IF WHAT WE DID WAS WRONG, I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT!
Is there such a thing as fruit-transmitted disease?
Still, when you have sex with a melon you have sex with everybody who ever had sex with that melon.
Don't slutshame the melon. You're bigger than that.
No one wants to be patient zero for some horrible fruit transmitted STD that wipes out humanity.
Use a condom, a new one with every melon. And a dental dam when you eat it.
I'm just saying, maybe the melon-fuckers should suffer some of the common side-effects from eating daily seeds that the melons have been dealing with for years. No one ever cared to study the melons, let alone discontinuing a study due to excess seediness.
FINALLY I REALLY GROK THE LYRICS TO 'SEX FARM'...
9: They probably tried, but non-responder bias killed it.
How does one obtain consent from a melon?
I think we're forced to assume that everybody arguing that not saying no is the same as saying yes is doing so because they like fucking melons.
There is a bit of verse on this general topic.
How does one obtain consent from a melon?
VIA UNFOGGED COMMENTS, JACKASS! (DON'T YOU INFANTILIZE ME AND DENY ME AGENCY!)
I doubt any melon viruses can be transmitted to humans. The body temperature is way too high, for one thing.
The bit with the potting soil seems to add an unneccesarily man-made edge to rolling around in the dirt. While I haven't finished the article and can't click most of the links from work, I don't really think this gets explained sufficiently.
17: Right, but if you don't get your own melon, the melon is the medium.
SEX WITH AVOCADO!!! SEX WITH AVOCADO!!!
15: More ecosexual poetry (from Christina Rossetti):
Lizzie met her at the gate
Full of wise upbraidings:
"Dear, you should not stay so late,
Twilight is not good for maidens;
Should not loiter in the glen
In the haunts of goblin men.
Do you not remember Jeanie,
How she met them in the moonlight,
Took their gifts both choice and many,
Ate their fruits and wore their flowers
Pluck'd from bowers
Where summer ripens at all hours?
But ever in the noonlight
She pined and pined away;
Sought them by night and day,
Found them no more, but dwindled and grew grey;
Then fell with the first snow,
While to this day no grass will grow
Where she lies low:
I planted daisies there a year ago
That never blow.
You should not loiter so."
"Nay, hush," said Laura:
"Nay, hush, my sister:
I ate and ate my fill,
Yet my mouth waters still;
To-morrow night I will
Buy more;" and kiss'd her:
"Have done with sorrow;
I'll bring you plums to-morrow
Fresh on their mother twigs,
Cherries worth getting;
You cannot think what figs
My teeth have met in,
What melons icy-cold
Piled on a dish of gold
Too huge for me to hold,
What peaches with a velvet nap,
Pellucid grapes without one seed:
Odorous indeed must be the mead
Whereon they grow, and pure the wave they drink
With lilies at the brink,
And sugar-sweet their sap."
On one end, it encompasses people who try to use sustainable sex products, or who enjoy skinny dipping and naked hiking.
These are totally different? Why would they both be "on one end"?
So that's what "Rolled round in earth's diurnal course" means.
These people would be really disruptive at a sand castle competition.
24: Since IIRC this was supposed to be about the Kinsey-equivalent scale, I figured it meant on one side is the stuff that doesn't involve actually being sexually or romantically involved with the earth directly (so call those three 0, 1, 2) and then I forget the other examples but masturbating in a waterfall (sexual, minimal or incidental physical contact), masturbating with a melon or the like (sexual direct contact), actual sex with the earth itself (surely self-explanatory!) would be 4-5-6 or something.
I said to the rose, "The brief night goes
In babble and revel and wine.
O young lord-lover, what sighs are those,
For one that will never be thine?
But you, but you," I sware to the rose,
"For ever and ever, mine."
Then a sentimental passion of the vegetable fashion
Must excite your languid spleen -
An attachment a la Plato for a bashful young potato
Or a not-too-French french bean;
Though the philistines may jostle you will rank as an apostle
In the high aesthetic band
If you walk down Piccadilly with a poppy or a lily
In your mediaeval hand!
And ev'ryone will say,
As you walk your flow'ry way,
"If he's content with a vegetable love which would certainly not suit me,
Why, what a most particularly pure young man
this pure young man must be!"
Why would they both be "on one end"?
You could do them both on the same end.
[obtain consent] VIA UNFOGGED COMMENTS, JACKASS!
Too lazy to troll TFA. Has this ever happened in practice?
32: No sex melons seem to have commented here before, but I suspect that's not what you mean.
Top end or bottom end?
BIG END OR LITTLE END. IYKWIM.
24: I was thinking they were both on the same end of the spectrum between sanity and insanity, between boring vanilla sex and recklessly kinky shit. Or at least, on the same half of spectrum. There's a little room between them but I'd put them both on the staid side of the middle.
Naked hiking doesn't sound like much fun to me.
34: On the internet, no one knows you're a sex melon.
Eggplant is delectable, but his phylum feels so...wrong.
I'm not one for naked hiking, but I have been canudeing.
No, canoodling doesn't usually involve paddles.
40: Nightshades are more badass than melons just on the name front.
Nightshades are more badass than melons just on the name front.
On the poisoning front as well.
45: True, but the way they watch you weave then breathe your storylines is a little creepy.
they're on a spectrum, you know, like Nazis.
Like Nazis, some nightshades are edible, but most aren't.
I hope I'm not the only one who hopes for a budding Unfogged romance between Opinionated Soviet Tank Commander/Lactation Consultant and Opinionated Sex Melon.
Not interested in literal melons.
The Earth and I decided we weren't comfortable with a relationship outside the "half plus seven" rule. Maybe in three billion years.
Shit night; conversion to full misandry complete, I'm at the fuck only plants end of the spectrum now.
This thread has renewed my faith in humankind.
Of all nights for Eggplant to not be around!
From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with minks and muskrats.
Your great big clanking treads make me nervous
So, melon, why did you think it would be fun to sign up for Blind Date?
55: This article will cure you of the notion that it's only men that are the problem. The only answer is the total destruction of all life on Earth: men, women, melons, muskrats, everything.
NMM in the White House organic garden.