I have to say, Woody Allen's standup comedy is some of the funniest stuff ever.
"My father was in the den watching the Ed Sullivan show. Watching the Indiana Home For The Criminally Insane Glee Club on the Ed Sullivan show. 'Mom, dad,' I said, 'I'm thinking about getting a divorce.' My mother got up, walked over to the furnace and got in. Took it rather badly, I thought."
That was two o'clock in the morning, and I get my date back to her apartment, and the two of us are alone, and we're going pretty good. I have to explain this very delicately, 'cause it's really tentative. As I... as I am an inordinately...passionate...man. Volatile. Sensual. In general a stud. When making love...when making love...in an effort...to prolong...the moment of ecstacy...I think of baseball players. All right, now you know. The two of us are making love violently, she's digging it, I figure I better start thinking of ballplayers quickly. So I figure it's one out, the ninth, the Giants are up. Mays lines a single to right, he takes second on a wild pitch. Now she is digging her nails into my neck. I decided to pinch-hit for McCovey. Alou pops out. Haller singles, Mays holds third. Now I got a first-and-third situation. Two out, the Giants are behind one run. I don't know whether to squeeze or steal. She's been in the shower for ten minutes, already. This is too...I can't tell you anymore, this is too personal. The Giants won.
Reminds me of our statistician friend from the other thread.
2: She's in the shower all of a sudden?
You know how baseball is. Slow-paced game. Who knows how many pitches it took for Alou to pop out and Haller to to single. Maybe the pitcher and catcher conferred.
Maybe the pitcher and catcher conferred on the mound.
Got it. These analogues will get you every time. It's almost like people can't focus on what's at hand.
(Sorry, I obviously haven't looked at the Woody Allen link, which sounds pretty funny, but somehow make me impatient.)
That day I called my parents, my father was fired. He was technologically unemployed. My father had worked for the same firm for twelve years. They fired him. They replaced him with a tiny gadget--this big--that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is, my mother went out and bought one.
So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door. The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say "Hello. You know the Solomons". We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored. Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half. Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prices for the best costume of the night.First price goes to the Burkowitzes, a married couple dressed as a moose. The moose comes in second. The moose is furious. He and the Burkowitzes lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious.
His early books are great, too. Death Knocks is such a funny play.
Woody Allen's work is impossible to read without hearing his voice.