The Discovery Channel really is making people the world over a lot stupider.
But this part of the article is definitely true:
When a man is exposed to a woman's copulins over time, she is eventually able to:1) Change, remove, or insert memories
2) Tell the male what he sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes
3) Insert subconscious thoughts that will surface as male "ideas" or behavior later
4) Plant trigger words or actions that can cause thoughts, actions, or sensations in the male at later dates (days, weeks, even months)
It doesn't even require 'copulins'.
What Ned said. Like, why is this crazy more interesting than all the other crazy on the internet? Also, precious bodily fluids.
It's not more amazing. But it was chosen.
Like, why is this crazy more interesting than all the other crazy on the internet?
Why do we recline (without thrusting) while paying attention to this crazy, but not other crazy?
WE MUST USE THIS POWER ONLY FOR THE GOOD.
Yeah! Who posted this stupid shit, anyway?
100 mL is a LOT of fluid. Also, apparently birth control ruins ladies' ability to control minds. Explains why evangelical households are totally dominated by the wife, but in subtle ways so the godly men suspect nothing!
Jammies, whose shaft remains one-way
That would be in the butt, Bob.
You know what this sounds like? Catching a bird by putting salt on its tail. If you can (get close enough to a bird to put salt on its tail)(get a man to stay motionless inside you for 15 minutes) you can probably (catch it)(control his mind).
14 -- Well, if one wanted to get random men to turn over car keys, ATM cards, and pin numbers, a much more efficient method would be having a syringe full of the stuff beforehand, ready to fill up the tube at the outset. Getting a man to stand still for 15 seconds in anticipation of 'oral sex he'll never forget' may well be easier than putting salt on a bird's tail.
16: couldn't you just follow the time-honored method of roofies if all you wanted was stuff?
I think this stuff only works if you've been abducted by traction beams and you're fucking a Small Grey. Whether the Small Grey has to be the male or the female partner, I remain unclear.
Whoa, I hadn't clicked through to the full crazy before just now, which ends, wonderfully, with:
Without proper data, I can only guess what is happening at the chemical level.
Great great great.
Man, it's just full of gems:
I have other theories which I will not present here at the risk of offending anyone. But my final argument: As always with nature, if it exists it has a purpose. And that is science, my friends.
That is the most scientific science.
[Obvious reference]!
The link in the Hairpin article to the full write-up of the "research." For some reason it's not loading for me right now, but it was a minute ago.
24: You're supposed to wait 15 minutes.
It's clearly the work of an insane person.
For the record, comments like 7 are pretty much guaranteed to royally piss me the fuck off. What a stupid thing to post, Heebie! Why would you post such a stupid time-waster about sex to a website pretty much conceived on the premise of stupid time-wasters about sex?
Heebie, I think this crazy is especially interesting. I am very high on vicodin right now, though.
I mean, come on:
Without being so technical, what are copulins?
Right. Because the last thing anyone would want is a technical scientific explanation of something you're claiming is a chemical that women shoot into dudes' dickholes to make them stop playing golf.
For example, the male might be thinking about playing golf on Tuesday, even though he knows the female doesn't like him to play golf. If the female stated that he won't think about golf anymore, and will instead think of her, the male will find himself incapable of thinking of golf while the copulins are present.
Copulins block golf!
Re 27: Here's a really good post over at LGM you should have posted on, Heebie. All about Ketchup v other condiments. MUCH more useful!
http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2013/09/ketchup
The link in 28 is full of awesome from the get go. "Welcome to my research on copulins," we are told. Whose research, we may wonder. I'm sticking with my Small Grey theory. That site was posted by aliens for their own inscrutable reasons.
Also, I'm glad the vicodin is working.
I don't think I've ever been more disappointed by blocked access than now (thanks, work!). I really want to see that full article. It's like someone read a paper about pheromones and took it to the nth power of crazy. I want to see isolation and full characterization of copulins! Maybe women should have evolved barbed vaginae to keep men from pulling out before the 15 min was up.
Seconding 32.2.
If memory serves, wait-inside-my-vagina-for-15-minutes technique is also how cats use toxoplasmosis to alter human/mouse behavior.
That site was posted by aliens for their own inscrutable reasons.
See, scientifically speaking, this only works if your aura is indigo and you haven't poisoned your body with the mercury from vaccines; big vaccine doesn't want you to know this one weird old trick to prevent your man from transmitting herpes to you AND lower (subsidize) your car insurance payments.
Wasn't there an old thread about some group of conservative teenagers who had decided it wasn't "real" sex if there was no thrusting, and so was okay despite their strict religion? I tried to Google it with no luck, and now my Google search history is going to look even weirder than it usually does.
Wait, the only link I see in the Hairpin article is to a Discovery channel documentary posted on Youtube. (Hence my 1.) I can't actually watch the video because the kids are reading this as I type.
the kids are reading this as I type.
"Dad, this is the worst game ever. Why don't you play Bejeweled Blitz, now?"
conservative teenagers who had decided it wasn't "real" sex if there was no thrusting, and so was okay despite their strict religion?
Among mormons the term I've heard for it is "soaking".
29: Appreciated! And glad the vicodin-veil is making you feel good.
Oh, wait, there's the link. Nevermind.
31 That thread doesn't answer the question of which condiments are better for use in sex. The time honored one is whipped cream but I'm sure siriacha, which apparently improves everything, deserves a chance.
40: Yeah, I was sure there was a thread in TFA where that was discussed, but when I search I just get lots of results where people are talking about beans or hot tubs.
OK, there is actual science about copulins. I cannot imagine the poor students on the projects leading to publications titled Anal gland secretion of the red fox (in Nature!) and Mammalian chemical communication: perineal gland secretion of the guinea pig. Just in case anyone was curious about the jumping off point for the crazy.
46: Back on the veldt, they could study the Mounting gnus and capulins.
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Somebody probably should have told me about The Distillers before now.
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Oh god. I just know that if I showed this to the right person at the gnudiara they would republish and be proud.
Deliver me from temptation
Obviously, this needs more research. Somebody should write a grant. If you do, let me know how you design the control group.
This part is pretty great:
The biggest question I am asked is "Why does this happen?" My answer depends on whom I am talking to, but to be honest, I don't know. I am a hormonologist, not a sociologist, but I have many theories, and being a woman, my opinions are biased.
Unlike many of my colleagues, I believe this to be an intended natural process. Most feel that a small amount of copulin transmission during intercourse has the purpose of relaxing the male and helping the couple "bond". My argument is, "Then why should the female body create such a powerful hormone only to relax the male?" To me it makes as much sense as using a broom to brush your teeth.
No, I feel it is not only the intended process, but the required process to build a strong, loving relationship. I do not see it as chemical brainwashing as Dr. Ayallah has suggested in his thesis of October 2001. All males who have been exposed to copulins have reported feeling much better about themselves and their mates. Those males who were repeatedly exposed to copulins said they would not have it any other way now, and were quite happy to allow their female partners to "tailor" the relationship. Most expressed relief that the burden of responsibility was lifted and felt very little stress in their lives. I have other theories which I will not present here at the risk of offending anyone. But my final argument: As always with nature, if it exists it has a purpose. And that is science, my friends.
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Day 865: Hokey Pokey discovers there's a hole in his bottom.
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"Men who have had their penises inside of women for moderately long periods of time are happier and feel better about the women whose genitals are in close proximity to their own. This counter-intuitive finding is not explainable by current sociological theory. More research is needed."
56: oh no! Maybe if he plugs it with a Lego that'll fix it.
being a woman, my opinions are biased.
Well, duh.
Also I feel like 36 is sort of missing the point, that this was written with a wink. The author was making a joke with the "one weird trick" line.
I certainly don't see how it is going to help with not transmitting herpes.
Maybe it will make them helpfully difficult to diagnose? I mean if they're internal.
Teach yourself to have lyme disease using this one weird tick.
A tick in the urethra might be really hard to diagnose.
At least until dinner is started for the tick.
The only treatment is to send a candiru up to kill it.
Make your candles last longer using this one tiered wick.
No, I understood it to be tongue in cheek-i was laughing with the linked piece, and at the discovery show.
Make your candirus last longer with this one seared prick
I am a hormonologist, not a sociologist
I like how closely this parallels heebie's "I'm a mathematician, not an arithmetician!", only kind of upside-down and backwards.
No one's answered the obvious question- why does it not work with thrusting? Thrusting must have a purpose, it's science!
Make your Mileys last longer with this one reared twerk!
Make your cunnilingus last longer with this one beard berserk.
74: oh, what a difference punctuation can make!
Make your beard beserk with this one, smeared thick.
Make your Moby fabled with this one feared hick.
Make your lines all blurry with this one new Thicke.
Make your filmmaking more obstructed with this von Triered flick.
Make your jokes repetitive with this one tired shtick!
I'm not fabled, but my house is gabled.
Make your life more classy with this stuff from the Frick.
"I'm a hormonologist, not a sociologist."
"You certainly are. But I'm not really a monologist."
A person who studies mononucleosis?
Make your oil spills spread with this one squirty slick.
Make your keyboard awkward with this one qwerty uiop.
I'm holding my breath right now, because we got bunk bed for the kids and put Ace down in the crib, in the same room as the kids, and just walked out, after story time. It's the first time we've laid her down wide awake, and the first time in the same room as the big kids. It's been about ten minutes and she's not fussing...
Plus Hawaii was a little fretful about being so close to the ceiling fan, but seems to be rolling with it...
What if they're all plotting against you?
Plus Hawaii was a little fretful about being so close to the ceiling fan, but seems to be rolling with it...
As long as her head's not rolling off.
As long as they're quiet. To 90 and 91.
89: Just like you taught her, "Every time a blade comes around roll towards the wall."
Find out why ceiling fan manufacturers hate local mom's weird bunk bed trick!
Get rid of belly fat with this one weird ceiling fan slip!
Hey, heebie is a local mom, isn't she? We should try some of her weird tricks.
64: a leech is fairly easy to diagnose, at least if "Matterhorn" is reliable on the subject (and why wouldn't it be).
A... what?
An endocrinologist who doesn't actually know anything about the endocrine system.
You know what this sounds like? Catching a bird by putting salt on its tail. If you can (get close enough to a bird to put salt on its tail)(get a man to stay motionless inside you for 15 minutes) you can probably (catch it)(control his mind).
Have I ever mentioned the time that I was 5 or maybe 6 and I wanted to catch a bird, so my mother sent me out in the yard with a salt shaker, giving me this advice?
Boy was she surprised when about 20 minutes later I walked in the house carrying a pigeon. And I was pretty damn impressed with the salt-on-the-tail trick, of which I'd been a little skeptical at first. (The poor pigeon was obviously sick, but a five year old doesn't know that.)
I would be pretty damn astonished if one of our kids caught a bird. (Cue Apo linking to the four-year-old stroking her pretty, limp, squirrel.)
Knowing that urple had to hunt for his own food as a child makes me understand why he's often ill at ease with aspects of civilisation like cooking and plumbing.
If urple's mom had sent him snipe hunting, he'd have come back with a new species.
103: Except, A snipe is any of about 25 wading bird species in three genera in the family Scolopacidae. They are characterized by a very long, slender bill and crypsis plumage
Being aware of the existence actual snipes as a kid, the "joke" of the snipe hunt somewhat eluded me for a while*. According to Wikipedia there is a connection with snipe and the term "sniper," the former apparently being notoriously hard to shoot.
*Maybe the joke itself was the "snipe" we were looking for... must try and think ...
I shot a snipe (i.e. woodcock) once. In my defense, I thought it was a quail and it could have been carrying a gun.
I shot a snipe (i.e. woodcock) once.
Just to watch it die.
To be honest, some guy I was with said it was a woodcock, but I didn't get an expert opinion. This was before cell phone cameras and such. I didn't eat it because it was not a quail or a dove and that's all I ever shot and ate.
And actually it was the other guy who shot it. I tend to miss a lot and was better at the eating part.
104: I had that problem, too.
107. There's not a lot of eating on a snipe. Traditionally, you don't take the guts out before you cook it, and then spread them on toast as an accompaniment. Which is why I've never been too keen to try it.
104: I think in the classic 'snipe hunt', you're sending someone who doesn't know what a snipe is out into the woods using tactics that wouldn't work on an actual snipe -- something like "Wait here, very quietly, and we'll chase the snipe toward you. Shoot when it comes crashing out of the underbrush."
You're supposed to give them a sack to put over the snipe, not a gun. Because the way we always did it involved you letting them sit out in the dark for a while and then sneaking up behind them. You don't want to get shot.
According to Wikipedia there is a connection with snipe and the term "sniper," the former apparently being notoriously hard to shoot.
The latter too.
Read Gallipoli Sniper: The life of Billy Sing a few years back. Quite something, although I give little credence to the various counts of "kills." A hell of a thing.
Jammies, whose shaft remains one-way
Thank you for making me laugh.
I just want to say: thank you for this, Heebie. I now have a scientific name for the way my ex used to totes drug me with the delights of her vajayjay. So much of What Has Gone Before makes so much more sense!
I won't go so far as to say you are one of History's Greatest Heroes in the class of Martin Luther King, Jr. or Flo Nightingale. But you're up there, hon. You're well up there.
(In case there is any confusion, because looking at it I can see how there might be: I'm not being in any way sarcastic in the above post.)
Where are the Opinionated Great Honored Matres/Bene Gesserit when you need them? I'd think of something myself, but I'm heading off to Greece, so suck it, 'Shafters!
But you're up there, hon. You're well up there.
Now hold still for 15 minutes.
119: I think that's what they mean by "Grexit".
117.2: In a class above Martin Short and Florence Henderson?
117: Glad to hear it! Sorry about your altered reality!
The girl is a sexist and dept head of anthropology uni of vienna AUS. Shes also a nazi feminist. Read the like like yahoo forum !
The girl is a dept head of anthropology uni of vienna AUS. Shes also a nazi feminist. Read the like like yahoo forum ! I think thats who is behind it all!