Re: Bested

1

Some possibilities.

(a) Penfold's is the only good Shiraz (or the only good Shiraz available in Oggedville). If you liked your Shiraz, it was Penfold's.

(b) All cool / pointy-headed / Alsation people drink / like Penfolds.

(c) He's psychic (wee-ooo) or spying on you (dun-dun-DUN).

horizontal rule
2

he recognized the stain on your shirt? you should brush your teeth more regularly?

I'm a bit of a Shiraz fan, and have never heard of Penfolds (which says more about me than it does the wine, trust me), so I'm glad I can still stump people I'll never meet.

horizontal rule
3

You know what they say about Iranians and shirazes.

horizontal rule
4

(a) Penfold's is the only good Shiraz (or the only good Shiraz available in Oggedville). If you liked your Shiraz, it was Penfold's.

Penfolds is what I would have guessed, too, since it's so common. Either that or Rosemount Estates.

horizontal rule
5

Ask him what bin number you had.

horizontal rule
6

wine connoisseur goober

horizontal rule
7

What Josh said. Penfold's is the standard grocery store shiraz (along with Rosemount). I suspect you may have just been mocked as a philistine, Ogged.

horizontal rule
8

I would have bet on Colt 45 and a gullible, grasping Iranian.

horizontal rule
9

Maybe it's stereotypically iranian to drink penfolds.

horizontal rule
10

A good critic knows a mark when he sees one. A real goober does, too.

horizontal rule
11

Occam's Razor demands that we regard this man as an obsessed stalker.

horizontal rule
12

If by any chance you bet him your daughters hand in marriage versus both of his houses that he couldn't name it, I know how he figured it out. Reference also explained here, though not if you heed the spoiler warning, as you should.

horizontal rule
13

I'm missing a possessive above.

horizontal rule
14

7: For a moment I was thinking, "liking penfolds doesn't make one a philistine." However, thinking to recommend Penfolds to a wine goober does make one a philistine. The question, then, is how did this guy know that Ogged is a philistine? Perhaps Ogged has recommended his discoveries before. ("Really, try Yellow Tail!")

Anyway, your only recourse out of philistine-hood is to clarify that it was a rarer Penfolds. [Grange/RWT/St Henri/Bin 389/Bin 28]

horizontal rule
15

I quite like the Penfold's port I've had, especially for the price. I can't say the same for the Shiraz, as Rosemount seems to be the cheap Shiraz of choice in Minnesota.

horizontal rule
16

"A rarer Penfolds"? He's in a hole, and you hand him a shovel?

horizontal rule
17

I'm sure your wine goober friend never once considered that it was a Grange. Too bad you didn't have that riposte at the ready. He'd have turned all manner of green with envy.

horizontal rule
18

Present company excluded, of course, I find wine snobbery to be really silly.

horizontal rule
19

I'd like to see this goober's Salon personal. Thinking back on the tool and the prick.

horizontal rule
20

Yes, for the price, Penfold's is a good bargain and reliable. The high end Penfold's(es) are worth the money, but you won't find them in grocery stores. At least not in Apostropherville.

I find wine snobbery to be really silly

I don't think I'm particularly snobby about it, but the more I drink, the easier it is to understand why some go for so much more money than others. Find a properly aged brunello or barolo from a good vintage and you will, too.

horizontal rule
21

The Masterpiece Theater adaptation of the Mineshaft will be called The Tool and the Prick.

horizontal rule
22

Joe, I don't see how your statement leaves room to exclude the present company.

horizontal rule
23

And the storybook version, Tool and Prick are Friends.

horizontal rule
24

hmmmm I would normally take your side on this one but mate, Penfolds?

horizontal rule
25

"Present company excluded, of course"

Wow. Can one actually do that?

Present company excluded, of course, you're all gay cheese-eating electric-donkey-bottom-wipers.

horizontal rule
26

More parsing on "electric-donkey-bottom-wipers," please.

horizontal rule
27

His guess wasn't really so psychic: as has been noted, Penfolds is the best default shiraz guess, and I was shopping at the wine store he recommended to me, and he knew the price range. What is remarkable is that that still leaves about six wines I might have purchased, and I, a total wine noob, picked Penfolds. A triumph for labeling and pretty fonts and colors, I imagine.

horizontal rule
28

Wait, did you just call me cheese-eating?

horizontal rule
29

Could you please fully parenthesize "electric-donkey-bottom-wipers"?

horizontal rule
30

Dude, we should totally write the screenplay. If somebody could make money off of Closer which, at least in the play version had a lot of internet stuff, then so should we.

horizontal rule
31

Too bad you didn't have that riposte at the ready. He'd have turned all manner of green with envy.

Will Ogged lie awake in bed tonight imagining the delightful outcome of having bested the wine goober with that comeback? Will he carefully parse the phrasing and the timing so as to deliver the little bomb with the greatest nuance and nonchalance, that it may explode with the greatest efficiency? Will he picture the irises of the condescending eyes of the wine nerd suddenly dialting, doubling in size, as his mind reels with the sudden revelation of his inferiority, and his tongue goes dry with jealousy?

He'll have to let us know if he does.

horizontal rule
32

I assume we're talking about people who wipe the bottoms of electric donkeys, rather than electric people who wipe the bottoms of (non-electric) donkeys. The latter would just be weird.

horizontal rule
33

28: No! Joe, I blame you if Chopper blames me.

horizontal rule
34

Ok, ok. How's this: most wine snobs I've met are real douchebags, but no one here seems to be.

horizontal rule
35

28: no, no, you were excluded.

I would normally take your side on this one but mate, Penfolds?

I like Penfolds. Of course, I may be a philistine. And I'm ok with that.

horizontal rule
36

MIchael, did you write that comment on purpose so as to include about 12 separate activities commonly performed at The Mineshaft? I think you did.

horizontal rule
37

36 to 31

horizontal rule
38

27 opens the possibility that he's friends with the the storekeeps.

horizontal rule
39

36: I wouldn't dream of spoling the fun by giving a definitive answer.

horizontal rule
40

You know what Penfold's reminds me of:

Oh crumbs! Oh crikey! Oh carrots!

horizontal rule
41

Yellow Tail wasn't always shit. You know, before they started moving a billion bottles a year. Where I live, I would have guessed Yellow Tail or Penfolds. However, it's less likely that would forget the name if you had bought Yellow Tail.

horizontal rule
42

We have more than two choices. There are at least:

1. (electric ((donkey bottom) wipers)))

2. ((electric donkey) (bottom wipers))

3. ((electric (donkey bottom)) wipers)

4. (((electric donkey) bottom) wipers)

Saiselgy's examples are 4 and 1, with 4 his preference. I agree that 1 is ridiculous. But let's not give short shrift to the electric donkeys who wipe bottoms, or to the wipers of electric bottoms of otherwise non-electric donkeys.

horizontal rule
43

Penfolds: won third prize in a Penfolds tastealike competition.

horizontal rule
44

Good show, DM!

horizontal rule
45

Another possibility is that pdf23ds forgot a hyphen between "eating" and "electric", and in addition to the permutations SB listed, there is another set wherein you are not all eating cheese, but rather a cheese who eats (1), (2), (3), or (4). Also, perhaps pdf meant to imply that you were of sanguine temper, not that you were Mineshaft denizens. Mysteries abound.

horizontal rule
46

Danger Mouse came to the mall once to have his picture taken with his adoring public. Well, it wasn't really Danger Mouse. It was one of his helpers.

horizontal rule
47

I resent having been too young to fully appreciate Danger Mouse when it was actually on Nickelodeon.

horizontal rule
48

Re 45: No, I meant the hyphen between "eating" and "electric". But now that you mention it, I think I forgot a hyphen between "gay" and "cheese".

horizontal rule
49

Not one comment on the Penfoldy bits? You people are losing your edge.

horizontal rule
50

Our edge, or our inclination to sexualize cartoon hamsters. Same difference?

horizontal rule
51

At what point does being knowledgable about wine cross the line into snobbery? Sez me, it shouldn't have to do with how much you know, but rather how insufferable you are. If your friend can still drink Merlot (though it be trendy) or enjoy a good table wine (though its appellation be not controlled), then he's probably not a snob in the sense I propose.

horizontal rule
52

I second SB's formulation.

horizontal rule
53

Just to warn you all, I am this close to commenting in bad French. Hon, hon, hon!

horizontal rule
54

I'm personally on a quest for a drinkable box wine (no, I'm not kidding).

Any suggestions? (Of the commonly available reds, I prefer cabs, of the commonly available white, I think the wife and I have settled on chardonnay.)

horizontal rule
55

51. I don't know much about wine. I'm not, therefore, a wine snob, though I may be a real snob in other respects, since I'm from Boston, AND I really don't care for most Merlot.

(My grandfather always ordered white zinfandel about which I used to tease him lightly--more because no matter what that's what he ordered. He spent most of his life drinking a cocktail.)

horizontal rule
56

I recently heard a definition of snob in se that went, someone who can hear the William Tell Overture and not think of the Lone Ranger. I'm trying to think of the vinous equivalent.

horizontal rule
57

I find wine snobbery to be really silly

I can deal with wine snobbery, but finding hints of hazelnut in beer is gooberville.

horizontal rule
58

Chopper--it's not a box wine, but have you tried 2 buck chuck from Trader Joe's? It goes for about $3 or $4 in states other than California. I've heard that the quality varies from bottle to bottle.

horizontal rule
59

ogmb--I kind of like belgian ales, and some of those are pleasantly spiced.

horizontal rule
60

Cardamom!

horizontal rule
61

Him: That's ok, I know what you had.

Flaunting is insufferable. Snobba-dobba-doo.

horizontal rule
62

That was just good-natured office banter.

horizontal rule
63

SB--he might not have been flaunting. It might just be that his brain is like a vacuum, and he remembers everything.

horizontal rule
64

vinous equivalent

Should that be oenous?

horizontal rule
65

re 64. Well done Choper!

horizontal rule
66

bg: We don't have Trader Joe's in Minnesota, because our grocery stores aren't allowed to sell wine.

horizontal rule
67

After further swishing and swirling, I'm detecting faint pot-kettle notes in 61.

horizontal rule
68

As in, Oenous Slaughter?

Not in my dictionary, anyway.

horizontal rule
69

After further swishing and swirling

If you're swishing and swirling, I think we have other notes previously undetected.

horizontal rule
70

Not in my dictionary, anyway.

There is however "oenophilist" and as is presently evident, "oenomania"; "oenogen" and, fair being fair, "oenophobist".

horizontal rule
71

66: did Minnesota try to bar mail-order imports too?

horizontal rule
72

previously undetected

Not quite. I can't find the link, but ogged at least has me figured for a homo kind of sexual.

horizontal rule
73

If your friend can still drink Merlot (though it be trendy)

Isn't it almost a bit rebellious now to order a Merlot after that scene in Sideways? Or is that effect wearing off.

Of course, that scene brings up perfectly what is really annoying about snobbering. Many snobs aren't really conoisseurs, but wanna-bes.

horizontal rule
74

Not that I'm aware of, no.

horizontal rule
75

What happens in Sideways? Whatever it is, the Merlot thing predates it.

horizontal rule
76

a useful rule of thumb is that if it was made from grapes grown north of Reims, south of Dijon, east of Metz or west of Paris, don't bother with it.

horizontal rule
77

ogged at least has me figured

I've seen hints that you might be queer, but "swishing and swirling" is something I would only attribute to gay men.

horizontal rule
78

Whatever it is, the Merlot thing predates it.

Right. Merlot's are very popular. In one scene in Sideways, Giamti's character, a wine goober, violently threatens to leave a up-coming dinner date if anyone orders a Merlot. It's a scene which demonstrates that nerosis of the character, but many people mistook it for a slam on the quality of Merlot, and sales of Merlot plummeted.

horizontal rule
79

SHorter dquared: I like my oenous experiences to be French.

horizontal rule
80

SB: The oenophile can't stand Merlot. He likes Pinot Noir. His buddy who's getting married swigs down anything and pronounces it all good. He's not discriminating at all.

Buddy guy wants to pick up chicks for dinner. He says, "We're going to go out and have a good time, and if they want to drink Merlot, then we're fucking drinking Merlot."

horizontal rule
81

Anyway, see Sideways.

horizontal rule
82

It should be noted that dsquared's formula restricts one to considerably less than all of France.

horizontal rule
83

That's champagne country, isn't it? Maybe something else to the south?

horizontal rule
84

It's rather ridiculous to reject Merlot based on the neuroses of a fictional character, but reportedly that's what happened anyway. Too trendy to slur, "Oh, nothing but pinot."

I think it used to be 'ABC' for 'Anything But Chardonnay' as the descriptor for the same sort of trendy wannabe oenophile.

horizontal rule
85

Some of the most highly sought after wines in the world are 100% merlot.

horizontal rule
86

apostropher, I don't doubt it. I just generally don't care for them. I'm mainly a dry sherry person myself.

horizontal rule
87

I know next to nothing about wine. That is what other friends are for.

horizontal rule
88

I'm going to get my boxers in a bunch about yet another moral issue, and yet again it's going to be totally unprecipitated by anything in the comment thread. It's going to be fun.

Okay here it goes: Sideways is the perfect exemplar of movies in which you're supposed to root for a woman to wind up with a guy who is about .23 good enough for her. She is beautiful, smart, kind, patient, passionate, directed and she works in wine country, an area likely to be frequented by lots of accomplished, successful men who share her passion, in a job which would make her visible to them. He is a depressed alcoholic who gets drunk and calls his ex on their first date. I did wind up rooting for PG to get her because he was the protagonist, but it sure seems like it's more common to be asked to root for women to rescue a total schlub than the other way around. And just on a pure realism front, can anyone say that they seriously think their female friend would be so supportive of a continuing relationship with a guy who had behaved that way on the first date? I think not.

horizontal rule
89

Wasn't that a pretty common criticism of the movie?

horizontal rule
90

Not that you can't make it too.

horizontal rule
91

I never heard it from anyone else. But I pretty much live in the Mineshaft these days.

horizontal rule
92

Not exactly definitive, but a start.

horizontal rule
93

Ah, but my critique had oaky undertones of generalizing to a prejudice that afflicts many movies, and subtle hints of noting that the friends support was the most dubious part of the scenario. Philistine.

horizontal rule
94

Given the tone of my 90 and 92, Tia, I submit that I don't deserve your abuse.

horizontal rule
95

That criticisim may be common. However the behavior it is critiquing (movies asking the audience to root for pairings between attractive [young] women and unatractive men) is so much more common that, clearly, the criticism is not having sufficient effect and deserves to be repeated.

horizontal rule
96

the criticism is not having sufficient effect

And thank god for that, because if Kathy Bates takes her clothes off one more time, I'm swearing off movies.

horizontal rule
97

I don't deserve your abuse.

at The Mineshaft?

horizontal rule
98

at The Mineshaft?

No, that would be, "I can't take your abuse until 9, when Fontana's shift ends."

horizontal rule
99

I think that some of the stupid stuff and nudity in movies comes from trying to get men to go to movies at all. The Porkies movies are sort of a baseline.

horizontal rule
100

a useful rule of thumb is that if it was made from grapes grown north of Reims, south of Dijon, east of Metz or west of Paris, don't bother with it.

Bordeaux = teh crud?

Down the toilet you go, 1961 Chateau Latour.

horizontal rule
101

I'm going to get my boxers in a bunch

I pretty much live in the Mineshaft these days.

I think mineshaft rules exclude the wearing of boxers.

Anyway, I hadn't heard the critique in 88. I never read any reviews of Sideways.

horizontal rule
102

101!

horizontal rule
103

A day late, a dollar short.

horizontal rule
104

I think mineshaft rules exclude the wearing of boxers.

Not so, ShaftNoob.

horizontal rule
105

Misstating the Mineshaft rules. You know the penalty: an hour on the Tower of Power. Assume the position.

horizontal rule
106

Sometimes, Apostropher, it does show that you were in a fraternity.

horizontal rule
107

grapes grown north of Reims, south of Dijon, east of Metz or west of Paris

No Loire Valley wines for you, dsquared? Even though I've almost never seen them at a fair price in the US, Saumur-Champigny is a very decent wine. And, contrary to rumors, there are some drinkable German white wines--you just have to be, um, flexible, and don't stray out of the Moselle. And, um, Bordeaux? Medoc? Cahors? Even Bergerac has its moments!

People, don't listen to dsquared!

horizontal rule
108

I have a big oenous.

They say that the wine from which it's mandated cognac be made is of rather poor quality, which is why Germain-Robin, for instance, has in principle an advantage over cognac distilleries.

horizontal rule
109

Yes, yes, I'm not so much a wine snob as a oenoweenie.

horizontal rule
110

That is, all cognac made has to be made from that wine. It's not true that all of that kind of wine is mandated to be made into cognac.

horizontal rule
111

Thanks for clearing that up, Ben.

horizontal rule
112

Just here to help.

horizontal rule
113

I kind of like belgian ales, and some of those are pleasantly spiced.

Hey, somebody brought up Belgium!

The beers here, the one's I've tried so far, anyway, (there's hundreds of 'em), are very impressive, by the way.

horizontal rule
114

Mills!

Ok, I'm totally going to bed, but thought you might like a non-delayed response. How's Belgium besides the beer?

horizontal rule
115

Hey, Mills. The signature on this comment of yours makes me think you've aligned yourself with the Walloons. Is it true?

horizontal rule
116

Hey, somebody brought up Belgium!

It happens.

horizontal rule
117

Bringing Up Belgium, a screwball comedy.

horizontal rule
118

Up With (Belgian) People!

horizontal rule
119

At the Mineshaft Belgium, it's nonstop Bruggery, Bruggery, Bruggery—you'll have your fill of Brussels sprouts until you just Ghent take another.

horizontal rule
120

At the Mineshaft Belgium, Leuven someone's Mons is a Hasselt--the regulars will consider you Antwerp.

horizontal rule
121

So far I'm digging Belgium. I seem to have only met Wallons so far, and they seem fine with me, but that doesn't mean I have anything against those rotten stinking Flemish (which by the way reminds me of this).

Seriously though, the beer's good (you could definitely do a Beer of the Day club here and not get through everything in a year, probably not even through everything good), the food's good, there's an incredible range of high quality but not particularly expensive produce and foodstuffs around at the neighborhood farmers markets, so the cooking's good, and the weather has been fine so far (Brussels has a reputation for being a rainy grey city).

The people seem friendly too, even those in menial jobs seem quick with a smile and a "Bonjour!" If anything, in Brussels folks are too quick to switch to English when I stumble for a word in French. I understand about 95% of what's said to me, and reading's no problem, but my speaking is taking a while to get back up to speed.

The funny thing is that I keep speaking Chinese by mistake. It's like I have this drawer in my brain where I put all my foreign languages, and since Chinese was the last thing I put in there, it's the first to come out. I did actually appropriately speak some Chinese with the staff of a Chinese restaurant the other day, but in general it seems that the average Belgian's mastery of Chinese is woefully lacking.

horizontal rule
122

Have I ever told you that guys who pretend to have been to China are totally hott?

horizontal rule
123

Yes you have, ogged. Over and over again.

I'm still not going to sleep with you.

I mean, if apostropher finds you boring . . .

horizontal rule
124

The apostropher sets a high bar for excitement.

horizontal rule
125

Huh.

Then how come you keep telling everyone that, after a few glasses of wine, he'll drop his pants for the easter bunny?

horizontal rule
126

It takes sexy lighting too, Mitch. I'm not a whore.

horizontal rule
127

Come on then, apostropher, show us your tits!

horizontal rule
128

It's a bit early in the day for wine.

horizontal rule
129

Ah, Rochefort! $7 a bottle here, and certainly not as good.

horizontal rule
130

Re: 124 -

OT, but is "teabagging" the wierdest, wrongest thing ever? I can't really think of another standard prank that creeps me out more.

horizontal rule
131

show us your tits!

Oh, okay.

is "teabagging" the wierdest, wrongest thing ever?

Tim, Tim, Tim. Such a lack of imagination.

horizontal rule
132

It's a bit early in the day for wine.

Oh, you and your stupid "no wine before 10am rule". What a puritan!

show us your tits!

Oh, okay.

You can't fool me, apostropher. Those aren't your tits.

horizontal rule
133

A cautionary tale from Wikipedia:

This practice can potentially backfire when the victim unexpectedly wakes up and clenches down upon the "teabag".

Think twice, pranksters!

horizontal rule
134

Wow, is there nothing Wikipedia doesn't know?

horizontal rule
135

Wiki wiki wiki scratch.

From Wikipedia's entry on "Mineshaft gap":

Essentially, once a Soviet "doomsday" weapon has been irreversibly activated, it is proposed that a small nucleus of survivors could live out the resulting 100-year long nuclear winter in the nation's deepest mineshafts. There, using hydroponics and nuclear power, life could be maintained. Meanwhile, they repopulate the country within a century; the survivors sent inside would consist of a ratio of ten women to every one man, regrettably ending monogamy.

However, General Turgidson points out to the President at the end that this would not make a significant difference in Soviet expansionist policy: the Soviets would try to tunnel into and take over American mineshaft-space, giving the Soviets the room to breed more prodigiously than the Americans, thus overwhelming them with greater numbers when they emerge from underground after the nuclear winter ends. Turgidson adamantly declares that America "cannot allow a Mineshaft gap!"

horizontal rule
136

apo, beware. i think ogged has been trying to tunnel into your mineshaft space, perhaps with labs' collusion. in fact, i have in my hand (among other things) a list of people who are trying to deprive you of your rightful mineshaft space, and it includes wolfson (natch), mills, washerdryer and SB. as far as i can tell, lizardbreath is a fifth columnist. i'd show you the list, but if you saw it, you'd have to be killed. sorry about that. doin' my best, after all.

horizontal rule
137

In what things besides your hand do you have this list?

horizontal rule