"No one looked twice - until I uncorked a tampon and began to drink from it," is about as good of a sentence as you'll get in a product review.
I don't see the point of the toaster-face thing. I could see the use for an app that prints a headline or the weather on your toast.
Or reminders. "Garbage Out by 7" or something.
"Remember man, that thou are dust and unto dust thou (see next slice)"
I would rather like one that just printed TOAST on my toast.
Or possibly cryptic SOE-type messages.
"The hat of Napoleon has left the churchyard."
"My uncle's moustache is in Le Havre."
So now I can force the Virgin Mary to appear on my toast any time I want? And anyone else can do the same? Kinda takes the divine mystery out of it.
7 was my first thought as well. Any of 2 to 4 would be better than the selfie. Slightly more complex tech, but quite doable.
2: a guy at Brunel built one that phoned up the weather forecast and printed it on your toast back in 2001.
The advantage of using this to pass secret messages is, of course, you can eat them to avoid detection.
9: There's nothing new under the sun.
I think we discussed his review of the horrendous Egg Master a while back.
Rhik Samadder. Wow. I will be reading the back catalogue all day. Thanks for the tip!
Who will be the first to print their butt on their toast. Buns on toast.
I assumed this was about the imminent demise of the Toast, which is sad, but all those involved seem to be doing well for themselves at this point.
The Toast is Demising? Say it ain't so!
Fuck. I didn't actually go there often, but it was one of my backup happy places. I'll miss it.
Holy shit, that's terrible. Ortberg is a national treasure.
I came here to say exactly 15, and seeing that, then 17. So, in the face of extreme redundancy, seconding 18: fuckers, those damned happy fuckers.
It's really going to ruin my Canada Day.
So is this the thread in which to note that if one wishes to masturbate to The Toast, one had better get it all in (or out) before July?
I like butter or margarine on toast, or maybe jam or marmalade if I need a sugar rush, but I draw the line at alternative toppings suggested by 22.
24: I've heard it's a good source of protein, and assuming it's homemade you can feel confident that it was produced in a humane manner.
Cry, cry, masturbate, brunch, cry.
I don't think you're ready for this jelly.
Ortberg doesn't seem like the type who'd be able to stop writing prolifically and publicly for more than a few weeks (and I mean that as a compliment).
She's got a second book deal too, I think.
It seemed like the writing was on the wall when they put the explicit "pay me $1 for this post" things on each page. It was a fun place.
Everybody paid but you? Thanks for ruining it.
I've got a waffle maker that makes waffles patterned to look like the Death Star. So who am I to condemn a selfie toaster?
That's an abomination. We have pancake molds for Darth Vader, Yoda, and a storm trooper. We never use them because it turns out to be a huge pain in the ass.
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I am just the best at buying jewelry.
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A necklace with a gold chain with a little solid gold arc with an offset (above the arc) black diamond, which was said to be "totally my style" by its recipient.
I'm glad Mother's Day went well for you.
It was actually for my sister; I got my mother something else.
That sounds lovely! I love black diamonds and used to have one in a meaningful ring except Lee accidentally ("accidentally?") threw it away way pre-breakup, so I didn't have to decide what to do with it. After we broke up she bought herself a replacement for the ring with a black diamond I'd gotten her, lost that, and has bought a replacement for it. (This is not an exciting story, so I will stop and not enumerate the dull but satisfying and inexpensive jewelry I've bought myself. I am not the best at buying jewelry.)
I think my sisters are generally not impressed with my gift giving.
I could never choose jewelry for anyone.
You could just give cars, like Oprah.
People are so fussy about cars though.
Yes, that's why I just get people what they tell me to get them.
And by people, I mean my wife and her daughter.
Remember that great Emo Phillips gag?
My girlfriend said she wanted something expensive and unnecessary for her birthday... So I signed her up for chemotherapy.
On a related note, the local CBS affiliate is currently running the headline "South Mpls Chef Saves Young Girl's Life With Bone Marrow Transplant". Which is nice, but personally, I would have brought her to an actual surgeon. I guess this way he can use the old bone marrow for stock, but still.
30 minutes of broadcast television reminds me: You will never go broke overestimating the US public's interest in lurid tales of white slavery.
White slavery done by vampires, if you want a book deal.
Speaking of vampires, we just watched the first ep of true blood. It was not very good.
Topically, Hannibal turns out to be pretty great.
Wow! Diamonds for your sister. My brother gives me sweaters for Christmas, and I if I were a mom I doubt he'd get me anything.
My boyfriend is good at picking out jewelry I like, but I think it's his mom's influence. She has this European hippie vibe which goes well with my style. She actually has given me way more jewelry than he has, most of which is great, and some of which veers into too hippie (she made these seed pod necklaces that were kind of OTT). Without his mom's guidance, the last earrings he bought me were a sterling silver tea kettle and cup, and they looked like the sort of thing your cat lady great aunt would give you for your 14th birthday. My mother asked me if my SIL gave them to me, which is kind of a major burn. (She's 36 going on 66, shops at Chicos, buys us matching Christmas shirts with lace Christmas trees on them, etc.) I did find it kind of sweet that he would be attracted to something that dorky though, and I do wear them occasionally.
54: it really is! but watch it after dinner otherwise you find yourself getting really hungry.
In India I had an odd experience wherein a fashion sense I was hitherto unaware of suddenly bubbled up - looking for scarves as presents, I found myself tearing through dozens and dozens, because the vast majority of the patterns CLEARLY did not match the recipients' personal styles, until I found a few that just as clearly did. And they turned out to resonate equally well with the recipients.
57 I think you need a control group.
To the OP: As Dr. Peter Venkman said, this chick is toast.