Don't hot water bottles exist?
I could see not worrying about the bed being cold. I could see putting in a hot water bottle. I could see a crazy expensive hotel doing this sort of thing specifically because it's kind of perverse seeming. But Holiday Inns?
Maybe Holidays Inn are a bigger deal over there. Some of the fanciest hotels in France are Bests Western.
Don't hot water bottles exist?
Do they? I can't see how hot water bottles have done anything for me.
Some of the fanciest hotels in France are Bests Western.
And the Taco Bell on Champs-Élysées has a Michelin star.
Have you been there? The gorditas are fucking amazing.
No, I haven't. The only time I was in Paris, I didn't have that kind of money so I mostly ate hot dogs from street vendors.
Interesting line item on the hotel bill.
"What the hell's this? £15 to Ms. Karen Smith for 'Bed warming services'?"
"Honey, it's not what you think..."
Maybe Holidays Inn are a bigger deal over there.
Sorry, no. They're reliably clean and that's about it.
Since this thread is clearly designed to wander, can I ask a question? I'll assume I can.
A very senior researcher here at Large Midwestern University--mercifully someone outside my department who I don't see very often--accidentally included me on a forward of a really offensive satirical anti-Muslim email. I am in my first year in a new position; the person is a member of a committee central to the work of my new position. And naturally the budget here is extremely tight.
I don't know what to do. I'm fairly sure that this violates university policy. If I were in my old job or if this person were not Very Senior, I'd report it to HR. Or if it had been a really large forward--but it only went to four people. If I do anything it will clearly be me. My direct supervisors will not appreciate it if I rock the boat.
And yet! For pete's sake, this is offensive to me both personally and ideologically! I have friends who are Muslims; I live in a neighborhood with (for the Midwestern US) a large Muslim population. And I also believe that as a white/non-Muslim/US-born person it would be wrong for me to let this person believe that they and I have some kind of white/non-Muslim solidarity that makes it okay to forward things like this.
Also, I am totally skeeved out that I will have to attend meetings with this person.
What should I do, respectable professionals of Unfogged?
Also, for pete's sake, Large Midwestern University employs Muslim people. Our department employs Muslim researchers. What does that say about this person, that they would send this kind of thing around while having Muslim scientific colleagues?
Our department employs Muslim researchers.
You might ask one of them what they think you should do, given your situation.
9: Huh. This isn't a good idea, I don't think, just the first even vaguely plausible idea I've got. Reply saying "Please don't send me any more forwards like that; given that I'm so junior here, I'm very uncomfortable receiving emails that violate University HR anti-discrimination policies."? But someone else should shoot me down if they've got anything better.
Really, I can't see any action between ignoring it and confronting the senior person -- I tried to come up with the minimal possible confrontation, but it seems like both too much and too little.
How about sending an email back, saying, "I think you sent this to me inadvertently", with the hope that at least Senior Researcher will reconsider sending similar things in the future?
11: I might. I don't know the two of them very well and I'd feel weird being all "Senior Guy is prejudiced against you! What should I do about it?". I could ask my other Muslim friends, though. Bleah; I hate reminding them of how much of this shit there is.
I wonder whether I could just send it back and say "I believe you forwarded this to me by mistake. I'm not sure how to feel about it since I live in a neighborhood with a large Muslim population". I believe there is an old Miss Manners column where she advocates a little fibbing on receipt of these things, a la "Perhaps you are not aware that my partner is Muslim" [when one's partner is not].
Or you could anonymously torment said person until they quit, as by secretly warming their bed.
9: I guess I'd go by how offensive it was and who the other recipients were. I certainly would not want to have HR look at every e-mail I've sent to close friends and would draw the line of where I'd report something fairly deep into foul territory.
I'm not sure how to feel about it since I live in a neighborhood with a large Muslim population".
That seems a bit beside the point.
14.2 It's a shame that the expression "some of my best friends are [...]" is so compromised that you can't use it even when it's true and on topic.
16: That's a good point. (For an anarchist, I should be more wary of HR-based solutions.)
Admittedly, it was one of those chain forwards with a substantial section insulting Muslim women's appearance. I'm getting angrier just thinking about it. How could they possibly think this is okay when everywhere here there are East African women wearing the hijab? Why are people so messed up?
17: My goal would be to remind the sender that there isn't a clear line between Muslim communities and everyone else; also that by insulting the people I chose to live among, the sender is insulting me. Also, it's code for "you're being sort-of-like-racist-while-recognizing-that-there-is-racial-diversity-among-Muslims".
19: I don't think the "some of my best friends are..." reasoning is compromised so much as the obvious counter-point (this would be O.K. if I didn't know any X) is problematic.
13: The obvious solution is to send a quick note saying "Sorry, I think you forwarded this to me inadvertently" and sign it "Mullah Mohammed Frowner bin Standpipe al-Jihadi".
I'm with Hick in 22. If you're willing to confront the guy enough to object to the racism of the email, I don't think setting out your credentials to be entitled to be offended adds anything.
What about "Please don't forward me any more racial jokes." Doesn't quite say 'racist', but makes your opinion clear in the most minimal possible way?
23 is awesome. I think I might pee myself.
Nope, didn't pee myself. There's always next time, ajay.
24: I sort of agree and this is probably what I'll do. At the same time, I am frustrated by the way racist white people (which is defacto the issue here, especially since most Muslims round here are African) assume that there can be no important emotional or lived connection between white people and people of color, that in the end race loyalty will always trump everything else. Of course I'm just objecting to this "joke" out of some ridiculous PC-thuggery and thus my objection can be dismissed.
Prrint it, make a hundred photocopies, put 'em on billboards all over campus. Deny having done so.
I think I meant bulletin boards. Must find coffee.
Send it to HR anonymously. Deny having done so.
For something that's almost certainly a really bad idea, and that depends on the precise content of the forward: is it the kind of thing where you could plausibly at all play dumb and engage with it as a serious commentary on Muslim culture? "Actually, Professor Bigot, I think that email reflects a misapprehension about the function of hijab. If you look at [objective source X, preferably either university or at least Minneapolis based], it says [incompatible thing Y]."
How about: "Stormfront is out of the office until the pogrom finishes. In our absence, please send your racist emails to Lou Dobbs."
At the same time, I am frustrated by the way affluent white people (which is defacto the issue here, especially since most poorer people round here are non-white) assume that there can be no important emotional or lived connection between affluent people and poorer people, that in the end class loyalty will always trump everything else. Of course I'm just objecting to this "joke" out of some ridiculous liberal guilt and thus my objection can be dismissed.
30: That would be extremely funny if possible. I think the actual forward is too general (and compares Muslim women unfavorably to animals. Seriously, WTF?)
"joke" s/b "policy proposal"
Of course I'm just objecting to this "joke" out of some ridiculous PC-thuggery and thus my objection can be dismissed.
I think Kate Harding said something like:
Complaints about the PC Police is code for "What's the point of privilige if I'm not allowed to shit all over everyone else?"
My goodness, 31, 23 and 28 are all extremely tempting.
Send it to HR anonymously. Deny having done so.
Given that the message went to four people and presumably the other three know the sender better than Frowner, I think that would be highly ineffective.
How about sending an email back, saying, "I think you sent this to me inadvertently" cc'd to the entire department.
Not helpful?
Claim the Muslims hacked into your computer with their scary Muslim skillz. He's old and stupid, he'll believe you.
26 didn't really allow enough time for a test. After all, 23 remains awesome. SB could pee himself over it at any point.
Could you get back to us on this tomorrow? That should be enough time for it to work its way through your system.
I'm not doing this out of a desire to induce enuresis all over the Internet.
Well, not entirely.
To the original post, I would think most consumers would be squicked out germ-wise with having a stranger warm their sheets.
I'm not doing this out of a desire to induce enuresis all over the steaks.
Too late.
Someone should introduce that guy to the poop-sprinkler.
I notice from the article that the warmer would be wearing "fleece pyjamas". Not very efficient from a heat transfer point of view - as they're insulated, it'll take longer for the warmer to warm the bed. A nude warmer would be faster.
43: But do you think Standpipe could earn tips by warming people's swimming pools?
Frowner, have you considered asking your supervisors/coworkers at your old job for advice, assuming you left on good terms and it was at the same university. Universities are really small worlds and they may know something.
It would be best if the employee got in between the fitted sheet and the mattress, to form a faceless, warm, humanoid shape with which to snuggle all night long.
49 is best if thought of as part of a craigslist ad.
The photo in the article gets it right: friendly dogs in hotel rooms for the win.
Strangely, "spokeswoman" Jane Bednall is is also a vice-president of the company. It's possible there are multiple Bednalls, but I suspect a hoax. I was actually quite surprised to find that she probably existed.
Stranger's in the bed, fleece-underpantsy
Wond'ring in the bed what was the chance he
Wouldn't have to leave after the bed was warm?
48: Sadly, my old job is right down the hall and there's a great deal of overlap people-wise. I have a better view now, though.
54: I don't even have a window. Also, nobody ever e-mails me anything but more work and reminders for talks that I should attend.
Not having a window's just another word for nothing left to lose.
It's a bit easier to take because nobody in my building has a window. Also, I have a second office that does have a window.
Shouldn't HR have some mechanism for anonymous consultations about these issues? I.e., perhaps you can go down there email in hand and make it clear that you don't want anything done that will reveal you as the whistleblower; is there anything you or they can do given that constraint?
It's a bit easier to take because nobody in my building has a window.
How sad. Because you all are worried about nighttime air raids?
Moby works among the Mole People.
"It's a bit easier to take because nobody in my building has eyes."
59, 60: I assume the building was originally used solely as medical offices and they didn't want patients worried about pedestrians seeing their ass through a crack in the curtain.
It is also entirely possible that architects in the 1960s hated humanity.
63: generally accepted, I think. There was a building at my old university from the 60s, which had been designed to fit a slightly larger plot of ground than ultimately was available - so when the available ground area was reduced, instead of redesigning, they just reduced every dimension by 15%. It has incredibly narrow staircases.
63: When you're describing your own buildings as "Brutalism", that's a fair assumption.
64: That has to be an urban legend. But it's very funny -- like the office in Being John Malkovich.
55: Technically, it's not my window so much as it is the window of the Associate High-Ranking Administrator for Important Things, who kindly lets me use it. In truth, one of the reasons I accepted this job was the move from a small windowless office to this one.
"You can borrow my office only if you keep the blinds closed."
65: There seem to be a lot of just-so stories to answer "Why is that stupid building like that?" I remember going to a debate tournament in some northern county of NJ at a high school that was built as a series of small (like 2 classrooms) buildings set around a courtyard. This design is obviously better suited to La Jolla, CA than Milford, NJ (or wherever it was), especially in January when I was there, and the unlikely story the kids all knew was that the architect accidentally built a school meant for southern CA in northern NJ. More likely? Hippie educators in the early 70s somehow thought this was a good idea. I was also told that the Stone Container building (now Smurfit-Stone, I think) in Chicago -- the one at the norther edge of the famous skyline that looks like you took a regular skyscraper and chopped off the top diagonally, leaving a diamond shape facing Grant Park -- was intentionally yonic architecture. There were also weird stories about Northwestern's library's odd shape (that I can't remember now).
Strangely, "spokeswoman" Jane Bednall is is also a vice-president of the company.
Why is this surprising?
There were also weird stories about Northwestern's library's odd shape (that I can't remember now).
The University of Illinois' library is underground to avoid casting a shadow on a historically important cornfield. I'm fairly certain that isn't a legend as you can see the cornfield.
I was told at one point that Joseph Regenstein was an envelope magnate who had invented the envelope window, and as such the windows on the Regenstein library were meant to evoke envelope windows.
There were also weird stories about Northwestern's library's odd shape (that I can't remember now).
...Johansen and his men were awed by the cosmic majesty of this dripping Babylon of elder daemons, and must have guessed without guidance that it was nothing of this or of any sane planet. Awe at the unbelievable size of the greenish stone blocks, at the dizzying height of the great carven monolith, and at the stupefying identity of the colossal statues and bas-reliefs with the queer image found in the shrine on the Alert, is poignantly visible in every line of the mate's frightened description.
Without knowing what futurism is like, Johansen achieved something very close to it when he spoke of the city; for instead of describing any definite structure or building, he dwells only on broad impressions of vast angles and stone surfaces--surfaces too great to belong to anything right or proper for this earth, and impious with horrible images and hieroglyphs...
HP Lovecraft: not a fan of modern architecture.
71: I was also once told that the (really quite absurd) design of the Northwestern library was dumped on them after having been rejected by the U of C when they were building the Reg. (I miss the Reg.)
72: You know, that library does sort of look like a sow on its side nursing its young.
Mmm. Prowling around the stacks looking for casual reading material was fun.
The Reg and the Northwestern Library were both designed by Walter Netsch. I remember back when I thought architects didn't just reuse the same ideas over and over. See also Max Palevsky Residential Commons and Mission Bay Community Center, both products of Ricardo Legorreta.
I've always found that university libraries are bad places to prowl for casual reading as they put those monochromatic covers on everything. Pitt's library is an exception as it has an area with novels, some of them newish, and popularish non-fiction kept in their original bindings. And you can buy coffee or drink your own. That said, the library building is ugly in the most ordinary way possible.
I'm sitting in the public library, eavesdropping. The librarian is helping a boy ~5th grade find a book to help him determine whether or not he wants a career as a member of the border patrol when he grows up.
He is interested; she is playing it absolutely neutral. She is showing him a particular page in some book and saying, "Here you can read an interview with a border patrol, so that you could learn more about what this career is like."
9: With friends, I have gotten good results with "Please don't be racist. It makes me think less of you."
With strangers, I understand the urge to cite one's friends and neighborhood, but I don't think that would be the right course; it seems to me too likely to open the door to a "some of my best friends...; I live in/near..., too" response. Maybe just stop by the sender's office and mention, in a non-Atticus Finch tone of voice, that the e-mail was stupid and offensive, putting "stupid" first, to appeal to academic vanity.
76: And husband of former lt. gov. and gubernatorial candidate Dawn Clark Netsch!
Also, I knew of a school that was supposed to have thirty classrooms, laid out sideways. But by mistake they built it sideways, so it has thirty stories, one on top of the other. Also they forgot to build the 19th story.
I knew of an office tower that was accidentally built upside down. You have to stand on the ceiling of the elevator.
I really loved the open stacks of my grad school library.
I've always found that university libraries are bad places to prowl for casual reading as they put those monochromatic covers on everything.
That's kind of what I liked -- the total grab bag aspect. Not knowing anything about a book except that it's 20th century fiction that the acquisitions staff thought it was worth owning. Admittedly, you get the occasional shock -- I'd never heard of The Turner Diaries (if you don't know, it's a racist screed popular among white supremacists) until I picked up the U of C's copy.
I'd never heard of The Turner Diaries
Yes, the Oklahoma City bombers were fans. That's the only thing I know about it.
83: I've never heard of a university library (graduate or undergraduation) without open stacks. At least not a U.S. university.
Netsch also did the UIC campus, right? And the Air Force Academy, which is actually notable for its, um, something or other. Anyway, people really used to know how to pour concrete. It's a lost art, I tell you.
75: On of my favorite grad school activities was wandering through the trade journal section of the stacks and picking stuff up at random. I spent a fair amount of time one year following an acimonious debate in Tunnels and Tunneling over the New Austrian Tunneling Method. I think I can still reproduce the major arguments on each side. The Quantum Mechanics I was studying at the time is, of course, completely gone.
Widener has an astonishingly large and creepy selection of books about what crazy goths Neil Gaiman fans cult leader wannabes enthusiasts call "magick," in one of the grimmest, dankest corners of its open stacks. I felt like Mickey Rourke in Angel Heart, and not in a good way, when I stumbled upon them.
89: "The World is Round" vs. "We Are Going to Dig Through the Bottom"?
I've never heard of a university library (graduate or undergraduation) without open stacks. At least not a U.S. university.
The Bodleian has closed stacks. I mean, it has open stacks as well, but most of the books I ever needed to in the closed stacks.
The flamewars on the Fou/ndations of Mathem/atics mailing list are fun, even if you haven't the slightest care about whose axiom would win in a knife fight. Mathematicians think they're doing philosophy, and philosophers mathematics, so it's all pompous, departmentally-marginal personalities bickering at each other.
Hang on, that sounds familiar.
The Bodleian has closed stacks.
For the antique porn.
91: Actually it's "pay attention to what you are doing" vs. "I am already paying attention so get off my damn case"
95: There's a similar debate in the Archives of Intra-familial Communication. See the M Hick. 1982. "I won't spill soda in the living room." And M Hick. 1983. "I did clean it up mostly myself."
I am so paying attention to my tags.
Milford, NJ
We got married there! By the youngest mayor in the country! Who took over from the oldest mayor in the country!
I didn't think mayors could officiate at weddings unless it was a floating city.
It's important to preserve the moving average of consecutive mayors.
The next mayor was in the 66th percentile.
I prefer to apply a Chebyshev filter to the time series of mayor ages.
UIUC has closed stacks, Hoover at Stanford as well. I thought it was pretty common, especially for periodicals or libraries whose general collections include old books.
102: I'd try a Butterworth filter to avoid the ripples...
I drink Mrs. Buttersworth to get some ripples.
I think many university libraries have sections that are closed, but most have open stacks as well, no?
I've had the luxury of living in one of the world's worst buildings (at the University of St. Andrews) - legend has it that the architect later committed suicide, which might be true but I sincerely doubt it was for the implied reason of how terrible his concrete construction was, AND of working in the one of the world's worst buildings, our current department home that requires one to go outside to go anywhere. I know I live in California but it does rain sometimes and I'd like to be able to pick up my paper from the printer the floor above without either getting wet or having to put all my outer clothes back on, thank you very much.
I remember Harper library at Chicago as having closed stacks. But then, I also remember Stagg field fondly, so I wouldn't trust my recollections.
106.last: I can remember walking several blocks across campus to get a printout from the mainframe. Sometimes the IT people would run out of coal and we couldn't power the printer.
I'm wondering if people could help me out a little with a site I'm building?
Could you send test this form and random docs, and note it here?
http://lisanu.com/index.php?option=com_aicontactsafe&view=message&layout=message&pf=1&Itemid=68
Coal? We had undergraduates harnessed to a wheel. The motto was 'muzzle not the undergraduates who treadeth out the printing'
C'mon folks, say something. The change thread is pulling ahead
I didn't think mayors could officiate at weddings unless it was a floating city.
China Miéville, so much to answer for.
I'm not clicking on 109 until I'm first assured that it's porn.
111: I got it from Gilligan's Island, the one where the Howells learned the weren't really married. But more seriously, I was not aware that mayors could officiate at weddings. I thought it was judges and magistrates (i.e. justices of the peace).
113: Mayors, sea captains, John Waters -- pretty much anybody depicted on The Simpsons.
110: If you want a random comment, I dreamed last night that rob helpy-chalk* had died tragically,** and I was very relieved this morning to see him commenting.
*helpy-chalk, sorry that my unconscious killed you off. No idea why it seized on you!
**Sample dream conversation: A: "Why are you upset?" Me: "Well, uh, someone I know died...well, uh, someone I know from the internet....oh, never mind."
Well, the content control software at my mom's job says it's porn.
the unlikely story the kids all knew was that the architect accidentally built a school meant for southern CA in northern NJ
We all "knew" that the reason our law school building was so hideously inappropriate for Seattle was that the design had been done for one of the Arizona schools and then picked up cheap by UW when they decided not to build it. (The law school has a much nicer building now; thanks, Bill Gates!)
I also used to go to the stacks and just walk around pulling books and seeing if they were interesting. The time spent doing so revealed something I've found fascinating ever since: there were closet cases cruising the graduate library and writing Dewey Decimal numbers on the bathroom walls. If one went to the book at a given number, there was a decent chance that there would be a note slipped into the card sleeve, written like any other personals ad. It was kind of sweet, except for the ones from guys looking to hook up in the tea rooms on campus, which were simply sad.
I never used the Dewey Decimal system method myself, but I did observe it as an informal anthropological survey kind of thing plenty of times.
I've never heard of a university library (graduate or undergraduation) without open stacks. At least not a U.S. university.
Really? It's pretty common for libraries with rare or delicate collections to have closed stacks. Manuscript collections, for example, are always closed (I don't know of any open manuscript collections, at least). I'd guess that most universities have a library with some closed collections and that at many universities those collections are big enough to have their own buildings.
120: I understand that there are always closed collections. I never encountered of any collection big enough to be called "stacks" being closed. Probably because I spent most of my time at University of a Large-Flat State.
there were closet cases cruising the graduate library and writing Dewey Decimal numbers on the bathroom walls.
Hm. I wonder if they used SuDocs if they wanted head from a bureaucrat.
I never used the Dewey Decimal system method myself
McManlyPants is a devout Library of Congress Classification cruiser.
122: If, on your 1040, you list your occupation as "Accontant" with just that misspelling, an IRS agent will be sitting in a green Taurus at the rest stop nearest to your house in a green vest on the 2nd Tuesday after your refund check is posted.
123: PS3553.A6635 M56 1990, baby.
there were closet cases cruising the graduate library and writing Dewey Decimal numbers on the bathroom walls. If one went to the book at a given number, there was a decent chance that there would be a note slipped into the card sleeve, written like any other personals ad.
I envision this as little notes tucked into one's favorite books, so that one could have casual NSA sex with someone who was a fan of Julian Barnes or was particularly convinced by Ernest Mandel. I would totally prefer hooking up with a random Franco Moretti enthusiast to dealing with dating websites, but I suspect that this is not how it works.
(On another topic, I want another pair of what the kids call skinny jeans. I have several; I like them; they're hard to find in not-quite-thin-people-but-not-quite-plus sizes. I ordered some likely ones from a teenybopper website, noticing sadly that according to the size chart I took the largest of the "special" sizes. They arrived and were huge, although adorable and unusually well made. I placed another order one size down. These arrived today and they too are huge! Teen catalog people, I am resigned to being kind of fat. I'm used to it. I am not, however, resigned to placing three orders to get a simple pair of grey jeans that approximates my waist size.)
McManlyPants is a devout Library of Congress Classification cruiser.
I stand around in RC870-923 asking strange men if I can make an appointment for an oral exam, then saying, "Oh, Mary, forgiiiive me, I thought this was NC1300-1766: caricature."
119 Is kind of adorable in a sad and disturbing way.
And of course, now that I think about it the graduate library used the LoC system. Regardless, dudes were writing down book numbers on the wall.
now that I think about it the graduate library used the LoC system.
I was wondering about that. I am now so thoroughly accustomed to Library of Congress that I have a hard time with Dewey.
Some number of U.S. universities used to have separate undergrad and grad libraries, and undergrads weren't allowed into the stacks. This started to change in the 1970s, I think. Of course, special collections and the like still have closed stacks. The Library of Congress is closed stack. And some places are closed stack unless you have a card and not everyone can get a card (both Cal and Stanford are restricted like this).
And some places are closed stack unless you have a card
Every dating site like to be seen as exclusive.
In the early 2000s, you could borrow books from the University of London Library if you were a scholar (essentially anyone with a PhD or studying for one or an academic post), or else if you were a student of any University of London college, unless your college was one where you had to get a letter from your own college library. Our library violently denied that our students needed a letter from our library to use the central library and refused to issue them, referring to our professors, who referred to the library, which referred to the central library.
Any fool with £2, however, could roam the library and order books from the stacks and read them and vandalise them, but not borrow them.
Eventually, they relented and issued me a card, which didn't work when I tried to use it, and I shouldersurfed through the turnstile in and out to research my BA and MSc theses.
Oh yes, and the British Library also wanted a 27B/6 stamped by the Under-Director of Shit in the Wank Office before I could read anything, and Special Circumstances (possibly in the Iain M. Banks sense) before I could see the newspaper library. So my story about the town's extreme-right past was never written, and I hate them all.
A hot water bottle might be nice. I've always wanted someone to come in with one of those long things full of coals to warm the bed.
I never really saw the point of hot water bottles myself, largely because my surface:mass ratio is skewed enough I have more problems getting rid of heat than retaining heat, but my grilfriend -- who skews the other way -- swears by them.
As do the cats.
134: a warming pan. The seventeenth-century equivalent of the Hawaiian Long Form Birth Certificate.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Francis_Edward_Stuart
but my grilfriend -- who skews the other way -- swears by them
She should be using you. That way everybody wins, and the heat gradient stabilises somewhere between you.
Women are about 10C colder than men, I read in a climbing magazine. Not literally, of course; but, due to different circulations and body fat distributions, if a man is in a sleeping bag rated "comfortable to minus 10" he will be comfortable in temperatures down to minus 10, while a woman won't be comfortable below zero.
you guys, my girls were sick for 2 weeks with some fluish thing and only went back to school part of last week. then yesterday my oldest was home sick with her annoying mysterious stomach ailment. last night my youngest developed a bad UTI despite being on prophylactic antibiotics (she has a kidney reflux problem and takes 1/2 the normal dose of antibiotics every day) and the pain is so bad she can only pee in a warm bath. I took her to the doctor and she's on new antibiotics but there was blood in her urine earlier and our pediatric urologist can't see her till the 19th of feb. we live right by the children's hospital and they have a fine walk-in clinic as well as a lovely ER in which I have spent an astonishing amount of time, so now I get to spend all night checking on her temperature to see if we should jump out of bed and go to the ER, because she might develop a serious kidney infection very quickly. I fucking hate everything and WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY!!1111!! thanks, just needed to get that off my chest.
also, you all made me crack up like three times today, and my daughter wanted to know what I was laughing about, and each time I had to say it was impossible to explain.
Jeepers, Al, that sucks.
It sucks that we made alameida laugh three times today? What kind of monster are you?
It does sort of suck that there's wee alameidine (alameidetta?) in considerable discomfort, and her mum is bursting out laughing repeatedly and saying "no, you wouldn't understand". More jokes suitable for small children from now on.
Orange you glad I didn't say banana.
146: Iris is in love with that "joke" right now.
This, too, shall pass.
Have you tried the "Interrupting Cow" one?
"You start" is still my favorite.
I made my wife take a solemn vow that we would never introduce our children to the concept of "knock, knock jokes". They should learn about it on the street.
150: I assume that that would be a knocko, knocko joke.
I totally fucked up the Interrupting Cow one the other night. So embarrassing:
Me: Oh, I love the one about the Interrupting cow.
Other person: I haven't heard that one.
Me: Okay. Knock knock.
Other person: Who's --
Me: Moooooo. [Realizes something is wrong but not sure what.]
Third person: Um, I think it goes like this...
I still think it could have been funny if my delivery had been better. I needed to be quicker and louder on the "moooo."
OK, I laughed out loud at 152, and what's more, I am happy to explain why.
Hey Bave, I know a great knock-knock joke. You start.
Failure of a joke:
Me: Have you heard the joke about the interrupting cow?
She: No?
Me: Knock, knock!
She: Knock, knock?
Me: Knock, knock!
She: ....
Me: Knock! Knock!
She: Yes?
Me: Mooooo!
She: ???
Me: It's the interrupting cow!
Maybe I should apply for a job at Holiday Inn. I give off a lot of heat in bed, apparently (...laydeez), and my Japanese gf used to call me 湯湯婆ちゃん (yutanpo-chan, her hot water bottle).
Keegan's first ever knock-knock joke went:
K: Knock knock.
Apo: Who's there?
K: Somebody.
Apo: Somebody who?
K: What?
Apo: Somebody who?
K: The joke is over, Dad.
That sounds like dialog from a Quentin Tarantino movie just before he shoots you.
My favorite knock-knock joke is this one:
A: I know a great knock-knock joke!
B: Oh, really?
A: Yeah! You start.
B: Knock knock.
A: Who's there?
B: ...
I have delivered this with great success. The key is plenty of innocent enthusiasm.
I (claim to have) invented an Interrupting Sloth version! But mine goes:
A: Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Interrupting Sloth.
B: Interrupting Sloth who?
[long, long pause]
A: Heee-eey [with a slow pawing at the air].
