Didn't you know, anything that protrudes more than an inch from your torso belongs to the state. Wombs are covered under the doctrine of "statutory protrusion".
She has a point. Seriously, security pat-downs go under the category "letting the terrorists win." On the slim chance that a terrorist is on the plane from Baton Rouge to Memphis, we give up part of our human dignity. It's not right.
I'd propose a policy of reciprocal pat downs (anything they touch you can touch) along with passengers getting the choice of which gender their TSA worker is, but have you seen some of the people TSA hires?
I got it bad once in the Soux Falls, South Dakota airport, the day after Thune (and Bush) won the election. Apparently it looked like there was an explosive device inside my nipple. I was already pretty pissy, so I mouthed off, and came very close to being escorted to the interrogation room.
There is no correlation at all between actual danger and the use of these searches -- they are easily abused, and make us all worse citizens for abiding them.
Israeli security once held my plane for an hour while they searched my bag. The friend I was visiting had a roommate I'd barely met whose name I couldn't remember. When they asked for details about him and I couldn't provide any, they took me out of the line and searched my bag as thoroughly as any bag has ever been searched, even cutting into the lining.
My bag was extensively searched in Brussels a couple of years ago; they actually took all the items out, put them on trays, and ran them through the x-ray machine. The funny thing was that there was no time for me to be searched at check-in and still be able to check my bag. So they had me take all my luggage to the gate where I'd then be searched.
The problem with that was that I'd put my Swiss Army Knife in the bag to be checked, so of course it came up on the machines at the entrance to the gates. This resulted in a heated exchange between the person escorting me to be searched and the person running the machine. End result: my bag and my knife got through.
During the search I took the route of excessive politeness. I pointed it out when they forgot to open up certain pockets. I explained to them how to work the child-proof lid on my Tylenol bottle (they seemed puzzled by the directions). Towards the end they gave up and stopped trying to be thorough.
I said something like "get a lot of terrorists in your big, powerful city?"
the reason for the search was that, because I was wearing rubber-soled shoes, I hadn't taken my shoes off.
After I uttered such, one of the officers told me we had things to discuss in private, but the other one, luckily, told me to shut up and go catch my flight.
In retrospect, not smart. But there was no reason to fondle my chest. I don't wear a braziere.
Long before 9/11 I traveled from Minneapolis, MN to Moscow, Russia. This involved changing planes in New York and Bratislava. In the fanny pack (I told you it was a long time ago) I carried on, I had forgotten a small (3" blade) lock-blade pocket knife. It went unoticed in Minneapolis, and New York. Going to the plane in Bratislava, the nice Slovak security guy found it and said I couldn't take it on the plane. I told him he could have it as I really didn't need it. No, no, no. He put it in a rather large padded envelope and checked it through to Moscow, where, upon arrival, it appeared on the luggage turnstile.
I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I thought I'd share.
I know multiple people (including me) who have had key chain (the smallest kind possible) swiss army knives confiscated because we forgot to remove them from their key chains before flying. I maintain that I could do as much damage with a pen, and not in the mightier than the sword sense.
The problem with that was that I'd put my Swiss Army Knife in the bag to be checked, so of course it came up on the machines at the entrance to the gates
Something similar once happened to me, except instead of a swiss army knife, it was a sword.
I don' know, text; the real difficulty of effecting change through a social movement here seems relevent. First, an awful lot of people fly, and not all of them are upset about the searches. Many certainly desire them. Second, those who are upset by the searches, many have to fly for work. Risking one's job is a lot to ask, especially in regards to a resistence movement which seems liable to be ineffective.
Though I suppose I'm thinking of a boycott. I suppose a movement to persuade voters and legislators to prohibit such searches is conceivable, but there might be a problem insofar as though the searches are bad, they aren't bad enough to demand massive amounts of people's time and effort.
A few times a year I fly back to Ireland. With the exchange rate recently, there are a lot of Irish shoppers in NYC on brief trips. I'm used to flying within the states for work and everybody with their "yes sir" "no ma'am" and even "thank you" at the TSA. So nothing gladdens the heart more than seeing the chaos, mouthing off, disorganisation, conferring and confusion when groups of Irish women have to go through security. They hate it, and don't bother to hide it at all. Seriously hilarious.
I don't know -- there's something about succombing to the small indignities and infringements that might conditioning us to drudge along through greater injustices, ignoring them, because that's what we do. I am thinking here of the movie Brazil. They grind away your resistence through the little deprivations, then you no longer care. Is there a connection between airport security and the greater issues -- Gitmo?
Sometimes I think there is. Then again, I hate red tape more than most -- it is soul crushing.
I remember, well pre-9/11, back when terrorism was something that only Israel had to deal with (obviously post-IRA era as well). In hebrew school (yes, hebrew school), our teacher was talking about how airline security in the US was such a joke. El Al (previously the world's most hijacked major airline?) was the bastion of security. If you couldn't answer a question about your time in Israel, who you were with, etc., they'd take you in a back room and break your kneecaps. I kid. But they'd take you aside, search everything, and question you. Kind of like Meet the Parents style, only they were deadly serious. That story always intrigued me. I have yet to experience security that serious.
Text, I get what you're saying about one infraction leading to another, but I suppose when it comes down to it, I'm willing to put up with security in exchange for short trip times, therefore I won't boycott, so I'm at a loss.
I think one of my real problems with it is the inhumanity, which doesn't have to be there. Most of my interactions with security have been fine. Some didn't bother me at all, there was an air of, "sorry we have to do this, let's just get it done and you'll be on your way."
But it's when they start taking your fucking tweezers that you begin to wonder if all sanity has left this world. More galling, all those unreasonable limits on items were effected, IIRC, at a time when they thought the terrorists used box cutters, which, also IIRC, is now known to be false. (Also, summer '02, when security was really tight, I flew internationally with a box cutter in my carry-on. I wasn't actually aware of it till I landed, but all those searches I went through (at least three) never found it.) So if the security were just to become more reasonable, I think I could tolerate. Also, that fucking rule about no jokes has to go. What, wise crackers are more likely to be terrorists? All it does is make people nervous.
Shortly after 9-11, I flew to my grandmother's funeral, and got pulled out for my bag to get the complete search. It was one of those garment bags with a lot of different zippered compartments, and they dumped everything out and unfolded all of my clothes. They missed a compartment though, and not a small or obscure one -- it had a pair of shoes in it, so it was bulky. I don't have a lot of faith that there's much practical point to the kind of searching that happens in airports.
Flying back from Hawaii it is fun to watch the rich and pampered deal with security. You just know they have been spoiled and coddled for a week or so and having us commoners boss them around is really tough. Wah Wah.
A month or so after 9/11 I was coming back from Toronto, entering the US. I'd been in Toronto about about a week and had not done any laundry. I used the hotel wet-swimsuit bag to store my, ahem, dirty, ahem, grundies.
Sure enough I got the complete search and watched the lady open my suitcase and then open the plastic bag of underalls and start digging around and then realize what she was prospecting in. She closed the grundy bag and completed her search of it by squeezing it from the outside only.
Mass civil disobedience won't happen; but what might happen is the American equivalent: people get annoyed with it, become less likely to fly, and when the airlines find this out through customer surveys they start lobbying to get the searches relaxed.
Of course the airlines also lobby to avoid actual useful safety measures, but civil disobedience is also a bit of a blunt instrument.
It's my PFR nickname from college--for a while I had a flat top, handlebar moustache and motorcycle jacket (as noted elsewhere, sorry ladies, I'm taken). I like it better than my other college nick, so decided to use it as a blog handle. Sorry if that's boring.
I'm convinced that you recently left a comment to which 32 would have been a much more apposite response if I'd thought of it in time--something about the maneuver you'll be introduced to if you try the Shocker--but I'm damned if I can find it.
Further research demonstrates that the most common use for this three letter acronym is for Pray for Rain, a christian alt-rock band. Given my writings here, wouldn't that be something?
Matt--I think I recall the comment of which you speak. Someone called the Shocker a "common sexual maneuver" and I suggested perhaps it wasn't as common as the writer thought.
That sounds like me, yes. Have I told you about my favorite band? They're called Pray for Rain, and I just feel the power of the Lord moving in their music, y'know? When I testify about my faith to the heathen and pagan and Catholic I meet, I find that using their music really helps set the stage.
Didn't you know, anything that protrudes more than an inch from your torso belongs to the state. Wombs are covered under the doctrine of "statutory protrusion".
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:09 PM
I bet you could sell the video of this.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:09 PM
`How would you like it if I did that to you?'
She has a point. Seriously, security pat-downs go under the category "letting the terrorists win." On the slim chance that a terrorist is on the plane from Baton Rouge to Memphis, we give up part of our human dignity. It's not right.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:17 PM
I'd propose a policy of reciprocal pat downs (anything they touch you can touch) along with passengers getting the choice of which gender their TSA worker is, but have you seen some of the people TSA hires?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:24 PM
On the slim chance that a terrorist is on the plane from Baton Rouge to Memphis, we give up part of our human dignity.
The chance that the person being search is pretty small, whether the flight goes to Memphis on NYC.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:47 PM
Err..."being searched is a terrorist."
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:48 PM
I got it bad once in the Soux Falls, South Dakota airport, the day after Thune (and Bush) won the election. Apparently it looked like there was an explosive device inside my nipple. I was already pretty pissy, so I mouthed off, and came very close to being escorted to the interrogation room.
There is no correlation at all between actual danger and the use of these searches -- they are easily abused, and make us all worse citizens for abiding them.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:59 PM
Israeli security once held my plane for an hour while they searched my bag. The friend I was visiting had a roommate I'd barely met whose name I couldn't remember. When they asked for details about him and I couldn't provide any, they took me out of the line and searched my bag as thoroughly as any bag has ever been searched, even cutting into the lining.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 4:11 PM
My bag was extensively searched in Brussels a couple of years ago; they actually took all the items out, put them on trays, and ran them through the x-ray machine. The funny thing was that there was no time for me to be searched at check-in and still be able to check my bag. So they had me take all my luggage to the gate where I'd then be searched.
The problem with that was that I'd put my Swiss Army Knife in the bag to be checked, so of course it came up on the machines at the entrance to the gates. This resulted in a heated exchange between the person escorting me to be searched and the person running the machine. End result: my bag and my knife got through.
During the search I took the route of excessive politeness. I pointed it out when they forgot to open up certain pockets. I explained to them how to work the child-proof lid on my Tylenol bottle (they seemed puzzled by the directions). Towards the end they gave up and stopped trying to be thorough.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 4:13 PM
I stood back and took Anthropological Interest, which annoyed them no end.
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 4:22 PM
I said something like "get a lot of terrorists in your big, powerful city?"
the reason for the search was that, because I was wearing rubber-soled shoes, I hadn't taken my shoes off.
After I uttered such, one of the officers told me we had things to discuss in private, but the other one, luckily, told me to shut up and go catch my flight.
In retrospect, not smart. But there was no reason to fondle my chest. I don't wear a braziere.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 4:32 PM
Long before 9/11 I traveled from Minneapolis, MN to Moscow, Russia. This involved changing planes in New York and Bratislava. In the fanny pack (I told you it was a long time ago) I carried on, I had forgotten a small (3" blade) lock-blade pocket knife. It went unoticed in Minneapolis, and New York. Going to the plane in Bratislava, the nice Slovak security guy found it and said I couldn't take it on the plane. I told him he could have it as I really didn't need it. No, no, no. He put it in a rather large padded envelope and checked it through to Moscow, where, upon arrival, it appeared on the luggage turnstile.
I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I thought I'd share.
Posted by hank | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 4:38 PM
I know multiple people (including me) who have had key chain (the smallest kind possible) swiss army knives confiscated because we forgot to remove them from their key chains before flying. I maintain that I could do as much damage with a pen, and not in the mightier than the sword sense.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 4:45 PM
The problem with that was that I'd put my Swiss Army Knife in the bag to be checked, so of course it came up on the machines at the entrance to the gates
Something similar once happened to me, except instead of a swiss army knife, it was a sword.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 5:00 PM
A sword, or a shaggy dog, Ben?
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 5:03 PM
A sword. I was arrested and nearly charged with a felony.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 5:09 PM
It's happened to better men.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 5:19 PM
I agree that widespread civil disobedience is necessary in the face of these searches. However, such a thing is inconceivable in America.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 6:31 PM
then we all deserve to get felt up.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 7:33 PM
I don' know, text; the real difficulty of effecting change through a social movement here seems relevent. First, an awful lot of people fly, and not all of them are upset about the searches. Many certainly desire them. Second, those who are upset by the searches, many have to fly for work. Risking one's job is a lot to ask, especially in regards to a resistence movement which seems liable to be ineffective.
Though I suppose I'm thinking of a boycott. I suppose a movement to persuade voters and legislators to prohibit such searches is conceivable, but there might be a problem insofar as though the searches are bad, they aren't bad enough to demand massive amounts of people's time and effort.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 7:52 PM
A few times a year I fly back to Ireland. With the exchange rate recently, there are a lot of Irish shoppers in NYC on brief trips. I'm used to flying within the states for work and everybody with their "yes sir" "no ma'am" and even "thank you" at the TSA. So nothing gladdens the heart more than seeing the chaos, mouthing off, disorganisation, conferring and confusion when groups of Irish women have to go through security. They hate it, and don't bother to hide it at all. Seriously hilarious.
Posted by billyfrombelfast | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 8:03 PM
I don't know -- there's something about succombing to the small indignities and infringements that might conditioning us to drudge along through greater injustices, ignoring them, because that's what we do. I am thinking here of the movie Brazil. They grind away your resistence through the little deprivations, then you no longer care. Is there a connection between airport security and the greater issues -- Gitmo?
Sometimes I think there is. Then again, I hate red tape more than most -- it is soul crushing.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 8:15 PM
as you can tell I am not much cut out to be a lawyer.
And I mean the hatred of red tape -- not just the horrendous typos and fucking of oboes.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 8:22 PM
I remember, well pre-9/11, back when terrorism was something that only Israel had to deal with (obviously post-IRA era as well). In hebrew school (yes, hebrew school), our teacher was talking about how airline security in the US was such a joke. El Al (previously the world's most hijacked major airline?) was the bastion of security. If you couldn't answer a question about your time in Israel, who you were with, etc., they'd take you in a back room and break your kneecaps. I kid. But they'd take you aside, search everything, and question you. Kind of like Meet the Parents style, only they were deadly serious. That story always intrigued me. I have yet to experience security that serious.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 9:31 PM
Text, I get what you're saying about one infraction leading to another, but I suppose when it comes down to it, I'm willing to put up with security in exchange for short trip times, therefore I won't boycott, so I'm at a loss.
I think one of my real problems with it is the inhumanity, which doesn't have to be there. Most of my interactions with security have been fine. Some didn't bother me at all, there was an air of, "sorry we have to do this, let's just get it done and you'll be on your way."
But it's when they start taking your fucking tweezers that you begin to wonder if all sanity has left this world. More galling, all those unreasonable limits on items were effected, IIRC, at a time when they thought the terrorists used box cutters, which, also IIRC, is now known to be false. (Also, summer '02, when security was really tight, I flew internationally with a box cutter in my carry-on. I wasn't actually aware of it till I landed, but all those searches I went through (at least three) never found it.) So if the security were just to become more reasonable, I think I could tolerate. Also, that fucking rule about no jokes has to go. What, wise crackers are more likely to be terrorists? All it does is make people nervous.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 10:24 PM
Shortly after 9-11, I flew to my grandmother's funeral, and got pulled out for my bag to get the complete search. It was one of those garment bags with a lot of different zippered compartments, and they dumped everything out and unfolded all of my clothes. They missed a compartment though, and not a small or obscure one -- it had a pair of shoes in it, so it was bulky. I don't have a lot of faith that there's much practical point to the kind of searching that happens in airports.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 7:15 AM
Flying back from Hawaii it is fun to watch the rich and pampered deal with security. You just know they have been spoiled and coddled for a week or so and having us commoners boss them around is really tough. Wah Wah.
A month or so after 9/11 I was coming back from Toronto, entering the US. I'd been in Toronto about about a week and had not done any laundry. I used the hotel wet-swimsuit bag to store my, ahem, dirty, ahem, grundies.
Sure enough I got the complete search and watched the lady open my suitcase and then open the plastic bag of underalls and start digging around and then realize what she was prospecting in. She closed the grundy bag and completed her search of it by squeezing it from the outside only.
I suppose there are worse jobs to have.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 8:52 AM
Michael,
But it's when they start taking your fucking tweezers that you begin to wonder if all sanity has left this world.
You have got to be kidding me.
I can't believe it.
They make tweezers for that? How are they used, exactly?
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 8:55 AM
I enjoy the term "grundies."
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 9:16 AM
Mass civil disobedience won't happen; but what might happen is the American equivalent: people get annoyed with it, become less likely to fly, and when the airlines find this out through customer surveys they start lobbying to get the searches relaxed.
Of course the airlines also lobby to avoid actual useful safety measures, but civil disobedience is also a bit of a blunt instrument.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 10:38 AM
Tripp--
They come in all sizes--mine are more like a quick grip clamp. They're useful for heavy lifting.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 10:38 AM
You know, we never did find out why they call you "Chopper."
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 10:42 AM
It's my PFR nickname from college--for a while I had a flat top, handlebar moustache and motorcycle jacket (as noted elsewhere, sorry ladies, I'm taken). I like it better than my other college nick, so decided to use it as a blog handle. Sorry if that's boring.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:23 AM
PFR?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:29 AM
PUNK FUCKING RAWK
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:35 AM
Sorry, all caps are required when using the full phrase.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:36 AM
I'm convinced that you recently left a comment to which 32 would have been a much more apposite response if I'd thought of it in time--something about the maneuver you'll be introduced to if you try the Shocker--but I'm damned if I can find it.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:40 AM
Further research demonstrates that the most common use for this three letter acronym is for Pray for Rain, a christian alt-rock band. Given my writings here, wouldn't that be something?
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:41 AM
Matt--I think I recall the comment of which you speak. Someone called the Shocker a "common sexual maneuver" and I suggested perhaps it wasn't as common as the writer thought.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:45 AM
As I recall your comment involved getting one's cock bitten.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:47 AM
That sounds like me, yes. Have I told you about my favorite band? They're called Pray for Rain, and I just feel the power of the Lord moving in their music, y'know? When I testify about my faith to the heathen and pagan and Catholic I meet, I find that using their music really helps set the stage.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:50 AM
I am become Chopper, destroyer of threads.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 2:44 PM
Time of death, 2:44 PM. Tag it and bag it.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 3:27 PM