How are you supposed to save Earth if you don't know what the aliens are doing?
And who says you can't have sex with the aliens? That's the either/or of alien literature: You go with the aliens, and then you either save the Earth or have sex with them.
Also, and this was in college so it's a good bet that I was drunk at the time, the way I remember the test, the whole point was whether you'd give up everything for a Lewis and Clark–style expedition—so you'd need to be able to keep a blog at the least. (This was also before blogs; back then it would've been "send letters" or something, which I'd've been to lazy to do.)
And to be entirely fair, I think it was offered in the spirit of an off-handed "Hey wouldn't it be cool?" to which I was supposed to reply, "yeah, totally sweet."
Not that the story doesn't have a certain charm on its own, but it's so much better if it's Kristen. Almost obviates the need to address the "sex with aliens" issue.
It seems to me that the original choice is between two incommensurate positive utilities, and that's why it's so tricky. I can also understand looking at it as the negative utility of never being able to interact or communicate with a human again is so obviously greater than the positives from exploration, but that doesn't strike me as obviously true, more that the travel option is so much riskier in terms of possible payoffs.
I once had a colleague who loved referring to us as "Susan and her parter Kriston" to people who didn't know us. The truth was inevitably very disappointing.
I would have said yes before I had kids and might say yes again after they are grown. But then I've been plausibly accused of being nutso by bigger men than you, Ogged.
Would changing it to "Susan and her partner Kriston" really change the joke? Speaking of which, how come you don't pronounce your name "Kris-tahn" or something to de-girlify it?
And MY and I did talk about this. Just this weekend, in our living room. My mom was pretty insistent that I not alter my name in any way—neither by pronunciation nor truncation. When I found out that my dad had been gunning for Alex, but lost, I took up the banner and demanded to be called Alex, and lost as well.
Unless of course you're talking about this Bolivia which is where i grew up.
Don't let the national topics fool you--we had a stop SIGN, and only one of those at that. Biggest news was which of the n churches was having a fish fry that weekend.
Well, my middle name is Dean. I tried using that one as a kid, but I was always greeted with some long string like mean-bean-green-Dean-machine. "Kriston" is surprisingly tease-proof as far as names go; all I ever got from it was "Kriston . . . the girl."
And then they didn't all micewise cringe beneath you, waiting for your death stomp, only to squeak in shock at your undeserved benevolence, your gift to them of little cheese crumbs from your flowing beard?
That depends, because it's sort of feminine (because it makes you sound like a British fop) to go by both your first and middle names. Does Armsmasher balance out fop?
You should cultivate, as a guy I vaguely knew by sight in college did, hemingwayesque facial hair and headgear, so that people spontaneously start calling you "papa", and then ask that they also use your family name. Poppa Capps in your ass.
I think we were talking about this at St. Ex, not the living room. More to the point -- quit being such a mama's boy and change the name already! It turns out that in Iceland nobody has this problem. Everyone gets "son" or "dottir" appended to their dad's name to use as a last name so there's never room for confusion. You could move to that model.
29: Karyn, is that near Holden Beach? We went the for a week on family holiday the summer before 9th grade. Really nice, if a little too golf-infested (that was a bigger concern then than it is now).
43: Wow, Matthew Yglesias and I hang out at the same bars? I feel so cool... or something.
In third grade I believe I was just entering my pudgy stage. That is where I developed the middle name Funnyguy. I didn't get to Hammershot until High School after passing through Zitshy.
It was the reverse. I ran towards them. Ah hahahahahaha.
No. Unfortunately I ran from Bullyass and his cronies Nosepick and Wannabee.
It all worked out for the best. I kept the humor and my deep seated anger has given me resolve towards pursuing my goals and has given me empathy which I might otherwise lack.
Don't let them get you down, they are just jealous. When you are ready I will let you use my adult "name de plumbing". How does Kriston Foxdream sound?
Go with the aliens. You'll be reunited with your friends by virtue of the absurd.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:16 PM
Also, snort the pixie stix. You'll be reunited with your mucous membranes by virtue of the absurd.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:19 PM
the point is the joy, yes? I can't say whether I'd go or not without more information as to whether the alien race contains hott sexy babes.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:22 PM
Kristen must not have seen Cocoon 2. Just because the aliens say you can't come back, doesn't mean you won't come back.
I have a wife and kids so I won't be doing any austronauting unless I can come back in two weeks, a month tops.
Posted by Joe O | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:23 PM
KristOn, KristOn. Kristen would be a girl's name.
Posted by susan | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:32 PM
What?
In simple terms the question is what would it take to make you give up sex.
Is there a guy out there who would want to date someone willing to give up sex for anything short of "to save someone's life?"
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:36 PM
How are you supposed to save Earth if you don't know what the aliens are doing?
And who says you can't have sex with the aliens? That's the either/or of alien literature: You go with the aliens, and then you either save the Earth or have sex with them.
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:38 PM
Also, and this was in college so it's a good bet that I was drunk at the time, the way I remember the test, the whole point was whether you'd give up everything for a Lewis and Clark–style expedition—so you'd need to be able to keep a blog at the least. (This was also before blogs; back then it would've been "send letters" or something, which I'd've been to lazy to do.)
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:47 PM
As someone who has done this trip I can tell you: the Universe is kinda boring.
Go to Bolivia instead.
Posted by ogmb | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 12:55 PM
And to be entirely fair, I think it was offered in the spirit of an off-handed "Hey wouldn't it be cool?" to which I was supposed to reply, "yeah, totally sweet."
Posted by susan | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 1:02 PM
So we're breaking up.
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 1:06 PM
Not that the story doesn't have a certain charm on its own, but it's so much better if it's Kristen. Almost obviates the need to address the "sex with aliens" issue.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 1:19 PM
It seems to me that the original choice is between two incommensurate positive utilities, and that's why it's so tricky. I can also understand looking at it as the negative utility of never being able to interact or communicate with a human again is so obviously greater than the positives from exploration, but that doesn't strike me as obviously true, more that the travel option is so much riskier in terms of possible payoffs.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 1:21 PM
I once had a colleague who loved referring to us as "Susan and her parter Kriston" to people who didn't know us. The truth was inevitably very disappointing.
Posted by susan | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 1:22 PM
I would have said yes before I had kids and might say yes again after they are grown. But then I've been plausibly accused of being nutso by bigger men than you, Ogged.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 1:38 PM
If you can blog it, then you should go.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 1:58 PM
sorry for the mess of mistakes in 8.
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:03 PM
9: As someone who has just done this trip I can tell you: Bolivia is interesting, but in a lot of not-tourist-friendly ways right now.
go to Peru.
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:12 PM
Would changing it to "Susan and her partner Kriston" really change the joke? Speaking of which, how come you don't pronounce your name "Kris-tahn" or something to de-girlify it?
Posted by Matthew Yglesias | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:13 PM
Really Kriston, you could go from by boy with girl's name to Kal-El.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:17 PM
But I would have thought that you guys would have talked about this by now.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:18 PM
Kris-tone' takes out some of the girly. Especially if you crack your neck whilst saying it.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:18 PM
Kris-tone makes him sound like he's in a boy band.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:19 PM
there aren't any girls in boy bands.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:21 PM
I'm not sure where you're going with this.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:24 PM
it takes the girly out, and replaces it with something else -- desire to perform simple choreography, breast-beating, suckiness.
For all things there is a price.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:30 PM
how come you don't pronounce your name "Kris-tahn" or something to de-girlify it
In what world does "Kris-tahn" sound less girlie?
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:34 PM
Yeah, I don't want to suck.
And MY and I did talk about this. Just this weekend, in our living room. My mom was pretty insistent that I not alter my name in any way—neither by pronunciation nor truncation. When I found out that my dad had been gunning for Alex, but lost, I took up the banner and demanded to be called Alex, and lost as well.
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:35 PM
Unless of course you're talking about this Bolivia which is where i grew up.
Don't let the national topics fool you--we had a stop SIGN, and only one of those at that. Biggest news was which of the n churches was having a fish fry that weekend.
Posted by Karyn | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:37 PM
You can be Alex here, if you like. What's the attraction of "Kriston" for your mom?
Tim, you were the one who said that Kris-tahn had a Kal-El feel.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:37 PM
Kriston, or Alex? Is Hobson taken?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:38 PM
Alex isn't so bad, and as androgynous names go, it's still pretty boyish.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:39 PM
Well, my middle name is Dean. I tried using that one as a kid, but I was always greeted with some long string like mean-bean-green-Dean-machine. "Kriston" is surprisingly tease-proof as far as names go; all I ever got from it was "Kriston . . . the girl."
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:42 PM
Though I got it a lot.
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:42 PM
They didn't call you "Krissy," and give you a chance to up-end a table and tower over them while they scampered like scared pathetic mice?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:44 PM
I thought Krist-on sounded like Kal-El, surely.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:50 PM
I thought they were different renderings of the same sound.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:51 PM
And then they didn't all micewise cringe beneath you, waiting for your death stomp, only to squeak in shock at your undeserved benevolence, your gift to them of little cheese crumbs from your flowing beard?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:52 PM
You guys went to my elementary school?
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 2:56 PM
In an effort to be helpful might I suggest a new middle name? Something like Armsmasher?
Kriston Armsmasher is fairly masculine, don't you think?
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:14 PM
That depends, because it's sort of feminine (because it makes you sound like a British fop) to go by both your first and middle names. Does Armsmasher balance out fop?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 3:16 PM
You should cultivate, as a guy I vaguely knew by sight in college did, hemingwayesque facial hair and headgear, so that people spontaneously start calling you "papa", and then ask that they also use your family name. Poppa Capps in your ass.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 4:59 PM
I think we were talking about this at St. Ex, not the living room. More to the point -- quit being such a mama's boy and change the name already! It turns out that in Iceland nobody has this problem. Everyone gets "son" or "dottir" appended to their dad's name to use as a last name so there's never room for confusion. You could move to that model.
Posted by Matthew Yglesias | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 5:13 PM
Pronounce it "kreestone" and spell it "Cristone" and start designing clothing. After that name, the clothing designs are merely details.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 6:59 PM
29: Karyn, is that near Holden Beach? We went the for a week on family holiday the summer before 9th grade. Really nice, if a little too golf-infested (that was a bigger concern then than it is now).
43: Wow, Matthew Yglesias and I hang out at the same bars? I feel so cool... or something.
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 07-27-05 11:14 PM
Tripp, that's the best advice I've ever heard. Where were you in third grade?
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 8:09 AM
Armsmasher,
In third grade I believe I was just entering my pudgy stage. That is where I developed the middle name Funnyguy. I didn't get to Hammershot until High School after passing through Zitshy.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 8:37 AM
"Zitshy" because you ran away from people with acne?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 9:09 AM
ben,
It was the reverse. I ran towards them. Ah hahahahahaha.
No. Unfortunately I ran from Bullyass and his cronies Nosepick and Wannabee.
It all worked out for the best. I kept the humor and my deep seated anger has given me resolve towards pursuing my goals and has given me empathy which I might otherwise lack.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 9:29 AM
All I got was a girl's name, but it turned out OK.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:49 AM
Nice handle, Mr. Ass Harem.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:53 AM
Thans, Standpipe Bridgepants.
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:56 AM
^ k
Posted by Kriston | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 11:56 AM
Armsmasher,
Don't let them get you down, they are just jealous. When you are ready I will let you use my adult "name de plumbing". How does Kriston Foxdream sound?
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 12:05 PM
Why not just go whole hog, and change your name to Max Power?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 12:34 PM
Both sound pretty porny.
You know what's a unisex porn name? "Ronnie." I'm just glad my name isn't Ronnie.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 1:01 PM
I thought the ultimate was "Randy."
How about "Major Talon?" I've always liked that for masculinity.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 07-28-05 1:46 PM