This isn't really about softball, is it?
Wow, that sucks. I remember it took you a while to find an OB you liked. Is there an OB you can switch to before HP, The Sequel, is born?
Maybe you should ask her if the sonogram can tell if your baby's going to be gay and, by the way, does she know where you can get a late term abortion?
Gah, I don't know. It was impossible to find someone who doesn't promote post-partum labiaplasty and liposuction before this doc came along.
OH...man. Really? That just...ugh. UGH. I don't have any advice. Well, not good advice. I kind of want to suggest that you tell her that your sister is gay or something, but, you know. Venting I get.
This does sound like one of those things the internet was supposed to solve. Database of non-asshole OBs? Internet, go!
I know! There are some excellent OBs in Austin, but the schlep would be a pain for you, so as soon as your classes end you can move in with us and we'll have wacky sitcom hijinx! Jammies's unfortunate taste in beer will be an issue, though.
That is awful!
4: Is post-partum labiaplasty really a thing? I've heard of so-called vaginal rejuvenation, which is absolutely crazy.
Also, since moving from near San Francisco to Utah, I was really surprised to see that Utah has tons of billboards for liposuction and I don't recall seeing a single one in the Bay area. I figured people in California would be way more shallow. Also, if you typically get married at 20 and don't divorce, you're stuck with what you've got and you don't have much experience to know it can be better. So why bother? Now that you're mentioning it too I'm starting to wonder if it's somehow a conservative thing?
so-called vaginal rejuvenation
I forgot this was the phrase. Maybe both phrases popped up. But yeah, the vaginal rejuvenation was definitely a popular item.
Speaking of venting... UNG is finally engaged.
There are some excellent OBs in Austin
There are! I'm kind of actually surprised that the mix here is so crappy.
9: WHY? How could this ever result in an improvement?
12: Maybe everybody's hoo-ha isn't as perfect as yours, Liz.
Actually I think the term is "Pre-Owned Vagina".
I'm gonna guess from the association w venting that Di's not entirely thrilled? Di?
Also, vaginal rejuvenation...I mean. I am really wishing that I didn't google that. WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE DO THAT, sans some terrible trauma?
I'm going in for a physical sometime soon. Maybe I'll ask about cockular rejuvenation. Perhaps the doc could tack on some knobs or a vibratey thing.
Actually I think the term is "Pre-Owned Pwned Vagina".
tons of billboards for liposuction
Same here in sunny SoCal. Along with TV and Radio. I figure either the patent on the lapband expired and there are now tons of generics, or all the insurance companies now cover the surgery when they used to label it "experimental" or something.
I don't know from surgery-based VR, but my Demography/Pop-OBG friends tell me the degree to which pregnancy fucks up women's pelvic floors is generally under-appreciated.
Actually I think the term is "Pre-Owned Vagina".
Do plastic surgeons who do vaginal rejuvenation with hymen restoration have to issue a salvage title?
You guys know the story about Lindsey Lohan (choose appropriate slatern to taste) and the burn victims, right?
I was really surprised to see that Utah has tons of billboards for liposuction and I don't recall seeing a single one in the Bay area. I figured people in California would be way more shallow.
Ha, no. I think it was Forbes that said of the 50 largest cities in the U.S. SLC has the highest number of board certified plastic surgeons per capita.
Not entirely thrilled. I don't particularly like the fiancé. And, though this apparently happened over the weekend, Rory hasn't mentioned it at all...
the degree to which pregnancy fucks up women's pelvic floors is generally under-appreciated.
Yeah, but I don't think this is what's being addressed with the various surgeries.
24: Fascinating!
25: I seem to recall you saying that she's not as bad as UNG. Hopefully her new status won't make sure try to act like a mom with authority over Rory.
Yeah, but I don't think this is what's being addressed with the various surgeries.
Right. On the vaginal rejuvenation websites I just glanced through, they all talk about how weak your vaginal and perineal muscles get. Um, then why not exercise them, rather than take a laser to them?! I'm not the only one who read that NYT article about French women, am I? The one in which the woman is having her state-funded vaginal gymnastics session?
23: What.
25: Hmm. You're sure they told Rory? Or Rory's all, I don't know how to break the news to mom?
Wrt not liking the fiance...a big part of me feels like I just don't have the life experience to comment, but I do have experience dealing with people who I would rather not have in my life. It blows. I just learned not to care. Not having a kid, though, I can't really imagine how much more difficult it would be to just not care. In fact, I rather think I'd have difficulty refraining from regular rabid attacks on whatever stupid shmuck was influencing my kid in a way I didn't like. (I will be a lovely parent.)
Have you considered Buddhism?
26 & 28, yeah (having just googled my way up to speed).
Here. This sort of thing has been helping me a lot recently.
Hopefully her new status won't make sure try to act like a mom with authority over Rory.
She's already crossed that line -- which is what caused her "better than UNG" status to be revoked.
In fact, I rather think I'd have difficulty refraining from regular rabid attacks on whatever stupid shmuck was influencing my kid in a way I didn't like.
Yes, this is a very difficult impulse to restrain. They'll probably have babies, too. Which, yeah, I think I have just moved from the initial shock to being really kind of not happy about this.
But not to threadjack. Back to the discussion of awful OBs!
32: I don't know if suggesting possible silver linings is the kind of thing that would be truly obnoxious here, but....one can hope that if the fiance with boundary issues and UNG have babies, maybe this will sensitize her to...boundaries? Maybe? Possibly?
Ugh. Sorry, Di.
Also, I am not positive on the definition of thread-jacking, but I think the topic was venting?
And, wrt awful OBs: I cannot, with that. I cannot abide the thought of someone awful anywhere near my vagina, for any reason. I do not know what to tell you. Except that there really should be a women's health internet thingy, bc women having terrible experience with OB/GYNs and pregnancies and births and hospitals is apparently not all that rare of a thing. Not to freak anyone out, but the phrase "birth rape" still haunts my nightmares.
23: What.
It seems Ms. Lohan had been receiving some negative feedback from her latest lovers. She went to the OB, who informed her she had indeed stretched out beyond all recognition, but that surgery was an option. Always one to be concerned about her public image, our young star decided to have the surgery, but with strict instructions as to secrecy and nondisclosure signed by all and sundry.
The day after the successful surgery a bouquet of roses and a card arrive in Lindsey's hospital room. Without reading the card, but furious that her secret has been revealed, she summoned the surgeon.
The doctor informed her that her secret was safe, and that the excess material from the surgery was donated anonymously. But seeing that she ahd donated the material, the doctor thought that the roses belonged to her. Lindsey then read the card, which was from the burn ward stating "Thanks for the new ears".
not to threadjack.
It's okay. Some people can't orgasm any other way.
Di, that sucks. But, your kid will be fine and is your kid (I know that you know that already) and I'll bet the arrangement of the other family doesn't affect YOUR famy all that much, which is the important thing.
If you are venting perhaps vajuvenation is in order.
39: I think after a certain passage of time, they just self-rejuvenate...
It's like certified pre-owned: low mileage! Like new!
Only used on Sunday?
after a certain passage of time, they just self-rejuvenate
That's putting a pleasant spin on it.
The whole vajuvenation thing has made me remember this
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/burkas-and-birkins/Content?oid=4132715
so I guess it's not all bad.
Double plus good: I'm pretty sure "diamond encrusted fucking clown" is also a luxury vajuvenation package.
I wish. Probably should take it out for a spin once in awhile to make sure it still runs.
It's like certified pre-owned
Ex-husband: "So, how does your new boyfriend like used vagina?"
Ex-wife: "He likes it just fine once he gets past the used part."
46 is simultaneously brilliant and offensive in so many ways! Excellent! Now ex-husband and ex-wife should stop speaking to one another, though.
47: That would be swell, but the whole "we have a child together" makes that kinda hard.
You and UNG speak to each other that way? I didn't realize that.
44: Did anyone here see SATC 2? Did the scene with Samatha ripping off her clothes in the bazaar really happen? I already know what the answer's going to be. I hate people.
51: Do you mean -- did it really happen in the movie?
I haven't seen the movie, but I'm pretty sure that it did happen in the movie, but not in real life.
And, why do you hate people? Some of them can be quite nice.
Yeah, I meant in the movie. Reading the link at 44 made me hate everyone who had the slightest part in making it and I may have spoken in slightly hyperbolized terms. But I could never hate you, peep.
Thanks for that Sir Kraab! I was worried, because it turns out that I am a person.
Yes, but it made you love Lindy West a little bit, right? I took it as a trade off.
As long as we're discussing objects of scorn and hatred: Jennifer Fucking Love Hewitt.
My eye just twitched. I can't.
From dressing up as Audrey Hepburn to gaining weight, claiming to be fine with it, and then doing articles about how she's lost the weight, to that squint thing she does, to fucking BEDAZZLING HER VAGINA. I just. I cannot. I. Cannot.
I thought that being a step-parent meant you get a new spouse out of the deal, but this turns out not to be so. Also, raising teenage boys is plenty hard enough without also having to try to raise their dingbat father.
Ha, no. I think it was Forbes that said of the 50 largest cities in the U.S. SLC has the highest number of board certified plastic surgeons per capita.
When all of one's wives have to compete for one's affection of course it's an arms race.
57: But she's so strong! Think of the pressure she experiences from the media.
I am currently gnashing my teeth.
44: Having paid to see Predators twice in the theater (there was a heat wave; please don't judge me), I have no dog in this hunt, but Emily Nussbaum wrote a faint defense of those appalling trollops the Amos and Andy of feminism Sex and the City 2 at New York magazine.
When did bedazzling anything become a bad thing? What couldn't be improved by a little bedazzle?
Technically it wasn't the VAGINA, it was, you know, a triangular area nearby.
57: I bow to no man (or woman) in my reverence for Audrey Hepburn, but it amuses me to recall (i) an ESPN columnist (Bill Simmons, very possibly) writing a few years ago that the surest way to start a couch argument with one's wife or girlfriend was to mention finding Jennifer Love Hewitt attractive and (ii) a Slate columnist (Dana Stevens, I think) calling Ms. Love Hewitt's character on The Ghost Whisperer a "busty nitwit."
What couldn't be improved by a little bedazzle?
65: She has nice breasts. I don't see how the other complaints are relevant.
63: Feminists don't like it because it implies that you have to convince people to like something gross and disgusting by making it pretty with jewels.
62: And now I want to see it. I'm sure all the best moments have been ruined, however.
68: And also it prevents full access to the general area of actual interest. One can do a lot with skin. What the fuck are these goddamn rhinestones in my way?
||Venting! I would like to vent!
I am proctoring an exam. As the students filed into the class, one of them told me that she needed to be in a low-distraction environment, so she wanted to take the exam into the hallway.
I told her that (a) this exam requires her to look at a video which is playing in the classroom, and (b) this is one section of many so all the exams are proctored, and (c) she was supposed to make arrangements for accommodations ahead of time. Then I sent her to the OSWD to find out what her OSWD advisor wanted her to do, given the video/proctor needs (I'm fine with having her take it over there, but at this point I can't leave the rest of the class unattended, and the OSWD doesn't have the test or the video because there was no request ahead of time).
She came back with a form for me to fill out and give to the OSWD along with the test materials.
Fine, I say, I will make the arrangements for you to take the test over there. Are you available tomorrow? No, she has a lot of things to do tomorrow. And she's not available during the week either. Okay, I say, what is your idea about when and where you would like to take this test? I don't know, she says. Maybe in your office after class?
I have office hours anyway so that actually works pretty well. But I am still very irritated! TELL ME AHEAD OF TIME!
Also, I think I might be getting all mitochodrial-disease-y again. I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach and off balance and sometimes when my heart beats it makes everything look brighter and then dimmer and then brighter and then dimmer. WOE IS ME.
Carry on.
|>
68: That's one interpretation, but if you think about it, you only bedazzle things that you already like, that have an underlying worth. You don't bedazzle a jacket that doesn't fit, you bedazzle your favorite jacket to give it that extra oomph.
In fact, I don't think you can be a feminist unless you bedazzle your vagina.
I sometimes wonder if my extreme hatred for SATC is driven by misogyny. Survey says . . . Maybe. OTOH, I also hate shoes, materialistic New Yorkers, most of Manhattan, stupid newspaper columnists, lame use of the VoiceOver as a narrative device, and talking about sex, so there's that.
One can do a lot with skin.
Yes, one certainly can.
72: Also valid. Since I can't even manage to wear makeup or jewelry consistently, there is no way that I would exert the effort to glue and rhinestones on my skin, so it's not my fight. But I think, and I bet Donaquixote will back me up, that anything endorsed by Jennifer Love Hewitt must be bad for society.
78: BACKED UP! She hurts all of us. What's the mythological creature that feeds on the pain of others? That's her.
78, 79: Wow, maybe Bill Simmons was right for once.
In fact, I don't think you can be a feminist unless you bedazzle your vagina.
Is glitter spray allowed ?
Ok. To be fair: I experience similar annoyance at all women who do the simpering, cutesy, girly thing to excess in return for professional success or financial gain. Drew Barrymore, for example, bugs the hell out of me bc she still acts like a ditz in interviews, and she's a fucking successful producer with a reputation for running her shit. Really? You're afraid of seeming too...competent? What?
/End rant
Also, I googled Ed Gein. To my detriment.
Is there some danger that JLH's endorsement is going to change people's perceptions so that you are totally uncool if you dont vajazzle? Has a particular person been blamed for the completely bald/brazilian look? Or have women united and caused her to disappear?
I'm just not seeing the vajazzled thing catch on.
To be fair, I will throw some hate JHL's way for anyone who throws some hate towards Jenny McCarthy.
57: Jennifer Love Hewitt's continuing career, such as it is, is an article of faith to me, as someone who believes in a godless, unjust universe. It actively bothers me that she is famous.
materialistic New Yorkers, most of Manhattan
Now I'm sad.
85: Oh, you've got all the hatred for Jenny McCarthy that you want from me. If it weren't for that woman, this nonsense about autism and mercury in vaccines might have died years ago.
DQ is clearly a self-loathing vajazzler, addicted to the pretty little beads and glue. It is very sad. I have a tear in my eye.
I proclaim my love for LizSpigot and all that she stands for.
One of my close friends was just diagnosed with breast cancer (sad!), and we've been discussing various fun options for when she loses her pubic hair due to chemo. Vajazzling may be out, but perhaps henna?
(Naturally, to make the situation worse, she and her husband--who was in my cohort--just moved to a new city for his first T-T job, and so they don't know anyone there. Also, you just don't expect these things to happen at, you know, 29.)
85: DONE. Way to give kids the measles through your uneducated, personal vendetta, dipshit. I'm sorry your kid is autistic, but shut the fuck up.
And I am going to perhaps start a whole other issue, but I do not mind the bald look. The actual waxing process...ow. (I know some people who claim not to be bothered by it. I am not one of them. Will never do that again. It was an experience to be had, but...no.)
But. Shaving is not difficult, and it's not like you have to do it every day. And...access. Active trimming is appreciated.
88: Me too. It's hard liking Manhattan.
anything endorsed by Jennifer Love Hewitt must be bad for society.
Wait, wait. Can't we just give her the credit she deserves for all her fine work in Party of Five?
I took me a few minutes to remember who Jennifer Love Hewitt is -- she originally debuted on a show that wasn't awfully bad (Party of Five) -- but right, The Ghost Whisperer. She wears absurd mascara or false eyelashes on that show, so it's ridiculous from the get-go.
A case of someone who didn't know where to go with her career, I guess.
the doctor who I previous loved went off on a big tangent about how hard it is to explain to your kids why those people play softball
So, um, forgive my naivete, but why exactly does the doctor have to "explain" this? Is the implication that his 11 year old kids are asking him why all the softball players are lesbians?
she loses her pubic hair due to chemo.
Merkin. I read that with all the period shows, such as Boardwalk Empire, complete with full frontal nudity, the merkin trade is quite robust. Authenticity in everything.
Vajazzling may be out, but perhaps henna?
Some people have terrible reactions to some henna formulations, so a teeny test portion in the sensitive area might be a good idea first.
will! I am sad. I would feel better, though, if you replaced that tear in your eye with a tear drop rhinestone at the corner of your eye. And also if you would explain this conversation in detail to any Latin Kings who might inquire.
JennyRobot, I had not thought of that. That is a sad thing. Pretty much all I can think of is henna, and...bedazzling. WAY TO SCREW WITH MY HEAD.
It's hard liking Manhattan.
Do you mean that Manhattan is hard to like? Or that life is hard for those who like Manhattan because they are scorned by all real Americans?
I like Manhattan. But I've only visited. If I lived there I suppose I would have to live in a cardboard box. That might be kind of fun except during the winter.
Authenticity in everything.
Not the Broadway production of Hair (of all things), I've read. Bah on Diane Paulus. (For that and other reasons.)
OH, wait. I just remember where I'd read abt the Kings recently. Let's pretend I didn't make that reference? Retracted.
88, 94: I'm sad, too, but also curious about what parts of Manhattan are okay with Halford.
It's not all that expensive if you're willing to live up in the frozen north with me and Smearcase.
101: Maybe it's hard liking Man-hattan. IYKWIM.
105: Or even in the subarctic with me!
87: I wish I were not the kind of person who dies a little at the success of people I think are grating, untalented, bad. Probably it is not a good personality trait, as they're not taking fame out of the hungry mouths of other, more talented people, so it's more about over-investment in my own aesthetic judgments than anything else. But like...with JLH and a few others (Jack Black, oy) it's a visceral reaction. I guess I could try meditation or something. "Hi, is this the Upper Manhattan Zen Center? Do you have a class that could conceivably relate to acceptance of the fame and popularity of Jennifer Love Hewitt?"
A case of someone who didn't know where to go with her career, I guess.
Hey, that hurts.
106: IDKWYM.
101: Oh, hating Manhattan is sort of a thing, and you are sometimes assumed to be a douchebag of some stripe if you love Manhattan.
I like Manhattan, though I was not one of the people in high school and college whose course was a flaming arrow pointed at the 100-- zip codes. I don't mind the materialism when it brings beautiful, rare, expensive things to town, and the city is full of churches and such for the times when the materialism loses its luster a bit.
110.1: It's too puerile to even explain.
Can we at least all agree to hate New Jersey.
112: JP is talking about man hats, the male equivalent of vajazzling. I prefer a bowler for day-to-day wear.
97: I didn't get that either.
And really, this conversation is not hard to have, either way. I remember my dad took me to a head shop in the Castro when I was 6 or 7 and I have a very clear memory of asking him, while we were on the bus, why those two men were holding hands. (I've told this story before, I realize.) He just said that they were together, the way he and my mom had been, and that was that. Nothing shocking! No discussion of sex, nothing age inappropriate! It was a minute long conversation, at most. I'm pretty sure answering my questions about the funny smell in the head shop was more stressful.
(On the other hand, I was already well aware that two women could be in a relationship, since after my parents divorced my mom and I moved in with a lesbian couple.)
New Jersey's actually pretty great in my book. Nice little state, good geology.
116: You've been reading McPhee, haven't you?
I'm sorry your kid is autistic, but shut the fuck up.
I realize that I called you a self-loathing vajazzler, but ouch!
Jack Black deserves many accolades for his work on Mr. Show. If he wants to be paid for being unfunny after that, I think it's ok.
I like McPhee! Especially the faux/true story about the restaurant couple in the middle of nowhere.
OK, let's figure this out. Things I really like about Manhattan:
My uncle's apartment, and friends and family generally
The USS Intrepid
The Frick
The Metropolitan and Natural History Museums
The NYPL and Morgan Library
Some dive bar on the lower East Side where I watched the 2002 and 2003 baseball seasons
Some other dive bar in the East Village which worked out extraordinarily well for collegiate age RH in terms of finding compatible women
The park at the tip of what I think is LB's neighborhood, where my friend lives
Some amazingly awesome sushi restaurant whose name I've forgotten
The way the Queensborough (sp?) bridge looks
That store (Russ and Daughters I think?) that sells awesome herring.
I secretly really like the subway but NO ONE IS TAKING MY BEAUTIFUL NEW GAS GUZZLING CAR AWAY FROM ME AND THIS MEANS YOU MATTHEW FUCKING YGLESIAS
Actually, that's kind of a lot of things I like a lot. Hmmm.
On the other hand, midtown has felt like hell to me during many a business trip, Manhattan is too full of itself and full of bankers, and I have a lot of hate to spread around.
120: I love McPhee. I will read all of his books, some day. (I'm moving through at a pretty good clip, come to think of it.) I have two favorite McPhee-reading experiences: Reading Basin and Range while flying over the Basin and Range; and meeting Eldridge Moores, having him tell me to read Coming into the Country, and then having my mom buy me a copy when she was in Alaska.
Wait, are we talking about the science of cooking McPhee? What?
Also, I would have lumped in Staten Island and parts of Long Island with Jersey. The axis of...I dunno. It's an axis, though.
109: Hey, that hurts.
I'm not sure what you mean. If, when confronted with a career stall, you decide that gluing false eyelashes to your lids, and glittery beads to your genital region, is the way to go, well ... everybody needs to make money, that's true.
Or did you mean something else?
Oh, no, I'm talking about John McPhee, not Harold McGee (of cooking).
As a Brooklynite, there is not much I love about Manhattan, but it is extremely beautiful when it's snowing very hard at night.
People from the provinces hate the capital and its inhabitants the world over; the greater the centralization, the stronger the hate.
Old subways have the same vile smell everywhere, and big cities getting in the way of or stinking up some meeting are just a fact. John Mcphee was right about the pine barrens, and I started writing this before being preempted.
113: Kraab will beat you. I would beat you, but I'm little and Kraab would be more thorough.
126: Ah. You are correct, I need coffee.
117: In the past I have, but also a lot of my own observation. A great day trip from NYC with kids is the old zinc mine in Franklin, NJ. Also Pine Barrens. The Meadowlands And yeah, the Palisades are under-appreciated--would be much more famous if they weren't worn out by millions of people looking at them as part of their every day life. The Jersey Cut.
120. 122. Count me as a McPhee fan as well.
98, 99: It's not like she needs to cover her pubic area, we were just thinking that since it's likely to be bald anyway, she might as well have fun with it. In other words, we are pointedly NOT THINKING about her losing her hair on her head. Thoughts of vajazzling are a great distraction!
130: I had coffee today and was reminded of why I can't drink it. I almost had a full-blown panic attack over something incredibly minor and I still haven't come down off my nervous high. (Which is why I'm commenting here like crazy.) I really need to remember not to drink coffee unless I am having a perfectly sane day.
121: Manhattan is too full of itself
Halford, aren't you an entertainment lawyer in L.A.?
Go ahead and hate on Manhattan if you wish, that's fine, but it's a little funny.
I probably should go Presidental for this one, but...I was born in New Jersey. I have tried to figure out a way around it, but Fort Dix apparently counts.
133: If anyone is entitled to a Vajazzle it is your friend.
Or did you mean something else?
More that the plastic gems tend to pull at my skin at awkward moments.
Ok, is it true that the New Jersey road test consists of maneuvering around orange cones in a parking lot, and you don't even have to park? And then they give you a license that you can use in any other state?
I know this because I recently, finally, took the NY road test (and, terrifyingly, passed; I am now an officially sanctioned menace), and my instructor informed me that if I screwed up and hit someone or something, I could just get a couple of bills mailed to me in Jersey and then dance among the cones there, quickly trading in the Jersey license for a NY one. "Like out of a cracker jack box," he said.
131: Ooh, all of that sounds fantastic. I need to get out and do a geology themed trip again soon. I haven't since, oh, last summer when I went camping at an old hydraulic mining site.
Ok, is it true that the New Jersey road test consists of maneuvering around orange cones in a parking lot, and you don't even have to park? And then they give you a license that you can use in any other state?
Um, no.
137: I believe that all woman are endowed by their Creator with the right to Vajazzle. Whether this is wise, prudent, or even sane, is another matter.
142 - I believe rfts' driver's test in Rhode Island consisted of driving around the block.
In NJ no one is even allowed to take the test until they are 17.
114: 112: JP is talking about man hats, the male equivalent of vajazzling.
Not even that clever. But you're right, have you really *looked* at a map of Manhattan? I propose that where the top of the penis attaches to the torso be called the Spuyten Duyvil (you know, because it comes up in conversation so frequently and it doesn't seem to have a name).
144: That wasn't the block. That was the state.
Parsi, I never claimed to NOT be an annoying hypocrite.
I don't know why I like going on stupidly about these regional rivalries, but I just love it so much. Plus, I'm trying to aviod getting into the scary vagina conversation.
I am relieved to hear this isn't true. I remain horrified at the overall inadequacy of road tests, however. My horror is a measure of the difference between the conditions of these tests, and then what happens in the minute you actually try to drive in NY.
I stalled out on the Sawmill the other day, for example. That was fun for everyone.
RH:
So now vaginas are scary? You are just like JHL!
Another John McPhee fan. It's a shame that McPhee-style literary non-fiction became a thing for people who are not fantastic writers, though.
scary vagina conversation
Vagina Dentata?
I think the revelation of unexpected vajazzling at a critical moment would seriously unnerve me. You wouldn't know what else to expect. It would be like going down on a jack in the box.
151: Oh god, is that true. I will cop to having tried to mimic it in a recent thing I wrote and it was even more atrocious than most of my blog comments.
We have very realistic road tests around here.
148.1: Parsi, I never claimed to NOT be an annoying hypocrite.
It's not annoying; I just don't understand the double-think, really.
The vagina conversation isn't very scary. Also.
The vagina conversation isn't very scary.
Until it starts talking back.
This is a fun little read on a misunderstood corner of New Jersey, The Meadowlands: Wilderness Adventures on the Edge of a City . I think the part on looking for the remains of the old Penn Station was published New Yorker or something like that.
159: Thanks for the rec. I love books like that and I should probably stop binging on YA fantasy.
158: There bad times for ventriloquism and very bad times for ventriloquism.
The book in 159 is pretty good and worth reading. For reals.
I found Vagina pretty scary, but James Cameron's Vaginas 2: The Spawning, where the vaginas can fly, is really kind of dumb.
There bad times for ventriloquism and very bad times for ventriloquism.
One time in Olongapo I saw a girl smoke a cigarette with her vulva. It did not inspire me to ask her for a date.
Heebie's original post is, surprisingly, yet another reason to be glad of the NHS. No government-paid doctor could talk like that, and if they did, you'd have someone to complain to.
And jesus christ - 11? That's a bit ridiculous.
162.last: The 3D in Avaginatar was amazing, though.
161: There are similarly bad times to mention hand puppets.
I believe rfts' driver's test in Rhode Island consisted of driving around the block.
A friend's mom was just telling me about her road test in RI circa 1955 -- lots of stopping and starting and parking and clutching on the big hill.
159: Awesome! I moved (along with my canoe) to the Meadowlands recently, and I will absolutely buy this book.
163: I've seen that right here in Durham, which made me think of the line about kissing a smoker being like licking an ashtray.
"I found Vagina pretty scary, but James Cameron's Vaginas 2: The Spawning, where the vaginas can fly, is really kind of dumb."
It's more the idea that the vaginas can live in both salt and fresh water that I object to.
I mean, ok. The devout Brooklynites I know and love spend plenty of time in Manhattan, so I don't think it's exactly about Manhattan itself. My guess is Brooklyn partisans associate Manhattan with people who never leave the borough or possibly the neighborhood, who are in their own way as provincial as anyone, as New Yorkers are not supposed to be. (I exonerate myself a little as someone who knows the city in a reasonably broad way.)
I lived in Park Slope for 2.5 years. It was fine. It was far from some stuff I like to do and was extremely strollery and I moved. I don't honestly think it's a lot different from Manhattan. It's a little safer and a little quieter with a lower quotient of chain stores, and the subway is a mess more often. Other parts of the borough have different advantages/disadvantages vis-a-vis specific parts of Manhattan, I'm sure. Williamsburg>UES but EV>Brooklyn Heights, you know?
I don't understand the appeal of Jennifer Love Hewitt. I find the average random person I pass on the street to be more attractive.
173: I think she's a barbie. doll. So whatever the appeal is there.
I don't understand the appeal of Jennifer Love Hewitt
She's a child star who grew big tits. Or what Parsi said.
This may have been covered already but I believe JLH's long-running television show might have had the most exclusively-female audience of any fictional TV show this decade save perhaps Drop Dead Diva. Of course the women who hate her no doubt outnumber the Ghost Whispering fans.
160 - Tell me about your YA reading habits, (). I've been thinking about getting The Boneshaker (the Kate Milford Ray-Bradbury-alike, not the stupid-sounding steampunk one).
Did anyone read Westerfield's Behemoth yet? How about Leviathan? If so, are they worth buying new?
Since some people are semi-dumping on Manhattan, I'm reminded of a discussion during which after further review I've decided we were all horribly wrong on the Internet. Context was a discussion of time zones and why coastal enclaves and New York in particular tend to have late-ish work hours. As I recall we all took it for granted that it made perfect sense for places with lots of evening cultural and entertainment options to have corresponding late hours for getting to work in the morning. This is in fact laughably and pathetically wrong along the same lines as farmers complaining that the cows don't know that the clock has moved forward or backwards for Daylight Saving Time. Sure there may be more to do in the time between getting off work, sleeping and getting to work the next day, but there is no necessary pressure due to that on things be earlier or later other than that which can be attributed to the vanity and pretensions of the so-called elites living in these locales.
Personally, I feel shame for having once faked an orgasm participated in such wrongy wrongness. Everybody else should feel the same.
And so to racquetball, I've got to get up early tomorrow for work.
old 182, new 182: Not me anyway...usually there's a dropped letter.
Ooh, YA fantasy! Paren, what have you been reading? I really don't recommend The Line, which is didactic dystopianism at its most civics lesson-y. Trying to think what else I've read lately.
Natilo, I haven't gotten to those yet. What did you think of Uglies and the rest? I thought they were enjoyable enough that I bought them cheap in paperback (hoping to pass on to some teen someday) but I'm more skeptical about Leviathan even though it's getting good reviews.
The other Westerfield books are sitting forlornly on a shelf, wondering whether I am ever going to read them.
From the link in 170: for reasons that tie back into the Playboy vs. Penthouse rant, which I'll spare you. For now., -Dr. B
So now can we hear it? Maybe as a FPP?
Yeah, Natilo, don't bother buying more until you've finished the ones you already have. Or, really, whatever makes you happy; I don't know enough to advise.
So, YA books. I think this is going to end up being embarrassing.* I've been rereading a lot of Robin McKinley; I also read Garth Nix's Abhorsen series,; then, Chima's Heir Triology; and I just started the first of the Mortal Instruments series. That last one, I'm pretty sure I won't continue with - it's not as odious as Twilight or anything but I feel like there's still something unsettling in it. (Plus, just not as well written as others.) I thought the Heir Trilogy built a convincing but twisted world. Nix is probably old hat for most people; I managed to miss him when I actually was a YA. Let's see, what else? I used to love Tamora Pierce back in the day so I also picked up some of her newer stuff, including the Trickster books. I enjoyed them. And then this isn't YA, but in the same vein I recently read Emma Bull's Territory (because god I loved War for the Oaks when I was a teen).
The book snarkout linked to looks fantastic. Any other suggestions?
*I read a lot of trash in there with the good stuff.
Garth Nix books are good. Basically I am allergic to any book that uses 150 different synonyms for "said", and mostYA books seem to go into that category. The comic fantasy novels of Robert Asprin became instantly unreadable when I noticed all the different verbs by which characters said things.
I knew a guy named "said," but he pronounced it differently.
190: A peeve of mine as well.
A averred,
B blustered,
C concurred,
D [?],
E ejaculated.
Or maybe not quite like that. I haven't read one of those novels in a while; forgive me.
FWIW, I liked the stupid-sounding-steampunk one.
Also, JLH gets a fairly large pass for me for her association with (not particularly her work in, but the association with) Can't Hardly Wait, the best teen comedy of the 90s.
188: careful, you don't want to inhale a sequin or choke on a bauble or wheeze around a rhinestone.
193.middle: Tom expansively enumerated.
Frothing forth few fertile phrases*.
*It counts, phonetically.
195: Good one. I'd probably suck at writing dialogue, since I lost steam at F. A person would have to make a study of these things -- when the verbs for "said" work (are non-intrusive) and when they don't.
I wrote a novel where everyone has asthma so I can use "wheezed" instead of "said."
I'd probably suck at writing dialogue, I'd probably suck at writing dialogue,
You did great, Tom fawned.
gabbed garrolously
harrumphed
intoned
joked
kidded
Augured, Barfed, Chortled, Demurred, Exhorted, Fluttered, Grumped, Hollered, Interjected, Joked, Kvelled, Laughed, Murmured, Needled, Opined, Piped, Queried, Riposted, Stuttered, Trilled, Uttered, Voiced, Wailed, Xhorted, Yodeled, Zoink'd.
Some, it must be said, much weaker than others.
Lamented
moaned
nattered on
opined
pronounced
quoted
responded
spat
tittered
ululated?
vocalized
whinged
x fuck you
yelped
z?
Some, it must be said, much weaker than others.
Fucking Social Darwinism everywhere I turn.
Fuck Social Darwinism before it fucks you.
parenthetical, have you tried Sherwood Smith's _Inda_ and sequels? Better than the other stories set in that world, and if you like it, there's a lot of it. Trollope and swords-and-sorcery fantasy, compare and contrast.
Mom and I discussed the conversation with the doctor at length. I'm somewhat mollified.
Mom's argument is that this is what people sound like on their way to becoming comfortable with gay people, and that she sounds like someone who was raised homophobic and is trying out words to sound more unbiased as she gets to know gay people.
I did actually speak up during the conversation itself. In case anyone doubted my commitment to making the world a happier place.
I'm reading a Harlequin Romance here. One of the high-brow versions. With Xtra Flailing.
189 - If you like Emma Bull, have you read the Will Shetterly YA books? They're not my thing, but de gustibus. I was reading Garth Nix's Keys to the Kingdom for a while, but I gave up around Wednesday.
210 is not to 209.
Your mom makes sense, heebie, and sounds a very smart woman. Not that the doc's off the hook -- she's a grown-up and I'm kind of unforgiving about homophobia -- but yeah, your mom may be right.
Huh huh, yeah. Your mom makes sense. Huh. Your mom.
I should likely stop watching Idiocracy.
215: no it is okay Sifu. Just remember that it is cautionary, not instructional.
"It's a tomato!" Moctezuma xitomatled.
"HUALAHUAHGAHAUAHA", Tom fuckfaced.
"Aaaaarggghhh!!!", Tom xenomorphed.
208, 212: I haven't read those. I'll have to take a look at both - I'd kind of like to stop reading the exceedingly popular but not particularly great ones that I've been picking up at Target and the like lately.
Also, what I've discovered is that while I still love the exact books that I loved when I was 14, things that are just "in the vein of ..." I may no longer like as I've realized just how silly all my beloved plots are. (I was really into the transparent wish fulfillment ones.) Though, like LB, I'll read unutterable trash all the time.
And, I'm kind of grumpy to realize that despite all the reading I did as a kid I missed out on some real classics, including The Wizard of Earthsea. (That's since been rectified, not to worry.)
"My balls are caught in the flower," Tom said testelilyly.
Your mom makes sense, heebie, and sounds a very smart woman.
I think so too!
Kraab will beat you. I would beat you, but I'm little and Kraab would be more thorough.
In point of fact, I will cut you. Worse, I won't let you ever come to the Pine Barrens. (Parenthetical to Parenthetical: You really should visit -- they're just beautiful.)
223 - Have you read tons and tons of Diana Wynne Jones? Daniel Sleator and Robert Cormier, and imagined your 11-year-old self getting freaked out? Lloyd Alexander? And Daniel Pinkwater, obvs.
Oo, transparent wish fulfilment. I wonder if I can get the Lymond novels on Kindle. That would be a bad idea.
128.1 -- Not the fucking capital. Of anything. More seriously, has the attrition level among DC commentariat reached crisis level?
On the PB, I've probably already mentioned a canoe trip on the Molluca that seemed for some stretches of time to be straight out of Deliverance. (Some years back, before I developed a Ned Beatty figure). Actual toothless hillbillies.
A great thing about being old, and being busy doing shit, is that one has no time to care about people like JLH. Sure she's blocking worthier starlets from moving up, but they're probably not that much worthier on any scale, so . . . Downside of age has to do with sex, but that's not really germane.
Downside of age has to do with sex, and death. But at least there will always be taxes ... thanks to Obama.
yet to read the comments, but am so infuriated, I have to add-- rid yourself of said 'doctor' NOW.
189: I just got Territory for a dollar, at the Dollar Store! Read the first several chapters, it's okay so far, but I need to get going on it again soon if it is to hold my interest.
149: Well, you're supposed to have some actual driving experience before you take the test. I was something of an anomaly, since I spent the summer before I got my license driving my Dad to and from work through NYC rush hour traffic. (Technically, my permit wasn't supposed to be valid within NYC, but my dad had a somewhat relaxed attitude towards what he considered overly-bureaucratic rules. The first day, I thought we were going to switch drivers before we hit the city line, but he told me not to bother and just keep going.) Anyhow, after cutting my driving teeth on NYC traffic, the actual test was decidedly anticlimactic.
Sorry to hear about your experience on the Sawmill. I hope it wasn't in one of those places with limited oncoming visibility.
227: No way you're going to see this, I'm sure, but just in case I'd like to say - thanks for suggestions, because beyond Lloyd Alexander I've read none of that.
Also, now I need to go to the Pine Barrens, because Sir Kraab told me too.
