06 PM
Well, I don't know about being insulting, but not returning calls/email seems to work.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 3:36 PM
Also general mindfucking.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 3:56 PM
"I never ask girls out because I don't want to sound like some sexist asshole." (exasperated sigh) "I don't know how you put up with these cretins."
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 4:05 PM
Unfortunately, it works so well that I feel compelled to defend the masculinity of the person I'm thinking of. In fact, I'm sure it's all my fault.
But that's hilarious.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 4:23 PM
"We all prefer a clean break but let's face it, a whimpster breakup can drag on pathetically, for weeks, even months, as he nobly attempts to 'just be friends.' The drunken apologetic phone calls, the Craigslist missed connections, the messages of his burning heartbreak sent through mutual friends. Or, for the most dramatic whimpster effect: he'll write a letter and then wait for it to rain in the middle of the night so he can bring it to you."
Ha ha ha.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 4:26 PM
"I never ask girls out because I don't want to sound like some sexist asshole." (exasperated sigh) "I don't know how you put up with these cretins."
Repeating your links?
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 4:39 PM
You know, half the country's problems could be solved if women would (to quote W. Smith) "give it up, nice and eas-y." (Yes, I took the test. Safely metrosexual.)
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 4:48 PM
Speaking of links, I wouldn't be surprised if someone already linked to this.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 4:52 PM
Yes, eb, I am repeating my links, when appropriate.
You wanna make something of it?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 4:54 PM
Nope, just verifying. It seemed like déjà lu all over again.
But if it bothers you, maybe we'd better step offline and have a little chat.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 5:07 PM
Isn't there some complicated system for hitting on women that involves being insulting in the expectation that they will then fall all over themselves and have sex with you in an effort to gain your good opinion?
LB: The problem with that scenario is that first one would have to find a girl who values one's good opinion...
Posted by DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 04-26-05 6:08 PM