I'll use yours, Cala. Unless you want to run it. But I looked at it just now considering whether to use it and I realized there were things I didn't get, and I needed to ask you clarifying questions.
There are footprints leading towards her body.
The woman did not cause her own death.
It was not a suicide.
It was an accident.
I say dunebuggy reversed over him and is currently sitting on the rock, but that may abuse the meaning of "tire tracks" leading away.
(I am not playing. I have things I desperately need to do, like find the packing tape so I can seal the box that my cat has just decided to sit down in, which was not part of the plan.)
Why the hell won't objects stay in one place? I can't find the fucking packing tape. I fear I may have left it in the Office Depot parking lot; I suppose I may as well go check, since if I don't find it I have to buy a new roll anyway.
Do the tracks show four tires? Or only two? How about one?
If one, is the dead man wearing only a speedo and a handlebar mustache? And if so, is he a circus bodybuilder crushed by his own boulder, causing his unicycle-carrying clown lover to ride away in hysterics?
Is this an African desert?
What color is the sand?
Is it a windy day?
Are there scorpions in this desert?
Is the rock an asteroid?
Is the dead man wearing pants?
The location of the desert isn't relevant, nor is the sand color. It is a windy day. Scorpions weren't involved. The rock was not an asteroid (but in my effort not to be misleading, I'll tell you that I looked up "asteroid" in order to answer that question). The dead man is not wearing pants.
The man drove to the place, with a friend, in a car. He got out of the car and was killed by a falling meteorite, whose impact kicked up enough sand to obliterate the car's tracks. The friend, heartlessly, drove away.
IS there some quality that a meteorite has that is important to the story, but that you aren't sure that a terrestrial rock might not also have? Or is its meteoriteness or not just irrelevant?
The bad guys drove up in the dune buggy or whatever with Lois Lane. It got windy enough to cover their tire tracks. Superman flew in to save her. They zapped him with the Kryptonite. The wind died down before they drove away, still in possession of Lois.
Superman carrying the car until he gets to the Kryptonite, when he loses his strength and the car crushes him, and the Lexus drives away?
It seems like whenever I try to do something something stupid happens and I spend half an hour staring into space, unable to do anything, because I can't find some crucial thing I had five minutes ago. It really pisses me off. I mean, I'll never seal the cat up at this rate.
I would rather the kryptonite meteor collided with superman in mid-air, and then fell to earth, crushing and entirely concealing a jeep full of, um, Karl Rove beneath it. after all, how can you possibly tell if the tire tracks are coming or going? huh? Huh?
Never mind. But I think these things ought to have thematic unity -- why not the mafia drove up in a dune buggy, shot some guy and threw him out next to a rock, the wind covered the tracks while they were doing it, and then they drove away?
84: Superman was always flying out into space and orbiting the earth at superspeed, in order to stop time or whatever (which, BTW, Standpipe, is how I do it) so he could easily have crashed in to a meteorite over the Sahara. Or if LL had kidnapped him, he might have taken him to his secret Saharan hideout.
I went to the supermarket to buy another roll of tape. My original roll, I assume, is currenty being used to secure the 12th beer to the hand of the 12th imam.
If we're going to involve Superman, why can't he just carry the car there for some reason, and then have passenger pull the Kryptonite on him? No high winds needed. Lex Luthor would totally pull something like that.
The cat didn't stay in the box very long at all. It would've been hard to tape the cat in the box anyway, since the box was full without the cat and the cat is not exactly low-volume.
I realize that the packing tape story has been the most boring story ever. And it's a really dumb thing to worry about. I mean, Ogged has cancer.
Get a new box. Pack the cat in it, and send it to Ogged. I'm sure that'll cheer him right up. Plus, purring cats have healing powers, and when he takes the cat out of the box, it'll surely purr in relief. Voila! Miracle!
A man is found shot dead in a limousine. The coroner confirms that he was shot from outside the car. Yet all the windows are bulletproof and the doors were locked.
Why, it couldn't be simpler, Nicholas! The assassin was using "phasing" bullets which can pass through obstacles by temporarily switching into the plane of reality which is occupied only by souls, but not base matter. Thus its path was unobstructed. When it came near enough to the victim's soul, it switched back into the this-worldly plane and entered his body, killing him (and, incidentally, destroying his soul and hope for salvation).
"in" is misleading: for why should we automatically assume that "in a limousine" means "in the smaller of the two disjunct volumes the surface of the limousine defines"? Suppose it means that the body was found in the larger of the two. Then when the coroner says that he was shot from "outside" the car, he means that he was shot from the smaller of the two volumes. Following the shot, the assassin closed the door (if it were open) and rolled up the window (if it were down), and drove off.
The coroner, working on the crime scene, took pictures from outside the car before continuing the examination of the body. This is how the man was "shot dead."
So, is the principle of lateral thinking that taking an unexpected new perspective on things can help you solve the problem? Having slept on the futon last night, as soon as I woke up I saw that the packing tape was on top of the record shelf thingy (which is above eye level).
landed on a stalagmite.
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:18 AM
She did not land on a stalagmite.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:19 AM
She's the wife of the abalone guy.
Posted by gonerill | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:23 AM
You never used my two-minute mystery. I will now pout.
But since I am doing laundry, I will also play the game.
Are there footprints leading towards her body?
Did the woman cause her own death?
If so, was it a suicide?
Was it an accident?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:24 AM
Iced with a stabicle!
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:25 AM
Wee-sicle from a plane landed on her and killed her, then melted.
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:25 AM
I'll use yours, Cala. Unless you want to run it. But I looked at it just now considering whether to use it and I realized there were things I didn't get, and I needed to ask you clarifying questions.
There are footprints leading towards her body.
The woman did not cause her own death.
It was not a suicide.
It was an accident.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:26 AM
Damn. This was a short game. Didn't Anthony win a game before?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:26 AM
Under controversial circumstances. BUt now I feel bad, so I take it back. Carry on!
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:27 AM
Okay, since Anthony already guessed, Cala, do you want to do yours and be the answerer?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:28 AM
I call foul. Weesicle wouldn't have made a puncture wound. If it killed her, it would have been the impact.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:28 AM
Bitten by a venomous frost-viper? Uh, by accident? It crawled into her pocket to stay warm? It's still there, watch out!!!
Posted by Todd | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:29 AM
Why couldn't it have made a puncture wound? What if it was a long, sharp weesicle?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:29 AM
No, I don't want to be the answerer, because there's no way I won't fuck it up and give wrong answers by accident.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:30 AM
We need a weesicle expert.
How many times have I said that today!
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:31 AM
Okay, then I'm going to email you because there's stuff I don't get.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:31 AM
"stabicle" should become one of the weapons in Clue...
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:33 AM
Okay, I put Cala's scenario on the main page.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:49 AM
A car and a rock fell from a plane onto a guy and killed him, then someone drove the car away. Also a weesicle may have been involved.
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:53 AM
A car and a rock did not fall onto the guy. No weesicle was involved.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:53 AM
I say dunebuggy reversed over him and is currently sitting on the rock, but that may abuse the meaning of "tire tracks" leading away.
(I am not playing. I have things I desperately need to do, like find the packing tape so I can seal the box that my cat has just decided to sit down in, which was not part of the plan.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:54 AM
Damn!
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:54 AM
And I think we're all enjoying the word "weesicle" a smidgeon too much.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:54 AM
quotes should be around "leading away"
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:55 AM
The dunebuggy is not sitting on the rock. "Tire tracks leading away" should be interpreted conventionally.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:55 AM
Why do all your games involve someone dying?
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:56 AM
i think "Dunebuggies!" should suffice as a solution, without explanation...
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:57 AM
Who's for Matt sealing the cat in the box and mailing it somewhere?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:58 AM
28: let me see if i can dig up some ex-girlfriends' addresses...
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:59 AM
A blog commenter, having asked too many questions, is found dead at his computer. What happened?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:59 AM
Dan Brown!
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:00 AM
Why the hell won't objects stay in one place? I can't find the fucking packing tape. I fear I may have left it in the Office Depot parking lot; I suppose I may as well go check, since if I don't find it I have to buy a new roll anyway.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:02 AM
Do the tracks show four tires? Or only two? How about one?
If one, is the dead man wearing only a speedo and a handlebar mustache? And if so, is he a circus bodybuilder crushed by his own boulder, causing his unicycle-carrying clown lover to ride away in hysterics?
Posted by The New Guy | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:03 AM
An epistemologist is trying to seal a box. He has no packing tape. What the hell happened?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:04 AM
Can you have "a speedo"?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:05 AM
TNG, the tracks show four tires.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:05 AM
Can you afford not to have a speedo?
Posted by The New Guy | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:06 AM
Is this an African desert?
What color is the sand?
Is it a windy day?
Are there scorpions in this desert?
Is the rock an asteroid?
Is the dead man wearing pants?
I'm working on a hypothesis...
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:06 AM
These four tires -- are they car-sized, or more like a remote-control car or perhaps a pram? Or both -- it's a Barbie Dream Car, isn't it!
Posted by The New Guy | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:09 AM
The location of the desert isn't relevant, nor is the sand color. It is a windy day. Scorpions weren't involved. The rock was not an asteroid (but in my effort not to be misleading, I'll tell you that I looked up "asteroid" in order to answer that question). The dead man is not wearing pants.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:10 AM
The tires are car sized.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:10 AM
And did Barbie's Dream Car burst, Alien-like, out of the guy's stomach, killing him, and then drive off?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:11 AM
Damn! So are you (almost) saying this rock is a meteorite?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:13 AM
The dead man is not wearing pants.
Mystery solved!
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:14 AM
The man drove to the place, with a friend, in a car. He got out of the car and was killed by a falling meteorite, whose impact kicked up enough sand to obliterate the car's tracks. The friend, heartlessly, drove away.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:15 AM
I'm not almost saying the rock is a meteorite.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:15 AM
Is the rock a meteorite?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:16 AM
Two astronaut with a moon roverish vehicle rode a meteorite down from orbit, Slim Pickens style! One did not fasten his seatbelt.
Posted by Moleman | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:16 AM
It didn't happen like LB said.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:16 AM
The friend, heartlessly, drove away.
After taking the guy's pants, as a memento.
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:17 AM
Has the dead man been dead long enough to fossilize?
Posted by The New Guy | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:17 AM
The truth is, I don't know if the rock is a meteorite. My investigations reveal that it could be a meteorite, but it could not be as well.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:18 AM
The dead guy hasn't fossilized.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:18 AM
Are you almost not saying it isn't a meteorite?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:18 AM
Was the man killed by impact with the rock?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:18 AM
was he dropped from a helicopter along with another person and an all-terrain vehicle? was it a black helicopter?
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:19 AM
Alright, tell you what. I'll say for the sake of argument that it is a meteorite.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:20 AM
The man was not killed by impact with the rock. Neither the man nor the vehicle was dropped by helicopter.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:21 AM
It's a windy day -- windy enough to obliterate tire tracks leading to the body?
Posted by The New Guy | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:22 AM
IS there some quality that a meteorite has that is important to the story, but that you aren't sure that a terrestrial rock might not also have? Or is its meteoriteness or not just irrelevant?
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:22 AM
Is the rock Kryptonite? Is the man Superman? And are his pants anywhere around?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:23 AM
Yes, it is windy enough to obliterate tire tracks leading to the body.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:23 AM
Why is Anthony so good at this? Superman, you'll note, wears tights. I just should have said 'no' to asteroid.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:24 AM
Again I cry foul. Superman is not a man. He is an alien.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:25 AM
Is there a flash flood involved here?
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:25 AM
I was just being silly. Superman isn't real, you know...
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:25 AM
If you prick him, does he not bleed?
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:26 AM
The dead man WAS wearing a speedo!
Posted by The New Guy | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:27 AM
Silly and right.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:27 AM
Notwithstanding not being real, how can Superman not be a man? Can superglue be not-glue?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:27 AM
if it was superman, what do the tire tracks have to do with anything?
Posted by mike d | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:29 AM
So, I still don't get the tire-tracks. Lex Luthor?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:29 AM
67: but you can't prick him, unless you have a kryptonite needle. who's driving the vehicle? or aren't we done yet?
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:30 AM
Lexus Luthor, I guess.
Posted by The New Guy | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:30 AM
Separate issue. Drove up, wind blew away the tracks, Lex killed Supe with Kryptonite, wind died down, Lex drove off leaving tracks.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:30 AM
The bad guys drove up in the dune buggy or whatever with Lois Lane. It got windy enough to cover their tire tracks. Superman flew in to save her. They zapped him with the Kryptonite. The wind died down before they drove away, still in possession of Lois.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:31 AM
Weinerpwned on my own Two Minute Mystery.
Posted by Tia | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:32 AM
Well, that's nicely wrapped up. Now we just need to know what happened to Weiner's packing tape.
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:33 AM
Superman carrying the car until he gets to the Kryptonite, when he loses his strength and the car crushes him, and the Lexus drives away?
It seems like whenever I try to do something something stupid happens and I spend half an hour staring into space, unable to do anything, because I can't find some crucial thing I had five minutes ago. It really pisses me off. I mean, I'll never seal the cat up at this rate.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:33 AM
I would rather the kryptonite meteor collided with superman in mid-air, and then fell to earth, crushing and entirely concealing a jeep full of, um, Karl Rove beneath it. after all, how can you possibly tell if the tire tracks are coming or going? huh? Huh?
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:35 AM
Never mind. But I think these things ought to have thematic unity -- why not the mafia drove up in a dune buggy, shot some guy and threw him out next to a rock, the wind covered the tracks while they were doing it, and then they drove away?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:37 AM
Or, or, in the variation... there's *no* footprints. Lex Luthor used a helicopter!
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:44 AM
The New Guy: please pick a pseudonym that will age better, if you would.
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:46 AM
What?!? Superman??! I was sure it was a male prostitute...
How can you possibly justify having said the location of the desert was irrelevent? Superman never once went to Africa.
These games are rigged. First, our nation's electoral system, now this! Is there no one I can trust?
Posted by Urple | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:47 AM
81: Because people are supposed to ask: Has the man been shot? Are there marks on his body? And you get to say NO, 'cause it's Superman.
DUH.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:48 AM
85. I sincerely regret not asking those questions.
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:51 AM
BTW are other people still getting Internal Server Errors?
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:52 AM
84: Superman was always flying out into space and orbiting the earth at superspeed, in order to stop time or whatever (which, BTW, Standpipe, is how I do it) so he could easily have crashed in to a meteorite over the Sahara. Or if LL had kidnapped him, he might have taken him to his secret Saharan hideout.
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 11:55 AM
87: Yeah, today's been really bad.
I went to the supermarket to buy another roll of tape. My original roll, I assume, is currenty being used to secure the 12th beer to the hand of the 12th imam.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 12:08 PM
83: It could be just like Pont-Neuf, though. Or the New Criticism.
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 12:09 PM
If we're going to involve Superman, why can't he just carry the car there for some reason, and then have passenger pull the Kryptonite on him? No high winds needed. Lex Luthor would totally pull something like that.
Posted by Moleman | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 12:11 PM
the passenger. Gah.
Posted by Moleman | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 12:12 PM
Will the dead man's pants age better than the new guy? Tune in next week to see!
Posted by Dead Man's Pants (nee The New Guy) | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 12:17 PM
67: Not if you use a decent lube.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 12:36 PM
87: Yes.
89: Is the cat still in the box?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 12:38 PM
It's Schrödweiner's cat.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 12:50 PM
The cat didn't stay in the box very long at all. It would've been hard to tape the cat in the box anyway, since the box was full without the cat and the cat is not exactly low-volume.
I realize that the packing tape story has been the most boring story ever. And it's a really dumb thing to worry about. I mean, Ogged has cancer.
(Now I'm sad.)
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 2:49 PM
Cheer up, Matt. I liked the packing tape story.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 3:02 PM
Get a new box. Pack the cat in it, and send it to Ogged. I'm sure that'll cheer him right up. Plus, purring cats have healing powers, and when he takes the cat out of the box, it'll surely purr in relief. Voila! Miracle!
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 3:05 PM
Kobe!
Posted by Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 3:05 PM
Does anyone know this one? Its pretty easy.
A man is found shot dead in a limousine. The coroner confirms that he was shot from outside the car. Yet all the windows are bulletproof and the doors were locked.
Posted by Nicholas | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 9:34 PM
Why, it couldn't be simpler, Nicholas! The assassin was using "phasing" bullets which can pass through obstacles by temporarily switching into the plane of reality which is occupied only by souls, but not base matter. Thus its path was unobstructed. When it came near enough to the victim's soul, it switched back into the this-worldly plane and entered his body, killing him (and, incidentally, destroying his soul and hope for salvation).
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 9:48 PM
Was he shot through the roof?
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 9:53 PM
Or from below, through the floorboards?
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 9:54 PM
He's in the trunk. Mob victim or something.
Posted by gswift | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 9:56 PM
Um, hello? I already solved this problem.
Also, car doors can be locked from the outside, too.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:01 PM
Um, the windows are down?
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:04 PM
"in" is misleading: for why should we automatically assume that "in a limousine" means "in the smaller of the two disjunct volumes the surface of the limousine defines"? Suppose it means that the body was found in the larger of the two. Then when the coroner says that he was shot from "outside" the car, he means that he was shot from the smaller of the two volumes. Following the shot, the assassin closed the door (if it were open) and rolled up the window (if it were down), and drove off.
Problem solved!
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:20 PM
No one's thinking is lateraler than mine!
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:20 PM
It just said he was "shot", not necessarily with what. Perhaps it was a cannon. Or a missile. Or a laser gun.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:26 PM
Or an accusing stare.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:29 PM
J'accuse!
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:37 PM
The coroner, working on the crime scene, took pictures from outside the car before continuing the examination of the body. This is how the man was "shot dead."
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:38 PM
In fact the man was found shot dead in Limousin.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 05-12-06 10:40 PM
A bulletproof oak cask.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 05-13-06 1:05 AM
So, is the principle of lateral thinking that taking an unexpected new perspective on things can help you solve the problem? Having slept on the futon last night, as soon as I woke up I saw that the packing tape was on top of the record shelf thingy (which is above eye level).
Posted by Matt Weiner | Link to this comment | 05-13-06 6:48 AM
Unfogged top hit for weesicle. Yay!
Posted by Anthony | Link to this comment | 05-13-06 8:57 AM
Matt, clearly by hiding the packing tape, the cat is trying to send you a message.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 05-13-06 10:23 AM
"Let me out of the box!"
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 05-13-06 10:44 AM
Superman shot the guy with a super-weesicle and then locked his body in the car.
Posted by Matthew McIrvin | Link to this comment | 05-14-06 10:48 PM