Yeah, it's Into the Woods, the Sondheim show even people who don't like Sondheim like. It's a student production; whoever was playing the witch was no Bernadette Peters, etc., but I enjoyed it. Then you can get the cast album and hear "Stay With Me" sung as it's meant to be.
And I know the underlying feeling. With amicable breakups, there's always the feeling that in a nearby possible world, we're still together. When I've had tremendous crushes on friends who weren't interested (not the same situation I know), I would sometimes have people who I would call somewhat specifically to avoid calling the crushee. Maybe that can help.
If it's any use in getting yourself another fella, since he initiated the breakup you get to date whoever you want and he can't say a thing about it, but is obliged to eat his heart out.
Re: Amicable Breakups: Can't do them, never have. The men with whom I've remained friendly post-breakup have always had to go through some silent treatment for a month or three. As long as it takes to expunge them from my most immediate desire. (Some of them can never be expunged from my secret late-night deep-down desire, of course, but I can still be friends with those after the cooling period passes)
Like some other people, I'm a little uncomfortable talking about Gary when he's effectively out of the room. Especially when we should be talking about Tia's love life. C'mon everybody! Show that we take as much of an interest in her little dramas as stupid ol' Graham does!
Relationships are bad, since they don't exist but seem to.
Windowless monads are good, and actually exist. There are no real relationships, but only illusory appearances of relationships. The appearances are unreal too, but the illusions are real. Reality consists entirely of windowless monads plus illusions. Illusions seem to be windows, but aren't.
Every person is an island, as John Donne pointed out in sexist language which I have corrected.
I believed that I once was the guy someone called because she didn't want to call one of her crushes, and I suggest that people find some other solution to their problems. Because, of course, I ended up having to call some innocent third person afterwards, and so on infinitely, until the whole human race became bound up in a web of unsatisfactory, illusory, relationships.
I once played the Witch in Into the Woods, and I'm proud to say I nailed the part so hard I couldn't bear ever to do theater again. See? I don't even spell theater "theatre" anymore like theatre nreds do. Anyhow, "Stay with Me" was my favorite song to do in the whole show.
In other news, I know where you're at, Tia. Dudes have a hard time understanding why marriage and "love" are so threatening, yet they're often only capable of offering eternal affection and devotion to those of us who aren't the types to offer it in return.
I finally solved the problem by finding someone so badly burned by the whole marriage/kids thing that all he wants to do is the affection, happy times, and tons of sex parts.
Is it really a good idea to continue to enjoy the affections of your ex-amour if you know it will just hurt both of you worse in the end? Or do you think you can convince him to put the marriage-plot on hold?
I also once had a wonderfully amicable break-up with I guy I was only with a short time. He set me up with friends of his and we met for lunch once a week to make sure each other were doing well. Then he got a new girlfriend who forbade him from speaking to me. It probably wouldn't have ended up so great anyway. I take comfort in the fact that one can always stay Friendsters, no matter what.
I have a theory that friendships are not really friendships if they have to be declared as such. For instance, I have a really close "friend" who is so glad that we're "friends" after all these years, and she kind of makes me want to die whenever I'm around her.
I once played the Witch in Into the Woods, and I'm proud to say I nailed the part so hard I couldn't bear ever to do theater again. See? I don't even spell theater "theatre" anymore like theatre nreds do. Anyhow, "Stay with Me" was my favorite song to do in the whole show.
This seemed stunningly right to me, and I was trying to think of why, and then I realized it was because you have a distinct Bernadette Peters quality, AWB. You should consider picking her for "celebrity you resemble most" if you ever have a Nerve ad.
Is it really a good idea to continue to enjoy the affections of your ex-amour if you know it will just hurt both of you worse in the end? Or do you think you can convince him to put the marriage-plot on hold?
Well, admittedly, it might, uh, help if I stopped having sex with him, even on our current occasional basis. But then I can't help but think I'm still going to contrast any new situation to the security of being with him even if I weren't ever seeing him or talking to him, so I'd still feel inhibited from going out and finding someone new, and I wouldn't be having any sex at all.
Anyway, I certainly can't convince him to let the marriage idea go; he's just consumed with issues about how he's spent time in his life and he really, really wants everything he's doing right now to be putting him on the right path. He's working really hard on his career; he's resolved not to date anyone younger than 35. I don't want to convince him to mess around with me at the expense of finding someone who will feed him stewed prunes when he's 80.
I know there was an age difference, and I seem to remember that he's in his early forties. It seems pretty understandable that you'd each have different priorities. As a result, it's sort of a no fault breakup, and I could see friendship surviving it.
16: Hrm, in the amicable breakup that most closely conformed to this pattern, we already were thousands of miles away. Didn't stop the "nearby possible worlds" feeling. All told, though, I am definitely much more in favor of the amicable breakup.
it might, uh, help if I stopped having sex with him
Probably. I was going to suggest that this makes dating people a lot more imperative.
Wait -- brilliant idea! A year of Yes! Liveblogged! This would be the best thing evar!
In my experience, the presence/absence of the "nearby worlds" feelings has more to do with who did the breaking up than with how amicable the breaking up was.
Also, coming out of a serious relationship is a really good time not to be with anybody and spend a little time focusing on who you are when another person isn't flavoring the soup.
I've never been good about taking this advice either, but it always seems glaringly obvious in retrospect.
I had a really hard breakup a few years back after which I had to be single for about three years. I screwed around and met lots of cool people, and got the love and support I needed from my friends. Can you separate the two functions for a while, Tia? Sex with strangers has its benefits!
Now, though I have a great bf, I talk to my platonic friend in Cali far more often and it's my friend I go to with all my petty little problems. If the bf were needier, he'd probably have complaints about that. Luckily, we're nicely matched in our desire to live mostly separate lives.
Often, dinosaurs get so hung up on finding "the one" that they forget everything else. You can have an entirely rewarding life without being "so madly in love" with someone! Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
gonna diverge from what I have been seeing as the main thrust of commentary... but... um... er... marry the fucker? You guys click and you want him. Commit, commit, just commit already. And seriously, where are you going to find another to put you in the handcuffs like he do? Come on girl!
I had a really hard breakup a few years back after which I had to be single for about three years. I screwed around and met lots of cool people, and got the love and support I needed from my friends. Can you separate the two functions for a while, Tia? Sex with strangers has its benefits!
I guess my problem is that I feel like all the love I got from Graham makes me less interested in/more trepidatious about sex with strangers. I'm used to really comfortable sex; it's hard to go back to the unfamiliar again. Also, I'm way needier than you, AWB. My best friend lives in Ca too; I need people who are physically around me.
And seriously, where are you going to find another to put you in the handcuffs like he do?
The walk out onto the street and swing a cat method has proven to be pretty reliable. I'm luckier to have had one who wasn't an asshole.
But dude, I'm 26. He's 47. Hopefully I'm going to be starting a psych grad program in a couple of years that could be anywhere in the country. I love him a lot, but not in a positive-he's-my-soulmate kind of way. Maybe I'll love the person I eventually marry, if I get married, in just the same way; I'll just be ready to then, but seriously, if you don't feel like settling down, pretending you do is just a recipe for unhappiness and resentment.
Of course you don't want to settle down with the wrong one. But all this attachment you feel--- you say it yourself--- what in the world is that about? Why aren't you moving on already? Re age differences... they often create opportunities in that both persons are not in the throes of establishing a career. My partner is 20 years older than I and when he retired at 53 that is when I went back to grad school--- and so we have been able to follow my career. That is something to think about-- and it could have some relevance to your situation (or so not)--- though Mr. B's are rare--- i.e., guys who will move for their wife's career. P.S. I have not the slightest idea what you meant about the cat. I was making reference to the idea that I had that you and your former BF did some bondage.
P.S. I have not the slightest idea what you meant about the cat. I was making reference to the idea that I had that you and your former BF did some bondage.
I meant that men to put you in cuffs were not a scarce commodity, in fact, so common, that if I went out on the street and swung a cat, I'd hit one. Anyway, Graham is just establishing his career; he changed, mid-life, and I'm pretty sure NYC will always be the best place for him, job-wise, I don't want to stay...the list goes on.
I think you're on the right path to recovery from amicable breakup by playing a minx on the internets, which is a perfectly great way of enjoying flirting without having to feel guilty. Plus, fun.
I've hesitating commenting on this thread because I've regretted obsessively pretty much every breakup where I couldn't find some reason to contemn the other. (That's only a very select few, by the way.) But here is my I-know-it-might-come-across-as-bullshit advice:
--Girlfriends, particularly single girlfriends or very comfortably married girlfriends, can provide that crucial unfiltered confession and intimacy.
--Stay busy: join clubs, non-profits, or campaigns, but choose a hobby that accords with *your* interests that will put you in regular contact with actual humans. Unfogged is kinda like actual human contact, and more so now that meet-ups are happening more often 'round your parts (IYKWIM), but for recovering from breakup purposes, I'd advocate a hobby a little more, um, incarnated.
--You're young and hottt and smart. You *will* find someone else when you're ready. And of course you'll also be able to find some fun if you like, and that need not be with eegits-for-an-evening.
-The relationship has run its course. It seems to have run its course because he wants to get married and you don't, not for any hateful reasons, so there's a reasonable chance you two could end up friends.
-In my limited experience, though, there has to be a cooling off-no contact period before you two can be friends, as opposed to people-who-have-sex-until-someone-moves-on.
-This generally requires someone having the guts to say, let's move on and giving it six months/a year/two years. Otherwise, what was an amicable breakup turns ugly.
-The internet does not count as actual human contact.
Amicable breakups are hard, largely because the ex is still around and still clearly superior to most other possible options. I can't think of any better advice than putting a fair amount of effort into being non-romantically social with people, and not sweating the romance bit for a couple of months.
Make Boggle dates, find a campaign to volunteer for, take a writing workshop -- something.
I think I'm fortunate in always having been dumped with a certain finality. I think within a week or so, I always knew it was time to stop trying. I wouldn't have thought myself fortunate at the time, but you've made me think of it in a different light. And I knew several friends who were on-again off-again for years. Can't you think of something cruel or unforgivable you might do?
Clearly time for an unfogged meetup round Tia's parts.
Of course I don't have any serious advice. You both want important, incompatible things, friendshoip can probably only flourish when they seem less important, because all the incompatible choices you both want to make have been made and lived with. Nostalgic boinking isn't going to help with that process.
I say we fix up Tia with FL, and make them both live-blog all dates. (This will restrict any sexual activity to things that can be done while typing, but one must suffer for one's art.)
It's funny, there was another movie I just saw about preternaturally young-seeming OC high school students, who behaved in a manner characteristic of kindergartners, putting worms in each other's shoes, etc. What was it called? Oh yeah, Ick.
I liked the three movies, shot at three different OC high schools, that were allegorical representations of hell, purgatory, and heaven, together called Triptych.
Then there was the movie about refugees from an OC high school who formed a Topanga Canyon commune, but inadvertantly reproduced all the same hierarchies: Clique.
There was also the movie about the kid who transferred to an OC high school from a rural Appalachian school, and couldn't stop daydreaming about the stream that ran behind his old house.
Back in the first season of "The O.C." I was pushing Kevin Drum to get some kind of synergy thing going with it and Calpundit (alas for Calpundit, subsumed by the Washington Monthly behemoth!) but I guess that never worked out.
We've drifted from the topic of the thread, which is how Tia get over her ex so that she can acquire the impedimentia of a successful new relationship, such as the occasional love-bite on the side of the neck.
Rebuffed by rural congregations, Graham found an eager audience in 1830 among Philadelphia's young men as lecturer for the Pennsylvania Temperance Society. Moved by their "entreaties, and importunities, and...heart-rending appeals" - and emboldened perhaps by his easy victory over alcohol - he dared to challenge a far more familiar and intransigent foe of self-making young men. His lecture openly discussing the perils of sexuality was a sensation; and until he finally published it in 1834, popular demand kept him on the lucrative lecture circuit through the northeastern cities. Drawing two thousand New Yorkers on one occasion, he was mobbed on another in Portland for besmirching the purity of a female audience and mobbed twice more by Boston butchers for denouncing meat as sexually exciting.
My favorite transcendentalist (Fruitlands edition) is the guy who changed his name to his original name, only backwards. He totally was become a transparent eyeball.
Does this recommendation also apply to Sondheim neophytes?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:14 AM
Yeah, it's Into the Woods, the Sondheim show even people who don't like Sondheim like. It's a student production; whoever was playing the witch was no Bernadette Peters, etc., but I enjoyed it. Then you can get the cast album and hear "Stay With Me" sung as it's meant to be.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:20 AM
Who else would take such an interest in my little dramas?
Posted by Chopped Liver | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:21 AM
Thanks for the biscuit conditional, anyway.
And I know the underlying feeling. With amicable breakups, there's always the feeling that in a nearby possible world, we're still together. When I've had tremendous crushes on friends who weren't interested (not the same situation I know), I would sometimes have people who I would call somewhat specifically to avoid calling the crushee. Maybe that can help.
If it's any use in getting yourself another fella, since he initiated the breakup you get to date whoever you want and he can't say a thing about it, but is obliged to eat his heart out.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:28 AM
I know it's totally off-topic, but...
I guess Kieran Healy really dislikes Gary Farber for some reason, eh?
Posted by arthegall | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:30 AM
5: Ouch.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:33 AM
Re: Amicable Breakups: Can't do them, never have. The men with whom I've remained friendly post-breakup have always had to go through some silent treatment for a month or three. As long as it takes to expunge them from my most immediate desire. (Some of them can never be expunged from my secret late-night deep-down desire, of course, but I can still be friends with those after the cooling period passes)
Posted by m | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:35 AM
5,6: That seems like an unneccessarily harsh response to me.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:41 AM
Like some other people, I'm a little uncomfortable talking about Gary when he's effectively out of the room. Especially when we should be talking about Tia's love life. C'mon everybody! Show that we take as much of an interest in her little dramas as stupid ol' Graham does!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:44 AM
Yes, I'm much more a fan of the "initially dramatic/traumatic but eventually amicable" breakup.
Maybe you need to have a fight so as to make it temporarily un-amicable? This is actually not very good advice.
Posted by Matthew Harvey | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:45 AM
Relationships are bad, since they don't exist but seem to.
Windowless monads are good, and actually exist. There are no real relationships, but only illusory appearances of relationships. The appearances are unreal too, but the illusions are real. Reality consists entirely of windowless monads plus illusions. Illusions seem to be windows, but aren't.
Every person is an island, as John Donne pointed out in sexist language which I have corrected.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:12 AM
One of my ex-girlfriends is still my closest friend.
That's because we're back together.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:25 AM
But wouldn't the archetypal amicable breakup be that between Ogged and the ex? Clearly, that ruined his life, or at least came close.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:27 AM
12 is exactly the sort of example that creates the dangerous thinking I mentioned at the beginning of the second paragraph of 4.
(While you're parsing that sentence, I'm going to steal your wallet.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:29 AM
I believed that I once was the guy someone called because she didn't want to call one of her crushes, and I suggest that people find some other solution to their problems. Because, of course, I ended up having to call some innocent third person afterwards, and so on infinitely, until the whole human race became bound up in a web of unsatisfactory, illusory,
relationships.Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:36 AM
if the amicable break-up involves moving thousands of miles away from each other, then it is okay.
Posted by mmf! | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:42 AM
I once played the Witch in Into the Woods, and I'm proud to say I nailed the part so hard I couldn't bear ever to do theater again. See? I don't even spell theater "theatre" anymore like theatre nreds do. Anyhow, "Stay with Me" was my favorite song to do in the whole show.
In other news, I know where you're at, Tia. Dudes have a hard time understanding why marriage and "love" are so threatening, yet they're often only capable of offering eternal affection and devotion to those of us who aren't the types to offer it in return.
I finally solved the problem by finding someone so badly burned by the whole marriage/kids thing that all he wants to do is the affection, happy times, and tons of sex parts.
Is it really a good idea to continue to enjoy the affections of your ex-amour if you know it will just hurt both of you worse in the end? Or do you think you can convince him to put the marriage-plot on hold?
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:52 AM
I also once had a wonderfully amicable break-up with I guy I was only with a short time. He set me up with friends of his and we met for lunch once a week to make sure each other were doing well. Then he got a new girlfriend who forbade him from speaking to me. It probably wouldn't have ended up so great anyway. I take comfort in the fact that one can always stay Friendsters, no matter what.
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:59 AM
I have a theory that friendships are not really friendships if they have to be declared as such. For instance, I have a really close "friend" who is so glad that we're "friends" after all these years, and she kind of makes me want to die whenever I'm around her.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 12:06 PM
19: So true. I can't remember the last time I told someone I genuinely care about "I am SO glad we're friends!!" Ugh.
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 12:12 PM
I once played the Witch in Into the Woods, and I'm proud to say I nailed the part so hard I couldn't bear ever to do theater again. See? I don't even spell theater "theatre" anymore like theatre nreds do. Anyhow, "Stay with Me" was my favorite song to do in the whole show.
This seemed stunningly right to me, and I was trying to think of why, and then I realized it was because you have a distinct Bernadette Peters quality, AWB. You should consider picking her for "celebrity you resemble most" if you ever have a Nerve ad.
Is it really a good idea to continue to enjoy the affections of your ex-amour if you know it will just hurt both of you worse in the end? Or do you think you can convince him to put the marriage-plot on hold?
Well, admittedly, it might, uh, help if I stopped having sex with him, even on our current occasional basis. But then I can't help but think I'm still going to contrast any new situation to the security of being with him even if I weren't ever seeing him or talking to him, so I'd still feel inhibited from going out and finding someone new, and I wouldn't be having any sex at all.
Anyway, I certainly can't convince him to let the marriage idea go; he's just consumed with issues about how he's spent time in his life and he really, really wants everything he's doing right now to be putting him on the right path. He's working really hard on his career; he's resolved not to date anyone younger than 35. I don't want to convince him to mess around with me at the expense of finding someone who will feed him stewed prunes when he's 80.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 12:23 PM
I know there was an age difference, and I seem to remember that he's in his early forties. It seems pretty understandable that you'd each have different priorities. As a result, it's sort of a no fault breakup, and I could see friendship surviving it.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 12:29 PM
16: Hrm, in the amicable breakup that most closely conformed to this pattern, we already were thousands of miles away. Didn't stop the "nearby possible worlds" feeling. All told, though, I am definitely much more in favor of the amicable breakup.
it might, uh, help if I stopped having sex with him
Probably. I was going to suggest that this makes dating people a lot more imperative.
Wait -- brilliant idea! A year of Yes! Liveblogged! This would be the best thing evar!
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 12:36 PM
For us, I mean.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 12:39 PM
In my experience, the presence/absence of the "nearby worlds" feelings has more to do with who did the breaking up than with how amicable the breaking up was.
Posted by Wehttam Saiselgy | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 1:08 PM
"If the amicable break-up involves moving thousands of miles away from each other, then it is okay."
Parents, too.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 1:22 PM
Going back for seconds is an almost invariably bad idea that I've only rarely avoided.
are they going to make me feel bathed in love and acceptance
That comes later. Now's the time for concentrating on having fun.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 1:26 PM
Also, coming out of a serious relationship is a really good time not to be with anybody and spend a little time focusing on who you are when another person isn't flavoring the soup.
I've never been good about taking this advice either, but it always seems glaringly obvious in retrospect.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 1:43 PM
By myself, I mainly just sit on the computer leaving stupid blog comments. Being in a relationship seems like an obvious improvement.
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 1:49 PM
I dunno, Adam. Look at me.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 1:52 PM
I mainly just sit on the computer
Doesn't that make it hard to reach the keyboard?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 1:55 PM
Doesn't that make it hard to reach the keyboard?
Not necessarily.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 1:59 PM
I meant "at."
Posted by Adam Kotsko | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 2:05 PM
I had a really hard breakup a few years back after which I had to be single for about three years. I screwed around and met lots of cool people, and got the love and support I needed from my friends. Can you separate the two functions for a while, Tia? Sex with strangers has its benefits!
Now, though I have a great bf, I talk to my platonic friend in Cali far more often and it's my friend I go to with all my petty little problems. If the bf were needier, he'd probably have complaints about that. Luckily, we're nicely matched in our desire to live mostly separate lives.
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 5:34 PM
Often, dinosaurs get so hung up on finding "the one" that they forget everything else. You can have an entirely rewarding life without being "so madly in love" with someone! Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 7:32 PM
T-Rex has the answers to everything.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 7:35 PM
I giggled outrageously at that just now in my private room.
Posted by A White Bear | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 7:37 PM
gonna diverge from what I have been seeing as the main thrust of commentary... but... um... er... marry the fucker? You guys click and you want him. Commit, commit, just commit already. And seriously, where are you going to find another to put you in the handcuffs like he do? Come on girl!
Posted by Mark | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 8:14 PM
I had a really hard breakup a few years back after which I had to be single for about three years. I screwed around and met lots of cool people, and got the love and support I needed from my friends. Can you separate the two functions for a while, Tia? Sex with strangers has its benefits!
I guess my problem is that I feel like all the love I got from Graham makes me less interested in/more trepidatious about sex with strangers. I'm used to really comfortable sex; it's hard to go back to the unfamiliar again. Also, I'm way needier than you, AWB. My best friend lives in Ca too; I need people who are physically around me.
And seriously, where are you going to find another to put you in the handcuffs like he do?
The walk out onto the street and swing a cat method has proven to be pretty reliable. I'm luckier to have had one who wasn't an asshole.
But dude, I'm 26. He's 47. Hopefully I'm going to be starting a psych grad program in a couple of years that could be anywhere in the country. I love him a lot, but not in a positive-he's-my-soulmate kind of way. Maybe I'll love the person I eventually marry, if I get married, in just the same way; I'll just be ready to then, but seriously, if you don't feel like settling down, pretending you do is just a recipe for unhappiness and resentment.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 8:46 PM
Of course you don't want to settle down with the wrong one. But all this attachment you feel--- you say it yourself--- what in the world is that about? Why aren't you moving on already? Re age differences... they often create opportunities in that both persons are not in the throes of establishing a career. My partner is 20 years older than I and when he retired at 53 that is when I went back to grad school--- and so we have been able to follow my career. That is something to think about-- and it could have some relevance to your situation (or so not)--- though Mr. B's are rare--- i.e., guys who will move for their wife's career. P.S. I have not the slightest idea what you meant about the cat. I was making reference to the idea that I had that you and your former BF did some bondage.
Posted by Mark | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 9:05 PM
I ended up not going to see that show, it was too nice a day to spend indoors plus I couldn't convince anyone to attend with me.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 9:37 PM
you and your former BF did some bondage.
Treasury bondage. The yield curve is inverting. So hott.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 9:40 PM
P.S. I have not the slightest idea what you meant about the cat. I was making reference to the idea that I had that you and your former BF did some bondage.
I meant that men to put you in cuffs were not a scarce commodity, in fact, so common, that if I went out on the street and swung a cat, I'd hit one. Anyway, Graham is just establishing his career; he changed, mid-life, and I'm pretty sure NYC will always be the best place for him, job-wise, I don't want to stay...the list goes on.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 10:01 PM
I think you're on the right path to recovery from amicable breakup by playing a minx on the internets, which is a perfectly great way of enjoying flirting without having to feel guilty. Plus, fun.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 04- 2-06 11:37 PM
I've hesitating commenting on this thread because I've regretted obsessively pretty much every breakup where I couldn't find some reason to contemn the other. (That's only a very select few, by the way.) But here is my I-know-it-might-come-across-as-bullshit advice:
--Girlfriends, particularly single girlfriends or very comfortably married girlfriends, can provide that crucial unfiltered confession and intimacy.
--Stay busy: join clubs, non-profits, or campaigns, but choose a hobby that accords with *your* interests that will put you in regular contact with actual humans. Unfogged is kinda like actual human contact, and more so now that meet-ups are happening more often 'round your parts (IYKWIM), but for recovering from breakup purposes, I'd advocate a hobby a little more, um, incarnated.
--You're young and hottt and smart. You *will* find someone else when you're ready. And of course you'll also be able to find some fun if you like, and that need not be with eegits-for-an-evening.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:10 AM
My advice:
-The relationship has run its course. It seems to have run its course because he wants to get married and you don't, not for any hateful reasons, so there's a reasonable chance you two could end up friends.
-In my limited experience, though, there has to be a cooling off-no contact period before you two can be friends, as opposed to people-who-have-sex-until-someone-moves-on.
-This generally requires someone having the guts to say, let's move on and giving it six months/a year/two years. Otherwise, what was an amicable breakup turns ugly.
-The internet does not count as actual human contact.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 7:17 AM
Amicable breakups are hard, largely because the ex is still around and still clearly superior to most other possible options. I can't think of any better advice than putting a fair amount of effort into being non-romantically social with people, and not sweating the romance bit for a couple of months.
Make Boggle dates, find a campaign to volunteer for, take a writing workshop -- something.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 7:43 AM
I think I'm fortunate in always having been dumped with a certain finality. I think within a week or so, I always knew it was time to stop trying. I wouldn't have thought myself fortunate at the time, but you've made me think of it in a different light. And I knew several friends who were on-again off-again for years. Can't you think of something cruel or unforgivable you might do?
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 7:58 AM
Clearly time for an unfogged meetup round Tia's parts.
Of course I don't have any serious advice. You both want important, incompatible things, friendshoip can probably only flourish when they seem less important, because all the incompatible choices you both want to make have been made and lived with. Nostalgic boinking isn't going to help with that process.
Posted by Andrew Brown | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 10:26 AM
Clearly time for an unfogged meetup round Tia's parts.
Nothing she's posted suggests she'd be into groups round her parts.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 10:34 AM
50: Umm, sorta.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 10:46 AM
I am filled with shame that this post has not got 100 comments. We are chopped liver.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:16 PM
53!
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:18 PM
53 gets it exactly right.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:18 PM
I just saw a movie which transplants 70s-style porn into an Orange County high school, Dick.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:19 PM
And I saw a movie about OC high school students were were secretly running an oil cartel: Slick.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:24 PM
That's not a porn movie title, Tia, but it does remind me about the inspiring tale of on OC high school soccer team, Kick, which I recently viewed.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:25 PM
I say we fix up Tia with FL, and make them both live-blog all dates. (This will restrict any sexual activity to things that can be done while typing, but one must suffer for one's art.)
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:25 PM
Back before movies when OC was still heavily rural, there was a play about the locals, Hick.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:27 PM
I like the movie about the OC high school infirmary, Sick.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:29 PM
Surely everyone's seen the film about the OC high school serial poisoner, Strych.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:29 PM
It's funny, there was another movie I just saw about preternaturally young-seeming OC high school students, who behaved in a manner characteristic of kindergartners, putting worms in each other's shoes, etc. What was it called? Oh yeah, Ick.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:30 PM
Then there was the movie about movies about OC high school students, Flick.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:31 PM
I liked the three movies, shot at three different OC high schools, that were allegorical representations of hell, purgatory, and heaven, together called Triptych.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:31 PM
I liked the documentary about OC high school students who drag-race manual transmission cars.
Called something like Gear Shift, I think.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:32 PM
What inventory of sounds or collection of accents does LB have, such that "shift" rhymes with "brick"?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:33 PM
Then there was the movie about refugees from an OC high school who formed a Topanga Canyon commune, but inadvertantly reproduced all the same hierarchies: Clique.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:34 PM
Stick.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:34 PM
In the nineteenth century, before spelling was completely standardized, the OC high schools used to publish things called Yeare Books [sic].
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:34 PM
There was the film about the time Ben's mom visited the OC high school and made $10,000 in a weekend, called something like John.
Posted by Joe Drymala | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:35 PM
Triptych
It was okay, but mostly a rip-off of Flirt.
I'm just amazed that Tia has posted this many comments before giving us the synopsis of Lick.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:35 PM
Drat.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:35 PM
No, LB, the movie you're think about is clutch.
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:35 PM
68, if it isn't obvious, to 66.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:35 PM
And the movie about the black market trade in pens in OC high schools, Papermate.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:38 PM
I'm just amazed that Tia has posted this many comments before giving us the synopsis of Lick.
I didn't see that one. I did see the one about an OC High School populated entirely by Tourette's Sufferers.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:39 PM
It was called Swizzle Stick.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:42 PM
I understand they're making a movie about this thread. The title was something Yiddish.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:45 PM
They're also doing a movie of The Secret Garden, but set in an OC high school. The working title: Wick.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:49 PM
It was called Swizzle Stick.
The full title was Swizzle (sizzlebizzlefizzlemotherfuckerpissonetwothreefour) Stick.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:55 PM
There was also the movie about the kid who transferred to an OC high school from a rural Appalachian school, and couldn't stop daydreaming about the stream that ran behind his old house.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 1:55 PM
There used to be a creek running behind my house, but it dried up.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:02 PM
LB: You totally misinterpreted it. It was about temporary but irritating neck pain.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:04 PM
Ran out of song and speed?
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:05 PM
84 to 82.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:05 PM
I grow weary of this schtick.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:07 PM
Heyyyy, I just got 78.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:07 PM
They call me subtle. Actually, they don't call me subtle. Actually, they hardly ever call me.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:08 PM
Talk subtly to me, baby
Posted by The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:10 PM
Oh, anyone catch the Goya exhibit?
Posted by ac | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:18 PM
They call me subtle. Actually, they don't call me subtle. Actually, they hardly ever call me.
Are you sure they don't call you Groucho?
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:18 PM
90: Nice. Very understated.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:20 PM
Remember the scandal when that movie came out about Irish people in an OC high school, and its name was a derogatory term for an Irishman?
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:20 PM
You know who would be the best commenter here to star in a movie about an OC high school?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:20 PM
94: Weiner?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:23 PM
Back in the first season of "The O.C." I was pushing Kevin Drum to get some kind of synergy thing going with it and Calpundit (alas for Calpundit, subsumed by the Washington Monthly behemoth!) but I guess that never worked out.
Posted by The Modesto Kid | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:24 PM
95: No, silly.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:26 PM
97. Now I'm mystified.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:35 PM
icke
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:36 PM
My goodness.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:37 PM
Ah.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:38 PM
99-101: Sounds like an unsuccessful orgy in here.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:40 PM
Alas, there have been approx. 3 people who have pronounced my last name correctly on the first try. Actually rhymes with "sticky".
Apo is somewhat on the right track, though; apparently my name is an oddly conjugated form of 'Fuck' in German.
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:46 PM
Alas, there have been approx. 3 people who have pronounced my last name correctly on the first try. Actually rhymes with "sticky".
Maybe you should write a name pronunciation wiki.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:48 PM
Better call in his understudy.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:48 PM
Or if not a wiki, some other kind of doohickey.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:49 PM
Sorry for not rhyming, next time I'll be more quick.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:49 PM
Apo..we're back to Austrian placenames again
Posted by Austro | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:50 PM
Linz puppet.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:52 PM
<falsetto>Leibniz</falsetto>
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:53 PM
Sorry for not rhyming, next time I'll be more quick.
But we'd already moved on from -ick. You should have offered us a quickie.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 2:58 PM
I didn't realize the subject was so sticky.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:00 PM
Stop being so picky.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:00 PM
Keeping up is tricky.
[ad inf.]
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:01 PM
Lick me.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:09 PM
We've drifted from the topic of the thread, which is how Tia get over her ex so that she can acquire the impedimentia of a successful new relationship, such as the occasional love-bite on the side of the neck.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:10 PM
My 115 was totally on topic, LB.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:10 PM
One way is by procrastinating! I've been bad enough about my schoolwork that I had to tell Graham that no, I wouldn't come to his house this weekend.
But seriously, feel free to rhyme. For do you know what heals all wounds? Time.
(also feel free to discuss the phenomenon of breaking up in the abstract)
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:13 PM
Graham crackers are supposed to be good for keeping down the urges.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:21 PM
119 - Indeed, they are.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:27 PM
Matt wollte erfahren,
Woher er den Namen
Hatte.
Er schrieb an die Wiki,
die sagte:
„Oh man, thats tricky"
Weil, icke nisch wisse
Was war mit
Dem Ficke
Matt, voll Verdruss,
Setzte unter dem Namen
Einen Schluß.
Er blogt anonym
Und stellte sich hin
Als wäre Nomen
Nicht Omen.
....
I just couldn't resist the temptation. Hope its not too close to the bone.
Posted by Austro | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:45 PM
120: Graham believed a strict vegetarian diet would aid in suppressing carnal urges
If only...
I named Graham for graham crackers, you know.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:49 PM
Advice: Do not have flings with any roommates who may be manifesting their crushes on you by inappropriate American Idol-based hostility.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:52 PM
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 3:54 PM
My favorite transcendentalist (Fruitlands edition) is the guy who changed his name to his original name, only backwards. He totally was become a transparent eyeball.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 4:09 PM
Word by word, dammit. Maharba Ttereve would have been tight (and pronounceable).
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 04- 3-06 4:17 PM