I thought that as long as I was shopping at Old Navy, I was fine!!
I have no idea how to relate to somebody who thinks like that.
I bet a third of the women you work with think like that.
Moby's always been more of a Banana Republic man.
2. I don't really work with people in the sense of interacting with them in person. Sometimes they bring in candy and I eat it.
But they are wearing clothes when they do that?
Yeah, I saw this link and it made me distressed. This is what you look like from behind, you disgusting piece of shit! If you looked exactly like that but the pockets of your jeans were placed slightly differently, you would be acceptable, you cow!
On the other hand, it reminded me of Lindsay Lohan's SNL Coin Slot Cream ad, which is funny.
Certainly none of them are wearing jeans until Friday. The office manager won't allow it except for one Friday a month.
Mostly, this makes me think that other people are either more limber or spend more time around three-way mirrors than I do. I have no idea how my butt looks in anything because my head faces in the other direction, and it really just doesn't seem worth the trouble to find out. I figure that if I look acceptable from the front, I can solve any remaining problems by leaning on stuff.
And it demonstrates an unpleasant attitude, of course.
Can jeans go back to being utilitarian? All of this attempting to buy flattering clothes is an arms race I see no reason to participate in. I start wearing stuff that fits and next people are going to expect me to do something about my eyebrows.
The only part that makes sense to me is that "mom jeans" are, stereotypically, long-zippered and roomy. One buys them in the "woman" section of the mall department store. Teen jeans have a short zipper and are cut to the widest part of the pelvis, which can be frustrating both for sizing and for keeping them on the body. The idea adult jean is somewhere in between. Why all the shaming about LONG BUTTS and MUFFIN TOPS?
Something something jeans, butt, "taut" something something.
Stereotypical mom jeans are jeans that looked perfectly normal in the 90s, worn by someone who has been too frazzled to go shopping for herself since then.
Everyone knows that the tops are the best part of muffins.
9.2: It's gotten way too complicated, for sure. I would also appreciate it if stores would stop changing what their sizes mean. I had a pair of Gap jeans that I liked and wore until they got holes. I went back and tried on the same size, same style, and they were enormous (and felt like they weren't denim anymore--something was up). I complained about it. I went back a few weeks ago and now the same size jean is way too small. I have not changed size during that time. It really fucks with the head.
Don't clothes wear out for busy moms? I'm lucky to get three or four years out of a pair of pants (unless it's something formal that I don't wear often).
Which is especially weird in your naked office.
Is there a difference between Pajama Jeans (for moms) and jeggings, for teens, except that Pajama Jeans are boot cut?
Heebie, shifting the Overton Window on the use of the Overton Window.
I don't know what you call what they were wearing, but this was a really good winter for seeing the shape of the butts of college students.
And I for one welcome the new front page posting guidelines which apparently require that every post have some element which trolls Halford.
This is complete obnoxious "I don't even own a fashion sense", but I read stuff like that and I am stunned by the amount of detailed theorizing going on -- all the effect of pocket placement on the perceived shape of the ass and so on. And I go back and forth between thinking how on earth could anyone pay enough attention to jean pockets to build a theory like that (and presumably dozens of other similar theories about other stuff) and thinking that if that shit actually works for making you look significantly more appealing, there were certainly times in my life when I probably could have used that level of obsessive knowledge.
I guess the whole thing is just a warning that the Gap and Old Navy make incredibly crappy worthless clothes, which seems useful for anyone who somehow didn't know that already.
All the little details they're obsessing about are nonsensical. They're coasting on the fact that expensive jeans fit better than cheap jeans.
22: For the next post someone should propose eliminating copyright law and replacing it with astronomy.
23: I think the author would probably say the same of us. Who has the time to sit around nitpicking about stuff that doesn't even matter at all? I imagine everyone has something about which they are inclined to be analytical and energetic. For a lot of people it is "how I express myself through the products I buy." It makes sense!
that the Gap and Old Navy make incredibly crappy worthless clothes, which seems useful for anyone who somehow didn't know that already.
Sometimes I think I fall back on geographical variation too often, but seriously, they are very, very common around here. Everybody looks fine, although their clothes probably fall apart too quickly.
You guys have successfully kept me from doing work. Wait a minute, was this Trapnel's anti-copyright strategy all along?
29: Does this novel make my head look fat?
They're coasting on the fact that expensive jeans fit better than cheap jeans.
I've mentioned this before, but in more expensive men's pants, the zipper goes down further so you don't need to worry about all the urine not draining straight down. On cheap pants, not so much.
I loved that thread where it was revealed that all men pee-pee themselves several times a day.
Everybody looks fine
Well, the college students do, I'm sure.
I would also appreciate it if stores would stop changing what their sizes mean.
Does Levis do this? In the late 90s, I bought a new pair of the same sized 501s that I'd been buying since forever and they were abruptly too large in the waist. I permanently switched down a size, and then in the late 2000's it happened again.*
*I confirmed that I am not, in fact, shrinking.
36: Eat some grain and you'll get back to your old size.
29: Oh, sure. It's not so much the being interested in clothes -- people are interested in professional sports, after all, everyone's got a hobby. Mostly, I get this vaguely wistful feeling "Wouldn't it be weird if obsessing over that shit actually made you look better? I can think of times when that would have been useful." And of course I'm sure it does work, at least somewhat.
I would have been so happy in China under Mao. Or maybe I should have joined the military. Or gotten a job with the MTA.
Somehow spending a few minutes looking at pictures of butts gives me much more of a guilty "I really should get back to work" feeling than hours of reading comments here.
I bet MTA's lawyers were regular lawyer clothing.
So, how much of Pinterest is now butt pictures?
If I asked nicely, they might let me wear the conductors' uniform.
Women's sizes are a joke. They don't have any meaning from store to store, so the first time you shop somewhere, you feel like an idiot in the dressing room.
The phrase "everybody looks fine" is a little imprecise to use here, because what I mean is "nobody sticks out and everyone seems to consider Old Navy to be reasonable clothes". Would they stick out and look conspicuous in a wealthy community? Yes.
(And I'm not so much thinking about the college students as much as the grocery store crowd, say.)
Or gotten a job with the MTA.
For whatever reason, subway driver remains a fantasy job for me. Probably in reality it's super boring.
I think that attention to fashion is BOTH a real skill that can be usefully deployed to artificially make people look much, much better (and who could be opposed to that) and somewhat overrated. I watched this OK, not great documentary about aging supermodels reflecting on their lives the other night. One of the lines was from a designer laughing at all the idiots who thought the Ursula Andress bikini or James Bond tuxedo would have them looking like Ursula Andress or James Bond.
38: There are a few things that I think when I see people that I imagine would make them look a lot better, but that list pretty much starts and ends with "buy clothes that fit" and "cut your hair."
38: There are a few things that I think when I see people that I imagine would make them look a lot better, but that list pretty much starts and ends with "buy clothes that fit" and "cut your hair."
I wish I could get myself some magically awesome haircuts, and especially wish I could do it without having to make an appointment and schlep to a salon, etc. Lately I have been giving myself middling haircuts, which is pretty much the best I can usually manage from a professional, even ones that come highly recommended -- I must not be very good at communicating in Hair, and/or my hair really is as ridiculously difficult to cut as I fear it is. But a totally wonderful haircut would make me so happy!
Oh, hey, fashion thread. Just interviewed a law student intern -- charming young man, writing sample indicates that he knows how punctuation works, and if he can't organize a brief he's no worse than plenty of people I litigate against. But he was wearing a navy blue suit with a black satin tie.
Black satin? I can't see that anywhere outside a funeral, or maybe a wedding party. Am I living in the past, or is this just a kid who has just the one tie he bought for his Uncle Ed's funeral? (This has no effect on any hiring decision, it just struck me odd enough that I'd thought I'd check if it really was strange.)
Vanity sizing is rampant but idiosyncratic to the various clothing brands, frustratingly.
Was his general vibe that he's a looks-conscious guy, with a styled haircut and very well-fitting suit? Or was his general vibe that he'd really like the job and you put on a suit for an interview once every few years? I'm guessing the latter/Uncle Ed is dead.
I cut my own hair for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and I'm pretty happy with it. I just used clippers, so it's pretty butch. I really want to buy thinning shears. Once I get those, I don't really see much about letting someone at the salon pick at it with scissors for an hour and $80 that is better.
I also am unhappy with my apparent hair options.
One of the lines was from a designer laughing at all the idiots who thought the Ursula Andress bikini or James Bond tuxedo would have them looking like Ursula Andress or James Bond.
Shutupshutupshutupshutup. You are treading on my dreams.
I think men's sizes have started drifting up, so that men can pat themselves on the back for staying trim. I'm now the exact same size I was when I was a skinny teenager. Clearly Oreos are slimming.
51: More the latter. Good looking kid, but in a corn-fed Missouri kind of way, and not comfortable in his suit. I wonder if placement offices give men tie advice -- I certainly got discussion of what an interview suit looks like. (I may have been in the last year to be explicitly warned not to wear pants, because some places will ding you for it. That can't be true anymore, can it?)
45, 54: I'm going swimming with a belt knife right now.
My mom has drifted from being a size 6 (and occasionally an 8) in the 1950s and 60s to wearing children's clothes from Hanna Anderson.
How shiny was the black satin tie? Also, is his fiance Marisa Tomei?
men's sizes have started drifting up
I think that's right.
I had a dream last night that a young man I know had started wearing women's blouses as some kind of statement. Not like he was cross-dressing completely, but just the tops. And a colleague of mine was so scandalized--not by the queerness of it, she said, but because it was an ugly look. And in the dream I got really mad at the colleague and started yelling about how young people are trying to find themselves, etc. It was a really fucking dumb dream. But I woke up feeling pissed at people who are catty about fashion.
59: Quite shiny, but not maximallly shiny -- it could have been shinier. It looked like an expensive tie a well dressed man would wear to a funeral (with a suit that wasn't navy blue.)
I haven't read the thread yet, but: Definitive proof no one reads my comments! I posted that link here like a week ago!
When I graduated from Fancy Law School in 2008, there were guides circulating that told women which firms they could wear pantsuits to interview for (and which favored hose with skirt suits) but men were expected to Just Know These Things.
48: or my hair really is as ridiculously difficult to cut as I fear it is
Likely, I think. The pictures I've seen of you show naturally curly hair that's a lot like mine, and it is difficult to get a good cut -- you have to shop around for someone who specializes. Word is that one is supposed to ask when phoning for an appointment: do you have someone who specializes in naturally curly hair? Otherwise they don't take you seriously. (Of course, it's hard to take yourself seriously if you actually ask that question.)
Does anyone specialize in wiry hair?
Have I told the story of my way too skinny legged suit here? I guess that's the whole story. Let's just say I didn't really realize that I looked like I was getting ready to appear as the frontman for some overstylized inide band until I was actually walking up to the lectern for the oral argument. Didn't seem to affect the result, thank goodness.
64: presumably most men correctly intuited that they should avoid wearing skirt suits in interviews almost universally?
Aren't men sizes for pants just x inches?
Having no clue what 'mom jeans' were I went to the explanatory post. Verdict: all the ones that don't look like there's some wrinkly loose fitting denim fabric wrapped around somebody's ass, and there are only a couple of those, look just fine.
And on Monday I wore a black silk tie, fairly shiny, with a shirt with this pattern kind of like this one: http://clotheshorse.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/2012-04-01_1333317440.jpg
I wouldn't wear that to a law firm interview, though, or with a solid blue shirt. Definitely Uncle Ed territory.
Mine's more very wavy and bushy than it is actually curly (which has made me wonder whether curl specialists would actually be suitable), but unruly for sure.
68: I know of only a few counterexamples.
67: I was watching one of those Inspector Lewis mysteries on PBS, and Lewis's young partner was wearing a black suit with amazingly skinny pants and a super skinny tie. He looked like an extra in Quadrophenia and the whole thing said D&G way more than it said DS. I haven't seen enough of the show to know if he's been affirmatively characterized as a fashion guy (and he's definitely not handsome model guy). I mean, many men at work wouldn't even hazard any sort of black suit.
A few days ago when I was wearing a new-ish pair of pants someone told me "nice pants!" and seemed really kind of shocked, which left me wondering just how awful my pants usually look.
Men's sizes for pants are nominally measurements, but try taking a tape measure to your pants and you'll see that they lie, sometimes by a lot. See this chart, showing "36 inch" waists that measure from 37 to 41 inches.
Black suit = funeral director from what I've seen.
71: That is like mine, I think. I don't get curls in the sense of tight columns, the way truly curly hair does, but it is the sort that, if cut ineptly, looks like a Christmas tree. When it was longer than scalp-length, I usually aimed for something like a lion's mane shape. It was expensive to have done right, but when I found a hairdresser who could do it, I was devoted to her.
but it is the sort that, if cut ineptly, looks like a Christmas tree.
My sister.
78: No. I think at least one of my older pairs is.
Aren't men sizes for pants just x inches?
In theory. In practice, no; I vary between a 32" and 34" waist depending on manufacturer and cut.
73 -- I think that my particular suit looks awesome, but it's not courtroom appropriate for sure. For a while I had a "jury suit" (i.e. a deliberately cheap, plain, boring suit designed to not look fancy) but it started to fit too poorly even for its intended purpose, and sadly was never worn before an actual jury.
82: Oh, I'm sure it is! And tv suit was awesome too! It just wasn't a cop-in-Oxford suit. But you LA types could probably go to court in one of those Yohji kilts.
This isn't news, but for curly hair, there's a difference between curly and thick, and curly and thin (or fine). Mine's the latter; I look like a drowned cat with wet hair, but when it's dry, I suddenly have a halo around my head, until it turns limp; or when it's short, I look like Little Orphan Annie, with the ringlets.
Curly and thick -- you guys have a different situation. The professional hair community must know about you!
43
All sizes are a joke now. You would think that sizes based on waist measurements would be accurate because, well, measurement, duh. But apparently not. 5 inches off!
Wow, that post is terrible. News flash! Old Navy jeans don't fit as well as Sevens! Her contention that all the jeans are comparably priced is laughable. It's also interesting that almost all of the better fitting jeans she shows have designs all over the pockets. I don't want ill fitting jeans, but I also don't need ass bling.
Also, the preferred booty shape appears to be bulbous. My ass is bulbous enough already, thank you.
Fast and bulbous. Bulbous, also tapered.
Fast and bibulous, rhythmic and bilious?
I would also appreciate it if stores would stop changing what their sizes mean.
Everyone knows women's sizes have been the locus of relentless pandering and flattery for years, but men's sizes are definitely on the way there too. I bought some new jeans a few days ago. Of course I look fabulous, but even I find it hard to believe that my waist measurement is the same now as it was when I was 19.
I wonder if placement offices give men tie advice -- I certainly got discussion of what an interview suit looks like.
I was told by a placement office that I should change my tie, because it had a stain on it. I said "who cares about a little stain?" They said "maybe usually it wouldn't be a big deal, but people usually try to avoid that sort of thing in interviews." I scoffed, and didn't change my tie, but in retrospect it was probably good advice.
Also, my main law firm interview suit was a very shiny olive-green. "Use-car salesman," was the message it sent, although I didn't realize that at the time. I thought it was fine, because I'd bought it from Men's Warehouse.
I wish I wasn't serious.
97 is meant to imply: for people who haven't been acclimated to professional-class aesthetic values, this stuff isn't necessarily obvious. A black tie with a blue suit? Really, things could be worse.
(I, of course, interviewed with law firms with a skinned knee and my skirt split up the back because I'd just tripped and fallen down a half-flight of stairs. But that wasn't really a fashion decision, and I've told the story before.)
Do you remember with what your tie was stained, urple?
Do you remember with what your tie was stained, urple?
Ouds, don't you know that all fancy law firm interviews are like this?
I think bleach, at least. Something white.
Linguistically, I don't think bleach can stain.
You guys have successfully kept me from doing work. Wait a minute, was this Trapnel's anti-copyright strategy all along?
||
Christ. Natilo is right about everything.
|>
109: My sense of reality is approaching Natilo's more and more every day. There must be some seriously scared people amongst the powers that be.
OP lady is a little nuts. Also I think in several instances she's just wrong. OTOH I like the smaller pockets. But... unless the pockets are big enough to get a wallet in there, I cannot endorse them--that shit ain't acceptable.
111: I really don't understand keeping a wallet in the back pocket. You'd just be off balance no matter what.
113: you carry two wallets, one for each pocket.
(N.B. my dad actually does this, although not for reasons of balance.)
Ok, Tweety, did he have a fake ID? just separate equally by size? I'm deeply intrigued!
Ok, Tweety, did he have a fake ID? just separate equally by size?
No no, neither.
Does he belong to every discount club, museum, and free sandwich-punch card program in the area?
Carrying a decoy in case he gets mugged?
One of those key holder things that looks like a wallet? I think my Dad still carries one of those.
Change through $20 bills in one pocket, $50 bills and up in the other?
Because my grandfather did that.
113: It can actually cause back problems. I'm pretty sure it exacerbated my (mild) sciatica.
118: He should rig his decoy to explode in a cloud of blue paint when opened.
123: I agree that my more-than-mild sciatica explains some of my amazement.
The decoy is carefully curated. You don't want the would-be mugger suspicious they'd be had. I think he usually keeps at least a little cash in there, plus possibly some store cards or something that aren't expired.
What I'm saying is good luck if you mug my dad, suckers. How will you know?
|| Yeah, my best (most successful, least wrenching...) breakup ever was when I pretty much live-commented the breakup from the Libertarian here, with collective guidance from the Mineshaft. That went so well! I just broke up with the bourbon squanderer. Made the call Friday. Backslid mildly over the weekend after some pleading. ("Ok, fine, give me a reason to think you would not be terrible for me." He didn't.) Made the final call after dinner and a great talk w/ his sister last night. ("My mom and I were talking. And if he makes you happy, Di, that's all I want. But we can't figure out what you see in him." I couldn't either.) Thought I was good and done, then spent the better part of this evening sucked into another useless, tedious, aggravating rehash. ("I can't believe you are just giving up on us. Why won't you tryyyyyy?") I am done, done, done, done, done. So why am I so phenomenally bad at just sticking with, "I'm done, discussion over, leave me the fuck alone."? Forget life-coaches. I think there is a real market for breakup coaching. |>
I think there is a real market for breakup coaching.
That's probably spot on.
128: Don't get sucked into the "let's be friends right away" trap! I had a horrible (murderous) boyfriend in college who had mastered the art of sucking me back in every week or so until finally I was screaming FUCK OFF in his face in public and then moving swiftly away. Just remember that the "you are so cruel!" line is one that they've been using for hundreds of years to play on female empathy. It's a trap!
128: You left off another part you mentioned elsewhere, but I think what you're saying is that being a "nice" person and having healthy boundaries is hard. My suggestion is not to be friends with your boyfriends' sisters. I've biased things on this end since Lee is friends with my brothers and her family is too far away for me to have to deal with their input, so ha!
109: Eh, We're used to it.
You know, that reminds me of this story (perhaps just because of the line, "According to a copy of the warrant, agents were looking for ... computers . . .").
113: I have such poor posture it hardly matters in the least
I know! The suckish thing is I really like his family and they really like me and, per the sister, mom at least still wants to come over Labor Day weekend (BBQ, if anyone is gonna be in Chicago...) even knowing he will not be there. And I really like them! But that's weird, right? (Weirder, sister pointing out that her *other* brother isn't seeing anyone right now...) Gah! I finally found the perfect in-laws, I just can't stand the guy.
Ugggh, sympathies Di.
Thought I was good and done, then . . .
I don't know, if you're used to making decisions collaboratively with somebody else its difficult to break that habit and just act unilaterally.
(Is this why people cheat as a way to break up relationships? It does create circumstances in which ending the relationship can be a consensus decision . . .)
134: Others may disagree, but I have been in a similar situation with a few exes' families, and I have not been able to keep the family and lose the relationship, even when, in both cases, the family thought I should break up with the guy. In both cases, it was way too sad, when I should have been enjoying the good things about being single. YMMV.
131: . My suggestion is not to be friends with your boyfriends' sisters.
Worked out to my advantage in this case.
Plus side, like 2 hours after I broke it off, a different guy I very slightly know showed up out of nowhere and suggested we have lunch next week. Ok!
But that's weird, right? (Weirder, sister pointing out that her *other* brother isn't seeing anyone right now...) Gah! I finally found the perfect in-laws, I just can't stand the guy.
Obviously this is a different situation, but: my parents divorced about 7 years ago, after something like 30 years together. My mother's still very much involved with my father's family; she came out to CA (and he didn't) to go with me to their big Christmas dinner, she's had his siblings visit for extended periods, etc.
Things change with kids/speed skating.
Plus side, like 2 hours after I broke it off, a different guy...
I assume you've considered harvesting kidneys while you're at it.
Speaking of crime, how many times does a guy have to get mugged before the idea of a decoy wallet seems reasonable?
Plus side, like 2 hours after I broke it off, a different guy I very slightly know showed up out of nowhere and suggested we have lunch next week. Ok!
I've told this before, but when I was much younger and even less mature than I am now, right at the end of my second year of college, I broke off an awkward not-exactly-dating thing with the administrative assistant of the department in which I was majoring. I was in tears as I stumbled down the stairs of her apartment building, N-Sync's "Bye Bye Bye" stuck in my head, when I saw like $200 just lying on the staircase. This was a multifamily dwelling, so what was I supposed to do, go knocking door to door, asking whether somebody had dropped $200 in cash? Arguably, yes! But I told myself that this was a sign that the universe approved.
Anyway, good for you, Di. Breaking up is very hard.
143: I can only speak anecdotally, but apparently just once.
To be fair, if you're saving yourself from decades of back problems, maybe it's more like that one mugging was just the push you needed.
I have lit upon a different solution to both problems.
136: As with many things, there is a Sex and the City about this. Justin Theroux is adorable, but you can't stay friends with his mom Rhoda after you break up.
I believe I've mentioned before that my ex lived with my mom for like year after we broke up. They have remained friends, and in fact both the ex and her mom recently stayed with my mom for a couple weeks, unbeknownst to me until afterwards.
I don't recall that, but you've been here longer than me.
148: huh. I was going to say "exoskeleton with pockets", but sure, yeah, basically.
My closest friend from when I was a kid (say age 5 to age mmm 20-21 or so) dated a girl (who I dated as well, actually, before he did -- weird, but not as weird as the rest of this) who went completely institutionalizably crazy during their relationship. She also became very close with his father and his father's second wife, and remained close with them after the breakup, despite the fact that she --- having been crazy -- had been really terrible to their son. This drove the son and his father apart, and their relationship remained strained at best until the father died unexpectedly a year or so ago. Then the father's second wife sued the kids to get the inheritance.
Anyhow, funny story.
So, I should probably uninvite them from the BBQ.
I'm pretty sure my dad is still fb friends with my abusive ex, though it's been a good decade now since my mom said I couldn't call him abusive since I was probably just being emotional and if he'd been abusive they would have been able to tell or some shit. This is just me trolling the thread, though, as there are reasons for people to be friends with exes' families that don't involve creepy stalking.
In fact, we have an awkward one since Lee stayed close to the parents of her ex-GF who lasted almost a decade as a couple without actually coming out and who insists her parents can't know of any suggestions she might be gayish, but I also insist that there's no room for euphemisms on who we are when Mara is in the picture, so Lee wants to take Mara to meet the survivng parent she visits every few months and yet is afraid Mara will out everyone and this will ruin the ex's life.
143: How likely would a decoy be to protect you in a mugging, though? More reliable for pickpocketing, I'd surmise.
158.2: Has anybody made an app for tracking who's out to who?
159: If the mugger slips and says, "Give me your wallet" instead of "Give me all of your wallets," you're set.
158: Yeah, I was livid about my mom continuing to buddy up to UNG post-divorce. Objectively, I know it's a bad idea and just feels kind of mean. But his mom likes me way more than my mom likes me! So unfair.
So, I should probably uninvite them from the BBQ.
No, no, don't uninvite them; the worst that happens is that it's horribly awkward, but even then, you'll have stories to tell us.
150: after I broke up with my HS BF and he went back to DC and lived at my house for a while. it was really annoying of him. ring ring "hello?" "um, charles, can I talk to my mom?"
Yeah, when my ex was living with my mom she would never answer the phone or anything. Her presence didn't really interfere at all with my relationship with my mom. It would have been a lot more difficult if that hadn't been the case.
I've carried two wallets - one in Canadian currency/cards and one in US - but I had only the one for the country I was in in my pocket, with the other in my backpack or luggage.
One of my exe- girlfriends is still friends with my mom. But it probably helps that she's also still friends with me. Tonight, I'm going to a party that she and her husband are throwing because another of my ex-girlfriends is in town visiting for a few days.
If I get along with someone well enough to date them, it should follow a fortiori that I would get along with them well enough to be friends.
If I get along with someone well enough to date them, it should follow a fortiori that I would get along with them well enough to be friends.
My corollary to that being, if we can't get along well enough to keep dating, what makes you think we could get along well enough to be friends?
169: Ah - so for you, someone is dateable if and only if they are friendable?
I suppose that would be true for me as well if I were in a polyamorous relationship. But my requirements for long-term exclusive pair bonding are somewhat higher. Someone could want different things out of a romantic relationship, and still be perfectly fine to hang out with.
Oh, I suppose it all depends. Friendable is kind of a minimum bar for dateable (in the sense of having a relationship, maybe not for a casual flingy date). But basically my requirements for long-term pair-bonding are friendability + sexual compatibility. And I'm pretty flexible on the latter (fruit, low-hanging). So odds are generally good that if I break up with someone, we aren't going to be friends.
