Re: Wanna come upstairs and see my pejazzlings?

1

This is even more horrible to my imagination than vajazzling, because wouldn't it cut the fuck out of anyone you're having sex with? Right? And it's not like there are any other circumstances in which people are looking at my genitals. So why would I want them turned into a weapon?

Weaponized genitals are OUT.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 2:45 PM
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I guess this is entirely for the use of male strippers.

'Think of it just like a crystal tattoo - and it's less permanent than a real one,' he says.

How much less permanent?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 2:47 PM
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They can't possibly be sharp, can they? I mean, um, there are folding issues -- if you were gluing sharp things to your cock you'd have to be hard all the time or risk slicing yourself up.

Now I'm horrified.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 2:48 PM
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if you were gluing sharp things to your cock you'd have to be hard all the time or risk slicing yourself up

You know it.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 2:49 PM
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but it turns out adhesive rhinestone crystals are kinda expensive and start to add up after a while.

Yeah, it takes an exceptionally skilled jeweler to make the really, really tiny ones like that. But cool idea!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 2:51 PM
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wouldn't it cut the fuck out of anyone you're having sex with?
Not to mention burying the stray, loose crystal where it won't shine.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:01 PM
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Shine on you crazy rhinestone.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:03 PM
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Aw hell, just electroplate the thing.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:03 PM
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Apo, when people see your schlong, you are hoping they'll find themselves a screen and browser and go to your blog? That's the next step after viewing your magnificence? I'm not sure I understand your plan.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:04 PM
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You should've dropped the "www." rather than the ".com"; the address would still have worked.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:08 PM
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I'm assuming he used a transparent thermoplastic and named it "The Apo-plexi".


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:09 PM
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My thought was similar to Megan's, although it was more along the lines of 'wouldn't this make more sense if apostropher.com was an active website?' Who wants to send their lovers to visit a dormant blog?


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:09 PM
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nosflow got so excited at the thought of apo's pejazzled schlong that his reading comprehension suffered.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:11 PM
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10: "So I stopped after the .com"

12: Who said anything about lovers?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:14 PM
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Apparently I misread the post.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:23 PM
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15: next time try reading from tip to base.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:23 PM
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12: Who said anything about lovers?

As far as identifiable trademarks go, I don't think Zorro is going to be worried.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:24 PM
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Now in the right thread: I can't click through from my current location, but is there an edible version? Something like Pop Rocks or rock candy? Seems like a no-brainer.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:37 PM
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Damn, and I posted my response in that thread. Candy buttons, slightly damp. Make a million.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:38 PM
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Candy buttons, slightly damp. Make a million.

I can't watch at work but I believe this is the appropriate Margaret Cho clip.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 3:42 PM
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Weaponized genitals are OUT.

Tell it to the bedbugs.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 4:17 PM
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So how is one supposed to maintain the shaven state if you've got little bits of rock studding area? This should be a problem for the vajazzlings as well, no?


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 4:22 PM
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Laser treatment, teraz. It's only a couple grand.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 4:33 PM
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marginally safe-for-work image

I sometimes wonder about apo's work environment.


Posted by: politicalfootball | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 4:39 PM
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They stuck me back in a corner that doesn't get much through traffic, for some reason.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 4:46 PM
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I believe this is the appropriate Margaret Cho clip.

Indeed it is. The bit that I was thinking of starts at 3:50, but the whole clip feels like it's reasonably on topic to the OP.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 5:10 PM
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"Hey, is that a picture of a penis?" "Yes, but, it's covered with rhinestones." "Oh, carry on then."


Posted by: neil | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 5:13 PM
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"Hey, is that a picture of a penis?"

"Yes, family birthdays are so hard to shop for."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 5:48 PM
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So, do they separate when erect? Or do they overlap like shingles when flaccid? This sounds like "Do Your Ears Hang Low?".


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:20 PM
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Also your sputnik would just be called Jazzle.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:21 PM
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Squamous dongjazzle!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:23 PM
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Have you jewels on your junk?
Is jazziley your spunk?
Do they separate when hard?
Do they shingle when you're sunk?
Can you piss off other guys
by bouncing sunlight in their eyes?
Have you jewels on your junk?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:25 PM
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I'm with Ned in 2: this has to be for male strippers.

Also, am I wrong to think that the linked picture of a pejazzled schlong sports a disco-ball style decoration that's totally unlike vajazzling, which is more like little tiny shiny things, not a completely coated, uh, mons?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:26 PM
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32 kind of ruined that song for me, to the extent that "Top Secret" hadn't already done so.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:30 PM
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Let me make this sentence of the OP explicit:

I suppose I should note that the marginally safe-for-work [edit: that's, uh, maybe technically work-safe, but still probably not anything you want on your work screen. sorry.] image at the UnicornBooty link up there, while amusing, is not an accurate representation of the wares on offer.
From 2006--not seen anything earlier.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:46 PM
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35: Oh. "not an accurate representation." Sorry, I'd missed that.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:51 PM
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I can't believe this thread is already at 36 and no one is arguing about the quoted use of "reticent".


Posted by: E. Messily | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 6:54 PM
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Well, prescriptivism can be an explosive topic around here, so you know.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 7:03 PM
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37: Been there, done that.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 7:04 PM
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Been there, done that.

Psssht. When has that ever stopped us before?


Posted by: E. Messily | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 7:06 PM
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39: Wow. I confess I had not seen that thread before. Thanks.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 7:17 PM
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41: Yes, the thread was somewhat derailed, but not in the usual tiresome CT way.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 7:31 PM
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Few people realize it, but the procedure is actually covered under some health-insurance plans. Namely, those of Kaiser Spermanente


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 7:55 PM
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Gilding the willie?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 8:09 PM
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Moby wins.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 8:12 PM
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Important information. I am surprised!


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 8:13 PM
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"unless you count vajazzles everywhere as a problem."


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 8:34 PM
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I'm sure the CSI people did an episode where the solution was based on that.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 8:38 PM
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37 re that thread's OP, do read Gilman, do not read Priest. And contra Holbo, her second steampunk is worse than the first one.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 8:46 PM
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I miss felix commenting here.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 8:59 PM
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NMM to Macho Man Randy Savage.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 8:59 PM
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I've probably been pwned on that, since I haven't read that other thread yet.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 9:07 PM
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I miss felix commenting here.

Word. He was great.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-20-11 9:26 PM
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||

Anybody doing anything for the end of the world?

|>


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 1:22 AM
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re: 54

Pub lunch with some friends and their kids, nice stroll in the park after. Decent open space for our ascent afterwards, although I do worry about hitting the planes on the flight-path into Heathrow.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 2:56 AM
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your sputnik would just be called Jazzle.

I am actually surprised that nobody has figured out a way to make it glittery. Whitish-clear?!?!? Boring!

An explosion of glitter? Much more fun! And surprising!



Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 5:01 AM
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geez. I cannot spell. And, no, I was not trying to write Witt-ish.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 5:02 AM
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If you could pull out an apparently endless stream of little silk scarves, that'd be cool too.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 5:10 AM
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Even an obviously finite stream.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 5:36 AM
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54: Creating printed material for my work fundraiser tonight, going to see some puppet movies with friends, being depressed that all the fundies are still here.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 6:03 AM
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being depressed that all the fundies are still here.Just think how some of them must be feeling.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 6:26 AM
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It would be kind of great if they all got saved and we could get on with revising the curriculum in the public schools, and gay rights, and contraception and abortion access.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 7:00 AM
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62: Depends on the kind of Rapture this is: Pretribulationist, Prewrath Tribulationist , Seventh Trumpet Tribulationist, Midtribulationist, or Posttribulationist? I an thinking this is your basic Random Loon with Radio Stations Rapture.

I think Heebie's looking for one of these two kinds:

Some, including many Roman Catholic theologians,[citation needed] do not believe in a "time of trouble" period as usually described by tribulationists, but rather that there will be a near utopian period led by the Antichrist. Others[who?] describe themselves as "pantribulationists", believing that everything will "pan out in the end."[citation needed]
From this I conclude that Wikipedia editors/gatekeepers ain't what they used to be.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 7:24 AM
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It would certainly help on the jobs front.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 7:35 AM
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This Rapture is apparently scheduled for 6 p.m. local time, so it turns out that at most very few people east of about Iraq were goodly (but we knew that). Coming up on Jerusalem, though. Also none of the predicted earthquakes, but why waste them on those places where everyone is doomed (October 21st is the actual world end date).

Despite his latest prediction, as of 20 May 2011 Family Radio's website was offering special promotions which expired on 28 May 2011.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 7:35 AM
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||

Letmesee, where should I put this?

Apocalypse Now! ...FDL whatever

I am still keeping half-an-eye on Fukushima, and basically the situation just keeps going bad to worse. Reactor 1 is a confirmed meltdown and breach, 2 and 3 appear to be heading there, building no 4 is in danger of collapse. Saw one japanese source that shows temperatures in 1 2 3 are rapidly increasing. Paranoids are saying US gov't is suppressing radiation and contamination results. Berkeley says all copacetic, but nobody trusts them. OilDrum hasn't had a post since May 10, since before the meltdown confirmation and the CEO resignation.

This media blackout could be very bad news

|>


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 7:37 AM
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My doorbell rang a little while ago, and after a few moments of confusion trying to figure out who might be coming by on a Saturday morning, I thought "oh hell no, I'm not going to answer the door on the day crazy people think the world is ending." Sure enough, I just checked and found that they left a flier telling me how to get into heaven.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 7:39 AM
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58, 59: "Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my helmet?"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 7:40 AM
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and basically the situation just keeps going bad to worse. Reactor 1 is a confirmed meltdown


I'm not sure how being finally able to get workers into Reactor 1 and finding out that it melted down soon after the tsunami is 'getting worse'. This is more like the way in which a year or so after Three Mile Island it turned out that the disaster had been worse than reported in the first months. What it does indicate is that the authorities are likely to report the less damaging possibility when things aren't clear.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 7:56 AM
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We had the discussion at dinner last night that as much as seeing ecstatic people floating upward anytime would be surprising, alarming and require some agonizing reappraisal, it would be particularly so if you saw it today. Our already vanishingly low a priori probability of seeing that was reduced by this prediction.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 8:17 AM
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The Great Snatch.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 8:22 AM
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Is there a correlation between apocalypse-predictions and recessions? I don't remember any predicted dates getting this much press in my adult life, and the last few Wikipedia lists are 1992, 1993, and 1994.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 8:48 AM
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70,71:Mostly offtopic, but if anyone was talking of the rapture etc here is a link to a review D.G. Compton's old and outofprint sf novelAscendancies, in which random people one-at-a-time just disappear for no reason and never an explanation given. This actually has little to do with the main plot of the book, except as a source of unease, something that requires interpretation from the individual in order to create a meaningful world. Unlike like death, which fits, this just doesn't fucking fit, ya know. Don't worry about it, nobody reads him anymore, the Amazon page for the book even lacks a synopsis.

Speaking of sources of religious belief, I broke my Atkins and had a large Coke Tuesday to celebrate the Mavericks Finals. They won. Thursday, frustrated with my diet progress, I did not. Mavericks lost. If the Mavericks win tonight, then will you pagan atheists see the error of your ways, or will you just continue to ignore the stone-cold irrefutable empirical facts?


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 9:10 AM
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If I wasn't busy with all this other crap, I would have had a little viewing party of Michael Tolkin's The Rapture (1991). That movie is so badass.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 9:44 AM
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It would be kind of great if they all got saved and we could get on with revising the curriculum in the public schools, and gay rights, and contraception and abortion access.

I love this comment.



Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 9:48 AM
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OT: We're trying to think of a good drink for 6:01 pm when the world doesn't end. (If the world does end, I assume we'll be drinking Everclear to go blind as quickly as possible.)

Thoughts on names or ingredients?


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 10:35 AM
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The Gimlet-down?


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 10:59 AM
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77: me


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 10:59 AM
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74: Duchovny full frontal IIRC.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 11:06 AM
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when the world doesn't end

That wouldn't be until October 21st anyway. Get it right!
[This was an abbreviated re-enactment of my 8 years of attempting to get my head around whatever they were teaching in my church's Christian Education program.]

From an idea for a Heaven and Hell party:

• Drink names for Heaven can be: Heavenly White Chocolatini, Touched By An Angel, and Wing Spreader. Maybe fill a water cooler of White Sangria or rent a Champagne fountain filled with Ambrosia of sorts. Make Skyy of Clouds Jell-O shots with Skyy Melon Vodka and Berry Blue Jell-O then top with whipped cream for the clouds. Freeze a block of ice around a bottle of Sambuca (first pour out some of the Sambuca and add a little water and it will turn white). Call the shots, Wings of an Angel because it will give you wings!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 11:09 AM
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79 Duchovny

So 79 ¬ → 71


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 11:13 AM
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Hey y'all. I added a photo of the new tattoo to the Flickr group. Yes, I am very pale and there is still a bit of redness, so don't blow it up if that's gross, but you can see the design anyway.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 1:45 PM
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The roommate just sent a color-corrected version that makes me look less like a dead person.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 1:47 PM
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I didn't know that they would give tattoos to dead people.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 1:55 PM
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I love The Rapture. Though the line "I met the most interesting couple. They're from Pennsylvania." seems terribly funny if you're actually from Pennsylvania.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 1:58 PM
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Just last night I looked up how tattoos work, and apparently it has something to do with the immune system gradually attempting to grab all the foreign ink bits and pulling them deeper into the dermis. So By the time the damaged epidermis flakes away, the ink is embedded much deeper. Neat! I was wondering why I was really weary and dizzy last night, because I didn't lose much blood, but I think it's because my white blood cells are really busy right now.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 1:59 PM
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Turns out the only guy God wanted was Macho Man Randy Savage. I can sympathize.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 2:10 PM
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87: Don't give up on yourself, Halford, still a few hour 'til it gets to the West Coast. As an insurance policy we're going to see Mahler's Fifth tonight--one way or another I'm get transported.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 2:51 PM
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when the world doesn't end

That wouldn't be until October 21st anyway. Get it right!

I've been semi-pedantic about this in the last couple of weeks, but pedantry is surely beside the fact by this point.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 3:22 PM
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Does anybody have any sense of just how many people are signing on to this May 21st Rapture thing? From the media coverage, you'd think thousands, if not tens of thousands, believe, but I keep suspecting it may be only a few hundred, if that.

Some of the coverage -- an NPR story, and a recent NYT piece -- on the matter is pretty grim: parents declining to plan not just for their own futures, but for that of their kids, and so on. I've begun to feel really badly for them.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 4:07 PM
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90.2: The kids could still go to state college.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 4:18 PM
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Yes, but, yes, but! Not if they have to struggle even to take the SATs! The NYT says that Harold Camping's organization is worth $56++ million. Good grief.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 4:29 PM
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When I was in high school, nobody took the SAT. It was all ACT. To take the SAT, I had to drive 18 miles. Mom and dad let me take the good car.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 4:34 PM
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Is there a correlation between apocalypse-predictions and recessions?

Well. there was the Great Disappointment of 1844, coming shortly after the depression of 1839-43.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 4:35 PM
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94: The Great Disappointment was followed by the Don't Worry, It Can Happen to Anyone of 1845.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 4:37 PM
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Harold Camping's organization is worth $56++ million

I'm kinda wondering if they bought all their billboards on credit, not expecting to have to pay up after the rapture came. I won't be surprised to hear of them going broke when the bill comes due.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 4:37 PM
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96: You think? I haven't actually seen any of these billboards, but I take it they're blanketing parts of the nation I don't frequent. That many of them, that $56 million in assets and $34 million in investments would be wiped out? That's .. an awful lot. Maybe billboard advertising is more expensive than I think it is.

I can't decide if Camping is a shyster, or sincere.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 4:53 PM
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OT: We don't have a political thread going at the moment, so I put this here.

There's a very good post up at Balloon Juice by Kay on the creeping disenfranchisement of young voters, in particular, by the Republican machine.

Of note is the phenomenon we've hopefully already noticed of off-the-shelf legislation being crafted by conservative organizations and peddled to states for introduction to their respective legislatures, which has, as Kay notes, resulted in a rash of similar legislative moves in multiple states. One ALEC is of interest here.

This from the DLCC on the GOP's War on Voting Rights may capture it best.

All of those links are available at Kay's post. Maybe we could have a separate post about this here, if there's any interest.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 5:38 PM
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82. AWB, the flourish is beautiful! Also beautiful: the haircut. It really suits.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 6:00 PM
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Their website is not responding. Could just be traffic (it was apparently very slow the times it was available today). Guardian headline: "World doesn't end: California prophet had no Plan B", Harold Camping spent millions of dollars telling the nations it was the end of days; now his followers may need counselling. So apparently they did spend ~$100M in part by selling some radio stations.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 9:24 PM
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82: The tattoo looks great, but the picture itself looks oddly like the one Ogged posted right after his kidney surgery.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 9:30 PM
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I wouldn't be surprised to learn he was selling promotional materials, posters, books, etc. to his followers at a ruinous markup. But yes, that billboard-purchasing couldn't have been just from the gullible, given that some stations were sold.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 9:39 PM
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Has anyone else noticed that Moby is killing it of late? Straight killing it.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 10:29 PM
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99: Thanks, jms! I'm oddly pleased with how both turned out.


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 10:41 PM
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103: Yes.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 11:23 PM
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Also, what jms said. I looked it up in the book to show it to Mrs. K-sky, who liked it very much.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 11:33 PM
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The tattoo is great. And I'm not usually one to find tattoos appealing in the least.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 11:33 PM
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Thanks!


Posted by: AWB | Link to this comment | 05-21-11 11:45 PM
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||

This is so unbearably sad.

"I was hoping for it because I think heaven would be a lot better than this Earth," said Mr Bauer, a tractor-trailer driver, who took the week off work for the voyage.

|>


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 6:47 AM
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109 me.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 6:51 AM
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What's sad is that so many of these people are going to persist in their error, despite having had this opportunity to see the falseness of their delusions.

Well, someday religion will perish. Might not be for quite awhile, but it will happen.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:35 AM
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No, it won't.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:38 AM
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Heat death of the universe.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:52 AM
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Oh bull. We will always indulge our irrationality, instinct, and materiality as an escape. Then we socialize it then we rationalize it.

Formally, I see little difference between a Thai Gourmet club, an endtimes cult, and Unfogged.

In a way, I don't care what particle physicists, Democrats, Mormons, or Rocky Horror fans believe or value. That is not the point. For me, although obviously and emphatically not for them.

People never listen when I say fuck policy and reasoned argument:You're a longhorn Democrat, and they're a Sooner Republican. Kill.

Some kind of divided loyalty problem, I guess.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 10:34 AM
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It's been so quiet around here today that I was beginning to think that the unfoggeditarians had been raptured.

Maybe they have and B. Mcmanus and I alone have been judged unworthy.


Posted by: AcademicLurker | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 10:42 AM
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No, it's like this.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 10:48 AM
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From the link in 116:

On checking around, I found out that the normative description for a satanic attack is exactly the same as the normative description for a sudden natural downdraft, and one told the former from the latter by context. Like, if it happens in the vicinity of a lone woman in the forest, then that's the satanic attack. Otherwise it's just a meteorological event.

This reminds me of a fascinating account I read, but I have no idea where or by whom now, from a Western developed-country man staying with some non-Western, non-developed country people: the latter had a habit of putting out bowls of rice (I think) daily next to certain buildings and trees, in order to ensure a plentiful harvest. When they did not put these bowls out regularly, harvests were poor: proof that the offerings worked. The rice bowls were empty by day's end, so.

The reporter/observer snuck around and sat around observing the bowls of rice throughout a day, and saw that ants (I think) were making treks to and fro, eventually devouring all the rice. Turned out the ants would have decimated the crops had they not been fed. (I think the ecological food chain was a little more complex than that, but same idea.)

The narrator's conclusion of course wasn't: Boy were those people stupid! but rather: Wow, they figured it out a long, long time ago, and made it all work. He came out of it with a great admiration for these people.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 11:14 AM
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118

And all the people got syphilis.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 11:43 AM
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Do you know what you get when you feed ants?


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 12:26 PM
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Pregnant.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 12:37 PM
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119: More ants. I once agreed to watch somebody's apartment while they were away for the summer. I went in, maybe a week after they left, and saw a trail of ants going under the door. They were marching like in a nature documentary except right to this guy's fruit bowl filled with apples that were apparently going to be a welcome home snack come August.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 12:43 PM
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I don't get 120.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 12:51 PM
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You either get syphilis or you get pregnant.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 12:54 PM
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Oh, right. Although now I don't really get 118.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 12:57 PM
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I once agreed to watch somebody's apartment while they were away for the summer which in itself is not so disturbing.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 1:04 PM
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||

Google attests absolutely zero Wittgensteinians expressing their state of arousal by describing parts of their body as being harder than the logical "must".

|>


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 2:04 PM
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125: Then, once they were back, they asked if I would read them a story and tuck them in at night.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 2:41 PM
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126: That's called "Must must".


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 4:09 PM
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Random notes, because I'm bored:

- I've continued to throw paper away (from offa my desk), and man is it good, though a tad depressing, given that some of this stuff goes back to 2008, and some of it's actually interesting.

- We now have the rudiments of a garden: tomatoes, peppers, basil, marigolds (companion planting), green beans, swiss chard. The beans are of the pole variety, something not tried before -- in the past we've had bush beans. The swiss chard is a case of my housemate winning a small argument.

We have this rudimentary garden this year because our local CSA went the way of the dodo, and in a grim fashion. We haven't needed to grow on our own for a good 4-5 years, and now we're a little rusty about it all.

- It seems that the tripping-and-falling-over-the-rug I did a week or two ago has resolved to an inability to squat: did something to my calf muscle, and while a small, occasional limp remains, it turns out that squatting -- say, to look at things on a bottom shelf -- is excruciating. I don't know what's up with that.

That's all.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:04 PM
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Sorry about your limp. As for me, I'm drinking rye whiskey for no other reason than it was a dollar off at the store.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:16 PM
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As for me, I'm drinking rye whiskey for no other reason than it was a dollar off at the store.

There's got to be some other reason you're drinking it. I doubt you'd be drinking lighter fluid if that had been a dollar off instead.


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:18 PM
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The liquor store doesn't even sell lighter fluid.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:23 PM
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Also, I saw the Goodyear blimp today. This was well before I drank any lighter fluid. It looked like it was flying over East Liberty.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:32 PM
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||
So, when the tornado sirens were going off this afternoon, I was watching The Matrix (Larry and Andy Wachowski, 1999), on videocassette, when the TV turned off for a moment without any intervention on my part, and then turned on again. No other devices, including the VCR and DVD player, seemed to be affected. So I thought, huh, that's odd, perhaps I should go and check the weather report. So I did, and it was pretty clear that the tornadoes would swing north of my location. But still, if I was a superstitious person, that would have weirded me out.

I realize it is not completely rational, but now that we have had a couple of real tornadoes touch down in Mpls. in the last couple of years, I am going to take the sirens more seriously. Apparently our urban heat island or whatever is less reliable at deflecting tornadoes than I had previously believed.

||>


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:36 PM
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The liquor store doesn't even sell lighter fluid.

A proposition open for debate, Shirley.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:36 PM
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I have a Zippo, but no 151 rum, if that's what you want me to try. Everclear is better, but illegal here.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:39 PM
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That is, Everclear would be a better test of whether or not that store sold lighter fluid because is closer to pure ethanol than 151 rum.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:48 PM
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Thank goodness you clarified that!


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 5:57 PM
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134: It's my understanding that nothing about urban areas deflects tornados, and they rarely get hit simply because they don't take up much area.


Posted by: Eggplant | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 6:02 PM
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134, 139: Apparently, you are both right. Except that Eggplant seems right in a more useful way.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 6:20 PM
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Surely urban areas take up just as much space as rural areas of similar size.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 6:24 PM
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That sounds like a job for calculus.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 6:28 PM
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OT: How did gmail decide that some of my email messages of the past week were important?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 6:36 PM
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I had moonshine last night. It did not taste like lighter fluid but rather peaches.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 6:57 PM
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I have a bottle of peach eau de vie right here.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:07 PM
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133.1: And it said "Moby Hick's a pimp"?


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:08 PM
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I suppose I should note that I did not go blind. Yay, no lead poisoning!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:09 PM
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144: If you drank it from her shoe....


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:13 PM
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Also, methanol poisoning is "I went blind after moonshine" thing.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:14 PM
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I thought it was lead. Huh.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:15 PM
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143: I don't know, but I told it to knock that shit off. I'LL decide which of my emails I don't want to read, thank you very much. Stop bossing me around, Google!


Posted by: E. Messily | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:16 PM
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The link in 128 is great.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:18 PM
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As far as I can tell Gmail is now marking every new email I receive as important.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:20 PM
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150: Lead is still a problem, but the fact that you didn't go blind doesn't mean you didn't get lead poisoning.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:21 PM
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Fuck, there's really lead in my moonshine? Why exactly?


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:22 PM
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Yeah, why would there be lead in moonshine?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:25 PM
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Flavor?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:28 PM
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Because if you use a car radiator as a condenser (or any other similar short cut like that), the connections were made using lead or lead-based solder.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:29 PM
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I'd never heard that either. But for instance, "Lead poisoning risk for 'hooch' drinkers" .

As to the source of the lead in the samples, car radiators are commonly used as stills for moonshine production and these are modified using copper piping and barrels and all sealed together using lead soldering.

Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:32 PM
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hmm...


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:32 PM
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159: You expected the free market to fix the problem.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:32 PM
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Fuck. Would a hardware store lead-test kit (like you can buy to test your wall paint) work on moonshine?


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:36 PM
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Don't drink wall paint, regardless of what the test says.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:43 PM
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At this point I firmly believe urple is impenetrable to poison.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:52 PM
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Here they suggest it will work. But I'm most intrigued by their tip #1:

Research the person who made the moonshine, if you haven't made it yourself. Make sure it is someone you trust and cares about your safety [emphasis added].


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 7:57 PM
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165: That says you can test the equipment, not the moonshine. I wonder if you don't need a more sensitive test for the actual moonshine.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:00 PM
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166: Ah yes, mine would not be close reading. I got hung up on the, "Remember kids, don't take moonshine from people who don't care about your safety." part.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:04 PM
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Purportedly there's some guy in the Valley who hangs laundry out front whenever he's got moonshine for sale.

Seems likely to cause the occasional awkward conversation. "Naw, man. Socks were just dirty."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:05 PM
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I don't think I could find moonshine if I wanted some.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:09 PM
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I should probably go to sleep. I started with the wikipedia page on moonshine and am currently reading about the numbers racketeers of Pittsburgh's past.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:13 PM
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The guy from whom I buy my moonshine has very few teeth. I don't think he would intentionally harm anyone, but I do certainly worry that (i) he might not realize he could be creating issues with lead, and (ii) he might not be the type to worry much about a little lead, even if he's aware of it. But hot damn is it ever delicious. I'm really conflicted about learning this. I wonder if he would be offended if I took some lead tests to his bathtub "factory".


Posted by: urple | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:23 PM
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I wonder if he would be offended if I took some lead tests to his bathtub "factory".

You must be the deranged you wish to see in the world.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:27 PM
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172: And how.

171: If you've been to his factory, you can probably get a pretty good idea by looking to see if his still looks like a car radiator. Also, if it tastes good, he probably does care about something and has a real still. Also, what kind of a moonshiner lets some guy go to his factory.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:31 PM
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I'm pretty sure I could find moonshine, but it would probably be after at least a couple of uncomfortable conversations.

Sorta, kinda tangentially related: Watching Serpico (Sidney Lumet, 1973), and thinking about the amount of bribes that Frank Serpico is offered during the mid-to-late 1960s. His first bribe is an envelope with $300 in it. When he transfers to a new precinct in the Bronx, he is told that he can depend on $800 a month for his cut of the shakedown money from the local bookies. From what I can tell, it seems very unlikely that even with a few years seniority, Serpico would have been making any more than $800 per month for his actual legitimate salary, and perhaps even a bit less. The economics of this just seem way off. First of all, it would be pretty hard to conceal, from anyone who was actually interested, that you were twice as rich as you were supposed to be. Especially if everyone else in your precinct was also twice as rich as they were supposed to be. I realize NYC is expensive, and no doubt a lot of that graft money would have gone to gambling and drinks and the sex industry, but still, it seems like things would get way out of whack, really fast.

My other thought is that, if this was an accurate representation of how much money a single precinct was taking in, just from shaking down bookies, that we really are living in relatively crummy and impoverished times. What do NYC cops make now, like $40some thousand to start? A little bit less? If they were taking in that much again in bribes now, that would be amazing.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:31 PM
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174 - You should read Boss, Mike Royko's history of Dick Daley's Chicago. When Ed Kelly, an earlier mayor of Chicago, died in 1950, they found a million dollars in small bills in his safe deposit box. (Things like five million dollars in "cost overruns" for Soldier Field didn't come cheap!)


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:43 PM
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174: Are you saying what would that be in today's money? Because I think hiding $3K/month would be relatively easy, if you were smart about it. Or maybe you're just assuming someone would get sloppy at some point.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:44 PM
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176: I guess it is partly the amount, but moreso the degree to which it was widespread. I mean, yeah, I could probably spend $3K a month surreptitiously, or save a good deal, either laundering it or just squirreling it away as in 175, but the idea that ALL the plainclothes cops were doing this seems to make it more excessive.


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:48 PM
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As far as I can tell Gmail is now marking every new email I receive as important.

The idea is that you'll tell it which of those aren't important (by de-marking them), and it will learn over time to more accurately deploy the markers. I, too, turned off that function.


Posted by: Blume | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:49 PM
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178: Basically, it marked messages from my wife and from my boss. That's not inaccurate, but also not a stunning algorithm.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:53 PM
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177 - Don't forget that Serpico worked Vice; I'd imagine that the dudes in homicide or robbery weren't clearing thousands of dollars a year in bribes. So, apparently the going rate in protection money for a New York whorehouse was $250 - $1000 a week in 1981. It's surprisingly difficult to figure out what a gay bar or strip club had to pay in protection money in Frank Serpico's time.


Posted by: snarkout | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 8:55 PM
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That's not inaccurate, but also not a stunning algorithm.

Mine seems to be marking everything except Facebook notification e-mails. Which, yeah, pretty much the same conclusion.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-22-11 9:17 PM
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181: I even had a Facebook notification marked.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 6:18 AM
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182: Google is trying to tell you something about your correspondents.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 6:21 AM
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I even had a Facebook notification marked.

So did I, and it was a random comment from my second cousin. (Er, my grandma's first cousin. That's my second cousin right? I always screw that up.)


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 10:49 AM
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Your grandma's first cousin is your first cousin twice removed.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-23-11 10:52 AM
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