Re: With Big Guns

1

Vin Diesel, I hear.

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2

Right, me too, and that would be awesome, but I'm not sure, so I left him out.

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3

I actually just made that up. But it wouldn't surprise me if virtually all action stars are gay.

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4

I hear

That's a real low threshold.

OTOH: I'm not sure, so I left him out

You're sure of those other ones? How do you calculate sure?

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5

Can I work on the screenplay? I know what tone you're after.

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6

This, for example, makes me feel sure about Travolta, and I say that as someone who's regularly kissing male relatives in public.

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7

I'm not actually funding the project text, but I think you should go ahead and write the screenplay on spec.

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8

Plus, slol, I trust my man the WWTDD guy. (I don't actually know him.)

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9

For myself, I never heard of him until you mentioned him.

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10

You just want to watch William Donahue's head explode, don't you? Gods what I wouldn't give for a link to that scene from Scanners.

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11

You owe me.

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12

How come Whitney and Cruise are both at three and there's no four?

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13

11: My hero!

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14

Jodie Foster too, supposedly.

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15

I thought she was out, no supposedly about it. Am I wrong?

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16

She doesn't answer questions about it, but yeah.

I didn't mean for this to become the "who is, who isn't" thread. Abraham Lincoln! I do think such a movie would be pretty cool.

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17

We need another woman, so that the woman I identify with (and that's just not gonna be Whitney) gets some nookie.

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18

Portia de Rossy.

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19

if Spacey is the villian, it'll at least be good

Umm...did you see Superman?

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20

Umm...did you see Superman?

I did. In fact, that's what I was thinking of: boy that movie would have sucked without Spacey.

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21

I believe practically everything I read on Unfogged, but this business about Tom Cruise? No way.

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22

See, I thought Spacey kind of sucked in it. Or, at a minimum, the whole time I was watching it I was thinking "Huh. Didn't Kevin Spacey used to be a good actor?"

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23

this business about Tom Cruise? No way

I dunno; somewhere on this site I know I said that I don't get a gay vibe from Cruise, and someone agreed with me, so there are two votes.

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24

22: I'm starting to think that was a misimpression.

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25

Honestly, Becks, I can barely remember the movie, so you might have a point. But it's Kevin Spacey, dammit.

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26

18.--She'll do! And since Arrested Development is now over (right? weren't fans caterwauling about that?) she'll need the work!

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27

Portia de Rossi is hot; I've had a crush on her for years, and yes, AD is, sadly, over.

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28

I second 27, but wouldn't Angelina Jolie be a bigger name? Or do bi girls not count once their heteronormative marriages are splashed across every tabloid in the world?

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29

Oh sweet Jeebus. If it Jolie, even I might see it.

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30

27, 28 - I 3rd that (even though we're not supposed to say that anymore, right?)

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31

27: See Sirens, then.

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32

I've had a crush on her since Sirens.

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33

Rupert Everett said he wanted to write and star in a gay James Bond movie. I figure this would be very much gay camp, since the old James Bond is essentially hetrosexual camp.

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34

16: Every time I hear a discussion of whether an 18th or 19th century was gay, I always hear people saying "Oh that wasn't considered gay back then. It was perfectly normal." It was normal for men to sleep in the same bed, or for a woman to make out with her sister, or for a man to write a letter praising another man's thighs. From all of this I have reached the conclusion that everyone before 1900 was gay.

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35

Also, everyone in Hollywood is a gay midget with a disproportionately large head.

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36

300

This has been delayed so long I have almost lost hope. I know it is a Frank Miller thing, but Spartans, ya know.

I am thinking. Gay action flick. I keep thinking I have seen an asian flick or two with gay protagonists.

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37

36: Why don't people name their daughters Gorgo anymore?

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38

"From all of this I have reached the conclusion that everyone before 1900 was gay."

Not to mention the bears.

(who were all flaming)

(because they had sex with George Washington)

(IYKWIM)

(AITYD)

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39

See, I thought Spacey kind of sucked in it. Or, at a minimum, the whole time I was watching it I was thinking "Huh. Didn't Kevin Spacey used to be a good actor?"

I thought Spacey did all right with what he had, it just that I don't think there was much to work with. Kind of like suckitude of the last three Star Wars movies,.not really the fault of the actors.

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40

36: Do not get me started on "300." Only Frank Miller could make the Spartans homophobic.

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41

I agree with every assessment on Ogged's list except for #5.

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42

So would the characters be gay, straight, a mix or the issue not be addressed? Is the point just that the actors are gay, or that it's an action flick in which the characters are gay (but is otherwise like any action flick only better)?

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43

41: Pathetic attempt at wish fulfillment. He likes us.

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44

I was thinking the issue wouldn't be addressed, flip.

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45

So this would be one of those all-'splosions-no-kissing action movies? I guess that would work.

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46

There could be lots of flirting.

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47

I was just thinking "hey, why aren't there any movies with hot gay makeout action?" And then I remembered "fuck, I need to watch Brokeback Mountain." Is that out on DVD yet? And why don't I own a DVD player?

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48

There's very little makeout action in Brokeback. But it's very good and is out on DVD.

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49

Obvious flirting (indicating that the characters are gay)? Or more subtle stuff that could be interpreted as "male bonding" or whatever (with the subtext supplied by the fact that we know the actors are gay)? Or what?

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50

There may not be much difference between the alternatives in 49.

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51

Subtle! The whole point is that much of the cast is gay, but the movie is no different from any other (one hopes, awesome) action movie.

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52

Hot gay makeout action can be found in Pedro Almodovar's "Bad Education", if you don't mind all the characters speaking some crazy moon-man language instead of English.

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53

Subtle! The whole point is that much of the cast is gay, but the movie is no different from any other (one hopes, awesome) action movie.

We already have that movie. Or did you miss Top Gun, Shi'a?

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54

By the way, let me just express how happy I am to see flippantangel commenting here.

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55

Out gay actors, Timbot.

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56

I don't think the homosexual subtext in Top Gun counts as subtle, Tim.

("I want some butts!")

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57

47: You could do what I do and watch DVDs on your computer. Not optimal, but still.

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58

I do that occasionally, but since I'm a stickler about sound, and my speakers are at my desk, my options are 1) watch movie with earphones (not fun) or 2) sit at my desk and watch movie (doesn't much feel like relaxing).

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59

57: Glad to see you haven't deserted us entirely.

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60

55: If you don't think they were about as far out as can be in Top Gun, you really need to watch it again.

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61

47: You want to watch Velvet Goldmine.

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62

And apparently My Beautiful Laundrette as well. I'm assuming you should ignore apo about Dude, Where's My Car?

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63

I hear George Clooney is. Often. (As in, hear it often. Whether he gets it often is another question but I'm sure he does. He's GEORGE CLOONEY!) That said, I've never gotten close to a gay vibe from him, and I like to think my gaydar's pretty good.

Second the Vin Diesel rumor, but never got any confirmation. Ditto that Tom Cruise is actually straight (y'all can have him in your camp - we're taking Jodie and Portia). Oh, and Cynthia Nixon, if you're tallying up that gal pals. Note that Sarah Paulson, soon of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is too - her GF is Tony-winner (and delightfully named) Cherry Jones.

BTW, can I just share this with you, because I kind of can't be alone with it? From Boing Boing - a German book on reproduction.

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64

Boing Boing is, as ever, behind the times.

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65

Considering that half the guys here have at some point confessed to man-crushes on Clooney, if he turns out to be gay, lots of worlds are going to be rocked, in ways good and bad. But I don't see it at all either. Ditto Cruise.

And Jodie Foster pretty much wins the "which gender has to coolest gay actors?" contest for the women, though if we have Spacey, that's some consolation. And although I haven't heard any rumors about him, if we can score Samuel L. Jackson, I think the guys win forever.

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66

re: Rupert Everett and the 'gay Bond' thing.

I read an interview with him where was pretty serious about the Bond thing. He reckoned he'd make a good Bond -- in the sense of a gay actor playing Bond rather than an actor playing *gay* Bond.

'course, with Daniel Craig it looks like the producers are consciously toning down the camp angle.

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67

Rupert Everett would make a great Bond. I still haven't quite got over the prospect of a blond Bond really, although Daniel Craig seems to be a fine actor. He's also kissed (at least) two men - Rhys Ifans in Enduring Love and Toby Jones in Infamous, so maybe they could put more of that into the next Bond film ...

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68

Oh, and probably Derek Jacobi (as Francis Bacon) in Love is the Devil as well. So he clearly doesn't mind it - wouldn't it be useful for Bond to be able to seduce anyone and everyone in the line of duty?

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69

Lol, didn't notice that! Only me.

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70

Someone or other --Edward Norton?--says that he tries not to share any of his private life with the public, because he thinks it bleeds into its sense of him, and limits what the public will find him credible playing. Thinking about Everrett as Bond, I'm not sure I could enjoy him playing a womanizer, because I'm not sure I'd find him credible (in whatever sense that word has meaning in relation to Bond movies) as a womanizer. (Also, too urbane--Roger Moore sucked for just this reason.)

I think I just got why actors stay in the closet, even in the absence of overt homophobia. And ogged's gay action movie turns out to be a bad idea.

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71

63: I hadn't seen that at ben's place, so let me just say that (with the possible exception of the fact that the German father's hair and beard seem to be made of Concord grapes) the baby's wide open arms ("whee!") has he/she exits the mother is the funniest thing I've seen in a while.

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72

I love Everett, who I did not know was gay. He certainly would have recalled more the Moore line of Bonds than the Connery line, but remember: Ian Fleming wanted to cast David Niven and thought Connery too thuggish (until the receipts started coming in).

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73

The real problem with Niven is that decency shone from his face; not a credible Bond.

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74

re: 72

How could you not know Rupert Everett was gay?

Niven would have been OK as Bond.* Of course he was -- urbanity, aside -- an actual bad-ass Commando in WWII so entirely au fait with killing people.

* Of course he actually was Bond, in 'Casino Royale' but that's not really in the tradition of the rest of the Bond canon.

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75

72: I boggled a bit at that, too.

Anyway, I hope you've got a part in your gay action flick for Sir Ian. I hope I'm that hot at 60+. (I wish I were half that hot now.)

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76

There was a song that I heard on the Georgia State (88.5 finest in the Atlanta metro area) radio station in the summer of '04 by Of Montreal that was catchy and mentioned something about a stairway or stairwell. What was it called, please?

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77

How could you not know Rupert Everett was gay?

I wasn't paying enough attention? He played the only straight member of the Cambridge spy network in that BBC miniseries? I'm a dork?

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78

Now that I think about it, X-Men 2 comes closest of any film I know, with Ian McKellen (whose name I have undoubtedly misspelled) and the guy who plays Nightcrawler (whose name I have misplaced).

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79

70:Doesn't bother me that much. Kiefer Sutherland is not a tough guy, nor is Ian McShane.

76:"Spiral Staircase" by Ralph McTell? Just messing wid ya.

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80

re: 78

Alan Cumming. Although he isn't strictly gay -- since he was, at one time, married and is out as 'bi'.

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81

But I don't know that McShane (who looks like a tough guy) or Sutherland definitively aren't tough guys. I don't think it would be that hard to buy a well-known bisexual as a womanizer, but someone who was very publically only known as interested in men would be tougher.

Don't know, though. I could believe McKellan in a lot of roles. So maybe I'm wrong about this.

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82

I think it would be very easy to believe Rupert as a womanizer. That sort of overcompensation is part and parcel of the classic closet case.

I'm not really sure, though, that a standard action movie with an all-out-gay cast would work its magic in precisely the way you hope. We (meaning the queer folks) would flock to it - there would be cat-fights in line to get tickets and we would titter like tipsy aunts throughout its run. The breeders whose perceptions you'd want to change wouldn't take this as a lesson that hey, they've already been enjoying this. Instead they would chalk it up to the corrupt and deceitful influence of librul Hollywood, and take their dollars to... I don't know, whatever, Tom Cruise if he's really not gay as a plaid rabbit.

That's not to say it shouldn't be done. I think it would rule. I'd be one of the ones cat-fighting for tickets.

Relatedly, I'm not sure I can give Jodie Foster the crown for Coolest Queer Gender. Panic Room? Puh-leze.

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83

After Arnold Schwarzenegger play an expert in languages in True Lies, I think we can suspend disbelief about anything.

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84

Jonathan, was it Good Morning Mr. Edminton?

You should know, much as I would like to have answered your question correctly, if you tell me that I'm right and you think that song is catchy, I'll have to ban you.

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85

It was "Climb the Ladder," which I mistook for a staircase I suppose.

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86

Grrr.

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87

Plus, Jodie Foster defended Mel Gibson recently, remember? So disappointing.

(Although McManly, I'm sorry, but lesbians are way cooler than fags. You really just need to accept this.)

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88

Oh, I don't have any money on one gender or the other overall. I'm just saying Jodie doesn't get to take the crown.

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89

(Although McManly, I'm sorry, but lesbians are way cooler than fags. You really just need to accept this.)

Laughable and wrong. The definitive "cool" minority was long African-American, and if you try to match up the cultural influence of each group, gay men are much closer than lesbians, who are also-rans.

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90

Cultural influence = cool now? By those standards Wal-Mart is teh coolest.

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91

Poor B. I think the move here is to blame The Patriarchy.

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92

I would be willing to say that the coolest minority is whichever one is the least to blame for the current state of 21st century culture; in which case lesbians are doing OK, but the Yanomamo win hands down.

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93

Only if you don't think violence is a problem. Or that Napoleon Chagnon is a liar.

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94

I thought we were talking about who's coolest, not who's nicest. Are you trying to tell me violence isn't cool?

It's just a shame they don't smoke, too.

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95

They don't?

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96

From here:

Maclean's magazine attributes the influence of gay style to the mainstream popularization of such phenomena as "Sunday brunch, wicker, Perrier, sandblasted townhouses and reconverted warehouses, and earrings [for men]." The marketing departments of clothing industries such as Levi Strauss kept close tabs on the gay community for upcoming trends, citing the original button-fly jeans, painter's pants, and running shoes as examples of successful gay-to-straight crossover products in the fashion industry.
Plus, of course, disco. What more do you want?

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97

gay as a plaid rabbit

This would become my new favorite phrase, except I just ran across "queerer than a football bat" this week.

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98

96: They can't mean the original button-fly jeans - those were first made in the 1870s. Somehow, I doubt that the fashion industry was paying attention. And Oscar Wilde would never have approved of anything so plebian. [Remember, he toured the US & Canada to teach the barbarians aesthetics.]

I, for one, miss the day when wearing bluejeans was a transgressive act that upset one's great aunt. [If you had known my Great Aunt Gudrun, you'd have wanted to upset her, too.] I do wish that jeans would go out of favour in the gay community, so that the Kid would cease spending a couple of hundred dollars a pair.

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99

92 - Those guys responsible for Napoleon Chagnon and a whole school of half-assed debates about the societal advantages of acting like a frat boy. Lesbians are responsible for my occasionally getting the refrain of "Closer to Fine" stuck in my head. The noble Ainu people of Japan are responsible for approximately nothing, and are therefore by your standards the coolest societal group on earth except possibly for Jumble enthusiasts.

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100

Mamba!

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101

Mamba?

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102

Mamba.

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103

Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Mamba, por ti sere.

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104

Inory

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105

Wait, there are two recent films about Truman Capote?

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106

Seems like it. Lots of films come in pairs though, don't they?

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107

Wasn't the other also cold blood related, even?

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108

No action movie fight scene could ever be better than this.

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109

108: Wow.

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110

108: So the guy licking the blood off his knife is the villain?

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111

Yeah, I'm pretty sure buff Bob Saget is our hero.

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112

Dear god.

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113

Here, this'll wash the gay right out of your hair.

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114

Cool. Joged Sama-Sama must mean something like "Look at my butt!"

re 108: I especially like the way the moment-for-obligatory-clever-remarks by hero and heroine seems to be filled by placeholders: "See ya later, villain!" "Yeah, see ya!"

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115

No, but don't you get it, "see ya later" is clever, as it's punning on the fact that the villian [spoiler alert!] improbably lost both his eyes to impalement in the course of the fight.

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116

Of course, I acknowledge that cleverer remarks could have been made:

"He really took his eye off the ball."

"Yeah, now he's out of sight."

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117

There's a brilliant career writing martial arts movie subtitles just waiting for you, mrh.

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