Adam, I take your point, but my uncorrected pool vision pegs her as a good 15 years my senior. I think that's outide my range. (Plus, given that my vision is uncorrected, I don't know if she's hot.)
Generally, the Russians and the squeakers are separate. Russians you can tell just by looking (if in doubt, she's Russian), and the squeakers squeak. Why you wanna do my like this, SB?
Hm... Originally, I was going to say that it didn't matter if it was a pickup line, because she wouldn't be in the .0000000000001% of the human population that Ogged would date. Now, it appears, I'm right.
If I'm doing the math right, by Tweedle's original figure, Ogged will find one 20,000th of one person someplace on Earth acceptable. If we accept ogged's claims of heterosexuality, that figure drops to about one 40,000th.
No, she wasn't trying to pick you up. She just felt like being nice when she saw you and it was the only compliment she could muster.
Seriously, ogged, at this stage in your life, I think you should try to hook up with any woman who says anything even remotely nice to you, as in:
Woman of indeterminate (but irrelevant) hotness: "Excuse me, would you mind getting out of the way so I can save that group of small children who are in danger of burning to death?"
ogged: "But of couse, will you marry me?"
Keep trying that and you're bound to find a woman. Either that or get yourself sent to Death Row. Something on TV here tonight makes it seems like Old Sparky's future friends are just awash in hotties.
If it's not about work and I don't have $20 clasped loosely betwixt my fingers, I assume that any time a woman speaks to me, she's trying to pick me up. And to be fair, I'm pretty sure I've argued to friends that a woman was in to me under either (a) or (b).
Ogged will find one 20,000th of one person someplace on Earth acceptable.
Does this mean ogged has a 1/20,000 chance of dating a member of the species homo sapiens or that he will with certainty 1 date someone who is 1/20,000th homo sapiens?
Take your pick. I was thinking, however, that he would fall in love and marry someone's left small toenail, or their accumulated collection of gut flora.
This has the air of something you realized three hours later.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:07 PM
You just skipped ahead to the "remove speedos" step, didn't you?
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:07 PM
Also, the reply "My breaststroke is even better on land, baby" is contraindicated.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:08 PM
I concur with 1.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:14 PM
Of course I answered, "As fast, or as slow, as you desire."
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:14 PM
This just happened.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:15 PM
You're using the computer terminal beneath the springboard, naturally.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:18 PM
If you don't have bruises from the intense sex that followed on that comment, then you're a failure as a human being.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:24 PM
"Just" is used in many sense, SB.
Adam, I take your point, but my uncorrected pool vision pegs her as a good 15 years my senior. I think that's outide my range. (Plus, given that my vision is uncorrected, I don't know if she's hot.)
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:27 PM
Plus you'd need to wait for the background check, to determine if she has a heritable disposition to irremediable sadness and squeaking.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:30 PM
No no, people are dismissed in a few short seconds on those grounds.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:31 PM
You can tell a Russian squeaker just by, what, sniffing?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:32 PM
Generally, the Russians and the squeakers are separate. Russians you can tell just by looking (if in doubt, she's Russian), and the squeakers squeak. Why you wanna do my like this, SB?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:36 PM
Ogged, both times I've dallied with women that much older than myself, it was memorable. In the good way.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:37 PM
I'm sorry, ogged. I'm finding myself prone to goading today. Let us be harmonious again.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:38 PM
Hm... Originally, I was going to say that it didn't matter if it was a pickup line, because she wouldn't be in the .0000000000001% of the human population that Ogged would date. Now, it appears, I'm right.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:38 PM
Well apostropher, you raise a good point, and it's not as I have other plans.
Comity on, SB.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:39 PM
Tweedle, don't even pretend you have it figured to that many decimal places.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:40 PM
No. There are probably many more than that.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:41 PM
I miss Wolfson.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:41 PM
These butt-ass environs just aren't the same without him.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:43 PM
Soon he'll be back in school, and have lots of free time.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:44 PM
If I'm doing the math right, by Tweedle's original figure, Ogged will find one 20,000th of one person someplace on Earth acceptable. If we accept ogged's claims of heterosexuality, that figure drops to about one 40,000th.
Sounds about right.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:44 PM
22: He brings a certain discipline to the place, a firm hand that could be used in this thread.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:45 PM
A nice stroke requires a firm hand.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:48 PM
But a breast stroke requires a gentle hand. No impromptu mammograms, thanks.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 2:50 PM
Did she have a nice voice?
If her voice was nice, you could just close your eyes.
Posted by winna | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 3:19 PM
No, she wasn't trying to pick you up. She just felt like being nice when she saw you and it was the only compliment she could muster.
Seriously, ogged, at this stage in your life, I think you should try to hook up with any woman who says anything even remotely nice to you, as in:
Woman of indeterminate (but irrelevant) hotness: "Excuse me, would you mind getting out of the way so I can save that group of small children who are in danger of burning to death?"
ogged: "But of couse, will you marry me?"
Keep trying that and you're bound to find a woman. Either that or get yourself sent to Death Row. Something on TV here tonight makes it seems like Old Sparky's future friends are just awash in hotties.
Posted by peter snees | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 3:27 PM
Ok, now I'm convinced she was trying to pick me up.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 3:32 PM
They all are, ogged. They all are.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 3:40 PM
If it's not about work and I don't have $20 clasped loosely betwixt my fingers, I assume that any time a woman speaks to me, she's trying to pick me up. And to be fair, I'm pretty sure I've argued to friends that a woman was in to me under either (a) or (b).
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 4:13 PM
Fuck to oboe, what are (a) and (b)?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 4:18 PM
I think he means that even when it was for work, or he was offering $20, he still argued that the woman was into him.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 8-05 4:19 PM
Ogged will find one 20,000th of one person someplace on Earth acceptable.
Does this mean ogged has a 1/20,000 chance of dating a member of the species homo sapiens or that he will with certainty 1 date someone who is 1/20,000th homo sapiens?
Posted by ogmb | Link to this comment | 09- 9-05 12:40 AM
Take your pick. I was thinking, however, that he would fall in love and marry someone's left small toenail, or their accumulated collection of gut flora.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 09- 9-05 8:15 AM
left small toenail...gut flora
You don't know me at all, sir.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 09- 9-05 8:47 AM
Nipple tip?
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 09- 9-05 8:59 AM
Slow today, huh? Chop chop and write something for us to use to make fun of you.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 09- 9-05 9:18 AM