Re: Your Celebrity News Source

1

Those poor children deserve an exemption from any estate tax, because they're going to need all of that money for therapy.

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2

a promoter comes up with the idea that [Rocky] should fight the heavyweight champion, Mason 'The Line' Dixon.

Aw, ogged. That's just a gag article.

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3

whatever studio this is, I hope it hurts from these films. The money would be better spent set aflame and inserted into my ass.

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4

3: "Explosive!" - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

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5

Man, text, you're insatiable! I mean, weren't the altoids enough?

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6

altoids dissolve so quickly. The tingly feeling only lasts an hour or so, and if you double up, a package only suffices for so long.

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7

altoids dissolve so quickly.

Not if you leave them in the tin.

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8

3: "Explosive!" - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

"Keeps you on the edge of your seat!" - Gene Shalit

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9

"Two thumbs up!" - Ebert & Roper

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10

you mean: "Two thumbs waaaay up!" - Ebert & Roper

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11

"Though it begins at a furious pace, it soon loses steam and direction. A fumbling, confused performance, ending abruptly, with little pay-off." David Denby.

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12

"Did you know that I drink my own urine?" Stephanie Zacherak.

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13

"The sizzling performances will have you screaming and running around the theater. Or they will for text, anyhow. Bring the kids and vote Republican." - Michael Medved

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14

If I read this correctly, Fafnir absolves ogged.

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15

Actually, it's "Roeper".

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16

Actually, it's "Roeper".

Oops! So it is. My mistake. "Roper" has been much on my mind of late, as it's your mom's latest nickname for me.

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17

I didn't know you were into autoerotic asphyxiation, Joe.

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18

One of my teaching assistants died in his office of autoerotic asphyxiation.

He was a nice guy. I sleeped through the final and he let me take it anyway.

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19

sleeped?

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20

He didn't say he passed the final.

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21

Ms. Zach/arek is quite impressive to have overcome this urine drinking problem to write some fairly good criticism.

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22

Sure -- Ms. Zacharek writes some good criticism, and some mediocre criticism -- but Ms. Zacherak only drinks her own urine all day.

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23

Zacharek, quod candidos habet dentes,

renidet usque quaque. Si ad rei ventum est

subsellium, cum orator excitat fletum,

renidet ille; si ad pii rogum fili

lugetur, orba cum flet unicum mater,

renidet ille. Quidquid est, ubicumque est,

quodcumque agit, renidet: hunc habet morbum,

neque elegantem, ut arbitror, neque urbanum.

Quare monendum est te mihi, bone Egnati.

Si urbanus esses aut Sabinus aut Tiburs

aut pinguis Vmber aut obesus Etruscus

aut Lanuvinus ater atque dentatus

aut Transpadanus, ut meos quoque attingam,

aut quilubet, qui puriter lavit dentes,

tamen renidere usque quaque te nollem:

nam risu inepto res ineptior nulla est.

Nunc Celtiber es: Celtiberia in terra,

quod quisque minxit, hoc sibi solet mane

dentem atque russam defricare gingivam,

ut quo iste vester expolitior dens est,

hoc te amplius bibisse praedicet loti.

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24

I knew high school latin would come in handy:

you're celtiberian: and in celtiberia

in the mornings everyone generally uses whatever he has pissed

to run down his teeth and his gums,

so that the more polished those teeth of yours are

the more deeply does this tell us you have drunk of your own piss.

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