Is this spate of posts a cry for help?
You would not believe the amount of shit I have to do.
Whee, Santa Barbara. (Can't watch just one Youtube video --the setting of some of her others is clear.)
Back to putting things in boxes.
I'm pretty sure three "penises" and a "vagina" just gets you a PG. Three penises and a vagina, on the other hand...
...gets you your own hour-long special on the Discovery Health channel.
I like that it's not that Mommy doesn't have a penis; she doesn't have any penises.
8: Compared to the first POTUS. She's a pretty sharp kid.
Mama don't allow no penis-packers 'round here.
Said Mama don't allow no penis-packers 'round here.
Every parent in the English-speaking world must have had this exactly conversation with their children, the word "pagina" included.
My nephew, on joining my sister in the bathroom, observed that she had fur on her penis.
11 is absolutely correct. I'm betting that this is the first child of the parents who made the movie, otherwise they wouldn't have found the conversation so remarkable.
The best you can hope for is that the conversation doesn't happen in the middle of the grocery store.
14: My youngest went through a roughly month-long phase when he was two years old during which the first thing he told literally every person he encountered (family, friends, strangers on the street or at the grocery store) was "my daddy has a BIG HUGE penis!" If I was there, this was usually phrased in terms of an introduction: "This is daddy. He has a BIG HUGE penis!"
15: That's reason to have kids right there. You can just look slightly embarrassed and say "You know kids. It's true, though."
Urple slid him candy every time this happened.
15: He probably just wants to be sure you don't spend all the college money on the first ones.
I can't believe you never told that story before. I think that may be the funniest parenting story I've ever heard. I'm still laughing at it.
The "if I was there" makes me think he did when only mom was present. That must have been really fun for her.
went through a roughly month-long phase
So, you took showers at the pool and he got more data and that was that?
The words penis and vagina don't exist to my niece's and nephew's vocabulary. It's "poodles" and "kitty cats". This also leads to hilarity, but seems to have eliminated the VERY LOUD questions thereof in line at the grocery.
My son had a phase where he would see something and start shouting out syllables that rhymed with it. I think he had just figured out how rhyming worked. He had a knack for finding all the wrong things in crowded places like grocery stores. "Look daddy, that's Tigger! Tigger bigger digger jigger kigger ligger migger . . ."
My son has taken to telling strangers not to smoke. So far he's lectured a burned out man in a bus shelter, a sullen teen outside pizza shop, and young female hipster.
20: Wasn't that thread of similar stories linked here a few years ago? The punchlines to the best ones were:
>
"Don't hit me with your big dick, Daddy!"
and
"Daddy, remember that time you were peeing in Mommy's mouth?"
Mara just points out no smoking signs rather than lecturing smokers, but I'm extra glad we insisted on "vulva" since no one at the grocery store cares if she's whining about how "the cart a-hurt me my bulba!"
She has switched to "bottom" (or, I guess, "bollom") rather than the "buh-butt" she used when she moved in with us. I'm really curious to know whether she came up with that herself or someone explicitly taught it to her.
26 might actually be funnier than the sex ones though.
The nice thing about small children is how unabashedly they deal with itchy butts.
26: I'd be likely to blow a big lungful of smoke in his face but, in my defense, I'm an asshole.
30: Moby no longer has to scratch his own butt.
31: They were all pretty nice about it, except the hipster who didn't notice or was very good at pretending not to notice.
That's reason to have kids right there. You can just look slightly embarrassed and say "You know kids. It's true, though."
Infants are underrated as wingmen.
Is the link in 35 as ominous as its url suggests?
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I'd be likely to blow a big lungful of smoke in his face but, in my defense, I'm an asshole.
Word. I've had talks along those lines with my kids. "People who nag others about smoking should have a cigarette put out on them. The world's a shitty place and smoking is probably one of the few joys that person has left."
my children wanted to lecture family members on smoking and I told them it's never acceptable for children to tell grownups what to do, so they can't.
42: Oh, they are going to be so punk rock. (Or, at the very least, totally Hessians.)
How fucked up is it that this has been the Slacker quote that's been going through my head for the last couple of days? http://www.austinchronicle.com/features/2011-08-26/30-things/
Morphic field resonance man, I'm telling you.
44 I recently used "every commodity you create is a piece of your own death" as a status update and got some puzzled responses. Maybe my favorite line in the movie though it's hard to choose and there's no real reason to. I guess I'll read the article and see if it makes me insane with nostalgia.
This entire thread is hilarious but, being a dull person, I'm sort of stuck on "why vagina--->pagina?" I can see maybe fricatives are harder to say than stops and labiodental comes along later than bilabial (which is not a vagina joke and which autocorrect wants to change to "cilantro"...I'm going to name him Cilantro) but why's it devoice? Kids can say /b/ easily enough.
56: Dullness bros!
I'd say because while not a pronunciation challenge, the voiced/unvoiced distinction is a subtle one to detect and keep track of at an early age.