Re: Guest Post: Back on the Veldt, bollocks.

1

What a load of tosh, as the Brits would say. Back on the veldt we might have had good eating habits but I highly doubt marriages were very happy.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:36 AM
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2

How do they reveal the neck before the shoulders?


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:37 AM
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3

1: Marriages?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:37 AM
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4

I'm much more interested in a game where you have to decide who to fuck based only on their closets.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:38 AM
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5

Refrigerators.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:40 AM
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6

And whether or not they are in them?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:40 AM
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7

3: Is the show actually taking us back to the days when we were Bonobos?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:42 AM
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8

Medicine cabinet.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:43 AM
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9

Because back on the veldt we were always looking at strangers we knew nothing about. It was like analog naked Tinder.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:44 AM
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10

Shit, combing through someone's unprepped house in their absence actually sounds like a halfway interesting dating show premise.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:44 AM
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10: I believe there was a dating show like on HGTV.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:46 AM
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12

Love Burglars


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:47 AM
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13

On the veldt, culture didn't exist and choices were made in a vacuum that removed all clothing. Eventually, inheritance and children were invented and it all went downhill from there. But that run of nine months or so must have been pretty great, given the impact it had on all subsequent human behavior.


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:51 AM
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14

"Who would you fuck in a house like this? David, it's over to you."


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 8:59 AM
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a vacuum that removed all clothing

I think the top-of-the-line Dyson vacuums have an attachment that does this.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:06 AM
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If, and this is the final twist, your choice of naked suitor likes the way you look in the nude, too.

Somehow I suspect it would seem really rude to say no in that situation, but maybe people will anyway.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:08 AM
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17

Yes, they added that feature when they got Benny Hill to do those Dyson ads in the late 80s.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:09 AM
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18

A true veldty dating show would involve outrunning lions, identifying poisonous berries, knapping flint, making fire, and having the basic common sense to make a loincloth out of one of the animals you kill. Clothes have been around for a really long time (80,000 years, if the dna of lice is to be believed).


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:17 AM
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19

I'm pretty sure if I were on this show, I'd get dropped as soon as my feet were shown.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:22 AM
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20

I remember reading somewhere that one question is advertising is always "how do we get a naked woman into this ad?" I think that goes for all entertainment. In the for-real, the face is key, right?


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:27 AM
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21

||
I could have M'd all night! (NMM to Marni Nixon.)
|>


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:36 AM
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22

20.last: In the for-real what?


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:46 AM
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23

Real Wuv.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 9:58 AM
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24

22: I think he meant in real life, in person. That'd certainly be my feeling too.


Posted by: Mooseking | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:11 AM
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25

23: The kind that transcends the conventions of orthography.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:28 AM
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26

24: Just because it's happening in a TV studio doesn't mean it's not real life and in person.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:29 AM
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27

This was tried already in the Eddas and did not work out well. If I had to pick one body part to see before becoming legally and spiritually obligated to fuck someone it would probably be arms. Would watch/produce/appear on the show described in 4.


Posted by: Clytaemnestra Stabby | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:31 AM
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28

How do they reveal the neck before the shoulders?

They mean the other neck.


Posted by: Todd | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:45 AM
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29

Personally, I always though Ægir's was by far the coolest-sounding residence in that mythology.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:49 AM
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30

10: The Irish language dating show Pioc do Ride is this, but instead the chooser goes through the contestants' cars. Then the contestants race them, because, y'know, car show. Afterwards the chosen contestant gets to decide if they want to go on a date with the chooser, or get a discount on a tune-up. Brutal.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:50 AM
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31

Excepting maybe Valhalla, but that's so cliche.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:50 AM
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32

30 is amazing, how often do they go for the discount? Step-ish son's mom is teaching him Irish to like, preserve culture or whatever and I fiercely hope this is the culture she has in mind.


Posted by: Clytaemnestra Stabby | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:56 AM
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33

OT: I want them to put up a picture of the driver so I can see if I guessed right.

(Mostly for dalriata)


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:59 AM
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32: Better question is when would they not?? My dad follows a lot of Irish-language media and I may have to ask if he's run across this, though I think he still sticks mostly to radio news.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 10:59 AM
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35

Right. Take the discount, wait for the show to air, and then if you want a date, look them up.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:02 AM
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36

"Yet evolutionary psychologists tell us that our ancestors would have made their judgements by seeing us naked first, and acting on that raw animal magnetism. "

Evolutionary psychologists tell us all kinds of shit. Is that supposed to be a recommendation?


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:14 AM
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37

That's supposed to be showbusiness, chris.


Posted by: Mossy Character | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:16 AM
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38

In the for-real, the face is key, right?

Mostly, I'd guess. Also, beyond that, different body parts for different folks AFAIK. Any situation where I have to deal with somebody naked before I even know whether they vote Tory, or are at least open to the possibility of liking Charles Mingus, is a situation I don't want to be in.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:20 AM
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39

Evolutionary psychologists tell us that strip shows were the most popular entertainment options on the veldt.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:20 AM
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40

1) Do you vote Tory? No!

Good!

2) Do you like Charles Mingus? Yes!

Great!

3) Ok, now, let me see your bum...


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:22 AM
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41

On the veldt, ancient hominids used to put on reality TV shows which supposedly approximated the dating habits of their future offspring. They walked around saying "AWESOME WOW!" with big shit-eating grins.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:37 AM
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42

Isn't there a "Dating Naked" show on some cable channel?


Posted by: Barry Freed | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:42 AM
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43

42

Yes, on VH1. It has a lot of those distortion bars superimposed over the naughty bits.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:49 AM
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44

Is there? There's that Naked & Afraid show, which is explicitly not supposed to include dating but might for all I know. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy not keeping up with tv now that I don't live with Lee?


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 11:55 AM
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45

I don't even have a date.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 12:09 PM
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46

Are there any people anyone has dated who they wouldn't have dated had they seen that person naked before deciding to date? I feel like, if someone is attractive enough to date clothed, they're probably attractive enough to date naked.


Posted by: Buttercup | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 12:11 PM
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47

Have you ever seen "Total Recall"?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 12:14 PM
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48

32/34: So they give a fixed amount of euros as a gift certificate for either a nice restaurant, etc., or for a body shop. When the contestants are racing they're wearing a helmet so they're anonymous, Stig-style. They then pick their favorite, after which the winner takes off their (they switch up the genders regularly, but obvs heteronormative) helmet. That's when they get the opportunity to reject, which is particularly garbage if they reject on looks somebody they've picked on style. There were a couple episodes that were too awkward/painful for me so I gave it up in favor of sports (Gaelic football and hurling are both a lot of fun to watch) and Ros na Rún, a long-running soap opera. Also, keep in mind that Ireland is small, and the set of Irish-speakers is really small. Most people on it are charmingly homely.

You can see the most recent episodes here with English subtitles. Thorn, if your dad does want to watch TV you can watch just about all of TG4's Irish-language programming there, excepting stuff they don't have the right to broadcast overseas (mostly subbed American stuff).

33: Woah. Is there a particular driver you've had trouble with? There are a few aggressive ones but I don't pay enough attention to profile their styles.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 1:18 PM
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49

Did you know that Billy the Kid was fluent in Gaelic?


Posted by: Natilo Paennim | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 1:46 PM
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50

I'm much more interested in a game where you have to decide who to fuck based only on their closets.

It isn't the size of your closet, but how you use it.

Moving from suburbia to the city makes you appreciate closets.


Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 1:54 PM
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51

It's a good language for mythologizing violence.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 1:54 PM
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52

46: This is a good point.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 2:20 PM
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53

46 is probably true, but I haven't looked back to make sure that I'm probably in the recent archives and certainly in emails complaining that everyone on okcupid has chest tattoos and gauged earlobes and septum piercings, wtf? Except it turns out that on the right person they're still endearing. So I could see this as a different way to evaluate people to see if it changes some of your perceptions about that sort of thing or prostheses or whatever.


Posted by: Thorn | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 2:22 PM
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54

Pro tip to Heebs: never fuck a Welsh dresser.


Posted by: NW | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 2:42 PM
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55

Take from the dresser of deal,
IYKWIM.


Posted by: wallace stevens | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 2:57 PM
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56

47

Polls do not ask how many guys would want an extra boob on a woman.

Thank god.


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 4:16 PM
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57

I was thinking deal breakers, not extras. Like the guy with another head in his belly.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 4:22 PM
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58

SPOILER ALERT.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 4:22 PM
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59

Like the guy with another ... on his body


Posted by: DaveLMA | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 5:05 PM
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60

Motherfucker had like, 30 goddamn mutant heads


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 07-25-16 5:23 PM
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48: it has happened at least once that a guy chose the voucher for his car. However some of the contestants are just in it for the exposure (stitching together various mini jobs in media & hoping to parlay a little fame into more work).
Previous dating shows in Irish: Paisean Faisean ("Fashion Passion") where three hopefuls pick out an outfit for the chooser and she (I think it was always this way around) chooses her favourite outfit & goes on a date with the picker of same. Cleamhnas ("Match" as in matchmaking) - three contestants give their spiel and an Irish Mammy decides who should get to go on the date with her darling.
It occurs to me that I personally know individuals who had been on each of these shows, proving the point about the small world.
The acting on Ros na Rún is often better than the usual run of Irish soaps as a lot of stage actors have regular gigs on the show - I think the show runners will cooperate to write them out for a while if they're in a play or film.


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 07-26-16 2:44 PM
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Cleamhnas ("Match" as in matchmaking)

And pronounced, if I'm reading it right, "cliahvnas", so cognate with "cleave" as in "to love one only and to cleave to him"?


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07-28-16 3:38 AM
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Usually clow-nas or perhaps clowv-nas but could be as hou suggest in Donegal and I think that's probably right on the cognate thing.


Posted by: emir | Link to this comment | 07-30-16 6:47 PM
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64

The rules for pronouncing mh/bh get complicated at the end of a syllable/word and I don't have that down pat yet. It's pronounced about the same way in Ulster, which I think tends more towards w-like pronunciations than v-like pronunciations. (Then again, "ubh" has a v-sound everywhere.)

I'm not sure if it's actually a cognate: I was recently looking up claíomh "sword", which through its Scottish Gaelic equivalent is the source of "claymore" (claíomh mór, big sword). I also thought that was a lot like "cleave", so I went to Wiktionary. The PIE origin of "claíomh" is "*kelh₂-", "to beat, break." For "cleave", it's "*glewbʰ-" "to cut, slice."

That's weirdly close both in sound and meaning but not quite close enough. Not sure if Wiktionarians, historical linguists, or ancient steppe nomads are fucking with me.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 07-30-16 8:27 PM
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65

What's the source that Wiktionary references for those reconstructions?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 07-30-16 8:40 PM
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It doesn't, with the exception of referencing eDIL for deriving claíomh from Old Irish claideb (but that's probably attested and not reconstructed).

I mean, I could do real research on this, or I could choose to believe that mischievous steppe nomads had two similar but distinct words for two similar but distinct concepts, that have somehow carried forward into different languages with even closer meanings.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 07-30-16 8:48 PM
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67

i suddenly have the urge to search Wikipedia and Wiktionary citations for the phrase "your mom".


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 07-30-16 8:50 PM
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68

Hm. Those look like real reconstructions, but without a source it's hard to say without actually looking them up in the standard reference works, which is more work than I'm willing to put into this either. It's very possible that this is just a coincidence, though. Those are a lot more common in historical linguistics than people tend to assume. It's also possible that they are cognate but at a deeper level than PIE that isn't conducive to rigorous reconstruction.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 07-30-16 8:54 PM
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64. Indo-Europeanists seem to have a habit of making pronouncements about language and culture with a degree of overweening confidence that other historical scientists have long since abandoned.


Posted by: chris y | Link to this comment | 07-31-16 4:07 AM
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Clow-nas, as in "Fuck you, cleamhnas."


Posted by: Todd | Link to this comment | 07-31-16 5:34 AM
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Well, even if the semantics are questionable, that they're different words, at least at that level of reconstruction, seems solid. That they appear to be cognates now looks coincidental, or due to convergent processes.


Posted by: dalriata | Link to this comment | 07-31-16 9:08 AM
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