Alternately:
What's up? You mention zombies. I find that pretty much fascinating. I'm in a grad school vegetarian metal band.
See, now there's an actually interesting and useful use of their data.
The atheist v. various religions part speaks volumes about their demographics.
3: The common terms for your preference are "water sports" and/or "golden showers", or so I have been led to believe.
8: that's the common term for trying and failing to punch southeast asian temples?
I'm just kidding. I know it's the common term for the unexpected oblique deviation of a southeast asian temple.
1: so the one monk says, you call that accurate azimuthal alignment?
Of the ideal southeast asian temple, really.
I can't figure out who just pwned who.
that pwned so bad my eyes are watering now.
that is, I was thinking I got pwned.
I find it interesting that they're datamining private messages/email.
max
['The Big Love Machine.']
I think technically you pwnd alameida, but once we take content and style into account . . . .
They speak to that at a reasonable level of detail in the linked post, max.
18: So what's your point, Sifu? Huh??
They could do some more fun analysis if they were willing to discard privacy. I'd like to see relative success rates by time of day. Also, you could probably figure out semantically when people were drunk. Lower hit rate or higher? Gender differences there?
It'd be fun to be OKCupid, is what I'm saying.
So, anybody have any good egg-containing cocktail recipes to share? The other day we were making Pink Ladies here on the homefront, and the whole process was very satisfying.
Emulsions are just neat, I think? But they were also very tasty. We used real grenadine, which helped I'm sure.
I forgot, this is the recipe we used, although we ended up having to up the amount of grenadine. We used plymouth gin.
Sifu, this book is really great. I made many, many syrup and booze infusions etc. all summer and they ruled.
We've been trying to look up the DeGroff version of recipes where we can, but should probably just buy his book. Although actually I find myself modifying his recipes somewhat often.
Also, we had a problem with the vigorous shaking required for the Pink Lady; the first couple we made we managed to dislodge the top of the shaker and spray gin and egg white all over the kitchen.
Can't make an omelette without coating yourself in an egg-based emulsion I suppose.
Can immersion blenders become the new stand mixer?
Was surprised to see that a sort of faux Aviation (vodka, no Maraschino, but with the creme de violette intact) was by far the most popular drink at the fancy bar I was in Saturday night. (Oh, and this was in NJ with my mom.)
That's odd. Things are trickling down to the sticks!
Can you mix drinks with an immersion blender? That would be a fascinating development.
Hee! There's a thought. Unfogged cocktail hour starts now! West coast commenters not exempted!
The OKCupid guys are brilliant. What a good idea.
Bad news for Unfoggeders: "Literature" and "Grad School" have much lower response correlations than "Metal Band" and "Zombie". (Of course, AWB could have told you this without a study).
The anti-alpha internet: "sorry", "apologize", and "awkward" have massively positive effects.
In case you don't want to click on a LGF link:
This is so pathetic I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Dozens -- if not hundreds -- of right wing blogs are running with this quote, portraying it as a statement about the tea party held last weekend: 'We believe it is the largest event held in Washington, D.C., ever.'
The quote is from January. The National Park Service spokesman was talking about Barack Obama's inauguration.
WASHINGTON - The National Park Service says it will rely on a media report that says 1.8 million people attended President Obama's inauguration. David Barna, a Park Service spokesman, said the agency did not conduct its own count. Instead, it will use a Washington Post account that said 1.8 million people gathered on the US Capitol grounds, National Mall, and parade route. "It is a record," Barna said. "We believe it is the largest event held in Washington, D.C., ever."
It's Rove's use-your-opponent's-strengths strategy as farce. I was going to say I expect them to accuse Obama of disrespecting the president soon, but I think they've already done that.
30: I don't think that's necessarily bad news for unfogged. I think zombies turn up here more often than the word "literature". I think on OKCupid the word "literature" turns up as a marker for fakes, as in "I love to read good literature," far more often than as an occupation: "I teach 20th century Czech literature at a small community college in North Dakota".
What's priceless is if you follow the links to who's running with it, you'll find that it seems to start with The American Thinker. When they're called on it by their commenters, who point out that AT's link even goes to a story about the inauguration, AT responds that it is "a technical software issue" and that they're working on it.
Ohh. A technical software issue. Well then.
Oh, and they juxtapose pictures of a tidy mall after the teabagging with messy mall post inauguration. This speaks to them some how.
34: the specificity of the terms almost certainly also plays a role. If you could get enough data to find correlations for e.g. "athenian drama" you'd probably get even higher response rates.
Which is to say, "literature" and "grad school" are both pretty nonspecific.
That leaves "band" as an outlier, but we all know the deal with being in a band.
36: Shh. That ad is secret, Sifu. CA can't know!
PS: I am in bed with maybe the Pig Flu!
I wonder what the OKCupid hit level for "Swine Flu" is.
34: "While pursuing my dissertation. In between semesters I tour with my metal band, Odradek."
Hee! You all are making me cough. My infected sputum -- let me show you it.
I teach 20th century Czech literature at a small community college in North Dakota
Oddly the community college in North Dakota only offers Spanish as a foreign language even though the surrounding area is pretty much all people of German ancestry.
The Czech part is a feeble attempt to protect the anonymity of the Spanish teacher.
Okay, actually I teach courses in electrical lineworking at a small community college in North Dakota.
I NEED TO KNOW HOW THE WORDS "GRUMPY", "CANTANKEROUS", "CURMUDGEON", "CODGER", "CRONE", and "GRIMALKIN" COMPARE
The title of this post would be perfect if "chat" was replaced with "cyber".
Oh, and if the question mark was omitted.
50/51: I don't get it.
(Great, start 'em young.)
"CRONE", and "GRIMALKIN"
Somebody finally got an 80 column card.
45: There's only one community college in North Dakota?
Wait your turn, JRoth, I asked a question first!
54: no.
Actually kind of yes. There are several state universities that tend to have a lot of people use them like a community colleges and there are some tech schools. I believe there is only one school that would definitively be called a community college.
60: huh! Some random webpage lied to me.
huh! Some random webpage lied to me.
Some of it might depend on how broadly you define community college. Bismark State College is the only one of those that I would say is really a community college in the classic sense. The other schools are more technical colleges than community colleges.
Gotta ask me questions I can parse. What is this point you speak of?
Wow. God totally strikes out with OKCupid.
#7 - Consider becoming an atheist.
Damn good advice, that.
66: I never was very popular with the pagans, tbh.
67: togolosh is into the athe-curious.
You know, my children, sometimes I sit around and wonder, "What if I were one of you?".
Don't sweat it. You probably have your pick of the virgins over at eHarmony, right?
Oh, and if anyone was wondering? Nietsche is dead, may I rest his soul.
Did you hear the joke about Peace, Love, and Understanding walking into a bar?
That post depresses me. I don't get nearly that response rate.
78: EVEN LESS FUNNY TO ME!
79: But isn't the post full of helpful hints to improve your hit rate?
(No, I haven't read the linked article. I'm working, people)
80: It just makes you want to cry, dunnit?
81: Well, as you can imagine, I don't really talk in netspeak, and I'm already an atheist, so I don't think anything really applies.
83: Ah. I thought maybe the article had stuff on how to say basically the same thing but in a way that generated more hits.
85: But, but, reading the linked article is against all our most sacred Unfogged customs. It violates the stricture against knowing what you're talking about before spouting an opinion.
OT: If you were going to buy a new PC laptop with a 15" screen for under $1000, what would you buy?
I think macbooks come under $1000 for a really basic model, and you can install Windows on them. (I did. No problems.)
87: No clue. But while we're on the topic and people are (hopefully) giving advice on computer purchases, what's the latest word on the best netbook type computer to buy?
88: With the student discount, no Applecare, you can get one of the white MacBooks for $1000. But that's a 13" screen.
90: Which turns out to be extremely serviceable. I thought I wanted a 15" screen but the MacBook has been just fine.
Of course, if for some reason you have to buy a copy of windows, (rather than obtaining one *ahem* elsewhere,) a macbook would be right out.
92: Yeah, I desperately want a 13" MacBook. I have an old (6 years!) 15" PowerBook and my back is tired of lugging it around.
But now to the important question posed in 89.
I have a 13" screen. I like it and plan to keep it, but it's beyond warranty and I plan to replace the fan - which is quite loud now - either myself or send it away, either of which option requires me to have an alternative. Meanwhile, I've come to the conclusion that the screen is too small for daily use. I actually bought a 15" laptop three years ago, but it was broken out of the box, tech support was incapable of fixing it, and I just returned it to amazon and got what I'm now using from a physical store.
I am really not looking for a mac. Besides being used to PCs and ok with them, this is really a heavy PC environment. By the time I leave I might be ready to look for a newer laptop, but not right now. Plus, the prices seem higher here relative to what you can get on a pc.
Also, I like how asking about a 15" PC returns 13" mac recommendations.
97: I have no advice on the 15" PC - everyone I know who has/had one has recently switched to the new MacBooks! And those 15" PCs that I'm aware of as being recommended by friends in the past were all over $1000.
87: I'd find whatever Dell is selling cheap, then scour the internet for Dell discount codes and get it cheaper.
Should come in well under $1000. Spend the extra money on memory and software.
The campus store here, with the educational discount, which claims to be an authorized apple store, doesn't sell a macbook for less than $1300 (Canadian, but still over $1000 US). Online, Apple shows slightly lower prices in Canada.
89 - I've got a Samsung NC-10, and love it. Since I've had mine, C got one from work when he needed his eee replacing, and Kid A got one from the insurance company as a replacement for *her* eee after she poured cereal on it.
That is, slightly lower prices than at the campus store.
Anyway, I shouldn't have asked just now, because I have to close down my noisy laptop and go to a meeting.
Toshibas are also good. Stay away from Thinkpads and HPs.
I picked it because it has nice square keys. Most I looked at were rectangular. My parents recently got a little Dell netbook (as their guest computer! They're funny. You should visit them.), and it's a nice size, nice keys, but has a very reflective screen which can make it tricky to use in the conservatory.
Oh, I do like my friend's Vaio a lot. But I don't know how pricey they are.
103: I learned the hard way about HP. That was the brand of the computer that arrived broken. They don't seem as common around here, but Lenovo is all over.
92: Yeah, I desperately want a 13" MacBook.
But then they mysteriously don't connect to what seems to be a perfectly good wi-fi signal!
(Um, have I complained about this already? I have? OK, I'll shut up now.)
You should visit them.
Okay. What's their address?
(thanks for the advice)
I picked it because it has nice square keys. Most I looked at were rectangular.
Shapist.
But then they mysteriously don't connect to what seems to be a perfectly good wi-fi signal!
You know, I have the same problem with my ancient laptop. I have no idea what causes it. I was told once by a possibly reputable source that the metal in the Mac casing does interfere with the signal, but that doesn't really explain it.
But on the veldt rectangular keys were too small for my fingers! I'm just being practical.
My parents live in Pembrokeshire, south west Wales, near the sea. Let me know if you're passing.
I have a 13" screen.... I've come to the conclusion that the screen is too small for daily use.
I don't agree; it's perfect for me. YMMV, of course. (And my MacBook is so much nicer than my Linux-running desktop with its 17" monitor that I never use the latter anymore [Yes, I know I could hook up the monitor to the laptop, but that's too much trouble, and then I can't sit on the couch and watch TV and read Unfogged threads simultaneously]).
Excessive use of my iPhone the last few days convinces me that 4" screens are far too small, though.
111: Will do! And if you're ever in Texas . . . .
Let me know if you're passing.
Things to do on my deathbed:
1: Contact asilon.
2. ...
The Lenovo I am currently forced to used freezes up once or twice a day. The previous Lenovo I had was much better - that one only blue-screened whenever you tried to use the Wi-Fi.
Further to 113: I can stipulate "no group hugs" if that's necessary.
In the days of yore, wouldn't more of these comments be cock jokes? Unfogged has lost its way.
(112 s/b: I've been trying to work with 4" but it's just too hard... Laydeez.)
Essear, you could have made a cock joke yourself, but you had to do some sort of meta-awkward thing that will ensure no actual jokes ever appear.
Also, I think 13" is more than ample.
Depending on the girth, of course.
But I am meta-awkward! And I suck at cock jokes.
Where are the cockjokes of yesteryear?
And I suck at cock jokes
There you go.
Unless 13" was the girth.
Circumference or diameter?
Girth means circumference, doesn't it? Which would give you a diameter of about 4". Which won't make it easy for essear to get it in his mouth.
112: I thought I'd qualified that by saying "my daily use" but I guess not. I find it great for carrying around to libraries and archives and don't really want to give that up. But I do a lot of copying text from one window to another and don't find the screen wide enough to comfortably have multiple windows open without blocking each other. Plus, it doesn't handle things like high quality images of handwriting, for example, all that well. Part of that is because it's too old, so it struggles with any high quality visual media, but it also means you can't have that much writing on the screen at the same time. All 13" laptops are pretty much out of my budget, so it doesn't matter much.
I wouldn't go near a 17" laptop - too clunky. 14" might be ok, but I don't see many and the dimensions seem weird.
115: The previous Lenovo I had was much better - that one only blue-screened whenever you tried to use the Wi-Fi.
Yeah - the IBM label actually turns out to mean something.
122: Where are the cockjokes of yesteryear?
They got sucked out.
max
['Like chrome off a bumper.']
Ok, this fan is driving me insane. And probably annoying others even more. Maybe I should just buy a cheap(er) netbook and leave this computer at home, then next year see if I can get a new laptop. But even though I've tried to sit near the loud fluorescent lights in the library, they're just not enough to drown this out. I tried to sit near the vents, but there was no power outlet.
128: I find that Exposé on Macs helps a huge amount with juggling lots of windows, copying things between them, etc, to the extent that I manage lots of windows much better on my laptop than on any desktop I've ever used. But again, YMMV, of course.
Juggling, I assume, means that they're not simultaneously visible.
Of course, I was aware that I was opening myself up to 123.
I need a new computer too. A 2-year-old dumped watermelon and juice all over mine, and it is slowly and dramatically demonstrating more and more undesirable characteristics.
I am flirting with Craigslist, and also with the Refurbished section of the online apple store. Mainly at the moment I'm backing things up like crazy and hoping to squeeze a few more months out...
But I do a lot of copying text from one window to another and don't find the screen wide enough to comfortably have multiple windows open without blocking each other.
I'm not sure exactly what you're doing, but if it's simply copying and pasting as opposed to reading in one window, typing in the other, Mac has a pretty cool feature - Spaces - that allows you to move between multiple desktops. If it's really about needing the space to have things side by side, that probably won't help, though.
Alt-tab works fine for me on windows to go between windows, but thanks. Anyway, I have to turn this thing off. So much for reading pdfs at the library.
133: Well, with the wide screen, two side-by-side files is workable. But mostly I mean overlapping windows everywhere. I have Exposé configured so I flick the mouse to the top left to get thumbnails of every window to choose among. It's fast and intuitive.
(I like this much more than multiple desktops, contra (), but it's all a matter of taste and work habits, I guess. Multiple desktops have been a feature of Unix window managers forever, but I never managed to get much out of them.)
A 2-year-old dumped watermelon and juice all over mine
A series of cumulatively heartbreaking beverage-on-keyboard incidents over the last year convinces me that waterproof keyboards will be the next great laptop innovation to become standardized.
Barring that, a breathalyzer chip that detects beer-breath and shuts the computer down would go far in my case.
standard, not standardized. erk.
In the Book of Tobit, Tobit originally had two sons, Tobias and Toshibas, but the adventures of Toshibas were lost due to scribal error.
138: I don't actually use it; the only Mac I have capable of running Spaces is a desktop so I don't really need the extra space. But I've watched a friend use them pretty neatly for various tasks, in a way that impressed me as useful. Plus, I'm a doofus when it comes to computer stuff so I don't even know why I'm attempting to be helpful!
142: I think it's useful for people who have a modicum of organizational skill in managing their work. But for someone like me who opens windows willy-nilly and jumps frenetically between tasks, not so much. I mean, can you imagine separating the blog threads and the work stuff on different desktops? Horrifying!
Still, some traditions pertaining to Toshibas were preserved orally for a time before once again being written down. By this time, though, the codex had supplanted the scroll as the preferred scribal medium.
143: But then two taps on the mouse pad and you're flipping back and forth! I like the whole hiding things aspect of it, but that's just because I'm secretive.
I use F9 and F10 a lot for finding/switching between windows. I am also addicted to the clipboard manager that Snark wrote to my exacting specifications. It's nice to stuff a whole bunch of text snippets into the clipboard, switch windows, and only then pull them out one by one.
I found a seat near a power outlet at the student union where the ambient noise drowned out the laptop, but just as I was getting comfortable they kickd us out. Apparently, only half of the building is open after the lunch hours are over. Because why would you want people to have more comfortable places to sit in the late afternoon?
Canadians are known liberal fascists.
Anyway, sorry for being so dismissive, but I really do want parallel windows open. Also the ability to read facing pages on pdfs in relatively large fonts.
147: I feel this way about a lot of my campus, as well. Plenty of spaces outside to sit and work, but in terms of comfortable inside spaces, I think we're sorely lacking. (Don't get me started on the library's chairs, which give me a back ache in about 5 minutes.)
149: Yeah, the parallel windows thing is pretty critical for me, since many of my sources are on Google Books, so I spend a lot of time reading in one window and typing in another. I just advanced it as a possibility!
148: Heh. The international student orientation included a discussion of how health care is considered a right up here and how we should make sure we sign up for the provincial plan. Which I, uh still need to do.
So, eb, is there a USA cultural organization on your campus to provide a sense of community for people like you? Perhaps they hold mixers where they serve cheeseburgers and apple pie, and put on a cultural show each year for the locals that informs them about such US cultural touchstones as the celebutante and customary units?
I wouldn't say I'm surprised, exactly, at the direction this thread ended up taking, but I think the OkCupid link is worthy of a bit more discussion than it got.
This, for example:
Interesting exceptions to the "no netspeak" rule are expressions of amusement. haha (45% reply rate) and lol (41%) both turned out to be quite good for the sender. This makes a certain sense: people like a sense of humor, and you need to be casual to convey genuine laughter.
Yes, it is an interesting topic. How do people who have used dating sites feel about it?
I can't imagine ever getting responses to anything, so it all seems wildly optimistic, the idea that some strategies have above-average results instead of everything being below-average.
instead of everything being below-average.
Wow. That would really be something.
Note that almost everything gets less than a 50% response rate.
Also note that the average rate seems to be 32%.
Probably another factor is that people using proper grammar, some of those keywords, etc. are doing a better job of finding mutually good matches, so the success rate is due to both the content of the message and the quality of the match.
153: but I think the OkCupid link is worthy of a bit more discussion than it got.
Go back two posts before the post Becks linked and I think you will find the info on message length very interesting.
max
['Said post also answered my privacy comment, which was helpful.']
"Messages sent by guys are, overall, only about half as likely to get replies as similar messages from women."
I also follow the advice in the post from 161. (Though I had to learn to do that.)
How do people who have used dating sites feel about it?
I never did live chat via dating sites, but my email response record was 15 sent, 2 dates (out of which, one wife), 1 polite decline, 12 no-response.
A friend who used the sites for a very long time said that the key was knowing something about a detail far down the person's page, and doing a very short introduction in which you deploy said knowledge about said detail and suggest in very few words talking about it further.
I went back and read my come-ons and they were all trying way too hard.
Not sure why I thought they were talking about live chat.
Anyway, I wrote a lot of wordy bullshit in my initial messages. Connecting to things people write about themselves is good. Making plays on words is not advised.
Huh. I just logged into OkCupid for the first time in a while, and it turned out someone had messaged me on August 10. I replied, but since I've since moved across the country I don't think it's going to lead to anything.
Online dating made average-seeming guys a lot more attractive. Unfortunately, there's just about no way to represent "I am incredibly intelligent" in a profile that doesn't make a lady fear you're sort of a dick. At first, I'd respond to that type, but it eventually would end up in some sort of exchange in which he'd try to tell me I don't know anything about my field, or he'd quiz me on my ability to define a long and useless word. I ended up just responding to the guys who sounded easy (and easy-going).
On the positive side, I slept with several nice, attractive guys. On the negative side, it usually wasn't going to go anywhere good. I did spend 2.5 years with an online date who was clearly (in his profile) a mega-smart asshole, and turned out to be at least not irritatingly competitive.
I do recall also going out with someone whose introductory message bore marks of 100% insanity. It was spelled well, though, and there was a certain musicality to it. Turns out, he was a performance artist. We had a nice time!
Online dating didn't end up leading anywhere serious for me, but it was fun and I met some interesting people. The advice on message length seems about right. I had the most success with the shortest messages.
How do people who have used dating sites feel about it?
I went on dates with a lot of guys who clearly wanted a woman who was smart, but not too smart. I could see it in our interaction the second they dismissed me. In the best cases they just stopped being interested, in the worst cases they got suddenly conversationally aggressive.
173: Yup. A guy flirted with me on the train the other day, and a few minutes into the conversation, it got chilly at a very familiar moment. Nothing bad happened and the conversation continued, but there was a turn in the intent. This is less annoying when it's not someone you've agreed to have dinner or drinks with.
In the long run, longer emails that were actually really well-written and interesting produced the best dates, so I came to prefer them. Shorter emails that avoided pitfalls (whininess, competitiveness, asexuality) got the highest percentage of responses from me, but I went into the date often not having any idea about the guy. That's not a bad way to do it if quantity of responses and dates is what you want, but it never foretold an excellent dating experience. The longer email is a high-wire act.
Sometimes it takes a few months before they realize how much it irritates them. They spend a long time trying to tell themselves they always wanted to try dating a smart woman, and it's sexist not to enjoy it, but some things are really deep. I prefer when they know they don't like it right away.
But being smart is not that much more useful than being say physically strong or agile. Helpless geniuses are common, and not especially appealing, Why invest ego there?
Now that I've clicked through and read the OKC blog posts, I'm a little puzzled. Yes, they have a wealth of data, but (as their users point out in comments), it's not all for the same thing. Some people are searching for a relationship, some for quick sexual contact, and some for non-romantic friends.
Also, I think they went a little nuts with trying to analyze the efficiency of every possible interaction. Just judging from the variation I see in relationships around me, some people probably love to get a quick, breezy introduction, and others don't. I guess the premise seems a little weird to me, like saying there is an optimum length for a phone conversation, or something.
To be fair, and I've been thinking about this a lot, I think quite a few intelligent people are sort of conversationally isolated. Or even if they have super-smart friends, maybe they're the sort who don't like talking in a way that demands much thought. (One of my good friends is like this; he's a total brain, but whenever anyone uses a "hard" word in casual conversation, even if he knows what it means, he accuses them of being a snob.) And people who want to be around smart people often fantasize about what that will be like without having had much experience doing it. So it doesn't necessarily matter that you're a woman (maybe it's pure sexism in some cases, but I think not always); if they met a new dude friend who challenged them intellectually in conversation it would be startling and annoying as well.
I am spoiled that my job basically consists of having the hardest conversations I can possibly participate in, all the time, with really young, curious people who aren't comparing themselves to me. So it's hard for me not to judge a guy who can't hack it when I talk about my dissertation when every day I talk to a room full of 18-year-olds, some of them not even particularly bright, who have no problem understanding, showing interest, and asking questions. If I didn't teach or spend time talking about teaching with colleagues, I think I'd feel pretty irritated by difficult conversation, too.
When archaeologists first discovered a codex preserving the traditions of Deutero-Toshibas, they were doubly surprised to find that it wasn't bound in the usual way, but instead was held together by a helical leather thong.
Yes, they have a wealth of data, but (as their users point out in comments), it's not all for the same thing. Some people are searching for a relationship, some for quick sexual contact, and some for non-romantic friends.
Relatedely, I didn't really realize that people used OKCupid as a serious dating website until quite recently; when I was in college, we used it mainly as an amusing site to take quizzes on, and the only experience I had with it since (despite having an anonymous profile on there, somewhere) was knowing someone who had recently moved to Berkeley using it to find friends.
178: Yeah, the efficiency stuff is pretty silly, and the whole thing is a bit lacking in rigor. Mostly I think the lexical results are interesting, particularly in comparative terms.
181 could explain my lack of internet dating success. Step 1: Know the websites.
Mostly I think the lexical results are interesting, particularly in comparative terms.
One thing I think is interesting that they didn't seem to note is the heavy class (and even somewhat racial) element to the disfavored words. This seems predictable, given that as far as I can tell OKC skews heavily toward white, highly educated geeks. Especially if people are dating aspirationally, they aren't likely to respond to messages that telegraph a lower social class.
I think quite a few intelligent people are sort of conversationally isolated.
This makes sense, and it relates to some things I've noticed in my own social life recently. I've often had the experience of talking to someone about something that interests me and having the only reaction be "omg you're so smart!" Uh, thanks. It's hard to sustain a serious conversation in that situation.
Most recently, of course, I've mostly been socializing with people I don't know very well, so it's hard to tell what the conversational dynamics are going to end up being (or even which people I'm going to end up talking to most).
And people who want to be around smart people often fantasize about what that will be like without having had much experience doing it.
Who are these people? Weird.
174 : Shorter emails that avoided pitfalls ( [...] asexuality)
Out of curiosity, what do you mean by asexuality as a pitfall? I assume that "ur sexy wanna hav sex?" wouldn't have gone over well with you; do you just mean that you were looking for more understated and eloquent physical compliments? I've sent messages to 5 women so far, and all were fairly asexual.
Responses came from 3, a date was carried out with one, and a date was scheduled then canceled on me with another, with a pending offer to reschedule. 0 wives.
I was wondering about the asexuality thing too.
In re: the unbearable lightness of ensmartening, generalizations are pretty silly, and wrong, but that said one of the reasons the hacker scene always appealled to me was that you weren't really going to be able to hang for very long if you were a moron.
I've since come to realize that I was being snobbish and weird and self-isolating in only wanting to talk to smart people, but at a time of vulnerable immaturity it was I think rather a relief.
179 doesn't really jibe with my experiences. Of course, I work in an entirely different field and interact with a pretty different set of people, so I'm not qualified to speak to the context AWB describes, but in general I don't see the issue as so-called "smart" people being isolated.
I think humans are extremely social and love to communicate, and all types of humans look for others who share their preferred style and mode of communication. Where it gets hard is where people feel insecure or make global assertions or judgments based on very little data.
I have done a lot of interviews in my time, both formal and informal. For me one of the true pleasures in life is hearing someone else talk about something they're passionate about, or tell a story from their life. But I'm also keenly aware that while some people will find it affirming and delightful if you respond to their story by mentioning a recent news article or a connection from your own life, other people will find that intimidating and/or will think you are showing off.
In a professional context, this is easy to handle: your job is to put people at ease. In a personal context, trying to manage the other person's reactions is exhausting, somewhat patronizing, and ultimately fruitless. Not to mention intimacy-killing.
Ok, in light of the past few comments, this will seem self-congratulatory, but: I really don't get the wanting "a woman who was smart, but not too smart." I mean, I know it's a thing, I just can't identify with it.
Indeed, in my biggest regret relationship, most of the idiocy on my side came from not thinking she was smart enough - we had great physical chemistry and enjoyed each others' company, but I didn't respect her intellect (mind you, she was a fellow architecture student at CMU; in my defense, she was a freshman, a couple years behind me). Later I realized that there was more there than I'd thought, but the opportunity had passed.
Signed, Desperately Seeking an Intellectual Equal, Laydeez
Uh, I started 193 when 176 was the latest comment. Sorry.
Where it gets hard is where people feel insecure or make global assertions or judgments based on very little data.
As you can see here, here, and also here (pointing).
So hard to hit that sweet spot of exactly 1 wives.
195: In past days, someone would have made a low-hanging fruit joke to that, you know. Missed opportunity!
In all seriousness, if it wasn't clear, I was particularly talking about someone making the global judgment of "You're so smart" based on a brief conversational exchange.
If we're talking about the actual post, is the low response rate for hello, hey, and hi because those words are disfavored or because those words are common and the overall response rate isn't very high?
And so, by virtue of its unusual construction, the codex became known to the world as the Toshibas Notebook.
199: That's probably the case for "hey," which is just below average, and probably for "hello," which is only a little lower, but "hi" is quite a bit lower than average. Which is odd.
178: Keep in mind they're only talking about the first message. My limited success in conversations usually came after a short first e-mail, followed by many more e-mails of increasing length.
In past days, someone would have made a low-hanging fruit joke to that, you know. Missed opportunity!
Be the change you wish to see in the blog.
I was particularly talking about someone making the global judgment of "You're so smart" based on a brief conversational exchange.
In the cases I was mostly thinking of, at least, it wasn't just a brief conversational exchange but a repeated pattern among people who knew me pretty well.
It has been some time since I've had a conversation where I noticed the other person getting chilly in response to my intellect. This is perhaps a result of the facts that I am (a) not on the dating market, (b) oblivious, (c) antisocial, (d) possibly not actually all that dazzlingly brilliant in conversation!
I assume it's because partly due to the the high percentage of one-word messages. I'm assuming that they counted both "Hey, I was looking at your profile and am so jazzed to see that you like Desperate Eagles too," and "hey" in the same category. You've got to imagine that the latter ones are dragging the response rate down.
Man, I totally want to date someone who writes like 206! Is that guy single?
204: I find people get uncomfortable, sometimes, if I mention what I do, but haven't really ever noticed it happen during the hitting on each other process.
As a side note, I got hit on today by a woman. The key to getting the ladies is apparently a frantic look while rapidly skimming a book that must be sent back to the Library of Congress today.
"Hi, fair maiden, I wear a fedora at all times. U?"
I've been assuming that OKCupid is a dating site for Oklahomans, but it appears that may not be the case. Who knew?
And I'll raise JRoth: the ones I regret--one in particular--were cases where I fear in hindsight that she thought that I thought that she wasn't smart enough, when actually the problem was that I didn't think I was nearly socially whatever enough to have a chance.
I always use a subject line of "hi" or "hello" or occasionally "ceci n'est pas une message", because there's really nothing better to put in there. I assume they're not really counting the subject line.
Once I got an OKCupid message from a guy who claimed to be in his mid-40s, was clearly at least in his mid-50s. It was extremely long, he was bending over backwards to demonstrate how cultured he was, and the verbiage was way heavy on the superlative adjectives. He also made the unfortunate claim that he is "excruciatingly fun in the sack."
209: boy did that not work for me in 8th grade.
I always use a subject line of "hi" or "hello" or occasionally "ceci n'est pas une message", because there's really nothing better to put in there.
"wat"
You should know that I feel that you can trust that I sympathize with the cases you mention, that I hear, where you fear in hindsight that she thought that you thought that she wasn't smart enough.
Whatever, Mr. Grammar Person. My reminiscences are cringeworthy enough that getting called on a God-awful sentence is just background noise.
It's okay, NPH, paranoid android just thinks that you think that he thinks he's too smart for you.
Neil, that's a fabulous sentence.
The asexuality thing:
A lot of dude's profiles talk about soulmating, wondering who God has picked out for them, or whatever. Or their prose reflects a total unembodiedness, a lack of flirtation. I'm not talking about someone who says, "You are pretty" or "Would you like to have intercourse?"--that's repellent--but someone whose profile or message communicates some level of interest in physical intimacy is good.
I haven't been on an internet date in a long time, but when I was doing it, it was at least with the hope that I might get laid. I had plenty of nice dates with guys that didn't turn into anything physical, but it was more because there wasn't chemistry than that they seemed... inert. Maybe sexually inert is a better way of describing it than asexual?
I wear a fedora at all times.
Man, I shamelessly hit on men who wear fedoras. Unfortuantely, they are almost always much, much older, and thus not actually romantic prospects.
224 to 222.
[Not Prince Hamlet ---> NPH ---> Neil Patrick Harris.]
"excruciatingly fun in the sack."
This squicks me badly. Oof.
I keep forgetting that Witt's not male.
The first time I sent someone a message on OKCupid it led to a series of ten or so long, highly entertaining messages being exchanged with a funny, brilliant woman. But she stopped writing back; maybe I was boring. She lived hundreds of miles away, anyway, having lied about location in her profile. But damn, was she smart, and later I stumbled upon a hilarious but now-defunct blog she wrote. Further attempts to use the site have been less entertaining. Though I did get a potentially promising message a couple of weeks ago, which I haven't responded to because ugh, no free time whatsoever lately, when in town.
This comment has been brought to you by time-zone-confused insomnia.
excruciatingly bad in the sack
OK, that's the best I could do.
Does everyone here use Ok Cupid?
I'm not talking about someone who says, "You are pretty" or "Would you like to have intercourse?"--that's repellent
Well, sure. But combine the two -- now you're getting somewhere!
I've had several conversations suddenly end for no apparent reason. Quite annoying. Makes me (ever so) slightly more insecure.
Standpipe's comments make me wish that the Toshibas I saw at Staples this afternoon weren't all 17" laptops.
The whole message was pretty squicky.
I have since seen the dude at the theater (hello small city), clearly on a date. Eeeew.
I've had several conversations suddenly end for no apparent reason.
After a few emails, a few conversations, a few dates, a few years... as Megan has wisely said, there is absolutely nothing anyone can ever say that always means what the English words "I will call you" appear to mean.
men who wear fedoras...are almost always much, much older
Hm. I can't remember the last time I saw a real living man wearing a fedora who wasn't much younger than I and trying to work either a Drudge/young republican/bowtied geek look, or an androgynous urban youth/Michael Jackson kind of look. Either of which would put them out of the running for an entirely different reason than yours.
231: "Use" is a strong word. have had an account for years, only exchanged messages with a handful of people, no dates came out of it.
Library of Congress today
Hey, what's your call number? Interested in a little HQ 801?
(Yes, I've made a similar joke before.)
231: We're basically the target demographic.
Wow, iPhone completes "quasi-" to Quasimodo.
240: Around here it's mostly black men aged 60+.
androgynous urban youth/Michael Jackson Hott.
I really like the match percentage dealy. It allows me to disqualify broad swaths of potential dates with almost no effort or time spent at all. This has done wonders for my sex life.
My Okcupid profile displays a lot of neuroticism, IIRC.
Why don't old black men want to date you, Witt?
I see 248, I think I'm sitting on a gold neologism, I think "no way dude, that's been thought of." The latter impulse is correct.
At least I've helpfully made things explicit.
This reminds me that I need to call someone I met via my ostentatious reading of a Philip K. Dick novel on the bus. A week later is not past the statute of limitations for this, is it?
251: like, aloud? Otherwise I'm not sure I understand how one would make the reading of a sci-fi novel on the bus ostentatious.
251: Will the evening involve electric sheep?
251 is how I met the guy in 174.1, except train and different novelist. It was going well for a few minutes, but I'm glad we figured out our differences before he got off the train. We shook hands and smiled warmly.
I'm not sure I understand how one would make the reading of a sci-fi novel on the bus ostentatious.
Hold it up to your face and occasionally peek out from it to make sure people are noticing. Requires a large book with a garish dustjacket.
252: Exclaiming "Man, I love Dick! I can't get enough!" usually gets the point home. Works for any author.
A week later is not past the statute of limitations for this, is it?
Hell no.
Because they grew up in a different era. Old white guys either shamelessly hit back, or ignore me. Old black guys are just that slight, noticable bit more measured.
Some really theatrical page turning and silent-film-style facial expressions, maybe.
250 reminds me: Last summer our nonprofit threw a fancy dinner as a fundraiser at the home of a local nursery owner. His house's style was basically "what the future looked liked to people in the early 1970s". Sort of Star Trek Deco architecture and furninshings.
Just a week or so ago I ran into the guy who bartended the event, and we were reminiscing about the decor, and he said, "oh yeah, we call that High Tack".
255: won't people just think you're hiding?
255 is immensely more entertaining if one has recently ridden a trolley line frequented by university students.
259: While playing a small concertina.
won't people just think you're hiding?
The conversation actually began, "Why are you so scared of . . . the book by that guy"?
Because they grew up in a different era.
An era when responding to flirtation was somewhat more problematic, it's true.
Get a special dust jacket made with a picture of your face on it. Or only read books that you can hold in this way.
A woman I met in a laundry room at a hostel noticeably (positively) changed her manner towards me when I joked that the machines - there were only a few and I had been periodically checking in to see if her wash was done so I could start my laundry - were taking so long that she'd be done with the whole Proust novel (I can't remember how I referred to it, but she was reading Swann's Way) by the time she was done. Then when I was putting in my laundry and she was beginning her wait for her clothing to dry, I caught out of the corner of my eye her glancing at the book I'd been reading and saw her make a sort of puzzled/grimace expression. The book was Christ Stopped at Eboli; I wasn't reading it to be obscure - it was recommended by Lonely Planet Italy. Honest!
I think the serious and contemplative look is preferred. And I suppose ostentatious isn't quite the right word. You want people to be able to tell that you're reading Sartre or Dick or whoever, but you don't want it to be too obvious that your showing off that you're reading Sartre or Dick or whoever. If you're at the cafe doing this and smoking Gitanes or the like you need to leave the packet on the table so people know you're smoking Gitanes or the like. Etc. etc. etc.
269: and if you can be riding a Vespa while reading as well, so much the better.
Hey, what's your call number? Interested in a little HQ 801?
Immensely funny. I'm just glad that I've read enough HQ books to fully get the joke.
On my way home from a quick jaunt to the grocery store, I noticed that the church on my street's sign reads: "Spanking: A Form of Love?"
Sometimes it's fun to deliberately hold and move around a book with the cover down or the spine facing towards you and watch people try while trying to look like they're not trying to read the title.
I bet I could put a whole book in my mouth.
I very rarely see someone reading a book ostentatiously on the bus. The last one was probably a guy reading this. No takers.
193
Ok, in light of the past few comments, this will seem self-congratulatory, but: I really don't get the wanting "a woman who was smart, but not too smart." I mean, I know it's a thing, I just can't identify with it.
Makes perfect sense to me. You want a woman who is smart enough to properly appreciate your brilliance but not so smart that she isn't impressed.
Uh-oh, Shearer needs to go back and read that thread in which KR got his butt kicked by Fleur for saying he was smarter than her.
188
Who are these people? Weird.
Smart kids at bad schools for example.
I used OKC for like 9 years. Not for dates though. In fact, when I realised that the whole thing had turned into some weird drama meatgrinder thing, I decided to bail for awhile. I only went on one date, and that was because the young lady decided that she needed a date, so therefore she decided to inviegle me into something like a date that wasn't really, but really was, apparently. That didn't work out well.
People really don't react well to 'just here for friends'.
Also I have fedora (well, really a trilby) formerly worn by an old black man, but it needs a cleaning and reshaping.
max
['Online dating: not really worth it.']
smart enough to properly appreciate your brilliance but not so smart that she isn't impressed.
I don't think someone being "so smart" necessarily means that that person would not appreciate someone else's intelligence. I guess it depends on what you mean by appreciate and how you evaluate intelligence (competitively, for instance). And of course, how you regard yourself.
To follow on 280, I'm not particularly brilliant, and there are plenty of much smarter people than I out there, and routinely, I find myself unimpressed.
276
Uh-oh, Shearer needs to go back and read that thread in which KR got his butt kicked by Fleur for saying he was smarter than her.
Refresh my memory. Was Fleur mad because she thinks KR isn't smarter than her, because of the way he phrased it or because she thought he shouldn't have been publically rating her intellect?
281
To follow on 280, I'm not particularly brilliant, and there are plenty of much smarter people than I out there, and routinely, I find myself unimpressed.
But I would expect you are more likely to be impressed than if they are much dumber than you.
279: Now you tell me.
What?
281: To follow on 280, I'm not particularly brilliant, and there are plenty of much smarter people than I out there, and routinely, I find myself unimpressed.
The appearance of intelligence and actual intelligence are different things, and also both overrated as a single determinant of.... of.... worth.
max
['But try telling that to... ah, never mind.']
279: Now you tell me.
What?
Feh: wat
max
['Wat Smedley, bookseller and amateur thespian, descendent of Wat Tyler, and the real author of 7 lines in one of Shakespeake's plays.']
285: It's not so much intelligence that's important as mental whateverness curiosity and willingness to entertain ideas and follow threads of thought to new places. Or maybe that is intelligence.
Still not getting back to sleep, and I have to give a talk today. This is not going to go well. Luckily, it doesn't matter muh anyway.
curiosity and willingness to entertain ideas and follow threads of thought to new places. Or maybe that is intelligence.
That fits my definition. Amassing knowledge is another facet of it, but not the most important. But I read the damn mental whateverness thread and there's no need to revisit that!
wat
Ya cant hit, realy, luv.
Curious what physics tattoes you mention. Pretty sure noticed that your name vegetarian literature. Good taste. Atheist? Christian? Jewish? Muslim? Cool.
Seeking mutual, equal relationship with persons in power. ROYALTY ONLY.
Amassing knowledge is another facet of it, but not the most important.
Amassed knowledge seems to be what my interlocutors tend to have in mind when they do the "omg you're so smart!" thing. It's true that I know a lot of stuff, but I really don't think it's that big a deal (or that it necessarily indicates anything about my intelligence overall).
standpipe is on fire, people. this is golden age blogging.
I ultimately made my husband choice partly on the grounds that I thought he was the smartest among the group of three guys in contention. naturally there were other factors, but it was actually pretty important. husband x is smarter than a crazy linguist and a crazy logician. hmm, plus, less crazy. it's win-win.
Nomination: Best second sentence of a Wikipedia entry.
Knowledge of Tyler's early life is very limited, and derives mostly through the records of his enemies.
I was disappointed that "See also: Fobbing" led to an article about a place.
essear's OKC profile: located! Now I can finally say that I don't think we knew each other in college.
Oh god. Am I going to have to delete my profile to keep you people from reading? I haven't looked at it in ages. It's probably embarrassing.
298: You should link to it first. Then we'll tell you whether it's delete-worthy. It's the most logical way.
Less embarrassing than mine, I'd say.
I'm really terrible at stalking people on OK Cupid, it turns out.
One embarrassing thing is I've almost completely forgotten any details of the book I took the username from.
I found neb's profile, the last time OkC came up here.
I will tell you, the name CuteNerd does little for me.
My profile, meanwhile, probably tries way too hard to make me seem much more bubbly and friendly and fun than I really am. I cringe when I look at all those exclamation points. In my defense, I haven't updated it since I wrote it last year.
I don't know why that's a defense, exactly. It's OK to have been a tool only one year ago?
What is the statute of limitations on toolish prose?
I'm getting better at the stalking. Otto, your profile isn't toolish.
That site isn't very iPhone-friendly. Can't get the search-by-location to work.
Ok, now I feel guilty for stalking. Someone absolve me.
310: You're absolved. I think I successfully stalked you a while back on facebook, not that it was particularly hard.
Thanks, Stanley. And no, my identity is not much of a secret.
Wait, now I feel the need for absolution. Is there no end to the madness?
Everyone's absolved! Plenary indulgences all around! As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, the soul from purgatory springs!
Wait, now I feel the need for absolution.
You are forgiven, my child.
Now I can stalk Stanley all I want!
317: It's a difficult penance, but I'll make it through.
We need to build that Cathedral in Rome, guys. Stalk away, then pay up!
Rome already has a cathedral. I'm just saying this because I have no profile, no username, and consequently, no ability to stalk.
They're not hard to make, eb. (Is it sad to admit that I made one specifically for stalking? I couldn't remember my previous user name or password.)
If I cross that line, I'll start writing things like, "im rdng yr prfl haha lol, u want chat now?"
You are far more honorable than I.
Plus, added bonus, quizzes for when one is bored.
I use the quizzes to determine when I'm bored?
Yes. If you're taking one, you're bored.
It's as if the questions themselves don't matter.
I'm disappointed that I can only attribute getting hardly any responses on OKC to my always opening with "Hi".
Also, I thought "awesome" was considered over-used. I'm a little surprised it gets such high marks.
re: 188
My Dad, for a start. He's extremely intelligent, and very well read, but he left school at 15 and has no formal education. 99% of the things he's interested in are way over the head of 99% of the people he interacts with on a regular basis. He jumps at the chance to be around, and talk to, smart people but isn't socialised to the sorts of situations that someone who has spent a lot of time in formal education would be.
309:Ya cant hit, realy, luv.
It's three o'clock in the bloody morning. I was previously almost asleep for two hours. wat?
309: Curious what physics tattoes you mention. Pretty sure noticed that your name vegetarian literature. Good taste. Atheist? Christian? Jewish? Muslim? Cool.
{sniffs sadly} My favorite OKC profile, a piratanical epic that achieved the nirvana of total uselessness (since three people actually laughed at it, but exactly zero people actually got it and said so) is sadly tucked away on a CD somewhere that's been missing for a year. Clearly, since I have a headache and can't concentrate, I should look for it, since I obviously won't be asleep anytime soon. Gah.
max
['Nice shoes though.']
sorry about the insomnia, max. it's really hot and muggy here in mid-afternoon singapore, if that makes you feel any better.
[though I can't imagine why it would]
My Dad, for a start.
This makes sense. Now that I think of it, my Dad also seems pretty hungry for intelligent conversation. He's social, and talks to a lot of people every day for his job, but he doesn't have many outlets for more than social chitchat.
I still don't think I'd say he fantasizes about talking to smart people.
re: 332
It's a fairly perennial topic with my Dad, his lack of real intellectual contact on a regular basis, so while 'fantasize' might be the wrong word it's definitely something he's hungry for.
My mom is a great example of someone who desperately needs intelligent, curious friends. She's constantly recommending movies and books to the women she knows, who either ignore her or try them out, only to berate her for enjoying anything morally or aesthetically complex. My dad will occasionally watch an interesting movie with her, but absolutely refuses to talk about it afterward. So after decades of this, she's become ashamed of her non-churchy interests, and freaked out whenever I introduce her to someone with a postgraduate education.
Whenever I think about how intensely she defended my right to get as much education as I could, even back when we had a relentlessly hostile relationship, I'm amazed and grateful. We were evangelical conservatives, but nothing was ever censored in our house, especially books and music.
I've suggested that she take a course at the local (excellent) community college, but she is too embarrassed. I keep telling her that, as a teacher, I adore students like her. But maybe she'll wait until she's really old before she decides she actually needs intelligent conversation.
(That's not, of course, to say that intelligent conversation can't happen outside of college-educated people, but she is, for some reason, surrounded completely by people who take a "moral" stand against education, critical thinking, etc. No joke--the new pastor of their church prays public prayers that the young people of the church will be able to withstand the Satanism of their college professors, or else choose not to go to college.)
He has a few bright, intellectually engaged friends: there's a gay couple in the village that he occasionally socialises with who are, iirc, both degree educated, and he has a couple of younger friends [my age] that he's friendly with who have an interest in film and music. But I don't think any of those people really read the same sorts of things he likes -- anthropology, philosophy, popular science, etc -- so while he can have the occasional non-stultifying conversation, he can't really engage with the things he really likes anything like as often as he would prefer.
336: How calm is his voice though?
Pretty damn calm except when uttering the dread words, "M/tch M/lls".
With Scottish speakers, you can actually hear the difference in pronunciation between "M/tch M/lls" and "M\tch M\lls".
99% of the things he's interested in are way over the head of 99% of the people he interacts with on a regular basis
My brother-in-law is like this.
I'm disappointed with every one of you for commenting further after 235.
My mother is a little like ttaM's dad, although her social isolation is more imposed by shyness and self-doubt than by geography. The part that kills me is that her hunger for intellectual stimulation without some of the mental tools conferred by education have lead her to pursue lots of intellectual-ish subjects passionately: numerology, astrology, "metaphysics," which really means new age spiritual/pseudo-science claptrap, and the like. And she has a real chip on her shoulder about it should you ever suggest these pursuits are questionable in any way.
re: 342
Yeah, my Dad isn't interested in pseudo-science, mysticism or religion, but he does often have quite idiosyncratic or eccentric [although sometimes very interesting] takes on topics because his reading is often very partial, and isn't subject to the kind of feedback and reinforcement you get if you are regularly interacting with other people who are interested in the same topic. He does enjoy arguing with me about them, though, so he doesn't really have a chip about it.
My best friend in HS was - kind of - like this. We met sophomore year, and he was one of the "smart kids," but he was also in the process of throwing that all away in a self-destructive response to his ex-Navy dad walking out on him and his mom (of course, he ended up going into the Navy himself).
But anyway, he and I hit it off, for a variety of anti-social reasons*, but mostly because we were both intellectually curious in a way that most of our peers weren't. As we were high schoolers, a lot of it was in now-embarrassing topics, but the point was that it was frankly driven by wanting to know stuff, and also fairly quick wit. But he developed this inferiority thing because he was sure he wasn't as smart as I was (he probably wasn't, but I never noticed - he kept up in conversation). This didn't matter much in HS, but I think helped estrange us when he got out of the navy (it didn't help that I'd gone from conservative to liberal while in college, but that was kind of incidental). I suspect the navy encouraged him to be less intellectual than he was otherwise inclined to be.
* in our senior class picture, with ~350 kids, we're the only pair looking at each other, not the camera - too busy talking about whatever
I've never used OKCupid, although reading this thread makes me want to start. My online dating record: one person met through match.com, which led to a couple dates but the relationship fizzled out before getting serious or even physical. One person met through craigslist, same result. In both cases, IIRC, she made first contact, replying to my profile or ad rather than the other way around. There have also been a few (definitely one, and I think there have been more than that) correspondences that went back and forth a couple times but ended before we got as far as meeting in person.
Hmmm. Maybe I just need to try more.
330: Puritanical? Piratical? Either of which could be a very interesting theme for a dating Web site profile. The former, though, would not be interesting in the sense of "appealing for a potential date."
344: Interesting, I have a nearly identical story, although my friend went into the army instead of the navy, and it was most definitely the racism and homophobia reinforced by his army experience that estranged us. He recently contacted me on Facebook after many years, only he called it "Fagbook," and I haven't quite felt up to a reunion.
345: Puritan dating profiles?
"My righteous life has made me strong in the sight of God and free from the French malady... ladies."
I met my current GF through a Craigslist ad asking for someone who was outwardly respectable/responsible but lazy, hedonistic, a freak in bed, and liked to take a lot of drugs. It's working out pretty well.
"My righteous life has made me strong in the sight of God and free from the French malady... ladies Goodeez."
348: I'm not sure "outwardly respectable" is how I would describe you, apostropher. The rest is accurate though.
352: Thanks, I always liked it. What we said at the time was, "Oh, so these are our peers." I was honestly surprised at how many I didn't recognize. It wasn't a huge number, but then 350 kids isn't that many to keep track of. You'd think they'd all look at least passingly familiar.
Goody gets all the attention, but what about poor Chastity?
350: He cleans up surprisingly well, and I've yet to see him at a loss for words.
357: Is he still growing his hair out?
A freak in bed? He just lay there asleep!
359: Well what do you expect when you slip a fella rohypnol, asilon?
(Apo and I shared a hotel room. C didn't realise until about 6 months later that we didn't actually share a bed. Seriously, I don't know what sort of lady he thinks I am.)
361: C probably read the f*&king archives.
The internet has done a lot for people with unusual interests who live in remote areas.
I think back to when I was a young person living in West Virginia and how isolating it was. The internet has changed that. I am still physically isolated, because the big interests for most people around here seem to be reality television and NASCAR, but at least I have friends on the internet, some of whom I call and talk to every day.
One of the all-time worst reasons for getting a History MA: I wanted to be intellectually engaged and knew that the framework of a graduate program would provide me with a model for future personal research on the things in which I am interested. But it was my money and time to waste, so I don't mind. It does freak people out at work rather badly, though. I'm now getting my MBA, and for some reason they are far, far more supportive of that. They can understand someone wanting to make more money; someone wanting to learn things that have no immediate monetary value is not something they can grasp.
The very fact that they cannot wrap their minds around the concept that someone would get an education for any reason other than to make money is something of an indictment of the way we view that dang book learnin'.
[Time zone shifting]
331: sorry about the insomnia, max. it's really hot and muggy here in mid-afternoon singapore, if that makes you feel any better. [though I can't imagine why it would]
Ah, no biggie. The sad part is that I hate continually-overcast-due-to-coalstacks-belching-shit-into-the-sky-two-states-away-weather (even if it is momentarily warm) and I actually like hot and muggy, as long the sun has an opportunity to give me cancer. Oh, well.
345: 330: Puritanical? Piratical?
Piratanical! It's like piracy, but involves a lot more raving insanity!
max
['Sorta post-modern, if you will.']
You realise that every time I schlep up and down a stair that has a Standpipe Bridgeplate I always have to shout 'Standpipe Bridgeplate!' which is awkward when there are other people in the stair.
But it is a stern duty! I must persevere!
Well, dammit. If I'd realized C was okay with that, I surely would have suggested it. It was a cold December.
(I still have not cut my hair, M/tch.)
Seriously, I don't know what sort of lady he thinks I am.
No sort, apparently.
One of the all-time worst reasons for getting a History MA: I wanted to be intellectually engaged and knew that the framework of a graduate program would provide me with a model for future personal research on the things in which I am interested. But it was my money and time to waste, so I don't mind.
That's not one of the worst reasons for getting a history MA, it's one of the best!
369: If the total list of reasons is short enough, you could both be right!
So I think I totally just biffed a flirt. Cute dorky prof at my new job came in today and we made conversation about how my diss interacts with his field, and I asked him a ton of questions; he was helpful. Then, suddenly, he says, "It reminds me of something I read in this Nige/rian book I bought last night. I was up reading it until really late; I think I really like Nige/rian lit!"
I'm all ZOMG! I LOVE NIGE/RIAN LIT! I studied it in college! It turns out the book he bought was by an author too new for my college reading; I haven't yet gotten a chance to read it, though I want to.
On my walk home, I remembered that yesterday, he attended a workshop I hosted in which I happened to tell an anecdote about something my Nige/rian Lit prof did in class that had a profound effect on me and the way I read, and how I developed this intense connection to Nige/rian lit as a response, and all that.
I.e., he was trying to say, I listened to what you said and paid attention to your interests enough to go purchase and read a several-hundred-page work of fiction! And effectively, I was all, Oh, that doesn't work on me because I don't listen to myself when I talk!
Sigh. I'm not sure I should date anyone at a job I've been doing for only a few weeks, because that's creepy, but it would be nice to be less of a lout.
You could invite him up to your apartment to look at your N/ger/an L/t.
Noooo. That, in my opinion, is not a biff. Biffing would be, "Hey! I mentioned that in my talk! Is that why you went and got the book?" You played right into his hands! Cyrano via your own amnesia in re what you say in talks.
enough to go purchase and read a several-hundred-page work of fiction
That's awfully cute of him, by the way.
I.e., he was trying to say, I listened to what you said and paid attention to your interests enough to go purchase and read a several-hundred-page work of fiction! And effectively, I was all, Oh, that doesn't work on me because I don't listen to myself when I talk!
Hee. Artlessness has its charms, too.
If he really did buy and read the book on account of you, he presumably likes you enough that your response wouldn't have screwed anything up.
That, in my opinion, is not a biff. Biffing would be, "Hey! I mentioned that in my talk! Is that why you went and got the book?" You played right into his hands! Cyrano via your own amnesia in re what you say in talks.
And this.
I will take this under advisement, this stupid-cute thing I do. Usually the stupid-cute thing I do is not actually cute. But yes, buying the book (it was still in the bookstore bag! hardcover!) and reading it is pretty adorable. Still, I am a bit wary about what might come of it, given that I've already been (jokingly?) warned that I will be fired for saying some of the things I'm saying in my workshops.
Yeah, I think you did ok too. What else could you have said? If you'd asked him if that was because you'd talked about NL, he might have been embarrassed. At least you realised quickly enough to do something about it (if you want to).
I once got invited to the cinema by someone I wasn't particularly friends with, and then he drove me home (several miles from central London, and he lived equally far out in the opposite direction) - took me about 6 years before I realised he'd probably been trying to make it a date. (Not that I liked him like that anyway, which was why it hadn't occurred to me.)
When I was ... erm ... 22, it must have been, I bought a watch with a dinosaur on because the boy on whom I had a HUGE crush was into dinosaurs. (My boyfriend thought it was an odd choice.) That worked, IYKWIMAITYD.
Just don't go buying a watch with a big apostrophe on it, asilon.
I've already been (jokingly?) warned that I will be fired for saying some of the things I'm saying in my workshops.
They really hate N/gerian L/t at your new job, huh?
You have no idea how tough it is to say the correct things in workshops.
Wait, buying and reading a book etc. like that just sounds ubercreepy. i mean if you were sort-of friends for a while and had talked about it before, or if you had gone on a few dates, ok, but status quo: mostly ick. i think because it would make more sense to talk about the book, the read it. maybe my perception of reading n/n l/t as 'work' not 'fun' is doing something here
note: in hs i read a book b/c crush-target mentioned it. then i mentinoed it and she said she hadsn't actually read it, just heard it and mentioned and wanted to name drop something to sound smart. since it was 'the fountainhead' that was probably for the best.
You know, I read a whole bunch of books in 7th grade because Sting said he loved them and I loved Sting. The Deptford Trilogy (which I still remember he called "rather erudite and quite nice"), Howard's End, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, and more!
385: No, well, actually he made me read them. Young teacher . . . the subject . . .
At least he didn't make you not have to put on the red light.
How the hell do you put on a red light, anyhow? Is it like a halloween costume? "Look at me, I'm a broken stoplight!"
At least he didn't make you not have to put on the red light.
Because I would have been seriously pissed. Those days were NOT over, dammit.
Poor Sting all having to share you with another boy.
I bet because it was like a two-part theme costume. "Oh, look, you're a broken red light and he's running you!"
389: That would be complicated. How would the non-stoplight dress?
390: well, right. You don't want to lose somebody who can pull off a costume like that.
Maybe um running shoes and a mask with your face on it?
That would be something. Unnerving really.
383: Actually, I think it works precisely because we're not dating. If a colleague recommends some category of something they find entertaining, and you were looking for something entertaining at that moment, and you go seek it out, it's ambiguous enough. I haven't even read the author he picked up, who is really hot right now and would be exactly the author someone who went into a bookstore and asked for N/n L/t would end up with.
But maybe it's also just that kind of work environment; everyone's really passionate and interested in things. One of my coworkers handed me a DVD documentary to watch this weekend, just because he thought I'd like it. Another is exchanging favorite blogs and podcasts with me via email. Another called me on my day off to ask for my opinion about something he was thinking about. In this environment, I wouldn't say it seemed creepy.
They're trying to take you away from us, AWB. Don't let them! Only give them the bare-minimum social interaction and opinionating that's in keeping with your professional obligations!
Reading this thread from the bottom up, I was puzzled at what exactly "nun lit" might be and why we were googleproofing it.
Then I remembered that AWB introduced me to "The Monk".
394: I'm curious - what author is it? I'm always looking for good books (and I'm too lazy to go to a bookstore and find out who the key author is).
397: Parenthetical and AWB, sittin' in a tree . . . .
400: I'm pretty sure the author isn't Kobe, anyway.
397: The most recent collection of stories by.
396: Am I wrong that it is utterly bitching?
Also to 396, you know this needs to be done as a (good--there are some silly ones) movie, right? If you need a consultant, I'm so there.
And thanks, AWB. Interesting... I'm having feature completion issues, but maybe once I get the current two under control.
I also have big plans for a modest screen version of Wieland, because that could be fucking crazy-scary, but The Monk would need to be big giant wicked-expensive WTFfest.
I would go see all these movies. who do you have in mind for the corrupted monk?
alameida volunteers to staff the casting couch for zachary.
Brave, brave alameida.