I have a side-bet with myself about one of the answers that will appear in the first ten guesses.
Fake blood. All over the bed, sheets, floor, etc. Gallons of it.
A hobo train consultant? A genuinely novel sexual act? A sloth? Buffy the Vampire Slayer? A ball of bloody fingers?
small piece of dried meat?
preferably resembling an infant foreskin.
preferably resembling an infant foreskin.
Are there photo references or is one just supposed to work from memory?
Well, if your memory goes back that far, Tweety.
Hey, I dodged that particular... thing of no particular valence one way or the other.
A dummy dressed in full SS uniform plus a strap-on.
A rational actor?
(Assume the babysitter is an economist.)
(Assume the babysitter is an spherical economist.)
If the babysitter is an economist, you could really blow their mind by leaving a $20 bill in the crib.
A trolley car and a note of apology.
Jesus's Eternal Love?
Or no, no, like a giant dildo?
Yeah, 27 is the thread-killer. Jeez, man. Did you have to go there?
Wait parsimon hide in the bed it'll be funny.
I had a dream once where someone was telling me about amateur porn they'd found of McMegan. I really need to turn off the computer.
33: plus, crush videos are illegal.
Ummm, so anyway, in the bed, a puppet, one of those wooden puppets, like Chuckie.
To be clear: 29 was not written in defense of MM, but rather the imaginary child who would have to face such a thing.
Have I ever told the story here of my college friend who tried to "prank"
There was this extremely tall, bald, slightly older guy in the dorm, who looked like Bull from Night Court. Bull, in addition to looking weird, was also sort of a jerk and an easy target for teasing. He was teased a lot, sometimes mercilessly. Everyone lived in singles in this particular dorm.
Bull's door is unlocked in the evening, and Bull is just about to leave the common room to go to sleep. My friend goes into Bull's room, and hides under the bed, waiting to grab Bull as he lies down for the evening and give Bull a good scare. That's the prank.
Bull walks in and sits down, in front of the mirror. Bull puts his head in his hands and starts crying. "It's just not true what they say. Don't listen to them. It just isn't true. It's just not true." Bull is balling. My friend gets nervous, comes out from under the bed, apologizes under his breath very awkwardly, and runs out of the room.
What's that in the bed? Little Face Mitt!
36: Right, 30 was meant in that way as well.
37: My cow-orker has told me about a couple of college pranks gone wrong in roughly that way as well.
I never did pranks, as far as I can remember, so it all seems weird.
When I first went to college I knew these high-spirited, pranking kind of guys. Big dudes. One played football. One day the one of them took off all his clothes and put on a pizza box over his crotch. He ran into the room of these freshmen on the floor screaming "hide me! You've got to hide me!" Freshmen dudes were like "uhhh get in the closet wtf?" A little while later second dude runs up starts banging on the door. Freshmen answer; dude is livid with rage. "Have you seen a guy wearing a pizza box?" "What, no?" "HAVE YOU SEEN A GUY WEARING A PIZZA BOX?" "No, dude!" "I KNOW HE'S IN HERE. WHERE IS HE? I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. I KNOW HE IS IN HERE. TELL ME WHERE HE IS."
So, babysitter comes upstairs: guy in a pizza box!
Heebie, you lost your bet. What was your guess?
Nothing in the bed and footprints leading to the window.
Or monster footprints back to the closet.
By the way, I have no clue what's going on with the punctuation in 37 or why prank is in "quotes." Who knows how I will or will not punctuate things.
In the bed is another bed! And in that, another bed! And more beds, and more, and more! And at the top of the beds, a famous cosmologist.
Stories like 37 make me feel like crying. So much misery out there.
And at the top bottom of the beds, a famous cosmologist turtle.
48: Additionally, turtles are used to fill the pillows, all the down way.
43: I totally lost the bet! I felt sure someone would say "Rapist!"
47: me too. Also makes me wish I'd been more kind to more people.
37 makes me glad, again, that the college pranks I was involved with were elaborate engineering projects. I would never have had a chance to use the wind tunnel otherwise!
Is it ever too soon for a rapist?
I thought it was still Yom Kippur.
If I was drunk I might understand what the hell I'm talking about.
I thought it was still Yom Kippur.
Only in Alaska.
If you were drunk, you might understand what the hell heebie is talking about.
||Not news, but sakes alive, Allen West is a cuckoo bird.|>
Huh, it turns out that Bull is now an insurance rep living in El Centro. I hope El Centro has made him feel better, but I doubt it.
I gotta admit, "Rapist" was not anywhere near one of my guesses.
I am also getting flashback to the Release Roderick scene in Life of Brian.
52: makes me wish I'd been more kind to more people.
And a lot meaner to a few, particular people. Fortunately, it's not too late to do something about that!
I'm also confused as to why the "rapist" response would be a likely answer.
"Rapist": The feminists' answer for everything.
Isn't a rapist the worst possible thing the parents could leave for the baby-sitter?
A rapist would be the worst, but a dead cat with a photo of a baby's head stapled to it might be the creepiest.
Creepier than a live baby with a cat's head stapled to it?
THE LIVE BABY WITH THE DEAD CAT'S HEAD STAPLED TO IT IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!!!!
After the explosion it's more of an ex-rapist.
Most of us aren't as blasé about rape humor as you, Heebs.
I assumed you were expecting "A dead baby". That being a popular punch line for jokes.
To be clear, I find the rape joke horrible and degenerate. I just have low expectations for my cretin community.
I assumed you were expecting "A dead baby".
Maybe an "adult baby" would be more horrifying.
We have a stand mixer we never use because we all like our stands to be separated.
Adult baby baby-rapist who staples cat heads to you.
And then dies. And there's blood everywhere.
Maybe an "adult baby" would be more horrifying.
Not a fan of Renaissance painting, I take it.
105: Sir, get your mind out of the gutter!
37 reminds me of a guy I went to college with. Really big guy, super tall and awkward and nerdy. He was kind of a doofus, but earned the nickname "Stalker [dude's first name]" on account of his habit of developing a crush on girls and then following them around all puppy-dog-like. It eventually got so bad that some people in the dorm got together and told him to knock it off.
I found his blog a few years after I'd graduated from college. He hadn't changed at all and was still completely mystified as to why women weren't interested in him. It was the most depressing thing I'd ever seen.
An illegitimate rapist. They're the kind that can get you pregnant.
|| I saw this story in the WSJ recently and would like to know how the study in question (in which students are falsely accused of academic misconduct in order to see if they will take a deal) got by the review board. |>
... Somebody was testing the ethics of review boards?
...40 women of different ages. When the girl asks "Who are you?" they answer "The previous babysitters."
For Brits: Lord Lucan
For Americans; Amelia Earhart
Amelia Earhart would be impressive. She'd be 115 years old.
100: My own side bet with myself about this post was how long it would take for that to get linked. Not watching it again, nooo!
118: I like to watch it every Christmas.
Isn't the answer always Jesus? Somehow?
Isn't the answer always Jesus?
Yes.
Isn't the answer always Jesus?
Jesus.
Oh that stupid chain letter has made a comeback has it? Well, what should probably be in the kid's bed along with the peacefully sleeping kid is a copy of this chain letter debunking along with a note to the prankster to get some sort of a life.
I blame the rape jokes on heebie-heebie. Heebie-geebie would never do such a thing.
Heebie's full of babymaking hormones. Nobody knows what she'll do next! It could be four months of swimming and Christy Turlington posts.
Papa Ubu
Mama Ubu
Captain Bordure
King Wenceslas and Queen Rosemonde
Their sons Boleslas, Boggerlas, and Ladislas
General Laski
Stanislas Leczinsky
Johannes Sobiesky
Nicholas Rensky
Emperor Alexei
Palotins: Giron, Pile, Cotice
The Disembraining Machine
The Ship's Captain
Michael Fedorovitch
Nobles
Magistrates
Phynanciers
Councilors
The Whole Russian Army
The Whole Polish Army
Mama Ubu's Guards
A Captain
A Bear
The Phynancial Horse
The Crew
Conspirators and Soldiers
Crowds
Lackeys of Phynance
Peasants
118: Thanks for the warning. I don't even want to know what it is.
Nothing but a link to a comment by Ogged from 2007.
Whatevs, dude. I'm gonna trust Blume.
If you're curious, the link is to an old comment thread that links to weird porn, and reading the thread will explain the porn.
that links to weird porn
Specifically "the most hilariously weird porn ever," according to Dear Leader (PBUH).
114 and 131 get bonus points, but this whole thread has made my day. My guess was incredibly lame: a surprise party of all the baby sitter's friends.
Because you're a better person than the rest of the degenerates here.
Well, I've been part of a lot of surprise birthdays lately. :-)
37 is incredibly sad, but I kind of feel like someone who was able to cry and loudly articulate his affirmation for himself in the tender youth of college is probably going to make it, and I'm hopeful for him, and sort of proud of his strength in dealing with his adversity. The friend, under the bed, not so much.
Obviously the babysitter should enter the bedroom to find a big bald dude weeping and balling the fuck out of someone.