"He just came in slamming on me, saying all kinds of derogatory crap: that I was a fat, bald, broke old man who sits around in a rusted wheelchair," said Charpentier, who has a chronic back injury. "I don't even own a wheelchair"
Excellent idea! We file a complaint alleging that, by mercilessly ridiculing our spelling, grammar, and syntax, wolfson has "humiliated us beyond what no person could endure." Then he'll file an answer ridiculing our ungrammatical complaint, and we can use that as additional evidence against him.
See? This is the inevitable result of being hung up over not being perceived as a priss. You file bogus lawsuits in order to defend your manhood and end up looking like a priss.
There is no question that "I've been humiliated beyond what no man can endure!" is going to be my new favorite phrase. Unfortunately I can't even say it without smiling.
Complain complain. Gotta sieze the moment, missy. Anyway, there's no better way to end the neverending thread than with the neverending joke (and closing the comments, of course).
Tia, what was the fitting way of ending the thread? e-mail me if you like. Then, as I did with apostropher's pork rinds comment, I will provide an unfunny squelching response.
JO, you are woefully confused. After the apocalypse (have you looked out the window in the past two hours), as the earth reverted to its Edenic State, Apostropher and I, well, I can't quite speak of it, but the human race will continue. The only relevant threads are those I have gathered to cover up my shame.
Last night, after the Apocalypse, before Apostropher, Ewan MacGregor found me with an infrared sensor. He came up to me and started nibbling on my neck. "For the future of art. Of music!" he entreated. But, I was on the pill, and busy watching Matlock reruns. Except there was no electricity, so actually I was just imagining them on a black screen. Apostropher only succeeded because he was a bit more aggressive. The pill might be a problem though. And the weiner.
This guy needs to get a life. I once was threatened in a forum by someone threatening to pour a special "cocktail" of kerosene and coal oil on me, and light me on fire. Told them to bring it on and never heard from them again...
Yes, there's a grammatical error in the headline.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 2:43 PM
My attorney advises me not to comment on cases under litigation.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 2:43 PM
So to sum up, annoying people pseudonymously on the internet is a crime, and doing it under your own name is a tort.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 2:45 PM
I like that the defendant's alibi is that Ohio is l4m3rz.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 2:48 PM
Maybe text and I should sue each other over yesterday's imbroglio. WTF -- can't the guy turn off the computer if he's being abused?
Posted by Frederick | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 2:52 PM
can't the guy turn off the computer if he's being abused?
Can you?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 2:54 PM
Well, one either responds to the abuser(s) or, if it gets too bad, leaves. Suing is a little extreme.
Posted by Frederick | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 2:57 PM
Apparently he's suing them for stuff that went on outside of the chat room, but that he knew primarily through the chatroom.
Posted by pdf23ds | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 2:57 PM
"He just came in slamming on me, saying all kinds of derogatory crap: that I was a fat, bald, broke old man who sits around in a rusted wheelchair," said Charpentier, who has a chronic back injury. "I don't even own a wheelchair"
"I have to rent one!"
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 3:06 PM
I'm reserving my right to file a counter-suit against everyone.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 3:07 PM
Class action against Wolfson?
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 3:07 PM
Not good. Think of the counterclaim!
The man suffers mightily.
Posted by Austro | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 3:09 PM
It's getting bad when the n00b5 will be prosecuted standard spreads to AOL.
(And Ohio is t3h l4m3rz, Smasher. You'll be hearing from our lawyers.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 3:13 PM
Class action against Wolfson?
Excellent idea! We file a complaint alleging that, by mercilessly ridiculing our spelling, grammar, and syntax, wolfson has "humiliated us beyond what no person could endure." Then he'll file an answer ridiculing our ungrammatical complaint, and we can use that as additional evidence against him.
Posted by Frederick | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 3:14 PM
See? This is the inevitable result of being hung up over not being perceived as a priss. You file bogus lawsuits in order to defend your manhood and end up looking like a priss.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 3:55 PM
"Man sues chatroom pals: I was humiliated beyond what 'no man could endure'"
I think he'll find that being known as the fat guy who sued because his pretend internet friends teased him will be far more humiliating.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 4:03 PM
There is no question that "I've been humiliated beyond what no man can endure!" is going to be my new favorite phrase. Unfortunately I can't even say it without smiling.
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 4:31 PM
can't the guy turn off the computer if he's being abused?
Can you?
Of course. I'm sure anyone here could quit any time. In fact, I'm leaving for my online meeting of Chataholics Anonymous right now.
Posted by Michael H Schneider | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 4:40 PM
I'm sure anyone here could quit any time. In fact, I'm leaving for my online meeting of Chataholics Anonymous right now.
Too true. :P
Posted by Frederick | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 5:18 PM
Not fair, ogged. That joke doesn't deserve to win anything.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 5:53 PM
Ogged, you priss, I had something really and truly funny to say.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 5:54 PM
Last!
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 6:00 PM
I had a fitting way to end that thread. Elegiac even.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 6:21 PM
It's okay Tia. That thread was distracting us from repopulating the earth.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 6:22 PM
Complain complain. Gotta sieze the moment, missy. Anyway, there's no better way to end the neverending thread than with the neverending joke (and closing the comments, of course).
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 6:23 PM
I'm on the pill. These days, anything distracts me from repopulating the earth.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 6:25 PM
Tia, what was the fitting way of ending the thread? e-mail me if you like. Then, as I did with apostropher's pork rinds comment, I will provide an unfunny squelching response.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 6:37 PM
Weiner and I now have a secret, suckas.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 6:48 PM
Tia has a secret weiner.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 6:56 PM
Which comment thread was closed? I'm so confused right now.
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:00 PM
Truly, Apo, you are the hero.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:02 PM
Which comment thread was closed?
Innocence.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:04 PM
Tia has a secret weiner.
Is that anything like having a secret wiener?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:04 PM
Like say f'rinstance "Kafka is my secret Wiener"?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:06 PM
33: No.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:12 PM
35: No?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:19 PM
36: No.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:21 PM
Today marks the end of innocence at Unfogged.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:29 PM
Lo mein.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:34 PM
38 -- how so?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:37 PM
Innocence is close'd. Please shop elsewhere.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:39 PM
Oh I see, because the thread was titled "Innocense"and it is now ended. Got it.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:44 PM
or rather...
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:45 PM
It might be more accurate to call today "the end of 'Innocence' at Unfogged".
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 7:53 PM
JO, you are woefully confused. After the apocalypse (have you looked out the window in the past two hours), as the earth reverted to its Edenic State, Apostropher and I, well, I can't quite speak of it, but the human race will continue. The only relevant threads are those I have gathered to cover up my shame.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 8:00 PM
After the apocalypse
Luckily, Froz Gobo has taken care of things.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 01-12-06 8:09 PM
29: And how do *you* know that, apostropher?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 01-13-06 7:52 AM
Presumably he discovered it while the two of you were repopulating.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 01-13-06 7:53 AM
Oh, right.
*blushes*
Last night, after the Apocalypse, before Apostropher, Ewan MacGregor found me with an infrared sensor. He came up to me and started nibbling on my neck. "For the future of art. Of music!" he entreated. But, I was on the pill, and busy watching Matlock reruns. Except there was no electricity, so actually I was just imagining them on a black screen. Apostropher only succeeded because he was a bit more aggressive. The pill might be a problem though. And the weiner.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 01-13-06 7:59 AM
At what age does one normally realize the best response to insults is to either mock them, ignore them, or wear them proudly?
I mean for normal people, not for fat old bald guys like me sitting in wheelchairs whose only illusion of worthiness comes from the internet.
Posted by Tripp | Link to this comment | 01-13-06 9:06 AM
This guy needs to get a life. I once was threatened in a forum by someone threatening to pour a special "cocktail" of kerosene and coal oil on me, and light me on fire. Told them to bring it on and never heard from them again...
Posted by emc2cme | Link to this comment | 01-15-06 2:16 AM
Apologies for redundancy (threaten, threaten)--can only say it's late and I'm tired. Love this blog, though...
Posted by emc2cme | Link to this comment | 01-15-06 2:44 AM
Also keroses / coal oil, I think,
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 01-15-06 10:14 AM