Re: Let's Ride A Train

1

"Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir?" You don't like eet when I speak the French? "Je pense que non."

horizontal rule
2

You're not actually interested in dating a woman, are you, Ogged?

(btw, Trackback is farked again.)

horizontal rule
3

I can think of two good reasons why you'd be annoyed. To celebrate, I'm going to have some yogurt.

horizontal rule
4

Oui, parler francais n'importe quand c'est tres ennuyeux. Plutot le mauvais francais et sans accents que je dire, et que je pense la seductreuse extraoardinaire dire aussi. Mais, l'Ogged, avec les jeune filles, c'est tout qu'il chereche ennuyeuse. On commence a penser qu'Ogged vaut meilleur le plaigner que l'amour.

horizontal rule
5

"l'Ogged." Ha.

I agree, though: if there were the opportunity to date an astoundingly beautiful woman who was amazing in the sack, one slightly annoying habit would be a deal-breaker for me.

horizontal rule
6

one slightly annoying habit would be a deal-breaker for me

The right slightly annoying habit certainly could be, though. For me, that habit would be chewing with her mouth open, even if her face could launch a ship.

horizontal rule
7

You people are nuts.

horizontal rule
8
She made love like she was showing you how foolish you were for ever being with another woman.
horizontal rule
9

That's a great line, isn't it?

I didn't say it would be a deal-breaker.

horizontal rule
10

The morning after:

"Bonjour, ogged, mon petit lapin de chaleur."

horizontal rule
11

[redacted]

horizontal rule
12

"Little hotness bunny" might not be idiomatic French.

horizontal rule
13

What if she were French? IA doesn't specify, except to say that (a) she spoke it occasionally and (b) she wore some Parisian toilet water.

Would it be as annoying if she were actually from France?

I still stand by 7, by the way. Some people are afraid to let themselves be happy.

horizontal rule
14

"were" should be the only italicized word in 13.

horizontal rule
15

I do not understand why "train" is italicized in the title.

horizontal rule
16

It's in French, duh.

horizontal rule
17

Babelfish translates Weiner:

Yes, French speech any time they is very tedious. Rather bad French and without accents that I to say, and that I think seductreuse the extraoardinaire of saying too. But, Ogged, with the girls, it is very that it chereche tedious. One starts has to think that Ogged is worth the best plaigner than the love.
Insightful commentary!

horizontal rule
18

Oh, my. I'm with Joe here, although I suppose if by "deal breaker" you mean "no marriage" then I'll cut you some slack. Some.

But I know from experience one can learn to tune out "Take out the garbage" fairly easily and I assume French would be even easier.

Geez. I once dated someone who would respond "That's so funny you should write it down in your diarhhea" every time I tried to be clever. Which, as you know, is fairly often.

I stuck it out long enough to taste the forbidden fruit.

The fruit wasn't that good.

horizontal rule
19

Man, that's lame. How old was she?

horizontal rule
20

apostropher,

For me, that habit would be chewing with her mouth open

As a child I'd eat dinner at a friend's house fairly often and their entire family would do that - Mom, Dad, all the kids.

I'd sit at the table and hear five sets of mouths going "sluck, sluck, sluck."

My point is that there is someone for everyone. Even the open mouth chewers can live long enough to reproduce.

horizontal rule
21

Not if we strike quickly and with deadly force.

Lipsmacky eating drives me nuts.

horizontal rule
22

Man, that's lame. How old was she?

My guess is 22 or so. She was just released from the military where she had learned to thread needles into veins, which were, in her words "like worms under the skin."

I was 23 or 24 at the time. Once you get past small-talk it is amazing what you find out.

For example, another date confided that she thought people who claim "mental illness" were really possessed by demons. That came out after a month or so, and she was dead serious.

And then there is the one that puked and then wanted a kiss. But that really didn't taste that bad.

horizontal rule
23

!

horizontal rule
24

puked and then wanted a kiss

Ah, college. I remember it well.

horizontal rule
25

Despite being in a frat my college career was rather uneventful in the romance department.

It wasn't until I got out in the real world and especially when I hooked into the theatre crowd that things picked up. Theatre has been one of the best things I've ever done so far as a social life goes.

horizontal rule
26

Chewing with one's mouth open would be a deal-breaker for me as well. Unless I was allowed to punch her repeatedly in order to train her not to do so.

horizontal rule
27

Has it worked on Anthony?

horizontal rule
28

Theater is a big fuck-fest.

horizontal rule
29

Hmm.

horizontal rule
30

Expect a post entitled "The Audition" real soon now.

horizontal rule
31

SB, you're getting ahead of oggedself. First he'll read a flier for an upcoming production of some play and do a post in which he needs to be convinced to audition.

horizontal rule
32

But have already made the decision not to.

horizontal rule
33

I don't know, he was convinced by us or some higher agency not just to go to a party but also to email someone he met there.

horizontal rule
34

An August Strindberg play, if there is a god.

horizontal rule
35

He'd already decided to go.

Is my working theory.

horizontal rule
36

This cracks me up.

horizontal rule
37

Yeah, I was thinking of this thread, though it was back before I was a commenter, when writing 31.

horizontal rule
38

I'm looking forward to the point at which ogged tries out at an audition, and then, prior to hearing from the relevant party, decides that he doesn't want to commit to the play. So he looks to us to assuage his guilt about teasing them with a talent he is unwilling to put at their disposal. Hilarity ensues.

horizontal rule
39

Strindberg is totally Swedish.

horizontal rule
40

Most likely ogged will want to know more about a play, but not want to be in it, so he'll want to come to the audition, but not audition himself, because he's afraid that he's so talented that they'll want to sign him up for the lead role.

Then he'll finally let them know through a third party that he wants to see the audition, at which point they'll decide to open the play in another city and not tell him about it.

horizontal rule
41

Theater is a big fuck-fest.

I'll take your word for it. "Theatre," which I referred to, is ever so much highbrow. Uh huh. :)

Ogged, you can meet a lot of fun people in theatre, and they are always looking for someone to help out with set, sound, lights, whatever, not just act.

I'm speaking amateur of course. I'm certain Broadway unions would not like somebody else doing their jobs.

horizontal rule
42

Alright, ogged. Show us your step, ball-change, step, ball-change, walk-in-place-with-jazz-hands.

horizontal rule
43

This is a funny turn for the thread to have taken. I can't imagine anyone less theater than yours truly.

horizontal rule
44

Theatrical, maybe?

horizontal rule
45

I can't imagine anyone less theater than yours truly.

Geez, ogged, it's not about theatre, it's about sex. For a straight guy theatre is like al Qaeda's view of heaven except they aren't virgins.

horizontal rule
46

For a straight guy theatre is like al Qaeda's view of heaven

Maybe, but I'm a little frightened by all the ball-changing SB references. Sounds like it would smart.

horizontal rule
47

Between the ball-changes, neologisms, and interest in Japanese soap opera, I'm having a very hard time imagining a real human being behind the comments of Standpipe Bridgeplate.

horizontal rule
48

Maybe there's more than one.

horizontal rule
49

We're a committee of disgruntled Thomas Kincade highlight artists, if you must know.

horizontal rule
50

Wouldn't it be great if Unfogged itself, using only prior posts and comments as its building blocks, had developed an intelligence and begun posting under the SB pseudonym?

horizontal rule
51

How does it make you feel that wouldn't it be great if Unfogged itself, using only prior posts and comments as its building blocks, had developed an intelligence and begun posting under the SB pseudonym?

horizontal rule
52

It's spelled "Kinkade".

horizontal rule
53

I feel that it should be "began". If it had developed and had begun, that doesn't sound so good. If it had developed and began, better sequence.

horizontal rule
54

So much for that cover story.

horizontal rule
55

Kincade, Kinkade, Venerable Bede, whatever. We paint the little yellow bits on the cottage porn for minimum wage. Spelling ain't our gig.

horizontal rule
56

I thought we had established that Unfogged is no place for Kinkade.

horizontal rule
57

It seems I've linked to that Something Awful Photoshop Phriday before!

horizontal rule
58

And with good cause, too; it's quite well done. I especially like the one with Ophelia.

horizontal rule
59

And then there's this.

horizontal rule
60

It puts the yellow bits on the cottage porn or else it gets the hose.

horizontal rule
61

I'm having a very hard time imagining a real human being behind the comments of Standpipe Bridgeplate.

You know, fun is fun, but you hurt my real human being feelings, ogged. You're not invited to my party anymore.

horizontal rule
62

Come on, it was a compliment. Ogged was simply stunned that any single mortal could have your inimitable range of skills and interests.

horizontal rule
63

Ogged is invited to my party!

horizontal rule
64

*sniff*

I didn't want to go to your stinking part anyway.

horizontal rule
65

What do you know about my stinking part, Ben?

horizontal rule
66

I most certainly don't want to go there?

horizontal rule
67

You don't know that for sure.

horizontal rule
68

Let's talk about something less personal, like dandelions.

horizontal rule
69

Too late. He already sniffed your part.

horizontal rule
70

I like dandelions when they are yellow, and also when they are turned white and to fuzz. I've never tried dandelion wine, but I know I would not serve it to guests without testing it on myself first. It could be good! But also not.

horizontal rule
71

He already sniffed your part.

Without an invitation!

horizontal rule
72

I like stinking parts when they are yellow, and also when they are turned white and to fuzz.

horizontal rule
73

I was all set to be annoyed that I go away for several hours and the rest of the comments aren't in truly awful French--and it's Kotsko's fault, too!--but 28 etc. has been a great thread. Ogged, I think you should stage-manage.

horizontal rule
74

I assume 51 is referring to Eliza. It was pretty easy to manipulate that by switching up the pronouns. I remember once getting it to ask me "How does it make you feel that I don't believe in the ocean?"

Artificial intelligence my eye.

horizontal rule
75

or MegaHAL.

horizontal rule
76

Or the emacs pyschologist.

horizontal rule
77

Yup, yup, yup, respectively.

horizontal rule
78

SB, in addition to "who cares about your fucking feelings?" I should say that 47 was, in fact, a compliment.

horizontal rule
79

Note to self: If for some odd reason I want to compliment ogged, telling him that I can't imagine he's a human will suffice.

horizontal rule
80

Ogged—as is all too obvious, I didn't exactly get that, but I had hoped the "party" business would flag my response as unserious. I apologize for the mixup, and I thank you for the compliment.

horizontal rule
81

o-earnest! o-earnest! Standpipe is banned!

horizontal rule
82

I believe I already did that, though I can't find it. Something about his weird non-sweaty feet.

horizontal rule
83

82 to 79, though I think I also have banned SB.

horizontal rule
84

Not that I would say that SB has weird non-sweaty feet, or refer to SB by any pronoun other than "Standpipe" or "Standpipeself."

horizontal rule
85

Matt, this?

horizontal rule
86

Ogged: You've been waiting for this moment, haven't you.

Matt: I knew a pirate named Shiva once.

horizontal rule
87

Some comment I left referencing it, I think. Wait! I know! It had to do with Tim Burke calling Unfogged a lefty analytic philosophy blog or something.

horizontal rule
88

SB, is that a sequitur? Am I allowed to reveal where bridge plates may be found (on t'other thread)?

horizontal rule
89

Looking this up was not a good use of my time.

horizontal rule
90

But it's appreciated!

horizontal rule
91

Matt, I don't follow. Twas Shiva the Pirate that prompted you to ban me—I was just jogging your memory. I suppose I should have linked.

horizontal rule
92

Bridge-Plate: Armtec, the company with a long history of product innovation, introduces Bridge-Plate™ the strongest corrugation available in the bridge market today.

Also found on guitars.

horizontal rule
93

Deepest and strongest. Don't forget deepest.

horizontal rule
94

Thank you all. Seriously lacking in Google mojo--I was searching "cyborg" not "cyborgs," and confusing Tim Burke with Ralph. And "academic" with "analytic."

horizontal rule
95

Maybe that woman lived in the French house at college. Maybe she was supposed to speak French all the time there--that was the condition of getting a pretty room to herself for two years--and yet the best she could do was to make jokes in really bad franglais with the other people in the house who couldn't be bothered to speak French all the time. And then these bad franglais jokes took on a life of their own among her circle of friends, and she can't help making them from time to time, even now.

Just, you know, a theory.

horizontal rule
96

I searched "matt weiner" pseudonym site:unfogged.com

horizontal rule
97

The woman is you, isn't it, ac?

horizontal rule
98

Long ago, in someone else's lifetime, someone with her name, who looked a lot like her…

horizontal rule
99

Not necessarily, Joe—she could be part of the circle of friends.

horizontal rule
100

I speak entirely theoretically, of course. Though make that a pretty room in the nicest house on campus.

horizontal rule
101

The stinking part.

horizontal rule
102

SB, you're on nobody's side.

horizontal rule
103

103!

horizontal rule
104

Is this narrative going to somehow reconnect to the thread that stopped after Ogged's astonishingly good guess?

horizontal rule
105

The violist one? How would it?

horizontal rule
106

Gingerly.

horizontal rule
107

Yeah, I don't get it either, w/d. But since you brought it up, and we're in this far away thread, let's talk about that guess, and how it wasn't really so astonishing. ac said that the person was "one of the most talented and famous men in the world." How many people fit that description? There's our musician, but who else? It has to be someone who we've all heard of, and someone we'd likely all agree was very talented. I could think of three people: Spielberg, Michael Jordan, and the musician. I knew it wasn't Jordan. I figured that Spielberg was too old to be regularly calling ac's friend, and the musician just seems so damn friendly that it didn't seem unlikely.

horizontal rule
108

I still think it's astonishing, and now I'm also astonished at your explanation.

horizontal rule
109

I'm also astonished at your explanation

Why?

horizontal rule
110

I don't know any famous violists (are there any?). And I don't remember the discussion you guys are talking about.

But if a famous cellist were wooing ac's friend, that's pretty cool.

Oh, yo' daddy's rich...
And [ogged edits to read: Ya Ya Moo] is good-lookin'...

horizontal rule
111

I didn't see any obvious connections between the two but the coincidence of ac seeing this theoretical similarity between the Incompetent Attorney's story and someone in her circle of friends reminded me of that other serendipitous connection.

This also calls for an experiment of asking people who aren't privty to this conversation to name the three people who they first think of on hearing the prompt, "one of the most talented and famous men in the world."

horizontal rule
112

privy

horizontal rule
113

Fire in aisle 110!

horizontal rule
114

You totally effed up my awesome rewrite of that lyric, Ogged.

horizontal rule
115

Discretion, young Joe, discretion.

horizontal rule
116

I had assumed the "talented" gave it away. It suggests music more than sports.

horizontal rule
117

Your seeming immediate leap (as characterized now) from "one of the most famous and talented people in the world" to the musician in question (and two other people, though surely there's contention as to Spielberg's talent). (This musician, incidentally, isn't that much older than Spielberg.)

horizontal rule
118

We're talking about this thread.

horizontal rule
119

Ok, well, since ac was the one askin'.

I wouldn't have posted it if I'd read the whole "ungoogleable" conversation.

horizontal rule
120

Spielberg is 9 years older, which, you're right, is less than I thought (I also discounted Spielberg a bit on "talent," as you say).

horizontal rule
121

I don't know any famous violists (are there any?).

Kim Kashkashian, the guy who plays cello, viola and flute (can't remember his name, he's Russian—you'll probably assert that this means he's not famous). Uh, wossname, the guy who wrote Der Schwanendreher, Paul Hindemith.

horizontal rule
122

I would think there are more than 3 world famous men.

What about David Beckham or Bill Clinton or Bill Gates or any of these people

horizontal rule
123

While the Hindemith thing is technically true, he's not famous for being a violist.

horizontal rule
124

But are they talented? Moreover, are they people you would describe as talented with reference to a specific context?

horizontal rule
125

While the Hindemith thing is technically true, he's not famous for being a violist.

Yeah, and I wasn't technically paying your mom for sex, just for her time.

horizontal rule
126

are they people you would describe as talented with reference to a specific context?

Exactly.

horizontal rule
127

Is Kim Kashkashian famous? I mean, I've heard of her, but is she any more famous than Mat Maneri? I think John Cale may be the most famous violist qua violist.

horizontal rule
128

Actually, lots of people don't know Cale plays viola. Though you're probably right that he's more widely known even as a violist than Maneri or Kashkashian.

with reference to a specific context?

Should have been without reference to a specific context, because of course you would describe Clinton as talented if you were talking about politics or some such, but you wouldn't generally say of him that he's talented.

horizontal rule
129

Pwned.

horizontal rule
130

I haven't heard of Kashkashian, Hindemith, or Cale. And the MacArthur fellows aren't among the "most famous" people in the world.

horizontal rule
131

Damn. He did the pre-emptive backtrack.

horizontal rule
132

You haven't heard of John Cale?

...well, we did already know you're lame, I guess.

horizontal rule
133

Results 1 - 10 of about 145 for "famous violist".

horizontal rule
134

Anyway, my failure to come up with Cale (whom I saw within the last 12 months live, it was awesome) is just proof that he's not primarily thought of as a violist.

horizontal rule
135

oh yeah!

horizontal rule
136

Sleep with one eye open tonight, wolfson.

horizontal rule
137

Something's up with the disjunction in the search in B-wo's 135, since there are more hits for ("John Cale" viola) then there are for ("Kim Kashkashian" viola) and more hits for ("John Cale" violist) then there are for ("Kim Kashkashian" violist).

horizontal rule
138

"famous violist" vs. "famous electrician"

horizontal rule
139

But also "famous violist" vs. "famous bricklayer"

horizontal rule
140

standpipe vs. bridgeplate

horizontal rule
141

Le jeune fille charmant a disait trop souvent, "J'aime Bill Laimbeer"

horizontal rule
142

charmante

horizontal rule
143

et 'la'; je ne voudrais pas suggester que l'Ogged soit homosexuel

horizontal rule
144

Huh. I was commenting here a year ago? I hadn't realized.

horizontal rule
145

I was going to do some half-baked French at you, Matt, but I couldn't decide whether you were tu or vous, and didn't want to risk insulting you—this being a blog concerned overmuch with la politesse. How familiar are we, Frenchwise?

horizontal rule
146

By the way, you can tu me when you want to tu me.

horizontal rule
147

Können wir einander duzen?

horizontal rule
148

Je pense que nous sont tous amicable pour nous tutoyer. Certainement, tu peux me tutoyer. Et le grammaire, vocabulaire, et cetera, ce sont completement optionelles. Comme on peut voir.

horizontal rule
149

Your place or mine?

horizontal rule
150

What'd I say?

horizontal rule
151

Alle sind Freunde hier, b-wo, nicht wahr? Wenn ich irgendjemanden regelmässig bei dem Mineshaft sehe, soll ich ihn natürlich duzen.

horizontal rule
152

Cette chose-ci est-ce qu'elle marche?

Oui? Bon.

Bonsoir, Matt. Je répondais à Ben, qui m'avait posé en allemand la même question que je t'avais posé en anglais.

Ouf. Il me faut pratiquer écrire sans essayer d'éviter des erreurs.

horizontal rule
153

Now this isn't at all exclusive and in-groupy, no sir.

horizontal rule
154

Yeah, but it seems confined to this thread, and I expected it would go like this, with the French bit in the post. I'm constantly tempted to do a little Farsi blogging in response, but then I realize that you would all like that.

horizontal rule
155

Fremde Französischsprecher.

horizontal rule
156

SB antwortete mich? Wo? Ich dachte, dass 149 zu 148 gehört (gehörtete?).

Cala, veilleicht hast du Recht, aber ich bin nicht überzeugt. Meiner Meinung nach, was beim Mineshaft passiert, soll beim Mineshaft bleiben. (Zuerst schrieb ich "Meinschaft".)

Ich hasse, dass ich keine Ahnung habe, ob die meisten Verben stark oder schwach sind. Ich hasse auch dass ich nicht schlafen kann! Und ich bin so müde.

horizontal rule
157

Mein Deutsch blowt.

horizontal rule
158

Ich glaube, müder b-wo, daß die Verben, die du benutzt hast, fast richtig sind.

Mir ist zu heiß zu schlafen.

horizontal rule
159

This thread reminds me, any suggestions on French language support? I have a (temporary borrowed copy which i fully intend to pay for, really!) copy of MS Office XP, and can't get the updates. I've fairly resigned myself to my fate of manually inserting all the accent marks, but if anyone has any alternatives they'd like to share, that'd be nice.

horizontal rule
160

Cala is too hot to sleep. Just an announcement for all of the Nichtdeutschsprecher out there.

horizontal rule
161

SB antwortete mich?

Sure. You asked if we could duzen each other, so naturally I wondered where.

horizontal rule
162

Cala is too hot to sleep.

I've often suspected as much.

horizontal rule
163

*raises an eyebrow*.

Hey, I made sure to use the correct form. 'Mir ist heiß' implies that my hovel is uncomfortably warm. 'Ich bin heiß' would have reflected the (obviously irrelevant) truth that I am too sizzling to slumber.

horizontal rule
164

my hovel is uncomfortably warm

Is that what the kids are calling them these days?

horizontal rule