Re: Service

1

Does anyone ever ask you for accounting advice?

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Only Billy Joel.

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3

Leonard Cohen needs help also.

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He'll have to ask.

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Oh, I've worked retail. The last time was in a Kinko's for a couple of years in the early '90s. My estimation of the intelligence and manners of the general population has never recovered from that staggering blow. Few things in America can make you hate your fellow man more quickly.

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Unless you were wearing a name tag for the fun of it, why would she assume you worked there?

Usually the employees have a tag or manacles or something to indicate that you can ask them questions. Although I tend to grimace apologetically first and say 'I know you won't have this in the store, but do you know if you can order it?'

The answer is always no, which is the reason for the apologetic grimace.

I used to work in a Williams-Sonoma and people would always try to wrangle 'deals' on the cookware as if it were a car dealership. It was a bitter time in the life of winn.

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always try to wrangle 'deals' on the cookware

Yes, that drove me nuts. Listen dumbass, if I was important enough to have any kind of say about the prices, do you think I'd be behind this counter in an apron at three in the morning?

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Wherever we go, people always think my roommate works there. I have never had that happen to me. We were actually talking about that very topic last weekend. Her take: "I think it's because I walk with a purpose. People usually don't walk through stores with a purpose unless they work there. You walk with a purpose, too, but you look like you'd punch them in the face."

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9

This blog? I'll give you fifty.

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I -would- give them deals. If you bought an entire fourteen piece set and a five hundred dollar pot rack I would throw in an entire set of olive wood cooking utensils for free.

The utensils were about twenty bucks. The total purchase would be over two thousand. My store had a little commission program the manager ran- the twenty dollars I forked out for the utensils was a tiny part of my commission.

People are suckers.

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We are swimming in Le Crueset due to the wife's time behind the counter at a high-end cooking store.

Me, I served no-good kids froofy coffee drinks with too much whipped cream at the Mall of America, at a time when middlle america needed to have lottees and capoo, capooKEEnos explained to them. And did whipits being the counter when no one was looking. I hated people long before I took that job, but I tell you what, I came away with all of my judgements confirmed.

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I have All-Clad. If I had to evacuate and could only take a few things my All-Clad would come with me.

Or we had the women who would come in and try to get me to reduce the price on things that were already reduced. If you ever wondered why stores have signs that indicate reduced items are priced as marked, it is because of wizened old ladies who want you to take fifty percent off something that already had fifty percent taken off. I told one of them one day that I may as well pay her a dime to take it off my hands if I did that.

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13

I worked at the air and space museum, where people asked me things.

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I have served coffee on occasion, and worked at a small bookstore. But they weren't exactly hardcore sales jobs. I only worked in tiny little places that made no money, and soon went out of business. At such places, you get customers you like, who you look forward to seeing.

I imagine some other retail jobs can have their appeal. I have a great rapport with the guy that sells me coffee in the morning--he runs a little coffee and doughnut stand outside where I work. And he's always very pleasant and remembers how I take my coffee and wishes me well in my day, while retaining a certain respectful formality. It's nice. A little ritual.

It may be that businesses have to remain small, in this way, to preserve their charm.

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I'm jealous, AC. I had a coffee guy like that and he left me to go back to India. The new guy is a bastard. He keeps asking me why I have a job and am not at home having lots and lots of babies.

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text, why does your statement make me imagine how many trials those questions were?

What was the silliest question?

And my grocery store is small. I like them very much- they know what I buy and what I like, too.

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Becks, maybe you should find ac's coffee guy.

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Chopper, I'll take that le creuset off your hands if you don't want it.

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My favorite item to have seen at Williams Sonoma was an olive wood cutting board on SALE. Reg. price: $99.99. SALE price: $99.98.

I don't really understand All-Clad. It looks really nice. Quite sturdy. Stainless steel cleans up pretty well. But, coated, seasoned aluminum isn't a big deal to clean. And it conducts heat better. And it can be had at a restaurant supply store for 1/5th the price. And, you don't have to worry about beating it up. It looks better beaten up. And it all comes coated so that you don't have to worry about it being reactive. That plus some cheap cast-iron is all you need. (Le Cruset - the enamel gets in the way of heat conduction, can crack and be dangerous. Paying more for more ineffective cookware.)

Of course, if I had the money, I would be all over the copper cookware.

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I worked retail - at a Banana Republic (my friends think this is hilarious since I buy my clothes at thrift stores and Target) which lasted all of about 3 weeks. One day I left the store for my 15-minute break and never came back. Ah, it felt good. I went home, got someone to buy me a bottle of wine (I was underage at the time), and drank the whole thing, and vowed never to work retail again.

So far, so good.

Oh and about people thinking you work somewhere... when I was a counselor at a summer camp we would eat breakfast in the campus dining hall. The dining hall was always filled with conference attendees of some sort who wanted to know where the low-fat yogurt and fruit was, who all thought I worked there. I later realized these white-haired middle aged Texan ladies just assumed I worked there because I was not in high school, seemed unconfused, and look vaguely hispanic. Good times.

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Or even "less effective".

Of course, copper cookware is reactive, so you'd still need something in which to cook your acidic stuff, unless you had tinned or steel-clad copper.

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Not, you know, that I would turn down copper cookware, if someone were offering.

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Does anyone even make non-lined copper cookware?

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I've never worked retail, thank goodness. But I have spent long hours hand-sorting minute industrial doodads from other minute industrial doodads. Actually that job wasn't so bad. The doodads and I had an understanding.

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I might could afford these.

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Does anyone even make non-lined copper cookware?

Outside of bowls, probably not, actually.

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sil, I actually worked Abercrombie back in HS, and am right now wearing a shirt I bought at Target. I mostly worked in the back, and so didn't deal with much. (Not that many people could identify A&F employees anyway, since we wore no nametags.) I did have one old woman shopping for her son about Christmas, who wanted "Abercrombie pants." It took a lone while to explain to her the problem with her request.

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"sil"?

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People are always asking me questions in stores and the like. I must look friendly. Or maybe my general air of harrassed detachment closely resembles that of normal clerks.

I worked in fast food for a long, bitter time.

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I went in Banana Republic once.

I saw an adorable little plaid skirt.

It was two hundred dollars for roughly one foot of fabric.

I fled.

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ben,

sil-vana

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I actually have a very cute sleeveless black dress from B. Republic that I bought when they made me buy stuff. It's one of two dresses I own, so it gets a lot of wear.

Of course, that was with the 50% discount, and I still found it exorbitant.

But yeah. I went in there recently and had to get out fast, fast, fast as I could. Unfortunately, this whole lawyer thing means I know have to shop at places I fucking hate. I wish one could order suits online and have them actually fit.

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know = now. jesus, can't type today.

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That is the good thing about being a analyst at a bank. I wear achewood shirts and cargo pants to work.

I do have to spend a lot of time explaining the shirts, though. You don't have to do that so much with suits.

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achewood! I'm wearing an achewood shirt now!

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My friend and I had a meeting with some lawyers at the ACLU today and she was wearing a shirt that said "You say tomato, I say fuck you." Unfortunately, she was wearing it inside out.

Well I always end up wearing cryptic band shirts to school which I have to explain anyway. I quit wearing them when I had to teach lab cause it just gave the students an excuse to stare at my breasts for long periods of time.

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You're supposed to have an excuse for that?

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Some people haven't gotten the memo.

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Which one, bw?

My favorite has to be 'What we need more of is science', although my bunny ambulance shirt is in frequent rotation.

Cryptic band shirts are good. I like the spam shirts, too. Have you seen them?

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MEMORANDUM

TO guys

FROM boobs

RE quit it already

we mean it.

love,

boobs

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I would never stare at your bqqbies uninvited, silvana.

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42

Lyle's genuine california achewater, winna.

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I wish I had gotten one of the "it is impossible to have a good day" or "what the HELL people" shirts when they still existed.

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Chopper, I'll take that le creuset off your hands if you don't want it.

The wife would flay me alive. And this is the best braising pot I've ever had. Conducts heat evenly. Holds heat well, even at low flame. And cleans up pretty easily. We've had these pans for a decade, Michael, and we're pretty serious cooks. The skillet is not so hot (too heavy, not as versatile as our All-Clad lidded skillet), but every other piece of Le Crueset we own has been worth it (note thaat my wife got these things for cheap through some employee incentive program). I don't even understand how you would chip the enamel, but if you did, it's got a lifetime warranty, so....

Le Crueset dutch oven; All-Clad skillet; Wusthof 8" chef's knife, paring knife and kitchen shears; and the Microplane zester. These are the essentials.

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MEMORANDUM

TO boobs

FROM guys

RE quit it already

we don't understand. let's meet.

regards,

guys

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46

MEMORANDUM

TO boobs

FROM guys

RE quit it already

ADDENDUM:

A-ooga! A-oooga! Honk! Honk!


what?

regards,

guys

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A chef's knife should be 10", minimum.

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I am a partisan of Global knives.

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Becks, what? I agree with Chopper re: length. Besides, I would never own a knife longer than my dick.

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Nah. A chef's knife should be the size that feels right in the hand. The big knives are too damn awkward--no finesse. This knife has enough curve to it that I can rock through herbs, is light to make mincing a breeze, has enough finesse to make boning out a chicken a breeze. And the blade holds a razor edge.

It doesn't cleave particularly well, but I rarely need to cleave, and the kitchen shears mentioned above do an admirable job clipping through most of the bones I need to cut.

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You've probably already guessed that I do all my cutting with a machete.

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MEMORANDUM

To: guys

From: boobs

Hi; How are you. Thank you for your request that we meet. I am sorry that we will not be able to set up a meeting at this time. I'm afraid your AOOGAs have not been well-received by our PR department.

We apologize for the confusion, and remain, etc.

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Permission to ogle bqqbies requested, ma'am

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I imagine you might find that rather difficult, from where you are.

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I always though the big knives were unnecessary and awkward until I took a professional knife skills class that taught that chopping should involve a horizontal motion instead of a vertical one. All of the vertical force should come from the weight of the knife. The longer knife gives you a longer vertical motion and more weight, which (counterintuitively) means less stress on your arm because the knife and gravity do the work instead of you pushing down. I love my 10" Wusthof and would have sprung for the 12" extra-heavy had I been able to afford it.

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longer horizontal motion, not longer vertical motion

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longer horizontal motion, not longer vertical motion

maybe we can append that to the memo.

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MEMORANDUM

TO guys

FROM wongs

RE covert ops

you know what to do.

sincerely,

wongs

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MEMORANDUM

To: boobs

From: gentlemen

Re: Terminology Clarification

Assorted Offers Of Genuine Admiration!

Helpful Obsequious Notes of Kindness!

What did you think we meant?

KR

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MEMORANDUM

TO wongs

FROM hashimotos

RE covert ops

we don't take orders from you.

sincerely,

hashimotos

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Becks, I could see what you're saying if my counters were 2" lower. The motion you're describing makes my shoulder ache just thinking about it.

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MEMORANDUM

TO gentlemen

FROM boobs

RE Terminology Clarification

Unfortunately, our policies do not allow us to accept obsequiousness at this time. Genuine admiration, however, is appreciated.

Please refer to our charter, article II, § 4, for further explanation.

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MEMORANDUM

TO: commenters

FROM: ben wolfson

RE: memoranda

Ok, let's cut it out.

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The Times did a comparison of Global and German knives a few years ago.

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Sure, but WMYBSALB?

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Ah, Chopper, I see. I guess there are other factors at work.

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That article blew.

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So you liked it?

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Very funny, ogged.

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ogged, that's kinda hot.

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Bridgeplate made me do it.

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Ogged, if you're going to mess around with the stylesheets, how about preserving comment formatting and links in your comments.xml feed while you're at it. It must be possible - Tom manages to do it. Not as fun as memo-fy-ing everything but it would be very appreciated.

(I told you I'm high-maintenance)

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If Tom is moved to give me his code, I'll be happy to use it. (Is his posts and comments or just comments?)

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while we're making unfogged requests, is it possible to have comments from a post open in a new window always, and not sometimes in the same window that comments from another post are already in?

or does this annoy no one else?

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And, poof! It's gone. So the three people who accessed the site in the last 5 minutes will know what I'm talking about.

Tom's is just comments. I like the posts and comments format but find some conversations hard to follow without links, formatting, or linebreaks (it's hard to identify poetry or quoted text without them.) But still, the comments feed is awesome. My productivity at work has never been lower.

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slivana, I think that's a browser setting.

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Becks, I'll try to get the code from Tom and see what I can do. I'm a total amateur with XML.

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If you want to send me a copy, I can try to tinker. I am theoretically a software developer.

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Sent. Thanks.

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My only retail job was selling crystals in a rocks/fossils/jewelry store during the semester I took off while transferring from one college to another (or, rather, while desperately hoping that someone would take me after I'd dropped out). I read all the books they had, and got into doing the stupid crystal schtick in a completely over-the-top fashion:

"Wow, this piece of smoky quartz like, totally resonated when you walked in? Have you been having, like, issues at work that you need to work through?"

Then one day a woman came in and asked what kind of crystals were good for mind and brain problems, and I told her that amethyst was, like, totally in harmony with the third-eye chakra, and sold her a very nice big hunk of uncut amethyst in its matrix. As I was wrapping it up for her she told me that she was going to go heal her friend who had inoperable brain cancer, and I wanted to, but didn't, say "Lady, please don't do it. Don't bother a genuinely sick person with some idiot remedy you had prescribed by a 19 year old clerk in a gift store who was putting you on." I quit a couple of days later -- that incident took all the fun out of the routine.

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LizardBreath - you have integrity. I applaud you.

And ogged - Not so strange; chicks dig me, after all. - you are finally starting to get it. Bravo!

I started out with delivery jobs - newspaper and then pizzas. I saw a lot of "interesting" stuff delivering pizzas in the mid-70's. A real eye-opener for a high schooler.

Through college it was all machine shop work. Chicago-style blue collar stuff. Ogged knows the type. That buffed up my masculine facade.

Finish that off with white collar computer programming and is it any wonder I'm drawn to theatre? Too bad there is no money in it.

My next dream is to open a theatre that does well enough to pay the actors something. Probably not equity, not at the start, but something.

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ogged, I just googled for "movable type comment rss template" in order to get the code I have. That should turn up what you need. If not, I can email you my template -- just let me know. It's possible to make a comments-only feed, or a comments+posts feed.

And, on topic: every time I go to Home Depot I seem to mistake a customer for an employee, and feel really guilty about it -- even though, on one occasion, the guy was methodically going through the store, scanning every product's barcode with a handheld pda thingy. I'm not sure what that was about.

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Ha! That's what I did. In any case, thanks, but it seems that Becks has managed to tweak the code to her satisfaction.

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Becks has managed to tweak the code to her satisfaction

This sounds like a euphemism.

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Noooo! We were this close to having a comments feed.

*grump*

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Wait, do you want a comments-only feed?

Apo, see paragraph 5 here.

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You know there's a posts+comments feed, right?

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Apo, see paragraph 5 here.

"a guy who lit up when I showed him the three shelves full of Canon in D" ... and that's not a euphemism.

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Ogged, we've had this conversation twice before (at least). The comments feed I have in mind would be just like the one for posts, but would syndicate each comment as a self-contained item. This request was, in fact, the subject of the first email I ever sent you. The second time it came up, I pointed you to the MT code to make it happen, and for my trouble I was accused of being a blogger.

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Try it out, SB:

http://www.unfogged.com/bridgeplate.rdf

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Thanks, ogged! It's nearly perfect—right now, each item URL points to the main page instead of the comment it belongs to.

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I suppose you want me to fix that.

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I will totally be your best friend infinity if you do.

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What's in it for me?

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God will smite your enemies.

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96

Ok then, working on it.

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97

Duck, everybody!

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Well, the quick solution didn't work, and now I have to go do something else, which, as you might guess, means that it'll probably never happen, but keep hope alive.

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Will do.

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I guess all the luster has gone out of declaring 100.

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Yeah, but someone will still come along to make sure that there's only one thread with exactly 100 comments.

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102

<Klink>Weiner!</Klink>

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