Re: Secrets

1

Dude ... you *just* finding out about this?

What secret will you send in?

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2

1 raises the question of whether pg has sent a postcard.

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3

Indeed. Which one's yours PG?

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4

I have no time for that stuff. But I had considered it, yes. Would become a major craft project, though, to create a worthy postcard.

Maybe after the LiT Tour is over.

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5

A better idea is to craft a secret identity and tell secrets on your blog, and then everyone knows who you are and you kind of feel like a dick. That's an awesome crafts project. I learned it from this great book I'm reading, Fontana Labs' 101 ways to be a dick.

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6

I'm unclear; how is this significantly different from the longstanding sites where one simply confesses secrets anonymously (for everyone to read)?

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7

What's the matter with you people? Why didn't you know earlier? What's so special about this? Jesus H. And poor Labs is moved to yet another self-flagellating meltdown. What's with this link? Is it some kind of human frailty sink? I guess mine must be prickly defensiveness, because you know what? I saw it today. I thought is was cool. I went crazy and posted a link to it. Deal with it!

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8

You know, Ogged, it strikes there's something very consistent (and meta?) about the things that irritate you.

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9

I saw it today. I thought is was cool. I went crazy and posted a link to it. Deal with it!

Someone needs some chocolate and a good cry.

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10

All right, that last was pretty mean.

In pennance, I offer this:

My human frailty is a delight in casual cruelty combined with overwhelming guilt and self-loathing for engaging in said cruelty.

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11

Ok, 7 was about 85% in jest. I mean, the comments until there were kinda weird, but I wasn't really annoyed. Though consistency isn't so bad, is it? I mean, one doesn't want to be a madman.

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12

In jest, but revealing all the same. I was actually thinking of it earlier, on the liberals and stereotypes thread--the concern with assuming shared assumptions. It's not a bad thing. In fact, it tends to exonerate you on some past charges made against your character.

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13

Oops, too many forms of "assume." In there.

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14

There have been charges made against my character? That must have been during my hiatus.

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15

Well, even if you don't understand, I'm sure LB will, and her passion for you will increase.

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16

Though consistency isn't so bad, is it? I mean, one doesn't want to be a madman.

Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded -- with what caution -- with what foresight, with what dissimulation, I went to work! I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him.

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17

"For the love of God, Montresor!"

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18

LB will, and her passion for you will increase

Awesome. I'll assume her debts, we'll put her kids to work in the field, and then declare bankruptcy! Last of the true romantics, am I.

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19

But may God shield and deliver me from the fangs of the Arch-Fiend! No sooner had the reverberation of my blows sunk into silence than I was answered by a voice from within the tomb! --by a cry, at first muffled and broken, like the sobbing of a child, and then quickly swelling into one long, loud, and continuous scream, utterly anomalous and inhuman --a howl --a wailing shriek, half of horror and half of triumph, such as might have arisen only out of hell, conjointly from the throats of the damned in their agony and of the demons that exult in the damnation.

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20

Or you could go here and confess.

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21

What, are we talking about consistency again amidst the ramblings of dead 18th century authors? Didn't this already happen?

Placenta.

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22

19th century, for the most part.

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23

I note Bridgeplate's redundant emphasis "dead 18th century authors."

Spleen.

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24

I'm sure LB will

Not so much -- mystified, here. But nothing livens up a night in the salt mines like a little mystification.

we'll put her kids to work in the field

Hey, as soon as Sally can operate a push-broom, I've got her a gig sweeping out the neighborhood butcher shop -- the butcher is on board with this. She develops personal responsibility, we get free bacon, everyone is happy.

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25

spleen

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26

ac is just needling me, LB, because I professed that I would propose to you, but haven't (yet) said the same about her. Impatience, I think it was Kafka who said, is the original sin.

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27

It is so much more than reduntant. When I do it, it is redundantical.

Ogged, it appears we are developing an "obligatory tissue mass" protocol for signing our posts.

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28

Oh, and LB, I heartily approve of your child-rearing methods.

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29

I feel I am alone.

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30

In the comments, one is always alone.

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31

nothing livens up a night in the salt mines like a little mystification.

Kind of like this? (scroll down)

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32

"obligatory tissue mass"

Like a tumor? A tumor protocol?

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33

Ah.

Well, your proposal will always have a special place in my heart, right up there with the Samoan teacher who offered to marry me, despite my unfortunate appearance, because my parents must be getting concerned about my advanced age and he'd always wanted to see the US. (It was kindly meant, I believe.)

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34

That hurts, LB. I'm naturalized.

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35

I tried to generalize from placenta and spleen and wound up with tissue mass. Tumor works, but as an exemplar not as essence. Here is what not to do:

Ribosome

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36

Well, you haven't seen my unfortunate appearance.

I still kind of regret the last name I could have had -- Mulitalo, which means "Taro Ass". Euphonious, no?

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37

Lizardbreath Mulitalo is a name for the ages. You could have been related to (or married to, for all I know) a professional athlete.

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38

LB, did you see this on the secrets blog?

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39

Standpipe. we were claiming body parts, after your crack about "epiglottis" in the other thread. You can't claim "essence of body part"; not unless you're a potion-making witch.

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40

His first name was Seevae -- in English, 'Shoe'. Not the guy you linked. But possibly a relative.

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41

That can't possibly be a picture of Roy Orbison, unless something really unsettling happened in the rest of the story.

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42

I am hopelessly confused. I thought:

1. RWE claimed eyeball (transparent).

2. Since epiglottis trumps eyeball for dangly, somebody must have beat RWE to the epiglottis (neon).

3. Placenta has nothing to do with anything other than there is a freak on the internet.

4. I didn't claim ribosome, it was a object lesson in not-a-body-part!

5. Potions???

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43

Ok, I just assumed that you were claiming a body part, and figured I should grab the spleen.

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44

dead 18th century authors

As opposed to those annoying living or zombie 18th century authors.

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45

But wasn't RWE trying to transcend body parts, rather than claim their essence?

Or something like that.

Tonsils.

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46

His name was "Shoe Taro Ass?"

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47

So I read 21 and then commented before reading 23 or 27. Which makes my comment an example of what it is was trying to criticize. Isn't irony ironic?

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48

Ok, I just assumed that you were claiming a body part, and figured I should grab the spleen.

Gently, gently!

No, since I had previously posted some quote about a placenta just after the post about consistency from the dead, non-living, non-zombie 19th century author, and it seemed that we were recapitulating the form of that conversation, I tacked on a pro forma placenta reference for completeness' sake.

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49

Remember, always read all the comments. There might be a fellowship someday!

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50

Got it, SB, I missed that. But I'm not giving up the spleen.

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51

Sadly, yes. Samoan names end up like that -- a lot of common nouns.

Great moments in conversations with Samoan cabdrivers:

Cabdriver: Do you know Angie, from Australia?

My friend Paula, an NZ volunteer: Certainly, she works with me.

Cabbie: She is,... what is the word, we say 'tomboy'? She likes girls?

Paula: Well, yes. The word we use is 'lesbian'.

Cabbie: 'Lesbian'?! What a beautiful word! I will name my daughter 'Lesbian'!

Names in Samoa were just peculiar.

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52

Before you fund that fellowship, you'll hire Apo as your court jester, right?

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53

What a beautiful word! I will name my daughter 'Lesbian'!

I'm going to end up liking these Samoans.

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54

you'll hire Apo as your court jester, right?

The apostropher jests at his pleasure, for hire to no man!

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55

Those "Sadly, No!" people are agressive, don't be surprised when they show up in the comment thread tomorrow claiming that LB should have given them credit for using a variant of "their" catch-phrase.

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56

I'm going to end up liking these Samoans.

Person on street: What a lovely child, what's her name?

Ogged: "Spongiform". It's a Samoan thing, you wouldn't understand.

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57

Those "Sadly, No!" people are agressive

If they come in good humor, we can all be friends.

Yes, that's a threat! We will crush them! Like raccoons!

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58

Remember, always read all the comments. There might be a fellowship someday!

Dude, it better had be well paid. Opportunity cost, ya know?

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59

Cabbie: 'Lesbian'?!

I wonder how long it had been since his last interrobang.

fellowship

The pot of gold at the end of the comments.

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60

I was a little too sleepy to respond to 26 last night - my original complaint, Ogged, was not so much about the fact that other people get marriage proposals and I don't, as that other people get marriage proposals and I get sex-related breaches of decorum. Two very different complaints, I would say. I don't want the tone of my needling to be misunderstood.

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61

SB, maybe that should be crock at the end of the comments

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62

I get sex-related breaches of decorum.

This blog has decorum? Why has no one told me about this?

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63

What people do in comments is their own business, but we might do well not to traffic so much in idle intimacy (marriage proposals &c). Um, but I guess that would leave us with just the penis jokes, so idle intimacy it is.

That is unless I've misjudged the situation, and all these recurring virtual pair-bonds are proposed in earnest. Is Unfogged reacting to rising short-term earnest rates?

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64

Worst comment ever. Sorry.

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65

Dead authors.

I wish my neighborhood had a butcher shop. That didn't suck ass.

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66

So has Labs actually been found out?

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67

Jesus Christ. I go away for 12 hours and you all decide to enact a moment from Theater of the Surreal.

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68

Can we get the facts straight here? I didn't actually propose marriage to Lizardbreath. I merely said to her, when she was feeling unloved, that I would propose if she weren't married.

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69

The question is, can one propose to someone who's married?

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70

Why not?

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71

that I would propose if she weren't married.

So, because she's married, you won't make an honest woman out of her? Ogged, you cad!

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72

WTF? Labs is found out? Where are you getting that, Wolfson?

Ogged, aren't you a little old (and anonymous) to be trying to play it cool?

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73

SCMT, I'm getting it here.

Ogged, for Austinian reasons?

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74

How do Austinian reasons apply to my conditional statement? Or are you guessing?

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75

Hmm, I paused over that part of Labs' comment, but figured there'd be more panic if he'd actually been found out.

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76

They don't apply to your conditional statement. What I said was "can one propose to someone who's married". Your conditional statement doesn't enter into it (directly).

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77

The point is not whether you actually proposed, it's that whatever you said was vaguely in the realm of the affectionate. And a little affection is the spoonful of sugar that helps the lack of decorum go down. (As it were.)

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78

I can't believe you just said that.

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79

Ah, ok Ben. But in that case, it doesn't seem much different from any contingent proposal: "will you marry me when we get back from Antarctica?" for example.

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80

I know. I can't either.

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81

Given my professional situation, it'd take a lot more than a counterfactual proposal to make an honest woman out of me.

Can we all drop the navel gazing and get back to the politics/cock-jokes?

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82

Why do we all love LB so so much?

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83

The proposal in 79, should it be "if we get back from Antarctica", to make it properly contingent? And "if we get back from Antarctica" and "if you weren't married" seem, to my ignorant way of thinking, to differ meaningfully in one's being counterfactual.

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84

I was thinking that one proposal amounts to "let's get married after you get divorced," and the other "let's get married after we return from Antarctica."

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85

Chopper,

Help me out here. They are getting all weird.

First off, I don't know how Texas (Austinian) got in here, but of course you can propose marriage to someone who is married.

Second, ac, I don't get you. You didn't seem to like online flirting, but then call it sugar?

Third, LB, enough about your appearance. I happen to know you have freckles and are gorgeous.

Fourth, I'm having a really crabby day, and I was forced to learn that there are three accent marks in French over the letter 'e', and the one I was forced to care about was the aigu accent, which slants up to the right.

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86

I gazed into my navel and found a cock joke. Please advise.

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87

Navel gazing, that's what the blonds do at the Mineshaft, right?

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88

I gazed into my navel and found a cock joke. Please advise.

Please return to rightful owner. Likely someone with very bad aim.

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89

Navel gazing

Is it naval gazing when they say 'Hey, sailor'?

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90

Please return to rightful owner.

The joke answers to "an fellatio". Is anybody missing one of these?

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91

Ogged, FL, Tripp...

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92

OK, which of them has the poorest aim?

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93

Tripp, points often get lost in the attempt to make a joke. I would explain what I mean, but it would just be deeply, deeply unfunny.

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94

ac,

Tripp, points often get lost in the attempt to make a joke. I would explain what I mean, but it would just be deeply, deeply unfunny.

Oh, it figures. I've been gone awhile and obviously missed some things. Sorry.

The good thing is that in order to get a clue I went to your blog and found out that you are, you know, female.

Which believe it or not I did not know.

Does 'ac' mean you are chilly?

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95

No, it does not.

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96

Does it mean your current alternates?

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97

No. It should really be "ace" but I just keep forgetting the "e".

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98

ace,

Do you have more than 5 kills?

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99

I'd want to know where she notches them

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100

Or does she talk to animals and out of her rear end?

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101

Chopper,

Help me out here. They are getting all weird.

Ummm. "Getting" all weird?

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102

I don't think this is the type of affection ac was after. Must keep everyone happy, so:

How's about: excepting that you are a lady that I've never met, and that I have romantic attachments, and that you seem also to have several, my guess is that you are foxxy, and anyway, have a style of writing that I enjoy.

At the mineshaft.

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103

text,

I'm also ready to compliment ac, too, but I really need to hear about the kills first.

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104

That is fair. What if she only has 3 kills?

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105

What if she only has 3 kills?

Then she'd be worth the chance.

Otherwise, well, I didn't live long enough to reproduce by being totally impetuous.

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106

I don't think this is the type of affection ac was after.

Not really after affection. Was originally after decorum. But seeing that that's hopeless, would prefer the lack of it with affection. That's all.

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107

ac has goopy liquid issues, and we love her for it!

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108

You know, reading through this really does give me pause to wonder how many personas here are adopted. Is your unfogged-skin the same as the skin you show to you significant others etc?

I get the feeling that ac is the only one here being honest and damn that can be lonely.

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109

ac, does it help if I point out that boys are mean to each other and to girls because we're too scared to be nice?

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110

shorter Austro: I lie because I am all alone. Please help.

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111

hey dont get me wrong: Adopted personas can be fun and are certainly neccessary. I m sure I have two or three all lying around within handy reach.

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112

ac,

Decorum?! Well bless your heart!

And Chopper, I for one am never mean to the girls. Nor to the women. Believe me, it does NOT pay off. Ever.

And personas? Well, duh. One truth about me is that I am an actor and blogs are the funnest place to act between gigs.

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113

Tripp is actually 19 years old.

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114

Tripp:

The proper method is to be mean to them, then to be nice to them, then to be mean to them, then to be nice again, until they don't know which way is up but suddenly you're the most fascinating person in the world. Pays off quite frequently.

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115

but you have to be an asshole.

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116

You know, reading through this really does give me pause to wonder how many personas here are adopted. Is your unfogged-skin the same as the skin you show to you significant others etc?

My unfogged-skin may not be the same as the skin I show to real-life people, significant others, etc, but they're all adopted.

I get them from the pound. Please spay or neuter your personas.

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117

All meant in jest. I've never done such a thing, except as a callow lad. I have, however, listened to the laments of many a woman friend over fellows who engage in this behavior.

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118

I meant not in jest, but not to call you an asshole either. It is true that what you describe "works" -- I have heard the same stories you have heard -- but the result is that you have to behave like an asshole, which isn't worth it.

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119

Ah, between this and the subtle comment on the other thread, I was beginning to think I'd stepped on a nerve. Good.

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120

ogged,

Tripp is actually 19 years old.

Pretty close. "Tripp" is the way I wish I was at 19.

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121

My prediction: Tripp will say that if he were 19, he would be out making whoopee, not commenting.

I solemnly swear that I have written this before seeing Tripp's next comment, and I will press post without editing anything just as soon as he responds to 113.

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122

Damn.

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123

no nerves of mine. And I know what it feels like to be an asshole from experience.

And in throwing stones re: subtlety, I seem to have broken my house.

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124

ac, will you marry me?

(Someone's got to be the gentleman.)

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125

Hey, I already suggested that she and I date, but that got me nowhere.

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126

You should at least write her a love letter.

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127

ergh, see 102. I am the invisible suitor.

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128

Text, did you intend 102 to be some kind of come-on?

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129

I thoiught we had established that ac has a thing about sticky fluids.

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130

You are unsuited.

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131

not a come-on, but I meant it in a gentlemanly fashion.

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132

125: Maybe I should go on a date with ac?

Très romantique.

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133

And, if a lady is complaining that no one is proposing to her, a gentleman proposes. Never mind whether she will inevitably reject him--a gentleman must bear that burden.

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134

Hey Weiner, I didn't link to that for a reason. God damned up-scrollers.

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135

Re: 133

Isn't this how Bertie Wooster used to get himself into trouble all the time?

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136

Weiner is the prevailing gentleman, except that a gentleman would not have pointed out what is pointed out in 133.

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137

Not the preux chevalier, what?

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138

Where was it that we were complaining about preciousness?

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139

I knew I could count on Matt to cheer me up. I have to say no, but you are lovely.

And Ogged, I was thinking that I'd been a bit quick to head off that line of banter, considering what it was replaced with.

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140

LB, the notion of Matt as Bertie Wooster is just too precious. The question now is, who shall we cast as Spode? Oh, and doesnt that also identify ac as the Basset?

Stuff to ponder on.

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141

With all the Wodehouse fun long over, I thought I'd note that the actual topic of this post got coverage from today's NYTimes. The article is oddly sensitive and sapient by style section standards.

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142

Yeah, I saw that w/d, and did think it was good, but this line bothered me:

The secret sharers here aren't mindless flashers but practiced strippers.

That seems almost nasty; an accusation of bad faith. I have the impression, from a lot of the cards anyway, that they represent a real cathartic moment for their creators.

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143

(Though some of the cards, particularly recently, seem fake.)

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144

Yeah, everything was fine until the last paragraph; at the same time, it's always seemed like an art project on some level to me, so I don't really mind even the false-seeming ones.

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145

And the flasher/stripper image just seems wrong. The anonymity of postsecret and similar sites allows people to detach what they consider most personal from their persons, something that is quite different from exposing one's body and all of its uniquely identifying marks for all to see.

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146

It's tough to come up with a metaphor which combines anonymity and exhibitionism. The "flasher/stripper" does accenuate one, but the compromise of "flasher/stripper with a bag on his or her head" seems a little forced.

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147

Perhaps some kind of close-up photography showing just enough to expose something - perhaps a body part, perhaps a wound or scar - but not enough to identify the person?

But then that would probably turn out to be as much of an art project as postsecret. And I'd hate to see people wounding themselves just to be included.

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