I have a really stupid question. This, ah, "material"--an iridescent film shot through with spider webs of mucoid stuff in a curious shade of magenta, rolling in a wave down both thighs. What is he talking about?
I dunno! He talks about it as if it's supposed to be something people are supposed to know, so I figured maybe the scrotally endowed would be able to explain the mystery.
I got the 'parents pulled me out of all sex ed' one, so I don't know what went on, because they thought that bald men shouldn't learn about the Wonder of Wonders.
Believe me, M/tch, if I could just go down to the corner store and buy a six-pack of beer like in a normal state, I totally would. As it is, I remain beerless, although I did discover some very old liquor bottles in the basement today.
Being of the name that I have, I received pads and other feminine hygiene products until I was 17, when they had decided, I suppose, that I'd either decided on a brand or in fact been mocked by every male in the community.
That material, B -- that's what you get when you mix one part jism with two parts pus.
I think this blood & treasures guy deserves the Nobel Prize for grace under pressure. Anybody who can describe his condition in solid prose when his gonads are under vicious attack, and not totally lose his sense of humor either, is some kind of hero. You chicks have no idea what this man went through. It's got to be almost as bad as childbirth.
when I had my dressing changed this morning, the nurse was pulling cotton wadding from my testicle with all the flair of a kiddies magician pulling strings of handkerchiefs from snotty noses at a birthday party
Call me "pedant", but is this really "live-blogging"? He's writing about events that happened in the recent past. "Live-blogging" should mean that his scrotum is exploding and he's describing it in real time on his blog.
I could post an entry about how yesterday I got lost in Macy's looking for the shoe department, but I couldn't call that "live-blogging."
The first two posts were real-time blogging of the lead-up to the explosion. The last one, well, I'm willing to give him a pass, as it would be difficult to type with one's eyes rolled back in one's head.
M/tch, I'm so sorry to be slow in wandering over here. I just can't think of anything to say about this guy blogging his nuts falling apart. I think it's probably because I'm too busy clutching mine and telling them it'll all be alright.
I'm also too stunned by mcmanus telling everyone about his little Rouchambeau (sp?) tournaments in that other thread. I mean, Jesus. My friends and I sought plenty of ways to occupy ourselves, frequently involving genital contact, but never quite like that. Oh, and we did drugs, of course. Just never enough to play a game of 'who can most gently stop Jane from rackin' 'im.'
Actually, I had to take a drug test last week (long story, work related, very disappointed in my employers, etc.). I really wanted to stare down the guy at the clinic and tell him he was a good eight years late on this one, but whatevs.
Oh, we should have y'all over sometime. Rah keeps saying he wants to do a dinner party, we just keep not finding the time. That's not me saying no, though, just saying that if you beat us to an invite we're going to owe you two of our own.
Dammit, apostropher. You were the one responsible for the dead chicken porn too, weren't you?
Posted by strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 10:48 PM
No, that was wolfson (who tried to pin it on Emerson). The result: crabs.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 10:52 PM
Seriously, has anyone else noticed that comments windows now jump to the front when they finish loading, whereas they didn't do so before? What gives?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 10:55 PM
Dear, dear god.
I have a really stupid question. This, ah, "material"--an iridescent film shot through with spider webs of mucoid stuff in a curious shade of magenta, rolling in a wave down both thighs. What is he talking about?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 10:55 PM
I am amused that his blog is called 'blood and treasure.' Owie.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 10:56 PM
4: See here.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 10:59 PM
Shut up, M/tch.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:08 PM
I wish I could, B.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:10 PM
I mean: oppressor!!!!1!!!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:10 PM
What is he talking about?
Cointreau.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:11 PM
Dude, I'm serious. Don't make me go around googling. What the fuck is this material?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:11 PM
Why do you we know what it is?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:12 PM
There should be a verb in there somewhere.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:13 PM
I dunno! He talks about it as if it's supposed to be something people are supposed to know, so I figured maybe the scrotally endowed would be able to explain the mystery.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:13 PM
teofilo all Becks-style n' shit.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:14 PM
I read him as explaining something that he doesn't expect prople to know, and indeed doesn't know himself.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:14 PM
15: I wish. Damn liquor laws.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:15 PM
14: I've never opened mine up to look.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:15 PM
Prople?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:15 PM
"People," obviously. I don't know why my typing is so bad tonight.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:16 PM
You are so fucking evil, Apo. I think I'm having sympathy pains.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:16 PM
You mean scrotal explosions weren't what you guys were learning about in 7th grade while we were being taught about the Wonders of Being a Woman?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:18 PM
I don't know why my typing is so bad tonight.
Your blood alcohol level, obvs.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:19 PM
22: No, we were learning about fisting from Ann Coulter.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:19 PM
Well, one class of scrotal explosions, but nothing like what Blood & Treasure describes.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:20 PM
22: Which group did you go with, Cala??
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:21 PM
23, meet 17.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:21 PM
Wait a second. Cala, aren't you of the Y-chromosome deficient variety of human specimen?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:21 PM
Cala is a 47-year-old balding man, just like everybody else.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:22 PM
27, meet implausible denial
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:23 PM
I got the 'parents pulled me out of all sex ed' one, so I don't know what went on, because they thought that bald men shouldn't learn about the Wonder of Wonders.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:25 PM
Okay, I'm shocked. But I have to admit you didn't miss anything except a free Always pad.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:26 PM
So Sex Ed wasn't sponge-worthy, huh?
And jeebus, this "jump to the front" window thing is driving me up a f&*king tree.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:28 PM
A free Always pad? We didn't get anything in ours. No fair.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:29 PM
Believe me, M/tch, if I could just go down to the corner store and buy a six-pack of beer like in a normal state, I totally would. As it is, I remain beerless, although I did discover some very old liquor bottles in the basement today.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:29 PM
I don't think they like to acknowledge that you can actually put things in there.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:30 PM
I didn't drink them, though.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:30 PM
a free Always pad
That one of those little notebooks the girls used to write in with their colorful gel pens?
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:31 PM
34: Yeah, it's just more evidence of the feminist conspiracy against boys.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:31 PM
Fuck this. I want my free pad. I'd even settle for a Sometimes pad.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:34 PM
39: Comity!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:34 PM
I'll send you a menstrual pad, Apo, if you'll send me a storebought cake.
Come to think of it, the juxtaposition there isn't just a coincidence.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:35 PM
Ooops! Premature comitulation!!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:36 PM
Typical.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:37 PM
I'll send you a homemade cake, if you'll send me a used menstrual pad.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:37 PM
B, you cake ho!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:37 PM
Proof positive that b-wo is a 47 year-old balding Japanese man.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:38 PM
Yeah, sure, Ben. I'll send you a whole wastebasketfull.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:39 PM
46: I want to be the girl with the most cake.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:39 PM
That's a lyric from Cakehole, isn't it?
I want to be the man with the most pads. And gray pubes.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:42 PM
Hmmm, I'm sensing some sort of Tribute Bands potential here, but I can't quite put my finger on it . . .
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:45 PM
B, you cake ho!
Hocakes
Hocakes
Hocakes
You are among distinguished company, B.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:50 PM
I'm actually surprised it's not worse.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-22-06 11:54 PM
Back to 2, what if that was really Wolfson having sex with the dead chicken and he was secretly pwning us all by linking to it?
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:08 AM
By the way, I think the "material" was a result of the Fournier's gangrene.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:09 AM
I would never secretly pwn you all.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:24 AM
Was that you fucking the chicken?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:30 AM
I cannot tell a lie.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 12:32 AM
Being of the name that I have, I received pads and other feminine hygiene products until I was 17, when they had decided, I suppose, that I'd either decided on a brand or in fact been mocked by every male in the community.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 1:15 AM
That material, B -- that's what you get when you mix one part jism with two parts pus.
I think this blood & treasures guy deserves the Nobel Prize for grace under pressure. Anybody who can describe his condition in solid prose when his gonads are under vicious attack, and not totally lose his sense of humor either, is some kind of hero. You chicks have no idea what this man went through. It's got to be almost as bad as childbirth.
Posted by Adam Ash | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 5:49 AM
You chicks have no idea what this man went through.
Does not match up with
It's got to be almost as bad as childbirth.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:34 AM
Ew. And also ow.
when I had my dressing changed this morning, the nurse was pulling cotton wadding from my testicle with all the flair of a kiddies magician pulling strings of handkerchiefs from snotty noses at a birthday party
That one will linger.
Posted by mrh | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:57 AM
This guy's blog is really interesting. I like his entry about Rupert Murdoch in China.
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 7:31 AM
This is what comes of not keeping your essence pure.
We must maintain Purity of Essence.
At the Mineshaft.
Posted by Col. Jack T. Ripper | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 7:37 AM
Call me "pedant", but is this really "live-blogging"? He's writing about events that happened in the recent past. "Live-blogging" should mean that his scrotum is exploding and he's describing it in real time on his blog.
I could post an entry about how yesterday I got lost in Macy's looking for the shoe department, but I couldn't call that "live-blogging."
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:01 AM
We don't tolerate pedantry here, da.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:14 AM
I thought twice about posting that because I thought I might be stepping on Wolfson's toes.
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:19 AM
Argh. "Thought twice" s/b "hesitated."
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:19 AM
The first two posts were real-time blogging of the lead-up to the explosion. The last one, well, I'm willing to give him a pass, as it would be difficult to type with one's eyes rolled back in one's head.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:33 AM
Still a hunter and pecker, huh apostropher?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:39 AM
I'm not a hunter.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:40 AM
69: I'm willing to give him a pass, as it would be difficult to type with one's eyes rolled back in one's head.
Yeah, but that's what I was led to expect from the post.
So disappointed.
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:48 AM
So disappointed.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 9:55 AM
71: Well certainly you're a pecker, but can you touch-type?
And what about dictation?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:01 AM
My Indian manservant does all my typing for me.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:05 AM
Can he do so while his eyes are rolled back in his head?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 10:15 AM
Damned racist southerners!
Oh! Uh . . . hi Robust! Um, how are you??
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:24 PM
If I weren't so busy making a testicle dressing out of these here drapes, I'd take up a pistol in RMM's (and the South's) defense, M/tch M/lls. ;)
Posted by Wrenae | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:32 PM
Myself, I prefer a lemony vinagrette.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:34 PM
Where the hell is Robust, anyway? I wrote 77 because he said he was on his way over. Sort of the cyber equivalent of baking a cake.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:38 PM
Isn't this an egg salad? If so, we'll have to use mayonaise, LB. Sorry.
I hear the lemon stings, anyway.
Posted by Wrenae | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:39 PM
Eggs? No. Females have those.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:41 PM
Oyster, then.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:46 PM
The Rocky Mountain variety, you mean.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:47 PM
Oyster? I barely even know 'er!
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 3:48 PM
M/tch, I'm so sorry to be slow in wandering over here. I just can't think of anything to say about this guy blogging his nuts falling apart. I think it's probably because I'm too busy clutching mine and telling them it'll all be alright.
I'm also too stunned by mcmanus telling everyone about his little Rouchambeau (sp?) tournaments in that other thread. I mean, Jesus. My friends and I sought plenty of ways to occupy ourselves, frequently involving genital contact, but never quite like that. Oh, and we did drugs, of course. Just never enough to play a game of 'who can most gently stop Jane from rackin' 'im.'
Posted by Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 5:43 PM
Oh, and we did drugs, of course.
Sure, "did".
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 5:45 PM
Apostropher, red wine doesn't count.
Actually, I had to take a drug test last week (long story, work related, very disappointed in my employers, etc.). I really wanted to stare down the guy at the clinic and tell him he was a good eight years late on this one, but whatevs.
Posted by Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 5:51 PM
Eight years? Dude, now that you've passed it, you should come on by the house.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 5:54 PM
To raid your collection of delecious wines? Anytime. But for other things, not so much.
True story: I quit smokin' dope when I figured out it made playing D&D harder.
Posted by Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:25 PM
but didn't it also make it fun?
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:28 PM
We will totally have you and Rah over for delicious wine. Let me check with Roberta for the open night.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:29 PM
Oh, we should have y'all over sometime. Rah keeps saying he wants to do a dinner party, we just keep not finding the time. That's not me saying no, though, just saying that if you beat us to an invite we're going to owe you two of our own.
mcmc: Hell yes.
Posted by Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:33 PM
"It's the Gelatinous Cube!!!"
"Dude, man. It's just a jello shot."
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:38 PM
"Dude, this shit is total shake. My druid is totally going to rebuke plants on your ass."
Posted by Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:42 PM
Oh, we should have y'all over sometime.
And then, the oral sex!
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 06-23-06 6:44 PM