Sadly, Conservapedia has nothing insane to say (at the moment) about lipstick.
On the "advertise" page:
We only allow the promotion of services and causes which are wholly consistent with the values of our publication and its readership. We are therefore 100% subscriber-funded and do not sell advetising space. Nontheless, you are welcome to submit your service or cause for promotional consideration.
On the "subscribe" page:
Regrettably, we were unable to reach the minimum number of subscribers required to mass print the first issue of The Conservative Teen magazine. The completed first issue in digital form is now available for free viewing on this website.
They provide an e-mail link so you can subscribe to the list that they will contact when they start publishing again, at which point you presumably will be able to join the 100% that fund the magazine.
And their actual target demographic seems to be 25-35 years older:
Our goal at The Conservative Teen is to foster the next generation of conservatives. A subscription to our magazine will ensure your teen builds honorable moral character and an in-depth understanding of all issues from the conservative perspective.
p.26:
Why are liberals so hostile toward abstinence education? It's not because it doesn't work - one survey of the research found that 17 out of 22 studies had found positive results from abstinence education
Umm, sure.
My first thought was that this market is already saturated, but apparently Brio and Breakaway were victims of the economic downturn.
So, it is like Boy's Life, only with girls on the cover, too, and presumably without camping tips.
I hear this is a marvelous time to start a periodical venture, especially targeting youth who are pro-abstinence.
Whoever wrote Conan parodies here a while ago could probably make a fortune by marketing some sort of hypersexed abstinence teen Ayn Rand-Harry Potter mashup.
Though apparently Brio's just been renamed: Susie.
a periodical venture, especially targeting youth who are pro-abstinence
Hymen Times.
Wasn't there a movement a decade or two ago of younger persons who tended to be punk-like, but who embraced no drugs or alcohol, no sex (? not sure about that part), no foolin' around? They had a name for themselves. I am forgetting. A clean scene that had not a few adherents.
Straight edge. The no-sex bit wasn't the most important bit of abstinence, really.
There you go! Yes, straightedge. Thanks.
one survey of the research found that 17 out of 22 studies had found positive results from abstinence education
"They've done tests. 60% of the time, it works every time."
I'm amused by the description "a clean scene that [has] not a few adherents"; it seems apt to feature in a local news report.
Erstwhile commenter Kriston has had intercourse with Ian MacKaye, but it didn't culminate in release for him.
parsimon, not straight-edge? For me, the definitive cultural artifact of the straight-edge movement is this entry from Die Roten Punkte: http://m.youtube.com/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DPVXnZcGYaKs&v=PVXnZcGYaKs&gl=AU
OT: For Christ's sake, all media all the time, although I am an educated, urbanite swell, I do not give a shit about Mad Men. Just let it go.
21 more comments until you can say something like that, Flip.
20: Safe harbor for the lone voice crying out in the wilderness?
21: getting to a harbor's not going to be a hell of a lot of help if you nobody with a boat can hear you yelling, Lonely McDiedofexposureson.
21: Take it up with teo. But while we're at it, I don't particularly care about Mad Men. I'd probably watch some episodes on Netflix and give it a shot, though.
Someone on FB is saying Kissinger is dead???
16: I am polite as can be in describing the phenomenon, which I otherwise find bewildering. Kids these days. Or those days.
Maybe Dick Cheney got his charred, smoldering heart.
Hmm. There have apparently been many "HK is dead!" rumors. Humans are optimists.
I do like the idea that Cheney went Highlander on him. In the end, there can be only one.
That is one Aryan couple. Just sayin'.
Now I'm trying to construct a scenario that leads Parsimon to become an enthusiastic fan of professional wrestler CM Punk.
Just sayin'.
It may be because I'm overtired and have too many things in my brain, but I just realized that I no longer have any idea what this means, if I ever did.
"Chick Magnet", says Wikipedia, which apparently dates back to his high-school backyard wrestling videos. But maybe that's the in! It's your "Rosebud"! Intrepid girl reporter Parsimon, peeling back the layers of mystery that are CM Punk and slowly becoming enthralled by his ring skills and his use of being straightedge as both a heel and a face gimmick! (Any producers reading should feel free to call me.)
It means someone contradicted you but doesn't want you to shoot them for it.
I think Bill Simmons did a couple of podcasts with CM Punk last year, which were as useless and vacant as the rest of Simmons' podcasts with anybody but Klosterman, who, oddly, seems to be the only person willing to challenge Simmons' unexamined opinions.
Oooooh. "CM Punk" is a professional wrestler's name.
I liked Simmons podcast with Obama.
Oh, I though it meant I was too lazy to spell out the implications, and wasn't really committed to them anyway. But I would also prefer to not get shot.
But I would also prefer to not get shot.
Avoid Florida.
I thought Aryan couples were supposed to be worried about their race's suicide-by-under-reproducing, anyway.
43: Hence abstinence only education.
I thought Aryan couples were supposed to be worried about their race's suicide-by-under-reproducing, anyway.
They are.
They're just supposed to be married before they start doing something about it.
they start doing something about it s/b "before the due date"
Right. The amount of reporting on recent marriage and childbirth trends that speaks in terms of "illegitimate" births is rather stunningly stone-aged.
Well. Does the abstinence school advocate virginity until marriage? That was disastrous for many marriages, as we know. Jesus christ!
Does the abstinence school advocate virginity until marriage?
Of course they do. What else would they advocate?
I suppose that is a theoretical possibility.
Are there any famous virgins? I suppose a bunch of Popes might have been.
I don't know -- abstinence until you're engaged? (Then you'd have a bunch of people getting 'engaged' then breaking it off, then getting 'engaged' again ... and so on. I think being 'engaged' does happen like that for some people.)
POST-MARITAL ABSTINENCE GIVES YOU MORE TIME TO WORK ON SOME REALLY NICE DRESSERS.
I know a guy who was pretty central to the straightedge/Positive Force scene in DC in the early 80s who is still a big wheel in the punk scene even though he did lose his edge for awhile, no doubt from hanging around with all the lushes in the anarchist scene who make fun of you if you take a couple of hits off a joint that's going around at a party but drink shitty beer like it was going out of style, which it was, for awhile, until the PBR anti-marketing campaign kicked in and now its all fixies and messenger bags and nobody even listens to punk OR hardcore any more, just this bland corporate disco pabulum.
52: Isaac Newton is one generally mentioned as a possibility. (And I believe any potential dalliances would most likely have been with men.)
The straightest edge dude I knew in high school later became a weed dealer.
Mother Theresa. That's why she was so mean, right?
52: Henry Darger. A valuable role model for today's conservative teens!
52: Isn't there some speculation about Henry James?
Oh, also, what do you call a straightedger without a driver's license?
Useless.
Kenneth Williams claims to have been a life-long virgin. Edward Gorey, maybe, I think.
The one straightedge kid I knew in high school runs marathons and made a bunch of money on a startup and had his own TV show for a while. Don't let it happen to you, kids!
66: Surely Gorey had to do some research for The Recently Deflowered Girl.
Natilo is being really mean. You won't see me laughing, nope.
66: Edward Gorey, really? I'd not have thunk it.
Hey, some of my best friends have been straightedge!
(I would point out that the whole chastity thing didn't catch on nearly as well as the veganism and sobriety parts. Funnily enough.)
That was disastrous for many marriages, as we know. Jesus christ!
Now, to be fair, only one abstinent couple resulted in Jesus Christ, so we shouldn't draw too many conclusions from that example.
49: Of course they do. What else would they advocate?
For the record, there is a way that abstinence education can avoid being for virginity until marriage. There's a billboard campaign here in Baltimore that says things like, "I am saving myself ... from being a mother until I can pursue my dreams. I want to be a scientist." These typically picture a young, say 15-year-old, black teen, female.
Is that an ad for abstinence, or for contraceptive use? Probably the former, in intent, but it doesn't push any sort of virgin purity until marriage bullshit.
64 52: Isn't there some speculation about Henry James?
I thought he had sex with men. But I guess it's speculative either way.
||
Btw, thanks to everyone for the restaurant recs; had a lovely dinner at Revival. (Though I'm getting back on the Bart now, rather than staying out here.)
|>
Is that an ad for abstinence, or for contraceptive use? Probably the former, in intent, but it doesn't push any sort of virgin purity until marriage bullshit.
Fair enough, but the sorts of people who are usually involved in self-described "abstinence education" programs are typically very invested in precisely that kind of virgin purity bullshit.
I didn't realize straight edge meant no sex, too (though I've seen the comments about it not being central). Still, what kind of bullshit youth movement rules out sex? A sucky one, clearly.
Wait, the Conservative Teen is opposed to advertiser funding? Since when are conservatives anti-advertising?
77: They sound very scared that someone might try to advertise something they don't approve of. It's not clear (at least to me) how grounded that fear is.
(As for the aside about straight-edge punks: the straight-edge movement was and AFAIK still is a constant attractor for neo-Nazis and other unsavoury, thuggish types, almost always right-wing. A great example of what can happen when your youth movement abstains from everything except rage and violence.)
78: Yeah, I mean... surely they could just screen their advertisers.
Unless of course the real problem is that they can't find anybody who wants to advertise with a magazine that has slogans like "Welcome to the Debt-Paying Generation" on its cover.
Unless of course the real problem is that they can't find anybody who wants to advertise with a magazine that has slogans like "Welcome to the Debt-Paying Generation" on its cover.
Since they don't appear to be able to find anybody who wants to subscribe to such a magazine either, this seems like a pretty plausible explanation.
the Bart
Isn't it time you start acting like a local?
I was wondering when someone was going to say something like 83.
77, 78: I don't think the magazine actively exists anymore. But I thought they were trying to hide the implication that they are probably funded from the usual conservative sources. Subscriber-supported is a way of claiming a popular mandate. In another sense, the whole thing is a big ad.
But I thought they were trying to hide the implication that they are probably funded from the usual conservative sources.
Maybe, but if they were, wouldn't they be able to afford to physically print the thing?
Maybe that's all the support they could get. It looks pretty crappy, though their authors seem to all be affiliated with the right right-wing places.
76 - It... doesn't, really? That's in the Minor Threat song, but it's always been more about anti-promiscuity than abstinence. (And I think 79 is true only if you're talking about the whole Youth Crew scene that mutated into Krishnacore -- it didn't seem to me to have been nearly the same sort of macho throwdown fest in the D.C. scene, possibly because of the influence of Positive Force or possibly because I was never sXe and thus not going to shows in high school looking to beat the shit out of people who were drinking.)
Isn't it time you start acting like a local?
I was aiming for "so SF I don't know how to get across the bay," just as PATH remained a mystery to me over four yrs of NYC residence, but I guess I fucked that up.
Or do you mean that a real local would have persuaded the guy to take me back to his hotel, despite his early flight?
Or that a real local would have said "BART" not "the Bart."
I meant to include that sense in the first option, though it should be said that the capitalization is entirely my phone's fault.
79 was my experience with straight edge punkers as well, enormously self righteous and extremely white, tending to do stupid things like dismissing all rap music as thug music even without extreme rightwing influences.
Self satisfied, self righteous douchenozzles in other words.
I'm stepping out on "not internet" with the internet, so here I'd just like to note that when my brother was a straightedge in DC back in the day, I said, that's just because you can't buy booze, I won't give you any weed,* and no one wants to have sex with you. once any of these things changes, edges are going to be ragged as a bitch up in here.
*OK, sort of a dick move on my part. but he was 11. I felt vaguely as if he should be at least 13 or something.
I did my make-up so perfectly today, and got dressed, and then I was in too much pain to go to work, and I cried, and my 50s-swoop eyeliner went everywhere. does it have to be dark outside for me to go to bed or can I just declare this over and try again tomorrow? looking through all this china an whatnot have found a parsons unfogged-eking ladle, I'll put a picture up sometime. it has tiny holes so the words can go through slowly.
also, I was 100% right about my brother. he kept liking punk rock and also learned to grow killer weed; it was win-win!
Wait, one needs it to be dark before one goes to bed? Shit.
it's not technically required, I don't think. I made it till now, it'll be dark in 15 minutes. looks like it's clinique pore minimizer mask time! recommended to me by flippanter himself once, after a few too many bloody marys at the georgica pond association summer fundraiser, estée lauder let it slip to me that she employed only two rival products: this, and guerlain's jicky. OK, only the jicky. well, and she was an aged recluse in her NYC apartment for most of my life, so I made that up too. nonetheless I will proceed with the mask! the unique sensation, so closely resembling that of having spread crest toothpaste all over oneself with a small palette knife, and then allowing it to dry to a crackly bad-hollywood-aging/going on-a-spirit-walk-with aboriginal-australian-tribespeople finish, is a worthy 15 minute diversion. oh hey it's dark! whatever, I'm minimizing my pores anyway. it's a good thing they're giving me all this incredibly powerful psychiatric and pain-killing medicine, who knows what I might be doing otherwise?
Jicky is one of the oldest scents still in production. Notoriously civet-rich.
I'm sure I've never recommended a pore minimizer, as anyone who has examined my pores will tell you, but I recommend Clinique's Cream Shave enthusiastically.
76, 69,88, etc: Yeah, I didn't want to confuse Parsimon with all the various distinctions and offshoots. Vegan Reich was never that influential, anyhow, except as fodder for conversations about how stupid it was. The general, non-ideologized homophobia/homoeroticism stuff was the squickiest part in my opinion. I wonder how many of those guys actually wound up coming out at some later date? Probably a lot.
Anyhow, everyone knows that punk, mod/rude boy and hip-hop will always be the best styletribes. Best music, best politics, coolest clothes.
98: "Nawthing getsh between me and mah Jicky!"
101: I see Darrell Hammond at the gym now and than and frequently have to force myself not to demand that he say things in Connery.
"Not in the 'Rs'? That'sh not what yuir muither said lasht night, Trebek!"
Indeed, actual San Franciscans will only travel to the east bay if they're going to sleep with someone.
79: As for the aside about straight-edge punks
Hey now, it wasn't meant to be an aside, particularly: I was trying to think of youth movements preaching abstention that actually had a chance in hell of catching on, and that one came to mind. Clearly, one has to make such things cool; therein lies Conservative Teen mag's problem.
Hey, apparently The Recently Deflowered Girl is back in print, which is nice because it means you can buy it and support Gorey['s estate], but too bad because it means you can't read the whole thing online anymore. Unless you are wilier/more resourceful than am I.
Wait, one needs it to be dark before one goes to bed?
I hope not. Summer's coming soon enough.
The girl in that picture is reminding me of Becca from The Good Wife and it sort of creeps me out because that character is so evil.
Both the girl and the boy in that picture look like they'd stab you in the back in two seconds flat in order to get the scholarship, or the spot on the debate team or the student council. Not that I would stereotype or anything.
Looking at the cover again, I am struck at how "values" and "bias" are contrasted in the line across the top. Conservatives have values. Liberals have biases.
It is a weird extension of the idea that simply holding liberal views creates an environment that is hostile to conservatives.
The red, white and blue color scheme of the cover is blinding.
The magazine -- and much of the conservative approach these days -- is about branding and sloganeering. They're an advertising company masquerading as a political party. Liberals don't have a branding project that I can think of; should we? It goes against every one of my instincts.
That is interesting. And that vocabulary allows conservatives to take refuge from criticism -- "Those are just my values, man." Or see themselves as victims: "Everyone's entitled to their own values, but liberals keep attacking mine." Whereas what liberals believe is subject to criticism, because as "bias" it's the kind of thing that (1) can either accord with or contradict "reality" and (2) even better, distorts the perceptions and reasoning of those who have the bias, which explains why they don't agree with conservatives.
Why is the girl wearing a green keffiyeh as a scarf?
112: You're right, and if you hold the magazine at the right angle, the boy's left arm and face form a red crescent pointing towards Mecca!
111: Well, yes, that's the narrative and has been for some time. Quite a few Republicans seem to accept it.
A liberal narrative might insist that there are actually liberal values.
110: That depends. Do you want to see analogous results?
Liberals don't have a branding project that I can think of
Hammer and sickle?
Did anyone get as far as the column "History Made Easy"? Best article title ever. All of the cartoons are supposed to be really sad angry satire, but are labeled as being for the purpose of LAUGHS.
Making Sense
Ronald Regan, Our First Black President?
by Michael Reagan
The Reagan Report
length: 1091 words
I double-checked and no, unfortunately, that typo is not in the magazine itself.
looking through all this china an whatnot have found a parsons unfogged-eking ladle, I'll put a picture up sometime.
Of course. I should have realised that no lady would use an eking spoon during the months of summer. Eking ladle or nothing.