I'm familiar with the peeing-on-the-electric-fence story, but the severing is a bit of apo-lore that I'm not familiar with. In fact, you could say this reference leaves me stumped.
So maybe we shouldn't rub in just how wrong, and morally corrupt the anti-genital-amputation case was. Maybe we should rise above the temptation to point out that claims of an "unkindest cut" were wrong -- again! -- how efforts at mutilation equivalence were obscenely wrong -- again! -- how the anti-amputation folks are still, far too often, trying to move the goalposts rather than admit their error -- again -- and how an awful lot of the very same people who spoke lugubriously about "reattachment surgeries" now seem almost disappointed that there weren't more -- again -- and how many people who spoke darkly about the Nullo Street and genitals rising up against penile "liberators" were proven wrong -- again -- as the liberators were seen as just that by the penises they were liberating. And I suppose we shouldn't stress so much that the anti-amputation folks were really just defending the interests of French condom companies and Russian penis enlargement pill investors. It's probably a bad idea to keep rubbing that point in over and over again.
Various genital mutilation bloggers e-mail to say that Apostropher is not the authentic face of genital mutilation. I wish I agreed with that. But, sadly, he is its very image today.
Y'know, I copies a similar string to my clipboard to make a snarky comment the other day, and didn't pay enough attention when I was editing a piece of direct mail, and accidentally pasted into the middle of a paragraph. It almost went out to 3000 surgeons.
A friend of mine was married to a woman from an exotic ethnic group different than Lorena's. According to him, in her culture Bobbitting was a recognized practice, with its own set of rules. What the Lorena was supposed to do with the penis was put it in a jar full of water, seal the jar, and throw the jar into a river. I believe that there is a mytho-cosmological explanation of this which is susceptible to a structuralist analysis.
In other words, you don't just throw it at a cop like this moron did, or throw it out into traffic like that bitch Lorena did.
A friend of mine was married to a woman from an exotic ethnic group different than Lorena's. According to him, in her culture Bobbitting was a recognized practice, with its own set of rules.
Did your friend know about this "recognized practice" prior to marrying her?
No no, it's called "12" because that's what it looks like when one of you puts on a baseball cap and flippers and the other lies down and does a bicycle kick. There's other stuff going on too but this is a family blog.
MAE: no, he found out after Lorena appeared in the news and his wife stood up and cheered. They eventually divorced for different but not entirely unrelated reasons.
Re: 26, back in perhaps 4th grade math class, a friend passed me a note w/r/t a question the teacher asked that read, "69." My other friend looked over and he and the note's author started laughing, so I laughed too. Then the other friend turned this to "696," which all agreed was hilarious. Not to be outdone but also not getting the joke at all, I wrote "36963," thinking that we were all amused by an evolving set of tranformation rules, but I was wrong. Very wrong.
The urologist who reattached the penis has my name. My whole name. When I read the following, it is as if I am talking about how easy it is to reattach a thrown penis:
Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.
"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.
But I did not say that. In fact, until I read what I said, I had no idea reattaching a penis was so easy.
It seems to me the success of penis-attachment surgery should be judged by straight women or gay men, not by millionaire patriarchal-oppressor penis-attachment surgeons, who are almost sure to be selfish lovers, if they indeed be lovers at all.
Also, afterwards should you masturbate a little more cautiously, for fear of re-separating it? I bet Dr. Greg Bales, with his trophy wife, didn't even think about that at all.
In a more-cautious masturbation scenario, would I/he recommend a water-based lubricant? I/He likely also didn't think about how to scratch when the stitches itch.
He also enjoys treating patients with metabolic evolution of kidney stone disease, male endocrine urology disorders, prostate disease and Peyronie's disease.
Back to the issue of package severance, this NYO article, complaining that trannies just ain't what the used to be, begins thusly: "Though I have never felt the need to chop off my own willie, I take no issue with those who have."
If you really want to be first to report a story like this, you could chop off your own penis and throw it at someone, just before your craftily pre-written blog is scheduled to auto-post.
Mr Severed himself
I'm familiar with the peeing-on-the-electric-fence story, but the severing is a bit of apo-lore that I'm not familiar with. In fact, you could say this reference leaves me stumped.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 1:28 PM
It refers to his penchant for stories involving severed genitals. Also, he starred in this film.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 1:30 PM
I am the Intarweb's premier genital amputation blogger.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 1:36 PM
You know, instapundit really lent a helping hand to those who were just starting out. But you-- you just hoard all the glory for yourself.
Indeed.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 1:39 PM
Y'know, it's much easier to smack someone in the face with your dick once it has been severed.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 1:43 PM
5 -- that's probably true if the dick is small.
Posted by The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 1:45 PM
As Jeff Goldstein learned to his sorrow, Apo.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 1:49 PM
Various genital mutilation bloggers e-mail to say that Apostropher is not the authentic face of genital mutilation.
I wish I agreed with that. But, sadly, he is its very image today.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 1:54 PM
So maybe we shouldn't rub in just how wrong, and morally corrupt the anti-genital-amputation case was. Maybe we should rise above the temptation to point out that claims of an "unkindest cut" were wrong -- again! -- how efforts at mutilation equivalence were obscenely wrong -- again! -- how the anti-amputation folks are still, far too often, trying to move the goalposts rather than admit their error -- again -- and how an awful lot of the very same people who spoke lugubriously about "reattachment surgeries" now seem almost disappointed that there weren't more -- again -- and how many people who spoke darkly about the Nullo Street and genitals rising up against penile "liberators" were proven wrong -- again -- as the liberators were seen as just that by the penises they were liberating. And I suppose we shouldn't stress so much that the anti-amputation folks were really just defending the interests of French condom companies and Russian penis enlargement pill investors. It's probably a bad idea to keep rubbing that point in over and over again.
Nah.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:08 PM
Whoa, Apo trackback. You guys got an Ampulanche.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:15 PM
I suspect you're not going to stop rubbing that point any time soon.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:22 PM
I suspect you're not going to stop rubbing that point any time soon.
They'll stop when it stops feeling good, of course.
Posted by Anonymous | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:23 PM
12 -- yeah, chafing is no fun at all.
Posted by The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:27 PM
(Probably it is more fun than amputation though.)
Posted by The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:28 PM
Chafing is the real man's method of amputation.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:29 PM
Various genital mutilation bloggers e-mail to say that Apostropher is not the authentic face of genital mutilation. I wish I agreed with that. But, sadly, he is its very image today.
Y'know, I copies a similar string to my clipboard to make a snarky comment the other day, and didn't pay enough attention when I was editing a piece of direct mail, and accidentally pasted into the middle of a paragraph. It almost went out to 3000 surgeons.
That would have been embarassing.
Posted by Chopper | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:30 PM
oops, 12 me.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:30 PM
12 me
If I knew how, I would.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:34 PM
18: First you have to juice some beets...
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:37 PM
Then, put on some lederhosen.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:39 PM
Okay, got that? Now, do you have a French horn handy?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:40 PM
A friend of mine was married to a woman from an exotic ethnic group different than Lorena's. According to him, in her culture Bobbitting was a recognized practice, with its own set of rules. What the Lorena was supposed to do with the penis was put it in a jar full of water, seal the jar, and throw the jar into a river. I believe that there is a mytho-cosmological explanation of this which is susceptible to a structuralist analysis.
In other words, you don't just throw it at a cop like this moron did, or throw it out into traffic like that bitch Lorena did.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:43 PM
Apo, you got me all excited, and then you abandoned me.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:44 PM
I have no beets and I must 12 Tia.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:46 PM
A friend of mine was married to a woman from an exotic ethnic group different than Lorena's. According to him, in her culture Bobbitting was a recognized practice, with its own set of rules.
Did your friend know about this "recognized practice" prior to marrying her?
Posted by MAE | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:49 PM
No no, it's called "12" because that's what it looks like when one of you puts on a baseball cap and flippers and the other lies down and does a bicycle kick. There's other stuff going on too but this is a family blog.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:50 PM
The Manson Family, maybe.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:53 PM
The Manson Family, maybe.
No, that's the one with body stocking, the hedge trimmers, and the ukelele. But I suppose I'll settle if you haven't got beets.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:55 PM
26: I just... wow. Beautiful. Bravo.
Posted by Matthew Harvey | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 2:55 PM
I suppose I'll settle if you haven't got beets
SCORE! Assume the position.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 3:00 PM
I wasn't planning on logically deducing the position, IYKWIM.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 3:02 PM
Thanks, MH.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 3:02 PM
MAE: no, he found out after Lorena appeared in the news and his wife stood up and cheered. They eventually divorced for different but not entirely unrelated reasons.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 3:11 PM
33: As a public service to all the unattached, or rather, unmarried men out there, would you care to identify the particular ethnic group in question?
Posted by MAE | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 3:16 PM
Re: 26, back in perhaps 4th grade math class, a friend passed me a note w/r/t a question the teacher asked that read, "69." My other friend looked over and he and the note's author started laughing, so I laughed too. Then the other friend turned this to "696," which all agreed was hilarious. Not to be outdone but also not getting the joke at all, I wrote "36963," thinking that we were all amused by an evolving set of tranformation rules, but I was wrong. Very wrong.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 3:23 PM
No, that would be stereotyping. You're on your own, MAE.
I guess I could say that you shouldn't take it literally if someone tells you that wives from group X are "submissive".
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 3:53 PM
I read the story, finally.
The urologist who reattached the penis has my name. My whole name. When I read the following, it is as if I am talking about how easy it is to reattach a thrown penis:
Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.
"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.
But I did not say that. In fact, until I read what I said, I had no idea reattaching a penis was so easy.
Posted by greg | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 4:16 PM
It seems to me the success of penis-attachment surgery should be judged by straight women or gay men, not by millionaire patriarchal-oppressor penis-attachment surgeons, who are almost sure to be selfish lovers, if they indeed be lovers at all.
Also, afterwards should you masturbate a little more cautiously, for fear of re-separating it? I bet Dr. Greg Bales, with his trophy wife, didn't even think about that at all.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 4:30 PM
In a more-cautious masturbation scenario, would I/he recommend a water-based lubricant? I/He likely also didn't think about how to scratch when the stitches itch.
Posted by greg | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 4:39 PM
38: of course, the answer is to have it gently attended to by a trophy wife, for several months at least. wasn't that obvious?
Posted by soubzriquet | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 4:43 PM
would I/he recommend a water-based lubricant
Probably a better choice than these.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 4:52 PM
Worst of all, of course, is Crisco.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 4:56 PM
Nobody wants shortening down there.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:04 PM
A few of us do, of course, but not many.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:14 PM
Speaking as your urologist, JE, I'd recommend against it.
Posted by greg | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:15 PM
Greg, your trophy wife likes it fine.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:17 PM
She always was nearsighted.
Posted by greg | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:17 PM
Greg, your trophy wife likes it fine.
John, she says that to everybody.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:18 PM
It's very unlikely that there are any penis-reattachment surgeons with my name. Though not impossible.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:29 PM
There is, however, a urologist named Dick Chopp, so anything's possible.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:42 PM
And Dr. Chopp should totally open a practice with the GI specialist Warren G. Butt.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:45 PM
From the link in 50:
He also enjoys treating patients with metabolic evolution of kidney stone disease, male endocrine urology disorders, prostate disease and Peyronie's disease.
Good times.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:48 PM
My husband knows a gynecologist (retired now) named Seymour Weiner. It'd be better if he were a urologist, of course.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 5:51 PM
53 -- Or if he were named Seymore Cuntt.
36 -- Ooh, I know! Is group X Hindu wives?
Posted by The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 6:52 PM
He could also be named Seymore Butts.
Posted by The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 6:53 PM
Wow man. I totally didn't know IMDB indexed porn. This is awesome.
Posted by The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 6:54 PM
There was a doctor named Seymour Kuntz, but they don't mention his speciality.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-17-06 7:11 PM
Back to the issue of package severance, this NYO article, complaining that trannies just ain't what the used to be, begins thusly: "Though I have never felt the need to chop off my own willie, I take no issue with those who have."
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 03-18-06 6:50 PM
If you really want to be first to report a story like this, you could chop off your own penis and throw it at someone, just before your craftily pre-written blog is scheduled to auto-post.
Posted by Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 03-19-06 5:53 AM
I meant "craftily pre-written blog entry", not blog.
Posted by Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 03-19-06 5:54 AM