Any day now, my honey is going to show up having cut off all his lovely hair, and I will cry. I've seen pictures of him with ultra-short hair, and he looked like he should be carrying a switchblade.
Yes, I fully support the hipster-hawk, various goth craziness and any other ludicrously impractical hairstyles that a man feels the need to subject himself to. Some of them actually look good, and they're nearly all hilarious.
Many years ago I wore a flat top. After the cut, the barber would apply butch wax, which was permissible only because it was just for that day and because it was called butch wax. I stopped wearing a flat top when I realized that people who told me it made me look like a psychopath were right.
So, I generally read entries through bloglines, and the particular feed I had up shows posts and comments but for some reason not the author. It means I get to play a fun game of "Who Posted This?" Usually I'm pretty close, but I totally guessed Ogged on this one.
Anyway, I think allowances must be made for those who are afflicted with severe cowlicks.
I'm old enough to have worn a flat top pre-British-invasion. I remember butch wax; the front hairs were trimmed level after it was applied, for a clean edge.
You know what? I'll be sporting the same professionally tousled 'do I've had since 11th grade for the rest of my life. I'll embarrass my kids with my outmoded mid-90s slacker look from some band called "Pavement," whatever. But I'll know in my heart that my cowlick will never manifest and the natural volume of my hair will never be realized. I'll do it with Bumble and Bumble Sumotech, and I'll do it without shame.
Product is permissible, if you can pull it off. A guy that can pull off a 50's pompadour with a nice pearl-snap shirt, while snapping his fingers to Hank Williams....well, I get weak in the knees. My heart is all aflutter now.
41,42 Right, so that Davey Crockett is almost always depicted wearing one, at the Alamo, which is in San Antonio, is it not? But it's like Custer's long hair, in the famous Annheuser Busch lithograph, a copy of which used to hang in Jimmy's Woodlawn Tap between the men's and women's pissoirs: necessary for identifying the iconic figure.
Don't encourage this. I am thinning, so i basically have two options: close cropped, or completely bic'[?]ed. no reason every guy has to look exactly the same. please don't encourage every guy to look the same.
Re 51, My mother says that's what my father did when she married him.
Me, I use product. But Labs' rule unfairly discriminates against the curly-haired, who would just be a big balls of frizz without hair cream of some sort.
Yes, not using any "girly" products might make you sound macho to your male peers but, if a girl does sleep over at your house and end up using your shower, she'll be very thrilled to find you have some conditioner, etc. if she has to look presentable that day.
52: as a fellow curly head, I feel your pain. But the frizz can be easily avoided by simply shampooing much less vigorously. There's no point in taking all the oil out of your hair, only to put synthetic oil back in after towelling off.
54. Not to mentioned being thrilled that he'll look presentable, too. I'm all for men using products (like this elusive "conditioner") just in moderation. You shouldn't actually see gunk in someone's hair, but that's easy to avoid with a couple day's practice.
Tip 1: If you lean your head on a window and have made it opaque by doing so, you've used too much.
Tip 2: Link in 49 = EW. I'm surprised Stomping Woman hasn't fallen on her ass, standing on a Slip n' Slide like that.
That's a low blow, Adjunct, and one not soon forgotten. Not to mention that I only write about shampoo and conditioner in that thread, neither of which counts as "product" as we're defining it here.
I only write about shampoo and conditioner in that thread, neither of which counts as "product" as we're defining it here
Did I miss that? I would have thought conditioner counted as product, if meant to have at least a residue left behind, as it usually does, and changes the appearance of your hair. Or must "product" be by definition that which is applied afterwards?
Yeah, all men should have exactly the same hair, and it should conform to military regulations. If we can't maintain rigid gender hierarchies, clearly the terrorists have won.
I'm going to go tell PK I've seen the light, and he has to let me cut off his hair or his penis tonight. The choice is his.
wtf is wrong with using 'product'? Apart from, you know, calling it product?
I wear my 'product' with pride.
I have naturally wavy hair that's starting to get thin around the temples. Even though I wear it cut really short, if I don't put a tiny dab of wax or something similar I look like I have pubic hair growing out of my head.
And if I had longer hair, I'd be quite happily sticking all kinds of wierd gunk in it. Hair cuts that require wierd gunk in 'em can look fine.
69: I don't want to spell this out, but men aren't allowed to care about physical appearance in many ways (basically those which don't involve working out to improve your actual health). Otherwise the feminazis win.
Yeah, but what do I know. I use moisturiser and 'product'. I am clearly carrying 'metrosexual' cooties!
Also, caring about 'improv[ing] your actual health' is also pretty unmanly. There's a bunch of academic research on the ways in which some aspects of male gender identity literally kill guys -- because worrying about your health is unmanly.
Now that my Bumbling & Bumbling has been exposed, I'm free to say that I'm probably the only person in this thread to ever have had Oil Sheen in his hair. I was in South Carolina, you see, and needed a haircut, so I walked until I found one, which turned out to be what you Americans call a "black" barbershop. I got a fade, and oil sheen, and lots of funny looks, both during and after.
Hey, Bumble & Bumble products are the fucking shit. I even use them, against my strict doctrine of not spending more than $3 (recently revised to $4 due to inflation) on any makeup/hair-related/cosmetic item.
It's a hair-care product that African Americans use (I think) to keep their hair from drying out. I've only ever seen it used in spray form, but here's what google finds. I'm not sure if Oil Spot is the same thing. I can't figure out why you'd need activator, though.
(I actually spent a couple of years in my teens thinking that black sweat smelled different, because I didn't know about activator. True story.)
I once had my hair done for a formal event in Las Vegas. Despite my VERY CLEAR instructions, I ended up with a big ol' Las Vegas teased bouffant. Which I washed out as soon as I got back to the hotel, and wore my hair the same goddamn way I do every day.
Mr. B.'s mom was all, "you can't wash it! You'll waste all that money!" Mr. B. said, "Mom, she already has."
Guys should not be imitating women with the obsession with product. It's totally crazy to spend the amount of time & care on your hair that some women do.
Using some kind of stuff in your hair doesn't necessarily mean spending a lot of time on it.
Indeed, that's true. I was more responding to the general sentiment that men should emulate women in the hair products department, because while there are plenty of ways to do hair in 5 minutes, there's also plenty of ways to spend too much time & cash on it.
Hey tell you what I like is the Neutrogena. It keeps my dandruff at a steady dusting rather than its natural blizzardy proportions. I am never sure though whether I should pronounce it noo-troh-JEE-na or noo-TRAW-jen-a.
I use gel for a couple of weeks after I get a haircut, because my hair tends to stand straight up on top when it's shorter. Once it grows out enough that I don't look like I've rubbed a balloon on my head, I generally stop using the stuff. Just seems like too much trouble, considering that my normal morning hair-styling routine consists of drying it with a towel after I shower. I don't even own a comb or a brush.
You know what grooming products I don't understand? Kiehl's. They just make all their employees at the store wear white lab coats, like they're scientists or something, and that allows them to dupe people into paying four times as much as they'd pay for a regular brand.
I had Kiehl's hand creme and it separated in the hot weather, so there was an oily film on top. And the reason people like the shampoo is because it's extra-foamy, but that just means there's more glycerin or whatever in it.
This body scrub is the best stuff ever. I rarely wear makeup but I'm a total sucker for all kinds of moisturizers and shower scrubs. Ellie's comment upon using my shower when she came to visit: "Jesus Christ, Becks. How moist does one person need to be?"
People need to be more sensitive to those of us with Naturally Bad Hair. My hair, if less than 3 inches long, stands straight up and out, if longer than 3 inches, hangs straight down, and grows too fast for any styled sort of buzz cut to last more than two weeks. Even with large amounts of gel/mousse/spray and lots of time spent styling, a "normal" haircut only stays styled for an hour or two and then turns into moppet Anakin Skywalker. As such, I have only two non-product-using options: skinhead or ponytail. I've spent most of my adult life with one or the other, but since I had a job interview last week, I am now using both a perm and lots of product to get the visual effect of one of you normal motherfuckers who doesn't have to care about your hair.
Since I'm doomed to prissiness anyway, which is least haram at the mineshaft?
?skinhead (pale whiteboy sunburn problems)
?ponytail (air of pretension and/or geekiness)
?perm with product (time consuming, expensive, and the attempt to look like I don't care is ultimately unconvincing)
My hair, if less than 3 inches long, stands straight up and out, if longer than 3 inches, hangs straight down, and grows too fast for any styled sort of buzz cut to last more than two weeks.
I'm all about rooting for the underdog, but honestly, I'm having a hard time actually visualizing your hair care dilemma. Less than 3 multiplied by greater than 3 equals a skinhead with a ponytail?
AI, hi. Based on a recent posting of hers, you and LB should get together and compare relatives named Mary-something and Eileen.
Just to fulfill the stereotype, I can report that I've gone a month at a time without using any hair care product at all, including shampoo. I usually do rinse my hair in the hottest water I can stand about once a week.
119:Oh man, with straight very fine hair to the middle of my back, I have to shampoo and condition every other day or I go from blonde to brunetter. Also the pony tail I wear in public picks up neck sweat.
Never had a chance to rebel 40 years ago; always had jobs required crew-cuts and Princetons. Delirious to be now rebelling against a tightass fashion-slave crew of overurbanized twenty-somethings. Hippie? ewwww! Far out man.
I had seriously been considering going back to skin after the job interview process is finished. The sunburn issues are a major hurdle (Bandana or cowboy hat? I just can't win.) And I know from experience that if I ever change my mind, growing it back out means a year of looking like ass, so I may go the McManus hippie route (and the ladies say I look sexier with hair. Who am I to argue?)
No one understands my pain. Maybe I should dye it black and let it hang over my eyes to express my alienation.
I never said Mr. B. was black; 100 was, if you noticed, written in the subjunctive tense.
The man is German for god's sake. He just likes his hair faded sometimes. Don't ask me; I'm continually trying to talk him into growing out the curls a bit but he seems to enjoy going for the extremes: either very short or metalhead long.
A good word, please, for JR Ligget's bar shampoo - Andy Rooney-approved, but doesn't actually fuck up your hair. Plus it lasts forever.
Somehow it took me until age 23 to realize that I look best with quite short hair (although it's too fine ever to stand up). But I'm too lazy to actually get it cut often enough. Regardless, a real barber can generally give you a cut that requires no "product" (Darwin's losers excepted, of course).
I didn't mean to make this thread about my Darwin's loser hair problems, but I suppose you can never have enough discussions of the problems of neurotic white boys.
Sunscreen doesn't smooth out over stubble very well, and leaves me with lots of sticky white goop on little hairs without really providing scalp protection. And I thought the whole point was to get to a place where I didn't need to slather gunk on my head. These are the dilemmas that consume my waking hours.
You can get a spray-on "sport" sunscreen that is not gunky, and is about spf 30. You just have to carry the bottle around and apply it fairly often. Sort of like Dennis Hopper's character in Blue Velvet with the gas tank, only with a much smaller bottle, and without inhaling.
128: Wait, that's you, Ben? And you're griping about your hair? It looks fine, stop being neurotic. (Also, btw, one solution for fine hair that tends to lie flat is to color it. You can have "highlights" put in that basically mimic your real color, or just go for the full head o' dye, and the color won't change noticably but it'll dry out the hair shaft and give it more lift. Labs will call you a sissy, but whatever.)
131: It's me on a good day a few years ago when I had a magazine camera crew making sure I looked OK for the photoshoot. I used to really like that picture but in this context it seems so...earnest.
I didn't know about the styling potential of dyeing. I'm living in a very metrosexual country, so maybe I could get away with that.
I like the idea of dennishoppering the sunscreen though.
I've had my hair really short for most of my adult life. Every time I try to grow it out, it reaches just-above-collarbone length and then just stops growing. What the fuck is up with that?
124: Yes, it was the subjunctive mood, which indicates there would be a reason for us to believe that Mr. B. would be black (since assuming otherwise makes us racist, even in the joke), and that presumes that you haven't mentioned he's German 900 times during the World Cup or posted pictures of your cute little blonde kid.
137: It wouldn't make it stop growing, and it would have to be really damaged to break off enough to keep up with normal hair growth. But I've noticed a similar thing with my own hair; the longest it will grow is just below my shoulder blades. Maybe hair has a point past which it won't grow or grows very slowly, but I'm not sure how that would work.
137,140:Yeah, there was blog discussion a while back. It is genetic, and has to do with how long your hair follicle live and how often they are replaced. You can maybe can add an inch with hair care, but you are either Crystal Gayle or you are not.
My hair has been middle of my back for five years, in a point. Straightened out, it looks shorter. Haven'
t had a cut for seven years, just won't grow longer. Each person has a maximum hair length.
When I go crazy Atkins, I think I gain an inch on the sides.
yeah, its the same reason your eyebrows don't get 5 inches long and hang odwn over your face, but you can grow a beard down to you bellybutton piercing.
143 -- the hair starts out at length 0 so for it to grow in volume, it would necessarily have to get longer. And I can't imagine hair getting much more than a few tenths of a mm in diameter (that's a few hundredths of an inch to you) so I don't see how it could grow much in volume at any point without getting longer.
Maybe he means your existing hair stays at a constant length while new hair springs into existence and gradually grows to the same length, creating a greater volume of same length hair.
What, there are no Germans of African ancestry? Racist. (God, I just can't help myself.)
Not to be a pedant or nuffink, but for a long time there weren't. German citizenship laws made it, until recently, damn near impossible for someone not of German descent to become German (by citizenship).
Hence all the Turks who'd lived there for 3 generations but had no citizenship rights.
I had a girlfriend in college whose hair just wouldn't grow past her collarbone or get particularly thick, no matter what she did or how long she went without a trim. At the time, I had the monster mullet that hung to the middle of my back, which I think frustrated her since it grew crazy fast. Still grows just as thick and quickly though, for obvious reasons, I no longer sport that look.
Yesterday on the S-Bahn a gay guy told me that a lot of Nazi statuary, with all the muscled dudes standing around together being athletic and muscled, was "really gay", and I wasn't sure how to react.
147: I don't know when Germany started granting citizenship to immigrants, but I remember learning in sixth grade how to say. 'Ich komme aus der Türkei' and the teacher explaining about the Turks in Germany and how it had been a big problem 'sort of like racism in the U.S.' (Hey, we were sixth graders.) This would have been in '89 or so.
Labs: I'm assuming you're kidding about the flat top. If not, don't do it. Really, such a very, very bad idea.
(Not that they can't look fine on some people, but you'd look unutterably strange.)
And there's nothing wrong with product. I, myself, have never sucessfully mastered a beauty routine other than washing with soap, picking the tangles out of my hair with my fingers, and letting it air dry, but I'm terribly unevolved and shouldn't be emulated by anyone. But as long as you're not spending inordinate amounts of time on it, there's no reason not to put gunk in your hair.
Maybe Labs will look like Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner. "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion" could be a great pickup line.
That's the look I aspire to. Plus the very possibility of owning something called "Butch Wax" (which, ironically enough, was my screen name during my pornographic film career) is quite exciting.
Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner is so, so awesome, and such a great pickup routine. "All these moments will be lost, like tears in the rain. Time to make out."
had been a big problem 'sort of like racism in the U.S.' (Hey, we were sixth graders.)
Had been? We read in class some pro/con editorial thing from the Tagesspiegel about whether or not Berlin should accept refugees from Lebanon, and the con guy ended his article by saying that even today the Turkish immigrants signal with their piss-poor German and constant wearing of weird clothing on their heads that they just don't want to integrate. Which many in the class found a little distasteful.
I imagine that racism didn't die with allowing immigrants to become citizens, b-wo.
But in sixth grade it was probably best to hear that it was comparable to an American problem and Germans were working on solving it than having it presented as a weird German racist thing. My high school German teacher and I are reasonably close friends now, and he's remarked several times that he feels like he spends most of his time denying that German means Nazi.
147: Oh yeah, that's true. And Cala's German teacher wonders why people still think Germans are Nazis. (Joke! Some of my closest relatives are German!)
154: I would imagine that you should have laughed.
Ask yourself, "How would Jesus wear his hair?"
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:44 PM
As long as you don't call it "product".
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:47 PM
Are we speaking of soccer superstars or of, say, college professors?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:48 PM
Not if you wish to travel by air.
Posted by Josh | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:50 PM
how short is short enough? My hair has started covering the tops of my ears, and I rather like it that way.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:50 PM
Any day now, my honey is going to show up having cut off all his lovely hair, and I will cry. I've seen pictures of him with ultra-short hair, and he looked like he should be carrying a switchblade.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:54 PM
You know the answer is "no," Labs. Quit trolling your own blog.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:55 PM
Perhaps this post should have been titled Root Causes.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:57 PM
My boyfriend shaved his head. It's his hair and all, but he is sort of pumpkin-headed, and looks better with longer hair.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:59 PM
Yes, I fully support the hipster-hawk, various goth craziness and any other ludicrously impractical hairstyles that a man feels the need to subject himself to. Some of them actually look good, and they're nearly all hilarious.
Posted by JAC | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 12:59 PM
I've seen pictures of him with ultra-short hair, and he looked like he should be carrying a switchblade.
I'll bet it's the nose; long hair frames and harmonizes large ones. I have a smallish, North Britain nose and I look like a sheepdog with long hair.
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:00 PM
I have a soft spot for the fauxhawk.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:03 PM
I've seen pictures of him with ultra-short hair, and he looked like he should be carrying a switchblade.
Some people call it a Kaiser blade. I call it a sling blade, ummm hmmm.
Posted by My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:04 PM
7 gets it exactly right. I'm this close [imagine a gesture indicating a very short distance] to getting a flat-top.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:04 PM
A flat-out "no" is too dismissive. Yes, it's permissible, if you want to look like a total dork.
Posted by jmcq | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:06 PM
You may be right, IDP; his nose is not unendowed.
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:07 PM
Dude, a flat-top?!
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:08 PM
I second 17. What? You'll look like a giant mesa instead of a giant-Labs-like mountain.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:09 PM
Ack, gotta go!
Posted by Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:11 PM
His nose is endowed with what?
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:11 PM
Many years ago I wore a flat top. After the cut, the barber would apply butch wax, which was permissible only because it was just for that day and because it was called butch wax. I stopped wearing a flat top when I realized that people who told me it made me look like a psychopath were right.
Posted by jmcq | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:13 PM
20 -- too late, JM has left the building.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:16 PM
So, I generally read entries through bloglines, and the particular feed I had up shows posts and comments but for some reason not the author. It means I get to play a fun game of "Who Posted This?" Usually I'm pretty close, but I totally guessed Ogged on this one.
Anyway, I think allowances must be made for those who are afflicted with severe cowlicks.
Posted by mrh | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:17 PM
For a while in college, I had the inverse flat-top -- cut very short in back and on the sides, vertically untamed. My friends called me "Bullwinkle".
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:19 PM
Cala, you of all people know I have a taste for desert landscapes.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:21 PM
I'm old enough to have worn a flat top pre-British-invasion. I remember butch wax; the front hairs were trimmed level after it was applied, for a clean edge.
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:22 PM
Everything but the haircut of kings, it seems.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:25 PM
Labs with a flat-top. Lab's future with a flat-top.
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:30 PM
You know what? I'll be sporting the same professionally tousled 'do I've had since 11th grade for the rest of my life. I'll embarrass my kids with my outmoded mid-90s slacker look from some band called "Pavement," whatever. But I'll know in my heart that my cowlick will never manifest and the natural volume of my hair will never be realized. I'll do it with Bumble and Bumble Sumotech, and I'll do it without shame.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:35 PM
That guy's got an attitude problem, Cala, although I identified Tiny Yokum, Gus Grissum, and Bob Haldeman on sight before he named them.
Of what earthly use is such knowledge? If I could purge it, might I be able to learn new things I otherwise couldn't?
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:36 PM
What? 27 is awesome. If I didn't have to finish this paper, I'd be headed to the barber.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:38 PM
Long hair is permissible, but requiring product is not.
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:40 PM
just when did you completely give up on dating, labs?
Posted by Michael | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:41 PM
Labs, F. "The experience of the sublime: or, the flat-top as a desert landscape." Journal of Badonkadonk, 2006.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:42 PM
Labs, a point we tried to make gently, by inference as it were, is that butch wax, necessary to the flat top edge, is a product.
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:43 PM
You dirty hippies, I know I'm not the only guy here who uses product.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:44 PM
Product is permissible, if you can pull it off. A guy that can pull off a 50's pompadour with a nice pearl-snap shirt, while snapping his fingers to Hank Williams....well, I get weak in the knees. My heart is all aflutter now.
Posted by heebie_geebie | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:47 PM
Labs would look awesome with white-boy dreds.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:48 PM
I use no product aside from shampoo and conditioner.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 1:49 PM
Just don't call it product. It's like calling it 'thingy', but pretentious sounding.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:01 PM
If I'm not wearing thingy, I'm wearing a baseball cap or a cowboy hat, and macho hats make up for the
ghey.Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:08 PM
I thought you frontier kids all wore coonskin caps.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:09 PM
41,42 Right, so that Davey Crockett is almost always depicted wearing one, at the Alamo, which is in San Antonio, is it not? But it's like Custer's long hair, in the famous Annheuser Busch lithograph, a copy of which used to hang in Jimmy's Woodlawn Tap between the men's and women's pissoirs: necessary for identifying the iconic figure.
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:14 PM
Don't encourage this. I am thinning, so i basically have two options: close cropped, or completely bic'[?]ed. no reason every guy has to look exactly the same. please don't encourage every guy to look the same.
Posted by yoyo | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:18 PM
Do they even make Brylcreem any more?
Posted by jim | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:26 PM
Greasy Kid Stuff is now an (excellent) radio show.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:27 PM
That's right people, cowboy hats are not gay. Like 'Smasher says, they make you a macho man.
Posted by Heather | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:27 PM
Look, short hair is fine and all, but if I cut mine too short, I begin to look twelve. Seriously. It's not okay. So I reject the premise.
Posted by jhupp | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:32 PM
Do they even make Brylcreem any more?
Not only is it still made, hot women will stomp on you if you wear it.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:39 PM
I use no product aside from shampoo and conditioner.
What is this conditioner of which you speak?
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:41 PM
I remember an Andy Rooney bit where he said that he used bar soap to wash his body and his hair, so you're going to have to do better than that, slol.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:52 PM
Re 51, My mother says that's what my father did when she married him.
Me, I use product. But Labs' rule unfairly discriminates against the curly-haired, who would just be a big balls of frizz without hair cream of some sort.
Posted by cw | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 2:59 PM
I submit the following resolution: that this blog prefers being better-coiffed than Andy Rooney.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 3:01 PM
Yes, not using any "girly" products might make you sound macho to your male peers but, if a girl does sleep over at your house and end up using your shower, she'll be very thrilled to find you have some conditioner, etc. if she has to look presentable that day.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 3:01 PM
52: as a fellow curly head, I feel your pain. But the frizz can be easily avoided by simply shampooing much less vigorously. There's no point in taking all the oil out of your hair, only to put synthetic oil back in after towelling off.
Posted by text | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 3:08 PM
54. Not to mentioned being thrilled that he'll look presentable, too. I'm all for men using products (like this elusive "conditioner") just in moderation. You shouldn't actually see gunk in someone's hair, but that's easy to avoid with a couple day's practice.
Tip 1: If you lean your head on a window and have made it opaque by doing so, you've used too much.
Tip 2: Link in 49 = EW. I'm surprised Stomping Woman hasn't fallen on her ass, standing on a Slip n' Slide like that.
Posted by Heather | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 3:25 PM
49: I can accept the inference that she's hot, but what's the cash for?
Posted by hermit greg | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 3:55 PM
#7 gets it right.
I would add that I've learned a lot about product from Ogged.
Posted by Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 4:38 PM
Hmm, I do use liquid soap instead of shampoo occasionally. No conditioner.
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 4:40 PM
IA! I miss you.
Osner and Langue Hat in that thread too.
Apparently Ogged cuts his own hair.
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 4:50 PM
That's a low blow, Adjunct, and one not soon forgotten. Not to mention that I only write about shampoo and conditioner in that thread, neither of which counts as "product" as we're defining it here.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:00 PM
Do you still cut your own hair?
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:02 PM
Weman -- Os/ner am I.
(No conditioner -- shampoo and soap.)
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:03 PM
I only write about shampoo and conditioner in that thread, neither of which counts as "product" as we're defining it here
Did I miss that? I would have thought conditioner counted as product, if meant to have at least a residue left behind, as it usually does, and changes the appearance of your hair. Or must "product" be by definition that which is applied afterwards?
Posted by I don't pay | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:06 PM
Yeah, all men should have exactly the same hair, and it should conform to military regulations. If we can't maintain rigid gender hierarchies, clearly the terrorists have won.
I'm going to go tell PK I've seen the light, and he has to let me cut off his hair or his penis tonight. The choice is his.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:10 PM
A woman staying over might be thrilled to find conditioner...unless it's in the shower boobs.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:13 PM
B, I'm glad we finally see eye to eye.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:13 PM
I'll tell him that it's all your fault, Labs. I'll make sure and send you pictures.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:23 PM
wtf is wrong with using 'product'? Apart from, you know, calling it product?
I wear my 'product' with pride.
I have naturally wavy hair that's starting to get thin around the temples. Even though I wear it cut really short, if I don't put a tiny dab of wax or something similar I look like I have pubic hair growing out of my head.
And if I had longer hair, I'd be quite happily sticking all kinds of wierd gunk in it. Hair cuts that require wierd gunk in 'em can look fine.
Posted by nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:30 PM
69: I don't want to spell this out, but men aren't allowed to care about physical appearance in many ways (basically those which don't involve working out to improve your actual health). Otherwise the feminazis win.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:35 PM
Waxy pubic hair is superior to plain. Noted.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:37 PM
re: 70
Yeah, but what do I know. I use moisturiser and 'product'. I am clearly carrying 'metrosexual' cooties!
Also, caring about 'improv[ing] your actual health' is also pretty unmanly. There's a bunch of academic research on the ways in which some aspects of male gender identity literally kill guys -- because worrying about your health is unmanly.
Posted by nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:39 PM
Now that my Bumbling & Bumbling has been exposed, I'm free to say that I'm probably the only person in this thread to ever have had Oil Sheen in his hair. I was in South Carolina, you see, and needed a haircut, so I walked until I found one, which turned out to be what you Americans call a "black" barbershop. I got a fade, and oil sheen, and lots of funny looks, both during and after.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:41 PM
What's the difference between Oil Sheen and activator?
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:43 PM
We're currently in flux about what aspects of male appearance can be worked on. Cf.James Bond and some typical modern man.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:48 PM
What's the difference between Oil Sheen and activator?
I don't know, Shaft, what's activator?
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:49 PM
Did the fade with oil sheen look good? Mr. B. gets so annoyed at the local barbers because they don't even know what a fade *is*.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:54 PM
Hey, Bumble & Bumble products are the fucking shit. I even use them, against my strict doctrine of not spending more than $3 (recently revised to $4 due to inflation) on any makeup/hair-related/cosmetic item.
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:54 PM
It's a hair-care product that African Americans use (I think) to keep their hair from drying out. I've only ever seen it used in spray form, but here's what google finds. I'm not sure if Oil Spot is the same thing. I can't figure out why you'd need activator, though.
(I actually spent a couple of years in my teens thinking that black sweat smelled different, because I didn't know about activator. True story.)
Posted by SomeCallMeTim | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 5:58 PM
Clownĉ is 0sn-r? No kidding? I've got to start keeping an index.
Posted by Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:01 PM
Did the fade with oil sheen look good?
No, it looked fucking hilarious.
Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:02 PM
I'll see your fade and raise you.
I once had my hair done for a formal event in Las Vegas. Despite my VERY CLEAR instructions, I ended up with a big ol' Las Vegas teased bouffant. Which I washed out as soon as I got back to the hotel, and wore my hair the same goddamn way I do every day.
Mr. B.'s mom was all, "you can't wash it! You'll waste all that money!" Mr. B. said, "Mom, she already has."
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:06 PM
Guys should not be imitating women with the obsession with product. It's totally crazy to spend the amount of time & care on your hair that some women do.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:09 PM
re: 83
Using some kind of stuff in your hair doesn't necessarily mean spending a lot of time on it.
My hair dries in 5 minutes. So I wash it, towel it. Rub pea sized bit of wax through it. Ruffle. Done.
Posted by nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:12 PM
Ruffle.
That's so
gay, Matt.Posted by ogged | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:34 PM
I don't use conditioner. It makes my hair look weird. I don't even comb my hair. Once I start getting too much bed-head, I go to the barber.
Posted by joe o | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:37 PM
I hear they have combination shampoo/conditioners these days.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:39 PM
That two-in-one conditioner/shampoo combo stuff is worse than not using any conditioner at all. Stay away, fellas.
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:40 PM
OMG - I posted 88 before I saw 87. I can read your mind!
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:40 PM
Using some kind of stuff in your hair doesn't necessarily mean spending a lot of time on it.
Indeed, that's true. I was more responding to the general sentiment that men should emulate women in the hair products department, because while there are plenty of ways to do hair in 5 minutes, there's also plenty of ways to spend too much time & cash on it.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:47 PM
Hey tell you what I like is the Neutrogena. It keeps my dandruff at a steady dusting rather than its natural blizzardy proportions. I am never sure though whether I should pronounce it noo-troh-JEE-na or noo-TRAW-jen-a.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:48 PM
The first pronunciation is correct.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:48 PM
It takes all of five seconds to apply "Supreme Magic Move Hard" and it makes all the difference.
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:51 PM
ATM
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 6:51 PM
Mr. B. gets so annoyed
wait...Mr B is black? This is getting so confusing.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:09 PM
Young Hegelians use Neutrojena.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:17 PM
I use gel for a couple of weeks after I get a haircut, because my hair tends to stand straight up on top when it's shorter. Once it grows out enough that I don't look like I've rubbed a balloon on my head, I generally stop using the stuff. Just seems like too much trouble, considering that my normal morning hair-styling routine consists of drying it with a towel after I shower. I don't even own a comb or a brush.
Posted by Matt F | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:18 PM
Bet you didn't read my mind on that one, Becks.
Posted by eb | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:18 PM
I will need to click over to SB's joke explaining blog...
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:23 PM
95: What, you don't think I'd marry a black man? Racist.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:31 PM
And PK dyes his hair?
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:33 PM
What?
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:35 PM
Well, if his dad is black...
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:38 PM
re: 97
Yeah, when mine grows out a bit I generally stop using wax. I also don't own a comb or a brush.
And despite the 'moisturiser' comments above, I don't even bother using soap on my face. Cold water, mostly.
Posted by nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:43 PM
So are you just googleproofed all the time now, or are you worried students will find out about your grooming habits and fish recipes?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:48 PM
I've been using Trader Joe's peppermint liquid soap lately for shampoo. Not very fancy, but it's really nice.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 7:52 PM
You know what grooming products I don't understand? Kiehl's. They just make all their employees at the store wear white lab coats, like they're scientists or something, and that allows them to dupe people into paying four times as much as they'd pay for a regular brand.
I had Kiehl's hand creme and it separated in the hot weather, so there was an oily film on top. And the reason people like the shampoo is because it's extra-foamy, but that just means there's more glycerin or whatever in it.
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:05 PM
This body scrub is the best stuff ever. I rarely wear makeup but I'm a total sucker for all kinds of moisturizers and shower scrubs. Ellie's comment upon using my shower when she came to visit: "Jesus Christ, Becks. How moist does one person need to be?"
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:13 PM
The shampoo/conditioner combination is neither fish nor fowl.
You've been warned.
Posted by Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:33 PM
As an additional warning, fish and fowl are also both suboptimal hair treatments.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:39 PM
And styling your hair with salmon is gay.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:41 PM
Especially in a curry sauce.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:42 PM
Well that's going a little far...
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:42 PM
You just married a black man for the street cred. Also, he looked so pale when I met him.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:44 PM
I hate makeup, but I look like death warmed over without it. Philosophy is not good for the skin, and I think I've aged four years on this chapter.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 8:46 PM
People need to be more sensitive to those of us with Naturally Bad Hair. My hair, if less than 3 inches long, stands straight up and out, if longer than 3 inches, hangs straight down, and grows too fast for any styled sort of buzz cut to last more than two weeks. Even with large amounts of gel/mousse/spray and lots of time spent styling, a "normal" haircut only stays styled for an hour or two and then turns into moppet Anakin Skywalker. As such, I have only two non-product-using options: skinhead or ponytail. I've spent most of my adult life with one or the other, but since I had a job interview last week, I am now using both a perm and lots of product to get the visual effect of one of you normal motherfuckers who doesn't have to care about your hair.
Since I'm doomed to prissiness anyway, which is least haram at the mineshaft?
?skinhead (pale whiteboy sunburn problems)
?ponytail (air of pretension and/or geekiness)
?perm with product (time consuming, expensive, and the attempt to look like I don't care is ultimately unconvincing)
Posted by Big Ben | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 9:11 PM
Oh, Ben, life has dealt you a bad hand. Go with skin.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 9:33 PM
I'm all about rooting for the underdog, but honestly, I'm having a hard time actually visualizing your hair care dilemma. Less than 3 multiplied by greater than 3 equals a skinhead with a ponytail?
Yeah, definitely go with skin.
Posted by Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 9:49 PM
AI, hi. Based on a recent posting of hers, you and LB should get together and compare relatives named Mary-something and Eileen.
Just to fulfill the stereotype, I can report that I've gone a month at a time without using any hair care product at all, including shampoo. I usually do rinse my hair in the hottest water I can stand about once a week.
Posted by John Emerson | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 9:58 PM
Mary-Who? Never heard of her.
I'm sorry, John, but going a month without shampoo is just going too far (though in what direction, I'm sure I cannot say).
Posted by Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:06 PM
119:Oh man, with straight very fine hair to the middle of my back, I have to shampoo and condition every other day or I go from blonde to brunetter. Also the pony tail I wear in public picks up neck sweat.
Never had a chance to rebel 40 years ago; always had jobs required crew-cuts and Princetons. Delirious to be now rebelling against a tightass fashion-slave crew of overurbanized twenty-somethings. Hippie? ewwww! Far out man.
Posted by bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:19 PM
I had seriously been considering going back to skin after the job interview process is finished. The sunburn issues are a major hurdle (Bandana or cowboy hat? I just can't win.) And I know from experience that if I ever change my mind, growing it back out means a year of looking like ass, so I may go the McManus hippie route (and the ladies say I look sexier with hair. Who am I to argue?)
No one understands my pain. Maybe I should dye it black and let it hang over my eyes to express my alienation.
Posted by Big Ben | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:22 PM
What, like Chris Gaines?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:28 PM
I never said Mr. B. was black; 100 was, if you noticed, written in the subjunctive tense.
The man is German for god's sake. He just likes his hair faded sometimes. Don't ask me; I'm continually trying to talk him into growing out the curls a bit but he seems to enjoy going for the extremes: either very short or metalhead long.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:33 PM
A good word, please, for JR Ligget's bar shampoo - Andy Rooney-approved, but doesn't actually fuck up your hair. Plus it lasts forever.
Somehow it took me until age 23 to realize that I look best with quite short hair (although it's too fine ever to stand up). But I'm too lazy to actually get it cut often enough. Regardless, a real barber can generally give you a cut that requires no "product" (Darwin's losers excepted, of course).
Posted by JRoth | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:33 PM
You can win, if only you'll attend to the importance of SPF 50 sunscreen, which must be applied regularly, rigorously, and religiously.
Jesus, lad, but I begin to think you're your own worst enemy.
Just as red is the new black, so too is skin the new hair.
Posted by Invisible Adjunct | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:36 PM
124: I think you mean the subjunctive mood.
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:39 PM
No one understands my pain
I think we do.
Posted by slolernr | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:47 PM
I didn't mean to make this thread about my Darwin's loser hair problems, but I suppose you can never have enough discussions of the problems of neurotic white boys.
Sunscreen doesn't smooth out over stubble very well, and leaves me with lots of sticky white goop on little hairs without really providing scalp protection. And I thought the whole point was to get to a place where I didn't need to slather gunk on my head. These are the dilemmas that consume my waking hours.
128:
Helmet hair just compounds the problems.
Posted by Big Ben | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:50 PM
You can get a spray-on "sport" sunscreen that is not gunky, and is about spf 30. You just have to carry the bottle around and apply it fairly often. Sort of like Dennis Hopper's character in Blue Velvet with the gas tank, only with a much smaller bottle, and without inhaling.
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 10:59 PM
127: Yeah, okay.
128: Wait, that's you, Ben? And you're griping about your hair? It looks fine, stop being neurotic. (Also, btw, one solution for fine hair that tends to lie flat is to color it. You can have "highlights" put in that basically mimic your real color, or just go for the full head o' dye, and the color won't change noticably but it'll dry out the hair shaft and give it more lift. Labs will call you a sissy, but whatever.)
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 11:09 PM
Labs will call you a sissy
This would be the guy with the window treatments?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 11:18 PM
131: It's me on a good day a few years ago when I had a magazine camera crew making sure I looked OK for the photoshoot. I used to really like that picture but in this context it seems so...earnest.
I didn't know about the styling potential of dyeing. I'm living in a very metrosexual country, so maybe I could get away with that.
I like the idea of dennishoppering the sunscreen though.
Posted by Big Ben | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 11:18 PM
I've had my hair really short for most of my adult life. Every time I try to grow it out, it reaches just-above-collarbone length and then just stops growing. What the fuck is up with that?
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 11:26 PM
Split ends?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 11:56 PM
Split ends make your hair stop growing?
I distrust your folk wisdom ever since you were wrong about salt.
Posted by dagger aleph | Link to this comment | 08-10-06 11:59 PM
You are right to distrust my folk wisdom, but I think split ends do make your hair stop growing. Does anyone out there know?
Posted by teofilo | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 12:03 AM
Good Lord, man, it's not a plant. Hair growth occurs in the follicles. How could split ends make hair stop growing?
Posted by jmcq | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 12:15 AM
re: 105
It's more laziness. Easier than switching back and forth - I can just 'remember info'. It's only semi-googleproofing anyway.
Posted by nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 12:33 AM
124: Yes, it was the subjunctive mood, which indicates there would be a reason for us to believe that Mr. B. would be black (since assuming otherwise makes us racist, even in the joke), and that presumes that you haven't mentioned he's German 900 times during the World Cup or posted pictures of your cute little blonde kid.
137: It wouldn't make it stop growing, and it would have to be really damaged to break off enough to keep up with normal hair growth. But I've noticed a similar thing with my own hair; the longest it will grow is just below my shoulder blades. Maybe hair has a point past which it won't grow or grows very slowly, but I'm not sure how that would work.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 12:37 AM
137,140:Yeah, there was blog discussion a while back. It is genetic, and has to do with how long your hair follicle live and how often they are replaced. You can maybe can add an inch with hair care, but you are either Crystal Gayle or you are not.
My hair has been middle of my back for five years, in a point. Straightened out, it looks shorter. Haven'
t had a cut for seven years, just won't grow longer. Each person has a maximum hair length.
When I go crazy Atkins, I think I gain an inch on the sides.
Posted by bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 12:45 AM
yeah, its the same reason your eyebrows don't get 5 inches long and hang odwn over your face, but you can grow a beard down to you bellybutton piercing.
Posted by yoyo | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 1:19 AM
How about hair that keeps growing in volume but never gets longer?
Posted by David Weman | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 1:33 AM
143 -- the hair starts out at length 0 so for it to grow in volume, it would necessarily have to get longer. And I can't imagine hair getting much more than a few tenths of a mm in diameter (that's a few hundredths of an inch to you) so I don't see how it could grow much in volume at any point without getting longer.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 6:07 AM
Maybe he means your existing hair stays at a constant length while new hair springs into existence and gradually grows to the same length, creating a greater volume of same length hair.
Posted by washerdreyer | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 6:27 AM
(since assuming otherwise makes us racist, even in the joke)
Well yeah, that's why I phrased it the way I did.
and that presumes that you haven't mentioned he's German 900 times during the World Cup
What, there are no Germans of African ancestry? Racist. (God, I just can't help myself.)
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 6:31 AM
re: 146
What, there are no Germans of African ancestry? Racist. (God, I just can't help myself.)
Not to be a pedant or nuffink, but for a long time there weren't. German citizenship laws made it, until recently, damn near impossible for someone not of German descent to become German (by citizenship).
Hence all the Turks who'd lived there for 3 generations but had no citizenship rights.
Posted by nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 6:48 AM
I had a girlfriend in college whose hair just wouldn't grow past her collarbone or get particularly thick, no matter what she did or how long she went without a trim. At the time, I had the monster mullet that hung to the middle of my back, which I think frustrated her since it grew crazy fast. Still grows just as thick and quickly though, for obvious reasons, I no longer sport that look.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:05 AM
for obvious reasons
I'm not picking up on this.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:09 AM
The obvious reasons? Try going to a job interview with that hair. It's less of an obstacle than having a tattoo on your forehead, but not by much.
Posted by apostropher | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:15 AM
Try going to a job interview with that hair
Reckon they would be too much in awe of your massive cock to even notice the hair.
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:24 AM
I might have been willing to offer you the job, but I would have wanted to interview the mullet separately. Did it have any special skillsets?
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:33 AM
I was at Eckerd's the other day and saw a package of bluntly named "Bald Man Head Wipes".
Posted by Becks | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:39 AM
That's so
gay, Matt.Yesterday on the S-Bahn a gay guy told me that a lot of Nazi statuary, with all the muscled dudes standing around together being athletic and muscled, was "really gay", and I wasn't sure how to react.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:46 AM
147: I don't know when Germany started granting citizenship to immigrants, but I remember learning in sixth grade how to say. 'Ich komme aus der Türkei' and the teacher explaining about the Turks in Germany and how it had been a big problem 'sort of like racism in the U.S.' (Hey, we were sixth graders.) This would have been in '89 or so.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:51 AM
Labs: I'm assuming you're kidding about the flat top. If not, don't do it. Really, such a very, very bad idea.
(Not that they can't look fine on some people, but you'd look unutterably strange.)
And there's nothing wrong with product. I, myself, have never sucessfully mastered a beauty routine other than washing with soap, picking the tangles out of my hair with my fingers, and letting it air dry, but I'm terribly unevolved and shouldn't be emulated by anyone. But as long as you're not spending inordinate amounts of time on it, there's no reason not to put gunk in your hair.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 7:58 AM
Hey LB, how was your day of being pampered?
Posted by Clownæsthesiologist | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 8:01 AM
LB, do you say that because of my monstrously large head? You're only encouraging me, you know.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 8:01 AM
Too blond is the problem. Blond men with crewcuts look like Nazi propaganda, and not in a good way. Being 6'20" only accentuates the problem.
If you're going for unattractively frightening, then it's a look.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 8:13 AM
Maybe Labs will look like Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner. "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion" could be a great pickup line.
Posted by mcmc | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 8:33 AM
That's the look I aspire to. Plus the very possibility of owning something called "Butch Wax" (which, ironically enough, was my screen name during my pornographic film career) is quite exciting.
Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner is so, so awesome, and such a great pickup routine. "All these moments will be lost, like tears in the rain. Time to make out."
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 8:53 AM
had been a big problem 'sort of like racism in the U.S.' (Hey, we were sixth graders.)
Had been? We read in class some pro/con editorial thing from the Tagesspiegel about whether or not Berlin should accept refugees from Lebanon, and the con guy ended his article by saying that even today the Turkish immigrants signal with their piss-poor German and constant wearing of weird clothing on their heads that they just don't want to integrate. Which many in the class found a little distasteful.
Posted by ben wolfson | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 8:57 AM
I can't believe Becks' bald man head wipes aren't getting any love.
Posted by silvana | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 8:59 AM
Dude, then go for it. I'm just saying that your reviews on RMP are going to lose some chili peppers.
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 9:00 AM
I imagine that racism didn't die with allowing immigrants to become citizens, b-wo.
But in sixth grade it was probably best to hear that it was comparable to an American problem and Germans were working on solving it than having it presented as a weird German racist thing. My high school German teacher and I are reasonably close friends now, and he's remarked several times that he feels like he spends most of his time denying that German means Nazi.
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 9:12 AM
Ouch. You know how to hit where it hurts, LB.
Posted by FL | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 9:13 AM
'FL is really smart but he looks like a Nazi with his haircut and it distracted from the learning environment, i.e., dead violinists.'
Posted by Cala | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 9:14 AM
163:
Buy bald man head wipes!
Summer scalp sweat scraped away --
Nice again to rub.
There you go.
Posted by Felix | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 9:28 AM
147: Oh yeah, that's true. And Cala's German teacher wonders why people still think Germans are Nazis. (Joke! Some of my closest relatives are German!)
154: I would imagine that you should have laughed.
Posted by bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 10:03 AM
166: They teach us these things in law school: "Then quick, while he's wincing -- go for the wallet!"
Posted by LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 10:26 AM
Men shouldn't be able to define "product" more precisely than "something that does something to your hair".
Posted by ptm | Link to this comment | 08-11-06 12:54 PM