Not a cat. You shouldn't mail people cats.
Oudemia, you shouldn't mail people cats.
Is she close enough to visit? I think she'd want something you can share while spending time together. The worst part of ending a disastrous relationship is dealing with those moments of feeling really alone.
Rent a couple of SUPs and take her out on the river.
Box sets of good tv.
Some entertaining, medium weight reading with little romance in it.
Any kind of stuff that she likes but hasn't indulged in for ages because head-the-ball didn't like it or disapproved.
8 and especially 6 are good. Being a little pushy about keeping in touch might not be a bad idea - it's hard to ask for companionship. Also simple stuff like a regular good morning text message might help.
Someone needs to rent a couple SUPs and take togolosh out on the river.
I'm assuming that means Slutty Urban Professional, so I second 7 and 10.
I'm down with 10 given 11. We can skip the whole river thing if that's easier.
11: My google images search came up with this:
http://www.lavaflowsurf.com/images/sup_girl.gif
#2 gets it right. Is this the custodian woman with all the relatives who keep getting arrested? Is this the woman who kept failing to get in touch with you? Someone else?
8: Are "head-the-ball" and "stoat-the-baw" etymologically related?
16: I'm pretty sure it's someone else that heebie has discussed.
I think she's already perking up from the break-up (mostly because she was working abroad and realized there were other fish in the sea), and we have a regular visit schedule although we're across the country from each other. It's more to say "Congratulations!" because she has been truly (uncharacteristically) miserable in this relationship, and from that place of misery, it was extremely hard and drawn out as she forced herself to take action to end things.
Given 20, 18 is clearly the way to go.
Maybe some nice French paintings?
But not Watteau.
21: Yes. I was going to suggest a vibrator, but 20 makes me think she's further along on the recovery process.
22.1: What? Chardin? Fragonard? Ingres? Matisse?
22.2: What do you have against Watteau?
I think I will definitely include a box of condoms. She'd get a kick out of that.
Also simple stuff like a regular good morning text message might help.
I initially read this as "simple stuff like a regular good morning sex massage might help", which I thought was probably good advice, although I wasn't sure heebie would be in a good position to provide that.
24.all: Yes! No! Thursday! 42!
I was just making a silly half-assed riff on 5 and 15.
Bottle of single malt. She can get blotto.
Scratch and win tickets?
A salami?
An underwater cave for sex?
Manly deeds and womanly words?
A whispering campaign?
How about a gift card to the Vermont Country Store.
the Vermont Country Store
Which is in the United States of Autocomplete.
As far as I know, Montana is the only one which completed to a porn star*.
*Actually given the way Google tailors searches now it really is not very universal, and the Montana Fishburne result might be a bit a bit revealing.
If only your friend had read these helpful tips in time.
I didn't even know there was a Fox News Magazine.
2. This is one of our favorites and it can translate into a number of situations. Ask your guy to go to the supermarket and give him a list of made up things like dehydrated water, sweet salt or a blunt knife. If he's into fixing things, send him to the hardware store for a glass hammer or cement humidifier. For the sports guy, tell him to grab a box of curveballs and meet you in the park after work. Beware though, this could keep him tied up for a while.
Yeah, a sports guy would definitely spend a lot of time looking for curveballs.
Anything that hinders reproduction by Fox News viewers is OK by me.
The Navajo term for "sugar" literally means "sweet salt."
Why does Fox hate saran wrapping the toilet seat?
What better way to spice things up than a playful prank?
That article is just so strange.
42: Agreed. Hey, could you pick up that coin?
*laughs wickedly*
Honestly superglue rarely does my carpet, wood, or linoleum any good.
The inclusion of "linoleum" saves me from the embarrassment of the omission of "floors."
Here, have some chips and guac that wasn't made with wasabi.
Sure, thanks, and there isn't anything set to fall on you when you open your bedroom door, or anything.
I'm thinking that maybe a small bottle of really quality perfum would go well with the condoms. Good perfume is a luxury that are difficult to justify for oneself but can really make you feel spectacular. I'd reccomend "Joy" (Jean Patou) as something almost everyone would like--or at minimum, appreciate having. Luckyscent.com sometimes has deals.
and there isn't anything set to fall on you when you open your bedroom door, or anything.
Have you seen the cat around lately?
It has been said that not everybody needs perfume. That however remains a good thread for recommendations.
50: Tell your husband the cat is at the Homeopathic Vet and he needs to get it now. Hilarity.
I stuffed the cat into the tips of his shoes! For fun, I wrote the word "Suprise!" on a note and pinned it to the cat.
You really go out of your way to let us know about the whole big feet thing.
53: better than stuffing the tips of his shoes into the cat.
49: So, the last couple of summers there've been kids hanging around my neighborhood trying to sell bottles of ripoff perfume/cologne. Is this like one of those scams where some asshole drives them from city to city in a van and yells at them and never pays them? Or is it just like selling magazine subscriptions, except with cheap perfume? Has anyone else seen this activity?
I thought the magazine one was a scam also.
Well, but, with less abusiveness.
In my city, the discount perfume people have actual storefronts, and the kids hanging around are generally trying to sell to white people either candy or drugs. The discount perfume people rarely have perfume I'm interested in, but then, as my boss told me today, I tend to be suspicious of people.
Actual storefronts, imitation scents.
26: I read it the same way, and was going to leave a similar comment, but you beat me to it.
Speaking of cats, Thundersnow got a dog and is accepting name suggestions. I can report that Cuauhtémoc was not a good suggestion. Any ideas, 'shaft?
Tezcatlipoca? Huitzilopochtli? Quetzalcoatl?
Huan or Carcharoth, depending on her views of Beleriandian politics.
63: You're on the team to name my hypothetical dog, but apparently T-snow hates bad-ass Aztec shit.
Garbanzo might be in the running.
67: There's not a name on that list that a person could name a dog, neb. Okay, maybe Dip. But who wants a dog named Dip?
A person could totally name a dog Argos or Akhlut or Cadejo or Cavall or Cerberus or Cù Sith or Dabilla or Dib or Dobhar-chú or Freybug or Garm or Galert or Gwillgi or Gytrash or Keelut or Maera or Mauthe or Moddey Dhoo or Orthrus or Pesanta or Qiqirn or Scylla (a dog?) or Shisa or Sirius or Surma or Teju Jagua or Waheela or Wepwawt or Xiezhi or Xolotl, Stanley.
It is true that few of the things named on the list are actually mythological dogs; many seem to be mythological creatures in some way associated with dogs. Many aren't even the names of individual creatures, but rather are kinds of creatures. Disappointing.
Speaking of cats, Thundersnow got a dog and is accepting name suggestions. I can report that Cuauhtémoc was not a good suggestion. Any ideas, 'shaft?
What's wrong with "Shaft"?
A surprising number of the entries on that list are Inuit. I guess in a culture where dogs are so important economically it makes sense that they would play a big role in the mythology.
But who wants a dog named Dip?
A satisfied user of smokeless tobacco.
Chipotle, if the dog is very efficient.
Earlier I was wanting to say "Cry Woofer" but it was bugging me that it wasn't quite an anagram.
Cry "woofer" and let slip the speakers of war.
Cities in Ohio are good sources of names. How about Sandusky?
"Bitch" or "He-Bitch."
More seriously, I've liked "Monkey" and "Whiskey" among the dog names I've encountered.
Kintla has turned out to be a way better dog name than I thought it would be.
71: So you're saying that the Inuit have more than 40 names for the dog?
When I was a kid we had a German Shepherd called Kali ("Car-lee"), which is the Kiswahili for "fierce". (It was the soppiest animal ever, but it had been named as a puppy before it's true character emerged.)
I've seen in my days a handful of dogs named after Persian emperors, and they always seemed apt.
Louis the Fat. Henry the Fowler. Otto the Illustrious.
Edward the Confessor. Call it Fess or Eddie.
oudemia family dog names: Trampy,* Elrond, Cassius, Bella, Friday.
*Yes, that does mean that my "pr0n name" is Trampy.
95 is the rightest thing that's ever been written.
84: DogBreath's real name is Nafanua, a Samoan warrior goddess. She is not a warlike dog in any sense of the imagination.
A previous thread on dog-naming that stayed pretty much on topic for 290+ comments. Although, shockingly not all that many truly appropriate dog names were vetted. Protip: Don't choose 'Cartouche' if you want Dutch Cookie's respect. (And I think at some future point, KR came back and told us what they actually named it.)
And from that thread, De Gaulle (to see if Stanley recalls the pun without looking it up).
42: That article is just so strange.
I looked up some other stuff by the "author" to try to determine if it was a deliberate troll. She mostly does celebrities, hair and nails so I think she may have just been outside of her zone of competence. I did pick up one thoroughly wacky bit of phrase-making, however: It finally hit me that while life was impaling me with abnormally large, radioactive lemons ...
Wait, you never said what *kind* of dog it was, did you? That might narrow the field some.
81: I know both a person and a cat named "Monkey".
We were thinking about naming cats, in sequence:
Diamat
Histamat
Tiamat
Automat
Yogamat
Some ideas:
Aethelred
Bosco
Coriolanus
Drogo
Erasmus
Funicular
Greedo
Huysmans
Illmatic
Jalopy
Kukaillimoku
Laurentian
Monbiot
Nosferatu
Oblio
Porthos
Querulous
Rumbustion
Sokol
Turpentine
Ubik
Varangian
Wotan
X-Factor
Yekaterinburg
Zamindar
||
excuse me, sorry to go off-topic for yet another in-joke, but my god, a baby burning on the GROUND and mom commenting on blogs is an inacceptable situation
|>
Fido.Spot. Bowser. King. Rex. Lassie.
Apparently irony really has died.
Sorry for your loss. Irony is now available. Good to know.
My hypothetical dog (which I think we'll get, eventually) is named Herschel. Or Olive, if it's a girl.
My hypothetical dog will be named Biscuit, if you want to know.
My own personal doggie was named Vanka.
I would kind of like an Irish Wolfhound named Boru (Boroimhe) (Baroo?)
Yeah, it should be noted that my hypothetical dog is a dachshund.
An underwater cave for sex?
But not a grotto.
(Sorry. Couldn't resist making that one explicit. I'll leave the rest for Standpipe.)
(In its place, I'll leave some French country estates and some guy named von Bismark.)
When I was a kid some family friends had a Dachshund named Udo.
