I figured, tweedle, esp. since you sent me the right answer, but I'm just going to take everyone seriously on this thread to indicate that the game is very, very serious.
I know! He realized he was illegal carrying his concealed weapon in a bar in Texas, and would rather have died than face the prison rape or whatever that this promised.
14 -- Woo-hoo! This sounds to me like an explicit license for everybody to dream up the zaniest stuff they can in hopes of penetrating Tia's solemn affect.
he realises everyone else in the restaurant is laughing at him for pronouncing it "abaloney" and his Gatsbyesque attempts to join high society are doomed to failure.
He is deathly allergic to seafood, and intended to order "Baloney", but stuttered before the first syllable, so instead they gave him Abalone, which is something he never heard of. After realizing that he just ate seafood, he ponders his options, and decides to shoot himself before the agonizing death by anaphylaxis can occur.
I think I know, but I don't want to put the answer on the thread. Will email to see if I'm right. Also it reminds me of something in C.S. Lewis's The Silver Chair and also of an SF short story, so Gary Farber ought to have no trouble getting this.
43: yes, but I just want to say to be careful with the phrases "indicate" and "made aware." I said yes to a question with "indicate" and I'd say yes to "made aware."
Did he expect bad consequences if he continued to live?
(I'm assuming that 48 means that it is not the case that he had murdered someone, and the taste of the abalone somehow indicated that they had begun to fish the grotto where he had disposed of the body, and so he would soon be found out.)
This is kind of reminding me of a story, I'm trying to dig it out of the cesspool of my memory, a man -- I think he is Greek? Brings a guest into his house, the guest (he doesn't recognize him) bears a longstanding animus toward the host, and contrives to kill the host's children and serve them to him at a banquet. Host eats his children thinking they are non-human animal product, then discovers hsi mistake and kills himself in a frenzy of grief. But it does not quite fit because there is no restaurant or firearms in the original. though there may have been abalone -- I do nt remember.
78 -- thanks, yes. I am thinking of the story of Tantalus and Pelops, and getting it backwards into the deal. However it may be that Titus Andronicus occured more as aI am misremembering the story of Tantalus and Pelops.
59: Yay! I have to say, though, I didn't do what others are doing and patiently tease out the supporting reasons why that must be the answer. I just assumed we'd be shown the chain of logic later.
120: well, if you can guess it by intuiting, that's great. The goal is to figure out the answer, not to ask as many questions as possible. I think Andrew basically knows the whole story at this point, so we can give him some number 2 props. Poor Weiner, I feel bad he had to leave. Maybe we should schedule the next one.
131: I mean "enjoyment," rather than "relish". Relishes would not in the circumstances improve the story. "I ate my baby with mayonnaise" adds little to a mood of tragedy.
Got it! As he was eating the abalone, in a sudden flash of revelation he came to understand the meaning of existence, and his place in the universe. And realized that holding such knowledge made him unfit to continue to exist.
Since I haven't a clue about the puzzle, I'll lead off in the other direction. Is it true Pacific Abolone must measure 7 inches or they must be thrown back?
If this is a cock joke, the German cannibal who ate the guy's cock said it was tough. You'd expect that. My suggestion is that you use a recipe for tongue, which as I recall requires marinating and / or pounding.
Or, of course, the recipe for this. (Picture courtesy of The Valve; the valve is on the right).
tia -- this may be obvious by now but I am particularly dense and at sea. Did the man kill himself because after tasting the restaurant's abalone, he came to understand that the stuff he had eaten previously was not abalone? I don't see how just knowing that something you had eaten previously was not what you thought it was, would be reason to go to such lengths. Did realizing that it had not been abalone somehow carry with it an understanding of what it had in fact been, and that was something gross enough to inspire suicide?
Did the man kill himself because after tasting the restaurant's abalone, he came to understand that the stuff he had eaten previously was not abalone?
yes
Did realizing that it had not been abalone somehow carry with it an understanding of what it had in fact been, and that was something gross enough to inspire suicide?
yes.
I only answer yes or no questions, Osner. If you want to know without playing, reading the thread carefully should explain this to you, but I'm happy to keep on answering questions, because I live to serve the Unfoggetariat.
So: at the risk of making you repeat above answers which I did not understand, was the thing which he had eaten previously thinking it was abalone, a human body part? Separate question: did the person who served him the thing under discussion intentionally mislead him into thinking that thing was abalone?
at the risk of making you repeat above answers which I did not understand, was the thing which he had eaten previously thinking it was abalone, a human body part?
yes
did the person who served him the thing under discussion intentionally mislead him into thinking that thing was abalone?
The man had been tricked into eating his child or other loved one, thinking it was abalone. Having eating abalone, he realized what had happened and shot himself.
Was the person who served him the human body part and led him to belive it was abalone, responsible for the death of the person who the body part used to belong to?
I'm guessing the man is recently back from being, um, Lost.
But this is still a pretty stupid puzzle, because the backstory which I'm guessing forms the right answer isn't well-enough connected to the events in the puzzle. Boo hiss.
191: The first sentence of 191 is more or less right, but the rest of it is the sharper that a serpent's tooth ingratitude of a blog reader. You only come to understand an Ogged until you've blogged a mile in his shoes. I hate you all.
He woke up one day without his penis. Thinking it would show up eventually, he went down to breakfast where his friend served him what he said was abalone, and he loved it.
Days later, still hoping that his penis would show up somewhere sooner or later, he decided to have abalone again. But it didn't taste right at all, and suddenly it dawned on him what he had eaten.
But rather than trying to figure out a different source for tasty penii, as a rational person would ahve done, he gave up on life.
194: Well, you should understand why someone would have served him human flesh and called it abalone, which has mostly been answered. The story is improbable, but it's not nonsensical.
196: I'm totally not buying that, eating abalone and thinking it tastes different from the abalone he ate last time, he jumps to the conclusion that the last time had actually been human flesh. There are any number of alternate explanations for the difference in flavor -- perhaps the one last time was going off, or had been prepared poorly. FTM why couldn't the previous one be abalone and this one be human flesh/whatever? Rather than shooting himself he could complain to the chef, "This tastes nothing like abalone! What are you guys, trying to sell me some weak imitation abalone?! I demand a refund! Whaddaya think, I'm a cannibal?"
Did an accident, possibly a transportation accident, lead to him being stranded somewhere? (I know stranded was mentioned, but it's been sort of dropped)
Did he suffer any dimunition of his senses in the accident?
210 -- think about it -- I'm pretty sure you would win if you threw "Cock" and your opponent threw the open hand which represents "Paper". Paper covers cock but this is not at all a bad thing for the cock -- indeed it is win-win.
215: Not that I know of. In fact, I could tell you something funny about who I got this game from, except that would be a Tia Indiscretion Error at my own expense.
No I'm just sayin. The enlightened player of Cock, Paper, Scissors will go for the maximum payback, which is available by throwing paper or cock rather than scissors.
Paper covers cock but this is not at all a bad thing for the cock -- indeed it is win-win.
Depends on the paper. Flypaper? Sandpaper?
Also, in games of this sort, when both players throw the same thing, it is generally considered a draw. But what about when both players choose cock? Win-win? Lose-lose? Win-lose? Is hand-stretching allowed?
Hello? Supply room? This is Mr. Alter Ego on the 5th floor. Can you order us a couple of reams of fleshy simulacrum paper? Bill it to Marketing. Thanks.
If I am not mistaken, and I haven't googled to find out, abalone look a lot like pussy.
Therefore, I conclude that the man had been shipwrecked on a desert island with his wife, lover, girlfriend, whatever, and had survived b/c she served him "abalone."
Therefore, I conclude that the man had been shipwrecked on a desert island with his wife, lover, girlfriend, whatever, and had survived b/c she served him "abalone."
And the man had sold his pocketwatch to buy her a hairbrush, right?
You know, I could be wrong. And I have no idea how one small meal would save a man's life, or how it is that he wouldn't have recognized the mutilation after they were rescued.
For the record, it was not his wife's pussy that he ate. I mean, at some point he probably at his wife's pussy, but she never called it abalone. It was a shipmate of his who died in the shipwreck. The captain cooked up the body on the other side of the island and called it "abalone."
He didn't have his umbrella with him?
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:12 AM
No.
(Is that from a different one? It sounds sort of familiar. Email it to me if it is (but don't tell me what happened!))
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:14 AM
He was disappointed with the abalone?
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:18 AM
I think I've heard this one or a close variant, but I don't know how to be sure unless I ask a question that gives it away. Alas.
Posted by SP | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:19 AM
Was he a koala?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:19 AM
3: In some sense, I guess you could say yes, but not because it tasted bad.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:19 AM
It was poisoned with a neurotoxin that made him want to kill himself. Something like the parasites in rats that make them unafraid of cats.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:19 AM
Tia, check your email. I think I know this one.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:20 AM
5: no. 7: no. SP, you can email me if you want. Tia@unfogged
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:20 AM
Does his wife/girlfriend/lover work in the restaurant?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:21 AM
10: no.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:22 AM
Tia, my 7 was tongue-in-cheek. I'm spreading disinformation.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:22 AM
This might seem silly, but when you say "shoots himself" do you mean that he killed himself?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:23 AM
I figured, tweedle, esp. since you sent me the right answer, but I'm just going to take everyone seriously on this thread to indicate that the game is very, very serious.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:23 AM
Deadly serious?
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:25 AM
13: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:25 AM
15: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:26 AM
I know! He realized he was illegal carrying his concealed weapon in a bar in Texas, and would rather have died than face the prison rape or whatever that this promised.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:26 AM
Does he have a relevant allergy?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:26 AM
14 -- Woo-hoo! This sounds to me like an explicit license for everybody to dream up the zaniest stuff they can in hopes of penetrating Tia's solemn affect.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:27 AM
Did the abalone taste funny?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:27 AM
he realises everyone else in the restaurant is laughing at him for pronouncing it "abaloney" and his Gatsbyesque attempts to join high society are doomed to failure.
Posted by dsquared | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:28 AM
I've always heard this using albatross instead of abalone, but what restaurant serves friggin' albatross?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:28 AM
18: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:28 AM
21: I'll say yes to that, if by funny you mean, other than what he expected.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:30 AM
21: yes.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:31 AM
Did the funny taste of the abalone indicate a death of importance to him?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:32 AM
27: yes.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:32 AM
He is deathly allergic to seafood, and intended to order "Baloney", but stuttered before the first syllable, so instead they gave him Abalone, which is something he never heard of. After realizing that he just ate seafood, he ponders his options, and decides to shoot himself before the agonizing death by anaphylaxis can occur.
Posted by Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:33 AM
Was the abalone really abalone?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:33 AM
19: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:33 AM
Was the death of importance the death of a human being?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:33 AM
32: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:34 AM
23: Perhaps albatross is served here?
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:34 AM
30: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:34 AM
He did not know he was allergic to seafood and has just shat himself. Honour demands he does the decent thing.
Posted by dsquared | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:35 AM
Did he find a ring, or some other unexpected object, in the abalone?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:35 AM
36: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:35 AM
37: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:36 AM
Was the death of a blood relation?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:36 AM
40: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:36 AM
Wife/lover/etc.?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:37 AM
The man know the person of whose death he was made aware by eating the abalone?
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:37 AM
Was the man dining alone?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:38 AM
Did the man know...
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:38 AM
I think I know, but I don't want to put the answer on the thread. Will email to see if I'm right. Also it reminds me of something in C.S. Lewis's The Silver Chair and also of an SF short story, so Gary Farber ought to have no trouble getting this.
Posted by emr | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:39 AM
42: no
43: yes, but I just want to say to be careful with the phrases "indicate" and "made aware." I said yes to a question with "indicate" and I'd say yes to "made aware."
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:40 AM
Did he shoot himself out of unhappiness?
Dammit, I have to go soon, and I will be off the 'net most of the day. Andrew, I'm counting on you.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:40 AM
Does this have to do with SCUBA?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:40 AM
46- was the abalone in the shape of Jesus and he had three bites before his sin was revealed?
Posted by SP | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:40 AM
46: You've got it.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:41 AM
49: no, that's a different one, Cala, and also a good one. next friday, maybe.
50: no
48: yes
44: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:42 AM
Speaking of games, there was a cool interview (for those of us in/who-used-to-be-in the tech field in Make magazine this month. Here's a copy.
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:42 AM
Does it matter that it was abalone specifically? Does it matter that it was a crustacean?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:43 AM
Had he known about the death before eating the abalone?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:44 AM
Was the different taste of the abalone one associated with the person who had died while the person was living?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:45 AM
Was his lover a changeling that turned into abalone?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:45 AM
I'm completely at sea on this one Matt
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:45 AM
54: Not just any food would have made him shoot himself no, but you could set this up with a different kind of food.
Also, emr, got it, so props to him (her)?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:45 AM
Did he shoot himself out of unhappiness that a particular person had died?
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:46 AM
Isn't there some rule forbidding the use of C.S. Lewis novels in these games?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:46 AM
Did he expect bad consequences if he continued to live?
(I'm assuming that 48 means that it is not the case that he had murdered someone, and the taste of the abalone somehow indicated that they had begun to fish the grotto where he had disposed of the body, and so he would soon be found out.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:47 AM
55: yes
56: if I'm parsing that right, no.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:47 AM
This is kind of reminding me of a story, I'm trying to dig it out of the cesspool of my memory, a man -- I think he is Greek? Brings a guest into his house, the guest (he doesn't recognize him) bears a longstanding animus toward the host, and contrives to kill the host's children and serve them to him at a banquet. Host eats his children thinking they are non-human animal product, then discovers hsi mistake and kills himself in a frenzy of grief. But it does not quite fit because there is no restaurant or firearms in the original. though there may have been abalone -- I do nt remember.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:48 AM
60, no.
62: yes, but there are lots of different kinds of "bad consequences."
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:48 AM
64: Osner, is thre a question in there?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:49 AM
64: That's Titus Andronicus, and whatever source material it came from.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:49 AM
Aren't abalone herbivores?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:50 AM
Did he shoot himself out of remorse?
Had he killed the person whose death we have been talking about?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:50 AM
68: I don't know, but not relevant.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:50 AM
69.1: yes
69.2: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:51 AM
66 -- the implicit question was extraneous to this thread and was ably answered by LizardBreath.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:52 AM
Did the man realize he was really Charlie the Tuna and had just eaten the Little Mermaid?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:52 AM
54- Abalone is a crustacean? It's not a fish? Um... I think I need some time to myself- goodbye, everyone.
Posted by SP | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:53 AM
Did the abalone (taste of) remind him of the death?
Did it make him aware that he had caused the death?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:53 AM
73: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:53 AM
Did the abalone taste funny because of the way they were prepared?
Did the abalone taste funny because something was added to them?
Did the abalone taste funny because of where they were harvested?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:54 AM
Isn't that the source of the curse on the house of Atreus?
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:54 AM
Did helearn something by eating the abalone?
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:55 AM
Isn't that the source of the curse on the house of Atreus?
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:55 AM
75.1 yes
75.2 no
77: no to all
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:56 AM
79: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:58 AM
Did the taste of the abalone restore a memory he had lost?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 9:58 AM
83: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:01 AM
The abalone made him recall where lay the Snowdens of yesteryear.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:01 AM
Would the abalone have tasted funny to someone else?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:02 AM
86: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:03 AM
Had the man been eating something earlier that he believed to be abalone, and has now discovered to have been something else?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:05 AM
Was he previously aware that the dead person was dead?
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:05 AM
I feel like I'm interviewing with Microsoft.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:05 AM
78: Yes
80: No
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:05 AM
When there was only one set of footprints, was he carrying the abalone?
Posted by Ted Barlow | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:05 AM
Is there a clue in the word "abalone"?
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:06 AM
89: yes
88:yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:07 AM
93: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:07 AM
92: The abalone was riding him.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:08 AM
Also, the version of this set up I learned years ago has the protagonist going into a restaurant and ordering a platypus sandwich.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:08 AM
Had he killed the dead person?
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:08 AM
And was that someone else a loved one?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:08 AM
Something else, I mean.
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:09 AM
78 -- thanks, yes. I am thinking of the story of Tantalus and Pelops, and getting it backwards into the deal. However it may be that Titus Andronicus occured more as aI am misremembering the story of Tantalus and Pelops.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:09 AM
98: no
99: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:10 AM
Had the dead person died recently?
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:12 AM
Did the man find what he had thought to be abalone in the ocean?
Posted by Anonymous | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:13 AM
Had the man found, that is.
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:14 AM
103: Not that relevant. I'll say yes.
104: no
Posted by Anonymous | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:14 AM
Was the man served what he had thought to be abalone at someone's home?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:15 AM
107: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:16 AM
Well, I've run out of time. But...
Was the pseudo-abalone served to the man by anyone?
Does the man own the restaurant?
Was the man previously served what he had thought to be abalone at this restaurant? At another restaurant?
Does the man's wife own the restaurant where the pseudo-abalone was served?
Does the husband of the man's lover own the restaurant where the pseudo-abalone was served?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:20 AM
109.1: yes
.2: no
.3: no
.4: no
.5: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:22 AM
Is what he ate immediately before he shot himself abalone?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:22 AM
111: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:23 AM
Was the pseudo-abalone served to the man in a prison?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:23 AM
No
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:24 AM
114 to 113.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:25 AM
Was the pseudo-abalone consumed by the man while stranded somewhere?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:25 AM
Had he thought that abalone was a fish before he ordered it?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:26 AM
116: yes
117: no, he knows abalone is shellfish.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:28 AM
Does he kill himself out of grief?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:29 AM
59: Yay! I have to say, though, I didn't do what others are doing and patiently tease out the supporting reasons why that must be the answer. I just assumed we'd be shown the chain of logic later.
Posted by emr | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:30 AM
119: among other things, sure
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:30 AM
I've heard this before as part of a great story in the Granta food issue.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:32 AM
:) emr unbound
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:32 AM
120: well, if you can guess it by intuiting, that's great. The goal is to figure out the answer, not to ask as many questions as possible. I think Andrew basically knows the whole story at this point, so we can give him some number 2 props. Poor Weiner, I feel bad he had to leave. Maybe we should schedule the next one.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:32 AM
You could delete the comment thread and let Weiner & others have a shot later, no?
Posted by Andrew | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:35 AM
I don't want to delete the thread, but I could put up a new one and warn people away from this one. Okay, I'll put a warning in the post.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:37 AM
When he shoots himself, does he do so to ward off an even more unpleasant death?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:39 AM
127: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:40 AM
I think I know the basic answer also; just not every detail of the circumstances.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:40 AM
Is the man intoxicated (or otherwise druggily mood-altered) at any point in the course of the story? E.g., at the end when he kills himself?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:42 AM
Had the man earlier been served a strange dish by someone who might have murdered his child, and been told it was abalone?
Had he eaten it with relish?
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:42 AM
131: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:44 AM
131: I mean "enjoyment," rather than "relish". Relishes would not in the circumstances improve the story. "I ate my baby with mayonnaise" adds little to a mood of tragedy.
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:44 AM
Andrew -- do you mean pickle relish or onion relish?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:44 AM
Pwned
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:45 AM
I don't know what abalone looks like, but this is unfogged. Are we working towards a cock joke?
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:46 AM
Did the man realize he'd been pwned?
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:46 AM
I think I sort of have the idea.
Does he kill himself because what he ate earlier wasn't abalone?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:47 AM
did the man suppose he had eaten any relative, or portion of a relative, when he shot himself.
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:47 AM
138: yes
139: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:48 AM
Got it! As he was eating the abalone, in a sudden flash of revelation he came to understand the meaning of existence, and his place in the universe. And realized that holding such knowledge made him unfit to continue to exist.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:49 AM
141:no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:50 AM
136: always.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:50 AM
(abalone sb
abalone)Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:50 AM
Was the un-abalone a human part?
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:51 AM
Did the man realize he had eaten a human being earlier, supposing it to be abalone?
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:52 AM
145: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:53 AM
Okay, got it more or less I think. I feel there's a pop culture/literature reference I should be getting in a flash of insight, but I'm not.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:54 AM
146: yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:54 AM
Since I haven't a clue about the puzzle, I'll lead off in the other direction. Is it true Pacific Abolone must measure 7 inches or they must be thrown back?
Posted by John Tingley | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:54 AM
Was it someone he knew?
Was it part of himself?
Did he cause the person's death and not know it, until eating the actual abalone made him realize the chain of events?
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:55 AM
136, 143 -- You could say we are laboring Sisyphus-like toward a cock joke.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:55 AM
Can 145 and 146 both be true? I mean, did he eat a whole human?
If not, was the bit of the human important?
In other words, is this a long-winded cock joke?
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:57 AM
If this is a cock joke, the German cannibal who ate the guy's cock said it was tough. You'd expect that. My suggestion is that you use a recipe for tongue, which as I recall requires marinating and / or pounding.
Or, of course, the recipe for this. (Picture courtesy of The Valve; the valve is on the right).
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:57 AM
marinating, pounding, tongues ... is the world ready for the Mineshaft cookbook?
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:59 AM
Heh -- John said 'pounding'.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 10:59 AM
In other news, who is Andrew Brown and why is he stealing all my thunder?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:01 AM
said it was tough. You'd expect that.
Depending on the source, that is.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:01 AM
I guess the answering questions portion of the thread is over.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:05 AM
What, it's only 10-15 minutes since her last answer -- cut a little slack huh?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:06 AM
FEED ME TIA
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:08 AM
Who is that command directed toward, Joe?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:10 AM
Just keeping with the theme.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:11 AM
151.1: yes
151.2: no
151.3: no
Posted by tweedledopey | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:11 AM
It's an advantage to be many timezones away, so I can knock off work and pay here with a clear conscience.
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:11 AM
I can tell you this: Andrew Brown is not my brother of the same name, but reading his name here is disconcerting every damn time.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:12 AM
Andrew Brown is not "Andrew Brown", but another commenter of the same name.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:13 AM
Thanks tweedle. I had to go make some copies, sorry.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:13 AM
oh fuck. unveiled. pwned I mean. whoever I am.
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:14 AM
Dude! I've heard good things about your "Darwin Wars."
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:18 AM
[redacted]
Posted by [redacted] | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:39 AM
He's been commenting here for a year.
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 11:41 AM
Labs is cock(joke)-blocked!
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:03 PM
tia -- this may be obvious by now but I am particularly dense and at sea. Did the man kill himself because after tasting the restaurant's abalone, he came to understand that the stuff he had eaten previously was not abalone? I don't see how just knowing that something you had eaten previously was not what you thought it was, would be reason to go to such lengths. Did realizing that it had not been abalone somehow carry with it an understanding of what it had in fact been, and that was something gross enough to inspire suicide?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:24 PM
Did the man kill himself because after tasting the restaurant's abalone, he came to understand that the stuff he had eaten previously was not abalone?
yes
Did realizing that it had not been abalone somehow carry with it an understanding of what it had in fact been, and that was something gross enough to inspire suicide?
yes.
I only answer yes or no questions, Osner. If you want to know without playing, reading the thread carefully should explain this to you, but I'm happy to keep on answering questions, because I live to serve the Unfoggetariat.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:31 PM
I live to serve the Unfoggetariat.
It's really distracting when you say things like this, Tia. Please be considerate-- I have to get some work done.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:34 PM
I'm sure we could figure out a way for you to mullti-task, Labs.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:43 PM
So: at the risk of making you repeat above answers which I did not understand, was the thing which he had eaten previously thinking it was abalone, a human body part? Separate question: did the person who served him the thing under discussion intentionally mislead him into thinking that thing was abalone?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:45 PM
at the risk of making you repeat above answers which I did not understand, was the thing which he had eaten previously thinking it was abalone, a human body part?
yes
did the person who served him the thing under discussion intentionally mislead him into thinking that thing was abalone?
yes
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:46 PM
The man had been tricked into eating his child or other loved one, thinking it was abalone. Having eating abalone, he realized what had happened and shot himself.
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:49 PM
This has begun to remind me of another thread.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:49 PM
This is tiring... what time will the answer be posted?
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:50 PM
180: no to child. That's basically it but there's slightly more to the scenario that Andrew teased out.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:51 PM
Right? Did I miss something?
It doesn't completely make sense.
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:51 PM
Was the person who served him the human body part and led him to belive it was abalone, responsible for the death of the person who the body part used to belong to?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:51 PM
185: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:52 PM
"no" s/b "yes"
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:54 PM
What? No it shouldn't. Man you guys are getting testy.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:55 PM
Just yankin yer chain
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 12:56 PM
Tia, the only question left is whether it was his own. But in that case he might, you know, have noticed.
OK -- so he comes round after the accident and is served a special meal. Is that right?
In Thailand there were all these jokes about "feeding the ducks" a few years ago.
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:26 PM
I'm guessing the man is recently back from being, um, Lost.
But this is still a pretty stupid puzzle, because the backstory which I'm guessing forms the right answer isn't well-enough connected to the events in the puzzle. Boo hiss.
Posted by argle | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:26 PM
190: No, it wasn't his own.
191: The first sentence of 191 is more or less right, but the rest of it is the sharper that a serpent's tooth ingratitude of a blog reader. You only come to understand an Ogged until you've blogged a mile in his shoes. I hate you all.
Posted by Anonymous | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:32 PM
After the guy shoots himself, does the waiter then say, "I've seen other customers react badly when I bring them the wrong dish, but damn!!!"
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:43 PM
183: Well, is there enough of a twist that it will be worth fifty more of these questions? Because I don't see a lot of cock jokes.
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:51 PM
He woke up one day without his penis. Thinking it would show up eventually, he went down to breakfast where his friend served him what he said was abalone, and he loved it.
Days later, still hoping that his penis would show up somewhere sooner or later, he decided to have abalone again. But it didn't taste right at all, and suddenly it dawned on him what he had eaten.
But rather than trying to figure out a different source for tasty penii, as a rational person would ahve done, he gave up on life.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:53 PM
193: no
194: Well, you should understand why someone would have served him human flesh and called it abalone, which has mostly been answered. The story is improbable, but it's not nonsensical.
195: no
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:55 PM
I live to serve the Unfoggetariat.
That was a Damon Knight reference?
Posted by Michael H Schneider | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:56 PM
I knew you guys were Unfoggets.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:58 PM
197: It had multiple functions.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 1:59 PM
Can I ask questions to help them along, given that, as mentioned above, I've previously heard a version of this?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:01 PM
196: I'm totally not buying that, eating abalone and thinking it tastes different from the abalone he ate last time, he jumps to the conclusion that the last time had actually been human flesh. There are any number of alternate explanations for the difference in flavor -- perhaps the one last time was going off, or had been prepared poorly. FTM why couldn't the previous one be abalone and this one be human flesh/whatever? Rather than shooting himself he could complain to the chef, "This tastes nothing like abalone! What are you guys, trying to sell me some weak imitation abalone?! I demand a refund! Whaddaya think, I'm a cannibal?"
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:01 PM
I'm having the same leap-of-faith problems that Jeremy describes in 201.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:03 PM
Okay, okay: I have a new story in mind. Same set up, I'm answering questions.
17 - yes
19 - no
43 - yes
46 - yes
47 - no
53 - yes, yes, and no
74 - definitely no
114 - of course
116 - no
118 - yes
123 - no
Okay now figure out the answer.
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:04 PM
I was expecting a puzzle more of the "what color is the bear" variety -- a one-line answer that explains the whole situation.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:04 PM
We could also play "Animal, Vegetable, Genital".
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:06 PM
Or "Rock, Paper, Genital" -- that might be fun.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:07 PM
201, 202: Maybe he already had buried suspicions, and eating the abalone was confirming something he hadn't wanted to face previously.
Washerdreyer, go for it. there's not much mystery left at this point.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:07 PM
D'oh! I mean of course, "Cock, Paper, Scissors".
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:08 PM
Did an accident, possibly a transportation accident, lead to him being stranded somewhere? (I know stranded was mentioned, but it's been sort of dropped)
Did he suffer any dimunition of his senses in the accident?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:12 PM
208: In that game, doesn't "scissors" win every time?
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:13 PM
Urple -- many of your answers are not to questions. Is this intentional?
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:13 PM
211: Goddammit, Osner, don't give it away already. Some of us are still trying to figure it out.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:16 PM
209.1 yes
209.2 actually, no, not in my version. I always pictured the captain just keeping what he was doing a secret. But that would work too.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:19 PM
211- well, not to obvious questions perhaps. But all of life is a question on some level or another. My game is not as easy as Tia's.
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:20 PM
Wait, is this a plotline from a TV show??
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:20 PM
210 -- think about it -- I'm pretty sure you would win if you threw "Cock" and your opponent threw the open hand which represents "Paper". Paper covers cock but this is not at all a bad thing for the cock -- indeed it is win-win.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:21 PM
215: Not that I know of. In fact, I could tell you something funny about who I got this game from, except that would be a Tia Indiscretion Error at my own expense.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:22 PM
216 - okay, so paper-cock is win-win. But I think MAE's point still stands: scissors win every time.
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:23 PM
218 -- all depends what you're into I guess.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:25 PM
Jeremy are you claiming your cock would win a battle with a pair of scissors?
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:27 PM
The cock could practice assymetric warfare and disappear into a dark crevice.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:28 PM
No I'm just sayin. The enlightened player of Cock, Paper, Scissors will go for the maximum payback, which is available by throwing paper or cock rather than scissors.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:30 PM
Paper covers cock but this is not at all a bad thing for the cock -- indeed it is win-win.
Depends on the paper. Flypaper? Sandpaper?
Also, in games of this sort, when both players throw the same thing, it is generally considered a draw. But what about when both players choose cock? Win-win? Lose-lose? Win-lose? Is hand-stretching allowed?
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:34 PM
Flypaper? Sandpaper?
Neither -- it is rather a fleshy simulacrum of paper.
Posted by Jeremy Osner | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:42 PM
But what about when both players choose cock?
Then comes the penis fencing.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:45 PM
Hello? Supply room? This is Mr. Alter Ego on the 5th floor. Can you order us a couple of reams of fleshy simulacrum paper? Bill it to Marketing. Thanks.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:48 PM
Could the man, in fact, taste the abalone?
Posted by greg | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:53 PM
Whoa, someone's still playing? Yes, he could taste it.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:54 PM
If I am not mistaken, and I haven't googled to find out, abalone look a lot like pussy.
Therefore, I conclude that the man had been shipwrecked on a desert island with his wife, lover, girlfriend, whatever, and had survived b/c she served him "abalone."
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:55 PM
Whoa.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:57 PM
B, you need to shave.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:58 PM
Part of you looks like that? Are you sure?
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:59 PM
Now that would be sastisfactory twist.
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:59 PM
apostrophowned.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 2:59 PM
Therefore, I conclude that the man had been shipwrecked on a desert island with his wife, lover, girlfriend, whatever, and had survived b/c she served him "abalone."
And the man had sold his pocketwatch to buy her a hairbrush, right?
Oh, wait. Different story. Sorry.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:02 PM
[redacted]
Posted by [redacted] | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:06 PM
Now the thread is over
I'm so tired
Then I see you coming
Out of nowhere
Much communication in a motion
Without conversation or a notion
Abalone
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:07 PM
I'm gonna defend B on this one.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:08 PM
You know, I could be wrong. And I have no idea how one small meal would save a man's life, or how it is that he wouldn't have recognized the mutilation after they were rescued.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:08 PM
238: That pussy doesn't look so healthy.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:11 PM
Apo, stop oppressing B.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:13 PM
I have to wonder if no one's having guessed that before me means that the men here have never seen pussy, or that they've never eaten shellfish.
And, apo., how about this one? The one on the left is diseased; on the right, healthy.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:13 PM
I would if I could, Tia. I would if I could.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:13 PM
Oh I know. Mike and Jenny are GOLDFISH.
Posted by j. | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:14 PM
the men here have never seen pussy
Of course not. If you look directly at one, you'll turn to stone.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:15 PM
That's it, this blog relationship is over.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:18 PM
You have to use one of those pinhole things, like when there's a eclipse.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:19 PM
Or perhaps a welding mask.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:20 PM
You have to use one of those pinhole things, like when there's a eclipse.
You can also use a webcam.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:22 PM
Perhaps. I haven't been willing to chance it since I caught a sideways glance at one and felt the hardening process begin. Luckily, it went away.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:22 PM
For the record, it was not his wife's pussy that he ate. I mean, at some point he probably at his wife's pussy, but she never called it abalone. It was a shipmate of his who died in the shipwreck. The captain cooked up the body on the other side of the island and called it "abalone."
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:23 PM
I like my version better.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-17-06 3:24 PM