17

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered info theory,

Browsing weblogs, searching stores of ill-begotten lore;

From one I hosted for my thinking, suddenly there came a ringing,

As of some one gently pinging, pinging me with e-mail galore.

‘Tis some commenter,' I muttered, ‘pinging me with e-mail galore -

Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak November,

And Bitch readers wrought their arguments upon the comments floor.

Eagerly I wished to ban, one commenter gone out of hand

On a blog post on abortion - for his comments were a chore

That commenter named Deignan, Paul, whose spoofing comments were a chore -

Not to comment here for evermore.

And the silken rambling syntax of each e-mail in my inbox

Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that to still my heart's fast beating, his words I stood repeating,

`Have you figured out that you have made a pretty big error yet?

I would like to offer you the chance to save yourself some professional embarrassment.

Thirty minutes until your reply, I must implore.'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

`Paul,' wrote I, `or Deignan, your threat carries no store;

The fact is to the blog I'm hosting, you came in with comments roasting,

Flaming, trolling, you came spoofing, spoofing your IP I'm sure,

Or so I thought, and thought it poor - as is my right

I banned you then, for ever more.'

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting Deignan's claims to out me, claims no reader dared before

About his case he had not spoken, and his weblog gave no token,

And the only clue that Paul was postin' was the whispered, `Libelor!'

This he posted, and in response to queries, `Libelor!'

Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the comments turning, all my soul within me burning,

Therein the debate churning somewhat louder than before.

`For Christ's sake,' said I, `if suit he's bringing;

Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -

‘Tis a Mineshaft wind and nothing more!'

Open here I did Explorer to the blog of my destroyer,

And there met a stately image from the saintly days of yore.

From the dubious choice in glasses; to the logic like molasses;

But, with mien of lord or lady, his steely gaze into the fore -

Posted there a bust of Deignan's grinning gaze into the fore -

Grinning, and gazing, and nothing more.

Then this stony face beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the snarky, stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

`Though your suit is surely bullshit, you,' I said, `in public pushed it.

If a libel suit and trial's what you really have in store -

Tell me what your attorney's name is on the Night's Tom Hi/ldean shore!'

Quoth the Deignan, `Nevermore.'

Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 11-21-05 1:05 PM