Re: Help Me Date Myself

1

How can we answer that question, without knowing where you are, and what small arty theaters are nearby?

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2

You can't lose, Ben, because either the movie you recommend will be playing in my area, or you'll be able to gloat about how much hipper your neighborhood is than mine. (If you're more inclined to think, "Just go the the Music Box and see whatever's playing there," I'll grant that you have a point.)

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3

You're having trouble dating yourself? Start with some simple tests.

What music was playing on the radio when you were in high school?

Was the first computer you used CP/M, DOS, or Windows/Mac?

We should be able to date you in no time.

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4

I'm fond of saying that bloggers get the commenters they deserve, but, but...

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5

If anything directed by Guy Maddin is playing near you, you should see that.

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6

1. Isn't it disingenuous of Wolfson to ask that question, since (IIRC) you've met him and he actually knows where you live?

2. There are two possible guides to the recommendations, your enjoyment or the stuff it would be funny to read about on your blog. If the former, Sahara or Sin City. If the latter, Ice Princess or A Lot Like Love.

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7

Yes, Wolfson is fucking with me.

Please, think of my enjoyment. Sahara's good?

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8

I don't know. But it sounds good, and if you see it and it sucks, you can save the rest of us some cash. I'm also considering seeing Sin City, so maybe you could make it a double feature tonight?

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9

You recommended for my enjoyment two movies that you haven't seen? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

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10

I see most things on DVD these days. When I go to the movies, I always come out pissed that I wasted two hours of my life on pure tripe. With a DVD, you can shut the damn thing off or do other things at the same time, etc.

Look, we're maximizing the utility of your moviegoing. Chances are good, based on my above mentioned experiences, that whatever is recommended will not be worth the effort. So, if the effort is going to be wasted, it might as well be done in the cause of sparing the effort of others.

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11

Maybe you can start your own Movie Martyr blog.

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12

Sahara has better than anticipated reviews, and the NYT says it's a not horrible imitation of Raiders of the Lost Arc. You can't seriously be expecting more than that.

I'd never heard of Movie Martyr before; great name.

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13

That's because I just made it up, but you can have it, as long as you start a blog with that as the theme.

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14

Liar. I searched, there is a website out there called just that, and I believe the motto is "suffering movies so you don't have to."

Maybe it's time for another Abu Cohen question: Dear Abu, I know of a guy claiming credit for an idea that is demonstrably the work of someone else? What should I do?

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15

No shit? Wait, googling...

Cool!

I call Leibniz.

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16

Jeebus. Sometimes I read what I've written here and weep. Fuck to oboe.

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17

Wait, Sahara has Matthew McConaughey in it? Are you trying to kill me?

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18

Nicole Kidman is worth seeing in almost anything.

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19

Kung Fu Hustle! Not Oscar material, but that's a feature not a bug.

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20

Considering that one...

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21

I'm going to go out of my way to catch Kung Fu Hustle this weekend.

Sin City is very, very stylized; very, very dark; and very, very good. Depending on your appetite for darkness (and grotesque--if stylized--mayhem), you may or may not enjoy it.

I enjoyed it once, but I don't think I'll ever need to see it again.

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22

I saw Shanolin Soccer by the director of Kung Fu Hustle and it was good.

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23

I thought to myself "Kung Fu Hustle? or Oldboy? Oldboy sounds pretty interesting..."

Nine dollars later, prepping for nightmares...

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24

I think you should take one for the team and see the Interpreter, which I just read about in Entertainment Weekly thusly (and this is the caption over a pic of Nicole Kidman):

    Kidman roams hallowed halls, showing off her bangs -- which moved so much they made continuity a nightmare.

I'd also like you to see Palindromes, which was soundly panned by the New Yorker and which Entertainment Weekly gave an A-, so who knows? It's by that creepy Todd Solondz but features Jennifer Jason Leigh who, I have to admit, I have a bit of a crush on. No one digs through shag carpet for a fallen quaalude like our Jen-Jen AND NO THAT IS NOT A EUPHEMISM, said the lesbian, not a little defensively. (You did all see Rush, yes?)

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25

Hey, I have a crush on JJL. I'd go see Palindromes with you, snarky ;)

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26

Uh, Tim? It's not funny when I ask women out on the blog unless you make fun of me for it.

Tim?

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27

I think we established that just about all of us have a crush in Jennifer Jason Leigh. What is her power?

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28

In, on, shrug.

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29

Ogged, in the unlikely event that Moira lives near you, why the hell don't you go see a movie with her? It seems like you guys might get along IRL, and you wouldn't have to worry about any of that sexual tension stuff messing things up.

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30

Yeah, and get a haircut, hippy.

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31

I *knew* you were a hippy.

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32

Well, I too stayed in last night which was a waste of an incredibly awesome hair day. It was criminal not to share mon coiffure with the world.

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33

Is that a yes? I can never tell.

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34

that is not in of itself a yes.

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35

Oldboy is sick, twisted, and amazingly good.

This is one that'll amaze you.

Fair warning though, it's extremely gruesome.

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36

Malt Nut sounds gross.

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37

an acquired taste

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38

It's actually by far the best Powerbar flavor.

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39

Still conceivably gross, though.

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40

But in fact very good.

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41

Why not just have a candy bar? It's basically the same thing.

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42

Grump grump, that's false. 9g of protein the the PB; also a bunch of vitamins, and a pretty reasonable 18g of sugar.

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43

But powerbars are the betamax of the nutrition bar market. They are less tasty, and contain less protein than almost any other option.

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44

What are the total calories of the PowerBar? As to the rest, I'd bet you get most of your needed vitamins and such from the rest of your meals. Why not simply accept that you're having a candy bar? You're paying an extra buck to feel virtuous in your vice. (I mean, I know you've declared a fatwa on cheapness, but that's ridiculous.)

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45

so they are like betamax, in that they don't taste good and don't contain much protein. But unlike betamax, they don't play movies. A lose-lose.

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46

You guys are, of course, confused. 230 calories in a PB, 25 from fat. Compare a Milky Way bar's 270/90. Not even close. Also the MW bar has a meager 2g of protein, and 35 (2x) grams of sugar. They're really not the same thing. Text, I'm willing to bet that I've tried more energy bars than you have, but I'm listening, what's better?

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47

You're beefing over 40 calories? And calories from fat - who cares? Calories are calorie.

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48

Pre-workout, a Clif-bar is better. Post work-out, any number of bars. Met-rx have lots of protein (like 30 grams), not too much sugar, and taste ok, though a little dry. There are a bunch of new ones out there too.

Just as a snack, I prefer zone bars, which have, I think, 15 g. protein, 8 g. sugar.

Clif-bars, Met-rx, and especially Zone bars taste much better, in my estimation, than a power bar. But power bar was first in the market and retains high sales solely for that reason.

I am ashamed of the above knowledge.

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49

Tim, calories add up, and it's not true that all calories are equal. There's some evidence that fat consumed is more easily converted to fat stored. And, that aside, fat, particularly the kind found in candy bars, elevates blood cholesterol. Quit being contrary.

Text, tried all those (have even met Clif), and they're not bad. Clif bars are more sugary than PBs, and I really do feel the difference. Used to live on Met-Rx bars, and I like them, but just don't need the protein; same with the Zone bars, if I'm recalling correctly. There is an energy bar that I use like a candy bar: Larabar. Very yummy if they have them near you.

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50

not all calories are the same. fiber > protein > fat > sugar.

I like fiber especially because it makes me poo. And gorging oneself on avocadoes is the surest road to immortality.

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51

Luna bars, ogged, get in touch with your feminine side. They're yummy.

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52

I am not acquainted with larabar. Your knowledge is greater than mine.

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53

Yeah, I've had Luna bars, but aren't they the ones with the weird coating? Too sweet, or something.

Thanks for sharing, text. It's a well-established fact that I love avocados.

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54

Mmm. Luna bars.

I like pria bars too, and they're fewer calories.

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55

Yup, pria too small, also has milk, and I'm lactose intolerant.

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56

Ah. Pria is just the right size for a snack for me. Pity 'bout the milk thing.

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57

Yup, sucks. Otherwise, this would all be moot and I'd live on ice-cream.

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58

I'm a very, very new convert to healthy living, but if this is what it takes, I give up. Unless you're consuming more calories a day than you burn, I can't imagine that the fat->fat mechanism matters. That three of you have such detailed knowledge of power bars means I am clearly not up to speed on how the Smart Set lives.

I'm going try and get adopted by Apostropher.

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59

Now I feel bad, you bastard. The most important thing, if you're trying to lose weight, is indeed the calories in vs. burned. And if you just eat a little salad and fruit a day, and don't gorge yourself on nasty stuff otherwise, you'll be fine. You don't actually need to know anything about energy bars, or ever eat one; I happen to like them.

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60

It's not so much weight loss (though I could stand to drop some) as general "healthy living"; but the levels of body chemistry knowledge you lot seem to have ... I'd say it's neurotic, but, as a recent convert, my zealotry carries me through the valley of your apparent insanity.

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61

Well, like I say, you don't really have to worry about that stuff. If you're neurotic, and we know you are, you'll get there by yourself.

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62

They're all nasty. Bagel pre-workout, yoghurt post-workout. Energy/protein bars have the texture of corrugated cardboard and weird sticky sweetness. It's like a lying chocolate bar.

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63

Is it terrible to drink coffee before a workout?

And Ogged- if you saw a cute woman in Whole Foods, what would you say to her? I thought you were saying you didn't like to chat people up.

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64

Well, I'm not opposed to being chatted up. And, in fact, I'm not completely hopeless: I did ask out someone who works there last year. But basically, I figure that if I don't leave the house, then I have *no* chance.

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65

I dunno, you got a date with pg that way, right?

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66

True, and maybe Moira will go see a movie with me. Hmm. Maybe I *shouldn't* ever leave the house.

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67

I'm going out a little later with a friend of mine who is totally on the prowl. She's got no embarrassment either. She's taken to choosing the cutest guy in any store/cafe/bar she enters and going up to him and trying to start a conversation. She's been blown off many times now, but she just keeps on going. It's admirable.

This one guy said to her: "I'm a doctor, baby. Tripping over women. I'm just here to drink."

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68

I'm a doctor, baby. Tripping over women.

Hahaha! Awesome. Self-knowledge.

Anyway, your friend gives all men hope.

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69

Ogged, which one are you?

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70

anyway, miso soup only takes a few minutes, and it has a terrific protein/calorie ratio, it's not expensive, and it tastes good.

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71

He's clearly the one in the middle—it's the schnozz that gives it away.

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72

"I'm a doctor, baby. Tripping over women. I'm just here to drink."

prick.

It *seems* like an inordinate percentage of doctors are pricks. Your thoughts?

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73

ben,

and I thought *I* was a bastard.

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74

that was hilarious, though.

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75

I found an old malt nut powerbar in my baby carrier on a hike today, and my kids both gobbled it up as a trail snack. Two thumbs up from the pre-school set.

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76

The guys at Whole Foods tend to be attractive as well, though I think it likely similar priorities/lifestyles factor into that. I also recommend going to see Merchant of Venice in the event you ever leave your house again. I'll date you.

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77

ogged, you went to bed and wake up with a date! Just like that!

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78

And judging by the portrait on aspyre's site, she's classically beautiful to boot!

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79

Not to mention she's got a post on "misplaced organs."

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80

I don't know why there's lint in my hair:

http://morphine.nrez.net/pics/andrea1.jpg

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81

Wait, is that really you? (In which case, you have fantastic skin.) Sure, let's date.

Now what?

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82

"You're just jealous because I've been chatting with hot chicks online all day."

Erm. You could message me. Or visit Scottsdale.

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83

"You're just jealous because I've been chatting with hot chicks online all day."

Who said this?

Scottsdale, eh? Your blogger profile says Olympia.

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84

(I'd note that you don't get skin like that while outdoor-ing all the time, ogged.)

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85

Ogged, it's from Napoleon Dynamite, a movie I haven't seen.

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86

Sure, let's date.

Now what?

Ogged displays DA GAME!

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87

I will be living in Scottsdale/Cave Creek for the next 6 months at least, then Europe.

Didn't even bother to read her blog.

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88

Thanks for getting my back guys.

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89

At the mineshaft.

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90

So, Andrea, you're hot, and if I'm Scottsdale way, I'll be sure to look you up, but then there's this, which has Premature Death written all over it.

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91

I almost think he's taking my advice about shooting for the pity-date, except he's deprecating his own bedroom stamina, which is one ofthe qualities which it is not acceptable to make the target of pity, even on the pity-date.

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92

Michael, give it a few years, you'll understand.

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93

whether this is true or not is one thing. whether you should bring it up while arranging a date is another.

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94

All that is mortal must die...

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95

How long a drive is Scottsdale from LA?

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96

you mean LA from Scottsdale.

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97

Right. Either way, it looks like 5 hours plus.

Looks like ogged misses out again.

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98

re 94:

TO THE BLOGGER, TO MAKE MUCH OF TIME

Be not coy, take off your pants

And while ye may go to it

For having lost but once your chance

Ye may forever rue it.

Anyone who wants to work on the first through third quatrains is more than welcome.

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99

Quatrain #2:

This abstinent streak, the source of our fun,

The longer it's a-getting.

The blogger needs to get him some,

His TiVo needs resetting.

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100

Yes! I was trying to figure out how to work the TiVo in there.

Girl I knew in college is descended from Robert Herrick, no lie.

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101

You knew one girl in college? I mean, I heard stories about Chicago, but that's pushing it. Also, how recently graduated are you again? I'm curious if you knew either of my two high school friends who went there (I'm betting yes to one (by reputation), no to the other).

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102

Well excuuuuuse me for dropping the article. I graduated '04. Who are your friends?

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103

Laura Schechter and George Singer.

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104

Yeah, well, who didn't know Laura by reputation?

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105

I wasn't a student there, but my guess would have been: very few people.

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106

Well, I do have a bad memory, but I think I make 1

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107

lines 1,3,5,7 all have different counts, but 2,4,6,8 are all 7 syllables.

His witty banter; his pitiful plight;

His ambivalent sexuality,

These do the females incite

But his game lacks sensuality

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108

i'm curious, why did everyone know this girl?

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109

oztk: she was widely known for being a stripper. Also wicked smart--she was elected to phi beta kappa as a junior, and was a student marshal (not that she ever assisted with graduations), apparently involved in UT. I think she was an english major? I might be getting her confused with someone else (Anne Rounds) on that point.

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110

I have no idea about the student marshal, nor do I know what UT is. Everything else I vouch for. I'm also unsure if I should have done something which was going to lead to this being written in a googleable fashion, though I would have written something very similar to what b-wo did if I hadn't gone out for awhile. She's apparently in the process of writing a book/ getting it published now.

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111

UT is University Theater. A very smart fellow who lived across from me last year resented that she got the jr. election, and he had to wait until the next year, since, as he said, she was in his BA seminar, or some seminar, with him, and he claimed she wasn't the brightest person going.

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