Lest anyone actually start thinking about George Michael & that guy, here's an inquiry that seems right up Unfogged's alley, so to speak:
My friend e-mails me:
There's a word that I can't remember...I'm pretty sure it's from the Greek. It's the female
counterpart of 'phallic' or 'phallus' but it's not as commonly used. It's usually used when describing art. It's not vaginal or vulva or yonic...
She adds that there's something floral about it. "Baubo" and "pudenda" came to mind but neither is right. Anyone got a clue? Meaningless & trivial reward a possibility.
Yeah, and the guy's comments about the incident are just really fucking gross. Though I suppose when you're fucking a complete stranger you can't be held responsible if he turns out to be an asshole.
Kirtland's confession then took a bizarre twist as he bragged: "There's a secret that I have which no one knows about. It's a personal thing. Most people pull away from it. But George actually seemed to respond.
But then I thought, "these people are total strangers; they don't need to know how badly you need to know what Kirtland's terrible secret is." But now you know.
It might not do much for his relationship with his boyfriend. But that would be a risk one assumes when one goes trolling for blowjobs in the park (or so I've heard).
14: The secret is obviously that he has a Huge Cock. Whenever guys pull that crap about "I have a secret, it's kind of personal and embarrassing, but. . ." followed by "took it," it's a covert way of bragging about their enormous cock size.
22: I don't know. I'm no expert, but he looks more like a sock-puppet than like a guy with an enormous cock. Did you not CHECK OUT THE SEX SHAME SLIDESHOW?
22: No, I hadn't. And thanks so very much for making me.
Anyway, I didn't say he had an enormous cock. I said he's bragging that he has an enormous cock. By capitalizing Huge Cock in "the secret is," I was, you know, taking the piss. As the Brits say.
Whenever guys pull that crap about "I have a secret, it's kind of personal and embarrassing, but. . ." followed by "took it," it's a covert way of bragging about their enormous cock size.
I have a secret, and it's kind of personal and embarrassing. So I don't want to talk about it.
No one here will be surprised to hear I checked out the slide show immediately. Funniest bit: the contrast between the on-the-run shots of Michael and the super relaxed poses of the ugly dude. The man looks like he's posing for glamorshots, only with terrible shoes.
29: Maybe you know this, so sorry if I'm being patronizing, but in the language the Brits use, "to pull" someone basically just means to pick them up. NOTW may be attempting a double entendre there, but I actually don't think so.
And this is why I would never buy the News of the World (otherwise known as the Screws of the World or the News of the Screws).
TBH it astonishes me that what people do in their sex lives is still a subject for 'newspapers' - I can see that it's interesting (one only has to remember B's sex threads to know that people like to know what other people are doing!), but the judgmental reporting makes me very queasy.
44: This is the exact polar opposite of a healthy and empathetic interest in other people's sex lives, though, isn't it? The Screws is only interested in George Michael's activities to the extent that they can be used to humiliate him. (You cannot, for example, imagine the Screws' readers reading this and wanting to ask Michael, "well, what's it like?" or "really? Why?") It's not the sex they're swarming to -- it's the scent of weakness.
My own curiosity about the terrible secret of Kirtland's underpants is of course pure as the driven snow.
I expect they'll pay Kirtland a bit more in the next few days and get his terrible secret out of him ;-) And yes, you're completely right, and I didn't phrase my comment very well.
I bet it's a tiny deformed little face that constantly whispers the ninety-nine known names of God; during the moment of orgasm it will cry out the hidden hundreth name, but you will of course be too distracted to remember.
A quick search of art history glossaries reveals Venus pudica, and mimosa pudica turns out to be a plant. Pudica seems to be from Latin and shows up in relation to art on google.
How bad off does it have to get for somebody to take the job of trolling the park for trolls? Yeeks. "OK, Bob, your assignment this week is to hang out in a public park, after hours, while strangers have sex with each other behind the tree line. If any of them are famous, please take their picture. The rest of them are going to be guys with greasy mattresses in the backs of their vans."
In comparison, I suddenly feel great about every job I've ever had.
58: I assumed there are people who, rather than watch the parks, watch George Michael (and other celebrities, especially anyone who seems possible to provide copy and pictures) and follow where he goes. Especially late at night. Extra especially if they've heard a tip that so-and-so has been doing a little of you-know-what recently, and you might catch him if you play your cards right.
From 45: This is the exact polar opposite of a healthy and empathetic interest in other people's sex lives, though, isn't it?
Sure. But how many people have a healthy and empathetic interest in other people's sex lives who are not either their sexual partners, intimate friends, or paid professionals (certainly not all of the last category)? After that (if not before) it's pretty much all voyeurs and exploiters.
Lest anyone actually start thinking about George Michael & that guy, here's an inquiry that seems right up Unfogged's alley, so to speak:
My friend e-mails me:
There's a word that I can't remember...I'm pretty sure it's from the Greek. It's the female
counterpart of 'phallic' or 'phallus' but it's not as commonly used. It's usually used when describing art. It's not vaginal or vulva or yonic...
She adds that there's something floral about it. "Baubo" and "pudenda" came to mind but neither is right. Anyone got a clue? Meaningless & trivial reward a possibility.
Posted by Anderson | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 4:25 PM
The kitten blessed my bleg! I feel justified!
Posted by Anderson | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 4:26 PM
Yeah, and the guy's comments about the incident are just really fucking gross. Though I suppose when you're fucking a complete stranger you can't be held responsible if he turns out to be an asshole.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 4:26 PM
1: kteis? (Not floral, though; from scallop-shell).
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 4:45 PM
Yonic.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:10 PM
Ogged, that would be a great answer except for 1: It's not vaginal or vulva or yonic...
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:12 PM
Fuck. I blame the hemoglobin.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:13 PM
No matter. It's charming that you try.
Gonna update that blog ever?
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:15 PM
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by hemoglobin.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:16 PM
I'll update it eventually.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:18 PM
That's good news, but nothing can make up for the fact that no one wants to talk about George Michael park sex.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:19 PM
11: Well, did you see the picture of George? He's not looking his best either.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:23 PM
11: It's old hat, Labs. I mean, we've all had it. What is there to say?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:26 PM
11:
So I was about to post about:
Kirtland's confession then took a bizarre twist as he bragged: "There's a secret that I have which no one knows about. It's a personal thing. Most people pull away from it. But George actually seemed to respond.
But then I thought, "these people are total strangers; they don't need to know how badly you need to know what Kirtland's terrible secret is." But now you know.
Oh God could Kirtland's secret possibly be?
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:26 PM
George Michael likes to have his balls massaged by a sockpuppet. Now you know.
I feel bad for the guy; that doesn't make me a Republican, does it?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:30 PM
Which guy?
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:33 PM
George Michael.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:39 PM
Eh. He doesn't perform anymore, does he? It would suck to have that story written, but the continuing harm to him seems minimal.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:44 PM
the continuing harm to him seems minimal
It might not do much for his relationship with his boyfriend. But that would be a risk one assumes when one goes trolling for blowjobs in the park (or so I've heard).
Posted by Idealist | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:50 PM
Like if he was on the brink of lucrative 50-concert comeback tour?
Posted by joe o | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:50 PM
Wait, is he? Because he needs to get some plastic surgery on the eyes, if that's true.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 5:54 PM
14: The secret is obviously that he has a Huge Cock. Whenever guys pull that crap about "I have a secret, it's kind of personal and embarrassing, but. . ." followed by "took it," it's a covert way of bragging about their enormous cock size.
Labs will confirm this, I'm sure.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:14 PM
21: George is a man with the world at his feet. He's on the brink of a lucrative 50-concert comeback tour, which sold out in half an hour.
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:21 PM
22: I don't know. I'm no expert, but he looks more like a sock-puppet than like a guy with an enormous cock. Did you not CHECK OUT THE SEX SHAME SLIDESHOW?
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:25 PM
Why on earth would you be romping with that dude when you've got this at home? Hott.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:27 PM
23: "Feet" is clearly a euphemism.
Posted by mrh | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:30 PM
22: No, I hadn't. And thanks so very much for making me.
Anyway, I didn't say he had an enormous cock. I said he's bragging that he has an enormous cock. By capitalizing Huge Cock in "the secret is," I was, you know, taking the piss. As the Brits say.
25: Maybe hottie has a really tiny cock.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:31 PM
25: Sometimes you want a little strange, Becks.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:34 PM
Ok, the last picture in the "sex shame slideshow" is really disturbing. As is this line, from the article:
Yeeeaaah.
Posted by mrh | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:35 PM
27: Oh, I see. I assumed you were capitalizing Huge Cock out of respect.
Why didn't you check it out? If something's on the Internet and it's in ALL CAPS you really should check it out.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:37 PM
I haven't yet watched the slide show. I'm a little frightened of it.
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:39 PM
30: "capitalizing" s/b "sucking"
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:44 PM
Whenever guys pull that crap about "I have a secret, it's kind of personal and embarrassing, but. . ." followed by "took it," it's a covert way of bragging about their enormous cock size.
I have a secret, and it's kind of personal and embarrassing. So I don't want to talk about it.
I will, however, discuss my ginourmous schlong.
max
['It's fuckin' HUGE!']
Posted by max | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:50 PM
If something's on the Internet and it's in ALL CAPS you really should check it out.
Rules to live by.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:53 PM
No one here will be surprised to hear I checked out the slide show immediately. Funniest bit: the contrast between the on-the-run shots of Michael and the super relaxed poses of the ugly dude. The man looks like he's posing for glamorshots, only with terrible shoes.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:54 PM
Rules to live by.
My people have lived that way since back in old country.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 6:59 PM
29: Maybe you know this, so sorry if I'm being patronizing, but in the language the Brits use, "to pull" someone basically just means to pick them up. NOTW may be attempting a double entendre there, but I actually don't think so.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 7:07 PM
The man looks like he's posing for glamorshots, only with terrible shoes.
Aha! So the attraction for GM is that the ugly guy looks straight.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 7:12 PM
In a civilized world, one could shoot paparazzi.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 7:15 PM
The man looks like he's posing for glamorshots, only with terrible shoes.
And white socks! (Only, they look a little gray, probably because, as the News helpfully points out, they were picked from a pile of filthy laundry.)
I wish Kirtland had a cell phone clipped to his hip in that photo.
Question: Would it be more or less commendable if George had been caught with either Boy George or Pete Burns?
Posted by Paul | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 8:01 PM
37: I figured, but c'mon. "Pull"? "SEEDy"? Can we allow an unintentional double entendre? (A double unentendre?)
Posted by mrh | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 8:30 PM
Or George Burns?
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 8:32 PM
42: Digging up bodies is less commendable than cruising in parks. Most of the time.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-24-06 11:29 PM
And this is why I would never buy the News of the World (otherwise known as the Screws of the World or the News of the Screws).
TBH it astonishes me that what people do in their sex lives is still a subject for 'newspapers' - I can see that it's interesting (one only has to remember B's sex threads to know that people like to know what other people are doing!), but the judgmental reporting makes me very queasy.
Posted by asilon | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 5:27 AM
44: This is the exact polar opposite of a healthy and empathetic interest in other people's sex lives, though, isn't it? The Screws is only interested in George Michael's activities to the extent that they can be used to humiliate him. (You cannot, for example, imagine the Screws' readers reading this and wanting to ask Michael, "well, what's it like?" or "really? Why?") It's not the sex they're swarming to -- it's the scent of weakness.
My own curiosity about the terrible secret of Kirtland's underpants is of course pure as the driven snow.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 7:59 AM
I expect they'll pay Kirtland a bit more in the next few days and get his terrible secret out of him ;-) And yes, you're completely right, and I didn't phrase my comment very well.
Posted by asilon | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 8:03 AM
I expect they'll pay Kirtland a bit more in the next few days and get his terrible secret out of him
Oh great now I'll have to check their horrible website every day until they do thank you very much was that really necessary
I bet it turns out to be some sort of disgusting hentai tentacle thing
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 8:08 AM
Achewood addresses the issue.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 8:21 AM
get his terrible secret out of him
I'll bet it's this.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 8:32 AM
I bet it's a tiny deformed little face that constantly whispers the ninety-nine known names of God; during the moment of orgasm it will cry out the hidden hundreth name, but you will of course be too distracted to remember.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 8:39 AM
Jesus, where's a guy gotta go on this Internet to get people talking about feminine counterparts to the phallus.
Unfogged was my ... best hope [sniffle]
--Thanks, Felix--I'll pass that on, maybe that's it.
Posted by Anderson | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 9:08 AM
49: That'd work.
But fuck - just noticed I used a wink - should I yellow card myself? Or do I get one free one before chastisement?
Posted by asilon | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 9:12 AM
Just insist that you were using it ironically.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 9:13 AM
Well, of course I was!
Posted by asilon | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 9:18 AM
Maybe Kirtland's penis talks with a funny British accent, like that of Tia's old beau.
And Anderson, have you considered "yonic"?
One question I have about this whole thing is whether the "staking out Hampton Heath" gig is sought after or shunned at NOTW?
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 9:58 AM
have you considered "yonic"
Often have I raptly contemplated it, prior to ... oh wait, you're talking about my question? See # 6.
Posted by Anderson | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 2:56 PM
A quick search of art history glossaries reveals Venus pudica, and mimosa pudica turns out to be a plant. Pudica seems to be from Latin and shows up in relation to art on google.
I don't know why I looked this up just now.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 3:19 PM
How bad off does it have to get for somebody to take the job of trolling the park for trolls? Yeeks. "OK, Bob, your assignment this week is to hang out in a public park, after hours, while strangers have sex with each other behind the tree line. If any of them are famous, please take their picture. The rest of them are going to be guys with greasy mattresses in the backs of their vans."
In comparison, I suddenly feel great about every job I've ever had.
Posted by Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 8:10 PM
58: I assumed there are people who, rather than watch the parks, watch George Michael (and other celebrities, especially anyone who seems possible to provide copy and pictures) and follow where he goes. Especially late at night. Extra especially if they've heard a tip that so-and-so has been doing a little of you-know-what recently, and you might catch him if you play your cards right.
From 45: This is the exact polar opposite of a healthy and empathetic interest in other people's sex lives, though, isn't it?
Sure. But how many people have a healthy and empathetic interest in other people's sex lives who are not either their sexual partners, intimate friends, or paid professionals (certainly not all of the last category)? After that (if not before) it's pretty much all voyeurs and exploiters.
Posted by JL | Link to this comment | 07-25-06 8:31 PM
Often have I raptly contemplated it, prior to ... oh wait, you're talking about my question? See # 6.
Yeah, I know. I was just trying to be cool by imitating Ogged.
Posted by M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 07-26-06 8:01 PM