Game Show Announcer: Guard number one is a senior on Klahn's mountain, and aspires to be a research chemist. Welcome, please, Hung Well! Guard number two is a real skating buff. A warm welcome for Long Wang! Traveling comes naturally to guard number three, as he's a licensed airplane pilot. Welcome, please, Enormous Genitals!
"Enormous Genitals" probably doesn't have this problem.
Here in anglo-world the best we can come up with is something like (true story) Collin Koch, which is not all that good, even when pronounced (as my friend did) as Colon Cock.
My husband claims to have gone to high school with a fellow student named Michael Hunt, who went by the obvious nickname. While I can't personally testify to the truth of that, I can say, because I've met him, that the father of his best friend from that period is a gynecologist named Dr. Seymour Weiner.
Awesome. One of the guys on the basketball team in high school had a very porn-starrish last name, and he also had an enormous penis. What are the odds?
While humorous "Harry Longfellow," "Mike Hunt," and "Seymore Weiner" just don't have the cache of "Well Hung." Even Big Dick Hertz is not likely to score more because of his name.
I did go to school with a Mike Hunt (and a Happy Hussey), though that doesn't really compare to the woman a few cubes down who went to high school with--I kid you not--Spanky Johnson.
My mother is acquainted with a woman named Beverly O'Shea, now in her sixties, who goes by the nickname 'Beaver'. She has prominent front teeth, and apparently no understanding of why people have coughing fits when she introduces herself.
Adversely, if a woman straps on a dildo and you're dressed like a woman and you're suckin' her cock and she's sayin' "You like it, don't you, you like sucking my dick, you little fucking faggot" and she rolls you over and fucks you in the ass and says "you love it, you little pussy boy, you love getting fucked in the ass, I bet you wish I was a man, I bet you wish this was a cock, you fucking faggot" and you're getting off on this like you've never gotten off before . . .
that's still straight.
But then, when you go off to the bar, and you discuss this, or any other sexual experience with any other guys, that's gay.
Heck, if you're going after senators, what about Rick Santorum. He's a big homophobe, but his last name is a word for an anal sex byproduct! How funny is that?
Far and away the longest serial topic of discussion among my grad school drinking buddies was that of the Double Phallic, or guys with two penilely inspired names. I've absolutely forgotten everybody that came up except Peter O'Toole and Roddy McDowell.
I went to high school with a guy whose last name was Doucheman. I imagine he's still in therapy after all these years.
Also, Hung Far Low isn't closing, but is moving to 82nd Ave. It might as well be closing, though, as it certainly won't be the same. Another Portland institution bites the dust.
I don't think that dimness, mustiness, and timeless stagnation travel well.
My ex-wife's ex-husband has gone there several times a week for at least 40 years. Say hi to him. My son and his friends go there occasionally, but my son very properly ignores the guy.
I used to know a very sharp Turkish PhD whose maiden name was Kunt. I usually oppose marriage, but I feel that in this case there was a valid reason. Her brother changed his name to Koont.
I like the extraneous "very sharp Turkish PhD" part, but if my name were Kunt, and I were inclined to change it, I don't think Koont would be my first choice.
In England that surname, which Americans find thoroughly vile, is used in quite an affectionate slang sense among men. Upthread links are left as an exercise for the reader.
has the official bloggin goodness from the floor, tho I'm not sure how much they've been cleared to write since they got into the money (the last 560 players). lots of pics, insight, and some podcasts.
God, those poor suckers. I feel sorry for them.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:08 AM
James Butt is in the money too.
Posted by Joe O | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:13 AM
"Enormous Genitals" probably doesn't have this problem.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:21 AM
Derek Dix is also still in.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:31 AM
"Wang" is pronounced "wong," I believe.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:32 AM
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:34 AM
Here in anglo-world the best we can come up with is something like (true story) Collin Koch, which is not all that good, even when pronounced (as my friend did) as Colon Cock.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:38 AM
Harry Longfellow.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:40 AM
Further down eb's link:
Who wants to go first?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:41 AM
My husband claims to have gone to high school with a fellow student named Michael Hunt, who went by the obvious nickname. While I can't personally testify to the truth of that, I can say, because I've met him, that the father of his best friend from that period is a gynecologist named Dr. Seymour Weiner.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:44 AM
Pronounced "SAY-more".
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:48 AM
Awesome. One of the guys on the basketball team in high school had a very porn-starrish last name, and he also had an enormous penis. What are the odds?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:48 AM
While humorous "Harry Longfellow," "Mike Hunt," and "Seymore Weiner" just don't have the cache of "Well Hung." Even Big Dick Hertz is not likely to score more because of his name.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:52 AM
Ogged--did we go to high school together? 'Cuz it's like you're describing me. Except for the name, or being on the basketball team.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 11:52 AM
I went to school with a girl who had the unfortunate last name of "Uravitch".
Posted by tom | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 12:06 PM
I did go to school with a Mike Hunt (and a Happy Hussey), though that doesn't really compare to the woman a few cubes down who went to high school with--I kid you not--Spanky Johnson.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 12:06 PM
I went to school with a kid whose last name was Butkus. Pronounced Buttkiss.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 12:09 PM
My mother is acquainted with a woman named Beverly O'Shea, now in her sixties, who goes by the nickname 'Beaver'. She has prominent front teeth, and apparently no understanding of why people have coughing fits when she introduces herself.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 12:09 PM
dick butkus: the man with the name so gay, it isn't that gay.
Posted by Joe O | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 12:11 PM
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 12:17 PM
I once knew a lad named Beatis Johnson. A fine fellow.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 12:18 PM
Once upon a time there was a lawyer I know who had a client named Randall Male. He went by "Randy."
I giggled every time the secretaries buzzed in his call.
Posted by Scheherazade | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:18 PM
Um, hello? Harry Reid?
I also know someone whose last name is Van Dyke, Eudora kept giving me the bad language warning when I'd send an email to him.
Posted by SP | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:29 PM
I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:36 PM
Heck, if you're going after senators, what about Rick Santorum. He's a big homophobe, but his last name is a word for an anal sex byproduct! How funny is that?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:41 PM
The anal sex byproduct is named after the Senator, though.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:45 PM
Um, I knew that.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:49 PM
You knew it after michael told you.
Posted by joe o | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:55 PM
20: Is making cock jokes online with other guys gay or straight? What about making cock jokes over the internet with women?
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:56 PM
Far and away the longest serial topic of discussion among my grad school drinking buddies was that of the Double Phallic, or guys with two penilely inspired names. I've absolutely forgotten everybody that came up except Peter O'Toole and Roddy McDowell.
Posted by KF | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 1:59 PM
I believe I am required by law to mention Dick Trickle.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 2:01 PM
See 34 and 36, from when 100 was exciting.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 2:02 PM
32 to 29.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 2:03 PM
Also Dick Burroughs.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 2:10 PM
In Portland, Oregon, Hung Far Low's is closing down. Portland's premiere dive bar for more than 40 years.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 2:20 PM
Since 1928.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 2:22 PM
I went to high school with a guy whose last name was Doucheman. I imagine he's still in therapy after all these years.
Also, Hung Far Low isn't closing, but is moving to 82nd Ave. It might as well be closing, though, as it certainly won't be the same. Another Portland institution bites the dust.
Posted by FunkyDuck | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 3:30 PM
What else has John Emerson misled us about?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 3:34 PM
I don't think that dimness, mustiness, and timeless stagnation travel well.
My ex-wife's ex-husband has gone there several times a week for at least 40 years. Say hi to him. My son and his friends go there occasionally, but my son very properly ignores the guy.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:13 PM
Is that a clever confession?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:14 PM
I used to know a very sharp Turkish PhD whose maiden name was Kunt. I usually oppose marriage, but I feel that in this case there was a valid reason. Her brother changed his name to Koont.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:15 PM
I like the extraneous "very sharp Turkish PhD" part, but if my name were Kunt, and I were inclined to change it, I don't think Koont would be my first choice.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:20 PM
She has published in the Monthly Review. Does that count as "outing" her.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:22 PM
You can't find her by Googling, guys.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:23 PM
You mean there's another Koont who has published in the Monthly Review?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:25 PM
You'll find some Dutch comments on the MR, plus one or two different Kunts who published in the MR. Guy Kunts. She used her married name.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:26 PM
But the Koont who is the author of the article I linked is Turkish.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:28 PM
Demirgüç-Kunt. Not her. Metin Kunt, not her.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:28 PM
Her married name is Jewish. That should be a helpful clue.
Metin is a guy's name, for Christ's sake.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:29 PM
John, please click the links in 45 and 47.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:30 PM
Sinan might be the brother. Judging by his picture, he seems to have the requisite good humor.
As did she, though she needed it less once she was married.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:32 PM
Ah well, that's about the end of my curiosity about this Koont.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:35 PM
Murat Kunt. Wrong.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:35 PM
In England that surname, which Americans find thoroughly vile, is used in quite an affectionate slang sense among men. Upthread links are left as an exercise for the reader.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 07-12-05 4:42 PM
www.pokerstarsblog.com/
has the official bloggin goodness from the floor, tho I'm not sure how much they've been cleared to write since they got into the money (the last 560 players). lots of pics, insight, and some podcasts.
Posted by wd | Link to this comment | 07-13-05 9:17 AM
And nobody segued into "I have a gweat fwiend in Wome.."?
Posted by Camera Obscura | Link to this comment | 07-13-05 8:28 PM