This whole trend is obviously a viral marketing campaign for the upcoming remake of Stephen King's IT.
IT? A silicon valley horror novel would be great fun.
It's mildly surprising to me that this particular kind of medieval hysteria can survive the internet. I didn't really know that people were taking it for-real serious. What the fuck is happening -- it's like the country is breaking through all moron barriers and going full moron.
1 has been my suspicion as well.
Also, hippies are going to give your kids acid when they go trick-or-treating.
What the fuck is this clown hysteria? I heard jokes about it, and I thought it was some in-joke I didn't get.
AFAICT some dude in a clown mask may or may not have been hanging out behind some apartment conplex in some flyover state. Then somebody saw a clown someplace else. Then people half jokingly reported clowns as a thing on the internet. Then people started to take it seriously, in our country hell-bent on lowering expectations about how stupid its people really are.
Reportedly one of the clowns chased a kid with a plastic pirate sword or something. The only thing I've learned from this is that some states apparently have laws against scaring people while hiding your face. I think we've already passed the moron threshold long ago.
surprising to me that this particular kind of medieval hysteria can survive the internet
Adorable!
What clown thing? I just googled it, and there are some really long articles I don't have time to read, and some short headlines that don't elucidate much. Someone saw clowns somewhere, and then what?
Maybe it's a Clinton marketing campaign? #TRUMPISSCARYCLOWN
Someone saw clowns somewhere, and then what?
Nope, you got it.
I really do wonder if the recent clown panics are down to someone actively trolling people or if it's all just organ urban-myth fear contagion, the fashionable coulrophobia bullshit finally slipping its bonds and getting out of control. This is fucked up because I know actual people who work and make livings as clowns and it cannot be a fun profession with this shit floating in the environment.
Large clowns > large bunnies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVevvbFNKiY&spfreload=10
IT? A silicon valley horror novel would be great fun.
Pennywise the I.T. staffer is a pretty horrific concept.
floating in the environment.
We all float down here...
It's been a recurring plot device in the Trump Leaks twitter thread.
12: If you want the glory, you got to take the risks.
This sounds like it needs a big pile of [citation needed], right?
Then later it also turned out that a bunch of kids who had said they saw clowns lurking in the forest admitted that they had lied. That was in Virginia maybe? Not where the original clown sightings were, I don't think.
I didn't read this article but I like the headline and the picture.
I thought it had something to do with vague threats of bloddbaths and chaos being made to schools, as well, maybe with something to do with Halloween?
Halloween is coming up, so I expect sexy clowns.
Clowns, least appreciated of the uniformed services.
The way you hear Coast Guard veterans talk, you wouldn't be so sure.
Ok, one of the local mothers just emailed the superintendent, and the superintendent personally wrote her back, and she posted a screenshot of his response, which is:
Yes, we are aware and we have been working with police all day. The school has been in soft lock down. The issue is nationwide. In Austin, 14 schools received the same message in some form or fashion.
Poor school admins. What a mess.
14 schools received the same message in some form or fashion.
What message? Fuck you?
I feel like the dog in the "CAT FUD" Far Side cartoon. I have been preparing for decades* to confront a murderous clown.
* Specifically, since I was three years old and the Flip-Pater made the, in retrospect, historic error of buying me a Batman coloring book.
. In Reading, Pa. on Sept. 25, one student was stabbed to death in a clown melee, the local NBC affiliate reported.
What? You can't just say 'clown melee' like that's a thing. There is no 'clown melee' thing.
Could the clowns be in league with those aliens from Aqua Teen Hunger Force?
Exactly the same process that fueled the "Satanic ritual abuse" hysteria, no? Less destructive, so far at least.
They got some high quality policin' in PA:
Police say they're sorting through various accounts of the incident that include the victim wearing the mask, the stabber wearing the mask, and someone else wearing it.
32- I thought that was the "don't choke yourself while masturbating" hysteria.
IT TAKES A CLOWN TO TAKE DOWN THE CLOWNS!
VOTE TRUMP
33:Police say they're sorting through various accounts of the incident that include the victim wearing the mask, the stabber wearing the mask, and someone else wearing it.
They take turns wearing it, obviously. It's like you've never even been to a clown melee.
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,--
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
30: Says someone who's never been to Reading.
There is no 'clown melee' thing.
Now who's being naïve, Marge?
In order of preference and severity:
Clown Argument
Clowntretemps
Clown Scuffle
Clown Fracas
Clown Brawl
Clown Melee
Clown Riot
Clown Duel
Clown Kata
Clown Joust
Clown Tourney
Clown Siege
Clown Dogfight
Clown Opposed Beach Landing
Clown Corps-Level Deliberate Attack
Clown Amphibious Invasion
Clown Drone Strike
Clown Nuclear Triad
Clown Day After
Clown Armistice
In Reading, Pa. on Sept. 25, one student was stabbed to death in a clown melee, the local NBC affiliate reported.
Is this what started it? Has there been more than one clownfight?
Today, we have fucking of clowns. That was ten years ago. Wow.
Exactly the same process that fueled the "Satanic ritual abuse" hysteria, no? Less destructive, so far at least.
Not the same process. Back then it was not compounded by a bunch of fools intentionally scaring people as a prank. Except metal bands.
44 is funny, though not clownishly so.
49 is amazingly good.
I just want to thank Lord Castock for 12.
Valuable perspective from Slate.
Seriously.
Drowsy fingers of thick, autumnal gloam,
Wrapping softly round stark, denuded trees,
Conceal painted specters who lately roam,
Midst mute houses -- fear is spreading on the breeze!
Through glowing screens, alight with LEDs
Once a comfort, now cursed by eldritch fear,
The terror migrates like the geese, in Vs
Replaced with dread is our October cheer
What is this plague, this creeping fall disease,
That shutters schools and keeps youth in at night?
Can bailliff, judge or court brook this unease,
When every parent quivers all afright?
Now shall be heard in hamlet, glade and town,
One shrill voice, that echoes forth: FUCK YOU, CLOWN!
Dammit, totally screwed up the rhyme scheme. Oh well, musn't grumble.
We should have had an anniversary post in July. It does the soul good to read the clown thread every so often.
That was ten years ago.
Damn. That hardly seems possible.
You guys used to put some effort into this.
Before all the running from clowns exhausted you.
We used to play a game that I only remember as, "I Declare War." We drew a rough map of Europe with chalk, or maybe even with a stick in the sand. Each player named a European country; and it all began with, "I declare war on Germany." Someone threw a stick into German territory, and then all players rushed to pick up the stick.
You could augment your holdings, but then again, you could lose it all with a bad throw.
I loved this game. I always wanted to be Ireland or Denmark.
56 is amazing
This would be SOO funny if it weren't my life. Unverified clown sitings on campus riled the college students Wednesday night (also party night) such that freshmen were locking themselves in their rooms with knives and others were getting baseball bats and golf clubs and looking for clowns to beat up. (I'm sure no one will get hurt doing that!) I had student conferences on Thursday morning and got an earful from gullible students that clowns had been snatching children and killing them. When pressed if anyone had seen an actual clown, the student said no but some clowns had rung a doorbell and then vanished. 18yos getting freaked out by ding dong ditch! Critical thinking ain't their strong point.
It has spread to the middle school and high school as well. My daughter's middle school had a bomb scare (threat scrawled on bathroom wall) and the rumor going around was that clowns had done it. She said that a bunch of kids were absolutely sure that they had seen a clown menacing them outside and the principal had to go over the loudspeaker to make announcements about keeping calm. Turns out the "clown" was a football tackling dummy. I have convinced my daughter that these things are urban legends, but she says that no one at school will believe her when she says it isn't true. Why, yes, we _do_ live in Trump country, why do you ask?
Because it had to be said sung.
Have the Juggalos issued a statement?
By God the Hamlet soliloquy in the old thread is bugging me anew.
People like the students in 64 are just begging to be trolled by clowns.
64 is ... what the fuck is even happening here anymore.
68: "...the clown raised the gun and they knew this was going to be the end. They closed their eyes and waited silently for death to overtake them. Then they heard laughter. Opening their eyes, they saw, extending from the barrel of the clown's gun, a small, colorful flag on which was printed a single word: Clpwned!'"
64 is...what the flying f**k?!, and America used to be an actual country; and, believe it or not, the true envy of the world.
God, I can't even begin to comprehend how far America has now fallen.
Is this like how in high school, every October, as Halloween approached, we--and some parents/administrators/etc--would get increasingly frenzied over rumors that the Bloods had some plan to go on a slashing spree, so you couldn't be on this corner or wear this thing, or whatever? (FWIW even when New York was rougher the Bloods were not spending a lot of time plotting slashing campaigns against art school kids). Anyway, that was pretty racist of us so maybe this is an improvement.
Are there even bloods in NY? There are still some in my neighborhood park often if you ever want to say hi. And no this is a zillion times worse because it's way more pathetic. There were and are for real hundreds of gang deaths; being for real scared of clowns as a college student is ... proof that something is really making people idiots.
Maybe weed amd uniquitous internet porn and video games are somehow actually having bad effects in unexpected ways despite evidence to the contrary. I dunno.
Like people are turning soft fearful and completely disconnected from reality or something.
Like people are turning soft fearful and completely disconnected from reality or something
Yeah, problem is: those folks are Trump voters.
75 We've gone from (overblown) fears of ISIS in their black masks coming to cut out heads off to...clowns lurking in the woods in only a year or two.
73 There were Bloods! Idk how closely affiliated with LA. Apparently there still are at least two, because there are fights about whether or not you can exclude gang names at trial here, and you can normally exclude "Bloods," and that's about it. Because jurors all heard the same stupid rumors as me in high school probably. Anyway idk if "clown melee" could come in under 404(b) or what.
I'll be out in LA in January, I totally should use that chance to catch up with the remnants of the Bloods, why not.
There were Bloods! Idk how closely affiliated with LA
Possibly not at all. Little cliques are all over the place claiming certain affiliations with little to no ties to the original sets. We have "Bloods" (not many) and I know of several local dipshits who've claimed Toonerville Rifa and I'm pretty damn sure not a one of them have even seen Glendale. (Glendale CA that is, there's a neighborhood in southwest SLC that's called Glendale as well)
The Crips of the Tongan variety up here have a lot of family connections back in Inglewood and the Bay Area but even they still tend to be cliques of local friends and relatives without much of any kind of organized business with the CA gangs.
Firesign Theatre: right again. Don't expect deliveries to sector R after curfew.
I've seen 0 clown alerts in my dept email yet but the week is still young. A couple schools up near Cala went on lockout status for an hour. When's the last time she commented? Did the clowns get her?
Everyone will be quite embarrassed when it turns out the clowns were just "The Warriors" cosplayers.
Everyone will be quite embarrassed when it turns out the clowns were just "The Warriors" cosplayers.
They have evil alien mecha clowns?
"I fought with your father during the Clown Wars."
"Look at this. Your father's buttonhole flower. An elegant weapon for a more civilised -- no, look closer. Have a good sniff."
It's mildly surprising to me that this particular kind of medieval hysteria can survive the internet.
Why? I'd have thought the internet was tailor made to amplify this kind of shit.
Clowns do have an advantage in that they only need tiny APCs. On the other hand, their boots are twice as expensive to make.
49 is by a very talented writer. and it shows.
TIFU by inciting a mass clown search panic on my campus
94 makes me want to troll so hard. I'd even dress up in a clown suit and makeup.
Everyone will be quite embarrassed when it turns out the clowns were just "The Warriors" cosplayers.
"It's OK everyone! Panic over! It turns out they weren't real clowns, just violent, heavily-armed feuding gang members dressed up as clowns!"
"Oh thank god! Our children are safe!"
And now the cry is "Bozo!"
And lo, the ranks divide,
As the great Lord of Luna
Comes on with stately stride.
Above his ample shoulders
Flows free his orange hair
And in his hand he honks the horn
That none but he may bear.
He turned upon the Romans
A smile serene and high;
He eyed the shrinking Tuscans
And scorn was in his eye.
Quoth he "The she-wolf's litter
'Gainst you the bridge may bar;
But do you dare to follow
Where Bozo drives his car?"
84:
Cala commented on Sunday: "Tips" comment #6.
That's a long time ago, in clown country.
We just got a memo from our middle school principle---in a file entitled "clown.pdf", which strikes me as funny for some reason---assuring us that "These rumors are unfounded and we will continue to monitor the situation."
We just got a memo from our middle school principle---in a file entitled "clown.pdf", which strikes me as funny for some reason---assuring us that "These rumors are unfounded and we will continue to monitor the situation."
"We will continue to monitor the situation" is going to be my new catchphrase.
"We will continue to monitor the situation" is going to be my new catchphrase.
Which means I will have to repeat it.
We will continue to monitor your continuing to monitor situation.
49: God, that old poetry thread! Good times.
I thought of that thread when I saw this Helen Lindsay Bird poem the other day; it seems like a perfect fit for the theme with a little adaptation:
Griebling's dead so fuck me like a Clown
Zany and with comic purpose
Some bleak autumnal afternoon
While all the children are getting tweaked at school
Nip my false red nose off with your teeth
Grimaldi's dead and Jacobs too
Of laughing at a well-thrown pie
Kelly died while dunking and his spleen won't float
& Rivel
They never found his punchline
His widow, mad with laughter,
Hammers stakes for an empty big top
Adler, Little, our goldfish dropped while being juggled
Dry-hump slowly
In the Clownscape of our childhood
Our dead frotting just below the surface of the earth
Bend me over like an unaffiliated jester
& pump me full of novelty arrows
O emotional vulnerability
Croatian carnies, bats in the belfry
Tell me what you love when you think I'm not laughing
Yuri Nikulin's clown is telling him to pick a card
But he's not picking, he's dead too, he died twenty years ago
And nobody pranked his funeral
Life is real
And the days burn off like lemon meringue
Nobody, not even the audience can tell me what to do
Toss my salad from behind
Willard Scott's not getting any younger
54: My pleasure... and sympathies if you know or are someone directly affected.
OT but depressing: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/oct/04/black-students-teachers-implicit-racial-bias-preschool-study
Oh Christ, it's crossed the pond.
I thought the scary clowns were all speaking at the Conservative Party congress.
From the link in 111, "a bladed article had also been recovered."
I'm assuming that would be an Oddjob hat.
Police are rounding up the usual sad tramp suspects.
Hard to believe that "fuck you clown" was so long ago - my children were all in single digits then, and now the eldest is 20 next month and two are at university, the second in 111's Clown Town (Cloon Toon I suppose).
This post is everything I dislike about Vice mag, right down to articles that treat getting wired on cocaine as just a thing. However, it does point the way to an important question: is "Massive love for the sesh" the new "Fuck you, clown"?
