Sugar in the vagina. Well that's sure to be problem-free.
Also, the hell?
Longest love-making session is the fifteen hours recorded by Mae West in her autobiography - a man called "Ted" apparently made love to her for this length of time.
Haven't they ever heard of Sting?
Perhaps they don't believe Sting. Also, try rubbing your hand on your desk for fifteen hours, then see what your skin looks like. Color me skeptical that any vagina could take 15 solid hours of friction.
This post title looks somewhat amusing in the recent comments sidebar.
Also, try rubbing your hand on your desk for fifteen hours, then see what your skin looks like.
This sounds as if it were written from experience. If so, consider me deeply curious.
Were you deeply in love with your desk, apo?
And Apo, I wonder if your hand would have become so abraded if you'd used adequate lubrication? In 15 hours you'd probably go through a whole bottle, but with enough lube I would think you'd avoid serious damage.
No, I'm just sitting at one, so it was the first object that came to mind.
it was the first object that came to mind.
Who are you, and what have you done with apostropher?
7: That sure is one shiny desk you have there.
10: Yeah, but my coffee cup keeps sliding off of it.
11: Over and over and over and over and over...
The pockets in the back of the book are for supplemental case law not.... Eeeew.
Foreplay? What?
To quote Beavis:
"And then I take off my pants. Reeeeeeeaaaaaal slooooooooooooowwwwwww."
I dedicate this thread to Jim Reeves.
I recall a vagina I encountered in my college days that was quite attractive to look at, but tasted like an ashtray.
Now I am remembering the all-day brother/sister fuckfest from The Hotel New Hampshire. John Irving is responsible for my knowing a lot of naughty things in the 7th grade. And how to say "I am not drunk; I am a diabetic" in German.
Color me skeptical that any vagina could take 15 solid hours of friction.
But surely it's not the time only, but the distance traveled in that time. If you rubbed your hand on your desk verrrrrrrrry slooooooowly for fifteen hours, it might not be so bad.
"Linger's involved" in...what?
"Daddy, the poi tastes funny."
And that's why she now travels to art schools reminding people that nudity and pottery don't mix.
Perhaps they don't believe Sting.
I firmly believe Sting. I read an interview where he was asked if this Tantric shit really allowed him to make love for 6 hours, and he replied, "Sure, but of course that includes dinner and a movie and probably an hour or so's begging." First time I ever had any respect for him.
Also, does anybody else get the impression that this stuff is going to make your vagina taste like children's cough linctus? Yuk.
24: I didn't click the link as I'm at work, but I would expect this is a gag gift that is never supposed to be used. Like dental floss.
I recall a mouth I encountered in my college days that was quite attractive to look at, but tasted like dental floss.
I didn't click the link as I'm at work
It's just a link to another Unfogged comment. Perfectly safe.
Oh, right. Misread the number reference.
Also, does anybody else get the impression that this stuff is going to make your vagina taste like children's cough linctus?
No.
For all my Mineshaft friends this holiday season.
31: Clearly absolutely useless for stopping a bullet.
31: What will that make my vagina taste like?
34, 35: More specifically.
I'm not the photographer credited for those pictures, in case anyone was wondering.
A bourbon-flavored vagina is pretty darn close to being a superpower.
38: It still wouldn't be enough to keep Tiger home.
38: Until the bastards put you in a tumbril and take you out to the guillotine.
36. Kings taste a bit like chicken, or so they say.
To the original post, they should have called the product Accoutrements, pronounced appropriately. Or Vaginaltoids.
I'll take this thread to 100 by myself, people.
WifeSavers!
BintMints!
If it were for boys, we could go for DickTacs.
Syphilisterine. Eh, that one may present some marketing challenges.
For a slightly different practice, there's ColonoScope.
I like how on the "instructions" page, the text is devoid of actual instructions. "Allow linger time to dissolve" after you put it, um, you know.
And the closely related Alka-Felcher.
53: Practice makes perfect, Jesus.
55: I assume the lack of detail is for the same reason that "Head On" didn't say why you might want to put it on your head. The FDA can't nail you for what you don't say.
If it were for boys, we could go for DickTacs.
Peckermint DickTacs.
So does it glow in the dark when you bite it?
Dicola
Ricolabia. (I am now hearing Gerardo growl, "Rrrrrico. Laaaabia."
Does everyone call the gum with the squirty gel in the middle Cum Gum?
Does everyone call the gum with the squirty gel in the middle Cum Gum?
No.
71: I only chew "old-people" gum like Trident.
Colgeat (which the body metabolizes into Colgate, obviously).
For full coverage try both Wintergroin and Poopermint varieties.
There was an old comedy record I heard once, but can't place, with an ad for 'Twinkle-Twat. Ladies! Are seagulls circling your house? A little dose of Twinkle-Twat and those flies will go right away."
55: I remember a bottle of AstroGlide with very similar instructions -- it said something like "A non-sterile lubricant for personal use." Great, I didn't want to get it mixed up with my non-sterile industrial lubricant.
I remember a bottle of AstroGlide
You sound like a wine snob.
85: Actually, I put it that way because I remember wondering if they had a more communicative/explicit label for bottles purchased in a sex-toy shop rather than Rite-Aid.
85, 87: Semenillon? Hardonnay?
89: We just spent 40 comments getting the thing minty-fresh and now you've gone and smeared it?
Is everybody waiting for somebody to put in three more comments?
Because it really seems to have slowed down now that it is getting close.
Oh my god, this was the best thread ever to return to. My sides hurt from laughing.
107: Often served with Penis Grigio.
When you're a little down on your luck, Poon's Farm goes down well, as does Wild Irish Cooze.
I don't really understand this game.
117: It's kind of like Mad Libs, but without the form and its pretty much all nouns.
121: Luckily, there's a product for that.
Wait, when did we move on to hard lickher?
The thread fermented.
It's cporked.
127: Sounds like somebody needs Linger.
120: No, it's a joke, ya see, 'cause ya see, I was just listing the names of actual products that sound dirty, without changing them at all.
I love this, from the linked-to post: A little digging revealed that Linger is made/distributed by a company called Admints, which just happens to make trade show mints. And the Linger samples just happen to have have the exact same shape, taste, and ingredients as Admint's sample mints.
Doesn't anyone put effort into their projects any more?
What is this, the Algonquim round table?
Doesn't anyone put effort into their projects
I'm pretty sure you're supposed to put it into your vagina, Nathan.
130. So once upon a time some ad agency hack got steaming drunk and shoved a sample mint up herself to see what would happen? This is moving from the sublime to the sordid.
An artificial orange flavored version: PoonTang
It's what Astronauts lick.
133: It was probably more than once.
Do you know what micro-organism is present in the vagina, and thrives on sugar? Yeast.
shoved a sample mint up herself to see what would happen?
"How's it feel?"
"Curiously strong."
133: the funky and sublime freshness you crave, OFE.
That's why the thread fermented, duh.
133, 135: But the urinal mints were a less successful experiment.
It was probably more than once.
Once you pop, you can't stop.
Wait, when did we move on to hard lickher?
Shortly after a visit to the distillurethra.
We're fortunate it didn't end up all about piss and vinegar.
145: yeah that would have been douchey.
I had to read every page to determine that the product was in fact a mint--they could at least have been creative and made it passion fruit. Or maybe that's the gay version (in the good buttsex way).
Mint really does seem to lack creativity as a possible flavor. Perhaps chefs could be consulted on more appropriate flavor combinations (cocktail sauce? Lemon juice would probably sting.)
Aquavit, as any good Scandinavian knows.
Grapefruit bitters actually does sound like a pretty good complement to the natural flavors, to me.
130: I didn't even realize there was a linked post. It seems to be the eleventh post on the linked page, beneath 38 large pictures and 2 embedded videos.
As for the linked page, I fail to see how the graphs of OKCupid data don't indicate that the ugliest men receive more messages from women than the most attractive men.
Little paper umbrellas are deprecated, however.
As for the linked page, I fail to see how the graphs of OKCupid data don't indicate that the ugliest men receive more messages from women than the most attractive men.
In aggregate, yes, because there are so many more ugly men, but each individual attractive man receives more messages on average than each individual ugly man.
This is the post on the attractiveness thing, for anyone who wants to see the graphs in question.
That whole blog is really interesting, actually. Worth a look.
Come for the vaginal mints, stay for the graphs.
Grapefruit bitters actually does sound like a pretty good complement to the natural flavors, to me.
Yeah, some sort of citrus sounds like a good match, although as LB notes there would be some practical issues in terms of comfort. On the other hand, this whole idea is pretty ludicrous, so I don't know how important practical problems really are.
Clearly a sorrel sauce is the solution.
So it's pretty much all about the condiments, then?
Also, this thread lacks gender balance. It's almost as if men spend more time thinking about lady parties than ladies do.
It's a condom...it's a mint...it's a condiment, yes.
It's almost as if men spend more time thinking about lady parties than ladies do.
Almost.
So it's pretty much all about the condiments, then?
So it seems, but it doesn't have to be.
Because somebody had to: vagina mintata.
Some of us are just upset that Sifu Tweety beat them to the sublime and funky joke. Or at least I am, anyway.
177, 178: Yea, didn't see it without the vagina in front.
I'm just shocked nobody's brought up Choadonnay.
Come for the vaginal mints, stay for the graphs.
Sweet ellipses.
Yeah, some sort of citrus sounds like a good match, although as LB notes there would be some practical issues in terms of comfort.
As long as we're thinking of flavor combinations, there's no reason the mixing vessel has to remain, you know, anatomical. The only question remaining for me is, aperitif or digestif?
As long as we're thinking of flavor combinations, there's no reason the mixing vessel has to remain, you know, anatomical.
True enough.
But I think that just brings us to the question of what the purpose of this exercise would actually be.
This product seems to me a case of people not taking the pussy seriously.
OT:
I saw Monica Bellucci's husband at the gym this morning. Monica Bellucci was not in evidence.
I saw Monica Bellucci's husband at the gym this morning. Monica Bellucci was not in evidence.
She was probably at home with Matty Groves.
What have we become? This has got to be the shortest genitalia thread on Unfogged in years.
Well, scenting your vagina is pretty dumb, you have to admit.
It only looks short; you'll see it's as long as any other if you gently hand-stretch it.
I wonder if we can unredact Labs' old comments, assuming we still have them saved.
There's a reason they were redacted, no? Or, um, is it safe now or something. Anyway, unredacting assumes they'd be stuck back in their original contexts, which would require people to RTFA.
I wasn't around pre-redaction.
assuming we still have them saved.
You were my only hope, young Ben. If you don't have them, probably no one does.
COBOL Linger says:
PUT A MINT IN YOU
ANSWER THE RESULT
187: Where are you? He was pretty crazy in Public Enemy #1.
Probably for the best. Some of those comments threatened to finish us all.
There's a reason they were redacted, no?
Well, there was. But the towering fucker is tenured now.
But the towering fucker is tenured now.
Woot!
Congratulations, wherever you are!
Well, there was. But the towering fucker is tenured now.
But what about post-tenure review? And merit raises? And the evaluation for the next level of professor?
cobol linger! There will be a character of that name in my next sf novel.
the towering fucker is tenured now.
But is his artisanally hand-stretched penis minty-fresh?
You were my only hope, young Ben. If you don't have them, probably no one does.
It was Becks who did the redaction in the first place, back when she did most/all of the behind-the-scenes stuff.
