Re: Probably Not What Betty Friedan Had In Mind

1

Once in a fantasies conversation, my college boyfriend said he wanted to have a two women threesome. "Okay," I said, "Right after we have sex with another guy." He declined.

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because I'm a feminist.

That might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

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3

That might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Wait, I have competition! An otherwise intelligent friend of mine once complained about the ambulance noise in her Battery Park City neighborhood. "Don't they know this is a residential area?" she asked. "Can't they take another route?"

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two guys together could easily overpower a girl so that would be unsafe for the female participant.

This is the best bit. "There will be absolutely no sex, unless the participants can be divided into equally matched single-sex combat teams. Large, strong ,women, may have sex with one man at a time: all other women, pair up and discuss tactics!"

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Nothing's sexier than a guy who tries to lecture women on feminism.

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I once had a woman ask me, in all seriousness, how many quarters were in a football game.

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7

That might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

My thoughts exactly. It was at that point I thought "Boy, am I glad you don't know that I blog because I am SO making fun of your ass on it for that comment."

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8

This is the reason you have to be very careful having the threesome fantasy conversation--it quickly leads to awkward places where you either end up saying incredibly stupid things like this or you have to admit that yes, I am a selfish pig who is only concerned about his own pleasure.

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9

Not exactly relevant, but I've had two interesting conversations with women who have had exeperienece with male-male-female three ways. One said she only liked it when the guys were very gay, and spent a lot of time with each other, because otherwise she felt double teamed. The other woman said that she only liked male-male-female threesomes when the guys were very straight, because she wanted to feel double teamed.

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10

I am a selfish pig who is only concerned about his own pleasure

I think the admission is more along the lines of the last sentence of the post.

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11

Unless you're high as a kite on the proper drugs, threesomes are much, much better in theory than in execution.

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12

Wouldn't want to slip on a banana peel.

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13

Unless you're high as a kite on the proper drugs, threesomes are much, much better in theory than in execution.

like so much of life.

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14

Unless you're high as a kite on the proper drugs, threesomes are much, much better in theory than in execution.

Is alcohol one of the proper drugs? 'Cuz that worked out OK. Weed was better.

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14: Straight from the TMI department - I was thinking hallucinogens, ecstasy, and meth, actually. It's worked out okay on alcohol and weed, but nowhere near my sweet, fevered imagination.

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16

Everything looks better in black and white.

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17

re: 10

Maybe, though the two concerns are related. Even more, I think it's a sexual jealousy thing with a strong double standard thrown in. But yes, many complicated reactions.

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18

The Feminist had also never considered that the two girls in a 2F+M threesome might want to, you know, actually have sex with each other at some point and not spend the entire evening servicing him.

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19

The Feminist might be a follower of pr0n, in which I'm told 2M+F encounters often have nothing to do with teh ghey but a lot to do with humiliating the woman.

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10

"It ain't no fun, if the homies can't have none"

I don't think mff is inherently more unequal than mmf. It all depends on the participants.

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21

Well of course not. He might be able to overpower them while they were distracted.

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22

21 was to 18, and while I'm at it I posted 12 but my info didn't show. My browser's having problems with javascript, I think.

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23

He might be able to overpower them while they were distracted.

Which Pink Panther movie is it where Clouseau has instructed his Korean valet to unexpectedly attack him for training purposes? I'm picturing the threesome sort of like that.

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24

I've never understood the appeal of threesomes. The geometry involved is just too confusing.

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25

So, you're saying trig was a problem?

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26

19 there is a MMF porno marketed to the gay men that does not humiliate the woman and is pretty f$%^ing gay. I have found that such representations are not without their attractions.

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27

Sohcahtoa it to me!

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23: I was under the impression that that was a running gag in more than one movie.

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28: almost all I think.

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30

Not "the english patient".

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31

so, you think he would have been ok with it if both guys were bound first?

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32

The power relations are more easily handled when one participant is an inflatable doll. There is, AFAIK, a distinct lack of variety in male dolls, but perhaps one could dress up a Sybian.

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33

I haven't read the whole thread, and I (obviously) agree that the "feminist" thing is idiotic, but I can sort of see where he's coming from. I'm not a threesome sort, but I'd be more uncomfortable with two guys and a woman than the reverse. Probably part of it is teh gay, but part of it really is that groups of guys + sex really make me nervous. See prior discussions of strippers at bachelor parties.

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34

SCMT, Remarks like that normalize male sexual violence.

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35

And it's totally racist.

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And communist.

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37

Bukkake! But only consensual. Bukkake!

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38

The original guy's comment is dumb given who it's coming from but it totally makes sense, given that these things tend to happen when all of the participants are less than sober, for a woman to worry about the power dynamics when there are two guys involved.

It makes it a lot harder to say no if one party or other comes to have second thoughts.

That said, the guy totally sounds like he is just worried about catching ghey cooties.

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39

37 - Unfogged: Site of the first-ever internet-caused divorce.

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39 - Shit woman, I'd bet there've been thousands and thousands. 'Sides, bit of the pot and kettle, ain't it?

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41

Not "the english patient".

"The English patient" and "the English agent" are actually the names of two highly specialized BDSM maneuvers.

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40: I have never expressed a desire, in public or in private, to pee all over your face.

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43

Bukkake doesn't involve urine.

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44

Yes, I'm aware, but it's the closest approximation I can produce reliably.

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45

Really?

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46

There should be a kind of porn where a crowd of women menstruates all over a man. I would get off like you wouldn't believe.

As it stands, no Actual Existing Porn satisfies me.

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47

No Actual Existing Porn

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45: I am serious about that divorce threat.

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49

There should be a kind of porn where a crowd of women menstruates all over a man.

I'd bet good money that it exists.

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50

I thought bukkake was a noodle dish.

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51

Apostropher, It would at least have to be rare, just because of the obvious logistical problems involved.

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52

Well, yes, the crowd aspect would be tricky.

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53

Bukkake is also a noodle dish.

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54

In fact, I would be willing to bet up to 25¢ that although certainly people have conceived of doing a porn performance of the kind I have delineated, no one in fact has succeeded in doing so.

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55

You may have found your calling, Adam.

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56

If he were truly a feminist, he would let her strap one on and "dig it out" as the kids say. A little balance of the penetration and conquest, hmm?

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57

Stroll makes a good point. What positions does he imagine these hypothetical girl-power threesome-mates taking vis-a-vis him, anyway?

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58

Explicit discussion of the geometry of threesomes is yet another example of the debasement of our public culture. You're embarrassing the angles.

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59

The geometry of threesomes must be extremely carefully calculated along with emotional and physical risk factors. One cannot make such a thing happen; one allows fate to provide it, much like the aligning of planets. At least, if one cares about those involved. And, if one has a long guilty streak. But when those planets align, it is your life's duty to make it count.

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59: absolutely; as you note geometry is crucial. and the emotional risk factors are combinatoraly worse --- but.....

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61

46, 56: Jesus, I am going to have to break up with *everyone I know* if this thread keeps going.

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62

61: Hence my position in #33.

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63

You may have a point; perhaps this is why I'm completely uninterested in the threesome scenario.

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64

You only say that because we live hundreds of miles apart.

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65

She wants you all to herself, Apo.

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66

I'm surprised you didn't have a heart attack, apo.

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67

I only skimmed the thread quickly, but I didn't notice any guys fessing up to mmw preferences. Is it time for me to start pretending that of course the thought doesn't make me hot and bothered?

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68

If you're referring to my diet, everybody is surprised every day. If you're referring to the basketball, I lived through the 8-20 season.

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67: Yes.

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70

there is a MMF porno marketed to the gay men that does not humiliate the woman and is pretty f$%^ing gay.

Hm. I've never found it and God knows I've looked. Most of the MMF pron I've seen is teh lamer.

Men who proclaim themselves feminists to women make me squirm a little anyway--when thou prayest, enter into thy closet ...

But, really. You're kinky (or stoned or lucky) enough to have a threesome but too finicky to touch same-sex genitalia? Uncool, dude, uncool.

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71

I lived through the 8-20 season

The fact that you say this in the singular only shows how lucky you are that UNC is nearly always very good.

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72

Total points to Chris for fessing up to being down with MMF. Once again, he delurks boldly.

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73

Oh yeah, I totally can't understand why anyone would be into that mmf stuff. It's just bizarre. But I would say that, wouldn't I? I am a feminist after all.

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72: Ooops. Sorry to let you down so thoroughly.

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75

Threesomes are a pain in the ass. First one I tried, everybody involved was too damn drunk; the second one, nobody was drunk enough.

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76

everybody involved was too damn drunk

Wrong drug, yo.

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77

wo guys together could easily overpower a girl

The longer I ponder this, the sillier it gets. I'm a fairly burly 200-pound guy. But adult women aren't five-year-olds. Working in coordination, two 130-pound women could overpower me—particularly with my testicles exposed. I mean, really.

Besides, any women I've known well enough to have a threesome with wouldn't have to say "I'm not comfortable with this" twice because, well, I know them. Very, very well, obviously.

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78

Besides, any women I've known well enough to have a threesome with wouldn't have to say "I'm not comfortable with this" twice because, well, I know them.

I think this is the key, Apo. If threesomes are a real possibility for you then there's probably a rough guide to how it happens, and happens safely, that you know or can sort out. In which case - more the merrier, or whatever would be appropriate.

But if threesomes seem unlikely to be in your future (me), it seems like the sort of thing that happens when everyone gets drunk and flirty, and no one's thinking too clearly, etc. In which case, you worry.

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79

Only 2 comments.

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75 Threesomes are a pain in the ass.

60 geometry is crucial

That said the three body problem remains mysterious.

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80: See, they were pretty much exactly like that, only with more awkward groping and guilt.

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82

there is a MMF porno marketed to the gay men that does not humiliate the woman and is pretty f$%^ing gay.

Not a porn and not tehgay, but Y Tu Mama Tambien would qualify.

(In other news I considered calling a game I asked my students to participate in "Group Sex" but pulled out at the last minute.)

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83

but pulled out at the last minute.

You should really wear a condom -- withdrawal is not reliable for birth control and provides no disease protection.

One of the first porn movies I saw (trip to Montreal as a 16-year-old, very excited to be able to go illicitly into bars, strip joints and porn theaters, so much so that I totally neglected acquainting myself with the city) was a mmf scenario with one of the men "in the middle" instead of, as you might expect, the woman. That was very exciting and I have never since seen a porn movie with a similar scenario. The standard porn mmf scenario is arousing but not to anything like the same degree.

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84

What positions does he imagine these hypothetical girl-power threesome-mates taking vis-a-vis him, anyway?

I'm reminded of Albert Finney's whine during the threesome scene in The Green Man: "I want to be in the middle!"

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85

MK, you're only 16 once, alas. In this life you will never see anything that good again.

Sorry to take away all hope, but life is hard.

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86

Dang. I am way late in on this one. Threesomes are tough, no matter how you slice em. I'm an F, and partial to the MMF, because I like a lot of cock. But if I'm in a serious relationship, I don't mind another girl.

But the math gets way easier, if the numbers go up.

(Name withheld, because my mum knows my screen name. But I know you know.)

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87

And speaking of screen names, might I suggest we use 2M+F or some alternate non-screenname-resembling shorthand for that particular threesome permutaton out of respect for our Paris-dwelling co-commentor?

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88

But is that what she wants, MAE? For all we know she's acting as the representative to Unfogged from a major international orgy consortium - which is, after all, home to a couple of renowned cock theorists - and she's chosen her screen name to imply just that. To assume...ass...etc.

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89

While your theory is intriguing, SCMT, it is not supported by the data.

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90

might I suggest we use 2M+F

Shouldn't we also distinguish between MFM and MMF, geometry-wise?

Thanks for the advice, Modesto. That would get me into even more trouble.

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91

Shouldn't we also distinguish between MFM and MMF, geometry-wise?

Where angles fear to tread.

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92

Oh boy, structural isomers!

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93

FFF + 3FFM + 3FMM + MMM = (F + M)**3

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= hott.

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95

I don't think it really matters what we call it, so long as it's clear that we're united in our disapproval.

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96

In this life you will never see anything that good again

So ya sayin', the only thing for it is to martyr myself in jihad in hopes of something better in the next one?

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note to DHS: I am not a terrorist.

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98

i found this thread a little late, am feeling a little schizophrenic reading it!

alas (as the case may be) I don't know french philosophers or associations of the SCMT sort. one of my favorite french philosophers is known to have said in print that his favorite form of pleasure was being fisted in the rear while on PCP. (i know: PCP?) but he died in the 1980s so he is not around anymore.

that was foucault if you were wondering.

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being fisted in the rear while on PCP

Well shucks, who doesn't like that?

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100

being fisted in the rear while on PCP ... that was foucault

Some clarification for the ignorant, please: is this serious? I'd really like to know.

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101

Isn't he the guy somebodyJackmormon asked Tia about catching HIV in a San Francisco bathhouse, back when we were playing that weird 20 questions variant?

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102

Oh and BTW -- Hilzoy links to this beautiful entry at Chaucerblog: "And oure bloode was hotte for werre – & eke, as eftsoones we lernede, for othir thynges."

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103

You just don't care, do you, Modesto Kid?

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104

Oh, my goodness -- I'm sorry. Missed that the first time around.

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105

yep, Urple - it was in an interview.

it's kind of interesting given what he wrote about how we're encouraged in modern culture to "confess" our sexuality, talk about it, turn it into an "identity."

he also used to demonstrate in favor of better conditions for prisoners - which, if you think about his prisons and madness books, is really great.

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106

But maybe that totally lame-o feminist line actually worked, somwhere, sometime.

I know, I know, shudder at the thought an all, but haven't we all--at one time or another--seen a mind-bogglingly stupid line work in the most improbable circumstances? This could be another one. For all we know, the object of our scorn is positively rolling in hott ffmness...

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107

Ok, so the "I'm a feminist" guy is lame, but...

The two women who were the other women in a couple of silly orgies I had when I was young have remained some of my closest friends, and I do think our friendship has a lot to do with having stripped it down to that level, as it were.

One of these friends, within a year after our good experiences, went with the guy involved in her and my FMF hookup into a MFM hookup and came out of it feeling very bad for reasons she couldn't exactly articulate. This was a very intelligent, very logical, very honest, very sexy woman.

So my personal experiences with This Sort of Thing tend to bear out Becks's friend's observations. If I knew more people who'd had wonderful experiences in MFM hookups, my anecdota would be different. Maybe those people aren't telling me about their wonderful expereriences.

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108

My buddy and I had tons of wonderful experiences, but we had to change bitches frequently.

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109

Everybody's so shy this evening!

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110

I'm not. I'm just bad at trig.

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111

But maybe that totally lame-o feminist line actually worked, somwhere, sometime. . . . For all we know, the object of our scorn is positively rolling in hott ffmness...

How hot can it be when both the women are really dumb?

Don't answer that. It's a rhetorical question.

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112

From what The Feminist told me, the "hott FFMness" was, at the time of our conversation, still an unrealized fantasy.

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113

Was he discussing it with you as a venue to realizing the fantasy?

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