You could cut 60% of your hair and go as someone who holds Greek bonds.
If it must be an OWS theme, I'd probably go with Muppets and "Occupy Sesame Street." It'd be easier to concoct costumes and signs that make the joke discernible.
My prom dress was a 30s era black silk sheath dress with art deco beading. That sucker has been repurposed for all sorts of costumes, but usually I just say "Zelda Fitzgerald."*
*I'm really intolerable, huh?
I've added mine to the pool but it definitely wouldn't translate to other years or to Kraab and M/tch.
Mara is insisting on being a ladybug again this year. (She came to us the day before Halloween last year and her birthday's the day after, so it was extra memorable.) She also decreed that I should be a butterfly and when I pressed her on Lee's costume, decided ant. Lee and I have bought headbands with antennae, but I've done Mara's hair so that she can have two little antennae puffs where they belong, which I think will be super cute.
And if you're going for rich folks from New Yorker cartoons, there's always the group that fascinated and baffled me as a child.
I'm really intolerable, huh?
Ha! A grad school friend of mine would always wear her prom dress and declare that she was going as Isabella Stewart Gardner, when she clearly just wanted to wear a nice dress. Hers wasn't particularly vintagey or cool at all, though-- it sounds like your dress begs to be worn.
This year I'm going as Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack. I took a black dress and attached silver buttons buttons buttons down my back back back.
This year I'm going as guy making sure Harry Potter says "trick or treat" and "thank you".
"We are the 99% of people who turn on the lights when they enter a dark room."
7: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS???
O. is going to be an Adipose. For pretty much no one's amusement but our own.
I think the Trans-Lux crowd would be great. You could prepare contemporary or pseudo-contemporary signs/slogans too:
NO GOLD STANDARD, NO PEACE
SHOW ME THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE, FRANCESCO DELANO
PLENTY OF JOBS IN THE FRUIT RETAIL SECTOR
10: At various points I've thought I should incorporate an elephant, elephant, elephant, a jump rope jump rope jump rope, and/or an American flag flag flag. In the end I bet my laziness will win, win, win.
Dress in police uniforms with white shirts and pepper spray people.
My local costume store had EACH of (1) "Sexy Lawyer"; (2) "Sexy Legal Secretary" and (3) "Sexy Judge.". Now I just need Sexy Client and Sexy File Clerk and I can recreate my entire work life in sexy format.
16.last: Certainly better than recreating your sex life in work format.
Just need the Cursive Court Reporter.
If you're a middle aged guy and somehow thin, you could carry around an inflatable woman while shouting "Winning!" and be Charlie Sheen. If you're an old guy, you could walk behind looking worried and embarrassed for a Martin Sheen costume.
16: And we can all be Sexy Pretend Internet Friends.
And we can all be Sexy Pretend Internet Friends.
That's easy for you to say, who still fits in her prom dress.
I need a sexy nurse to come bring me some sexy aspirin for this supersexy headache I've got going on.
16: sexy legal secretary? How is a woman in this costume distinguished from a woman dressed as any other kind of sexy secretary?
(Look at her briefs.)
Oh, right.
22: Ah, Knecht's prom dress is a sad puppy hanging all alone in his closet.
I know, Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy.
Meanwhile, a dose of Unfogged hi hat madness.
the collective wisdom of the Mindshaft.
Mindshaft?? Is that like the brain stem or something?
When people say "this year I'm going as...", where exactly do they mean? Does everyone other than me go to wild Halloween parties every year? Or are you just dressing up in order to pass out candy at your front door?
I haven't dressed up for Halloween since I last went to a wild Halloween party. That was in 2003.
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Fucksake. Tear gas, rubber bullets, flash grenades clearing out Occupy Oakland. Police emailed people not to come to work downtown yet.
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It's weird, I biked to work parallel to Broadway, two blocks offset, and saw/heard nothing. But a co-worker says she saw a big police convoy on the next closest street to Broadway.
I keep forgetting there is a whole different Oakland in California.
29: I usually end up taking the kids to some sort of Halloween thing, where it wouldn't be insane to wear a costume myself. But I don't, because I hate fun.
35: No, they occupied downtown instead of Oakland.
I don't, because I hate fun
Solidarity, sister!
And we can all be Sexy Pretend Internet Friends.
Blog and Troll would be good costumes for a couple, or perhaps a parent and small, hectoring child.
39: I've seen a couple go as hemorrhoid and Preparation H.
It must have been a great deal of work, but the hemorrhoid would have been completely indiscernible without the tube labeled 'Preparation H' walking next to him.
Blog and Troll would be good costumes for a couple, or perhaps a parent and small, hectoring child.
Or adult + tame half-wit.
I will be going as Harried Parent for the fourth year in a row, but the kids, when asked to pick their favorite characters from their favorite book, said, "Subways!" So they're going as the J train and the E train.
(At their preschool Don't Call It A Halloween Party Fall Ball, E was one of only two female children not dressed as a princess, which made me rather proud.)
I want to see Godwin's Law as a costume.
44: Why would a school hide the name Halloween? Do they think it's religious? Or do they worry it's Satanic?
46: Apparently NAEYC accredited child care centers aren't permitted to acknowledge any holidays at all.
30: Police emailed people not to come to work downtown yet.
"hi its the police we r totally wailin on those hipppie freaks downtown today so like dont cum down here if u no whats good for u. kthxbi"
My daughter's school doesn't do Halloween & specifically asks us not to send them in costume. I guess they're still hungover from Sukkot-Shemini Atzerat-Simchat Torah.
49: When the G-20 protests were happening in the regular-Oakland, the university sent around text messages and email that basically said, "Don't go to Schenley Plaza and see all the exciting things happening there."
Yesterday on my way to work I was speculating about what percentage of US police officers would answer in the affirmative if asked "Would you fire on an unarmed, peaceful crowd of protestors if ordered to by your superiors?" I think the percentage answering yes would rarely be below 30%, and in certain periods [1968-1973, 2001-2005] probably be up around 90%. If you specified less-lethal munitions, I think you would rarely get below 85%. Probably nearly 100% a lot of the time.
Excuse me, I think a city with 400,000 people is a better candidate for "the regular Oakland" than a neighborhood with 22,000.
I think you're smoking crack, assuming the question was phrased like that -- I'd expect to get no yeses, a lot of noes, and a whole lot of requests to clarify the question to figure out why the superiors were giving the order.
Apparently NAEYC accredited child care centers aren't permitted to acknowledge any holidays at all.
"Always winter, and never Christmas."
At their preschool Don't Call It A Halloween Party Fall Ball, E was one of only two female children not dressed as a princess, which made me rather proud
I have posted this before, but here for future costume reference is a photo of a 100% authentic princess.
When's the last time you heard about US cops refusing to fire plastic bullets or tear gas at a demo? Pretty much never. They usually don't fire lethal ammunition 'cause they know they'd get in trouble with the hierarchy, but if they were asked to, I bet they would.
It's like a friend of mine said once: Imagine you're a hunter. And you go out hunting 5 or 6 times a week for 20 years, but you never even get to shoot at a deer. Wouldn't you be looking for just about any excuse to take down that 12-point buck if you had one in your sights?
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Only in America!
http://www.grist.org/list/2011-10-14-wisconsin-town-wants-to-outlaw-biking-and-walking
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53: "There is no there there."
56.2: If I got paid the same money regardless, I don't think I'd care much either way.
Also, 58 was me. I'd meant to put in the email but forgot.
I once saw a police officer not shoot when I thought his life was in danger.
Is that old statistic about the majority of cops never discharging their weapon true? I thought lots of people, even soldiers under fire, won't shoot unless they've been trained in automatic, reflexive, near-thoughtless firing. Which cops haven't. I dunno what I'm talking about, so.
Oakland is being so, so stupid. Is there a city in the US where a harsh police crackdown is less likely to (a) be popular and (b) not produce an organized, possibly violent reaction? It's like the city took too many drugs and forgot about essentially every incident of the past 80 years.
Not to mention that the goals of OWS and the local Oakland city government -- soak the banks -- are almost perfectly aligned.
56: I'd actually guess that the number of police who would fire into a peaceful crowd if ordered to is higher than the (I'd guess insignificant) number who'd say they would, but that it's still very low. People will do screwy things if told to, and 'peaceful' is harder to be sure of in practice than it is in a hypothetical -- someone might think there was good reason for the order that they just hadn't seen. (I can't think of circumstances under which that would be a reasonable thing to think, but I don't think it's all that unlikely.)
I don't understand the pantlessness of 5.
How many incidents in US history are there of police firing live ammo into an unarmed crowd? Kent State? (not police). You'd think if this was a desire 90% of coppers held in their heart of hearts it would come up more.
Anything from the Civil Rights era? Police dogs set on protesters, certainly, clubbing protesters with nightsticks, also, but I can't think of any openly committed police shootings of protestors. I could very easily be forgetting something famous, though.
Though I'm responding to the early Halloween comments in the thread instead of the current discussion, please let the record reflect that I hardly ever support shooting unarmed protestors.
Nothing's coming to my mind either. You could count Pinkerton/Union battles in the teens and twenties, I guess, but those weren't really cops either.
Yeah, I have no idea why Oakland didn't extend welcomes like LA did. Well, maybe I do: it was serving as a sanctuary for some homeless, and everybody hates them (the mayor's statement talks about the encampment being unable to maintain sanitation and prevent vandalism). It's not a left-right continuum, I guess.
Tulsa 1921? Who was responsible for that?
57 is six kinds of up-fucked and involves Wisconsin.
No, I guess that was just armed mobs where the police stood idly by. Though Wikipedia implies the police may have been flying the firebombing planes.
69: Don't forget the strike that happened where the Target is now located.
I guess those strikers were not unarmed.
66 et seq: that thing in New Orleans after the hurricane? On the Danziger Bridge? That wasn't even protesters, that was just people.
Didn't it happen dozens or hundreds of times in old-timey labor insurrections?
76: That's pretty close, but didn't it stay threats rather than actual gunfire? Still horrible, but not quite the same.
OT: Let's have an argument about whether this ad is wonderful or terrible. But first let's have a contest to see who can transcribe it fastest.
(I'm joking about the competition and argument, but am genuinely curious about the content of the ad and I can't find a transcript online. So if anyone's bored...)
I can't listen at work, but I did this morning, and the transcript would be dull -- something about "Herman Cain is a candidate like no other, which is why we've run a campaign like no other, he's putting the 'United' in 'United States'". The bizarre is all in the visuals (and I don't really see it. The ad's a little amateurish-looking, but other than the smoking not that weird.)
Mark Block here. Since January, I've had the privilege of being the Chief of Staff to Herman Cain and the Chief Operating Officer of the Friends of Herman Cain.
Tomorrow is one day closer to the White House. I really believe that Herman Cain will put 'united' back in the United States of America. And if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be here.
We've run a campaign like nobody's ever seen. But then, America's never seen a candidate like Herman Cain.
We need you to get involved, because together we can do this. We can take this country back.
[Block smokes]
[Music, Krista Branch singing: "I Am America."]
[Cain smiles]
Thank you! Did you do it in cursive or printing?
Cain's child molester smile at the end is pretty weird too.
I mean, it was weird, but Kevin Drum claims to have injured himself laughing, and it didn't seem that bizarre to me.
I guess it's weird to have your campaign manager do an ad?
So I guess the Tea Party has picked up something coined by Colbert?
Or maybe not. I leave the room or check my email during commercial breaks don't even have a television.
I'm guessing the cigarette is just to signal "He's the candidate that isn't politically correct!" Next ad, Cain's treasurer will punch a baby seal in the face, then smash the windshield of a Prius with Rick Perry's Niggerhead rock.
Is that old statistic about the majority of cops never discharging their weapon true? I thought lots of people, even soldiers under fire, won't shoot unless they've been trained in automatic, reflexive, near-thoughtless firing. Which cops haven't
I see this come up all the time and people always seem to be surprised by it, but I can't work out why, other than indoctrination by countless movies and police procedurals. Imagine a world in which most police officers fired a lethal firearm in anger (so to speak) during their careers. That would be a considerably more fucked up world than the one we live in. In New York, for instance, there are less than 100 police shooting incidents a year (I know, I know), compared with a police force of something like 35,000.
77 -- those were generally Pinkertons, not cops. Danziger bridge is pretty close, but also pretty distinguishable.
78- Nope, real shootin' complete with cover-up:
The Danziger Bridge shootings were a police shooting that took place on September 4, 2005, at the Danziger Bridge in New Orleans, Louisiana. Six days after Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans, the city's police department killed two people: seventeen-year-old James Brissette and forty-year-old Ronald Madison. Four other civilians were wounded. All victims were unarmed. Madison, a mentally disabled man, was shot in the back. New Orleans police fabricated a cover-up story for their crime, falsely reporting that seven police officers responded to a police dispatch reporting an officer down, and that at least four people were firing weapons at the officers upon their arrival.
How many incidents in US history are there of police firing live ammo into an unarmed crowd?
I recall Hunter S Thompson repeatedly referencing the violent tendencies of the police, particularly in The Great Shark Hunt.
I know that he isn't exactly a trustworthy source, but I doubt that he's completely making it up.
Yeah, like I said, it's close. Still not exactly (I think) firing into a demonstration with live ammo, as per Natlio's example.
74: Not as violent, but there were some big strikes at Minneapolis Moline, which is also now the site of a Target.
The center of the 1934 Trucker's Strike (which was a city-wide deal), is in the one part of the Warehouse District of downtown Mpls. that is still sort of industrial, strangely enough. The area is surrounded by condos and yuppie bars though.
We're having a party at work on Friday and I'm going as Lady Gaga. I ordered a two-tone wig and today I'm going to shop for a crazy looking dress at a thrift store. I would have just bought one on Amazon but apparently most people are okay with dressing as sexy Lady Gaga in a glorified body suit and there is no market for a more conservative crazy dress.
91: Geez. I remember being aware of that, and outraged by it, at the time (and talking about it here), but I'd still apparently softened the incident in memory.
I could mail someone by Beaker head if anyone's interested and if you'll send it back after. You need to supply your own lab coat.
95: Just staple a bunch of bacon to a regular dress.
I can tell you from experience that halloween costumes incorporating bacon are a lot of hassle.
Being chased by packs of feral dogs does not make for a fun Halloween night.
Well, that and it's impossible to truly understand the intensity of one's reaction to the smell of bacon until it literally follows one everywhere.
102: Now you know how the 1% feel when they descend amongst the rest of us.
95: I like that wig. I think you can do a lot with thrift store with accessories, the bigger the better.
I don't understand the pantlessness of 5.
Meee eitherrrrrr!
And me. Are they shorts? Bathing suits? Underwear?
97: I remember your Beaker head from the photo pool. It's awesome.
http://www.tshirtsthatsuck.com/images/costume_tshirt.jpg
Re: no pants, I don't know! I've never known what the fuck was going on with the pantslessness or the outrageously bouffant hairdos or what would be acceptable hissing garb, which is probably why I spent more time puzzling over it than I did any other New Yorker cartoon in my youth.
Hmm, according to this: In this drawing, unlike the published version, the group appears scantily dressed, perhaps for a costume party. Here is the version published in The New Yorker .
110: Yes, you're right about that. The biggest book we have has the long coats. So where did I see the pantsless version in the early 80s? Weird.
Probably a book of Arno cartoons had the pantsless one? Luckily I don't have time to actually go to my parents' house and look through a bunch of old cartoon books to resolve my confusion.
re: the OP, we were also considering Occupy [street party is on] Street, but it seems like that would have to involve carting around sleeping bags.
You could roll up a sleeping bag and wear it like a backpack, with straps. Or just carry a pillow.
What about the fancy outfits with signs that say "Help! I'm being occupied!" ?
If we can summon the will power, we may do Octopi Wall Street, with Mrs. K-sky as the Octopi and me as the suit.
I'm still waiting for the right party to debut my Sexy Eustace Tilley costume.
Maybe it's meant to evoke lower-class people rousting their friends, who are lounging pantsless, through the window?
we may do Octopi Wall Street, with Mrs. K-sky as the Octopi and me as the suit.
I'm totally stealing this. Hokey Pokey already has the octopus costume.
116: Or "Occupy Your Mother" or "Occupy This!" Or "The 99% Suck". Although I'm not sure I understood the assignment.
119: Yay! Pictures, please, since we're likely too lazy to make it happen.
Sexy Eustace Tilley costume.
Speedo with the butterfly hovering over the crotch? Or is that too tacky?
104: I will look for big. I'm also going to paint a giant lightning bolt on my face since Lada Gaga has used that multiple times.
My husband, who is also a lawyer, is going as the second amendment. He's going to put on a bear costume and wear a t-shirt that talks about the right to bear arms.
With a tank top and a small spelling change, that costume could be cheaper.
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Once a week for the past month, Hokey Pokey has gotten sent home with diarrhea. This means that one of us has to leave work to get him (obviously), and he has to stay home from daycare the next day. We just got the most recent call.
We have not seen a single bowel movement that looks like diarrhea to me, except that it's really common for babies have loosish stools. We took him to the doctor twice.
I just don't know what to do. It's such an (expensive) hassle to bring him to school with me and hire baby-sitters all day, and otherwise one of us has to take a day off daycare. It's a 2-day major inconvenience.
I want to set up an appointment or something with the baby room person but I feel like I don't have an actual leg to stand on. If he were actually sick, I would feel completely different, but I just don't think he is sick.
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125: Maybe you can get him on an antibiotic? Mara's school was almost going to send her home after one diarrhea incident but didn't because she was on Augmentin and it's a known side effect. I don't have any actual suggestions, though, and hope some parent of current or former babies will.
The doctor's not suggesting any treatment is a leg to stand on. The ped could also check stool for unusual quantities of gram-positive bacteria, which is just centrifuge and dye, no lab test. A negative result stronly suggests that the kid is not sick.
I'm so frustrated. My car is in the shop and the guy has sent it home before without fixing it. (This time it's being fixed. But the carpool logistics have been a major pain in the ass.) We haven't had a chance to unload our furniture from the storage sheds we're paying for. My mom hired a friend of hers to drive a Uhaul to our house which showed up yesterday full of stuff that she's been storing on our behalf. I need to spend my free time at work getting this backlog of stuff done, not baby-sitting a healthy wonderful baby who is a lot of work and constantly into everything.
Ok, I'm actually fine. Just the car, baby poop, and U-haul are unexpected chaos that seem to be unpredictably recurrent forever and ever.
125: This is an irritating non-solution, but this is a problem that's only likely to go on for another couple of months or so, until he's in the next room. Grit your teeth and bear it?
I assume the doctor's good word only stands for the most recent incident, and can't be used against the next diarrhea claim.
125: Loose vs. watery isn't easy to distinguish after it is in a diaper. I don't know how that conversation will go, but I'm sure I wouldn't want to eat Cocoa Krispies after having it.
129: 6 months of 2-days-a-week logistical chaos is really overwhelming to contemplate.
Also you can't plan for it. You just get this unexpected phone call that surprise! your work schedule for the next 48 hours is fucked!
Also he's at a stage where he constantly needs close supervision and he doesn't nap for more than 20-30 minutes at a stretch.
Augmentin and it's a known side effect
God knows, never let a doctor give your kid Augmentin. Every time any of mine were on it, they'd shit with such force that it would pitch them forward and then spray out the sleeves and neckholes of their outfits. I swear it's a practical joke that the medical industry plays on unsuspecting young parents. Amoxicillin did not produce this effect.
Can you just tell them what you've told us? "We keep taking him to the doctor and she's assured us there's nothing wrong. It's frustrating, because he isn't sick and we don't know what to do." Is there any chance of a good response to something like that?
136: I can't think of anything else to try? just pleading and treating it as "Can you help us solve this problem, because this is really a problem."
We had a chair like this one. We called it the Swedish Pooping Chair because everytime he sat in it, the shit came out so fast we'd have to wash the seat cover.
6 months of 2-days-a-week logistical chaos is really overwhelming to contemplate
Think hard on this before you decide to yet again double your number of kids. The chaos does not grow in a linear fashion.
135: I was only joking about recommending it and don't actually advocate excessive use of antibiotics, obviously. Mara was on it because one round of amoxycillin hadn't been enough to knock out whatever Val and Alex gave her. (I'm allergic to penicillin, so I feel like that makes it less valid for me to be skeptical or something.) I think the accidents that made the rounds were due to a stomach bug that I then got (but I don't think Mara did) and not the augmentin, though it may have been a factor. Oh wow was that a bad week.
138: Hey, we have that very one! (And while it's certainly been shat in, I am not sure it caused any shitting.)
Are HP's caregivers using hand sanitizer after every visit to Chili's?
141: Are things cheerier in Thornville?
re: 135
Yes. A 'friend' was on this and the effect was dramatic.
Could you talk through this with your doctor, and maybe get them to write a letter with diagnostic criteria for diarrhea that you could give to the day care? ("Hokey occasionally has loose stools which are not themselves indicative of diarrhea; the key sign of diarrhea is more than two stools in a forty-five minute period." Or something. Not that I have any idea what objective criteria are -- I remember it being fairly clear when something was wrong, and just playing it by ear.)
Not exactly pitching a fit, but a firm discussion with the director? "You know, this is the third time this month I've gotten this call, and both previous times HP has been completely fine. It seems to me [teacher] is maybe being a little hypervigilant here. Seems like we need to clarify what is and isn't diarrhea." Especially if you are paying by the week. Other considerations: is he getting more sugary juice type things there than at home? I've lost track of age, but if he's on crappy baby cereals, rice rather than oatmeal. Bananas rather than applesauce for fruits. Then maybe smack me for suggesting you constipate your kid to solve the problem....
144: They're better than when I was changing soiled underwear daily, certainly. Lee is holding on and I think considering getting some help. She's going to interrogate the kids' family social worker after their visit this week and hope it gives her some clarity about where the case is going. I'm too tired to be actively angry.
We're still arguing about whether Val and Alex should be at Mara's birthday party (just my parents and her best friend and his family, who are friends of ours) but I think because Lee is too lazy/whatever to make alternate plans for them I will win and they can be there and just play with the other kids.
Costume-wise, I'm playing in two different cover bands at the same show and thus am supposed to be a member of the Clash and a member of the Killers. I haven't exactly figured how to pull that off yet, but I know how to play the songs.
I don't understand why Val and Alex shouldn't be at Mara's party. They're part of the family.
149: Dress as the Clash-guy and put on a jacket when Killer's time comes?
150: Because Lee doesn't think they ARE part of the family and won't do family dinners and it's making me explode to even think about it. I already did explode at her that it was inappropriate that Mara was treated as a second-class citizen in her previous foster home and that I'd never have agreed to foster if I'd realized our house would be the same. The way we resolve this is by keeping Lee out of things and then I treat them exactly like I'd treat any other kid, except that I seethe about it when I talk to Lee.
Specifically, Lee doesn't like that they're grabby about Mara's toys and thinks Mara should have a chance to get to play with her new things first. That's stupid because I always make them ask Mara if they want to use something of hers (or vice versa) and she's just a very generous kid. And while it apparently makes Lee livid every time she sees them with Mara's toys, she didn't seem bothered that Mara didn't play with any of her own toys the entire time they were with their grandma but just had Val's ponies to amuse her. Kids are just like that, and everything that annoys Lee is normal-kid stuff that she chalks up to somehow being a personal affront to Mara, even though Mara loves them and loves having them around.
I am still so furious and hurt about all of this, but I'm compartmentalizing (though not repressing) it and just putting most of my energy into the actual parenting.
148: Holding on is good. Better than I might do. Best wishes.
152: Oh, no. That's got to be so hard for you to cope with. And you're right that it is absolutely inevitable, normal kid behavior, even more so since Mara's younger than the other two.
I don't know what to say about Lee, but best wishes getting through it with her.
152 -- oooh boy. It sounds like Lee is just basically not cool with the whole adding in the foster kids into the family at all. Which is a fine thing not to be fine with, but it's a little late at this point for you guys, since the foster kids are already there. So sorry, and good luck.
How about asking Mara if she wants them to be at the party? They should get to be there regardless, but maybe it'll help Lee accept it.
155: Yeah, and she's sure that it has nothing to do with unresolved attachment issues about how she resents her own birthmother and is afraid to grow too close to children she's going to lose, because that's a stupid thing for me to say when the reality is clearly that these are objectively annoying kids and she thought she'd like them because she likes all other 4- and 5-year-olds in the world but they're just exceptions.
We always knew she'd have a hard time fostering, but I thought she'd made enough progress with Mara that it wouldn't be too bad. I was wrong, obviously, but at least she's made enough progress that she could handle meeting Mara's family without total meltdowns about how knowing her siblings would probably ruin Mara's life and that relatives would come out of the woodwork and try to regain custody even though that hasn't been legally possible for months and months. Sigh. But anyway, it's not all bad and she's getting better on some fronts.
I truly don't think she's having a significant negative impact on the experience Val and Alex are having. Things would be better for them if they had two actively involved and supportive foster parents, but she's absent rather than hostile and they like her very much.
152 -- that sounds infuriating, and appalling.
I don't have any suggestions, but that sounds like the completely opposite of anything that could be described as "being emotionally supportive."
156: The first time Lee asked, Mara said no, so Lee was all gleeful about that. Then I got Mara to explain that she was talking about her party at school and that she does want them at the house. So I win, but I hate making it a manipulate-a-thon.
Sorry that I'm venting again. This is really frustrating and all the more so because all the professionals who deal with me are so excited about the great job "we" are doing and how it's rare to get foster homes that truly support the birth families while also helping the kids grow and blah blah blah, so that every time I have to hear it I'm waiting for what they'll think of us if Lee gets any worse and we have to find a new place for the kids. So yeah, I shouldn't think like that. Not helpful, plus it'll make me cry again.
they'll think of us if Lee gets any worse and we have to find a new place for the kids.
If that happens, they'll think you're taking great care of Mara, and that you did your best with Val and Alex for as long as you could, and that you gave them a safe, supportive home while they were with you. Don't worry about that at all.
Just to say it again, you are doing such a great job. And what you say about attachment issues makes a lot of sense, and is probably a bit more thaan you are equipped to solve while raising three small children. I hope all of you caaan find the help you need. You are doing so much good for those kids.
I'm just a lurker but I wanted to say how much I admire you Thorn. I don't have any experience fostering (or parenting) but you make it look a) possible and b) rewarding. This sounds like a bad moment but you seem tough enough to deal with it. Or at least fake it so the kids don't know any better (is that a bad thing to say/do?).
Hang in there.
Saying you make it look possible is a weird thing for me to say, isn't it? I guess I'm saying that fostering is very far outside my own experiences so I don't even know what's required or how it's done or who foster parents are.
162: I hope all of you caaan find the help you need, Spahck!
But seriously, I would like to echo everyone else's words of support. Keep your hand on the plow and your eyes on the prize, Thorn.
Saying you make it look possible is a weird thing for me to say, isn't it?
I've been thinking the same. We don't have a spare bedroom now, but ten years down the road, when our kids have moved out, fostering is starting to sound like something we might think about doing. I don't think I'd have thought that without having 'met' Thorn.
Also, 163: I'm just a lurker
Are not, I recognize your handle. That makes you a commenter.
What LB said in 160. Don't waste energy comparing yourself to the (mythical) Mozart of kid-rearing.
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Legal Bleg (preferably for Will): A friend (who was very badly served last time around, it appears) wrote:
I have a legal question now. When I got my divorce I neglected to request retirement benefits included in the divorce decree, thinking it was the same as S.S. When I called [Name of a City] Retirement Board they informed me I would need to go back to Court. He is now in Florida separated from second wife and 2 children. Can I handle this on my own or do I need to hire a lawyer?.
I already said that I thought she would need a lawyer. I'm wondering whether I should tell her to consult someone in MA or FL. She doesn't make much money.
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Listen to Will, I don't know anything about this sort of thing, but I wouldn't be surprised if she's just SoL -- it seems plausible to me that a divorce decree, particularly one that must be quite old by now, would be treated as the last word on the division of any marital assets and wouldn't be open to renegotiation at this point.
I know someone who was in a similar position and she was just SoL (or, well, not, because it was a multi-million-dollar divorce decree, but still). (She's never worked and is thus ineligible for Medicare. Lucky for her, she can just write checks for cancer treatment, but apparently she was supposed to ask for some of her husband's pay-in in the divorce.)
Yeah, hydrobatidae, you don't count as a lurker even though I don't think I know anything about your life or background just because your name is memorably awesome.
I'm in the ipad where making links is no fun, but http://fosterhood.tumblr.com has gotten very popular trying to make fostering appealing to hip, thoughtful, educated people. I don't count as hip, but I do think that fostering is doable for people who aren't the evangelical Christian straight married families with a stay-at-home mom, even though there are plenty of them out there. I'm a big advocate for fostering teens, who are often no more annoying than teens who might be biologically yours (low bar, I realize) and whose lives can be transformed by a good experience in foster care.
I am not some special, magical person and while I've thought a lot about parenting, I'm not someone who was expert at it. I think a willingness to learn and to lead with empathy are key to doing a decent job. You have to be willing to put up with bureaucracy when you're the one it inconveniences but willing to advocate and put up a huge fuss if it's standing in the way of what your kid needs. In almost all cases, kids go into care with a goal of reuiniting with their parents and often do end up back with their parents or other family members. You have to accept that the benefits of being with family aren't trumped by the fact that most of us here have more money and more resources than most of the families whose kids end up in care.
I would absolutely advocate doing it and I'm happy to talk to people by email too. Like any kind of parenting, it's frustrating and exhausting at times. I do think it's incredibly rewarding when things go well. I have three kids outside "painting" the fence with water and actually being quiet for a change because they're so intent on their play. The state will pay me almost $25/day to care for them, which is peanuts if you work it out to an hourly rate but enough to make a difference between being able to cover groceries and being able to afford a family zoo membership.
Lee is off grocery shopping. I think she may watch Shrek with us tonight. Although I'm incredibly frustrated with her, I do believe she's doing the best she can, though she's also been refusing oportunities to become able to do better. Today she reached out to supports that should help some on that front. I know it will be gradual and I'll accept any progress, basically. I'm sorry this is making her so miserable, but I'm not at the point quite yet where I think her misery means it's time for us to change our sitaution rather than time for her to put in a little more work changing herelf. If she changes her mind about that or I start really worrying about her mental health, then we'll need to do something more drastic. But for now we can try to work through the hard stuff and try to enjoy the parts that are enjoyable.
OT: I have to remember not to say things I think are funny, even very mildly funny, to people I don't know. I just rode down in the elevator to buy some coffee with some guy, and we were commiserating over the inhumanity of a workplace without coffee provided. He said "At least they have water coolers," and I replied "I think that's required by the ASPCA." And he looked at me funny and said "Really!?"
And then what do I say? "No, you nimrod, that was a joke. You didn't have to laugh, it wasn't that funny, but being genuinely confused about whether it was meant seriously worries me a lot." That seems undiplomatic, but I have no idea where else to go from there. (What I actually did was mutter "Well, I don't think their rules apply to lawyers," and scuttle away toward the coffee shop.)
173: Fosterhoodis also just an amazing narrative. You mentioned it before, and I read the archives, and then the last six months or so in real time. Talk about a rollercoaster.
Did someone really suggest handing out gratuitous antibiotics, or did they just want a sick-note?
And then what do I say? "No, you nimrod, that was a joke. You didn't have to laugh, it wasn't that funny, . . .
You shrug apologetically and say, "it was a joke. sorry."
For the record though, I think that's funny.
Or I remember not to attempt to be funny around anyone I don't have enough of a relationship with to train them to expect it. I have to relearn this one every six months or so.
173: I thought your actually reply was pretty good. Honor insists that you double-down on the joke, while kindness dictates providing a hint and/or avenue out for the other person. Hard to come up with something that accomplishes both of those within a split-second but yours was not bad.
inhumanity of a workplace without coffee provided
By which you mean "public sector", right? Do they make you buy into the floor-organized Water Club to use the water cooler as well, or was just that one Federal office I knew about?
The water is still free. I'm surprised no one's organized a Coffee Club -- I'd buy in with enthusiasm, but I'm not going to do the organizing.
You get free water? I'm in the floor-organized Water Club.
But this may be an answer for Heebie, when she was asking why people with the potential for funny don't make jokes. I feel like such a twerp when that sort of thing where I make a joke and the other person misses it completely happens, and it seems like it happens to me every time I try to kid someone I don't know well. So I mostly keep a lid on it.
182: Man, you'd think you guys would get water as a perk.
Wait, yeah, Megan: you don't drink tap water at work? I'm aghast.
Do they make you buy into the floor-organized Water Club to use the water cooler as well, or was just that one Federal office I knew about?
I'm in our water club. Still working out the kinks on how much to order.
You're right on, Stanley. Water managers hate bottled water and want people to drink the (perfectly good) tap. I should be supporting the cause.
Butcept, the only tap water (and bathroom) is a block and a half away. Which is weird but true. My building takes up a full block. The only bathrooms on each floor are in the SW corner. My cube happens to be closer to the NE corner. I have to walk a half block S and a full block W to get to tap water (or the bathroom). The water club is way closer, and I re-fill my mug several times daily, and the water dispenser also gives water hot enough for tea, and then my values weren't strong enough.
Water managers hate bottled water and want people to drink the (perfectly good) tap.
Why is this true, other than pride in the system? Is Sparklett's water (or whatever) a big conservation problem?
We have an office fridge with in-door water and ice. Plus free coffee that doesn't taste that bad.
Water-coolers should at least be significantly less wasteful than bottled water, right? Less material on average to make the containers, which are reused. I suppose the fuel to transport them, but that should be about the same waste per quantity as bottled water.
When I used to work with the regional water district, they made a huge deal about how healthy and great-tasting their water was. (It won some national municipal water taste survey.) There were no water coolers in the hallways -- instead, office services brought around pitchers of iced water.
The union, however, insisted on having Sparkletts delivered to its office.
Is Sparklettes a company that delivers water or just a brand of bottled water?
Pride in the system, and so that people think they're getting their money's worth from their district and are willing to pay taxes.
And 'cause plastic bottles are bad for the environment.
The whole bottled water thing is so absurd, even apart from the environmental issue. Most of it is just tap water anyway, it absorbs weird chemical tastes from the plastic bottles, and it's such a huge expense. Republicans really like bottled water, that alone should damn it.
173: Never having had any opportunity to interact with it, I don't think I would have known what the ASPCA was on the spot like that. I probably would have assumed you were referring to some branch of the OSHA that I didn't know about and then flushed in shame ten minutes later when it hit me you were joking about dogs.
Isn't all the fuel used for transport the worst part of bottled water, environment-wise?
Fair enough, and again why I shouldn't make jokes around people who aren't braced for them.
Didn't mean that as a criticism, btw. Mostly just raising my hand to point out my own nimrodicity quotient.
So, daycare will only keep Hokey Pokey at school when his poops go runny if we get his poops tested to make sure there's nothing in there. Our doctor has Shit Kits, which we will pick up in the morning. Something like you line the diaper with Saran Wrap to make sure the fibers don't contaminate the poop, so that won't be messy or anything.
I'm kind of excited about the whole thing, actually.
Think hard on this before you decide to yet again double your number of kids. The chaos does not grow in a linear fashion.
You are such a curmudgeon. I need an asilon antidote.
The chaos might not grow in a linear fashion, but it doesn't always grow at all. It probably depends partly on how much chaos there is now but I know parents who said there was no noticeable bump going from 2 to 3 (or 3 to 4). This seems contingent on the oldest one being out of diapers and without any disabilities.
out of diapers
...by the time the third is born.
194: I would have agreed with you until I tried L.A. tap water. It smells strongly of chlorine even to my aged smoker's nose and it leaves red stains when it evaporates. I figure the stain is probably a mutated version of red tide plankton that attacks one's liver.
Bleurgh, you don't want me tonight, I'm pissed off with all of them. After the bollocking everyone got tonight, I'm sure they'll be nicer tomorrow.
When I lived on the coast about 20 miles from San Francisco the tap water tasted like fish. It was so bad that my cockatiels refused to drink it. I had to serve them filtered water.
People in Utah complain about how the water is gross because of it's high mineral content. It tastes fine to me and not at all like fish!
203 -- IIRC, you aren't drinking LA water, but MWD water that is significantly worse.
206 -- WTF?? Dude! Their water won the Berk/l/y Spr/ngs International Award for best tasting municipal water in North America!
Whatves. MWD water lacks the sweet taste of the Owens Valley being destroyed forever.
Which can hardly compare to the elegant and delicious flavor of drowing the Hetch Hetchy Valley.
170 and 171: That was my thought too. There's a very specific kind of decree that you're supposed to have when anything involves ERISA (which I've forgotten), but she says that her divorce decree includes it. My guess is that the special magic words are missing, because a lot of judges didn't know any better. But if, it's a city plan, I don't think that ERISA would even apply.
180: We don't get coffee either. There was a coffee club when I started, but it wasn't functional. Now they have those horrid Flavia things, and they charge for them.
Atmy office we have one of those water coolers that takes water from the tap. Could you hook one of those up?
206: According to the WeHo site, we get 2/3 of our water from the L.A.D.W.P. They didn't specify where the other third comes from but I suspect it's incompletely processed santorum and industrial waste.
When our daughter was two or three, she would go through periods of crapping more than usually often, sometimes very soon after having been cleaned up the previous time. In an effort to maintain the proper attitude of fatalistic acceptance, my wife and I would often recall to each other that:
The Moving Toddler shites, and having shit,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit,
Shall lure it back to cancel out its Crime
No all thy Tears wash out a Turd of it.
(Note the variant conjugation of "to shit".)
There's a very specific kind of decree that you're supposed to have when anything involves ERISA
I believe that's called a "QDRO" or "Qualified Domestic Relations Order." And we've now reached the end of my knowledge about that.
Yes, that is the name. I knew it once.
on QDRO:
It is the view of the Department of Labor that a state court (or other state agency or instrumentality with the authority to issue domestic relations orders) does not have jurisdiction to determine whether an issued domestic relations order constitutes a qualified domestic relations order. In the view of the Department, jurisdiction to challenge a plan administrator's decision about the qualified status of an order lies exclusively in Federal court..
There could be another agency other than the state court that can issue one. Hmm, maybe she's not SOL and the division would fall under state domestic relations law. So, it seems like MA law might be the relevant one. I should just e-mail Will, though.
BG, this is a good source for info and DIY forms for pro se litigants in Mass. I have no idea how complicated it is to get a QDRO after the rest of the divorce is settled, though, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's too complicated for most people to do without a lawyer, especially with the cross-state issue.
Police are currently firing plastic bullets & pepper spraying unarmed protestors in Oakland.
I'm glad the Guardian has it on the front page, but I really wish they wouldn't do the backwards chronology liveblog thing.
I don't see anything at the NYT or WaPo or NPR.
http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/livenow?id=8405688
Live feed of the march. Looks like things could go off anytime.
I can't get the live feed to work. Or it is over.
The TV station is claiming they need to refuel the helicopter. Convenient timing.
Apparently the police were on the bullhorn threatening to "seriously injure" the protestors. And are currently using tear gas at the plaza.
Feed's back up. On the ground, pandaemonium!
So, did they quit the feed just as the police showed up with tear gas? Man, I love fair and balanced journalism.
It's on again now but I can't really tell what's going on.
It's been in and out the whole time. Looks like the stand-off is now at 14th & Broadway. I don't know Oakland geography at all though.
I'm guessing there are bandwidth issues at this point.
My sister works at that intersection. Said it was a sea of cops this morning.
I biked by 14th (at Clay, i.e., west of Broadway) at around 5:15, and the way to the plaza was blocked by a dense row of cops in riot gear.
Looks like they're moving on Atlanta as well.
Where do all these riot cops come from? Do they sit in a hidden lair for 360 days out of the year? Are they just letting the rest of the city go unpoliced for a couple days so they can divert all their manpower to a paramilitary campaign of terror?
237: There are usually three shifts available for call-up, lots more than you usually see around. Nothing mysterious about it.
When a daddy cop and a mommy cop love each other very much, he puts his baton insider her, except more gently than usual.
People in Utah complain about how the water is gross because of it's high mineral content. It tastes fine to me
Yeah, but you and I are in the Salt Lake/Sandy water district which is getting it from pristine snowmelt out of the east canyons. Other parts of the valley are pumping way more ground water and it's noticeably different.
Where do all these riot cops come from?
What 238 said. We all have batons and masks and such and can be called out.
I was speculating about what percentage of US police officers would answer in the affirmative if asked "Would you fire on an unarmed, peaceful crowd of protestors if ordered to by your superiors?" I think the percentage answering yes would rarely be below 30%, and in certain periods [1968-1973, 2001-2005] probably be up around 90%.
Maybe this could be made into something like that Jack Handy saying about trees and screaming. "If protestors were unarmed and peaceful, would we be so cavalier about shooting them down? We might, if they protested all the time, for no good reason."
Wow, that Oakland stuff is depressing. Ugh.
I need to think of a costume for Friday. I have a Pikachu stuffed animal, so maybe if I put some time into browsing thrift shops I could go as the main character from Pokemon, since he appears to have a very distinctive look.
Alternate ideas include ... actually, I don't really have any. I also have a 3-toed-sloth stuffed animal, but I'm not sure what costume that could possibly figure into (I'm the wrong gender and race for this book's main character).
237: Loans, I think. By Snow Park (several blocks from downtown, site of a tiny protest now gone) I saw a few parked police cars with Santa Clara markings. The same was done at
From MoJo, "OPD denies [using rubber bullets], but says it cannot speak for 15 other law enforcement agencies on scene."
Plausible deniability city! The same was done at the Cal occupations last year.
A wedding I'm going to this weekend (after my week of working for the mothership down here in Mountain View) posted their menu, and explicitly called out "Hetch Hetchy water". Not being from around here, I had to do some searching to determine that was a local municipal water source. I'm still unclear on the significance of calling it out - is that an ironic counterpoint to someone explicitly listing their expensive bottled water? A statement of support for the continued existence of the dam? Or something weirder?
(While I think it's very tasty stuff, I think I would have gotten nothing but funny looks for mentioning that my wedding was serving Quabbin water).
