No, I hadn't bothered to read his profile. I just meant he's amusing by virtue of the eye-coloring thing. Admittedly, it's probably not what he was going for.
And he's clearly outgunned when it comes to cynicism.
"I'm a very interesting guy.... I love music. I listen to nearly all genres of music, enjoy experiencing music live, and adore performing and writing. ... I will accept collect calls if you intrigue me."
It really is a tough medium, though. Immodesty makes you sound like an ass faster than anything else, but someone who's decently modest ends up not saying anything about themselves. This guy actually sounds very pleasant if you take the ad as an objective assessment -- he just sounds like a twerp because he's saying about himself. I don't see an easy solution.
(Of course, there's no excuse for the colorized eyes.)
Here's all you really need to know about him: [Prospective Mate's] Age Between 18 - 30. Correct me if I'm wrong, but (.5*27)+7 is 20.5; the guy's a cradle-robber.
Nice guy? Isn't there something a little creepy about a guy his age trying to date an 18 year old? What is wrong with you people?
Bad proofreading and an oppressive weight requirement (although I suppose if I defended the earlier woman's right to exclude the visibly skinny, I shouldn't carp at this guy's decision to require them. It just irks me because I bet if he saw an actual woman who was 5'10" and say, 145, 15 pounds over his weight limit, he'd be thinking "Girl needs to eat a sandwich.")
Other than that, not a bad profile, correcting for the limits of the genre. I like the Whitman reference in 'Manahatta', coupled with not mentioning Whitman in the authors he likes. But I'd knock him out of consideration on proofreading alone -- if the man's a lawyer, he should be able to spell 'boundaries' correctly.
21, Now that guy's a tool. Canadian Mysterio isn't smarmy enough to be a tool—he's just too earnest. I get a consider-lover-but-probably-a-whiner vibe.
Well, he's also just a bad writer, but lots of people are without being bad people.
I can see strong arguments for not bothering with someone who can't put an attractive paragraph together, but not so much for thinking actively ill of anything other than their writing skills.
I like Neil Gaiman but someone putting that down as a favorite book immediately disqualifies them. It's not only his worst work, as far as I'm concerned, but, more distrubingly, it ends encouraging escapism from reality.
His favorite music choices also disqualify him. I'm not intolerent, really. I was going to let hoobastank slide. But then he had to throw in Good Charlotte and TRUSTcompany. This cannot be allowed.
Is it the men being harsh or the women? I suspect that the men are trying to show how much more clever they are in comparison.
And when they start to criticize the women, I'll have to point out that, in real life, a lot of the women are probably quite attractive and enjoyable even if it doesn't come across so well onscreen. I also bet that it's easier to be analytical and rational online, but that in teh flesh the men's standards (for women--don't know enough about gay men) would drop some.
The prick from the link in 21 needs to die for this alone:
"Several books lay open, piled up, dog-eared, thumbed through, thought about, never quite forgotten, by my bed. All of them started, but none fully read.
Yet."
Oh, you're so fucking smart and literate and thoughtful, even your "Yet" deserves the overblown emphasis of a gratuitous paragraph break. Well good sir, just stand up and let me suck your cock!
Re: 19, I suppose it depends on how strongly you feel about age differences in dating. Personally, I don't think it's that bad-my 26 y/o ex is seeing a 20 y/o now (and I'm 23 and seeing someone who's 33).
I feel like you guys are a bunch of strangers I've stumbled across discussing my hood.
Anyway, it's not that hard to write a good profile if you're, uh, a good writer. All of you guys are good at crafting online personae.
Here's the profile of the Wittgenstein fan I mentioned earlier: nervouslight. I can't link to it cuz this computer is being weird and it takes it about ten minutes to load an ad.
Or look, I'll hide my photos; read mine: teaandoranges and eat_the_peach. (I don't care if you pick the meat off my bones; I can take it).
Anyway, you just do the thing you always do: one part self aggrandizement; one part self deprecation, mix well.
It's impossible not to sound like a jerk in answering these questions. Especially if you're a guy. The appropriate time for answers to some of them (e.g., humbling moment) is well after she's has removed her shirt. Of course you sound like an idiot if you answer them early on; it practically implies she's committed to removing her shirt.
I thought those ads were nice, Tia. I mean, for my taste the mucous is a half-step too far, but it wouldn't put me off replying. Also, I'd totally make out with you if you look like Allyson Hannigan.
The magnet thing is a lie, actually. I thought it would be kind of meta to lie in answer to that question. I mean, the kleptomania was real, but I wasn't that ingenious a seven year old.
Those are both much better than the others people have linked. I wouldn't date you because of the Harry Potter reference (well, and being married and straight and all) but I'd be ruing my irrational antipathy.
I would like it if you were intelligent, passionate, literate, goofy, creative, a little off-kilter, with perhaps a tendency toward melodrama but a very good sense of humor about yourself.
Check.
I would love it if you would:
go mini golfing with me
Check.
sing karaoke with me
you will regret requesting that. Check.
Malheursement, I am not on the market. You will live on though, no? There are other peches in the sea.
Where did this shit about age differences come from anyway? I felt that way when I was 21, obviously, but I'm older and wiser now.
Here is my version of the thing, although I'm sure ogged will show me up with a freaking link to the actual discussion.
Ogged is very defensive because older guys like me have more skillz with the ladies and he doesn't like, as he puts it, "poaching." I told him that as far as I was concerned there were no age restrictions between adults. Somebody mentioned the 1/2 plus seven rule but as far as I recall Ogged's rule was basically "keep your cotton picking hands off my women, dudes."
Ogged's recollection of the matter may differ from mine in some minor (yuck yuck) areas.
Why isn't Ogged off with the 18 year olds (legal in every state!) where he belongs? They're very easily impressed.
Co-eds can be very easily impressed indeed. I once saw an older guy (25 or so) putting the big schmooze on a freshman. As I came closer, completely innocently with no intention of eavesdropping, I found that he was making a big production out of the Cartesian distinction between primary and secondary qualities.
Well, of course there's a difference between just trying to pick someone up, and trying to find someone with whom you could have a serious relationship.
This doesn't really have a bearing on the age thing, though, except for the "pragmatic life-stage" stuff Tia mentioned.
What an idiot. Everyone knows large pupils are sexy, but he left his intact.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 9:43 AM
to his credit, he is amusing
Posted by tom | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 9:53 AM
Are you serious? He's totally vanilla. Canadian, even.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 9:56 AM
Canadian vanilla? Is that like French vanilla with a lame accent?
Posted by Isle of Toads | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 9:58 AM
Sweetened with maple syrup.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 9:59 AM
No, I hadn't bothered to read his profile. I just meant he's amusing by virtue of the eye-coloring thing. Admittedly, it's probably not what he was going for.
And he's clearly outgunned when it comes to cynicism.
Posted by tom | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:04 AM
How I wish I could hack his profile and white out his eyes completely.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:07 AM
Or insert "I've been hypnotized!" black and white spirals.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:09 AM
"I'm a very interesting guy.... I love music. I listen to nearly all genres of music, enjoy experiencing music live, and adore performing and writing. ... I will accept collect calls if you intrigue me."
I hate this person.
Posted by Isle of Toads | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:10 AM
You people really need to read more profiles. This guy is likable.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:12 AM
I've been hypnotized!
Ha! So I just went and actually read his personal and... wow.
Where he'd like to be right now:
"Floating in a bottle on the ocean, waiting to be found." Because I'm only seven inches tall and don't need oxygen.
Why you should get to know me:
"I'm a very interesting guy." Don't be fooled by the rest of this personal. I am. Really.
So many profiles on this service would fit in better here. "Must enjoy protective headgear."
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:16 AM
The picture got you to stop and take another look. That's got to help.
The guy's average and (yes) likeable. How very Canadian. But he can live without the road bike? Ehhh... Guess I'm not placing that collect call.
Posted by girl27 | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:24 AM
It really is a tough medium, though. Immodesty makes you sound like an ass faster than anything else, but someone who's decently modest ends up not saying anything about themselves. This guy actually sounds very pleasant if you take the ad as an objective assessment -- he just sounds like a twerp because he's saying about himself. I don't see an easy solution.
(Of course, there's no excuse for the colorized eyes.)
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:25 AM
LB understands.
(I should just post my damn profile.)
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:26 AM
You mean that's not you?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:27 AM
Not your best work, LB.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:28 AM
apostropher, that's a great post. My personal favorite bit is that the agoraphobic lady's profile indicates that she's looking for a travel partner.
Posted by tom | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:29 AM
Floating in a bottle on the ocean
Maybe he's a Jinn.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:30 AM
Here's all you really need to know about him: [Prospective Mate's] Age Between 18 - 30. Correct me if I'm wrong, but (.5*27)+7 is 20.5; the guy's a cradle-robber.
Nice guy? Isn't there something a little creepy about a guy his age trying to date an 18 year old? What is wrong with you people?
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:37 AM
a little creepy about a guy his age trying to date an 18 year old?
Not if she was a really young-looking 18-year-old.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:41 AM
Here's another. Tool, or something else entirely?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 10:49 AM
Not a tool. Maybe a prick.
Posted by Isle of Toads | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:00 AM
Bad proofreading and an oppressive weight requirement (although I suppose if I defended the earlier woman's right to exclude the visibly skinny, I shouldn't carp at this guy's decision to require them. It just irks me because I bet if he saw an actual woman who was 5'10" and say, 145, 15 pounds over his weight limit, he'd be thinking "Girl needs to eat a sandwich.")
Other than that, not a bad profile, correcting for the limits of the genre. I like the Whitman reference in 'Manahatta', coupled with not mentioning Whitman in the authors he likes. But I'd knock him out of consideration on proofreading alone -- if the man's a lawyer, he should be able to spell 'boundaries' correctly.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:07 AM
He does agricultural law?
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:08 AM
21, Now that guy's a tool. Canadian Mysterio isn't smarmy enough to be a tool—he's just too earnest. I get a consider-lover-but-probably-a-whiner vibe.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:10 AM
Huh, so LB doesn't understand, she's just a pushover.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:13 AM
Sorry, I meant that I get a considerate-lover vibe from purple eyes.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:19 AM
Well, he's also just a bad writer, but lots of people are without being bad people.
I can see strong arguments for not bothering with someone who can't put an attractive paragraph together, but not so much for thinking actively ill of anything other than their writing skills.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:24 AM
Old favorites:
Neverwhere
I like Neil Gaiman but someone putting that down as a favorite book immediately disqualifies them. It's not only his worst work, as far as I'm concerned, but, more distrubingly, it ends encouraging escapism from reality.
His favorite music choices also disqualify him. I'm not intolerent, really. I was going to let hoobastank slide. But then he had to throw in Good Charlotte and TRUSTcompany. This cannot be allowed.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:32 AM
I'm from New York. Did I mention I'm from New York, and that I'm a New Yorker, and that it's part of my religion?
I saw the 212, yo. There's no need to be snippy about it.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:33 AM
He's a big chocolate fan - I say cut him some slack.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:39 AM
Man am I glad I don't have to date anymore. You people are harsh.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:41 AM
I'd date you, LB. Especially if you started explaining stare decisis with a thick Irish brogue while wearing a skimpy bikini. That would be hott.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 11:51 AM
Is it the men being harsh or the women? I suspect that the men are trying to show how much more clever they are in comparison.
And when they start to criticize the women, I'll have to point out that, in real life, a lot of the women are probably quite attractive and enjoyable even if it doesn't come across so well onscreen. I also bet that it's easier to be analytical and rational online, but that in teh flesh the men's standards (for women--don't know enough about gay men) would drop some.
Posted by bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:02 PM
The prick from the link in 21 needs to die for this alone:
"Several books lay open, piled up, dog-eared, thumbed through, thought about, never quite forgotten, by my bed. All of them started, but none fully read.
Yet."
Oh, you're so fucking smart and literate and thoughtful, even your "Yet" deserves the overblown emphasis of a gratuitous paragraph break. Well good sir, just stand up and let me suck your cock!
Posted by Isle of Toads | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:02 PM
BG, of course guys might date someone after meeting them IRL but still think that their personal ad is atrocious. So what?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:05 PM
Also, although we can't know for sure, he probably means books *lie* open.
Otherwise, what a terrible story.
Posted by Sam K | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:07 PM
Re: 19, I suppose it depends on how strongly you feel about age differences in dating. Personally, I don't think it's that bad-my 26 y/o ex is seeing a 20 y/o now (and I'm 23 and seeing someone who's 33).
Posted by Karyn | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:17 PM
Isle, that's the part of his profile I found most offensive too. It's borderline self-parodying.
Posted by Tarrou | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:18 PM
Karyn, both of those scenarios pass the 1/2 + 7 rule.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:26 PM
I feel like you guys are a bunch of strangers I've stumbled across discussing my hood.
Anyway, it's not that hard to write a good profile if you're, uh, a good writer. All of you guys are good at crafting online personae.
Here's the profile of the Wittgenstein fan I mentioned earlier: nervouslight. I can't link to it cuz this computer is being weird and it takes it about ten minutes to load an ad.
Or look, I'll hide my photos; read mine: teaandoranges and eat_the_peach. (I don't care if you pick the meat off my bones; I can take it).
Anyway, you just do the thing you always do: one part self aggrandizement; one part self deprecation, mix well.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:27 PM
'er, until today I've only heard one person even mention the 1/2+7 rule; must be more common than I thought...
Posted by Karyn | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:29 PM
It's impossible not to sound like a jerk in answering these questions. Especially if you're a guy. The appropriate time for answers to some of them (e.g., humbling moment) is well after she's has removed her shirt. Of course you sound like an idiot if you answer them early on; it practically implies she's committed to removing her shirt.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:31 PM
I thought those ads were nice, Tia. I mean, for my taste the mucous is a half-step too far, but it wouldn't put me off replying. Also, I'd totally make out with you if you look like Allyson Hannigan.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:35 PM
In fact, I'm frequently told I look like Allyson Hannigan, but I think it might be as much about my manner as actual physical resemblance.
And I tend to date people for whom the mucous is only the first step, so I'm okay.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:44 PM
Awesome. The magnet thing really amuses me.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:51 PM
The magnet thing is a lie, actually. I thought it would be kind of meta to lie in answer to that question. I mean, the kleptomania was real, but I wasn't that ingenious a seven year old.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:58 PM
Those are both much better than the others people have linked. I wouldn't date you because of the Harry Potter reference (well, and being married and straight and all) but I'd be ruing my irrational antipathy.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 12:59 PM
Where did this shit about age differences come from anyway? I felt that way when I was 21, obviously, but I'm older and wiser now.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 1:02 PM
I would have no hesitation about dating a hot 103-year-old.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 1:03 PM
I had the same habit with pens in high school. I remember once rushing outside at the break to spit out blue ink in the drinking fountain.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 1:07 PM
re: 49
It can introduce some pragmatic life-stage issues, but other than that, it's totally bullshit.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 1:12 PM
I would like it if you were intelligent, passionate, literate, goofy, creative, a little off-kilter, with perhaps a tendency toward melodrama but a very good sense of humor about yourself.
Check.
I would love it if you would:
go mini golfing with me
Check.
sing karaoke with me
you will regret requesting that. Check.
Malheursement, I am not on the market. You will live on though, no? There are other peches in the sea.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 1:20 PM
I am not on the market
well, nor am I, but I'm not opposed to some harmless comment-box eyelash batting.
Posted by Anonymous | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 1:35 PM
John,
Where did this shit about age differences come from anyway? I felt that way when I was 21, obviously, but I'm older and wiser now.
Here is my version of the thing, although I'm sure ogged will show me up with a freaking link to the actual discussion.
Ogged is very defensive because older guys like me have more skillz with the ladies and he doesn't like, as he puts it, "poaching." I told him that as far as I was concerned there were no age restrictions between adults. Somebody mentioned the 1/2 plus seven rule but as far as I recall Ogged's rule was basically "keep your cotton picking hands off my women, dudes."
Ogged's recollection of the matter may differ from mine in some minor (yuck yuck) areas.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 2:19 PM
Why isn't Ogged off with the 18 year olds (legal in every state!) where he belongs? They're very easily impressed.
Co-eds can be very easily impressed indeed. I once saw an older guy (25 or so) putting the big schmooze on a freshman. As I came closer, completely innocently with no intention of eavesdropping, I found that he was making a big production out of the Cartesian distinction between primary and secondary qualities.
And she was eating it up.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 2:27 PM
Well, of course there's a difference between just trying to pick someone up, and trying to find someone with whom you could have a serious relationship.
This doesn't really have a bearing on the age thing, though, except for the "pragmatic life-stage" stuff Tia mentioned.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-12-05 2:45 PM