You don't need to worry about your kids' future. Obamacare won't really make all the doctors poor.
I like watching the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Seeing David Cross reminds me that lots of other people didn't achieve what might have been expected based in early promise.
I spent the morning watching The Croods, which imparted to me the lesson that Nic Cage is 50% less annoying when he's in cartoon form.
It important that kids be able to master the use of electronic devices at a young age, so, when they get a little older, they can make fun of their other friends - those from more luddite households - for being noobs.
whenever I hear "...and I turned out ok" I want to say something like "No you didn't. You're needy and manipulative."
The kid's techno teacher wrote the most hilarious note on his report card, speaking of needy & manipulative (although ineffectually manipulative!). Also, still the lowest grade in PE, so it turns out gymnastics truly was not graded although they spent just as much time on it as rugby and that indoor football thing where you use the walls. Two classes I would ditch in a heartbeat!
|| I realize this is early for a threadjack, but I have an ATM-appropriate situation that's way too frivolous to put into the other running threads. A coworker is having a bachelorette party. I've already said I'm going without reading the fine print. The invitation specifies that the bride-to be requests lingerie (size specified) and "adult gifts." This is WAY more awkward than whether to buy yoga pants for a secretary, partially because it would reveal something about MY preferences as well as what I'd guess of hers (of which I know nothing, thank goodness). There's got to be something out there that meets this obligation. Gift cards are listed as acceptable items, so maybe that's an out, but a slightly humorless one. Help! |>
9: You can never really go wrong with a giant, veiny, neon pink dildo.
Plus, what with global warming, it's not like we'll be here in 100 years anyway. Let the poor kids have fun while they can.
I was also going to suggest a giant dildo.
Maybe a gift certificate for an escort service.
Then again, who wouldn't appreciate a starter kit for teledildonics?
Or just a pack of batteries, with a note saying you assume she's already tooled up.
The kid's techno teacher
We never got classes in electronic dance music when I was in school. Must be a California thing.
lingerie (size specified)
Huh. I was going to say: go tasteful, like a charcoal gray silk or satin slip (the full-body kind, not just a skirt but a full slip), which avoids the sizing problem, but with size specified, uh, what size(s) are provided? Bra size, panty size? I'd cop out of that -- let others take a gamble there -- and really just go the safe and tasteful route.
That website chosen only because it had the most pictures!
And I really hope I'm not going to be looking at sidebar web ads for that site for the next 6 months.
Ydnew you work in a lab, right? Get her a carboy of lube.
10: I guess neon pink would take any suggestion of realism or seriousness out of the exercise!
15 is pretty good.
18: 34DD was the specified size. That level of specificity threw me a little.
20: Believe it or not, the preferred brand in our lab is made by a company called Analytical Technologies, so all the tubes say ANALTECH.
22 Well I think you've answered your own question then.
Oh my god how could I have forgotten fucksaws?
I say just own the "way too revealing" thing and "reveal" something awful and disturbing which will excuse you from any future versions of this problem.
"Umm... thank you ydnew! I'll just put this...uh..box of chicks, Enya CD, and ..knife? over here next to the other... sex toys?"
OK. I'm going to guess that someone who invites coworkers who do not know her very well, and specifies that lingerie and adult toys are requested, isn't looking for anything very sober. (Gawd, I'd be so out of my depth in that situation. Is this coworker rather young? What are the kids playing with these days?)
Or maybe the coworker is making this a coy/covert occasion for soliciting suggestions for things she'd otherwise not be aware of. In which case, fucksaw.
34DD was the specified size. That level of specificity threw me a little.
"The band size is greater than the number on a bottle of Rolling Rock and the cup size is a consonant."
The whole thing is tacky, but I think the least awkward gift is something in the specified category that is clearly a joke. To reveal something about the tackiness of my friends, I had an informal night-out-with-girlfriends before my wedding, that wasn't really a bachlorette party and no one was supposed to bring presents, but one friend gave me a pack of edible underwear, and another a truly bizarre vinyl fetishy French maid outfit. Stupid, but not the sort of awkward you're worried about.
29: Yeah, but if the gift request is serious, you don't want to suggest that you find it moronic. Myself, I'd still go with the tasteful/safe suggestion (upthread) and risk being the downer in the group.
Hey, maybe later, the bachelorette approaches ydnew and says, "You know, that satin teddy is really appreciated. Thanks. Hubby loves it."
Or not.
Buy her a nursing bra. When she asks why, say "I misunderstood the assignment."
Further to 31, "adult gift" might suggest a small life insurance policy.
It's kind of weird to invite co-workers to this kind of bachelorette party, isn't it?
Anyway, this is the best threadjack ever.
My life insurance policy came up for renewal with such a massive increase in the premium that I canceled it and now I want to buy more insurance just to prove there is a major corporation that believes I have less than 1 out of 1,000 odds of dying in a year.
You can't go wrong with a pigeon mask.
35: Did you recently take up some insanely dangerous hobby or something?
But they don't know that. I think they must figure if I don't have small child at home, I must known I'm not healthy if I renew it.
But you do have a small child at home, don't you?
But not one so small that he requires someone to stay home with him or expensive day care. Except in the summer. (And my work insurance will cover that.)
21: When you're that size, you have to specify by cup size, because most stuff won't fit otherwise. Still weird to do to a coworker. Get a gift card and tuck it in a jokier gift.
34DD was the specified size. That level of specificity threw me a little.
I don't really understand all-female rituals, but this strikes me as showing off.
Did you all do bridal showers? I didn't and find them bizarre. Baby showers make more sense to me, because you need stuff.
The bride is in her early 30s, and the hostess is, too. Not so much a "kids these days" problem.
29: I was hoping it would be goofy (but still cringeworthy given that it's coworkers) fun, but the wording seemed (to me) to indicate that "nice" gifts were what was wanted. Especially given the size info. For gag gifts, who cares if it fits? I'll clarify with the hostess, which should save me from embarrassment. If it's jokey, I will totally go with the neon pink veiny dildo!
33: Yes! But the environment is more like grad school than a "real job." Moderately long hours, people move here for the position, everyone's about the same age and life stage. I normally don't get invited to stuff like this (mercifully), but I'm actually closer to this coworker than most. Just not close enough to buy her sex toys and lingerie as other than a gag!
43: For things that are sized small/medium/large? That makes sense. I was thinking that the sizing implied the bride might be expecting actual bras or more structurally rigid lingerie.
I love 26 so much. It would definitely solve the problem of repeat invitations.
Follow the suggestion in 26 and then, if asked about it, just answer: "I turned out ok."
46 - I had one, which was okay because it wasn't themed and jokey and was actual friends and family and thrown by superb hosts (big family, outgoing people, and professional restauranteurs). The princess role was still slightly nutty-making.
That was a little chilly. It was objectively a wonderful party. I was okay, but only short of delighted because I am slightly wiggy.
My grandfather donated some land to build a library in the town where he grew up in Maryland (it was among the last parcels from the original colonial family land grant). They named the library after my great great grandfather, a former mayor of the town and also a confederate officer. They recently decided to remove his name from the library, in part because they built a new building and in part because, you know, confederate officer and the town is majority African-American. There was an unsuccessful campaign to keep my ancestor's name on the new building and my aunt briefly mooted the idea of the family weighing in favorably. I don't think anybody did, in the end, but if they had I was tempted to write a letter on the other side, strongly encouraging the town to ditch the name.
Way to post in the wrong thread, dipshit.
When I have to buy a gift for somebody I don't know well, I ask them if they prefer Rommel or Guderian. You have to have something to go on, personality-wise.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/72762971@N00/245499365
I think batteries are an excellent way to go, per chris y.
Named buildings are great as sexy gifts because of their association with the well-endowed.
The members of my graduate cohort who were also in my bridal party threw my bachelorette party, which was almost entirely classy (the almost being the obligatory stop at S/ex World, as S/mitten K/itten was closed). It was awesome.
Actual Advice: buy her a copy of InterCourses. Alternatively, a nice bottle of champagne, with the explanation that it's liquid courage for trying out the kinky gifts. I would not, under any circumstances, buy a coworker of any gender a sex toy. That would not be a fun detail to have unearthed in a lawsuit.
I hosted a friend's bachelor party. We forced him into a giant rabbit suit (which he'd been required to wear at another friend's Burning Man wedding) and drove him around on a party bus. Highlights included pulling the bus over at a hotel on the Sunset Strip and having everybody join the hotel workers' picket line, including the rabbit. Also got a friend wearing another rabbit suit to board the bus on Hollywood Boulevard and give him a lap dance without ever revealing her identity.
59.2 is right, except that having it come out in a lawsuit would be awesome. University lawyers need the practice on that kind of stuff.
Oh, you'll always know your neighbor, you'll always know your pal if you've ever litigated o'er a giant dil-do.
18: 34DD was the specified size.
And yet lingerie is not exhausted by the world of bras?
You could buy her a copy of Oh Joy Sex Toy and as a cop-out for revealing/assuming taste.
I really hope the friend wearing the other rabbit suit in 60 wasn't in on the bachelor party and just happened to be randomly encountered wearing the suit.
I also hope it was a Donnie Darko rabbit suit.
Give her a set of gray carpet samples and say that some have called your tastes singular.
What about chaps for her intended?
If her intended id marrying a woman, they might not be into chaps. Also, awkward on the wedding night.
The card attached has to say "I used this giant, veiny, neon pink dildo a lot as a child...and I turned out ok"
Offered without comment: John Thomas the Engine, the Backdoorigan, and Dora the Explorer.
A strap-on harness and accompanying dildo might be good for a laugh. Fuzzy cuffs are fun, too.
A friend of mine had a fun pin-the-cock-on-the-hot-guy game for her 40th that's probably available at sex toy shops.
There was a Smack the Pony sketch roughly about this (wedding registry at a sex shop), but it doesn't look like it's online individually.
73 There was a big poster of a cockless hot guy and a loose paper cock you could try to pin in the correct spot while blindfolded. Actually I think there may have been more than one paper cock, but I was drinking so no promises.
So, I've been watching Spartacus: blood and sand (yes, I know. I started watching it for the sex and violence, and got sucked into the actual story) and just found out that the guy who plays Spartacus died in 2011. Just as well I hadn't been enjoying it where it counts.
Oh, I can do this. I only own two sex toys, and both of them are really great. When one of my college roommates asked for "adult gifts" for her wedding, our other roommate and I went in on one of these (classy, effective, discreet). But the thing I actually like the best and have used on male and female partners with great success is this.
The links there are a good reason to remember not to stay logged into your Amazon account.
78: Does that link expose my identity? Or do you mean it put it on your account?
No, it didn't do either. It would just mean that an ad for it would follow me around the internet.
77: I'm disappointed the thing in your second link isn't called "Steely Dan".
Mads Mikkelsen is still fine though.
|>
I wish I had read 78 before clicking the link in 77.