Re: Get Him Off The Streets

1

I have Ezra Klein's umbrella. Left it after his last stint in DC.

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2

There are probably more efficient ways of communicating that to him than posting it in the comments here.

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3

He was bragging.

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4

I have Wolfson's modus ponens. I hired a logic ninja to swipe it.

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5

He'll never miss it.

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6

Oh no! If I don't have modus ponens, then I won't be able to perform many valid inferences! What's more, it seems I don't have modus ponens. I'm not really sure what to make of that, though.

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7

Sure, but is it paisley?

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8

Well, Ben, check your pants to see if your modus tollens is still there, and get back to us.

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9

Logic ninjas are the worst kind. And I of course appreciate the clarification from 3, since like all comments here, mine was made with complete sincerity.

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10

It's not paisley, it's tortoiseshell.

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11

I owned an umbrella?

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12

You know, for when it rains, or for parachuting off the bridge down to the bank just as a flurry of shuriken strike left and right sik-sik-sik! about your syllogism.

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13

Does everyone appreciate Standpipe enough?

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14

Great, maybe you'd like to go on a hot date before your date with me too?

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15

Have we been enlightened as to Standpipe's gender as yet?

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16

Does aspyre care?

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17

Ummm Ogged. The combination of 14 & 16 begs certain questions.

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18

How heteronormative of me.

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19

Austro, first, this.

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20

Alright then (nice answer BTW): 14 & 16 in combination demand that questions be asked. How bout that for "letter to the editor" pompousness? Im still lookin' for answers though.

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21

Austro, you still haven't asked any questions.

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22

Don't be jealous, Ogged. My ability to recognize merit in others does not devalue my estimation of you.

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23

I feel compelled to mention: "Funny, I don't remember agreeing to see other people."

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24

Right. It's the trend that hurts.

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25

Nor have I.

I just wanted to note that questions oughta be asked. Im too new to aske em though. might get banned.

Also, I believe you can combinatorial skills are better than mine... therefore I conclude you are evading the question I have not asked.

I have to rush, already.

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26

Dear Austro, few things would make me feel more foolish than answering the wrong unasked question.

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27

The real implied question here--not Austro's implied question (I am not touching that)--is whether Ogged objects to having two women at once.

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28

Indeed he does, ac, indeed he does.

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29

the question every man longs to hear.

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30

you object?

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31

I suppose three is right out.

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32

No, it's four that's right out.

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33

I thought it was five? Three?

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34

Two of LizardBreath's sister, aspyre and profgrrrrl will be so disappointed!

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35

Ah, crap. It's five that's right out:

'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

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36

Three is also out, but I'm sure that at some point, there could be enough women such that their personalities would be subsumed by the group, effectively becoming one totally hot femaleness. 15? 1 or 15 or more. I think that's a good rule.

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37

Yes, and then the oral sex.

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38

Ogged, really, don't you owe it to all three of them to give them each a try? You could liveblog an ElimiDate style get-together.

It's only fair to you and to them, I think.

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39

at least he allows 1. was wonderin'.

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40

Aspyre, I'm not sure I follow your 37, but just for saying "and then the oral sex" I think you go to the head of the line.

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41

I think ogged's stated objection is to multiple women (fewer than 15) in parallel. Does he also object to them serially? Ogged?

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42

15 or more.

This happens in your country?

or at the mineshaft?

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43

ogged, 37 is a reference to Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, from which 35 is excerpted.

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44

that's some low-hangin fruit in 40, ogged.

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45

Ah, thanks, Ben. Y'all know I don't remember anything from movies. Parallel, serial, they're all out. People (also pets and plants) require attention, which I have in a limited amount. 1 or "effectively one," which equals 15 (or more).

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46

Ogged, you raised objections to a previous comment of mine on questions of stamina, do you really think you could field 15?

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47

because i'll take the other 13 girls, if necessary.

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48

These fifteen women would all be smokin' hot bisexual ladies, aspyre, so while ogged was tending to the few he could at any one time, the rest would be taking care of themselves.

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49

I was thinking that, with 15, I wouldn't actually have to do much of the work. You're a trooper for volunteering to work with the rest.

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50

I'm picturing ogged as a drone bee in mortal ecstasy, thronged by a hive-count of workers. What did I do to deserve this?

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51

Unless I run off with Standpipe.

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52

It's impossible to resist twisting the knife, isn't it? But yes, Bridge, that's precisely what I was picturing.

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53

Are the bee costumes fuzzy, with pipe-cleaner antennae? Because that's what I imagine.

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54

A rare picture of ogged.

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55

I was going to allude to circular motion & knife-twisting, but that would be obscene.

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56

You danced last night, eh?

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57

Yes, we shagged & swung. A little bit of lindy hop too.

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58

we shagged

What does this mean in America?

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59

Has to do with carpet.

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60

"Originating in the late '30s on the shores of Myrtle Beach, Shag has gained such a following that it is now the Official State Dance of South Carolina. Over 15,000 Shaggers attend the Myrtle Beach "Spring Safari" in March, with an almost equal number showing up to dance at the September "Fall Migration". There are more Shag Clubs in 4 states in the South than there are any other one type of swing dance club in the world."

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61

Got it, thanks. I'm never sure what the young people get up to nowadays. In any case, I asked because you seem so...perky this morning.

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62

… he typed, with archéd brow.

When you bank at Unfogged, you are paid in prurient interest.

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63

"Originating in the late '30s..." Young people?

Just how old are you, Ogged?

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64

I forget.

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65

OK, wondering how best to respond to public admiration has me at a loss, but ignoring it in the meanwhile is just rude. So, aspyre: Thank you for your extremely generous comments here.

Now, let's turn to something less fraught than inter-commenter relations, like state-sponsored religion.

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