I think having The Whites dress in khakis and whine about their kitchen appliances would be even better.
Or at least more broadly applicable.
The Fightin' Whites were on it ages ago.
I hadn't heard of that. The "Fightin' Whites Minority Scholarship" is pretty genius.
They should be called Crackers and their mascot should be a giant saltine cracker. Or Honkies, I guess. There are no teams called "Native American" but there is one called "Redskins." The name needs to be more than simply descriptive, it has to be vaguely (or not so vaguely) insulting as well. I'd pay to watch the Palefaces take on the Honkies at a game of lacrosse. There could be an entire league of white-themed teams. I can only think of the three whitey names, but there have to be more. Muzungus doesn't work because nobody's going to get it. We ought to be able to dig up some more, though. Mineshaft to the rescue!
The Fighting White People Who Aren't Irish.
We should just make ethnic slurs out of the names we already have. The Houston Oilers can become the Greasers. The Rams can become the "Compensating for something with a very large truck."
How come most of the white-people team names used are Catholic? Cavaliers, Crusaders, Irish, Celtics. I guess the only ones that aren't are Vikings and Knicks.
Vikings were totally Catholic, but only if they lost.
I can't be the only one who heard the low/high thing as a confession of weakness.
Cowboys, 49ers, and Raiders don't sound Catholic.
We should have Argonauts, but you folks know my preferred strategy for getting them.
Gild a sheep? Cruel, but only results count.
"Cavalier" isn't necessarily Catholic; the Cavaliers, as in the Civil War royalists, were predominantly Anglican. Neither is "Patriot", of course.
Also, what about the Pittsburgh Penguins? Penguins are Protestant.
And white Protestants mostly went from Trump, so I'm sticking with that.
Naively, one would expect penguins to be Manichean.
I can only think of the three whitey names, but there have to be more.
The Chicago Redliners
19: penguins have strong family values, low reproductive rates, a fondness for winter sports and a sober monochrome colour scheme, and inhabit some of the coldest and least enjoyable parts of the entire world.
23: ah, but raw fish. Like the Protestant Dutch.
Also, they disapprove strongly of dancing.
That's actually a Protestant thing in America.
I thought you were talking about the Protestant Dutch.
Naively, one would expect penguins to be Manichean.
Or Imperial cultists.
Since penguin children don't go into the water until they are fully grown, I think they must be Anabaptist.
All the nuns in my youth were Franciscan.
33: You're only saying that because I somehow didn't notice I switched sides.
The emperor penguins would quite naturally worship themselves, but it would be sheer hubris for them to assume the official religion was shared by the miserable diminutive masses.
Surely everybody knows that penguins are celibate Catholic women.
The true faith of the penguins is much darker...
Suddenly a bulky white shape loomed up ahead of us, and we flashed on the second torch. It is odd how wholly this new quest had turned our minds from earlier fears of what might lurk near. Those other ones, having left their supplies in the great circular place, must have planned to return after their scouting trip toward or into the abyss; yet we had now discarded all caution concerning them as completely as if they had never existed. This white, waddling thing was fully six feet high, yet we seemed to realise at once that it was not one of those others. They were larger and dark, and according to the sculptures their motion over land surfaces was a swift, assured matter despite the queerness of their sea-born tentacle equipment. But to say that the white thing did not profoundly frighten us would be vain. We were indeed clutched for an instant by a primitive dread almost sharper than the worst of our reasoned fears regarding those others. Then came a flash of anticlimax as the white shape sidled into a lateral archway to our left to join two others of its kind which had summoned it in raucous tones. For it was only a penguin--albeit of a huge, unknown species larger than the greatest of the known king penguins, and monstrous in its combined albinism and virtual eyelessness.
When we had followed the thing into the archway and turned both our torches on the indifferent and unheeding group of three we saw that they were all eyeless albinos of the same unknown and gigantic species. Their size reminded us of some of the archaic penguins depicted in the Old Ones' sculptures [etc etc at some considerable length]
My Hunter S. Thompson/Paul Krassner fantasy alter ego has written a piece titled "Hunting the Bull Whitey at Aspen and Vail."
HPL being as WASP as they come (excusing the lapse of his disgusting miscegenating marriage), I think the Protestantism of the penguins can safely be ruled out at this point.
I can't be the only one who heard the low/high thing as a confession of weakness.
I haven't heard this form anyone else. Surely "I"m above responding to the likes of you," while it may sometimes be mere bravado, is classically the stance of the most powerful.
On a related note, I've noticed myself getting more and more annoyed at kickstarter/startup/whatever ads full of white dudes. Maybe this is just being PC to a fault, but today's example was these weird belt buckles that have consumed all my sidebars of late*. Curiosity got the better of me, and I clicked through. Some of the models are black, but the video is a white guy living a white guy fantasy (fishing and camping in the woods solo, using his belt buckle (!) to enable his survivalism), and it was just screaming to me, "we have a target audience, and it comes in one shade."
When I was younger, that sort of thing appealed to me (aside from the racial aspect), but now I'm 44 and know that I need a blade built into my belt buckle less than twice a decade. It just can't be a decisive aspect of my fashion choices.
I guess where I'm at is that I can't look at these things as objectively or independently cool; instead I'm seeing them as manipulative marketing gambits that may or may not be functional, and so the marketing becomes paramount.
*come to think of it, what happened to my ad-blocker?
43: Maybe black men are smart enough to know they should skip weaponized belt buckles?
I saw the low/high as another version of "you have to work twice as hard to get half as far," which also looks like maybe a mismeasurement in the Trump era.
If Family Mattersis any guide, black men wear suspenders.
Why should I update my cultural references if the world keeps getting shittier?
That Steve Urkel counts as a man backs the theories about how people see black children as older than they are.
If Steve Urkel draws on you, drop him right quick, regardless of age. Even if he doesn't intend to kill, I have reason to believe that he is given to mishap.
Steve Urkel is a child. Stefan is a man.
Actually, that checks out: Jaleel White was an adult for the last four seasons of Family Matters, when they resorted to increasingly wacky shark-jumping like Stefan. Each year it became more difficult to make him look like an awkward teen.
I need a blade built into my belt buckle less than twice a decade.
You say that now, but wait until TSHTF.