Funny thing about that song: a friend of mine is completely convinced that "...but I used a little too much force" describes the narrator beating up his woman, which strikes me as a totally unsupported reading.
No Ben, I concede no such thing. Not only is it a great song, capturing so much of the American experience, but everyone already knows the words, and I think it would rock if we all sang TUIB at major events. "...she bent down to the laces/of my shooooees."
I submit that our national anthem should be "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin," and furthermore that it would be even better if this had been the national anthem from 1970-1995, if you know what I mean.
Apologies for my perhaps inscrutable first comment.
Here's what puzzles me about TUIB, aside from how it could ever be an anthem (who needs anthems, anyhow? they all suck): what book of poems does she give him? La Vita Nuova?
I would go the other way with this and have baseball games in blue states start with a singing of the full set of lyrics. That way when people from red states come to visit, they would get confused and we could ridicule them for their lack of patriotism.
It's too long, by far, and it doesn't inspire you to go out and crush the enemy! Plus I don't know all the words. I find your assertion that "everyone" does entirely consistent with the brand of blue-state solipsism you practice so well. I understand the red army anthem is pretty effective.
I like the idea of quinivicenial anthem fights (NB: I believe I followed standard english word formation rules for "quinivicenial." The utter lack of google hits makes me nervous though), but in order for the song to have a particularly anthemic resonance with the populace, I believe any song, to even be considered, must be at least fifty years old.
Son House has a song about America! one of whose couplets involve "the red, white and blue / that represent you", but I can't remember anything else about it.
Dead Kennedys, California Uber Alles, either the Jerry Brown or Ronald Reagan versions.
Also, the Marseillaise isn't bad, is that taken?
And yes, I am the one and only AARP lobbyist. You'd be surprised how persuasive your elected representatives find someone in their early 20's explaining what the life experience and needs of the elderly is like
If you are going for a Cat Stevens song I would go with Father and Son . That way half the crowd could sing the father part and half the crowd could sing the son part. Which would be pretty funny.
If TUIB becomes the anthem I'm going to be that America-hating liberal.
Kriston, you know you're already there. I swear this is true: when drinking, I have witnessed Kriston and Susan spontaneously begin singing the soviet national anthem on multiple occasions.
Personally, I think that our scientifically optimal anthem probably does not yet exist, but that sending Andrew WK a list of words that rhyme with "America" would be an excellent start.
ogged: Not only doesn't everybody remember the words to TUIB, I've witnessed Dylan mess them up in concert ... on two separate occasions. Skipped one verse and sang another twice; maybe that's just how he performs it now. Plus there're different recorded versions.
I'd vote for ... Leonard Cohen's Democracy, but it's not very singable ... or positive.
Your implicit assumptions: 1) I like the song 2) the song has to be good to be the National Anthem are both false. Well, actually, I do kind of like the song, in a campy way.
Oh, I like Cat Stevens fine. Like I said, I haven't got any particular musical taste that I'll defend. I just believed that Cat Stevens was recognized as objectively sucking, and sucking particularly in an earnest way.
50 -- we solved the numerous paradoxes set off by ogged's hatred of earnestness in music by demonstrating that ogged was not actually using the word "earnest," as the rest of us often use, but instead a different word, that also sounds like "earnest" and is spelled the same way, but has a different meaning.
The national anthem should be the them to Mr. Belvedere. And it will be, soon.
Mr. Gazebo was Belvedere's sworn enemy; he looked exactly the same but that he lacked a moustache, and he conspired with Weasley each episode to get Mssr. Belvedere's goat.
I am back, but in limited fashion for some time. I actually have to work during the day now, at least until I lull all my new coworkers into thinking that I'm productive and on the ball.
I've always thought our national anthem should be Aerosmith's "Amazing", with all instances of the word "Amazing" changed to "America". Hopefully that would inspire at least 10 million people to move to Canada.
On the other hand, "Atomic Dog" would be an awesome choice. It might single-handedly revive baseball in the inner cities.
It has always been my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is *not* their national anthem.
Posted by V. Botkin | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:43 PM
Even if you think TUIB is a good song, you have to concede it would make a shitty anthem.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:43 PM
Funny thing about that song: a friend of mine is completely convinced that "...but I used a little too much force" describes the narrator beating up his woman, which strikes me as a totally unsupported reading.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:45 PM
No Ben, I concede no such thing. Not only is it a great song, capturing so much of the American experience, but everyone already knows the words, and I think it would rock if we all sang TUIB at major events. "...she bent down to the laces/of my shooooees."
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:47 PM
a friend of mine is completely convinced that "...but I used a little too much force" describes the narrator beating up his woman
That's wrong, you need new friends.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:48 PM
I submit that our national anthem should be "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin," and furthermore that it would be even better if this had been the national anthem from 1970-1995, if you know what I mean.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:50 PM
I don't think SSB was meant to be sung in the first place.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:51 PM
No, he's a great guy, but he gets these weird ideas sometimes and it's impossible to talk him out of them. In person it can be charming, really.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:51 PM
I'm sorry Labs, but he's already slated for elimination. Don't get all sentimental on me, ok?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:52 PM
Apologies for my perhaps inscrutable first comment.
Here's what puzzles me about TUIB, aside from how it could ever be an anthem (who needs anthems, anyhow? they all suck): what book of poems does she give him? La Vita Nuova?
Posted by V. Botkin | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:54 PM
I would go the other way with this and have baseball games in blue states start with a singing of the full set of lyrics. That way when people from red states come to visit, they would get confused and we could ridicule them for their lack of patriotism.
Posted by Joe O | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:59 PM
It's too long, by far, and it doesn't inspire you to go out and crush the enemy! Plus I don't know all the words. I find your assertion that "everyone" does entirely consistent with the brand of blue-state solipsism you practice so well. I understand the red army anthem is pretty effective.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 2:59 PM
I like the idea of quinivicenial anthem fights (NB: I believe I followed standard english word formation rules for "quinivicenial." The utter lack of google hits makes me nervous though), but in order for the song to have a particularly anthemic resonance with the populace, I believe any song, to even be considered, must be at least fifty years old.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:02 PM
What are you, the AARP lobbyist? We want the youth to sing these songs. You know, TUIB might be too old.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:07 PM
Nomination: We Sell Everything
I don't know if Rosselson is disqualified because he's British.
Posted by NickS | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:10 PM
Great. Bond with the youth cohort over Bob Dylan. Even my pedagogical strainings toward hipness don't get this bad.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:11 PM
This is you getting sentimental isn't it? I said it might be too old.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:13 PM
Son House has a song about America! one of whose couplets involve "the red, white and blue / that represent you", but I can't remember anything else about it.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:14 PM
Not just Dylan, but one of the adult-contemporariest of Dylan's songs (IMSE).
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:17 PM
[redacted]
Posted by [redacted] | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:17 PM
I mean, these lines:
And handed it to me
Written by an Italian poet
From the thirteenth century.
And every one of them words rang true
And glowed like burnin' coal
Pourin' off of every page
Like it was written in my soul from me to you,
Tangled up in blue.Barf. Belongs on a Lifetime special.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:18 PM
Wolfson, we can totally tag-team him.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:19 PM
Dead Kennedys, California Uber Alles, either the Jerry Brown or Ronald Reagan versions.
Also, the Marseillaise isn't bad, is that taken?
And yes, I am the one and only AARP lobbyist. You'd be surprised how persuasive your elected representatives find someone in their early 20's explaining what the life experience and needs of the elderly is like
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:20 PM
I noticed you're gay, FL.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:20 PM
Even better, something contemporary and with an apocalyptic edge: Revolution.
I'm not sure it could ever be accepted as an anthem but it certainly was written as an anthem of sorts.
Think about entire stadiums of people concluding a thundering rendition with the final verse:
"And though you may choke me and shoot me
And hang me your toil is in vain
No dungeon, no gallows can scare me
Nor will I be frightened by pain
Each time I'll arise from the earth
And break through all your weapons of doom
Until you are finished forever
Until you are dust in the tomb"
Posted by NickS | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:20 PM
"I saw you commenting on that blog &..."
"I saw you tag-team Ogged &..."
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:21 PM
If TUIB becomes the anthem I'm going to be that America-hating liberal. What about the USA strikes you as nasally, Ogged?
Not an anthem nomination, but related America-bashing music: The Decemberists' "Sixteen Military Wives."
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:23 PM
Too bad the lyrics for Henry Cow's "Living in the Heart of the Beast" aren't online.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:24 PM
If their output afterwards thus far is any indication, the Decemberists should have called it quits after The Tain.
John Emerson's son played bass on their second album, you know.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:26 PM
Atomic Dog! because I want to hear vast stadiums chanting "bow-wow-wow-yippee-oh-yippee-yay"!
Posted by mmcc | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:28 PM
I noticed you're gay, FL.
This will teach you to try to ally with Wolfson.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:28 PM
The Anal Cunt song is good, but we need an "in a good way" line to wrap it all up.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:30 PM
If you are going for a Cat Stevens song I would go with Father and Son . That way half the crowd could sing the father part and half the crowd could sing the son part. Which would be pretty funny.
Posted by Joe O | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:30 PM
Two more Dick Gaughan songs for consideration:
Your Daughters and Your Sons ( Words & Music : Tommy Sands )
Worker's Song
( Words & Music: Ed Pickford )
I mean, really, if we're going to pick an anthem why go halfway.
Posted by NickS | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:31 PM
Just what we need, a Commie song. Look at the post title, people!
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:32 PM
Are you trying to say the revolution is unamerican? On the week of July 4th?
Posted by NickS | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:33 PM
Well, it's no "Living in the Heart of the Beast", but this can be my submission for now.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:34 PM
Yeah, I've learned my lesson. Now the only thing standing in the way of my endorsement of your proposal is my commitment to anti-semitism.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:35 PM
Probably too old, but we could Send the Marines.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:37 PM
3. "Louie Louie" - so it won't ever matter if you forget the words.
2. "Not for the Innocent" - after IraqWarII, it's only natural.
1. "Fuck You Up"
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:39 PM
[redacted]
Posted by [redacted] | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:40 PM
If TUIB becomes the anthem I'm going to be that America-hating liberal.
Kriston, you know you're already there. I swear this is true: when drinking, I have witnessed Kriston and Susan spontaneously begin singing the soviet national anthem on multiple occasions.
Personally, I think that our scientifically optimal anthem probably does not yet exist, but that sending Andrew WK a list of words that rhyme with "America" would be an excellent start.
Posted by tom | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:47 PM
I didn't want to say it, but it's true: I wish they all could be the Soviet anthem.
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 3:49 PM
How about Sixteen Tons?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 4:05 PM
"TV Party" by Black Flag, "I Wanna Conquer the World" by Bad Religion, or "The Ballad of Jimi Hendrixx" by Stormtroopers of Death.
No others need apply. Thank you, come again.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 4:11 PM
No, wait, this is it:
Last Great American Whale.
A national anthem that recognizes that "you can't always trust your mother" is what this country needs.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 4:24 PM
ogged: Not only doesn't everybody remember the words to TUIB, I've witnessed Dylan mess them up in concert ... on two separate occasions. Skipped one verse and sang another twice; maybe that's just how he performs it now. Plus there're different recorded versions.
I'd vote for ... Leonard Cohen's Democracy, but it's not very singable ... or positive.
Posted by JSM | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 4:48 PM
Aw, LizardBreath beat me to the Lou Reed by one comment.
Runner-up.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 4:48 PM
JSM, expand your mind: that's exactly why everyone knows the words.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 4:50 PM
You know, we've already established that pop music=not my thing, so I really shouldn't comment on this. But:
(1) Earnestness is bad and
(2) A Cat Stevens song is a runner-up for national anthem so does that mean that
(3) Cat Stevens isn't earnest?
Surely that can't be right.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 5:21 PM
earnest earnest earnest earnest ear nest ear nest nearest ear nest nearest far fat nose nest AIEEEEE
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 5:25 PM
Your implicit assumptions: 1) I like the song 2) the song has to be good to be the National Anthem are both false. Well, actually, I do kind of like the song, in a campy way.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 5:25 PM
Oh, I like Cat Stevens fine. Like I said, I haven't got any particular musical taste that I'll defend. I just believed that Cat Stevens was recognized as objectively sucking, and sucking particularly in an earnest way.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 5:57 PM
How do you feel about Cecil Taylor, LB? Matt Weiner wanted me to ask you for him—the poor dear's too bashful to do it himself.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:05 PM
50 -- we solved the numerous paradoxes set off by ogged's hatred of earnestness in music by demonstrating that ogged was not actually using the word "earnest," as the rest of us often use, but instead a different word, that also sounds like "earnest" and is spelled the same way, but has a different meaning.
The national anthem should be the them to Mr. Belvedere. And it will be, soon.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:29 PM
that is the theme, although "Them Mr. Belvedere" would be a good name for a band.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:30 PM
Cecil Taylor
I suppose I should know who this is. I guess I could google.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:32 PM
I wonder if, in addition to a Mr Belvedere, there were ever Mssrs Gazebo, Balcony, or Cupola.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:36 PM
Mme Folly?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:37 PM
Mr. Gazebo was Belvedere's sworn enemy; he looked exactly the same but that he lacked a moustache, and he conspired with Weasley each episode to get Mssr. Belvedere's goat.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:48 PM
that's Wesley of course.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:48 PM
what fine televised entertainment we had, back in the day. What if Bob Uecker had a family? And what if that family had a butler? -- genius!
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:50 PM
Goat's pretty good.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 6:50 PM
Curried, at least.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 7:06 PM
You know, looking over these nominations, I have to ask: do liberals hate America?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 7:08 PM
Uh, that last comment would make even more sense if Michael had posted his last comment here.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 7:10 PM
What's so America-hating about "Sixteen Tons"? Solidarity with the working man! How about a song about John Henry?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 7:10 PM
Mr. Belvedere was a Brit, wasn't he? Very well, I hate America.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 7:20 PM
Well, Ben, I think all evidence to date (see, e.g., Tivo) indicates that ogged hates the lumpenproletariat.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 7:21 PM
I'm not sure he hates the lumpenproletariat, or even its vanguard, though he might resent the fact that he can't get any of it.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 7:23 PM
I don't hate America, I just hate all the people there. Of course, I also hate all of the people everyplace else.
What, did you think I met you? No, no. I make an exception for you. You're special.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 8:25 PM
meant
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 8:37 PM
Chops is back! His hatred balances out the war of cosmic forces!
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 8:45 PM
I am back, but in limited fashion for some time. I actually have to work during the day now, at least until I lull all my new coworkers into thinking that I'm productive and on the ball.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 8:47 PM
to counterbalance the socialist anthems we could have Tupac Shakur's "Fuck 'em All"--the ultimate hymn to rugged individualism:
Fuck 'em all!
Let 'em die!
That's my slogan.
Fuck 'em all!
or a Bjork song, and then everyone could kind of mumble along.
Posted by Anonymous | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 9:15 PM
Political Science, Randy Newman.
And no, of course (American) liberals don't hate America. Love the sinner, hate the sin.
Posted by JSM | Link to this comment | 06-28-05 10:22 PM
Sleater Kinney's You're no rock and roll fun is a great song. But probably not anthem ish.
I think Old Man River kind of fits us right now.
Posted by benton | Link to this comment | 06-29-05 7:38 AM
And of course there is my own personal anthem - Bring Tha Noize. (With or without Anthrax)
Posted by benton | Link to this comment | 06-29-05 7:40 AM
WOLFSON!!!!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 06-29-05 10:29 AM
Er.
What?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-29-05 10:39 AM
"Goat's pretty good."
"Curried, at least."
I prefer mine lubricated.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-29-05 10:40 AM
79 to 54.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 06-29-05 10:46 AM
Oh.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-29-05 10:48 AM
I've always thought our national anthem should be Aerosmith's "Amazing", with all instances of the word "Amazing" changed to "America". Hopefully that would inspire at least 10 million people to move to Canada.
On the other hand, "Atomic Dog" would be an awesome choice. It might single-handedly revive baseball in the inner cities.
Posted by Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 06-29-05 2:20 PM