He never offered to marry us.
An acquaintance who works in a hospital was invited to a party at a department head's house. He had a full length portrait of himself dressed as a Spanish conquistador hanging in the living room.
I think it's important to know which Centaur.
7: Perhaps he was punctuation-minded and viewed himself as a sort of semi-Colón.
I would really like to see any of these portraits. Rich people in over-the-top flattering settings has been a stable of Western art for centuries, but you don't see it much in galleries anymore. I think it should make a comeback.
people in over-the-top flattering settings
Over-the-top gets that one almost exactly backwards, doesn't it?
7, 12: A friend of mine knows a number of people in the contemporary art scene, and she told me about the wedding gift of a gigantic husband and wife portrait in classic above-the-mantle-in-the-country-home style given to one of her acquaintances.
They're an ultra-WASPy couple, and the portrait was done with the woman seated, in a tasteful dress and pearls, and the husband standing in a suit behind her with his hand on her shoulder... But they're both wearing luchador masks. The parents were aghast, but I think it's one of the best wedding presents I've heard of yet.
I've stated before my desire to be a renaissance-style art patron. This sort of thing reinforces that desire.
"No, no, I want to be a centaur AND a Mexican wrestler. You're the artist, figure out how to do it."
Oddly captivating art-- narcissism or satire?
Some of it is a bit like Eric Fischl or Hockney.
I think Ke/hi/n/de W/i/le/y should get a mention here.
I should probably note that the paintings in 19 are probably NSFW for some values of W.
Soon as I get my hands on some folding money, I'd like to have one of those rich-person vanity portraits done of myself. I'm thinking the setting would be a dark wood-paneled room, with a chandelier, a big one, and lots of leather-bound books, and maybe a painting-within-a-painting of an English fox hunt, and a big globe. And I'd be in a three-piece suit, with a big watch chain across my belly, and I'd have my hand on the globe. That would kick ass. It would have to be at least 3/4 life-sized too.
15.1: I first read that as the couple in the portrait being the gift givers. Now that'd be some narcissism.
12 Rich people in over-the-top flattering settings has been a stable of Western art for centuries,
Awesome.
Rich people in over-the-top flattering settings....
"I see myself as aWanderer über dem Nebelmeer type. You'll be including the Aston Martin, of course. Oh, yes, and the wife."
Simon Schama's book about the dutch golden age touches on a lot of this. The biographies of most famous c17 dutch painters are pretty interesting-- making and losing a fortune are common themes in life and in the paintings, with Rembrandt and Franz Hals the most famous examples.
My to-read is too long, but I want this book and the time to read it.
I think Ke/hi/n/de W/i/le/y should get a mention here.
And as long as we're on the topic...
22: That's Natilo at top right.
Funnily enough, I dressed similarly to that for Halloween this year, and even more similarly in 1999. Isn't there a picture, reproduced in both the Dada Almanac and Lipstick Traces of Grosz himself wearing a skull mask? Or am I thinking of a different artist?
I would like to thank this thread for giving me my daily dose of tits, skull crushing weirdness, and Labs' colon.
skull crushing weirdness, and Labs' colon
But I repeat myself.
I want to know if the centaur "portraits" are the equivalent of full-frontal or if they're more discreet. One makes a statement when one chooses to be portrayed as having the lower body of a horse, but I want to know how overtly it's being made.
One makes a statement when one chooses to be portrayed as having the lower body of a horse
That one has broad withers and powerful fetlocks?
I picture the A. Centaurod seated on a velvel thrown, discreetly crossing his legs, hoof-hands folded demurely on knee.
Hand-thrown velvels are the best.
Wow, that was some half-assed commenting of me. Velvet throne, of course.
Wow, that was some half-assed commenting of me.
Close, but centaurs are usually half-horsed.
That one has broad withers and powerful fetlocks?
That one would like to know if you're going to eat that corncob or if perhaps it is up for grabs?
In another portrait, his profile graces a denarius.
Are you people playing with your velvels again?
18: Some of it is a bit like Eric Fischl or Hockney.
The early ones are blurrier and feature single subjects and distinct locations and compositions. Not neccessarily bad, and after awhile, it all turns photorealistic naked people.
A bit like spreading out a deck of Playboy playing cards on the table.
max
['A lot like bad. But funny, in a creepy way.']
The paintings in 29 are among the weirdest things I've ever seen.
29: I like the one with Stalin and Hugh Laurie.
We shouldn't forget to mention the Michael Jackson vanity portraits, which also qualify as deeply, deeply weird.
Oh my God, I would not have followed the link in 29 without teo's 45. That painting in particular is amazing. I love that Stalin's holding a bottle of pills, which Dr. House so clearly wants.
JM:
You are missing out. You are far more talented than the naked Obama/unicorn artist. If you can find some black velvet to pain on, you could steal that artist's market share.
And why is Michelle holding a carrot? Do unicorns even eat carrots?
Will, that artist wouldn't even have a market share if he weren't so obviously deranged. You can't fake that level of insanity.
46: Every year we hit the part of the state fair with all the handcrafted old-timey tatting and pottery and dulcimers and such. There are always a lot of really neat crafts for sale. This year there was also a painter there with a wide selection of pastoral scenes and one incredibly creepy Michael Jackson painting: Child Star MJ gazing out over the viewer's right shoulder, Adult MJ staring over the viewer's left shoulder (arguably holding Child Star MJ in his lap) and a Grammy statue in the lower left corner. Every image was off center, afloat on a dark background, and both young and old MJ looked woefully unhappy. I was stunned. I kind of wanted to buy it just to get it down off the wall.
I would not have followed the link in 29
Oh, ye of little faith.
51: I saw that! In the round crafts building, right?
Yes, over by the building of fudge and the garden designs. Christ what a fucking creepy painting. I wanted to ask how much it was but I could not have it in view and keep a straight face. I tried to take a picture with my phone but can't even remember how it turned out. I'll look tonight and link it if it's any good.
True story: Long ago I had a part-time job as a baggage handler, and would occasionally draw peoples' portraits on the long breaks we had. One guy actually commissioned a big drawing of himself as a centaur, even bought the materials (which were just illustration board and high quality pencils). He also wanted to be playing a pan flute, and luring nubile maidens in a pastoral setting. Yes, I did draw it, though there was a lot of haggling about price. I guess for all I know he still has it.
49: I believe the carrot is a reference to the organic vegetable garden at the White House.
Will, that artist wouldn't even have a market share if he weren't so obviously deranged. You can't fake that level of insanity.
Maybe you could team up with Apo?
You'll feel bad when you find out that the painting were given to A-Rod by a boy with leukemia, whose dying wish was that the painting be hung in his hero's bedroom.
Is that a nude Rush Limbaugh flying above the Washington Monument?
Is that a nude Rush Limbaugh flying above the Washington Monument?
I think so, yes.
whose dying wish was that the painting be hung
Oh to find fruit that hangs as low as a horse's schlong.
60: Good, thanks!
Are we also in agreement that the unicorn talks in the bottom painting?
61: I guessed you'd be the one to grab it.
Are we also in agreement that the unicorn talks in the bottom painting?
Yes.
Oh, it is Limbaugh! I thought it was Bill Clinton!
65: You realized there is no way Bill Clinton's butt is that huge? Right?
The thing that's so off-putting about those paintings is that they are so close to self-satire. The unicorn is obviously a magical unity pony---anyone on the internet who followed politics at all in 2008 had to be familiar with that imagery---but the whole damn project is just too earnest to be a joke. It's just...unheimlich.
Bill Clinton had some fat phases...and I was giving the artist some room for artistic distortion...
I looked at the top painting again, and is that Obama and the unicorn sharing a tender moment after...doing whatever it is that unicorns and Presidents do in bed?
68: Well, sure, we shouldn't demand strict realism in Obama-unicorn paintings.
Weird! I clicked around a bit on the Obama-unicorn artist's site, and he's apparently a regular poster at Something Awful, with dedicated fora and whatnot.
Our culture is slipping away from my comprehension, man.
a nude Rush Limbaugh
... IT WAS SIMPLY THE MONSTROUS BEING HE WAS PAINTING ON THAT AWFUL CANVAS! BY GOD, ELIOT, IT WAS A PHOTOGRAPH FROM LIFE!
71: When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....
75: I've been watching the first one for a couple minutes now, and it's not getting any less funny.
Clearly it's time for me to leave work and go home so that I click on these links without worrying that someone will come in and look at my computer screen.
I looked at the top painting again, and is that Obama and the unicorn sharing a tender moment after...doing whatever it is that unicorns and Presidents do in bed?
Certainly not! It is an innocent sunbathing scene. The unicorn is applying suntan lotion to Obama's back. Because he is a true friend (not in a pervy way!) who knows how dangerous a bad sunburn can be.
Because he is a true friend (not in a pervy way!) who knows how dangerous a bad sunburn can be.
Particularly because they're both naked. In a totally friendly, non-pervy way.
83: Not so! Look at the fifth picture.
A gallery with more unicorn pictures plus some of his pancake paintings.
Faithmouse [name of the website - JP] is the name of a Christian cartoon I began drawing about a decade ago. A few years ago I had something of a mental and spiritual breakdown, decided to make the cartoon Catholic, and then I decided to paint instead. I still draw the cartoon a little. My paintings sometimes horrify my family.
I don't really want to talk about what I went through to google this (highly, highly NSFW), but topical.
I spent a moment wondering "why is he telling Ugly Betty 'you are not Ugly Betty'?" before seeing the unicorn's speech that made the meaning clear.
is that Obama and the unicorn sharing a tender moment after...doing whatever it is that unicorns and Presidents do in bed?
Shattering the "only virgins can see unicorns" myth once and for all.
I'm sorry, is that Sarah Palin's pubic hair in an updo?
"why is he telling Ugly Betty 'you are not Ugly Betty'?"
There's a lesson about the importance of commas for all you kids out there.
92: I am not currently at a location where I can study that one in enough detail to make a final determination.
89: Lurid Digs is just about my favoritest website on the internet. So very not safe for work, but just might be worth getting for it. A friend of mine knows two people whose pictures are on there.
96: yeah, it's pretty universally amazing.
OT: Recent flu sufferers, any good remedies for soothing the cough? My baby is sick.
More Obama-related decorative madness. I saw this ad on TV this weekend. It is not a spoof.
Not H1N1 specific, or anything, but: codeine.
Yep. Codeine and hydrocodone were the only things that even made a dent in my cough.
97 - Aw, poor Rory. Honey seems to work as well as anything else round here, usually mixed into a variety of warm drinks. And I had some brilliantly anaesthetic cough sweets earlier this year that were suitable for children as well, but I don't have any left and I can't remember what was in them.
OT - boohoo, my screen has started jumping/flickering every now and again. *My* baby seems sick.
100: Mmmmm. Codeine. But, yeah, seriously, that works best if it is really beating her up.
102a: thanks -- I'll try more tea with honey; I'm not sure about giving her codeine, though I know I have a bottle upstairs.
102b: Honey is probably *not* a good idea for that one.
I just looked at the Lurid Digs site that Sifu linked and came to the realization that this world really is Hell.
And Sifu is its Satan, obvs.
My baby is sick.
Mine too. I got a call to pick her up at daycare. Poor thing puked all day and has been asleep since 3:30.
Fitfully asleep, I should say. She wakes up about every half hour or so and screams a little, and conks out mid-scream. She seems really unhappy. I gave her some pedialyte and she has kept that down.
I am about, right now, to leave on a date with some inappropriately young and good-looking man. Awesome!
Sorry HP! It especially sucks when they can't yet tell you what does and doesn't hut. Speedy recovery. (Honey tea and dextromethorphan seem to be helping -- fingers crossed!)
So, I made the cal II test too long. Enough students complained sufficiently plaintively that I decided to give them more time. I e-mailed them and told them that the next day, they would get to work on the test in class again. You would think that you would go look up the problems that you didn't know how to do, wouldn't you?
Here's a gem from our favorite student:
sin pi/2 + sin pi/2 = 0.
This is not an isolated typo, really, believe me.
And if she were actually saying that she believed each sin pi/2 were equal to zero, she would have drawn a line through it and written 0 nearby, the way she and all of them do.
Actually, what she is trying to do is bluff something plausible without thinking about it too deeply. She isn't really claiming that she believes that two copies of something nonzero can add up to zero.
109: Nothing wrong with inappropriately young (so long as it's not applicable laws are being violated young...) and nothing inappropriate about good-looking. Enjoy!
109: Lurid details to be posted in a comment thread tomorrow?
Just spent more time at Lurid Digs than I expected. I have been naive.
They come for the amateur gay decor and stay for the ...
The writing on that site is just fantastic, though Richard is consistently the funniest of the bunch.
I've been surfing Lurid Math Students for 40 minutes now.
As upsetting as Chia Obama is in some ways, what's really bothering me is the rightwing blogger in my head inveighing against it.
Why do they have to ruin everything?
120: indeed.
Okay, it looks like we're faced with two possibilities. Option A: our new friend has attempted to transform one of Los Angeles' ubiquitous, white stuccoed closets/bedrooms (popcorn ceiling mandatory) into a stunning Austrian bordello using naught but a pair of mismatched, full-length mirrors, two sets of undersized, rick-racked drapery, and three reading lamps. To round out the look: a charming landscape painting lifted from a Motel 6 outside Terre Haute and a plastic container of lavender potpourri, fresh from the dollar bin at Bloodbath and Beyond. Because everyone loves the smell of grandma, especially when they're elbow deep in ass.
Continued:
Option B: we've stumbled upon the set of Chi Chi LaRue's newest big-budget butt-romp, Lyin' With That Bitch in the Wardrobe. This is the climactic scene between Mr. Tightass and Peter Penisie, featuring the first-ever cross-dimensional double-dildo power-bottom showdown to be captured on film. Full release this fall.
That's quality.
111: She might think sin pi/2 + sin pi/2 = sin pi.
||
Goddamnit, now I'm seeing the start of a CSI:Miami.
I'm a little disappointed that whatsisface didn't offer the pre-Daltry bon mot.
|>
116: yes. Holy shit. It's a stranger world than I thought, and I thought I knew it all.
My brain isn't working right after looking at that site for 15 minutes. So many weird-ass class issues conflicting with the desire to laugh at the writing. Seriously, why do trailer park homos need to be any different than they are, if all they're trying to do is locate other trailer park homos to freak with? I say this with a great affection for trailer park folks, who I partied with a fair amount in high school (thankfully prior to the meth epidemic). The smell of generic corn chip dust ground into the floor and Jimmy Dean sausage grease left in the pan on the stove for a week just wafts off so many of these pictures.
131: The internet is a magical river, and around every bend is a newer and stranger fish.
Ah, but their freak includes a lovingly developed fantasy life that shows up in the interior decorating. Part of a trailer park homo childhood, no doubt.
131: The internet is a magical river, and around every bend is a newer and stranger fish.
For instance, I just read that Nouriel Roubini's apartment is "vulva-studded".
Yeah, well, when you successfully predict the biggest economic collapse in decades you get all the vulvas you want. (Apparently.) Where'd you read that, anyway?
Here, though you have to follow a link to get the explanation that the vulvas in question are plaster and decorate his walls. Which seems... unusual.
From the link's link:
I am quite a cheerful person with a few close friends and eclectic group of friends who, like most New Yorkers, are members of the creative class
Also, I see that the author "Nick Denton" does not provide contact info while the author "John Cook" has a first-name address at the bottom of the post. Ah, to be at the top of a hierarchy.
139: I see Richard Florida's gotten to him too. Still, those look like some fun parties.
By "fun" do you mean "insufferable"? Actually, I don't know if a party can be insufferable. Or if someone can use the word "insufferable" without being themselves insufferable.
I'm back. He was very nice and very into me, but I'm not sure about everything.
I should say: He's very into me! And very nice! And very attractive and all of that! But I'm skeptical about things, in part because of age. He's not only a lot younger than me, but even far less experienced than I was at that age, for similar religious reasons.
You rock, AWB! I'm glad you had a good time. Hotness and niceness are good things. Do you think you'll go on a second date?
I dunno. There was a really weird bit at the end, and a few mildly crazy text messages after I went home without inviting him up. I'm trying to decide if they're setting off my abuse-victim paranoia or if he's actually a little too volatile for me.
He's not only a lot younger than me, but even far less experienced than I was at that age, for similar religious reasons.
I tried to stay young for religious reasons.
Or food allergies that make it hard to pick a nice place to eat.
Yeah, it was weird. We got along great for hours, until we started making out while he was walking me home, and he kept interrupting it with these sort of paranoid accusations--not just like sad-sack "I wonder if you don't really like me" but somehow already tense or angry, like he suspects I think he wouldn't be good in bed or something. I'm all wha? Then he gets all weird in text messages when I say I'm busy but let's get together in a few days. Why not tomorrow? You are trying to blow me off. I thought you had tomorrow night free, etc.
I am hoping he sobers up and figures out that was pretty douchey, and possibly a little scary.
Sheesh, yes, that is bullshit and a bad omen, unless he has sense enough to be totally embarrassed and contrite.
150: Every aspect of life gets so very much easier when you give up your standards.
Don't you actually suspect he wouldn't be good in bed, though? What with being "not only a lot younger than me, but even far less experienced than I was at that age, for similar religious reasons."
155: No, what I worry about is that he's not experienced enough in interpersonal/physical ways to be responsive to, for example, my need for space, breath, etc. Like maybe I need to go to bed so I can go to work, not because I hate him. I am the sort of person who says what I mean, and it freaks me out when I then get texts saying "I can take a hint. You don't like me." It came as a total surprise--we'd just spent hours really enjoying each other's company and smooching, and I explicitly said I really liked him, found him attractive, etc.
Yes. Do not cavort with people who do not take you at your meaning, and do not waste your time second-guessing if they are not saying what they mean.
If he is not willing to agree to those terms (although it's okay to lay that out explicitly), ditch his ridiculous ass.
Not that you were asking for advice.
Every aspect of life gets so very much easier when you give up your standards.
I'm eating stale crackers with moldy cheese right now. Easy!
I'm grading cal II students who find fractions baffling. No sweat!
I'm doing a revise and re-submit for some reviewer with overly-stringent standards.
Holy shit, that party at Roubini's looks like the most horrible place on earth. Who are those people? Why do they act that way? My god.
161: Just tell him to take it easy, man.
You could also suggest that he's being a total downer.
163: If it is a he and if he weren't anonymous, I could send his contact info to AWB. He's very direct, communication-wise.
So would it make sense to tell the guy that you liked him a lot until you got his text/insecure rantings? Is it kind or harsh to tell someone explicitly what the problem is?
I've never been a big fan of communicating explicity on the first date. But, then I haven't had a first date since the last time they tried to reform health care.
I haven't had a first date since the last time they tried to reform health care.
And now they're trying it again, so: game on!
I've never been a big fan of communicating explicity on the first date.
"For our first date, go to my favorite restaurant, and I'll be the one wearing the outfit I bought with my friend Jenny. Don't order that thing I hate."
169: I meant communicate explicity about feelings and other squishy stuff.
How much in the way of feelings can you have on a first date "you seem really nice and fun, and I find you attractive"? Isn't it about do I think this is someone I'd enjoy hanging out with a lot, and do I want to sleep with this person?
Now we know why Moby's wife voted for McCain.
I meant communicate explicity about feelings and other squishy stuff.
Are you saying it's weird that he sent AWB overly feelings-explicit texts or that it would be weird for AWB to explicitly address his weird texts? I agree with the former.
This guy has fallen into the trap of being conditioned by a few early instances of rejection into thinking that anyone that he finds attractive would not find him attractive. A self-fulfilling prophecy after a while. Very hard pattern to break.
I would like to be able to chalk the texts up to drunken first-date nervous humor, but it makes me nervous that the paranoia seemed to start the instant we started making out. Yes, very weird: before then we were just talking and talking, laughing, having a great time. And then things got all "I bet you think I'm not good enough" in various ways, which, until that moment, would have been an absurd suggestion. It felt very much like a situation in which this guy possibly has such a lifelong anxiety about sex (his youth was a lot more sexually repressive than mine) that he suddenly gets weird and sabotagey when things are going sexually well.
That's partially what reminded me of my ex from college--he too was sweet, flirty, fun, talkative, etc. but so deeply physically repressed about sex (though he consciously was all for it, thought happy thoughts about it) that it manifests itself in unpleasant behavior.
So, really, I think the lesson here is that once the making out starts, the talking should stop.
173: Both. My thinking is that if people were supposed to share their feelings, they'd show-up on your forehead.
Dude, Bear, I'm getting neurotic-psycho vibes from ten miles and a day away. On a first date, isn't the general rule to play it kind of cool and put the best foot forward?
177: I mean, I basically agree. It's weird to be hashing stuff out when you're still sizing up the other person. But that's his weird stuff. I'm just saying that if AWB doesn't want to throw in the towel yet, she could say "Hey, cut this crap out." And then if he doesn't, ditch him.
On a first date, isn't the general rule to play it kind of cool and put the best foot forward?
Exactly.
I've wondered whether it's maybe possible to confront it head-on and say, hey, this was kind of weird for me, can we talk about it? But I'm also concerned that this is someone who is a little too mired in his own self-pathologizing to want to figure things out, be happy or calm, or earnestly enjoy pleasure or whatever. It's a phase I went through for a long time before I decided I get to enjoy my life.
and say, hey, this was kind of weird for me, can we talk about it?
Way too mushy. Try "This is bullshit, can you cut it out?"
It's not weird "for you", it's objectively weird and off-putting.
You deserve somebody who would like to be and is able to be happy. This chappie sounds like he has a gift instead for Wertherian drama.
It's a phase I went through for a long time before I decided I get to enjoy my life
I'm firmly in the "it was weird camp," but interpreting the weirdness through the "this was what used to go on in my head" lens also seems unreliable.
I'm with Jack in 178. And Heebie is of course right in 179. Sounds like, since the guy is fairly compelling, you could try a second date and stay aware of what's going on. Then, when it's sexy time, you'll probably need to have a frank talk about the weird vibe you're getting from him; you'll find out fast whether it's something he can just stop or not.
Bave sounds smart on this. I'd think the "frank talk" would want to be really short, sweet, and immediate, though -- he says something weird, you say "Dude, you're freaking me out. If you're kidding, I'm not following you. Anyway, [back to something positive about whatever you're doing at the moment]." Not inviting soul searching, which it's too early for, just a quick behavior-driven "quit being weird".
184: That's what I would have said if I were able to interpret my feelings better. People get weird for lots of different reasons.
184: I only mean in the sense of having grown up in a similar, but less intense, Protestant tradition that worships unhappiness and failure. There is a way that when you give up all that moralism stuff, it's not like you immediately go on to enjoy your life and throw yourself into joyful, uncomplicated sex. There can be years of feeling, viscerally, like you're doing something bad that will necessarily lead to your demise. And he's only been out of that for a little over 3 years.
This is more than just rejection phobic. Sure, it's not that weird to privately wonder is the person into you, especially if they decline sex, but on a first date wondering if they're into you goes with the territory. And freaking out over someone saying that they want to go out again in a couple days, that's taking things to an extreme.
188: oh, sure, I understand where you are coming from. The concept of a repressed and restrictive youth is hardly llost on me. I'm just saying individual people deal with that kind of thing in individual ways and making assumptions about how a person does or should go about dealing with such things often goes over quite badly.
Also, how can I tell what this dress looks like when the model is too busy being all broken-down-doll to stand up straight? I'm sure it's just some shitty photographer, but this is from the wear-to-work collection. Do you go into your boss's office standing like that?
The other thing about the guy is that he's a little too physically imposing for someone I'm not entirely sure I trust. There's a lot of ground between weird/neurotic and possibly-psycho, but I'm not sure I actively want to traverse it with a 6'2" dude with forearms as big as my neck.
Yes, she is way to slumpy.
I wouldn't be too worried about his size and strength, per se. A violent person is violent at any stature unless they're truly itty-bitty. I'd just assess him based on his character.
Do you go into your boss's office standing like that?
Well, yes, actually. This is bad?
There's a lot of ground between weird/neurotic and possibly-psycho, but I'm not sure I actively want to traverse it with a 6'2" dude with forearms as big as my neck
There are plenty of fish and you seem to be a decent angler. If you misjudged him and he would have been great, so be it. There's more great out there. If your instinct is right, well who needs that crap?
Well, yes, actually. This is bad?
Are you pooping in your pants at the time, too? That facial expression, it is unfortunate.
OK, so how do I do this? Via text, there was some back and forth about that he can take a hint, what the name of the book I thought he'd like was, when I was free, that he was not free those nights, what about tomorrow, am I afraid he's no good in bed? I did not answer the last because it was 2am and I was far too irritated. Do I just let it go, or do I write a nice email explaining that I'm going to look elsewhere, thanks, or do I spell out calmly what the problem is?
The model had to bend over to get the top of her head in the frame, duh.
If he is this much drama after the first date, think how much he'll bring when he's really involved.
Do you feel like being a Bodhisattva? You don't have to spell out the problem if you don't feel like teaching on your off hours. It would be more kind than is called for in casual interactions. Might be worth it if you think there is hope of salvaging something good with him, if you want it.
with a 6'2" dude with forearms as big as my neck
One of the side effects of going to a weightlifting gym is that I have started liking big men more. But they still start at a disadvantage in my eyes (which can be overcome by being sweet-natured).
I have started liking big men more.
Oversharing?
Some kinds of big muscly guys strike me as the kind that have gotten/given a lot of hugs.
Oversharing?
Your own perverted interpretation?
Your own perverted interpretation?
Obviously.
196: Are you saying that you've started considering guys that you aren't sure you could beat up?
198: And unintentionally killed many soft furry creatures?
Are you saying that you've started considering guys that you aren't sure you could beat up?
One of the after-effects of dating a murderous psychotic for over a year in college is that, honest-to-god, I consider the possibility that I may have to be physically strong enough to save my own life from whomever I'm dating. If he's pretty consistently gentle, I can date a big guy, but otherwise, I am wary.
Yes, a man my size could still kill me, but I don't like to be at a helpless disadvantage.
194: somewhat cynically, I suspect he's already sufficiently married to his own conclusions that whatever you say is going to seem like an excuse. (Why yes, yes I *am* the one who just waxed philosophic about not assuming you know what's going on in someone's head!). It does seem like it would be nice to let him know what the turnoff was so he has the opportunity to address that in his future dating life; the risk is that he might see it as an opening to try to atalk you out of rejecting him. Look on the bright side,if you'd slept with him you might have to decide whether or not to tell him he was right to worry about being bad in bed.
My dislike of big men was never rock-solid, but it there was a rebuttable presumption against them. Now, I think, the presumption has lessened. Also, I've recalibrated my ideas about who is big. There are a couple gorillas at the gym who've shifted my ideas about the range of sizes that people come in.
(Besides. I'm stronger now. I can beat up more of humanity!)
203: I consider the possibility that I may have to be physically strong enough to save my own life from whomever I'm dating.
That's both sensible and understandable. That said,
Yes, a man my size could still kill me, but I don't like to be at a helpless disadvantage.
This implies you should date really short guys. Women really are at a disadvantage against even mass. (Sorry.) A well-made, cute stiletto can compensate for this very nicely, especially if it's properly balanced for throwing. I believe those are legal in NYC.
Anyways, has anyone linked this?
So there's this iPhone app called Grindr. It's a GPS-enabled social-networking service for gay men. It tells you how many feet away a possible hookup is standing. Each profile comes with a picture, a tagline, the relevant stats, and a declaration of interest. You scroll through a column of heads and torsos arranged in descending order of proximity, tapping on the ones that seem promising and chatting with the ones who want the same things you do. As you make your way through the city, the menu of men reshuffles, and the erotic terrain updates in real time.
Has the search for erotic gratification ever been so efficient? Until recently, being a cad or coquette took a lot of work: You needed to buy a little black book, and you had to go around filling it, and then you had to schedule your calls for a time when the target of your seduction was likely to be at home. The less-self-assured daters in New York faced the sickening anxiety of the first phone call, or the cold approach in the bar. There were palliatives designed to help people cope--the newspaper personal ads, the paid dating services, the dirty videos and magazines--but they were generally understood to be the province of weirdos and losers. [etc.]max
I'm concerned that I'm probably less upper-body strong than I was at 19, but I'm also better at avoiding situations that may involve physically preventing my own murder.
Women really are at a disadvantage against even mass.
The threshold for me is related to that point at which the strength difference is so great that it's not really even apparent that I am seriously resisting. Like, if you're arm-wrestling with someone even quite a bit stronger than you, they can tell you're putting effort into it. But when you arm-wrestle someone really super-strong, they don't perceive it like you're actually trying. With my ex, even though he could have done me in, he could feel how intensely I was trying to, e.g., pull him arm from around my neck, and it sometimes shocked him into reality.
I have trouble thinking that the difference between someone who could strangle you effortlessly and someone who's going to have to work at it a little is going to keep you safer; wouldn't it make more sense to devote your safety concerns to staying away from people who are at all likely to strangle you?
191.1: I'm having a very annoying time trying to buy almost exactly this dress. I want a work dress in a heavy jersey, machine washable, knee length or so, with long sleeves. But it's really difficult to buy that sort of thing online, because the potential for it looking horrendous, depending on how it hits, is huge. I actually just sent back something that looked like it might be decent after trying it on and being thrown into fits of despair at what it did to me. (Buck was great - took one look at it and said "Oh, my god that's awful. You don't look like that in anything else, but that dress is hideous.")
Right, which is why the particularly bad picture and wicked-tall/thin model is not helping. How am I supposed to know where it hits the hips on someone whose form is so elongated? If I buy it, will it be tea-length?
There was that Lands End thing where you put in your measurements and it made a cartoon you that you could dress up in their clothes. It actually worked pretty well, but only while you were shopping at Lands End. It'd be excellent if that sort of thing became common, but it doesn't seem to be.
I guess most of these places bank on the fact that if you, miraculously, find a store that sells clothes shaped like you in sizes that fit you, you'll never shop anywhere else.
I'd do that, but they're unstable. I had a thing for Brooks Brothers women's clothes for a while, not because they're particularly stylish or attractive but because I seemed to be built like their fitting model. Not anymore -- a year or two ago everything changed.
Oddly, several of the models on the jcrew website have that awkward, broken-spine posture. It looks like the photograph frame is an actual box that they are too tall for, and so they have to hunch over to fit.
OT: God DAMMIT, the secretary for my department is irritating. I'm trying to schedule a proposal defense. In the conference room. Next Monday. She can't tell me if or when the room is available on Monday, because the graduate assistant hasn't taught her how to do the scheduling yet. She used to do it on paper, but then the faculty wanted it online, so they're using Google Calendar, but she (the secretary) doesn't know how to access it. The graduate assistant does know, presumably, but I can't ask her until Thursday. Can I send an email? No, the GA doesn't work until Thursday. But she could answer my question? No, that would be working. And no one else knows the schedule? No, but the secretary will email the registrar to reserve a room in the library for a backup plan. What time do I want the room? I DON'T KNOW. WHEN IS THE CONFERENCE ROOM FREE?
Carry on.
215: It's getting difficult to tell the difference between when I'm shopping and when I'm researching the effects of vitamin deficiencies. It's not quite as bad as when it was fashionable for men to swagger in almost precisely the same way as someone with cerebral palsy, and I would very nearly mock, "Oh, aren't you funky..."
Is the secretary the only person from whom you can get GA's email? As a rule, I respect people's days off, of course. But if you want your time off to be respected, you have to give people the information needed to function in your absence.
217: Seriously? Bad posture is now fashionable? My time has finally come!
I'm hunched over in all my wedding photos. I think of myself as someone who stands up straight, but apparently I am not.
There was a website at one point - mymodel? virtualyou? something like that - which would create a virtual you that would try on clothes at any store with whom they had an account.
Maybe this. It looks quite a bit different than when I played on it before.
AWB:
I am not sure why you are spending any time on this issue.
Why continue this topic after you ponder whether his physical strength puts you at risk????
i noticed Heebie's hunching over, but only when she was rubbing her hands together and cackling with evil glee.
Why continue this topic after you ponder whether his physical strength puts you at risk????
Because I think about it w/r/t everyone? It's a bad habit.
If it's just a habit, that's one thing -- I'd just worry about thinking that it helped much with safety.
218- no, and actually the GA shares an office with me. So I just ranted and raved directly to her about the whole thing and we commiserated over how annoying everyone else is. Also the room is free. So all is well.
(also, she totally did already "teach" the secretary how to use Google Calendar. And rolled her eyes at the idea that I should not ask her questions on her day off)
||
No more masturbating to Claude Lévi-Strauss.
|>
Huh. Claude Lévi-Strauss and I have the same birthday. He'd have been 101 if he'd made it to the end of the month.
231: And he didn't live to read this poem: http://www.lrb.co.uk/blog/2009/11/03/michael-wood/in-a-villanelle-mood/
Just as well, I guess.
Ned in 174 has some good insight.
This guy is replaying old insecurity-based patterns, which can often be broken through with a good discussion, but the level of intensity and wackiness he's showing may indicate some deeper personality issues.
Dating tip #2: keep the crazy under wraps until after the other person is sufficiently invested to be willing to make the effort to work through it.
236 also applies to job interviews.
236: don't fall in love with me yet
we only recently met
true i'm in love with you but
you might decide i'm a nut
give me a week or two to
go absolutely cuckoo
and when you see your error
then you can flee in terror
like everybody else does
i only tell you this 'cause
i'm easy to get rid of
but not if you fall in love
know now that i'm on the make
and if you make a mistake
my heart wil certainly break
i'll have to jump in a lake
and all my friends will blame you
there's no telling what they'll do
it's only fair to tell you
i'm absolutely cuckoo]
peep's poetry: Fifteen minutes or it's free.
239, 240: Sorry! I'm certainly not claiming authorship!
241: I've committed proxy-plagarism. Sorry.
No more masturbating to Claude Lévi-Strauss.
For some reason I had grown quite fond of Claude Lévi-Strauss, despite that my only connection to him was a photocopied excerpt I read for a class once upon a time. Sadness.
Now, what if Isomeone were in the middle of masturbating to Claude Levi-Strauss when... that person refreshed this thread. Would that person be allowed to finish, or would that person have to switch fantasies mid-stream, as it were.
Is it possible to masturbate to that insufferable Bernard character?
244: Quick! Call a meeting of the Ethics in Masturbation Committee!
For some reason I had grown quite fond of Claude Lévi-Strauss,
Me too. He helped me understand myself.
Thank you, peep, for getting "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" out of my head.
247: You're welcome! I'm glad to know that my commenting here might have done some small good.
You deserve somebody who would like to be and is able to be happy. This chappie sounds like he has a gift instead for Wertherian drama.
Who wouldn't want to date someone who looks on the leider side of life?
238:
I can't remember if I first saw this here, but it seems relevant.
||The Polish media are reporting that their Russian counterparts are suggesting some folk remedies for preventing the swine flu: garlic, onions, mushrooms, rubbing alcohol, and... sex 'regularly but without fanaticism.'
So everyone go out there, munch a head of garlic, strip down, rub yourself down with alcohol, and go fuck. For those who've already gotten it, this won't help, but it probably won't hurt. ||
OT: Some people juries just don't understand good clean fun:
An Oregon jury on Monday awarded more than $41,000 to a man who was shot and wounded by a fraternity member at Oregon State University who said he had wanted to shoot at a Dumpster behind the fraternity house, not at the victim. According to today's Corvallis Gazette-Times, the man, Dennis Sanderson, who was homeless at the time of the shooting, was looking for empty cans in the trash bin. He was seeking damages of $175,000 from the national organization of Alpha Gamma Rho. But the jury found only the gunman, Joshua Grimes, and the local chapter to be liable. After the shooting, the police found more than two dozen firearms in the fraternity house.
