The observation in your post, Ogged, strikes me as considerably more true of work environments than of social circles, although I am merely generalizing from personal experience, which is bound to not be universal, and, as well, it might be necessary to more carefully define "social circle." But maybe not.
I do think it is more true of work environments. But i suspect that there are difficulties among many in the professional and in particular the academic professional class when it comes to differentiating between work and non work.
What is really upsetting is losing respect for a previously esteemed colleague because of how they act when placed in a position of power. The merely annoying can quickly become crazy/evil in those situtations. Not that this is something that could ever happen in my office, which I will henceforth refer to as the shark tank.
You are then left to play poker with your colleagues who view you as an ally of crazy/evil. And every time you disabuse someone of that notion you are committing a betrayal or an event that will be viewed as a betrayal. Sad.
Well, no. But I did own a "Reagan Hates Me" t-shirt in college.
Now that is good. Unfortunately, Reagan came after my college years, so my little show of rebellion was a t-shirt that said "DbD" on one side and "Death before Disco" on the other. Obviously I didn't wear it when going to the Disco. It was for demonstrating my very kewl non-conformity around campus.
At the disco I wore a leisure suit with silk shirt, of course.
The observation in your post, Ogged, strikes me as considerably more true of work environments than of social circles
You might not like someone in your social circle, and think him annoying/crazy/evil, but presumably at least one of your friends does like him. So the dynamic suggested by Ogged probably doesn't apply.
Talking to myself here, apparently, but I'll continue.
I once invited a new friend on a weekend trip, and discovered, on the drive up, that I didn't actually like her. And she ruined the weekend. I inflicted her on the group, there was no one to blame but me.
Also bad is finding that someone you once liked has stayed the same while you changed, and is now a total goon. Embarassing when you bring your friend from home(!) to parties.
I like to think that my close friends and myself share a sort of enlightenment that cannot be expected from everyone; if someone fails to fit in, no problem -- it is to be expected. I am polite to that person and suffer little discomfort.
What's worse is if it seems as though one of us has lost his enlightenment, or -- in moments when I fear I am losing it -- that it is something we just made up.
What's worse is when someone lays down this marker (this one or that one is evil) and others feel the need to act as if they agree, when they probably really don't. I had this high school esque experience in a different part of the shark tank recently.
That's a great point to make on a blog where some commenters are insecure about how their comments are received by others.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 10:53 AM
Yes, we all hate you.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 10:54 AM
I figured that was motivating the post.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 10:59 AM
I love everybody.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 11:00 AM
I should update with the corollary: If you have a vague sense that maybe people don't like you, they all hate your guts.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 11:01 AM
crap.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 11:20 AM
Am I the only one who thinks Don Mclean's "Everybody Loves Me, Baby" applies to them?
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 11:33 AM
Or Billy Bragg's "Everybody Likes You, Babe, But Me"?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 11:40 AM
God does, but I don't.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 11:45 AM
Am I the only one
No. I'm pretty sure I'm irresistible.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 11:51 AM
apostropher,
Oh, you are.
But do you have a shirt which says "Sure, Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite."
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 12:15 PM
Well, no. But I did own a "Reagan Hates Me" t-shirt in college.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 12:54 PM
re: #9
And that's the difference between God and me.
Posted by Doug | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 2:07 PM
>If you have a vague sense that maybe people don't like you, they all hate your guts.
That is so true.
Posted by baa | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 2:32 PM
The observation in your post, Ogged, strikes me as considerably more true of work environments than of social circles, although I am merely generalizing from personal experience, which is bound to not be universal, and, as well, it might be necessary to more carefully define "social circle." But maybe not.
Posted by Gary Farber | Link to this comment | 05-25-05 6:53 PM
I do think it is more true of work environments. But i suspect that there are difficulties among many in the professional and in particular the academic professional class when it comes to differentiating between work and non work.
What is really upsetting is losing respect for a previously esteemed colleague because of how they act when placed in a position of power. The merely annoying can quickly become crazy/evil in those situtations. Not that this is something that could ever happen in my office, which I will henceforth refer to as the shark tank.
You are then left to play poker with your colleagues who view you as an ally of crazy/evil. And every time you disabuse someone of that notion you are committing a betrayal or an event that will be viewed as a betrayal. Sad.
Posted by benton | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 7:25 AM
apostropher,
Well, no. But I did own a "Reagan Hates Me" t-shirt in college.
Now that is good. Unfortunately, Reagan came after my college years, so my little show of rebellion was a t-shirt that said "DbD" on one side and "Death before Disco" on the other. Obviously I didn't wear it when going to the Disco. It was for demonstrating my very kewl non-conformity around campus.
At the disco I wore a leisure suit with silk shirt, of course.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 7:34 AM
The observation in your post, Ogged, strikes me as considerably more true of work environments than of social circles
You might not like someone in your social circle, and think him annoying/crazy/evil, but presumably at least one of your friends does like him. So the dynamic suggested by Ogged probably doesn't apply.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 10:12 AM
Unless of course your friends bring people you don't like to social events just to torment you.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 10:21 AM
Talking to myself here, apparently, but I'll continue.
I once invited a new friend on a weekend trip, and discovered, on the drive up, that I didn't actually like her. And she ruined the weekend. I inflicted her on the group, there was no one to blame but me.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 12:23 PM
Also bad is finding that someone you once liked has stayed the same while you changed, and is now a total goon. Embarassing when you bring your friend from home(!) to parties.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 12:46 PM
I like to think that my close friends and myself share a sort of enlightenment that cannot be expected from everyone; if someone fails to fit in, no problem -- it is to be expected. I am polite to that person and suffer little discomfort.
What's worse is if it seems as though one of us has lost his enlightenment, or -- in moments when I fear I am losing it -- that it is something we just made up.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 1:17 PM
Of course, text: apostasy is much more regrettable than the simple case of never having been right in the first place.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 1:22 PM
"But, in my experience, you should relax, because almost every time, everyone else can see it too."
That's pretty annoying, as well. Why does consensus matter?
Posted by Joey B | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 1:42 PM
What's worse is when someone lays down this marker (this one or that one is evil) and others feel the need to act as if they agree, when they probably really don't. I had this high school esque experience in a different part of the shark tank recently.
Posted by benton | Link to this comment | 05-26-05 2:20 PM