There is a Roman statue of a dying Gaul, in which the Gaul's hair looks a lot like Ryan Seacrest's. So it's good to look at, because he's dying from a stomach wound. But the Gaul has more pathos than Ryan Seacrest could show.
All things considered, I think it's better for everyone if I'm crammed in a bus with these people than if I'm crammed onto an expressway, where we're all carrying around our huge hunk of gas-burning machinery.
(And I do mean our cocks, obviously.)
Baa, feel free to make some remark about how I've misunderstood the relative efficiency of public transit and congested big-city freeways.
As a native of the south side of Chicago, I've got dozens of CTA stories. Like all high school kids in my area, we all took the CTA to school. My Dad also took the CTA to work most days. Our schedule's didn't match however, so we almost never were on the same busses. But one day I had to stay late to work on a project, so I ended up on the same bus as him. I walk on the bus after transfering to another, and see him sitting there next to a transvestite. He's sitting there, just staring ahead, trying to ignore the whole situation. I don't say a word, he doesn't make eye contact, and I sit a few rows back. We get to our stop and we get off. I'm trying to think of a good joke, but cannot. His only comment was let's not tell mom about this. I don't think I stopped laughing the entire 3 block walk home.
There is a Roman statue of a dying Gaul, in which the Gaul's hair looks a lot like Ryan Seacrest's. So it's good to look at, because he's dying from a stomach wound. But the Gaul has more pathos than Ryan Seacrest could show.
I thought the Gauls used lime (not the citrus fruit, but rather calcium oxide, which they probably derived from holly bark) to get all pointy-haired (with white streaks!). I don't think butter would work for that look.
Won't some faithful Unfogged reader go do some experimenting and report back? Wolfson? Michael??
"The Gauls generally went bareheaded, their long hair being gathered together and tied on top of their heads, whence it streamed loose in the breeze, like a horse's tail. All the warriors took special pride in the length and thickness of their hair, which they carefully combed and often rubbed with rancid butter, so as to keep it thick and glossy."
That cite also claims that the Gauls were naturally better looking than other barbarians, and for rather Eurocentric reasons, so take it with a grain of salt.
Also, it dispells my Ryan Seacrest theory, which renders it inherently suspect.
Doesn't anyone have to work today?! Talk to me: butter, Gauls, lime, Rimbaud, Ryan Seacrest -- this is ample cock joke material. Your cup runneth over.
From my ancestors the Gauls I have pale blue eyes, a narrow brain, and awkwardness in competition. I think my clothes are as barbaric as theirs. But I don't butter my hair.
The Gauls were the most stupid hide-flayers and hay-burners of their time.
I'd make some joke about having Sylvester Stallone do a poetry reading, but I see that someone has beaten me to it.
Shut down the CTA!
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:20 PM
Yes, the title was just for you guys.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:21 PM
I thought there was some arcane connection between title and post that was escaping me.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:22 PM
Well, it's also the case that she's on the CTA and having these traumatic experiences.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:24 PM
re: mimi's diary.
Mongols didn't butter themselves; the Gauls did, I think. To make their hair stick up -- similiar to the "bed head" look.
Posted by textualist | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:41 PM
There is a Roman statue of a dying Gaul, in which the Gaul's hair looks a lot like Ryan Seacrest's. So it's good to look at, because he's dying from a stomach wound. But the Gaul has more pathos than Ryan Seacrest could show.
Posted by textualist | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:43 PM
Cool, thanks textu!
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:44 PM
I can probably troll somewhere else, or do my job.
Posted by textu | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:47 PM
I was serious; I just emailed mimi your comment.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:49 PM
I am overly sensitive; I will continue to troll here. Screw employment.
Posted by textu | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:50 PM
You and LB should start a firm together, and hire Unf, who will do all the work.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 2:53 PM
All things considered, I think it's better for everyone if I'm crammed in a bus with these people than if I'm crammed onto an expressway, where we're all carrying around our huge hunk of gas-burning machinery.
(And I do mean our cocks, obviously.)
Baa, feel free to make some remark about how I've misunderstood the relative efficiency of public transit and congested big-city freeways.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 4:26 PM
As a native of the south side of Chicago, I've got dozens of CTA stories. Like all high school kids in my area, we all took the CTA to school. My Dad also took the CTA to work most days. Our schedule's didn't match however, so we almost never were on the same busses. But one day I had to stay late to work on a project, so I ended up on the same bus as him. I walk on the bus after transfering to another, and see him sitting there next to a transvestite. He's sitting there, just staring ahead, trying to ignore the whole situation. I don't say a word, he doesn't make eye contact, and I sit a few rows back. We get to our stop and we get off. I'm trying to think of a good joke, but cannot. His only comment was let's not tell mom about this. I don't think I stopped laughing the entire 3 block walk home.
Posted by niucons | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 5:19 PM
There is a Roman statue of a dying Gaul, in which the Gaul's hair looks a lot like Ryan Seacrest's. So it's good to look at, because he's dying from a stomach wound. But the Gaul has more pathos than Ryan Seacrest could show.
Vercingetorix...out!
Posted by Dan Someone | Link to this comment | 04-15-05 10:08 PM
I thought the Gauls used lime (not the citrus fruit, but rather calcium oxide, which they probably derived from holly bark) to get all pointy-haired (with white streaks!). I don't think butter would work for that look.
Won't some faithful Unfogged reader go do some experimenting and report back? Wolfson? Michael??
Posted by Mitch Mills | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 5:07 AM
I had heard a mixture of lime and butter did the trick. Ok, I'll google it.
Posted by textualist | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 9:02 AM
From: http://www.mainlesson.com/display.php?author=guerber&book=oldfrance&story=gauls
"The Gauls generally went bareheaded, their long hair being gathered together and tied on top of their heads, whence it streamed loose in the breeze, like a horse's tail. All the warriors took special pride in the length and thickness of their hair, which they carefully combed and often rubbed with rancid butter, so as to keep it thick and glossy."
That cite also claims that the Gauls were naturally better looking than other barbarians, and for rather Eurocentric reasons, so take it with a grain of salt.
Also, it dispells my Ryan Seacrest theory, which renders it inherently suspect.
Posted by textualist | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 9:07 AM
There is also a Rimbaud poem which references Gauls buttering their hair.
Posted by textualist | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 10:04 AM
Doesn't anyone have to work today?! Talk to me: butter, Gauls, lime, Rimbaud, Ryan Seacrest -- this is ample cock joke material. Your cup runneth over.
Posted by textualist | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 12:25 PM
I'm not working, but I am boning a leg of lamb while naked.
I'd like to see you do something with that.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 12:28 PM
ample cock [...] Your cup runneth over.
There you go, textualist.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 12:28 PM
here's the data in comma-separated values format.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 12:32 PM
I'd make some joke about having Sylvester Stallone do a poetry reading, but I see that someone has beaten me to it.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 12:35 PM
here's the data in comma-separated values format.
butter, Gauls, lime, Rimbaud, Ryan Seacrest
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 12:35 PM
Whoops, 22 is in the wrong thread. Oh well.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 12:39 PM
I am now satisfied.
Posted by textualist | Link to this comment | 04-16-05 1:22 PM